Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s04e21 Episode Script

By being asked to serve on this jury, you've been given a great honor and a great responsibility.
The defendant has been charged with felonious battery.
Whether you choose to acquit him, convict him on this count, or convict him on a lesser count, please, remember, you hold in your hands more than the fate of the accused.
You hold in your hands the very integrity of our justice system.
Good luck.
The bailiff will now escort you to the jury room.
No wonder the legal system moves so low.
All that talk, when any fool can see the kid's guilty.
No kidding.
Let's grease the wheels of justice, take a vote right now.
Sounds good to me.
Lakers are playing the Knicks tonight.
Any objections? - No.
- No.
I'm the jury foreman, so I'll count the hands.
Uh, on the top count of felonious battery, who votes guilty? Not guilty? Come on.
Aw You're not serious.
Soon you'll be seeing the name of eastman medical center in lots of new places.
The board's given the go-ahead for a publicity campaign, including billboards and print ads.
It sounds a little crass, but times are changing.
If we want to afford programs like.
Dr.
Randall's free immunization clinic, we've got to sell ourselves like everyone else.
Does this mean we're going to have a jingle? Rossman weld, our advertising agency, has come up with a very tasteful campaign.
Our first billboard will be on the corner of Wilshire and San Vicente, with other locations soon to follow.
Now, say hello, please, to the faces of eastman, where experience and new ideas go hand in hand.
Awfully embarrassing, don't you think? Oh, yeah.
Miserable.
Can't stand it.
Dr.
Randall, this way.
A few more candid shots.
It's for the hospital, Emmett.
Just keep telling yourself that.
Bet they never told you it'd be like this in medical school.
No.
I graduated from medical school in 1952.
Back then, doctors didn't advertise.
Where did you study? Iowa university.
Really? Then you must've studied with Eric pierson.
Didn't his work on the dpt vaccine pretty much turn pediatric preventative medicine on its ear? That was so long ago, I can't remember.
Oh, I must have the dates mixed up.
You'd remember Eric pierson.
I heard he gave anatomy lectures in a skeleton costume.
You know, I'm beginning to realize this campaign is a sham.
I'm supposed to represent experience, but half of what I've done I can't remember.
- Were we in the same courtroom? - Yeah.
- Did you hear the witnesses' testimony? - Yeah.
He hit his boss, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Then he's guilty! No! I don't know.
I have my doubts, o.
K.
? Reasonable doubts.
Why don't you read your notes? The boss said, "stock these frozen dinners.
" The kid just slugged him.
End of story.
No.
No.
Not exactly.
Not exactly.
His words were, "stock these frozen dinners, maggot.
" This, after the defendant asked repeatedly for a break 'cause his fingers were freezing.
That's not black and white.
I give up.
Why are you being so stubborn? Why would they put a kid on a jury? Think! Think! Use your brains! Think! Where you going? Um, I'd like I'd like to talk to his honor.
O.
K.
You are in contempt, sir! You make a mockery of justice! Mr.
delpino, how can I help you? Listen.
I'm afraid I'm I'm going to have to resign from your jury.
I can't allow this unless you have an insurmountable time conflict or a significant illness.
Well, see, my best friend is a doctor, so So, um I've been able to identify certain telltale symptoms of a virulent strain of influenza.
What symptoms are these? What symptoms? Um, well, congestion, stomach pain, chest pain Also eyelid pain.
Nasal pain.
Um, ankle pain.
I guess I'll have to excuse you.
Thank you, your honor.
Thank you.
It's too bad, though.
I think you would've made an excellent juror.
Really? Me? Yes, Mr.
delpino.
I watched you during the trial.
You were very attentive.
Oh, yes, sir, your honor.
Look.
I took copious notes.
I see you took an opportunity to review them.
But I'm as confused as the day we started.
Excellent! Excuse me? Most people don't realize it, but when it comes to your average moral dilemma, confusion is actually sophisticated thinking.
Really? Then you have no idea how sophisticated I can be.
A jury room can be a very volatile place Arguments Anger Accusations.
What's a juror to do in the face of all that? Should he give in and vote against his conscience? - Should he quit? - No, no.
If he's got what it takes, he should stay and fight.
Does he? You know something, judge? It's a miracle.
All of a sudden, my symptoms just cleared up.
I must have been hit by one of those hit-and run bacterias that's been going around.
I'm glad to hear it.
Now, get out of here before you give it to me.
Thank you very much.
Pierson was at Iowa in '52.
Thank you, brain.
I was beginning to doubt you.
A fake doctor? He's a fake doctor? Doog Doog, I'm in shock here.
The very idea gives me the chills.
I let doctors touch me in places I won't touch myself.
If you can imagine that.
It's the worst breach of trust possible.
How does he get away with it? He's using the license of a doctor who died 34 years ago.
That swine.
All so he can rake in those fat-cat doctor dollars, huh? Actually, he's famous for not charging patients who can't afford it.
Who knows? Maybe he's on a monster ego trip.
You said everybody loves this guy.
Why not? He's friendly to people.
Wouldn't you be if you were defrauding an entire hospital? Well, I don't know.
I mean, a nice guy who didn't get rich when he could've? Maybe he's not the ogre you're making him out to be.
People like Randall don't deserve sympathy.
They deserve to be nailed to the wall, and I'm the one to do it.
Know what's becoming clear? What? You are not confused enough.
I beg your pardon? What people don't realize is that when it comes to your average moral dilemma, confusion is actually sophisticated thinking.
I think jury duty's affected your brain.
You've been listening to too many lawyers.
Hold on.
Just hear me out.
It's like this movie.
The good guys wear white hats, and the bad guys wear black hats.
That's how you tell them apart.
You're comparing my situation to a cowboy movie? Get out of here.
No.
That's my point.
Real life is much more complicated than old movies.
In real life, there is no black and white.
Good people do bad things, and bad people do good things.
What this Randall did was bad.
No doubt.
But before you round up your posse and hang him from the highest tree, walk a mile in his boots.
You don't wanna say anything to that? I want to say you're a bone head, and you don't know what you're talking about.
But I can't.
Bye-bye.
O.
K.
, next.
Well.
Hi, there.
They don't make doctors like Emmett anymore, do they? No, dad, they don't.
Can you use a hand, Emmett? You bet.
This may feel a bit cold.
Hello, son.
You look like a brave young man.
Well, I'm not.
I hate shots.
I want another straw vote.
Oh, please, not again.
Want to vote whether to vote? That's fine, too.
All right, let's just make it quick.
Guilty? Yep.
Yeah.
Yes.
Not guilty.
- Ohhh - Aw, jeez.
You see? Everybody agrees.
You kids.
If you're not punching out your supervisors, you're gumming up the justice system.
You're wrong.
All we're trying to do is our jobs.
In his case, it's a lousy minimum-wage job for a nasty, name-calling boss.
Aw, come on, will you? Give us a break.
Why do you defend this kid? Anybody can see he's no good.
Come on, just look at the hair, the snake tattoo.
It's plain as day.
Kid's a punk.
Wrong.
He's just a metal head.
Oh, excuse me.
I stand corrected.
You don't convict a man on the way he looks.
It proves nothing.
It proves he won't follow rules like everyone else.
He doesn't want to fit in.
Drop by any high school.
Dozens of kids look just like him, and all they're trying to do is fit in.
Nobody here ever did anything rebellious to fit in? Like hitting my boss.
- Yeah.
- No.
I did.
What? All right, Mrs.
linson! My mother begged me not to do it.
She said I'd regret it the rest of my life.
Of course, that only made me want it more.
Oh! - Oh! - What is it? Does anybody have any pepto? O.
K.
All right.
Now, did this tattoo make you a bad kid? Just a foolish one.
Straw vote! Aw, jeez, come on! Come on, will you? Hey, it's my right.
Anybody can call one.
Who says guilty? Here.
I do.
Here.
O.
K.
, not guilty.
I never had a tattoo, but I wanted one.
Well We know what's not relevant to the proceedings.
Let's look what is relevant.
Suddenly, he's Jimmy smits.
What's relevant is, he had no right to hit anybody.
I'm not saying he had a right.
He had a reason.
Look.
O.
K.
Right.
He was handling frozen food for four straight hours.
He had no gloves, so his fingers are freezing.
He made a reasonable request to take a break, and his boss said, "no.
" Then he called him a very unkind name, just to add insult to injury.
All right.
You listened to the bleeding heart.
Now listen to the truth.
Kids have to learn their limits.
I don't care how far anybody pushes someone There's no excuse for swinging at a guy, and that's all there is to it.
I guess that makes sense, coming from a tree stump like you.
What? Anybody who can't tell a comb-over from real hair probably can't tell truth from fiction, either.
Watch your mouth.
I'm older than you.
Older, fatter, balder, stupider.
You got it all over me, gramps.
I'm warning you, kid.
Instead of combing the hair straight over your head, why not spell something with it, like, cue ball? - Oh, hey! - Hey! Is he all right? Ohhh I went too far, didn't I? I had that coming, didn't I? What do you say we take one more vote? How about that ad campaign, doc? Youth and experience at the same hospital? How could it be more perfect? I mean, I'm 19, and you're 105.
Well, I know I look old, son, but not that old.
Well, that's funny, because according to the California medical board, Emmett Randall got his medical license in 1912.
I've waited 30 years for this.
You'd think I'd be better prepared.
Does anybody else know about this? Not yet.
Well, I'm at your mercy, doctor.
What do you want me to do? I want you to tell me why.
The real Emmett Randall was my uncle.
He was the kind of small-town doctor people worshipped, me included.
So when I went to Korea, I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
I signed up to be a medic.
I got basic battlefield medical training and more hands-on experience than I like to remember.
But I made myself pretty useful.
Remember the first time you saved a life? Yes, I do.
I never wanted that feeling to stop.
I thought of med school, but I'm not much good with books.
My parents were dead.
I had no money.
A few months later, my uncle died.
While I was going through his things, I came across his medical license.
All I had to do was renew it.
It seemed almost Too easy.
Well, I have to say one thing for you You haven't been sloppy.
You don't have one grievance or malpractice claim.
I've been very careful.
You've been very lucky.
There's a thousand ways someone could've been hurt.
It kills me how little they do to bogus doctors like you A fine and a suspended sentence.
Your patients are going to suffer more than that.
They put their trust in you.
What happens to me, I can accept.
But for my patients, I'd like to ask one favor Let me be the one to tell them.
They deserve that much.
Have you reached a verdict? Yes, we have, your honor.
Will the defendant please rise? As to the first count of felonious battery, how do you find? We find the defendant not guilty.
Thank you.
As to the second count of misdemeanor battery, how do you find? We find the defendant guilty, your honor.
Very well.
It's clear from your verdict that you have found reason to look beyond the letter of the law and show this defendant mercy.
In sentencing him, I will try to honor your intentions and show a similar compassion.
The court thanks you for your excellent service.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Emmett, could I speak to you for a moment? In private.
- Surprise! - Surprise! You didn't think we'd let you retire without a party, did you? I never thought I'd see the day when you left medicine.
It's so sudden.
My wife and I have been dreaming about a world cruise for 10 years.
I guess we finally decided to stop putting it off.
Let's hear from the other face of eastman.
Dr.
howser.
Right.
Come on, doctor.
Speech! Speech! Um I guess all of us have learned from Emmett Randall at one time or another.
If there's one thing he's taught me, it's, uh Always put the patient first.
Hear, hear.
Bravo Emmett.
Well, vin, I have to thank you.
You get older, you start to see the world has more shades than black and white.
There's also black and blue.
Listen, which goes better on a swollen eye Eggplant parmigiana or a popsicle? Mmm.
Actually Frozen vegetables.
It molds to the injury.
Succotash? I'll say this I'm so lucky you're a doctor.
Ohhh.
Mmm.