The Neighborhood (2018) s04e21 Episode Script

1 Okay, Tina.
What's your big news? So, remember back in the day when I was in that girl group? Femme Nasty.
They were like Compton's Destiny's Child.
I'm sorry, baby.
No, I'm just excited for you.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
- Okay.
So, there's this TV show called Are They Still Alive? And Where they bring back local music groups and answer the question, "Are they still alive?" Please, no, baby, continue.
No, go, go.
Okay, so as I was saying, well, it turns out that They want Femme Nasty to perform! Sorry.
Calvin told me last night.
Sorry, Calvin.
(FEIGNING SURPRISE): Oh, wow, Tina.
This is amazing.
So you knew, too? (SIGHS) Sorry, I suck at lying.
Well, anyway, I'm so excited.
I have not seen Nicki or Janice since before I had the boys.
Oh, you three were inseparable.
One time, I took Tina out, and they all came.
It was the most money I ever spent at a Denny's.
(TINA LAUGHS) But once our song hit the charts, everywhere Femme Nasty went, our food was free.
Yeah.
You guys really were Compton's Destiny's Child.
And I bet you were the Beyoncé.
No, Gemma.
Beyoncé was the me.
♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ Welcome to the hood.
♪ (WHOOPING, LAUGHING) God, I am so happy to see my girls.
How has it been so long? - Oh, to quote the great - The years fly by.
You had kids.
Janice and I moved away.
I went to jail.
You did not go to jail.
I married a pastor, so basically the same thing.
But now the fellas are in luck, because I am single and ready to Run amok? Sure, we'll go with that.
Well, a lot has changed for me.
I - All right, are we singing or what? - Let's go.
- (FEEDBACK SQUEALING) - TINA: Ooh, ooh.
Sorry, ladies.
It was kind of hard to find a tech guy at the last minute.
How's it going in there? You're good to go.
But it's gonna cost you two extra cupcakes for my overtime.
Y-You know what? It's just so great seeing you ladies.
You know, I can't remember why we gave it up.
Well, there were several reasons why we gave it Wait, hold up, hold up.
Something doesn't feel right.
I need you two to switch positions.
Hurry up.
Time is money.
Oh, Janice, please don't slouch.
Hey, uh, did we miss rehearsal? Sorry, guys.
Dave is somehow your biggest fan.
Ladies, this is Dave and Gemma.
And, uh, sorry, Femme Nasty rehearsals are closed.
I even kicked Calvin out.
Hold on.
Those were the old rules.
I like being watched.
Okay, let's go.
All right, uh, Gemma, could you hit the button, please? Oh.
Yeah.
(RHYTHMIC POP MUSIC PLAYING) - You think you're slick ♪ - (GEMMA GASPS) They're so good.
You think you're slick ♪ They really connect with their audience.
You think you're slick, but I know your game ♪ You think you're slick ♪ Some of the audience.
- (MUSIC STOPS) - What? Grover, what happened? I was watching the nice lady dance for Daddy.
Well, it was working the last time I touched it.
Oh, there's your problem.
It's unplugged.
Oh, my.
I wonder how that happened.
Well, you guys have a lot of rehearsing to do, so we're leaving.
- We are? - Now, Dave.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) He was cute.
Mm, I hope you talking about Grover.
No, I'm talking about Dave.
That tall glass of milk, he's got something.
Yeah, it's called a wife and child.
♪ (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Okay, everybody.
Hey, what's up? Look, today is a big day for our boy, Victor Davis.
- Who? - Who is Victor? Crackhead Victor.
- ALL: Oh! - I mean, you could've just said that.
Look, Victor's out of rehab, and he's coming back to start cutting hair again.
Yeah, and if he doesn't get the support he needs, he could go right back to sleeping in your cars.
Or impersonating you at the gym so he can use their showers.
Yeah, or stealing your Amazon packages and then trying to sell them back to you.
CALVIN: Oh, hey.
That's all in the past, all right? Now, Victor needs all of our help to move forward.
Yeah, and I don't want him to slide back into addiction after how hard he's worked, so I've convinced Que to let him rent a chair until he gets back on his feet.
Now okay, now, here he comes.
Everybody, let's give him a warm welcome.
- Hey, everybody! - Hey, Vic.
- (UNENTHUSIASTIC GREETINGS) - What's up, Vic? Hey, Vic, man.
How you doing? You ready to get started? Yeah.
I'm a little nervous.
It's been a minute since I've cut someone.
Their hair, I mean.
(CHUCKLES) Uh, yeah, you know, we might want to start you out on clippers.
All right, everybody, I'm out of here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Dad? Pop, where you going? To the ballet, Malcolm.
Look, I got six cars waiting for me at the shop.
Y'all got this.
All right.
Guys, let's support our neighbor.
Who's up first? Marty? Uh, listen.
Necie loves my hair long, and I love Necie, so no.
Okay.
Uh, Malcolm, ready to jump in there? Uh, you know, I would, Dave, but, uh, with my delicate hairline, brother, I can't take any risks.
You do it, Dave.
You're married with a kid.
Nobody cares how you look.
All right.
No problem.
I trust Victor.
I supervised craft time at the VA, and his his paper snowflakes were transcendent.
All right, Vic, let's do this.
One micro-trim, please.
Oh! Vic, I love it.
You know, I was just saying the other day that I wish wish I could see more scalp, and now I can.
Okay.
♪ (BUZZING) (FRANTIC CHATTER) Vic, go that way! Go that way! Ma'am, no, we can fix it! We can fix it! W-W-Wait, wait, wait.
Little man, I-I can fix it.
Looks like little man is moving on up.
I pray that little boy is homeschooled.
All right, you know what? Don't worry.
Hair, it always grows back.
You better hope so.
♪ Okay, Gemma, check me out.
(GEMMA GASPS) They are never gonna forget you're alive after tonight.
Aw.
Thank you.
You know what, I'm really enjoying reconnecting with my girls.
You know, I even rearranged the song, I redid our choreography, and I rehearsed them to perfection.
(CHUCKLES): Aw.
Great.
But Nicki better not go all "Private Dancer" on Dave again, or I might have to give her a Hickory Corners "how do you do?" Okay.
(CHUCKLES) Well, you know, Nicki can be a lot, but don't worry, she's harmless.
Unlike these boots.
Damn it.
Malcolm should've delivered that cupcake order an hour ago.
You know, I'm just gonna see if he's home.
I got to go, too.
Oh, shouldn't you get out of your costume first? Girl, I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx.
I'm in this costume till you cut me out of it.
(CHUCKLES) ♪ (SMOOTH R&B MUSIC PLAYING) (KNOCKING) Malcolm? (SIGHS, MUTTERS) Clothes all over the place.
Music blasting.
I raised these boys better than this.
Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I guess somebody must be busy.
(LAUGHTER) I know that laugh.
(LAUGHING) Nicki? - Tina? - Mama? Mama?! Oh, hell no! ♪ - Mama! - Tina, listen.
- I had no idea.
- Look, Ma, it's true, okay? We met the other night at Ernie's, and one thing led to another.
But I swear I didn't recognize her from your old photos.
Well, obviously she looks much older now.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
Tina, this was just an innocent hookup between two consenting adults.
Malcolm is not just any adult.
He's my baby.
So whatever this is, it's over.
- Uh, wait a minute, Ma.
- Wait, you can't tell us what to do.
- Right.
- If we want to keep seeing each other, we will.
Hell, if we want to run off and get married, we will.
(CHUCKLING): Uh, who is "we"? TINA: You know what, Nicki? You're right.
We're all adults.
We can do whatever we want.
Like, if I want to cancel our show tonight, I can! You can't cancel our show.
Just because your bossy ass used to tell us what to do doesn't mean you still can.
Where do you get off calling me bossy? That's the reason we broke up, Tina.
You were a control freak then, and you're a control freak now.
Ah, oh, well, you're just a freak.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES) Well, this freak is performing tonight with or without you.
- (DOOR CLOSES) - She dipped on me.
What were you thinking? I don't know, Ma.
But, uh, whatever it was, just trust me, I will not be thinking it again.
♪ (OVER RADIO): It's too late now ♪ It's too late now ♪ I'm still stuck behind my fears ♪ Knowing it's too late ♪ - (YELLS WILDLY) - (YELPS) Whoa, man.
You never sneak up on a former crackhead.
(MUSIC STOPS) We were just coming to check in on you.
How you doing, Vic? The haircut was that bad, huh? No.
Come on.
Can a haircut ever really be bad? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yours.
Well, it's okay, it's okay.
I know I messed up.
Hell, I made a little boy look like George Jefferson.
Obviously, this ain't gonna work out.
Whoa, hold on, Vic.
That's not true.
Look.
Everyone needs a practice swing.
(SIGHS) Or three.
Look, but we are not gonna let you quit.
You have come too far.
Yeah, man, you cannot be a quitter.
Uh, uh, with-with this, specifically.
Uh, it's totally okay to to quit crack.
I just feel like everybody's just watching and waiting for me to mess up.
Well, you just need to find a way to block that out.
You know, find a way to get into your own world.
You know what, Vic? Just give it one more day.
I've got a plan.
Okay, but you're not gonna make us do any more trust falls again, are you? 'Cause we did enough of that at the VA.
No, that is not the plan.
God, you know, you drop a guy one time, and suddenly everyone hates trust falls.
♪ Can't believe Nicki would betray me like that! Hell, I may be taking my life into my own hands here, but, uh technically, she didn't know she betrayed you.
She didn't know who Malcolm was.
But when she found out, she said that she was gonna keep on dating him if she wanted to! But, babe, I'm sure she said that because she was mad.
I mean, you used to love Nicki for being a feisty free spirit.
Well, that was before she free-spirited all over our son.
You know, I was so excited about getting back together, and she just ruined it.
Tina You know, she had the nerve to call me a control freak.
Said that we broke up because I have opinions.
(CHUCKLING): Well I mean, well, baby, you know, back in the day, you were one to definitely (MUTTERS QUIETLY) Are you taking her side? 'Cause it sounds to me like you're taking her side.
Of course not.
Why would I be taking her side when, clearly, you're the one who's right here? Hey, y'all.
Mama, can we talk? Well, you know what? I'm gonna let y'all have at it, all right? But, uh, safety first.
Mama, I'm sorry we upset you.
But even though you're mad at Nicki you're mad at us you should still do the show tonight.
(SCOFFS) Now, why would I do that? Uh, because it might be the last time you get to perform with Femme Nasty.
- (SIGHS) - You can't miss that.
And I was so looking forward to hitting that stage again.
Exactly.
And you always said you loved performing with Janice and Nicki.
Not everybody gets a chance to relive their dreams.
So what you're saying is I shouldn't let Nicki's cradle-robbing ass steal all the glory.
Th-That's that-that is not what I said.
Th-That's that th-that's what I heard.
♪ (BOTH VOCALIZING) Whew.
Still pitchy.
Good to know nothing's changed.
You're right.
I can't hit that self-righteous note you do so perfectly.
C-Can I can I just say one thing? Yeah, but I don't know why you're screaming, though.
- Ever since we got started - Ladies, you're on in two.
It is time for me to greet my adoring fans.
You mean the ones who came to see me? - Can't we just get along? - Janice, please! Look, for somebody so quiet, you sure do talk a lot.
(FRUSTRATED GROAN) ♪ - Sha-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Shoop, shoop, shoop ♪ - Ooh-ooh ♪ - Shoop, shoop ♪ Oh, my gosh, don't they look great? You better not answer that.
You think you're slick ♪ You think you're so, so smart ♪ You think you've got your little tricks ♪ Down to a fine art ♪ But, baby, baby, have I got news for you ♪ All your silly games, I can see right through ♪ You think you're slick, I know your game ♪ You and me, baby, we're one and the same ♪ You know I'm a wild one and I just can't be tamed ♪ Wow, it it's like she's singing just to me.
You better hope not, buddy, or we're going home.
Don't tell Mom, but between you and me, I totally get it.
Brother, you don't even know.
Come on.
(CHUCKLES) It's like she's singing just to me.
Uh, look away, little man.
You don't want the drama that comes with that.
You think you're slick and you think you're cool ♪ Baby, come here, I'm gonna take you to school ♪ I'm gonna show you what a woman can do.
♪ (VOCALIZING) GEMMA: Ooh.
(CONTINUES DRAMATIC VOCALIZING) - (SONG ENDS) - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Oh! - It is always the quiet ones.
♪ Thank you! Thank you! (LAUGHTER, EXCITED CHATTER) Oh, my God.
Femme Nasty is still nasty.
Oh, God, I hate to admit it, but you were amazing.
And I hate to admit it more, but so were you.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) Oh, it felt good out there.
Yeah, it did.
I promise I'll come back.
- (WHOOPS) - Janice! I mean, come on, who knew you had it in you? Well, that's because y'all two never shut up and let me get a note in.
Now, y'all need to grow up and work this thing out.
I'm gonna go talk to my fans, okay? - Okay.
Okay.
- Oh, I'm back! Hey! (SIGHS) Whew.
Tina I am truly sorry about all of this.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, too.
Partly my fault for making such a good-looking son.
- You sure did.
- Hey.
Careful there.
You know, Nicki, you were right.
You know, I was bossy when we were coming up, and I'd just hate to think that that was the reason we broke up.
Tina, there were a lot of reasons.
Yeah, didn't you sleep with our manager? Like I said, there were a lot of reasons.
But we are all exactly where we should be.
Could you imagine us being on tour right now? Ooh, girl, no.
I go to sleep at 10:15.
Well, hopefully, we don't have to be in a group to be friends again.
Nicki, we never stopped being friends.
Give me some.
- Girl, girl, give me some.
- (LAUGHING) Now that we have that behind us, - what's up with Marty? - Girl, I will stab you.
(LAUGHING) You better stop playing.
Do you like it? Hell no, I don't like it.
Man, I love it.
- Okay.
- Yes! Man, I look like the old Steve Harvey.
(LAUGHTER) Aw, man, yo, I do not get it.
How did Vic make Pop look like a GQ model and Dave look like an unsupervised toddler? Man, you've got to love Prince.
I'm cutting hair like it's 1999.
Thanks, Dave.
You were right.
These things really do work.
It was like I was in my own world.
Yeah, man.
You know, down at the VA, whenever you needed space, you listened to music, so I thought those might help.
Yeah, it was great.
No kids were harmed today.
Kids were harmed another day? Uh I don't think you want to ask that question.
You know what? Y'all really believed in me when I didn't.
Dave, to thank you, I'm gonna fix that busted-up cut I gave you.
What busted-up cut? - Uh, Daddy, no, Dad-Daddy, no - No, no, no.
- No, Daddy, don't! - (STAMMERING) (GASPS) Victor carved Dave up like a jack-o'-lantern, and y'all let me sit in his chair? All three of y'all are out of my will.
Daddy, come on, man! I didn't know he was gonna do that.
I was in the will? Calvin! What was I gonna get?