Glee s04e22 Episode Script
All or Nothing
Thanks for waiting, Miss Pierce.
Please, just call me Brittany.
Brittany, this is Dr.
Leonard Hauptman.
I am Dr.
Donald Langdon, the dean of the mathematics department here at MIT.
Brittany, when MIT heard about your near-perfect SAT score, we were a little skeptical.
A 0.
2 grade point is practically unheard of.
That means you've never gotten higher than a D-minus.
Is that why I had to take that math test this morning? We needed to see for ourselves if you were MIT material.
And how did I do? You scored a zero.
Brittany, you lack a basic understanding of even the simplest arithmetic, and I don't know why you couldn't have used a number-two pencil, like we asked.
Filling out the ovals in crayon broke our Scantron machine.
I'm sorry.
However, we would like to ask you about these numbers that you scribbled on the back of your test.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't know any of the answers on the test, so I had all these numbers swirling around in my head, so I just decided to write them all down so my brain would stop feeling so tickly.
Jill.
Brittany, this is no ordinary series of numbers.
When you start in the upper left-hand corner and read it from left to right, it's a prime number.
Okay.
Normally you'd need a supercomputer to find a prime number that large.
Totes.
But when you start from the upper right and read it from right to left, you get Avogadro's constant.
Sweet.
But that's not even the most amazing part.
When you start in the lower left-hand corner and read the number counterclockwise, you get Planck's constant, which is the fundamental unit of measurement in quantum mechanics.
We-we don't even know what it means.
We believe that what we are now calling the Brittany Code The Brittany Code.
will go down in history as the most important scientific breakthrough of the 21st century.
Oh, my God.
That is totally a-amazing.
I thought you were gonna tell me that I was an idiot, and that's bullying, and I won't tolerate that.
Brittany, it's possible that you may be the most brilliant scientific mind since Albert Einstein.
No way.
And that is why we here at MIT would like to present to you a very unusual proposition.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** All right, guys.
It's finally here.
Regionals.
Yeah! That's right! I just found out, because of safety concerns related to late-season tornados, Indianapolis has declined to host the competition.
So! As defending champions, we're having regionals here, in our auditorium.
Did you hear that? Yes! Home court advantage, yo! Now, because of a sexting scandal at Our Lady of Perpetual Loneliness, their glee club, the Nun-touchables, has been excommunicated by the new pope.
They've been replaced by the world-famous boys of Ziegler Prep, the Waffle-toots.
Like cake farts? They're very good.
The Hoosierdaddies are still the odds-on favorite.
I mean, their lead vocalist, Frida Romero, is a tiny juggernaut of talent.
We are in for the fight of our lives.
So let's get real.
There comes a moment in every performer's life that defines him or her, sometimes for the rest of their career.
This is our moment.
We've struggled, we've endured, and now we must triumph.
And speaking of that, I want us all to just take a moment to send some positive energy to one of our very own.
She has her final callback for Funny Girl today.
Rachel Berry.
We're ready for you.
So, let's all give a big round of applause to Rachel, wherever she is.
Hi, I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be auditioning for the role of Fanny Brice today, and I'll be singing.
"To Love You More" by Celine Dion.
Take me Back into the arms I love Need me Like you did before Touch me once again And remember when There was no one that you Wanted more I'll be waiting for you Here inside my heart I'm the one who wants to love you more You will see I can give you Everything you need Let me be the one to love you more Some way All the love that we had Can be saved Whatever it takes We'll find a way Believe me I will make you see All the things that your heart Needs to know I'll be waiting Here inside my heart I'm the one who wants to love you more Oh oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, ah-ha Oh, whoa, oh Oh Thank you, Rachel.
We'll let you know.
You can only do this once, so it-it has to be perfect.
It has to be, you know, special.
Are you actually talking about a marriage proposal? Dude, we're in high school.
You're not ready to get married, and I'm not letting you.
Well, I'm not asking for your permission.
I'm already gonna do it.
What I'm asking for is your help about how to do this.
From my best friend.
Okay.
Then, as your best friend, I need to remind you that just a few weeks ago, you were totally confused.
You didn't even know where Kurt stood with this Adam guy.
Well, I don't remember you being this introspective when you were asking Brittany to marry you.
One, I don't even know what that means, and two, we thought the world was ending.
And when we realized it wasn't I regretted it.
Will you listen to yourself? You sound exactly like the rest of the world, saying that "it's not time yet.
" Well, you know what? People like me have been hearing that for hundreds and hundreds of years.
This is happening.
I am gonna ask Kurt to marry me.
And not only are you one of my best friends, but I was kind of hoping that you would be my best man.
So let me know if you, uh, change your mind.
You know what? Someone has to do the right thing here.
Marley, stop Jake six, seven, eight, nine Uh, are, are Joe and Sugar here? Present, Mr.
Shue.
Come on.
Sugar! Great.
Okay.
Guys, I have finalized our set list.
We are going with "I Love It" by Icona Pop I love it! Yes.
"Hall of Fame" by The Script and will.
I.
am.
And Marley's original song "All or Nothing.
" Hey, Mr.
Shue, what about my original song? Do you remember? My cup, my cup Sayin' "What's up?" To my cup, my cup More of a friend "My Cup" is one of a kind, but we're going with Marley's song.
Oh, come on, boo.
Two thumbs down.
The only way to polish that turd of a song is with my angelic alto voice.
Whoa.
So I demand to sing it as a solo.
And I demand to sing all the good songs as solos.
Everyone can snap their fingers and march around behind me.
Tina, please make an exact replica of Jennifer Lawrence's Oscar dress.
Um, no.
Um yes.
Let me break it down.
No one in this musty choir room compares to my megawatt star power.
Blaine, you're shorter than your average lawn gnome.
Joe, you look like a Yucatán spider monkey.
Tina is you know, she's Tina.
Wait, baby.
Baby, I love you, but you're really out of line, here.
And would you stop texting? I'm trying to talk to you, it's really rude.
Did you seriously just break up with me? By a text? Yeah.
As fascinated as I am by your down-filled, pillow-soft lips that are ten times too big for your face, I really miss my sweet, sweet lady kisses.
Sorry/not sorry.
Moving on, I repeat: I require all the solos.
That's just the way it's gonna be.
Brittany, why are you doing this? Well, I'm just living your lesson, Mr.
Shue.
It's all or nothing.
All or nothing! Come in! I said, come in.
What the hell are you doing? I'm nailing my 95 theses to the door.
Your 95 what? They're 95 reasons why I'm quitting the Cheerios! "Number one.
It is true that members of the Cheerios! "received illegal salaries and kickbacks.
"Last year alone, I earned $5,000.
Number two" I can read them myself without you reading them to me like I'm some idiot.
"Number three.
" Last year Sue Sylvester locked seven Cheerios! In a "dog crate in order to potty-train them.
" What are you doing? I soaked my uniform in lighter fluid overnight, and will now solemnize my departure from the Cheerios! By lighting it on fire.
Lord Jesus! This fool done tried to set my hair on fire! Okay, guys, listen up.
Uh, first up, we're gonna tackle Icona Pop.
It's got a unique beat, but not entire different from All right, look.
I'm-I'm sorry.
Excuse me, Mr.
Shue, but I've got to say something.
Okay.
Look, so I hate to pull a Brittany here, but the bottom line is, I'm not performing in regionals until Catfish reveals themselves.
This whole situation is out of hand and needs to end.
Hey, look, I'm serious, okay? I can't take it anymore, it-it's tearing me apart.
And someone in this room is playing games with me, and I want to know who! Somebody, just say who it is.
I don't think it's any of us.
Pull out your phones! Everybody pull out your phones right now! Ryder, relax, man.
Dude.
I know this is upsetting, but Well, now nobody is going to admit it for fear of being murdered.
I've told this person everything, and I want to know who it is.
I know you're upset I want to know No, you don't know.
You don't know, okay? Who is it? It's not me.
All right, fine.
If nobody's gonna say anything, pull out your phones.
And I want to see all of your phones.
Are you serious? All of your phones.
Pull out your texts.
I'm serious! Texts! Whoever it is, just say it.
Who is it? It's me.
I'm Catfish.
What? What do you? No, I-I-I asked you.
You swore to me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
Look, just take it easy, Ryder, okay? This was just a little joke.
Things got out of hand.
What, you're-you're defending her? Huh? Are you kidding me? What's wrong with you people? Ryder Marley, that's messed up.
Well, if you were asking me to marry you, I'd want that big one.
My fingers are on the larger side, and you have to figure, with my build, after we have a few babies, I may put on a couple of pounds.
Tina, I'm looking for a ring for Kurt.
He is so lucky.
Those are engagement rings.
That's good because I'm looking to get engaged.
I am constantly telling my nieces and nephews to wear condoms.
It's for my boyfriend.
I'm not pregnant.
He used to be my boyfriend.
It was the whole thing, it's very complicated.
I won't get into it.
But basically, I love him very much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so I'm going to ask him to marry me.
Tell me about your man.
Really? Is he your soul mate? Yes, he is.
I met Liz when we were 18.
It was at a Styx concert back when they were doing hard rock, not this weird robot stuff.
We've been together ever since.
Doesn't matter how young or old you are.
True love is true love.
My friends have been giving me so much flak.
If we all had listened, we wouldn't be moments away from the Supreme Court finally telling us that we are just as crazy and awesome as everybody else.
Hey, dude.
Don't try to stop me.
I'm doing this, okay? I love you and I want to support you, so if you're really gonna do this, I'm helping you pick out the ring.
I have, like, the best taste.
Is this him? No.
Oh, no.
No.
I mean, he wants to do me, but we're just friends.
Sam.
Jan.
Would you excuse us for just a moment? Yeah, sure.
I don't.
You do want to do me.
Forgive me for being pushy, but do you have anyone to advise you on this? Someone who would really understand? Someone gay? Yeah.
Not really.
I just want you guys to see what's possible when two people really love each other.
Sound good? Brittany, have a seat.
We need to chat.
I thought you were teaching aerobics to fat soccer moms.
Oh, I just stopped by the teachers' lounge to retrieve my baby's placenta in the fridge.
Brittany, Sue and I are very worried about you.
And we need to know what's going on.
I refuse to speak to either of you in this office.
It's dusty and drab and Mr.
Shue's "Teacher of The Year" picture really creeps me out.
So there's only one place that I'll talk: My turf, my rules, my Fondue.
Fondue for two! Hey! Fondue for two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for two! Welcome back to Fondue for Two.
Tonight's guests are two sworn enemies who became friends, then became enemies again, then became friends again, then enemies, and then everybody stopped caring.
Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester.
It's great to be here.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness, this fondue smells disgusting.
It's like somebody poured chardonnay on a homeless woman who'd been dead several days.
Yeah, fantastic.
So, Mr.
Shue, is it true that you and Emma are finally getting married? Yeah, it looks like it.
Awesome.
Do you plan on having children, or just continue to have weirdly intimate relationships with high school students instead of children? No, we'd like to have kids.
Speaking of kids, Sue Sylvester, what if I were to tell you that I know the true identity of your baby's celebrity father? I would say that's highly unlikely.
What if I were to tell you that I know for a fact that it's Michael Bolton? I would say that you have no proof.
Well, Michael Bolton played in a concert in Columbus, Ohio nine months to the day before your daughter was born.
Also, Robin's birth certificate says she was born in.
"Ol' Milton Beach," which is an anagram for "Michael Bolton.
" Also, Michael Bolton has a new album out, and track number one is called "So Proud to Be Your Father, Robin Sylvester.
" Michael Bolton and I met in 1994 in Los Angeles when I punctured his windpipe with a letter opener at Kate Mantilini's where he was having lunch and I just happened to be doing my taxes.
He choked after inhaling in a chunk of his own hair, and I saved his life.
He's owed me a favor ever since.
And just in case you're wondering, Michael Bolton is a fantastic lover.
Wow.
We did it all night, Will.
We did it every which way.
Cool.
Pick up.
I'm sorry, did, uh, hell just freeze over or did you just White Chocolate butt-dial me? Hey, look, I need to talk to you.
Sorry, no can do, Trouts, I just got back from a dance class and I'm already five minutes late for drinks with this insanely hot off-Broadway choreographer.
It's about Brittany.
Obviously.
Okay, she broke up with me.
Inevitably.
Okay, look, she's been acting really weird since she met with those people at MIT, okay? She even dropped out of regionals.
Okay, and are we sure it's not just Britney 3.
0 Week in Glee Club? Look, okay, I know I'm not your favorite person, but you also know that I'd help you if you ever asked me to.
Something, something's wrong.
I'm asking you for help.
It was love at first sticks, that's what we always say.
Well, the irony was that we met at the concert, you know.
We grew up in the same town just a few blocks from each other.
Wow.
We went to the same high school.
You guys are like a Nora Ephron movie.
Exactly.
Did you go to prom together? No.
Yeah, well Well, we went together as a group.
We took boys, of course.
Merle and Tommy, those poor fools.
Merle and Tom.
They had no idea what was going on.
It was different times then, you know.
There were, there were no gay clubs at school.
You know, nobody talked about it.
We had no representation.
But somehow we always found a way.
That summer we went on a bus tour of the United States.
We saw all the sights.
And in the end we decided we liked Ohio the best.
Yeah, yeah, came back, moved in together, got each other through college, and we broke up twice, and got back together again twice.
And then we bought the house in Lima.
What haven't we seen from our porch? Nothing.
Hmm.
AIDS.
Yeah.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Ellen.
We've seen it all side-by-side.
Remember when we couldn't even do this in public, hold hands? Oh, yeah.
You guys are so sweet.
But you know, when I asked you "How did you guys meet?" I actually meant, "How did you meet Blaine?" Oh! At the mall.
I was clothes shopping with Tina and we were at the food court at Sbarro, and Jan and I just got to talking.
And I said, "Why don't we continue this over dinner at Breadstix?" We've been coming here 20 years.
Thirty.
We camped out for the grand opening.
Yes, we did.
Well, I'm glad you recommended it, Jan.
I mean, it's great and really inspiring to hear your story.
You know, I know I don't, and we don't really have too many gay and lesbian role models to look up to, so You guys are a sweet couple.
Thank you.
Oh, we're not a couple.
Would you have married me if I had asked you? I mean, if we were allowed to? I always said yeah, as soon as it's legal in Ohio.
It will be.
Yeah.
Eventually.
But in the meantime, there are still plenty of places where it's legal.
And so, Elizabeth Margaret Stevens will you legally marry me? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, oh! Oh, honey, yes.
Hey, can we talk? Why don't you just text me? I know it was wrong and I know you're hurt, but you're taking it out on everyone, and that's not fair.
We need you for regionals! You don't need me, all right? Jake's a better dancer, Artie's a better singer, and Sam's better looking.
Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself.
We're not competing with each other, we're a team and Why? Why what? I need to know why.
Okay, you say we're a team, but you've been lying to me and messing with my head, and I need some kind of explanation if I'm gonna go to regionals.
Because.
because I know I'm not your vision of beauty.
Wait.
It-It was? Yes, I'm Unique aka Wade, aka Katie, aka Catfish.
Marley, I love you, but you don't have to cover for me anymore.
It started off innocent at first, and then he started telling me things, and it got way too deep to stop.
And you don't know how long it's been since I felt this close to someone without all of this getting in the way.
I know you're probably gonna punch me in the face, but the truth is, I reached out to you because I liked you.
So I got a picture of a cute blonde to make you like me back.
But all the stories, all the jokes, the connection that we had, that was all me.
And that was all real.
I'm sorry I stayed hidden.
I didn't do it to hurt you.
I just I really don't want to lose what we have.
We don't have anything.
I'm not gonna punch you in the face.
But I'm also not gonna talk to you ever again.
Fresh fondue for two! Hello again, and welcome to yet another very special episode of Fondue for Two.
I am joined by my former lady lover, Santana Lopez.
Let's get started.
Thank you again for taking the Lima Express all the way from New York City, again, to be here.
Well, actually, Britt, I came here to talk to you, not do a show, but Well, it's the same thing, so true or false? Lady Hummel and Grandma Berry both play bingo down at the V.
A.
and knit alpaca mittens on Saturday nights.
No, no, totally false.
I wish they were that exciting.
Aw, shoot.
But seriously, Britt, enough is enough.
I'm turning this off.
What are you doing? Lord Tubbington's a stickler for continuity in editorial.
Brittany, stop it.
Seriously, what the hell is going on with you? You're acting like a completely different person, and it's making me sad.
Well, get over it sadness is stupid.
Britt, I still care about you.
As a person and as a friend, and this just isn't you.
What I'm about to tell you is going to change everything, Santana.
Oh, I made it.
Hi.
Sorry I'm so nervous.
I had to ran and got us some gummy bears to calm my stomach.
No wonder you're nervous you're wearing white.
That's not exactly your lucky color.
I think you'll find our luck's about to change, Santana.
I'm gonna go check on the kids.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the 2013.
Greater Midwest High School Show Choir Regionals.
Now, please raise the roof for our distinguished panel of judges.
Executive Director of Ohio State Supermax Penitentiary.
Warden William Bobby! Wrongfully accused football legend.
Coach "Fingers" Shafranski.
And Indiana's number one circus contortionist.
Lady Marvelous! First up, their parents are rich and their voices are golden From Ziegler Prep in Cincinnati, it's The Waffle-Toots! Why are there so many Songs about rainbows And what's on the other Side? Rainbows Are visions but only Illusions And rainbows Have nothing To hide Someday we'll find it Marley was right.
Ryder, thank God.
I'm really only upset with one person.
It wouldn't be fair to punish the whole team.
Thank you.
All right.
But, uh I have done a lot of thinking.
And after regionals is over, I'm officially leaving Glee Club.
From North Valley Central High School in Indianapolis I'm sorry, Mr.
Shue.
the crossroads of America, it's the Hoosierdaddies! I dive into frozen waves Where the past comes back to life Fight fear for the selfish pain It was worth it every time Hold still right before we crash 'Cause we both know how this ends A clock ticks till it breaks your glass And I drown in you again 'Cause you are a piece of me I wish I didn't need Chasing relentlessly Still fight and I don't know why If our love Is tragedy Why are you My remedy? If our love's Insanity, why are you My clarity? Hey Hey Why are you my clarity? Hey Why are you my remedy? Hey Whoa-oh-oh-oh Hey, hey! Mama told me not To waste my life She said, "Spread your wings, my little butterfly" "Don't let what they say keep you up" "At night, and if they give you hell" "Then they can walk on by" My feet, feet can't touch the ground And I can't hear a sound But you just keep on running up your mouth, yeah Walk, walk on over there 'Cause I'm too fly to care Oh, yeah Your words don't mean a thing I'm not listening Keep talking, all I know is Mama told me not to waste my life She said, "Spread your wings" "My little butterfly" "Don't let what they say keep you up at night" "And they can't detain you 'cause wings are made" "To fly" No, we won't let Nobody bring us down No matter what you say, it won't hurt me Don't matter if I fall from the sky These wings are made to fly.
Hi.
You came Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Show circle.
Come on in.
New Directions!, um, before we go onstage, I have something I want to tell you guys.
I got offered early admission to MIT.
I never thought that I would graduate high school, let alone go to college, so I have to jump on this offer before it gets taken away.
They want me to leave immediately.
That's why I had that meltdown.
Um my entire life, people have always told me that I was stupid.
And after a while I started to believe them.
And it wasn't until I walked in this room and I joined this club that I really started believing in myself.
And as soon as I did that, as soon as I started believing that maybe I was smart after all, I think the whole world did, too.
And I'm really gonna miss you guys.
'Cause you guys are like my family.
Mr.
Shue's like our dad.
And Mercedes and Tina and Sugar and Mercedes, you guys are all like my sisters.
And Mike Chang and Blaine and Jim, you guys are all like my brothers.
My name's Joe.
And, Artie, you're like the boy next door who builds robots in his basement and who I take his virginity, and Jake and Marley and Ryder and Kitty, you guys are all like the foster kids who come to live with us when the orphanage closes and that we don't trust at first but we grow to love just like we do our pets.
And then there's Sam.
The cute boy from the wrong side of the tracks who does good impressions and who I fake marry.
I love you so much, Sam.
I love you, too, Brittany.
I'm really gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you.
No cries.
And there's Santana.
Oh, man.
You don't have to say anything, Brittany.
Okay.
No more.
Show circle.
Amazing! Ooh Yeah, you could be the greatest You could be the best, you could be The King Kong banging on your chest You can beat the world, you can beat the war, you can Talk to God, go banging on his door You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock Yeah You can move a mountain, you can break rocks You can be a master, don't wait for luck Dedicate yourself and you gonna find yourself Standing in the hall of fame Yeah Oh And the world's gonna know your name Yeah Oh 'Cause you burn with the brightest flame Yeah Oh And the world's gonna know your name Yeah Oh And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame Be a champion Be a champion Be a champion Be a champion And you'll be on the walls Of the hall of fame Be students, be teachers Be politicians, be preachers Yeah, yeah Yeah, come on Be believers, be leaders Be astronauts, be champions Be truth seekers Be students, be teachers Be politicians, be preachers Be preachers Be believers, be leaders Be astronauts, be champions Hall of fame You can be the greatest You can be the best You can be the King Kong banging on your chest You can beat the world, you can beat the war You can talk to God, go banging on his door You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock You can move a mountain, you can break rocks You could be a master, don't wait for luck Dedicate yourself and you will find yourself Standing in the hall of fame.
I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I love it I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I love it I love it, I don't care I love it I don't care I love it! I can't stay here I am not the girl Who runs and hides Afraid of what could be And I will go there I need time but know That things are always closer than they seem Now I'll do more Than dream Yeah I'm gonna fly Gonna crash right through the sky Gonna touch the stars Touch the stars Show everyone Show everyone That it's all or nothing All or nothing This is my life I'm not gonna live it twice There's no in-between No in-between Take it to extremes To extremes 'Cause it's all or nothing All or nothing at all Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Yeah Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 'Cause it's all or nothing at all Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh All or nothing.
One last reminder, please don't leave your trash under the seats because nobody likes a litterbug.
Third place in the 2013 Greater Midwest.
Show Choir Regionals goes to the Waffle-Toots! Now the moment we've all been waiting for.
In second place from Indianapolis, Indiana, the Hoosierdaddies, and first place goes to McKinley High New Directions! McKinley High is officially on its way to becoming a regionals dynasty! Only 24 more of these babies before we catch up to Vocal Adrenaline.
Oh, please.
Vocal Adrenaline's time has passed.
The present and the future is all about the New Directions! And we are going to prove it when we go to sunny Los Angeles for nationals and take home our second national championship in a row! That's right.
That's right.
Miss Pillsbury, who's your friend? Um, Miss Pillsbury, you're supposed to bring someone in to bless the team before the big game.
Okay.
Thank you.
Um, I figured out that I can't handle the pressure of a big wedding, so I told Will, if we're gonna get married, that I wanted an intimate ceremony in a special place surrounded by the people that we love.
Are you guys seriously throwing a surprise wedding? Just like Brooke Burke and David Charvet? Yes.
No music, no reception, no planning.
Just me, the one true love of my life, and then we'll have a little dinner at Breadstix.
- You're still here.
- I'm here.
Do you guys have vows prepared? I knew I forgot something No.
Um Well, hold on.
You always get to make the romantic speeches, so, um, why don't you let me do it this time? I'd love that.
Yeah? Okay.
There was this one day, um, right around the time that we first met.
Um, out in the courtyard.
And I had gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and you scraped it off with a credit card.
And whenever things in my head get all gooey and sticky and messy and I can't get 'em out, you always come along and you make me feel clean and you make me feel whole again.
Will, just as I know that the sky is blue, I know that you and I are meant to be together.
You are my hero, you are my one true love, you are my inspiration.
I love you, Will Schuester.
I can't believe this is happening.
I-I remember that day with the gum.
And the day you chaperoned the field trip to Carmel High.
And the red coat you wore when you took the team to their first sectionals.
I love that coat.
I got it on sale.
I remember and notice everything about you.
You only get one true love of your life.
And you are mine, Emma.
And I promise you that as long as you just keep being you and-and let me love you, I will be the happiest man alive.
And can we just skip to the "I do" part because I can't I can't spend one more minute without being this woman's husband.
Works for me.
I have a reservation at Breadstix, too.
We'll see you there.
Emma, do you take Will to be your husband, to love and honor, forsaking all others from this day forward? I do.
I do.
I do.
I do.
Will? Oh, I definitely do.
By the power vested in me and all the rest, Will, Emma Wemma I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Oh!
Please, just call me Brittany.
Brittany, this is Dr.
Leonard Hauptman.
I am Dr.
Donald Langdon, the dean of the mathematics department here at MIT.
Brittany, when MIT heard about your near-perfect SAT score, we were a little skeptical.
A 0.
2 grade point is practically unheard of.
That means you've never gotten higher than a D-minus.
Is that why I had to take that math test this morning? We needed to see for ourselves if you were MIT material.
And how did I do? You scored a zero.
Brittany, you lack a basic understanding of even the simplest arithmetic, and I don't know why you couldn't have used a number-two pencil, like we asked.
Filling out the ovals in crayon broke our Scantron machine.
I'm sorry.
However, we would like to ask you about these numbers that you scribbled on the back of your test.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't know any of the answers on the test, so I had all these numbers swirling around in my head, so I just decided to write them all down so my brain would stop feeling so tickly.
Jill.
Brittany, this is no ordinary series of numbers.
When you start in the upper left-hand corner and read it from left to right, it's a prime number.
Okay.
Normally you'd need a supercomputer to find a prime number that large.
Totes.
But when you start from the upper right and read it from right to left, you get Avogadro's constant.
Sweet.
But that's not even the most amazing part.
When you start in the lower left-hand corner and read the number counterclockwise, you get Planck's constant, which is the fundamental unit of measurement in quantum mechanics.
We-we don't even know what it means.
We believe that what we are now calling the Brittany Code The Brittany Code.
will go down in history as the most important scientific breakthrough of the 21st century.
Oh, my God.
That is totally a-amazing.
I thought you were gonna tell me that I was an idiot, and that's bullying, and I won't tolerate that.
Brittany, it's possible that you may be the most brilliant scientific mind since Albert Einstein.
No way.
And that is why we here at MIT would like to present to you a very unusual proposition.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** All right, guys.
It's finally here.
Regionals.
Yeah! That's right! I just found out, because of safety concerns related to late-season tornados, Indianapolis has declined to host the competition.
So! As defending champions, we're having regionals here, in our auditorium.
Did you hear that? Yes! Home court advantage, yo! Now, because of a sexting scandal at Our Lady of Perpetual Loneliness, their glee club, the Nun-touchables, has been excommunicated by the new pope.
They've been replaced by the world-famous boys of Ziegler Prep, the Waffle-toots.
Like cake farts? They're very good.
The Hoosierdaddies are still the odds-on favorite.
I mean, their lead vocalist, Frida Romero, is a tiny juggernaut of talent.
We are in for the fight of our lives.
So let's get real.
There comes a moment in every performer's life that defines him or her, sometimes for the rest of their career.
This is our moment.
We've struggled, we've endured, and now we must triumph.
And speaking of that, I want us all to just take a moment to send some positive energy to one of our very own.
She has her final callback for Funny Girl today.
Rachel Berry.
We're ready for you.
So, let's all give a big round of applause to Rachel, wherever she is.
Hi, I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be auditioning for the role of Fanny Brice today, and I'll be singing.
"To Love You More" by Celine Dion.
Take me Back into the arms I love Need me Like you did before Touch me once again And remember when There was no one that you Wanted more I'll be waiting for you Here inside my heart I'm the one who wants to love you more You will see I can give you Everything you need Let me be the one to love you more Some way All the love that we had Can be saved Whatever it takes We'll find a way Believe me I will make you see All the things that your heart Needs to know I'll be waiting Here inside my heart I'm the one who wants to love you more Oh oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, ah-ha Oh, whoa, oh Oh Thank you, Rachel.
We'll let you know.
You can only do this once, so it-it has to be perfect.
It has to be, you know, special.
Are you actually talking about a marriage proposal? Dude, we're in high school.
You're not ready to get married, and I'm not letting you.
Well, I'm not asking for your permission.
I'm already gonna do it.
What I'm asking for is your help about how to do this.
From my best friend.
Okay.
Then, as your best friend, I need to remind you that just a few weeks ago, you were totally confused.
You didn't even know where Kurt stood with this Adam guy.
Well, I don't remember you being this introspective when you were asking Brittany to marry you.
One, I don't even know what that means, and two, we thought the world was ending.
And when we realized it wasn't I regretted it.
Will you listen to yourself? You sound exactly like the rest of the world, saying that "it's not time yet.
" Well, you know what? People like me have been hearing that for hundreds and hundreds of years.
This is happening.
I am gonna ask Kurt to marry me.
And not only are you one of my best friends, but I was kind of hoping that you would be my best man.
So let me know if you, uh, change your mind.
You know what? Someone has to do the right thing here.
Marley, stop Jake six, seven, eight, nine Uh, are, are Joe and Sugar here? Present, Mr.
Shue.
Come on.
Sugar! Great.
Okay.
Guys, I have finalized our set list.
We are going with "I Love It" by Icona Pop I love it! Yes.
"Hall of Fame" by The Script and will.
I.
am.
And Marley's original song "All or Nothing.
" Hey, Mr.
Shue, what about my original song? Do you remember? My cup, my cup Sayin' "What's up?" To my cup, my cup More of a friend "My Cup" is one of a kind, but we're going with Marley's song.
Oh, come on, boo.
Two thumbs down.
The only way to polish that turd of a song is with my angelic alto voice.
Whoa.
So I demand to sing it as a solo.
And I demand to sing all the good songs as solos.
Everyone can snap their fingers and march around behind me.
Tina, please make an exact replica of Jennifer Lawrence's Oscar dress.
Um, no.
Um yes.
Let me break it down.
No one in this musty choir room compares to my megawatt star power.
Blaine, you're shorter than your average lawn gnome.
Joe, you look like a Yucatán spider monkey.
Tina is you know, she's Tina.
Wait, baby.
Baby, I love you, but you're really out of line, here.
And would you stop texting? I'm trying to talk to you, it's really rude.
Did you seriously just break up with me? By a text? Yeah.
As fascinated as I am by your down-filled, pillow-soft lips that are ten times too big for your face, I really miss my sweet, sweet lady kisses.
Sorry/not sorry.
Moving on, I repeat: I require all the solos.
That's just the way it's gonna be.
Brittany, why are you doing this? Well, I'm just living your lesson, Mr.
Shue.
It's all or nothing.
All or nothing! Come in! I said, come in.
What the hell are you doing? I'm nailing my 95 theses to the door.
Your 95 what? They're 95 reasons why I'm quitting the Cheerios! "Number one.
It is true that members of the Cheerios! "received illegal salaries and kickbacks.
"Last year alone, I earned $5,000.
Number two" I can read them myself without you reading them to me like I'm some idiot.
"Number three.
" Last year Sue Sylvester locked seven Cheerios! In a "dog crate in order to potty-train them.
" What are you doing? I soaked my uniform in lighter fluid overnight, and will now solemnize my departure from the Cheerios! By lighting it on fire.
Lord Jesus! This fool done tried to set my hair on fire! Okay, guys, listen up.
Uh, first up, we're gonna tackle Icona Pop.
It's got a unique beat, but not entire different from All right, look.
I'm-I'm sorry.
Excuse me, Mr.
Shue, but I've got to say something.
Okay.
Look, so I hate to pull a Brittany here, but the bottom line is, I'm not performing in regionals until Catfish reveals themselves.
This whole situation is out of hand and needs to end.
Hey, look, I'm serious, okay? I can't take it anymore, it-it's tearing me apart.
And someone in this room is playing games with me, and I want to know who! Somebody, just say who it is.
I don't think it's any of us.
Pull out your phones! Everybody pull out your phones right now! Ryder, relax, man.
Dude.
I know this is upsetting, but Well, now nobody is going to admit it for fear of being murdered.
I've told this person everything, and I want to know who it is.
I know you're upset I want to know No, you don't know.
You don't know, okay? Who is it? It's not me.
All right, fine.
If nobody's gonna say anything, pull out your phones.
And I want to see all of your phones.
Are you serious? All of your phones.
Pull out your texts.
I'm serious! Texts! Whoever it is, just say it.
Who is it? It's me.
I'm Catfish.
What? What do you? No, I-I-I asked you.
You swore to me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
Look, just take it easy, Ryder, okay? This was just a little joke.
Things got out of hand.
What, you're-you're defending her? Huh? Are you kidding me? What's wrong with you people? Ryder Marley, that's messed up.
Well, if you were asking me to marry you, I'd want that big one.
My fingers are on the larger side, and you have to figure, with my build, after we have a few babies, I may put on a couple of pounds.
Tina, I'm looking for a ring for Kurt.
He is so lucky.
Those are engagement rings.
That's good because I'm looking to get engaged.
I am constantly telling my nieces and nephews to wear condoms.
It's for my boyfriend.
I'm not pregnant.
He used to be my boyfriend.
It was the whole thing, it's very complicated.
I won't get into it.
But basically, I love him very much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so I'm going to ask him to marry me.
Tell me about your man.
Really? Is he your soul mate? Yes, he is.
I met Liz when we were 18.
It was at a Styx concert back when they were doing hard rock, not this weird robot stuff.
We've been together ever since.
Doesn't matter how young or old you are.
True love is true love.
My friends have been giving me so much flak.
If we all had listened, we wouldn't be moments away from the Supreme Court finally telling us that we are just as crazy and awesome as everybody else.
Hey, dude.
Don't try to stop me.
I'm doing this, okay? I love you and I want to support you, so if you're really gonna do this, I'm helping you pick out the ring.
I have, like, the best taste.
Is this him? No.
Oh, no.
No.
I mean, he wants to do me, but we're just friends.
Sam.
Jan.
Would you excuse us for just a moment? Yeah, sure.
I don't.
You do want to do me.
Forgive me for being pushy, but do you have anyone to advise you on this? Someone who would really understand? Someone gay? Yeah.
Not really.
I just want you guys to see what's possible when two people really love each other.
Sound good? Brittany, have a seat.
We need to chat.
I thought you were teaching aerobics to fat soccer moms.
Oh, I just stopped by the teachers' lounge to retrieve my baby's placenta in the fridge.
Brittany, Sue and I are very worried about you.
And we need to know what's going on.
I refuse to speak to either of you in this office.
It's dusty and drab and Mr.
Shue's "Teacher of The Year" picture really creeps me out.
So there's only one place that I'll talk: My turf, my rules, my Fondue.
Fondue for two! Hey! Fondue for two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for two! Welcome back to Fondue for Two.
Tonight's guests are two sworn enemies who became friends, then became enemies again, then became friends again, then enemies, and then everybody stopped caring.
Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester.
It's great to be here.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness, this fondue smells disgusting.
It's like somebody poured chardonnay on a homeless woman who'd been dead several days.
Yeah, fantastic.
So, Mr.
Shue, is it true that you and Emma are finally getting married? Yeah, it looks like it.
Awesome.
Do you plan on having children, or just continue to have weirdly intimate relationships with high school students instead of children? No, we'd like to have kids.
Speaking of kids, Sue Sylvester, what if I were to tell you that I know the true identity of your baby's celebrity father? I would say that's highly unlikely.
What if I were to tell you that I know for a fact that it's Michael Bolton? I would say that you have no proof.
Well, Michael Bolton played in a concert in Columbus, Ohio nine months to the day before your daughter was born.
Also, Robin's birth certificate says she was born in.
"Ol' Milton Beach," which is an anagram for "Michael Bolton.
" Also, Michael Bolton has a new album out, and track number one is called "So Proud to Be Your Father, Robin Sylvester.
" Michael Bolton and I met in 1994 in Los Angeles when I punctured his windpipe with a letter opener at Kate Mantilini's where he was having lunch and I just happened to be doing my taxes.
He choked after inhaling in a chunk of his own hair, and I saved his life.
He's owed me a favor ever since.
And just in case you're wondering, Michael Bolton is a fantastic lover.
Wow.
We did it all night, Will.
We did it every which way.
Cool.
Pick up.
I'm sorry, did, uh, hell just freeze over or did you just White Chocolate butt-dial me? Hey, look, I need to talk to you.
Sorry, no can do, Trouts, I just got back from a dance class and I'm already five minutes late for drinks with this insanely hot off-Broadway choreographer.
It's about Brittany.
Obviously.
Okay, she broke up with me.
Inevitably.
Okay, look, she's been acting really weird since she met with those people at MIT, okay? She even dropped out of regionals.
Okay, and are we sure it's not just Britney 3.
0 Week in Glee Club? Look, okay, I know I'm not your favorite person, but you also know that I'd help you if you ever asked me to.
Something, something's wrong.
I'm asking you for help.
It was love at first sticks, that's what we always say.
Well, the irony was that we met at the concert, you know.
We grew up in the same town just a few blocks from each other.
Wow.
We went to the same high school.
You guys are like a Nora Ephron movie.
Exactly.
Did you go to prom together? No.
Yeah, well Well, we went together as a group.
We took boys, of course.
Merle and Tommy, those poor fools.
Merle and Tom.
They had no idea what was going on.
It was different times then, you know.
There were, there were no gay clubs at school.
You know, nobody talked about it.
We had no representation.
But somehow we always found a way.
That summer we went on a bus tour of the United States.
We saw all the sights.
And in the end we decided we liked Ohio the best.
Yeah, yeah, came back, moved in together, got each other through college, and we broke up twice, and got back together again twice.
And then we bought the house in Lima.
What haven't we seen from our porch? Nothing.
Hmm.
AIDS.
Yeah.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Ellen.
We've seen it all side-by-side.
Remember when we couldn't even do this in public, hold hands? Oh, yeah.
You guys are so sweet.
But you know, when I asked you "How did you guys meet?" I actually meant, "How did you meet Blaine?" Oh! At the mall.
I was clothes shopping with Tina and we were at the food court at Sbarro, and Jan and I just got to talking.
And I said, "Why don't we continue this over dinner at Breadstix?" We've been coming here 20 years.
Thirty.
We camped out for the grand opening.
Yes, we did.
Well, I'm glad you recommended it, Jan.
I mean, it's great and really inspiring to hear your story.
You know, I know I don't, and we don't really have too many gay and lesbian role models to look up to, so You guys are a sweet couple.
Thank you.
Oh, we're not a couple.
Would you have married me if I had asked you? I mean, if we were allowed to? I always said yeah, as soon as it's legal in Ohio.
It will be.
Yeah.
Eventually.
But in the meantime, there are still plenty of places where it's legal.
And so, Elizabeth Margaret Stevens will you legally marry me? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, oh! Oh, honey, yes.
Hey, can we talk? Why don't you just text me? I know it was wrong and I know you're hurt, but you're taking it out on everyone, and that's not fair.
We need you for regionals! You don't need me, all right? Jake's a better dancer, Artie's a better singer, and Sam's better looking.
Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself.
We're not competing with each other, we're a team and Why? Why what? I need to know why.
Okay, you say we're a team, but you've been lying to me and messing with my head, and I need some kind of explanation if I'm gonna go to regionals.
Because.
because I know I'm not your vision of beauty.
Wait.
It-It was? Yes, I'm Unique aka Wade, aka Katie, aka Catfish.
Marley, I love you, but you don't have to cover for me anymore.
It started off innocent at first, and then he started telling me things, and it got way too deep to stop.
And you don't know how long it's been since I felt this close to someone without all of this getting in the way.
I know you're probably gonna punch me in the face, but the truth is, I reached out to you because I liked you.
So I got a picture of a cute blonde to make you like me back.
But all the stories, all the jokes, the connection that we had, that was all me.
And that was all real.
I'm sorry I stayed hidden.
I didn't do it to hurt you.
I just I really don't want to lose what we have.
We don't have anything.
I'm not gonna punch you in the face.
But I'm also not gonna talk to you ever again.
Fresh fondue for two! Hello again, and welcome to yet another very special episode of Fondue for Two.
I am joined by my former lady lover, Santana Lopez.
Let's get started.
Thank you again for taking the Lima Express all the way from New York City, again, to be here.
Well, actually, Britt, I came here to talk to you, not do a show, but Well, it's the same thing, so true or false? Lady Hummel and Grandma Berry both play bingo down at the V.
A.
and knit alpaca mittens on Saturday nights.
No, no, totally false.
I wish they were that exciting.
Aw, shoot.
But seriously, Britt, enough is enough.
I'm turning this off.
What are you doing? Lord Tubbington's a stickler for continuity in editorial.
Brittany, stop it.
Seriously, what the hell is going on with you? You're acting like a completely different person, and it's making me sad.
Well, get over it sadness is stupid.
Britt, I still care about you.
As a person and as a friend, and this just isn't you.
What I'm about to tell you is going to change everything, Santana.
Oh, I made it.
Hi.
Sorry I'm so nervous.
I had to ran and got us some gummy bears to calm my stomach.
No wonder you're nervous you're wearing white.
That's not exactly your lucky color.
I think you'll find our luck's about to change, Santana.
I'm gonna go check on the kids.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the 2013.
Greater Midwest High School Show Choir Regionals.
Now, please raise the roof for our distinguished panel of judges.
Executive Director of Ohio State Supermax Penitentiary.
Warden William Bobby! Wrongfully accused football legend.
Coach "Fingers" Shafranski.
And Indiana's number one circus contortionist.
Lady Marvelous! First up, their parents are rich and their voices are golden From Ziegler Prep in Cincinnati, it's The Waffle-Toots! Why are there so many Songs about rainbows And what's on the other Side? Rainbows Are visions but only Illusions And rainbows Have nothing To hide Someday we'll find it Marley was right.
Ryder, thank God.
I'm really only upset with one person.
It wouldn't be fair to punish the whole team.
Thank you.
All right.
But, uh I have done a lot of thinking.
And after regionals is over, I'm officially leaving Glee Club.
From North Valley Central High School in Indianapolis I'm sorry, Mr.
Shue.
the crossroads of America, it's the Hoosierdaddies! I dive into frozen waves Where the past comes back to life Fight fear for the selfish pain It was worth it every time Hold still right before we crash 'Cause we both know how this ends A clock ticks till it breaks your glass And I drown in you again 'Cause you are a piece of me I wish I didn't need Chasing relentlessly Still fight and I don't know why If our love Is tragedy Why are you My remedy? If our love's Insanity, why are you My clarity? Hey Hey Why are you my clarity? Hey Why are you my remedy? Hey Whoa-oh-oh-oh Hey, hey! Mama told me not To waste my life She said, "Spread your wings, my little butterfly" "Don't let what they say keep you up" "At night, and if they give you hell" "Then they can walk on by" My feet, feet can't touch the ground And I can't hear a sound But you just keep on running up your mouth, yeah Walk, walk on over there 'Cause I'm too fly to care Oh, yeah Your words don't mean a thing I'm not listening Keep talking, all I know is Mama told me not to waste my life She said, "Spread your wings" "My little butterfly" "Don't let what they say keep you up at night" "And they can't detain you 'cause wings are made" "To fly" No, we won't let Nobody bring us down No matter what you say, it won't hurt me Don't matter if I fall from the sky These wings are made to fly.
Hi.
You came Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Show circle.
Come on in.
New Directions!, um, before we go onstage, I have something I want to tell you guys.
I got offered early admission to MIT.
I never thought that I would graduate high school, let alone go to college, so I have to jump on this offer before it gets taken away.
They want me to leave immediately.
That's why I had that meltdown.
Um my entire life, people have always told me that I was stupid.
And after a while I started to believe them.
And it wasn't until I walked in this room and I joined this club that I really started believing in myself.
And as soon as I did that, as soon as I started believing that maybe I was smart after all, I think the whole world did, too.
And I'm really gonna miss you guys.
'Cause you guys are like my family.
Mr.
Shue's like our dad.
And Mercedes and Tina and Sugar and Mercedes, you guys are all like my sisters.
And Mike Chang and Blaine and Jim, you guys are all like my brothers.
My name's Joe.
And, Artie, you're like the boy next door who builds robots in his basement and who I take his virginity, and Jake and Marley and Ryder and Kitty, you guys are all like the foster kids who come to live with us when the orphanage closes and that we don't trust at first but we grow to love just like we do our pets.
And then there's Sam.
The cute boy from the wrong side of the tracks who does good impressions and who I fake marry.
I love you so much, Sam.
I love you, too, Brittany.
I'm really gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you.
No cries.
And there's Santana.
Oh, man.
You don't have to say anything, Brittany.
Okay.
No more.
Show circle.
Amazing! Ooh Yeah, you could be the greatest You could be the best, you could be The King Kong banging on your chest You can beat the world, you can beat the war, you can Talk to God, go banging on his door You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock Yeah You can move a mountain, you can break rocks You can be a master, don't wait for luck Dedicate yourself and you gonna find yourself Standing in the hall of fame Yeah Oh And the world's gonna know your name Yeah Oh 'Cause you burn with the brightest flame Yeah Oh And the world's gonna know your name Yeah Oh And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame Be a champion Be a champion Be a champion Be a champion And you'll be on the walls Of the hall of fame Be students, be teachers Be politicians, be preachers Yeah, yeah Yeah, come on Be believers, be leaders Be astronauts, be champions Be truth seekers Be students, be teachers Be politicians, be preachers Be preachers Be believers, be leaders Be astronauts, be champions Hall of fame You can be the greatest You can be the best You can be the King Kong banging on your chest You can beat the world, you can beat the war You can talk to God, go banging on his door You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock You can move a mountain, you can break rocks You could be a master, don't wait for luck Dedicate yourself and you will find yourself Standing in the hall of fame.
I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I love it I got this feeling on a summer day When you were gone I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn I threw your stuff into a bag And pushed it down the stairs I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care I love it I don't care I love it I love it, I don't care I love it I don't care I love it! I can't stay here I am not the girl Who runs and hides Afraid of what could be And I will go there I need time but know That things are always closer than they seem Now I'll do more Than dream Yeah I'm gonna fly Gonna crash right through the sky Gonna touch the stars Touch the stars Show everyone Show everyone That it's all or nothing All or nothing This is my life I'm not gonna live it twice There's no in-between No in-between Take it to extremes To extremes 'Cause it's all or nothing All or nothing at all Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Yeah Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 'Cause it's all or nothing at all Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh All or nothing.
One last reminder, please don't leave your trash under the seats because nobody likes a litterbug.
Third place in the 2013 Greater Midwest.
Show Choir Regionals goes to the Waffle-Toots! Now the moment we've all been waiting for.
In second place from Indianapolis, Indiana, the Hoosierdaddies, and first place goes to McKinley High New Directions! McKinley High is officially on its way to becoming a regionals dynasty! Only 24 more of these babies before we catch up to Vocal Adrenaline.
Oh, please.
Vocal Adrenaline's time has passed.
The present and the future is all about the New Directions! And we are going to prove it when we go to sunny Los Angeles for nationals and take home our second national championship in a row! That's right.
That's right.
Miss Pillsbury, who's your friend? Um, Miss Pillsbury, you're supposed to bring someone in to bless the team before the big game.
Okay.
Thank you.
Um, I figured out that I can't handle the pressure of a big wedding, so I told Will, if we're gonna get married, that I wanted an intimate ceremony in a special place surrounded by the people that we love.
Are you guys seriously throwing a surprise wedding? Just like Brooke Burke and David Charvet? Yes.
No music, no reception, no planning.
Just me, the one true love of my life, and then we'll have a little dinner at Breadstix.
- You're still here.
- I'm here.
Do you guys have vows prepared? I knew I forgot something No.
Um Well, hold on.
You always get to make the romantic speeches, so, um, why don't you let me do it this time? I'd love that.
Yeah? Okay.
There was this one day, um, right around the time that we first met.
Um, out in the courtyard.
And I had gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and you scraped it off with a credit card.
And whenever things in my head get all gooey and sticky and messy and I can't get 'em out, you always come along and you make me feel clean and you make me feel whole again.
Will, just as I know that the sky is blue, I know that you and I are meant to be together.
You are my hero, you are my one true love, you are my inspiration.
I love you, Will Schuester.
I can't believe this is happening.
I-I remember that day with the gum.
And the day you chaperoned the field trip to Carmel High.
And the red coat you wore when you took the team to their first sectionals.
I love that coat.
I got it on sale.
I remember and notice everything about you.
You only get one true love of your life.
And you are mine, Emma.
And I promise you that as long as you just keep being you and-and let me love you, I will be the happiest man alive.
And can we just skip to the "I do" part because I can't I can't spend one more minute without being this woman's husband.
Works for me.
I have a reservation at Breadstix, too.
We'll see you there.
Emma, do you take Will to be your husband, to love and honor, forsaking all others from this day forward? I do.
I do.
I do.
I do.
Will? Oh, I definitely do.
By the power vested in me and all the rest, Will, Emma Wemma I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Oh!