Awkward s04e21 Episode Script

Previously on Awkward We went and met my biological father.
Wow! It's a whole new you.
Do you wanna swap numbers? You might wanna cut other people a break sometime.
Don't make me seem like a heartless bitch.
[Mouthing words.]
I was feeling low because of Matty's rejection, but high because of my college acceptance, and okay because I'd met a really cool guy on the beach I was hoping to see again today.
It was time to hunker down and enjoy what was left of spring break.
Hey, Jenna, you're the last one up.
Luckily, there's still some coffee and postres.
No thanks; I'm not really hungry.
Hey, bitch, cool shorts, but why do yours only have one random string? Just pull it across so they fray.
Oh, Lissa, no.
Ow, bitch, what's up with you? Lissa, the bitch thing, it's not becoming.
- Just give it a yank.
- No, stop.
- It's my tampon.
- Your what? My tampon! Hey, Hamil-tamp.
Looks like Matty and Gabby are going fishing.
Maybe you should go with them and stick whatever's at the end of that string in the chum box.
There's no telling what you might pull out of the ocean.
Fishing, huh? Sounds fun.
We're going with Danny, Matty's bio dad.
Yeah, I know who he is.
Matty, I'd love to meet him sometime.
I really want you to.
We just met him ourselves, Matty.
Probably should give it some time.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
Wah! Come with us, gringa.
We have gummy bears and cigs.
Horchata and hooch! Both: Sugar and sin.
You little busted tweakers.
Ooh, time to bust someone's leather daddy out of gay rehab.
Yay, jailbreak! Let's do it.
Ay-ay-ay! Hey, man, what's up? Oh, I just got nuked by Northwestern, so I'm bummed.
Ah, man, that sucks.
You have other options? Well, yeah, but I wanted this one, man.
Piss, moan, piss, moan.
Jesus, what a bunch of duds.
I invite you all to my beach house.
We're, like, a mile from the beach.
There are shacks owned by children who sell Chiclets with a better view than this flea bag.
Let's go back inside, Gustavo.
I can't relax looking at a bunch of sour-pussies.
Just work it out.
Still not seeing dolphins.
Just got to keep putting good vibes out there.
They'll hear you.
Quack, quack! Why aren't we partying? Little Bitch, where's your mom? She said she wasn't feeling well.
I think she's sleeping.
I told her to stay away from the ceviche.
That's all I need is for her to be laid up with the squirts all week.
Kill me now.
I see them! Baby, I see them! I was used to being blown off by Matty, but this one really hurt.
When would I stop having expectations of him? Some were romantic.
Some were platonic.
And most were never met.
Well, someone's got a lot on her mind this morning.
Funny meeting you here again, in the exact same place.
Consistency, habit, timeliness.
They beat that into us at boot camp.
There's a lot to be said for consistency and timeliness.
Well, it most certainly rewarded me today.
Do you have a couple minutes to help a guy get through this jamón y queso? Hello? Hey, everyone! Anyone here? [Woman retching.]
Hello? [Retching continues.]
Lacey? [Knocking.]
[Vomiting.]
Oh, God.
Hi, honey.
Welcome to Mexico.
Lace! You up? It's noon, biatch! Don't be a puss.
It's just Montezuma's Revenge.
Nothing kills the Montes like a little firewater.
I'm pregnant.
No! Val! Val! Val! Val! Do you hear screaming? Val! [Beachgoers murmur.]
Val, those aren't dolphins! Oh, my God, Val, are you okay? It was so magical.
They are beautiful and sweet and so playful.
They really are mammals.
It was like petting a dog.
Val, those are sharks.
[Laughs.]
Okay.
That's very funny, baby.
Don't rain on my life-altering encounter.
Val, dolphins have very velvety, soft skin.
Just touching it shredded you.
Oh! Easy, now.
Let's find you a chair.
- What the hell happened to you? - She had a little incident.
Only as little as a near-death experience can be.
- Near-death? - Oh, calm down.
That doesn't even mean anything south of the border.
This whole country is near death.
- Why do you have to do that? - Do what? Put down a whole country.
Mexico is a great country, not just the third-world crap bucket you like to see.
Oh, get over it.
You grew up in the south bay, muchacho.
Excuse me, I just escaped the jaws of death.
It was literally jaws.
They were 10-foot juvenile great whites.
In all fairness, they were very playful.
But I was saved by these jaws of life.
Ow.
My close call with scary fish made me realize that every minute we aren't embracing life, we're embracing death.
In that case, this patio is a [Bleep.]
morgue.
Life is short, people.
And that grim reaper is a mean bastardo.
You can only fool him once.
And that's why Biggie and I have decided to quit our school jobs and travel the world.
- [Whispers.]
What? - It's romantic, the two of them going off together.
Yeah, she'll be dead within the year from getting stomped on by a camel, and he'll spend the rest of his life being snotted on by nasty children in a Euro theme park.
Why do you have to piss on everyone's plans? I don't know.
But can we go? Because I promised everyone I'd buy rounds to celebrate my getting my scholarship and getting the hell away from them.
Doesn't sound fun to me.
Oh, please, you're Mexican and you don't want to drink during the day? Hey, go by yourself, lady.
I can't take you anymore.
Hey, that Gab's a great girl.
I can tell the two of you guys got a lot in common.
[Fly buzzing.]
Yeah.
Hey, I got you something.
I know you're gonna love it.
Wow.
Thank you, Dan Mr.
Durand.
Hey, Matt, if it makes you more comfortable, you can call me Dad.
I mean, I know I wasn't the dad that raised you, but what the hell, right? Cool Da Dan.
As soon as I saw that, I went, "that's my Matt.
" - [Laughing.]
- Right.
[Thumping music.]
Ugh, this is so depressing.
I finally get the scholarship, and the only person here to celebrate with me is you.
I can't think of a worse send-off.
Oh, wait, I can.
Hi, Lissa; Where's your father? We went all the way to gay rehab, and he disappeared, which is really scary and super exciting.
We don't even know if he's still gay.
- Mm, safe bet.
- Gayer than a goose.
O.
M.
G.
, is that Jenna? [Blowing.]
Okay, is this where you've been hiding? Hey, T! This is my friend Brian and his friend Adam and their friend Wilson.
- Well, hello, T.
- Hi.
I'm Tamara, but you can totally call me T, because it starts with a "T.
" Well, you can call me "A" if you want, just to be even.
Okay, "A.
" You're pretty cute.
[Giggles.]
[Spanish hip-hop music.]
Arriba, abajo, al centro, oh, [Bleep.]
it.
Whoa.
Incoming.
Sorry.
- Can I ask you something? - Her name is Lissa, and it's a really good time for you, because she's pissed at God and will do anything.
Sorry? The blond you're looking at? The only one I'm looking at is you.
Ugh, I can't with this right now.
Get out of my face.
You're bitchy.
I like that.
Oh, so you're gay.
No, I just like crazy brown eyes.
And since you're done with this one, can I buy you another? Don't worry; We can do this.
We figured it out last time, and we had a lot more against us.
At least this time we know what we're doing.
And I won't be the youngest mom in the PTA.
Yeah, you'll be the oldest.
You know what I'm most worried about? Yeah.
How to tell Jenna.
So then we moved from Uruguay to Cuba.
Well, Guantanamo, because my dad was stationed there.
Do you like to travel? You don't talk much, do you? You are so friggin' cute.
One, two, three All the sexy girls with me Put your drinks in the air Let's get drunk as we can be - Daddy? - Bumblebee! I've missed you so much.
Daddy, what are you doing here? The Lord works in mysterious ways, but your new friends work faster.
They texted me after you left gay rehab, told me where I could find you.
I'm so happy to see my little angel.
Look, the important thing is that you're always moving forward.
And that's what you're doing.
Well, that's what I'm trying to do.
Okay, well, you may have to do a little bit better than try, Jenna.
You have to actually do it.
And I get that this may sound stupid, 'cause I've only known you for a couple days, but I see a strong girl in front of me With a big life ahead of her.
Guess what I'm doing right now.
See? I knew you could do it.
O.
M.
G.
- Tamara.
- Adam is, like, amaze-a-Rama.
It's like I look at him, and I forget to talk.
I don't even know when the last time I was at a loss for words was.
I think it was in pre-school when this girl kept wearing the same pants as me, like, every day.
Anyway, Adam is incredible.
He's the real deal.
He's shipping out soon to Pakistan or Afghanistan or Kidnapistan.
But he is so interesting that I just kept listening, and I don't even want to talk.
That's crazy.
Do you think you're gonna see him again? Oh, hells to the yes.
We're engaged.
We got it from a street vendor out front.
We'll shop for the real one later.
T, that's insane.
You just met him.
Jenna, calm down.
It's just a fun, amazing connection.
Seize the moment and all that.
Carpe the spring break diem.
And marry the first guy you meet at a bar.
Love is in the air, amiga.
And Adam is adorbs and romantic, and he fits me to a "T.
" Get it? A "T"? Look, he's shipping out, and he's probably scared.
And I kind of like the idea of giving him something to look forward to when he comes back home.
The truth is, we'll probably date for a few months and then break up over Skype.
But for now, just let me have my romantic dream.
- Hey, had a good time.
- Yeah.
It was good to hang out with you.
That's right.
Oh, you okay, back there? Yeah, this is fun.
Sorry, just, you know, trying to bond with the new old man.
Matty, I'm totally fine.
That's one hell of a girl you got there, Son.
Yeah, I'm not sure she was feeling the whole fishing thing.
Eh, yeah.
Well, you know, they weren't really biting today anyway.
But if you ask me, she's a keeper.
Yeah, she's great.
Yeah, I mean, coming down here with you, standing by your side through a big reunion like this.
You know, like you said in the email, - she helped you find me.
- Actually, that No, not every girl would do that.
Not every girl would care that much.
What you got here is a soul mate.
Come on, girl, let's go.
Come on.
Hey.
So, why did you quit gay rehab? God made me the way that I am.
If he didn't want me to be this way, he wouldn't have made me this way.
That's one of the reasons why I decided God is lame, for making people gay and then hating on them.
How do we know he does? - Mommy says so.
- And she's wrong.
I feel even more devoted to God now that I've accepted myself and know that he accepts me.
Well, that God sounds really cool, like a God I could hang with.
I do miss believing in something.
Not believing in things is depressing and a hell of a lot of work.
You're gorgeous, Sadie.
- I'm okay.
- Oh, come on.
Don't act like you don't hear this every day.
Someone does tell me I'm gorgeous almost every day, some idiot who I treat like [Bleep.]
, which he totally deserves.
Anyway, thank you.
Where's Matty? He went for a walk.
I think something his father said got him riled up.
Is he okay? He's fine.
He just doesn't want to talk to me.
It's been a long day, Jake.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Sorry about Northwestern.
It just sucks when you feel like you've done everything right but things They don't go your way.
Yeah.
It does.
Jake Hmm? Their loss.
Yeah.
[Both chuckle.]
Yeah, no, thanks.
Hola, papito.
Welcome to Mexico.
Hola.
Mom, Dad, this is my friend Brian.
Hi.
Brian.
It's a pleasure to meet you both.
Jenna has told me so much about you.
Marine, who's going to study marine biology at Scripps when he gets back from his tour in the Persian Gulf.
Impressive.
Not as impressive as your daughter going to Wycoff.
Well, my mom's going to Lockard, so Probably not, sweetie.
We'll talk later.
You guys go have fun.
No, no, we can talk now.
Yeah, okay.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too, ma'am.
- Give us five.
- Yeah.
So I was waiting for the right time.
Time for what? You're freaking me out.
Well Okay, um Guess what.
I'm pregnant.
Crazy, huh? What? - On purpose? - Not really.
Okay, how does this happen? Don't answer that.
Okay.
Okay, well, good.
I guess I'm gonna be a big sister.
Although, I won't be around, because I'll be at college.
So I guess you are gonna be the only Hamilton girl going to college after all.
Mom, you need to go to college.
How can I? Lots of ways.
Daycare, dad.
Mom, I was the first baby that kept you from college.
Don't let baby number two be the second.
It's not fair to it or me or you.
But if you walk away Sergio.
I didn't mean to be such a bitch.
Oh, bull[Bleep.]
.
You're a finely tuned bitch machine, Sadita.
Okay, you're right.
I did mean it, but I'm not so finely tuned.
Maybe my calibration is a little bit off.
What is that supposed to mean? It means maybe I was being such a bitch because maybe I don't know what to do about you.
Maybe I don't want to miss you.
Well, of course you're going to miss me, princess.
What's wrong with that? I don't like things I can't control.
Well, sometimes I think you do.
I don't want to miss you if I go.
Too [Bleep.]
bad.
And if you push me down Push me down There I'll stay They, Mrs.
H.
, have you seen Jenna? She's out, Matty.
Where'd she go? Do you know? Yep, I know.
So is this like a secret or something? She went on a walk with a guy she met.
Look, I need to talk to her, so I was hoping you could - Stop, Matty.
- Excuse me? Let her move on with her life.
You've broken her heart enough.
I broke her heart? Just let her go.
You had your chance.
I just don't want to treat this as a good-bye.
You'll be with me the entire time you're in the Gulf.
The Gulf? Shoot, it was one of the 'stans.
Tamara, what are you talking about? I'm going to Twentynine Palms.
Twentynine Palms? California? I thought you were going to the Gulf.
Yeah, in the next year.
We have nine months together, T.
If we get a jump, we can have our wedding before I leave.
[Mellow guitar.]
Slow down Everyone's been slowing down [Jenna screeches.]
But I've been up all night Thinking of you Hold tight Everyone's been keeping time And I can't see Hey, Matty.
Hey.
What is up? What are you What are you doing? Who is that with Jenna? What's up, man? Uh Listen, I need to tell you something.
It's about Gabby.
Just say it, man.
You're my best friend, bud.
You're pretty much the only person I trust.
- Oh, God, I'm a dick.
- No, you're not.
You always tell me the truth, and I know what you're gonna say.
And you're right.
Gabby and I aren't right together.
You're not? My dad called it today.
My, uh, technical dad.
My Danny.
He said you're not right together? No.
He said we were soul mates.
He pretty much calls everything the exact opposite of what it really is.
Never met anyone with a worse read on people.
Jesus, I hope I didn't inherit that.
Soul mate.
That's a pretty strong word.
Yeah.
Ooh It's too late for us to Hey, I'm gonna head back in.
Um Save some energy for tomorrow, you know? Yeah, cool.
Hey, uh, will you check on Gabby? Yeah.
Hey, you know, for what it's worth, if you still have feelings for Jenna, you know, maybe you should I can't.
This is for the rest of us Hoping it's all right Old enough to die And young enough to fight I had my chance.