Grounded For Life (2001) s04e21 Episode Script

[brakes screech.]
That was a fun ride, Eddie.
Yeah.
Get some, uh Sorry you had to get out when we got to that hill.
Hey, Jimmy.
Remember Hope? Hey.
How's it going? Whatever.
What's the problem? I don't like women anymore.
That's cool, but it's a big step, and I'm not sure your father's gonna be on board right away.
No.
Eddie, I don't mean it like that.
I just don't understand how their brains work.
You're a woman, Hope.
Who do you torture us? I don't know.
'Cause we can? No.
I'm serious.
How do you talk to women without turning yourself into a babbling moron? Whatever you did, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think.
You should have seen me.
I noticed we're both drinking iced coffee.
Is it "ice coffee" or "iced coffee"? I mean I guess either way, it's fine, really.
You know, but the-- the coffee's not ice, and it's not really iced, either.
You know? Mmm.
Okay.
You're busy.
Bye.
That's not so bad, right, Hope? Oh, yeah.
I've seen guys fail a lot worse than that.
Really? Who? Um Oh, there's this guy that lives at the ATM by my building.
He is--He's pretty bad with the ladies.
Thanks.
That's just great.
Didn't that guy get engaged? Shh! Oh, hey, Hope.
Hey.
Hey, Sean.
Hey, Claudia.
You want to stay for dinner? Oh, no, I can't.
I got to get downtown.
Want to borrow my car? No, I'm gonna walk.
I'm in a hurry.
I'll see you later, baby.
Bye.
Bye.
Yeah, you seem pretty happy, baby.
Yeah, it's doomed! What are you talking about? You and Hope seem great together.
It's not about Hope directly.
It's about Amy.
Wait.
Amy, your ex-girlfriend? Crazy Amy? Uh, Claudia, that was our nickname for her.
Oh, Crazy-- Crazy like crazy-fun.
Crazy-fun, great to be around.
Crazy Amy.
Crazy.
I can't do this.
She was crazy.
Well, I thought it was a pretty interesting movie.
Oh, it was so violent.
She never even killed Bill.
Well, Part 2 comes out next year.
She'll have her shot, huh? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! I wouldn't want to be Bill.
You know what I mean? Kinda.
Sure.
Yeah.
Hey, Bill.
Got a little something for you.
Hee-yah! Yah! Yah! Keng-tun! Oh, yeah.
Please, please, please, stop killing Bill.
Hey, I'm not Bill.
God.
Take it so seriously.
It's only a movie.
Amy loves the movies.
In fact, she wrote a screenplay.
I read the first 600 pages.
It's really good.
It's a dark comedy about a group of peasants during The Plague who eat their own limbs.
To survive? Oh, that's good.
Could I use that? It's all yours.
To be honest, I'm relieved she's out of your life.
Yeah? Well, last night, she popped back in.
Oh, look, rabbits.
We should get one together.
I'm not really a rabbit guy.
I need something more durable, like a turtle.
Hello, Eddie.
Amy, hi.
Who's your friend? This is Hope.
Hi.
You guys just go rabbit shopping together orother things, too? Okay.
See you around.
Oh, you can count on it.
Who is that? Just keep walking.
What's the big deal? I thought you broke up with her six months ago.
Well, uh, you know, Amy doesn't like the term "broken up.
" She prefers the term "still together.
" All right, Eddie, is there any reason besides clinical insanity that she would believe you're not totally broken up? No, Uh-uh.
Absolutely not.
Well, there was New Year's Eve, Come on, Ed.
It's a lonely holiday.
Hey, Jimbo.
We saw your little flame at the Moca JoJo's.
You guys saw that? Yeah, but there's something you might want to know.
Mmm.
Okay.
Bye.
Oh, torched.
Who does she think she is? Hey! You with the attitude.
What-- She's deaf? Yeah, apparently, she wasn't snubbing you.
She couldn't hear you.
She didn't hear the stupid stuff I said? Yeah, you got a do-over, J-Dawg! Yeah.
Go get her.
What do I say? It doesn't matter.
She can't hear you.
Right.
That's perfect for me! Yes! What are you so happy about? I just found out that the girl I like is deaf.
Man, some guys get all the breaks.
Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? You have a great girlfriend.
Yeah, and a psycho ex.
[crash, car alarm.]
What is that? My car.
Oh, my God.
Now do you believe me? Look at this.
She tipped over my car.
Okay, in fairness, Ed, didn't a case of beer do this once? I know you're out there! Hey, what's doing on? Brad knows sign language.
He's teaching me some stuff to say to Jimmy's girlfriend.
Oh, great.
Okay.
So here's hello.
Ha ha.
You don't think she'd get this? Do you want to learn it or not? That's not yes! Mom, Emma's on her way.
When are we eating? Just as soon as the spaghetti's done.
Oh, that's not meat sauce, is it? 'Cause Emma can't eat meat.
Oh.
Well, I can just make her some plain spaghetti with Parmesan cheese.
She can't eat cheese, either.
Deaf people can't eat cheese? [doorbell rings.]
Hey, Emma.
You get this, right? See? Totally works.
Come in.
Nice to meet you.
When did you move here? Ah.
She says I'm very good at sign language.
Thank you very much.
So are you.
I--I guess you'd have to be.
Uh, Jimmy's in the kitchen.
Ha! Sign language is so easy.
All right.
Nice and easy.
All right.
Right here.
Ready? Damn it! Ed! It's heavy.
Oh.
Hey, baby.
What exactly is that? Is that a safe? Yeah.
What's for dinner? Did you think the "safe" conversation was over? It's Amy's.
Oh, God, are there human remains in there? She's in possession of some very sensitive materials which I need to get back.
Sensitive? What does that mean? Come on, Ed, get it over with.
Okay.
Just keep in mind the people in the story were very much in love and very wasted.
These pictures are great.
I want to shoot you.
[stammering.]
Please don't.
Silly.
With my camera.
If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now.
Good.
That's good.
Lose the robe.
I'll lose the robe.
Nice.
Yeah.
You know what? Let me try something creative.
H-How creative? Very creative.
How creative? Extremely creative.
Uh.
Okay.
Enough said.
You think Amy will use these pictures against you? You're the one who calls her Crazy Amy.
Well, so you're sure the pictures are in this safe? They'd better be.
Come on, Ed.
We've looked everywhere.
Oh, man.
She has a safe, yes.
Oh, God.
I see her coming.
She's coming down the street! All right.
Just help me get this thing out of here.
No.
No way, no way.
Sean, you're not being very cooperative.
What if she comes-- Let's talk about it later! We got to make our move.
How the hell we gonna get that thing down there? You climb down there, and I'll drop it to you.
Who the hell do you think I am, Wile E.
Coyote? Maybe I have one of those little umbrellas to protect me.
There's got to be some kind of way that we-- That'll do it.
Look, Eddie, I feel for you.
Really, I do.
But that woman is crazy, scary crazy, and now you provoked her by breaking into her place and stealing a safe? Hey, I'm desperate here, Claudia.
If these pictures get out, I could lose Hope.
The girl, not the concept.
Thank you.
All right, fine.
If it's for Hope, I guess I'm on board.
But put the stolen safe with the naked pictures in the basement.
It's kind of a house rule.
Okay.
Thanks, baby.
Does she want to play video games? [Brad.]
She's not comfortable wasting money when so many people live in poverty.
Okay, so no to the mall, no to the comic book store, no to video games.
What does she want to do? She's up for anything.
The bathroom's up there.
Great, great.
We've got something in common.
Yeah, we both use the bathroom.
Girlfriend trouble? Yeah.
We have nothing in common.
We don't even have anything to talk about.
All the girls at school are talking about you and Emma.
They think you're like a sensitive stud.
Wow.
Who's saying this? Allison, Natalie, Carla Vitrano, Ashley.
Ashley? Yeah.
She said she never knew you were that deep.
I am.
I'm that deep.
Man, I got to dump Emma and ask out Ashley.
Wow.
You just went from deep, sensitive guy to shallow, horny ass in less than a second.
Yeah, Jim, think about it.
You don't want to be the guy who dumped the deaf girl.
Oh, man.
Hi, Claudia.
Aah! Amy.
You're back.
Can I come in? Uh-- Apparently.
SoEddie here? Here? No.
Not here.
No.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
His car's outside.
Yeah.
He likes to park it here.
when he goes away for long periods of time.
[sigh.]
Claud, can I share something personal with you? Boy, I'd rather you didn't.
See--ahem--Eddie and I had a little lovers' quarrel, and all of a sudden, somebody broke into my studio and took my safe.
Now, I just can't help wondering if there was a connection, you know? That doesn't sound like Eddie.
Well, you don't know Eddie like I do.
He makes me laugh.
He makes me cry.
He makes me scream.
Hey, you guys.
Hey.
Where's Emma.
She online? No.
She doesn't like the internet.
She thinks it's a substitute for human interaction.
That's what's so great about it.
We have nothing in common.
It's so lame.
Well, okay, she's hot, and she likes me, and she's got girl parts.
Yeah.
She's pretty.
Yeah.
And I keep telling myself it's all about the looks, but do you know what? It's not.
It's not about looks at all.
I mean, it is a little.
I mean a lot.
I mean, for me, it's all about the looks.
Except for everything else that makes up the total package.
If you don't like her, break up with her.
I don't want to be the guy who broke up with the deaf girl.
But you have to.
Can you do it for me? You want me to break up with her for you? Yes.
No! Please.
No! You don't want to be the guy who has his sister break up with the deaf girl.
I do want to be that guy.
Come on.
You've seen me talk to girls.
I don't know what to say.
It's humiliating.
I'm incompetent.
It'll be a train wreck.
It'll be so ugly, neither one of us will get over it.
Oh Okay, fine, I'll do it.
The next time I have to break up with somebody, you get to do it for me.
Deal.
I'll be gentle.
[whispering.]
How's it going? Shh.
[tumblers clicking.]
You messed up my rhythm.
Maybe it's not your rhythm I messed up.
Maybe you have no idea what you're doing! I don't know what I'm doing? This is a Voorhees three-tumbler model with the spring action bolt release mechanism.
Each tumbler has two positions-- one set, one reset.
They have to be tripped in order.
Did you just make that up? Yeah, I made that up.
I don't know what I'm doing.
All right, I've got a method, okay? It's call the focused kinetic energy release system.
So any mention where he was going? Uh, no.
He just went out with Sean, and I don't expect him back any time.
All right, well, I'm gonna get going.
Listen, if you see Eddie, can you tell him my safe was stolen? But not to worry, 'cause the pictures weren't in there.
He'll know what that means.
Crap.
Hey, listen, I just want to say that I really like you, and I'm sorry that you had to get dragged into this thing.
Oh.
That's okay.
No touching.
All right, enough.
Enough, Sean.
Enough, okay? You know why they call this a safe? Because it's safe from goons with hammers.
You know what? I don't even know why I bought this sledgehammer.
No one lets me fix anything with it.
[crash.]
Henry, damn it, I told you not to play downstairs.
Oh, hi.
Hi, baby.
How you doing? Okay.
Yeah.
Crazy Amy was just here in our house.
What? Uh-oh.
Uh-oh? Uh-oh is "I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.
" This is holy freaking crap, Crazy Amy was in our house.
As soon as we get the pictures, we'll get the safe out of here.
The pictures aren't in the safe.
She just told me.
She's still got the pictures, Sean.
She's gonna use them, too, and then I'm gonna lose Hope-- the girl and the concept.
Can you hear this? [louder.]
How about now? [yelling.]
How about now? Henry, stop yelling.
I need to talk to Emma alone.
How about now? Wow.
Go! Uhum You and Jimmy, um are not, uhworking out.
Working out.
Okay, ha, um He--He wants to breakupwith you.
But--But--But he doesn't want to hurt you.
Uhh! Ah! Um but it's--it's-- it's over.
Over.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't leave.
Don't--Don't leave.
Wait, wait.
Don't leave, leave.
Lily, what are you doing? They're leaves falling.
She wants to know what's going on.
Okay, it's just-- Look, you're a really great person, but I'm not sure this is working out.
But we were having such a good time together.
Yeah, but we don't have anything in common, you know? and I don't know where it goes from here.
But you made the first move.
You kissed me first.
I did, and you're really beautiful.
And you're really cute.
I'm glad we didn't go any farther.
How much farther could we have gone? Jimmy! Sorry.
Look, I hope we can still be friends.
Hug? Okay.
Not you.
What did she say? I really shouldn't repeat that.
Hey, what's going on? Is Eddie around? Yeah, he's downstairs.
Hey.
Hope, hey.
Hey.
I, uh, I got 'em.
You--what? The, uh, the pictures that you sent.
Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah.
And at first I was, like, Wow, these are kinda twisted.
That's fair.
And then I thought, Wow, what an amazing gesture that you felt secure enough in our relationship to share something so-- so personal.
That's exactly what I was going for.
So I have to, uh, I have to ask you.
Who took these? Sean.
Oh, hey, Hope.
Hey.
You're, uh, you're very talented.
And very, uh, unafraid.
Thank you.
Shall we get a bite? I'd love to.
What the hell's she talking about? Don't worry.
Hold onto those for me.
Oh, my God.
Did Hope see these? Yeah.
And what? And she thinks you're a freak.
Oh, uh, hey, baby.
Listen, Henry needs this permission slip signed to go on a school trip.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Ohh! Eddie.
Where you been? I missed you.
Listen to me.
What we had was very special, but it's in the past, okay? I need you to leave me alone.
Did she get the pictures? Yeah.
Now, that was really messed up.
Okay, look.
I only did it because I just couldn't stand to see you with her.
You're the only guy I ever wanted.
Uh-huh.
Who's this? You.
That is not me, okay? I would never do that.
Oh, my God.
That's Robert.
You can keep Robert.
This means I may have sent pictures of you to Robert's wife.
That is so embarrassing.
Good-bye.
Call me! Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
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