The Exes (2011) s04e21 Episode Script

Here you are, Millicent, my dear.
Oh, aren't you the perfect gentleman? Not that you have to be.
Don't tempt me, you vixen.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be just a moment, but every moment away from you is like an eternity.
I hate you for you to go.
But I love watching you walk away.
Oh! Phew.
Hello, all.
- Hey.
- H-hey, Haskell, what's up? Nothing much.
Okay, so we're not gonna talk about the 1000-year-old elephant in the room? Okay, okay, my dire financial situation has necessitated some drastic measures.
I'm back in the boy toy game.
So, how serious is this? I mean, have you met her parents yet? Amusing.
None of this would be needed if Margo's alimony payments weren't bleeding me dry.
What happened to her fiancé? Yeah, I thought she was getting married.
As did I.
Oh, uh Break's over.
Yeah, we're having a quick drink then we're going back to her place to feed her Chihuahua.
I pray that's not a euphemism.
Hey, chuckles, what's with the black suit, huh? Yeah, who died? My mentor.
Oh.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Yeah, me too, buddy.
If you need to talk, I'm here for you.
You know what, actually, I'll be out there for you.
Dr.
Arnold gave me my first job after dental school, taught me everything I know.
As I was giving the eulogy, I couldn't help but think that could be me in 50 years.
Man who spent his whole life as a dentist.
Is that so bad? Well, it is if you have other dreams.
You know my passion is cooking.
Then do something about it.
Maybe Dr.
Arnold's death was a wake-up call.
Not for him, but for you.
Follow your dream, Stuart.
You really think I should? Absolutely.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Take a chance.
If not now, when? You know what? You're right.
Thank you, Holly.
Why is Haskell canoodling with that old lady? That's what happens when your dreams go south.
Hey, Haskell.
So, where's your lady friend? Yeah, where's your significant older? She's getting her hair done.
And after she drops it off, she's going to a movie.
Yeah, she said to rest up because tonight we're gonna party like it's 1939.
Anyway, what are we doing in here? I don't know, Stuart picked the place.
- Mm.
- Ah, there they are.
Thank you all for meeting me here on this wonderful day.
Wow, someone's in a great mood.
I am, and it's because of you.
I thought about what you said about following my dreams.
So I did.
Oh, good for you.
So tell me, what did I inspire you to do? I sold my dental practice and I bought this place.
Oh, my God, why would you do that? You bought this place? Yeah.
- This place? - Mm-hmm.
Congrats Jeez.
I was just walking around the city and pondering my future when fate brought me here to Giovanni's.
You guys heard that, right? It wasn't me, it was fate.
I got to talking to the owner, and the next thing I know, I made him an offer and miraculously, he agreed to sell.
Ah, there he is, my beautiful friend.
Giovanni.
I know it can't be easy letting go of your baby, I just hope you're not having any second thoughts.
No.
I mean, it is with a heavy heart that I say "thank you, thank you, thank you.
" Oh, all right.
Look, guys, I know the place needs work, but I've had a vision of my dream restaurant for 20 years and now I get to bring it all to life.
And I owe it all to Holly.
We get it.
Let's not beat it to death.
Well, Giovanni turned over the keys.
I am officially a restaurateur.
I gotta give you your props, man.
Selling your practice, going all in.
You got some cajones hidden under those pleated khakis.
Thanks, Phil.
They've always been there, I just had to figure out how to use them.
You know, I admire that crazy bastard.
Makes me want to follow my dreams.
But how can I when I gotta pay alimony to Margo, that big-haired boobzilla? Haskell, do something about it.
I mean, tell her your financial situation.
I'm sure Margo can be reasonable.
Margo? Reasonable? She demanded half our couch in the divorce.
This used to be a sectional.
No, there's only one way I'm getting rid of her.
Haskell, don't go there.
Oh, no.
Oh, I don't mean that.
No, I don't mean that.
I've got to convince Margo to marry her fiancé and make that poor bastard the happiest man in the world.
And if you do that, if it works, you'll go from "I don't want to pay no more" to I don't got to pay no more I don't got to pay no more I don't got to pay no more I don't got to pay no more And you guys wonder why you're still single.
- Stuart.
- Hey, Holly.
I'm going through all the recipes I've created over the years.
Honing in on that signature dish for my restaurant.
My restaurant.
Ah.
Still can't believe I'm saying it.
I looked over your contract, and I think I can get you out of it.
We'll claim duress.
You might have to go in for a 24-hour psych eval, but I think insanity is the way to go.
What are you talking about? I've never been more sane in my life.
Good, that's what all the crazies say.
I don't get it.
What happened to follow your dreams, Stuart? I meant take a cooking class, go on a culinary tour of France, watch Cupcake Wars.
I didn't mean sell your practice and buy a freakin' restaurant.
So what you're really saying is, you don't believe in me? Well, everyone else in this apartment does.
I'm sorry that you're not one of them.
Hi, Haskell.
Hello, Margo.
I see you've been doing a little shopping.
No, I've been doing a lot of shopping.
If you got it, spend it, right? Right.
So, Haskell, to what do I owe the pleasure? - Thank you.
- Uh, you know, Margo, I've been thinking a lot about you lately, and-and to be honest, I'm a little worried.
Aw, Haskell, that's sweet.
Why? Well, I uh, I noticed on your Facebook page that you and your fiancé still aren't married.
Yeah, well, what's the rush? It's not like I'm knocked up or anything.
Let's face it, the last egg I dropped was at Whole Foods.
Well, I-I-I just want to make sure that this guy isn't stringing you along.
'Cause you know, Margo, all I want for you is to be happy and married.
Married and settled down and married.
Oh, Haskell.
You are so full of it, it's coming out your ears.
What? "All I want is for you to be happy.
" All you want is to get out of paying alimony.
Of course I do.
I mean, while you're shopping at Whole Foods I'm buying bananas out of a guy's trunk.
Give me a break, I've been paying for years.
Yeah, you're gonna keep on paying, too.
You know what, Haskell, if you'd been straight with me I might have been sympathetic.
But after this stunt, I'm gonna shop till you drop.
Hey, you forgot the sugar.
Oh, ah-ha, it's here.
Everyone, everyone, the first table has arrived.
Carry on.
Okay, Dr.
Gardner.
We pulled out the appliances, and we check out the electrical, plumbing, and ventilation.
And? It ain't pretty.
This is what it's going to take to bring everything up to code.
Oh-Oh, my God.
I don't have this kind of money.
This is way beyond my budget.
Yeah, you have my sympathy.
Tools down, we're out of here.
No, no, no.
Tools up.
Tools up.
Please, I'll get the money somehow.
Don't worry, I trust you.
Lunch till we get a check.
Oh, my God, Stuart, look at this place.
You're really making it happen.
Yup, yup, making it happen.
What are you doing here, Holly? I came to apologize.
Look, I didn't mean to trash your dream.
I was just afraid you were getting in over your head.
But look, I am behind you 100%.
- You mean that? - Absolutely.
I believe in you.
If there's anything I can do you just say the word.
- Anything? - Yeah, anything.
Well, it turns out, I'm a little short on funds.
Okay.
Taking out my checkbook.
All right, and I'm gonna make it out to my good friend - Stuart Gardner.
- Mm-hmm.
Signed, with love, Holly Franklin.
Memo, I believe in you.
Okay, let's fill out the amount.
How much? Holy crap! Are you insane? No, it's crazy, I shouldn't have even asked.
It's just if I don't get the money, then my dream ends here.
Well, I'm not going to let that happen.
What? Here.
Oh, my God.
Really? Oh, thank you, Holly.
You saved my life.
And I want you to know that this isn't just a loan.
I want to make you my partner.
Really? Ooh, I can do that.
Okay.
Hey, what do you think about a banquette right here and maybe some spotlights right over the bar - Silent partner.
- You got it.
How do we feel about this table? Shh.
Margo, what are you doing here? Aren't you gonna ask a lady in? And don't give me the "I will when I see one.
" To what do I owe this unpleasant surprise? Well, I thought about what you said the other day and you are a real douche-nozzle.
You couldn't have sent that in an email? Let me finish.
You were right.
Maybe it is time I got hitched.
Mike and I talked it over and we're getting married.
Well, if you think it's right.
Cut the act, Haskell, I know you're dying to bust out the Lutz Victory Pump.
That's not true.
All right, go ahead.
Remember the first time you did that move? Oh, the night I won the Northeast Bowling Invitational.
Uh-huh.
And then how we celebrated later at the Paramus Holiday Inn? We got four noise complaints.
So I'm a screamer.
You know, even with all the fighting and yelling and throwing stuff, we had some good times, huh? We sure did.
You know, I always smile whenever I look at this shrimp fork scar.
Who knows what we even fought about.
I do.
You took the last shrimp.
I bowled four matches that day.
I'm saying, a gentleman doesn't do that.
I'm saying a lady doesn't stick a guy with a shrimp fork.
Is it too late to say I'm sorry? It's never too late.
- I guess I should go.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
Uh, Margo, I hope your guy makes you happy.
Yeah, well, he's got his hands full.
In more ways than one.
So long, Margo.
Bye, Haskie.
Welcome to "Elation".
"By Stuart".
That last part's still up for grabs.
Buddy, the places looks amazing.
Thank you, and please call me "Chef".
Glad this place didn't go to your head.
Chef.
Wow, it's completely changed.
You guys must have dropped a bundle on it.
It's only money.
Well, my partner and I are so pleased that you could attend our pre-opening menu tasting.
You're about to embark on a culinary adventure.
To entice your palette I have prepared a Chilean sea bass in a lemon verbena broth with micro cubes of clam juice gel, dusted with bergamot tea and topped with a lavender foam.
Mmm.
Can I get fries with this? We don't offer fries, as such.
But I can offer you a sweet potato galette with poached leeks, saffron threads, smoked Himalayan sea salt Uh, can I get some bread to snack on while you describe this? We don't offer bread as such.
But I can uh, find How about food as such? Ah-hem, Chef Stuart, what do you say we get the show on the road? Yes, of course.
As the culinary god Escoffier once - Stuart! - Bon appétit.
So, now that you're finished, I eagerly await your critique of my meal.
What do you think? Tell me, tell me.
- Fabulous.
- Incredible.
- Amazing.
- You've outdone yourself.
- Really? - Mm.
You know what, let me grab a bottle of Sauterne to celebrate.
Hey, you guys really liked it? It's a little sophisticated for my taste but There was a lot going on there.
- A lot.
- Okay.
But it was good, right? Good.
Was it good? Come on, be honest.
It was a nightmare, I just wanted it to stop.
There was a war inside my mouth, and errybody died.
I'm gonna go lick the sidewalk to cleanse my palette.
Oh, no.
I thought that horrible taste was just me having a stroke.
Wh-wh-what are we going to do? We can't tell Stuart the truth.
The hell we can't.
I've got my retirement funds dumped into this place.
We have to tell him the truth.
Tell me the truth about what? Huh? Uh, ha, oh, Stuart, ha, mm.
Well, uh, the consensus in the room is that the food was a bit complicated.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
So what you're saying is, it was "complex with a layered depth of flavor.
" Mm, no.
What I'm saying is it was more of a contradictory mix of drizzles and foams and cubes and shavings So, what you're saying is, the vast array of flavors was challenging to your palette.
What I'm saying is, it was a culinary crap storm.
What? Do you guys feel the same? Buddy, I gotta be honest with you, I wouldn't pay for this.
Although, I've got a feeling I'm going to be later.
It made me sad.
Look, Stuart, I'm sorry, but we've got to change the menu or we're gonna go under before we even start.
Well, we're not changing a thing.
It's my restaurant, my dream, my menu.
This is "Elation", "By Stuart".
I'm going to lose all my money.
I am so screwed.
"By Stuart".
Hey.
Sup man, what you doing? Checking out Margo's Facebook page.
She just changed her status to "getting married.
" Hey! You did it.
You pulled it off, man.
And you know what that means? You know what time it is.
You know what time it is! Come on, now, let's get into it.
I don't got to pay no more I don't got to pay no more I don't I can't hear you, buddy.
Ah, I'm sorry, Phil.
I'm just not in the mood.
What's wrong? Margo came here yesterday to tell me she was getting married and all these feelings came flooding back.
I've never met anybody like her.
She's the only person I know who can give me a migraine, indigestion, and a boner at the same time.
I-I never feel so alive as when I'm with her and now I'm gonna lose her forever.
Haskell, what are you trying to say? I'm still in love with her.
Where's Stuart? I've got to talk to him.
He's in the kitchen.
Holly, you're not gonna believe what Haskell Not now! Okay, look.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but this is business.
And there is now way we are opening that restaurant serving that food.
- I know.
- What? You guys were right.
I was just kidding myself, my food's a disaster.
I'm in over my head and the worst part is I dragged you into this.
Here.
What's this? A check for everything you gave me.
Don't cash it yet, I'm gonna sell the restaurant and go back to being a dentist.
Holly, I don't care if I have to bleach teeth in a mall kiosk, I'm going to pay you back every penny.
But what about your dream? Ah, it turned out to be more of a fantasy.
I was insane for thinking I could pull it off.
Ah, I'm no chef.
Just a dentist.
That's all I'll ever be.
What are you doing? We are not selling our restaurant and you are not giving up on your dream.
Whatever it takes, we will figure this out.
Holly, I can't go back in that kitchen.
Oh, no, you cannot.
So, we'll just hire a chef to get us started until you're ready to take over.
- Are you sure about this? - I believe in you.
So like it or not, we are opening "Elation", "By Stuart".
Holly, thank you.
And still, you have to admit the clam cubes had a certain - We're hiring a chef.
- Okay.