The Secret Life of the American Teenager s04e22 Episode Script
The Text Best Thing
ADRIAN: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager It's summer school.
It doesn't really count, does it? As a matter of fact, it does.
Is Amy home? Who's asking? We're Amy's friends from New York.
You really need Henry, you know that? How is it that Henry sleeps with Adrian and you end up not being friends with me? Lauren just spoke to me! If you make up with Lauren, I'm going to be lost.
I have no one.
I don't wanna watch someone else's kids.
Now I wish I hadn't told Grace we were going out.
Then she neveranna watch would have known.
's kids.
I still wanna be your girlfriend.
If you can be my friend then maybe Ben could be our friend again.
Dylan is smart enough to keep her friends close and her enemies closer.
That's why you still need Alice and Henry.
I don't wanna have sex with you without some kind of commitment.
You don't seriously think I can make a commitment to you for life right now? Will you marry me? I love you, Adrian.
Take as long as you want to answer.
I know about the girls.
You are too smart to get yourself into trouble with Ethan.
You don't think I should be friends with Ben? Tell Ricky you talked to Ben at the pizza joint and then drop it.
You and Ben don't need to be friends.
You don't need to be enemies, but you don't need to be friends.
Let's go find Daddy.
Hey you two, dinner's ready.
Mmm.
Something smells good, I'm starving.
Oh, it's just pasta, with a tomato sauce, no meat.
Really? Pasta? Come on, sit down.
One of the customers brought in some tomatoes from her garden, so I tried making a marinara sauce.
I'm usually the one who makes the spaghetti.
Yeah, but rather than make it with fake meat, She gave me some lettuce right out of her garden.
It actually tastes like something, not like the grocery stuff.
Yeah, the salad looks good, but, um, spaghetti is like the only thing I know how to cook.
Like I always say, if you can read, you can cook, but you don't have time to cook, it's just not your thing.
It's okay, let's eat.
It's my thing, sometimes.
I just told you this morning that I'd cook tomorrow night.
Yeah, but you don't have to.
But I want to.
I'm feeling really guilty about you taking care of my friends last week and I wanted to do something nice for you.
This isn't going to taste anything like your spaghetti, so you can still make your spaghetti tomorrow night if you want.
We can't have spaghetti two nights in a row.
We can if you want.
There's no law against it.
Come on, let's eat.
You know that night when I went out to get pizza and it took like an hour longer than it should have? I guess.
I was talking to Ben.
I saw him at the pizza place and we sat down and talked.
I just wanted you to know.
I guess you just wanted me to know a couple weeks later, but I don't really care.
You don't care? Should I? Shouldn't you? Why? It's Ben.
You see him at school every day anyway.
You don't even want to know what we were talking about? You can have a conversation with Ben without telling me everything you were talking about.
So, it was okay for me to talk to Ben for an hour, a whole hour while you were waiting for the pizza? I still got pizza.
Don't forget, I was once married to the guy.
Don't forget, you weren't really married to him.
And a lot of time has passed since then and why are we talking about this? Because I thought it might be a problem, that Ben and I have normalized our relationship.
As friends.
Unless normalizing your relationship means you had sex with him, I really don't care.
So, you're not even a little bit upset with me? Not unless you want me to be.
(SIGHING) (SIGHS) How was your day? Good.
Mine, too.
I'm sorry.
I've just been so stressed out about this and I couldn't find a way to tell you so I just blurted it out and I'm sure I took you by surprise.
So So, how do you like the sauce? It's fine.
Hey, it's okay to be angry with me or to snap.
You don't have to keep your anger buried inside of you, you don't have to stuff it down.
With some new sauce you made from some woman who gave you tomatoes.
By the way, I would like to know what woman is bringing tomatoes into the shop for you.
Because unlike you, I am bothered when you flirt with some woman, any woman, because I care about you.
Does she know you're engaged to be married? No.
I'm not wearing an engagement ring.
And you never mentioned it? Nope.
She's 79.
Oh.
So you were flirting with Ben? No, I didn't say that.
Well, you drew a comparison between what you were doing and what I was doing so What's going on? Other than you're trying to pick a fight with me.
And by the way, even if you pick a fight with me, I'm not going to ask for the ring back.
So if you don't want to get married, you're going to have to say so.
Just say so soon, all right? Hey, I want to get married, okay? I said yes, didn't I? Geez.
I'll just pick a date.
July the fourth of next summer.
How's that? That's great.
God bless America.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Really.
I just said it.
Well it means something, "God bless America.
" No, it doesn't.
You just surprised me with the fourth of July.
What'd you want me to say? Let freedom ring? All right, that definitely means something.
It means, I'd like to feel you set the date because you want to get married and not because you're upset that I'm not upset that you talked to Ben.
I doubt that tomato lady is 79.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love + - 4th of July.
- 4th of July.
Interesting choice.
(SLOWLY) Why the fourth of July? Why not now? Yeah.
(SLOWLY) Why not now? Oh, she probably wants a big wedding.
When John is three and they've been living years at that point? I should pay for that? Don't put that.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) She says not to worry, a big wedding.
nt What's Ricky saying? He's just giving me a recipe for tomato sauce.
He's going to have spaghetti saucee meat for the rest of his life.
I don't care what recipe (CHIMES) Wait.
Incoming.
Amy says some woman for tomato sauceipe and he claims but she doubts it.
Oh, no, that's probably true.
Mrs.
Garrity has a huge garden, she always brings stuff in or she did.
She's 79.
The lady is 79.
Who are you texting? Uh Mrs.
Garrity, the woman who is 79.
No, you're not.
I could be.
Who are you texting? My dad.
Who is mom again, isn't he?your Yeah.
So stop doing that to yourself.
Can we go to bed now? Um No.
I have to in World History.
er But if you can sleep then go ahead.
s on, What is that? I thought I'd make it a theme night since we're getting married the fourth of July.
You went out after dinner July underwear?th of No, I've been home all night.
Uh-huh.
And so where did you get those? I had them.
Yeah.
Where'd you get them? I don't know.
You would never go buy yourself flag underwear.
Who are you texting? No one.
Well? My mom gave them to me.
You're sure the Tomato Lady? It was supposed to be a joke.
You know why it's not funny? Because your mother didn't give you that underwear.
Just finish your homework about my underwear.
And why don't you and stop texting people.
Your mom did not buy that underwear.
Ricky says I gave him flag underwear.
What? The fourth of July? The fourth of July? Why would she pick the fourth of July? So the whole country can celebrate with them? I can't take of July wedding plans.
th Maybe you could sleep with Ricky.
What, we're not your sleeping around? What's the joke, that I'm a slut? You're not a I don't like that word and I don't think girls should call other girls sluts or skanks or any of that.
You know what, you just need to get laid.
Uh, no, I don't.
Uh No, you do, if you did, you'd understand that sleeping at too early an ageon is seriously damaging to your self-esteem.
Okay, I'm going to say that you should have said, "No thanks.
" Well, it's not that easy.
No.
It is.
(SIGHS) Look, if you're still angry with me, you should just say so.
I'm still angry with you.
Okay, well, if the two of us are going to be friends we can't be angry with each other.
We need someone else to be angry with, like a common enemy.
Like who? Amy? Amy? Think about it.
Our entire high school experience has been centered around Amy Juergens and her having sex one night at band camp.
It started our freshman year and it's going to continue through our senior year with her wedding plans.
It's all about her.
It's never about us.
We need a life of our own that has nothing to do with Amy and Ricky.
Not that we can't be friends with her, she is our friend but But we're the girls who didn't get pregnant and life should be about us, too.
Right.
And life shouldbg other than just sex.
Yeah.
Like going to college and picking a career and traveling the world and experiencing other cultures Bettering the world, improving the environment, making a contribution that uplifts mankind.
But not in a sexual way.
Great.
Now that Lauren and Madison are speaking again, they're too busy for me.
And you're too busy for me.
No, not just you, you and your flag underwear.
I'm changing.
It won't matter.
Ooh, I have to tell Henry.
But I thought we just agreed that we were going to have lives outside of Amy and Ricky so why don't we not tell anyone? Because I just did.
And besides, Henry is lonely.
And I feel guilty because I haven't seen him since you and I started talking again.
Oh, great.
The fourth of July.
Amy and Ricky are getting married the fourth of July.
I have no one to talk to.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) Wow.
The fourth of July? What's the fourth of July? Alice just texted me.
Amy set a date.
The fourth of July next year.
Huh.
Big deal.
If it's not a big deal, why are you texting Adrian? I don't know.
Who are you texting? (GROANS) Ben.
You're texting your ex-husband while you're kissing me? We were just kissing.
You don't want to do more than kiss? I do if you can get over my texting my ex-husband.
Deal.
Are you texting? Yeah.
Adrian.
She's just texting me to let me know that Amy and Ricky have set a date.
They're getting married on the fourth of July.
Next summer.
Unreal.
That is ridiculous.
What is wrong with these people? Getting married in high school? Oh.
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
Really, though, what is wrong with you people? Who has babies and gets married in high school? Pregnant teenagers? Don't they hand out condoms at your high school? Yeah, I guess they do.
Do they teach you to use them? Like in life sciences, biology, one of those classes? They used to, but Budget cuts.
Apparently the price of bananas has soared.
It was a joke.
Oh.
I get it.
I don't.
I don't get it.
I don't get why so many students at your high school have sex and get pregnant, or not, and get married.
In high school.
Well, I don't get why you guys drink and smoke pot.
ALL: We quit.
(CELL PHONE CHIMING) Oh I don't believe this.
It's Henry.
You're not still upset with him for sleeping with your ex-wife are you? Why do you care? Yeah.
It's not that I still care about her, but it's about loyalty and friendship and And sleeping with somebody you still care about.
I do not still care about Adrian.
(CLEARING THROAT) Or Amy.
Or any girl other than Dylan.
It seems to me if that were true you'd text Henry back.
Seems that way to me, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got a text from Ben.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! This is it.
He's going to forgive me.
Life is going to return to normal.
(CHIMES) + What? Well, you did such a great job of taking care of little Robie last time I left him with you that I thought you might be ready to pull an all-nighter.
I have to work in the morning.
He sleeps all night, I'll be back before he's up, and if not, I put all his things for breakfast in the refrigerator, clearly marked and you can text me, start breakfast and by the time the miowave pings, I'll be coming through the door.
You're going to have sex with Kathleen? She's not divorced.
You could get caught up in some legal something or other.
No.
They had a prenup.
Neither one wants to be married.
They've filed.
She's just waiting.
It's as clean as it gets.
George, it's not a good idea.
Once you sleep with her, you will never be able to go back to Anne, never.
I already told Anne I'm never going back to her.
I know, I know, but there's always a chance that when you see her again, you might change your mind.
No chance at all.
Anne is gay.
And Kathleen makes me gay.
You know, happy.
Yeah, I know.
Don't do this, it's too soon.
And you don't know that Anne is gay.
She doesn't even know if she's gay.
I doubt she's even thinking about being gay, she's just over there having a good time.
Well, I'm going to be over here having a good time.
With my first wife.
Who I should have stayed with.
Because for one thing, she is not gay.
Please tell me that you did not tell Kathleen that you think Anne is gay.
I'm not an idiot.
No.
You are.
So, can you watch Robie or not? No! No.
No.
No.
No.
I do not want to be responsible for Robie or for whatever is going to happen over there at Kathleen's house.
I take full responsibility.
She's got the new son over there, she's got the other son who just moved back into the house, you do not want to be fooling around with a married woman with two children in the same house! It's a recipe for disaster.
Nothing's going to happen.
What if Anne calls, what am I supposed to do then? The same thing you're supposed to have done every other time she calls.
Find out if she is or if she ain't.
Please.
Hello, girls.
ALL: He is the King! Ben, could I talk to you for a minute? We'll be right outside.
So, what's wrong? Nothing.
George called me.
He said Amy and Ricky set a date.
I thought you should know before you hear it from anyone else.
I already heard it.
From Henry.
Oh.
Nice of Henry to let you know.
He's looking out for you, even though you're not speaking to him.
I acknowledged the text.
Oh.
I was forced into it by Dylan and her gang.
Excellent.
So, is there anything else? Not really.
You know, I don't even know how to text.
And you think now would be a good time to learn while I'm entertaining guests? Well, I thought I'd at least let Camille and Betty know.
So call them.
Eh, it's not really worthy of a phone call, it's more just information.
You still haven't called or talked to Camille? I was hoping she'd call me.
Are you going to tell me what you're fighting about? If Iell you, would you then text her using my cell phone? Yeah, I guess.
She wants children.
(FAKING SURPRISE) She wants to adopt me? I didn't think so.
I don't want any more children.
Thanks, Dad.
And you told her this? I think she got the message.
How? Through Betty.
I told Betty and Betty told her and then I never heard from her again.
It's been too long so Do me a favor.
Text her.
Or you know what else you could do? You could pass her a note in class? Smart ass, just do it.
Come on, hurry up.
What do you want to say? "Dear Camille" Never mind, I got it.
I'm just joking.
Apparently the Boykewich men should just play it straight.
We're not funny.
You may not be funny, but "Dear Camille," that was funny.
Seriously, we have got to get Ben away from these people.
What's he doing with this white trash anyway? Technically, it's multi-cultural trash.
Well, he needs some multi-cultural class.
He's a classy guy.
What? He is.
It is hard to defend getting pregnant and married and then divorced in high school.
They're bombarded every day with messages about birth control.
Yeah, so? You're bombarded every day with the dangers of pot and alcohol.
BOTH: We quit.
Oh.
I know.
You know what we have to do? Stop lying about your little experiments with marijuana and alcohol? No, no.
We have to get Ben to transfer to our school next year, so he can go to a real school.
You're right.
He needs to be in a better environment.
He's a senior.
Yeah, so this is his last chance.
Our school would look way better on his college applications than his school.
It's a magnet school.
It has a very good reputation.
You're not sure about him, are you? You don't want him to come to our school? Is that it? No, that's not it.
Then he's coming to our school.
Oh! I thought you knew I was coming.
Didn't you get my text? No, you got my text.
I know you got my text.
Yeah, but I was already ready for bed.
You sleep alone in that? You never wore anything like that when we were Never mind.
I'm so happy you texted me.
I have missed you so much.
I have missed you too but I only want to be friends.
Can we be friends, please, please, please, Alice? I'm being friendly.
Be friendly in clothes.
Fine.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I thought you said you just wanted to be friends.
It's going to take time.
So if we ever got married, what day would it be? Jack, we're never going to get married.
You're going to college, and then I'm going to another college the year after that, and we're not going to see each other for four years and then when we do see each other we're both going to be with other people.
Or we start seeing each other again now, and not just as friends, and we can keep seeing each other until you're out of high school, and then in my second year and your first year of college at the same school, we live together.
And then we move in with each other in another city where we both get our first jobs and then two years later, we get married and have children, two girls and a boy, and we live happily ever after.
I can't do it.
I'm going to medical school and then I'll have my residency and all that.
We could figure it out, Grace.
If you wanted to be with me, we could figure it out.
I just think it's too soon to figure it out.
I don't believe that you want to be just friends.
I just And I don't believe in the whole happily ever after thing with you.
I've always loved you.
Jack, stop.
I can't I have to go home.
I can't do this again.
Just give me a chance, Grace.
I'll think about it.
What can't wait until I leave? It's Grace.
She's on her way home and Take your shoes back off.
I'm not done with you yet.
Are you joking around or you're serious? No, I'm telling Grace to give us another half hour.
You better make that an hour, I'm still recovering.
Okay.
Another hour.
So, you think we'll be going to that wedding the fourth of July, you and me, together? I don't know, that's a year from now.
I don't even know if I'll be invited.
And if you are, would I be your plus one? Is this a question where the answer gives some indication of how much I care about you? I hope so.
I care about you.
Good.
I care about you.
So, why don't we do this.
Why don't you and me make a commitment to only see each other for the next year? (LAUGHS) Omar, I made a commitment to be with Ben for the rest of my life, and here we are.
Look, Adrian, I don't want to lose you.
And I know you're going to college and you are going to be surrounded by guys who want to be with you.
I don't want anyone else to be with you, I don't want you to be with anyone else but me.
So, could you make a one year commitment? Could you do that? No.
But I could do this.
I promise not to be with any other man for the next week.
Week? Hear me out.
And if that works out, and it probably will, I promise not to be with any other man for the next month, and if that works out, I promise not to be with any other man for three months, and et cetera, et cetera We work our way up to the one year commitment.
All right.
Deal.
Now, how about the next hour? Week.
Starting with the next hour.
Oh.
Mmm.
+ (CHIMES) Hi, Leo.
Oh, Camille.
I was just texting you.
Yeah, you're getting pretty good at that.
If you get much better, I won't have time to drive over between replies.
I just didn't want to call you.
And I certainly didn't have the nerve to see you face to face.
But it's really good to see you.
Come on in.
Maybe we should talk.
I thought about it and I just don't want to have any more children.
Okay.
And I thought about it and I still would like to have children.
But not if it means losing you.
But I don't want you to be with me and then later look back and wish you'd had kids.
It's just that I've given up so much of my life already for you, Leo.
I know you didn't ask me to, but I did and I just really want to have a baby before it's too late.
I want children.
Hi, Mom.
I told you before, you're not funny.
Maybe I have a dark sense of humor.
A dork sense of humor? Maybe that, yes.
I like humor directed internally.
Now get the heck out of here, I'm trying to talk to Camille.
Good night.
You're so good at raising children.
Funny.
No, you are.
Camille, this is just one of those things.
I'm crazy about you, but I cannot be a father again at this age.
I don't even know if I can be a father for one more year until Ben graduates high school and gets into college.
Which I hope is out of the country.
I need a break.
I cannot sign up for another 18 years of this.
We could adopt a nine-year-old, split the difference.
I told you how I feel.
I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.
Well, how do you feel about me? You, I'm crazy about.
Leo I'm pregnant.
No, not really.
(LAUGHS) No, not really.
I just have a wicked sense of humor You could have given me a heart attack.
No, I know you.
You have a very strong heart.
I'm not sure what you mean by that.
I mean I want to sleep over.
So your dad said I can sleep over? No, I didn't get to ask him, he just told me to get the hell out of Dodge 'cause he was talking to Camille.
But you have to call your parents.
I did.
While you were talking to your dad.
And you got both of them on the phone and your mom and your dad said you can sleep over? Yes.
All right, well, we'll make out for another half hour then I'll drive you home, because I'm getting much better at telling when you're lying.
I wasn't lying.
I was stretching the truth.
They said I could sleep over at Mercedes' house.
LEO: Take her home.
Promise.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) What? Hello.
We can come back later.
No, please.
We weren't doing anything.
It's Alice and Henry, right? Right.
You texted me so, uh, I hope that meant there's at least some possibility we can be friends again.
Alice says she and I can be friends again.
I told him to text you.
Well, you didn't exactly tell me to.
You suggested I text Henry.
No, I told you to text him because I want you and Henry to be friends.
Ben's used to being bossed around.
He's used to me bossing him around anyway.
Well, now I'm bossing him around.
No one bosses me around.
LEO: Take her home now and get rid of the other two.
Welcome back, Henry.
We could go down to the rec room.
We were just down there with my friends.
Well, now we can go down there with Ben's friends.
You still need me.
The guest house is empty, we could go there.
Oh, yes.
Hi, Grace.
Hey.
How are you? I guess I'd say I'm surprised.
Then again, not at all surprised.
I'd just dropped by to, um Say hello to your mom, see how things are going with your brother You buying any of that? Not really.
Okay, well, good to see you again.
Good night, Kathleen.
Wait.
Grace, did you want something? Yeah, I just wanted to kill an hour.
Adrian is with Omar, but it turns out, I'd rather have seen them than the two of you.
Good night.
Good night.
So, Adrian is with Omar, huh? Yeah.
I was just over at Jack's.
I don't know how that's going to work out though, being friends with Jack.
Well you never know, it's working out with my being friends with George.
Mom, you're still married and he's still whatever he is.
Okay, well then, when I'm not married, and he's still whatever he is, are you going to be okay with my seeing George? Because I'm really happy when I'm with George.
Mom, he's been on and off with Amy's mom for years.
What if you fall in love with him again, or worse, what if you have sex with him again and he goes back to her again? (LAUGHS) Well, I don't think that that is going to happen.
In fact, he's already told her that that's not going to happen.
Honey, I know that that is not going to happen.
How do you know? I just know.
No, you don't.
No, I do.
As it turns out, Anne is You can't say anything to Amy about this.
About what? Anne is gay.
(SIGHS) I hope this doesn't get out.
+ Oh.
Hi.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Geez, we've overslept, we've got school.
Who are you? Mercedes.
Your mom called, she's got that wedding today so she was leaving the house and your dad's already left for work.
I told her you were in the shower and that we were going for breakfast before I take you home since my dad doesn't really cook.
Perfect.
And they don't question these lies? No.
It's not lying, really.
It's more Fabricating an alternate reality.
She was never here.
Good night.
I mean, day.
Bye, Henry and Alice.
And keep thinking about transferring to our school.
Bye.
See ya.
You're thinking of transferring to their school in your senior year? No.
You can't do that.
It's like old times.
We just spent the night.
Things are normal again.
I'm just thinking about it.
Ben, do you not realize that this girl is your Fatal Attraction? I don't think I'd say she's my Fatal Attraction, but maybe she's more my, uh Basic Instinct.
Let's go, Henry.
Uh It's going to take time.
(KNOCKING) Good morning.
Say good morning, Ethan.
You don't have to keep telling me that, I know to say good morning.
Well? Good morning.
I was on my way to drop Ethan off and I remembered I have a little gift for you and Amy.
A gift? You did tell me you set a date? People get a gift for setting a date? Well, Amy does.
Where is she? Didn't you tell her that we were stopping by? Yeah, but uh She had to leave early to take John by the nursery.
And she wanted to drop by her dad's.
I love the idea of the fourth of July.
It's kind of corny.
It is not corny.
Well, it's not romantic.
(SIGHS) Sure it is.
Why the fourth of July? I don't know, Amy just picked it.
Is Amy patriotic? (LAUGHS) More like idiotic.
It's an idiotic day to get married.
The Ides of March would be a better date.
The Ides of March? He's studying Shakespeare.
Well, good for him.
Give this to Amy.
What is it? It's a calendar so she can mark off the days till the wedding.
I mean, it took her long enough to come up with a day, and whether it's good or bad, at least now you have a date.
You know, it took me a long time to decide to marry her, so I don't care that it took her a few weeks, couple of months, whatever, to set a date.
Yeah, you do.
Shut up.
Ricky! What? I'm happy.
You don't sound happy.
Ethan.
I've just got a lot on my mind, okay? Like now you've got two gay moms in the family? What are you talking about? I'm not gay.
The other one.
Nora is gay.
That's not two gay moms, that's one gay mom.
Apparently people think Amy's mom is gay, too.
But she's not.
It's just a rumor.
Of course it is, otherwise I would know.
Where did you hear such a thing? From Grace's brother.
George told Kathleen, Kathleen told Grace and Okay, he just overheard.
She's not gay.
Or maybe she is.
Nobody knows.
Okay.
I just thought of something.
What if my mom was just drunk? What if she had no idea of what she was saying? Then you're in a lot of trouble.
Well you didn't tell anybody, did you? Who would I tell? Did you? Just Omar.
And I'm not even sure if he heard me.
Why not? Why don't you call your mom see how she's doing this morning, and, you know, just confirm that she said what she said.
That's a good idea.
You're driving yourself to school, right? Right.
(SIGHS) (BUZZING) Hello? Mom? Who is this? It's me, Grace, your daughter? I'm just kidding.
Honey, what's going on? I just wanted to see if you were okay.
Yes, I'm fine.
Why wouldn't I be? I don't know.
You were drinking last night.
I had a couple of glasses of wine, honey.
So, you're aware of what you told me.
About Amy's mom.
Yes, I'm aware.
And you're aware that I told you not to say anything to anyone, right? Right.
Oh, Grace.
You didn't tell anyone, did you? (SCOFFS) Who would I tell? I have to get to school.
(GROANS) (EXHALES) Good morning.
Good morning.
Those practices get earlier and earlier.
It's August.
It's hot.
Coach has us coming in at sunrise.
Yeah.
You doing okay with the team? Yeah, I mean, I don't think I'm going to be a starter, but maybe by next season.
Or if someone gets injured.
Well, that's good, that's good.
This is a whole other level of playing.
College ball.
It's a whole new level of hurt, too.
Yeah.
So, Grace came by last night.
Everything go all right? We're just friends.
Just friends, huh? Well, I know that's not what you want, but maybe that'll change.
Hey, listen, did you hear about Yeah, I heard, too.
Yeah? So, she's finally committing.
Committing? Yeah.
Making a declaration of love, a lifetime decision, that's committing.
I was thinking of it more as she's choosing her team.
Amy? Amy's mother.
Oh, so Amy's mother's getting married.
I thought it was Amy on the fourth of July.
I thought we were talking about something else.
So did I.
But the important thing is, we're communicating.
Everyone needs face time.
It's much better than all that texting and tweeting and electronic mailing and all that other razzmatazz.
Things can get lost in translation.
Have a nice day.
If Amy and Ricky need someone to officiate, I'd love to preside.
All right.
And if Amy's mother ever decides that she wants to get married again, I am a proponent of gay marriage.
Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Amy is really going to hate her new stepsister.
+ - Good morning.
- I am so sorry.
Sorry about what? That you didn't get to stay longer.
Me, too.
But probably for the best.
Nora was still awake when I got home, just standing over the crib staring at the kid.
She was too scared to go to sleep.
'Course if the kid woke up, he'd be too scared to sleep again.
Oh, funny.
Uh, so When is Anne coming home? I don't know.
I hope soon.
I love Robie, but I need some me time.
Me and you time.
Well, I hope you still feel the same way, after I tell you this.
Okay, so do not let her know that we know.
Right.
We're just going to talk about the usual stuff.
Her.
Right.
But we can't be angry with her just because we once again are focusing our lives around her drama.
No.
Because this is not really her, it's just something that is going on in her life.
Or it will be when her mother gets back.
Of course, it's still not about us.
You think she knows? Uh Yeah.
And I think she's having some sort of issue with it otherwise she would have told us and we would have found out before Grace found out.
Well, it's a possibility that Grace is wrong.
She heard it from her mother.
Yeah, but she heard it from Amy's father.
And he's an idiot.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
So, what's going on? Nothing.
Nothing.
Just waiting for Amy.
Oh? Why's that? No reason.
Yeah, in case you haven't heard, we're friends again.
Yeah, I heard, I just didn't care.
Well, well, well, speaking of friends again What's going on, Benny? You want to know what's going on? No, it was a rhetorical question.
Another week and I am out of here and the rest of you are still in high school.
Ben's thinking of transferring.
Transferring? Where? Oh, is this the part where I speak for myself? I'm thinking about transferring high schools.
The idea was thrown out there, I'm just considering it.
Oh, please don't tell me you'd actually transfer schools to be with that pot-smoking skank? Yes.
It's a possibility.
Have you lost your mind? Hey, you can't talk about my friend that way.
I'm a little out of practice.
Is Amy here yet? Why? What's going on now? You all know what is going on.
Thanks to you, yes.
Have you talked to your mother? Yes.
And I just want to say that I shouldn't have said anything and I'm really sorry I did.
And we should all just forget about it.
Please, you guys, I'm begging you.
Please, please, please.
If you're Amy's friends at all, please don't say anything about Amy's mother being gay.
Let's just talk about the wedding.
Let's talk about the fourth of July.
It's such a stupid day to get married.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, it really is.
(ALL AGREEING) You told Kathleen that Mom is gay? Morning.
I, uh I think my ear is a little clogged up from an earlier phone call.
What'd you say? (LOUDER) Are you telling people that Mom What? I can't hear you.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (SIGHS) I only told Kathleen.
And only to make her feel better about her marriage ending.
How would that make her feel better about her marriage ending? Well, at least her husband didn't turn her gay.
(CLEARS THROAT) Good morning, Amy.
No one turns anyone, okay? I beg to differ.
You don't know anything about it.
I don't know if you know anything about anything.
You were married.
Your husband beat the crap out of you and you turned.
First of all, congratulations on basically comparing yourself to my husband as someone who turns women gay.
Idiot, and second of all, I was gay.
I did not have the courage to be gay at the time and I got married and my husband beat the crap out of me and I was still gay and I still am.
And thirdly, Amy, your mom hasn't said that she's gay.
I know but she says she's not gay so much I know, but there may be many different reasons for that.
And your father here wants to believe that she's gay so he doesn't have to feel guilty about seeing Kathleen.
Well, you should feel guilty.
Anyway, congratulations on setting a date for your wedding.
I love the fourth of July.
I even bought Ricky some flag underwear last year.
Yeah.
Bye.
Thanks, Mom.
(SIGHS) Everyone knows.
Everyone.
How does everyone know? Duh, texting.
I don't even know.
I just told Kathleen that I thought your mom might be gay.
Do you realize that Mom is going to come home next week and everyone is going to be talking about this? No.
By next week, they'll be talking about something new.
Dad, it was wrong of you to say anything because this is Mom's personal business and because you don't know! You can't know, no one can unless Mom says so.
Yeah, but I got a hunch.
Just like I got a hunch that you set a date that's more of a deadline.
What? I don't think you know if you really want to get married, so you figure you'd set a date and try to talk yourself into it by then.
Nora's right.
You don't know anything about anything.
It doesn't really count, does it? As a matter of fact, it does.
Is Amy home? Who's asking? We're Amy's friends from New York.
You really need Henry, you know that? How is it that Henry sleeps with Adrian and you end up not being friends with me? Lauren just spoke to me! If you make up with Lauren, I'm going to be lost.
I have no one.
I don't wanna watch someone else's kids.
Now I wish I hadn't told Grace we were going out.
Then she neveranna watch would have known.
's kids.
I still wanna be your girlfriend.
If you can be my friend then maybe Ben could be our friend again.
Dylan is smart enough to keep her friends close and her enemies closer.
That's why you still need Alice and Henry.
I don't wanna have sex with you without some kind of commitment.
You don't seriously think I can make a commitment to you for life right now? Will you marry me? I love you, Adrian.
Take as long as you want to answer.
I know about the girls.
You are too smart to get yourself into trouble with Ethan.
You don't think I should be friends with Ben? Tell Ricky you talked to Ben at the pizza joint and then drop it.
You and Ben don't need to be friends.
You don't need to be enemies, but you don't need to be friends.
Let's go find Daddy.
Hey you two, dinner's ready.
Mmm.
Something smells good, I'm starving.
Oh, it's just pasta, with a tomato sauce, no meat.
Really? Pasta? Come on, sit down.
One of the customers brought in some tomatoes from her garden, so I tried making a marinara sauce.
I'm usually the one who makes the spaghetti.
Yeah, but rather than make it with fake meat, She gave me some lettuce right out of her garden.
It actually tastes like something, not like the grocery stuff.
Yeah, the salad looks good, but, um, spaghetti is like the only thing I know how to cook.
Like I always say, if you can read, you can cook, but you don't have time to cook, it's just not your thing.
It's okay, let's eat.
It's my thing, sometimes.
I just told you this morning that I'd cook tomorrow night.
Yeah, but you don't have to.
But I want to.
I'm feeling really guilty about you taking care of my friends last week and I wanted to do something nice for you.
This isn't going to taste anything like your spaghetti, so you can still make your spaghetti tomorrow night if you want.
We can't have spaghetti two nights in a row.
We can if you want.
There's no law against it.
Come on, let's eat.
You know that night when I went out to get pizza and it took like an hour longer than it should have? I guess.
I was talking to Ben.
I saw him at the pizza place and we sat down and talked.
I just wanted you to know.
I guess you just wanted me to know a couple weeks later, but I don't really care.
You don't care? Should I? Shouldn't you? Why? It's Ben.
You see him at school every day anyway.
You don't even want to know what we were talking about? You can have a conversation with Ben without telling me everything you were talking about.
So, it was okay for me to talk to Ben for an hour, a whole hour while you were waiting for the pizza? I still got pizza.
Don't forget, I was once married to the guy.
Don't forget, you weren't really married to him.
And a lot of time has passed since then and why are we talking about this? Because I thought it might be a problem, that Ben and I have normalized our relationship.
As friends.
Unless normalizing your relationship means you had sex with him, I really don't care.
So, you're not even a little bit upset with me? Not unless you want me to be.
(SIGHING) (SIGHS) How was your day? Good.
Mine, too.
I'm sorry.
I've just been so stressed out about this and I couldn't find a way to tell you so I just blurted it out and I'm sure I took you by surprise.
So So, how do you like the sauce? It's fine.
Hey, it's okay to be angry with me or to snap.
You don't have to keep your anger buried inside of you, you don't have to stuff it down.
With some new sauce you made from some woman who gave you tomatoes.
By the way, I would like to know what woman is bringing tomatoes into the shop for you.
Because unlike you, I am bothered when you flirt with some woman, any woman, because I care about you.
Does she know you're engaged to be married? No.
I'm not wearing an engagement ring.
And you never mentioned it? Nope.
She's 79.
Oh.
So you were flirting with Ben? No, I didn't say that.
Well, you drew a comparison between what you were doing and what I was doing so What's going on? Other than you're trying to pick a fight with me.
And by the way, even if you pick a fight with me, I'm not going to ask for the ring back.
So if you don't want to get married, you're going to have to say so.
Just say so soon, all right? Hey, I want to get married, okay? I said yes, didn't I? Geez.
I'll just pick a date.
July the fourth of next summer.
How's that? That's great.
God bless America.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Really.
I just said it.
Well it means something, "God bless America.
" No, it doesn't.
You just surprised me with the fourth of July.
What'd you want me to say? Let freedom ring? All right, that definitely means something.
It means, I'd like to feel you set the date because you want to get married and not because you're upset that I'm not upset that you talked to Ben.
I doubt that tomato lady is 79.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love + - 4th of July.
- 4th of July.
Interesting choice.
(SLOWLY) Why the fourth of July? Why not now? Yeah.
(SLOWLY) Why not now? Oh, she probably wants a big wedding.
When John is three and they've been living years at that point? I should pay for that? Don't put that.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) She says not to worry, a big wedding.
nt What's Ricky saying? He's just giving me a recipe for tomato sauce.
He's going to have spaghetti saucee meat for the rest of his life.
I don't care what recipe (CHIMES) Wait.
Incoming.
Amy says some woman for tomato sauceipe and he claims but she doubts it.
Oh, no, that's probably true.
Mrs.
Garrity has a huge garden, she always brings stuff in or she did.
She's 79.
The lady is 79.
Who are you texting? Uh Mrs.
Garrity, the woman who is 79.
No, you're not.
I could be.
Who are you texting? My dad.
Who is mom again, isn't he?your Yeah.
So stop doing that to yourself.
Can we go to bed now? Um No.
I have to in World History.
er But if you can sleep then go ahead.
s on, What is that? I thought I'd make it a theme night since we're getting married the fourth of July.
You went out after dinner July underwear?th of No, I've been home all night.
Uh-huh.
And so where did you get those? I had them.
Yeah.
Where'd you get them? I don't know.
You would never go buy yourself flag underwear.
Who are you texting? No one.
Well? My mom gave them to me.
You're sure the Tomato Lady? It was supposed to be a joke.
You know why it's not funny? Because your mother didn't give you that underwear.
Just finish your homework about my underwear.
And why don't you and stop texting people.
Your mom did not buy that underwear.
Ricky says I gave him flag underwear.
What? The fourth of July? The fourth of July? Why would she pick the fourth of July? So the whole country can celebrate with them? I can't take of July wedding plans.
th Maybe you could sleep with Ricky.
What, we're not your sleeping around? What's the joke, that I'm a slut? You're not a I don't like that word and I don't think girls should call other girls sluts or skanks or any of that.
You know what, you just need to get laid.
Uh, no, I don't.
Uh No, you do, if you did, you'd understand that sleeping at too early an ageon is seriously damaging to your self-esteem.
Okay, I'm going to say that you should have said, "No thanks.
" Well, it's not that easy.
No.
It is.
(SIGHS) Look, if you're still angry with me, you should just say so.
I'm still angry with you.
Okay, well, if the two of us are going to be friends we can't be angry with each other.
We need someone else to be angry with, like a common enemy.
Like who? Amy? Amy? Think about it.
Our entire high school experience has been centered around Amy Juergens and her having sex one night at band camp.
It started our freshman year and it's going to continue through our senior year with her wedding plans.
It's all about her.
It's never about us.
We need a life of our own that has nothing to do with Amy and Ricky.
Not that we can't be friends with her, she is our friend but But we're the girls who didn't get pregnant and life should be about us, too.
Right.
And life shouldbg other than just sex.
Yeah.
Like going to college and picking a career and traveling the world and experiencing other cultures Bettering the world, improving the environment, making a contribution that uplifts mankind.
But not in a sexual way.
Great.
Now that Lauren and Madison are speaking again, they're too busy for me.
And you're too busy for me.
No, not just you, you and your flag underwear.
I'm changing.
It won't matter.
Ooh, I have to tell Henry.
But I thought we just agreed that we were going to have lives outside of Amy and Ricky so why don't we not tell anyone? Because I just did.
And besides, Henry is lonely.
And I feel guilty because I haven't seen him since you and I started talking again.
Oh, great.
The fourth of July.
Amy and Ricky are getting married the fourth of July.
I have no one to talk to.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) Wow.
The fourth of July? What's the fourth of July? Alice just texted me.
Amy set a date.
The fourth of July next year.
Huh.
Big deal.
If it's not a big deal, why are you texting Adrian? I don't know.
Who are you texting? (GROANS) Ben.
You're texting your ex-husband while you're kissing me? We were just kissing.
You don't want to do more than kiss? I do if you can get over my texting my ex-husband.
Deal.
Are you texting? Yeah.
Adrian.
She's just texting me to let me know that Amy and Ricky have set a date.
They're getting married on the fourth of July.
Next summer.
Unreal.
That is ridiculous.
What is wrong with these people? Getting married in high school? Oh.
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
Really, though, what is wrong with you people? Who has babies and gets married in high school? Pregnant teenagers? Don't they hand out condoms at your high school? Yeah, I guess they do.
Do they teach you to use them? Like in life sciences, biology, one of those classes? They used to, but Budget cuts.
Apparently the price of bananas has soared.
It was a joke.
Oh.
I get it.
I don't.
I don't get it.
I don't get why so many students at your high school have sex and get pregnant, or not, and get married.
In high school.
Well, I don't get why you guys drink and smoke pot.
ALL: We quit.
(CELL PHONE CHIMING) Oh I don't believe this.
It's Henry.
You're not still upset with him for sleeping with your ex-wife are you? Why do you care? Yeah.
It's not that I still care about her, but it's about loyalty and friendship and And sleeping with somebody you still care about.
I do not still care about Adrian.
(CLEARING THROAT) Or Amy.
Or any girl other than Dylan.
It seems to me if that were true you'd text Henry back.
Seems that way to me, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got a text from Ben.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! This is it.
He's going to forgive me.
Life is going to return to normal.
(CHIMES) + What? Well, you did such a great job of taking care of little Robie last time I left him with you that I thought you might be ready to pull an all-nighter.
I have to work in the morning.
He sleeps all night, I'll be back before he's up, and if not, I put all his things for breakfast in the refrigerator, clearly marked and you can text me, start breakfast and by the time the miowave pings, I'll be coming through the door.
You're going to have sex with Kathleen? She's not divorced.
You could get caught up in some legal something or other.
No.
They had a prenup.
Neither one wants to be married.
They've filed.
She's just waiting.
It's as clean as it gets.
George, it's not a good idea.
Once you sleep with her, you will never be able to go back to Anne, never.
I already told Anne I'm never going back to her.
I know, I know, but there's always a chance that when you see her again, you might change your mind.
No chance at all.
Anne is gay.
And Kathleen makes me gay.
You know, happy.
Yeah, I know.
Don't do this, it's too soon.
And you don't know that Anne is gay.
She doesn't even know if she's gay.
I doubt she's even thinking about being gay, she's just over there having a good time.
Well, I'm going to be over here having a good time.
With my first wife.
Who I should have stayed with.
Because for one thing, she is not gay.
Please tell me that you did not tell Kathleen that you think Anne is gay.
I'm not an idiot.
No.
You are.
So, can you watch Robie or not? No! No.
No.
No.
No.
I do not want to be responsible for Robie or for whatever is going to happen over there at Kathleen's house.
I take full responsibility.
She's got the new son over there, she's got the other son who just moved back into the house, you do not want to be fooling around with a married woman with two children in the same house! It's a recipe for disaster.
Nothing's going to happen.
What if Anne calls, what am I supposed to do then? The same thing you're supposed to have done every other time she calls.
Find out if she is or if she ain't.
Please.
Hello, girls.
ALL: He is the King! Ben, could I talk to you for a minute? We'll be right outside.
So, what's wrong? Nothing.
George called me.
He said Amy and Ricky set a date.
I thought you should know before you hear it from anyone else.
I already heard it.
From Henry.
Oh.
Nice of Henry to let you know.
He's looking out for you, even though you're not speaking to him.
I acknowledged the text.
Oh.
I was forced into it by Dylan and her gang.
Excellent.
So, is there anything else? Not really.
You know, I don't even know how to text.
And you think now would be a good time to learn while I'm entertaining guests? Well, I thought I'd at least let Camille and Betty know.
So call them.
Eh, it's not really worthy of a phone call, it's more just information.
You still haven't called or talked to Camille? I was hoping she'd call me.
Are you going to tell me what you're fighting about? If Iell you, would you then text her using my cell phone? Yeah, I guess.
She wants children.
(FAKING SURPRISE) She wants to adopt me? I didn't think so.
I don't want any more children.
Thanks, Dad.
And you told her this? I think she got the message.
How? Through Betty.
I told Betty and Betty told her and then I never heard from her again.
It's been too long so Do me a favor.
Text her.
Or you know what else you could do? You could pass her a note in class? Smart ass, just do it.
Come on, hurry up.
What do you want to say? "Dear Camille" Never mind, I got it.
I'm just joking.
Apparently the Boykewich men should just play it straight.
We're not funny.
You may not be funny, but "Dear Camille," that was funny.
Seriously, we have got to get Ben away from these people.
What's he doing with this white trash anyway? Technically, it's multi-cultural trash.
Well, he needs some multi-cultural class.
He's a classy guy.
What? He is.
It is hard to defend getting pregnant and married and then divorced in high school.
They're bombarded every day with messages about birth control.
Yeah, so? You're bombarded every day with the dangers of pot and alcohol.
BOTH: We quit.
Oh.
I know.
You know what we have to do? Stop lying about your little experiments with marijuana and alcohol? No, no.
We have to get Ben to transfer to our school next year, so he can go to a real school.
You're right.
He needs to be in a better environment.
He's a senior.
Yeah, so this is his last chance.
Our school would look way better on his college applications than his school.
It's a magnet school.
It has a very good reputation.
You're not sure about him, are you? You don't want him to come to our school? Is that it? No, that's not it.
Then he's coming to our school.
Oh! I thought you knew I was coming.
Didn't you get my text? No, you got my text.
I know you got my text.
Yeah, but I was already ready for bed.
You sleep alone in that? You never wore anything like that when we were Never mind.
I'm so happy you texted me.
I have missed you so much.
I have missed you too but I only want to be friends.
Can we be friends, please, please, please, Alice? I'm being friendly.
Be friendly in clothes.
Fine.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I thought you said you just wanted to be friends.
It's going to take time.
So if we ever got married, what day would it be? Jack, we're never going to get married.
You're going to college, and then I'm going to another college the year after that, and we're not going to see each other for four years and then when we do see each other we're both going to be with other people.
Or we start seeing each other again now, and not just as friends, and we can keep seeing each other until you're out of high school, and then in my second year and your first year of college at the same school, we live together.
And then we move in with each other in another city where we both get our first jobs and then two years later, we get married and have children, two girls and a boy, and we live happily ever after.
I can't do it.
I'm going to medical school and then I'll have my residency and all that.
We could figure it out, Grace.
If you wanted to be with me, we could figure it out.
I just think it's too soon to figure it out.
I don't believe that you want to be just friends.
I just And I don't believe in the whole happily ever after thing with you.
I've always loved you.
Jack, stop.
I can't I have to go home.
I can't do this again.
Just give me a chance, Grace.
I'll think about it.
What can't wait until I leave? It's Grace.
She's on her way home and Take your shoes back off.
I'm not done with you yet.
Are you joking around or you're serious? No, I'm telling Grace to give us another half hour.
You better make that an hour, I'm still recovering.
Okay.
Another hour.
So, you think we'll be going to that wedding the fourth of July, you and me, together? I don't know, that's a year from now.
I don't even know if I'll be invited.
And if you are, would I be your plus one? Is this a question where the answer gives some indication of how much I care about you? I hope so.
I care about you.
Good.
I care about you.
So, why don't we do this.
Why don't you and me make a commitment to only see each other for the next year? (LAUGHS) Omar, I made a commitment to be with Ben for the rest of my life, and here we are.
Look, Adrian, I don't want to lose you.
And I know you're going to college and you are going to be surrounded by guys who want to be with you.
I don't want anyone else to be with you, I don't want you to be with anyone else but me.
So, could you make a one year commitment? Could you do that? No.
But I could do this.
I promise not to be with any other man for the next week.
Week? Hear me out.
And if that works out, and it probably will, I promise not to be with any other man for the next month, and if that works out, I promise not to be with any other man for three months, and et cetera, et cetera We work our way up to the one year commitment.
All right.
Deal.
Now, how about the next hour? Week.
Starting with the next hour.
Oh.
Mmm.
+ (CHIMES) Hi, Leo.
Oh, Camille.
I was just texting you.
Yeah, you're getting pretty good at that.
If you get much better, I won't have time to drive over between replies.
I just didn't want to call you.
And I certainly didn't have the nerve to see you face to face.
But it's really good to see you.
Come on in.
Maybe we should talk.
I thought about it and I just don't want to have any more children.
Okay.
And I thought about it and I still would like to have children.
But not if it means losing you.
But I don't want you to be with me and then later look back and wish you'd had kids.
It's just that I've given up so much of my life already for you, Leo.
I know you didn't ask me to, but I did and I just really want to have a baby before it's too late.
I want children.
Hi, Mom.
I told you before, you're not funny.
Maybe I have a dark sense of humor.
A dork sense of humor? Maybe that, yes.
I like humor directed internally.
Now get the heck out of here, I'm trying to talk to Camille.
Good night.
You're so good at raising children.
Funny.
No, you are.
Camille, this is just one of those things.
I'm crazy about you, but I cannot be a father again at this age.
I don't even know if I can be a father for one more year until Ben graduates high school and gets into college.
Which I hope is out of the country.
I need a break.
I cannot sign up for another 18 years of this.
We could adopt a nine-year-old, split the difference.
I told you how I feel.
I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.
Well, how do you feel about me? You, I'm crazy about.
Leo I'm pregnant.
No, not really.
(LAUGHS) No, not really.
I just have a wicked sense of humor You could have given me a heart attack.
No, I know you.
You have a very strong heart.
I'm not sure what you mean by that.
I mean I want to sleep over.
So your dad said I can sleep over? No, I didn't get to ask him, he just told me to get the hell out of Dodge 'cause he was talking to Camille.
But you have to call your parents.
I did.
While you were talking to your dad.
And you got both of them on the phone and your mom and your dad said you can sleep over? Yes.
All right, well, we'll make out for another half hour then I'll drive you home, because I'm getting much better at telling when you're lying.
I wasn't lying.
I was stretching the truth.
They said I could sleep over at Mercedes' house.
LEO: Take her home.
Promise.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) What? Hello.
We can come back later.
No, please.
We weren't doing anything.
It's Alice and Henry, right? Right.
You texted me so, uh, I hope that meant there's at least some possibility we can be friends again.
Alice says she and I can be friends again.
I told him to text you.
Well, you didn't exactly tell me to.
You suggested I text Henry.
No, I told you to text him because I want you and Henry to be friends.
Ben's used to being bossed around.
He's used to me bossing him around anyway.
Well, now I'm bossing him around.
No one bosses me around.
LEO: Take her home now and get rid of the other two.
Welcome back, Henry.
We could go down to the rec room.
We were just down there with my friends.
Well, now we can go down there with Ben's friends.
You still need me.
The guest house is empty, we could go there.
Oh, yes.
Hi, Grace.
Hey.
How are you? I guess I'd say I'm surprised.
Then again, not at all surprised.
I'd just dropped by to, um Say hello to your mom, see how things are going with your brother You buying any of that? Not really.
Okay, well, good to see you again.
Good night, Kathleen.
Wait.
Grace, did you want something? Yeah, I just wanted to kill an hour.
Adrian is with Omar, but it turns out, I'd rather have seen them than the two of you.
Good night.
Good night.
So, Adrian is with Omar, huh? Yeah.
I was just over at Jack's.
I don't know how that's going to work out though, being friends with Jack.
Well you never know, it's working out with my being friends with George.
Mom, you're still married and he's still whatever he is.
Okay, well then, when I'm not married, and he's still whatever he is, are you going to be okay with my seeing George? Because I'm really happy when I'm with George.
Mom, he's been on and off with Amy's mom for years.
What if you fall in love with him again, or worse, what if you have sex with him again and he goes back to her again? (LAUGHS) Well, I don't think that that is going to happen.
In fact, he's already told her that that's not going to happen.
Honey, I know that that is not going to happen.
How do you know? I just know.
No, you don't.
No, I do.
As it turns out, Anne is You can't say anything to Amy about this.
About what? Anne is gay.
(SIGHS) I hope this doesn't get out.
+ Oh.
Hi.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Geez, we've overslept, we've got school.
Who are you? Mercedes.
Your mom called, she's got that wedding today so she was leaving the house and your dad's already left for work.
I told her you were in the shower and that we were going for breakfast before I take you home since my dad doesn't really cook.
Perfect.
And they don't question these lies? No.
It's not lying, really.
It's more Fabricating an alternate reality.
She was never here.
Good night.
I mean, day.
Bye, Henry and Alice.
And keep thinking about transferring to our school.
Bye.
See ya.
You're thinking of transferring to their school in your senior year? No.
You can't do that.
It's like old times.
We just spent the night.
Things are normal again.
I'm just thinking about it.
Ben, do you not realize that this girl is your Fatal Attraction? I don't think I'd say she's my Fatal Attraction, but maybe she's more my, uh Basic Instinct.
Let's go, Henry.
Uh It's going to take time.
(KNOCKING) Good morning.
Say good morning, Ethan.
You don't have to keep telling me that, I know to say good morning.
Well? Good morning.
I was on my way to drop Ethan off and I remembered I have a little gift for you and Amy.
A gift? You did tell me you set a date? People get a gift for setting a date? Well, Amy does.
Where is she? Didn't you tell her that we were stopping by? Yeah, but uh She had to leave early to take John by the nursery.
And she wanted to drop by her dad's.
I love the idea of the fourth of July.
It's kind of corny.
It is not corny.
Well, it's not romantic.
(SIGHS) Sure it is.
Why the fourth of July? I don't know, Amy just picked it.
Is Amy patriotic? (LAUGHS) More like idiotic.
It's an idiotic day to get married.
The Ides of March would be a better date.
The Ides of March? He's studying Shakespeare.
Well, good for him.
Give this to Amy.
What is it? It's a calendar so she can mark off the days till the wedding.
I mean, it took her long enough to come up with a day, and whether it's good or bad, at least now you have a date.
You know, it took me a long time to decide to marry her, so I don't care that it took her a few weeks, couple of months, whatever, to set a date.
Yeah, you do.
Shut up.
Ricky! What? I'm happy.
You don't sound happy.
Ethan.
I've just got a lot on my mind, okay? Like now you've got two gay moms in the family? What are you talking about? I'm not gay.
The other one.
Nora is gay.
That's not two gay moms, that's one gay mom.
Apparently people think Amy's mom is gay, too.
But she's not.
It's just a rumor.
Of course it is, otherwise I would know.
Where did you hear such a thing? From Grace's brother.
George told Kathleen, Kathleen told Grace and Okay, he just overheard.
She's not gay.
Or maybe she is.
Nobody knows.
Okay.
I just thought of something.
What if my mom was just drunk? What if she had no idea of what she was saying? Then you're in a lot of trouble.
Well you didn't tell anybody, did you? Who would I tell? Did you? Just Omar.
And I'm not even sure if he heard me.
Why not? Why don't you call your mom see how she's doing this morning, and, you know, just confirm that she said what she said.
That's a good idea.
You're driving yourself to school, right? Right.
(SIGHS) (BUZZING) Hello? Mom? Who is this? It's me, Grace, your daughter? I'm just kidding.
Honey, what's going on? I just wanted to see if you were okay.
Yes, I'm fine.
Why wouldn't I be? I don't know.
You were drinking last night.
I had a couple of glasses of wine, honey.
So, you're aware of what you told me.
About Amy's mom.
Yes, I'm aware.
And you're aware that I told you not to say anything to anyone, right? Right.
Oh, Grace.
You didn't tell anyone, did you? (SCOFFS) Who would I tell? I have to get to school.
(GROANS) (EXHALES) Good morning.
Good morning.
Those practices get earlier and earlier.
It's August.
It's hot.
Coach has us coming in at sunrise.
Yeah.
You doing okay with the team? Yeah, I mean, I don't think I'm going to be a starter, but maybe by next season.
Or if someone gets injured.
Well, that's good, that's good.
This is a whole other level of playing.
College ball.
It's a whole new level of hurt, too.
Yeah.
So, Grace came by last night.
Everything go all right? We're just friends.
Just friends, huh? Well, I know that's not what you want, but maybe that'll change.
Hey, listen, did you hear about Yeah, I heard, too.
Yeah? So, she's finally committing.
Committing? Yeah.
Making a declaration of love, a lifetime decision, that's committing.
I was thinking of it more as she's choosing her team.
Amy? Amy's mother.
Oh, so Amy's mother's getting married.
I thought it was Amy on the fourth of July.
I thought we were talking about something else.
So did I.
But the important thing is, we're communicating.
Everyone needs face time.
It's much better than all that texting and tweeting and electronic mailing and all that other razzmatazz.
Things can get lost in translation.
Have a nice day.
If Amy and Ricky need someone to officiate, I'd love to preside.
All right.
And if Amy's mother ever decides that she wants to get married again, I am a proponent of gay marriage.
Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Amy is really going to hate her new stepsister.
+ - Good morning.
- I am so sorry.
Sorry about what? That you didn't get to stay longer.
Me, too.
But probably for the best.
Nora was still awake when I got home, just standing over the crib staring at the kid.
She was too scared to go to sleep.
'Course if the kid woke up, he'd be too scared to sleep again.
Oh, funny.
Uh, so When is Anne coming home? I don't know.
I hope soon.
I love Robie, but I need some me time.
Me and you time.
Well, I hope you still feel the same way, after I tell you this.
Okay, so do not let her know that we know.
Right.
We're just going to talk about the usual stuff.
Her.
Right.
But we can't be angry with her just because we once again are focusing our lives around her drama.
No.
Because this is not really her, it's just something that is going on in her life.
Or it will be when her mother gets back.
Of course, it's still not about us.
You think she knows? Uh Yeah.
And I think she's having some sort of issue with it otherwise she would have told us and we would have found out before Grace found out.
Well, it's a possibility that Grace is wrong.
She heard it from her mother.
Yeah, but she heard it from Amy's father.
And he's an idiot.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
So, what's going on? Nothing.
Nothing.
Just waiting for Amy.
Oh? Why's that? No reason.
Yeah, in case you haven't heard, we're friends again.
Yeah, I heard, I just didn't care.
Well, well, well, speaking of friends again What's going on, Benny? You want to know what's going on? No, it was a rhetorical question.
Another week and I am out of here and the rest of you are still in high school.
Ben's thinking of transferring.
Transferring? Where? Oh, is this the part where I speak for myself? I'm thinking about transferring high schools.
The idea was thrown out there, I'm just considering it.
Oh, please don't tell me you'd actually transfer schools to be with that pot-smoking skank? Yes.
It's a possibility.
Have you lost your mind? Hey, you can't talk about my friend that way.
I'm a little out of practice.
Is Amy here yet? Why? What's going on now? You all know what is going on.
Thanks to you, yes.
Have you talked to your mother? Yes.
And I just want to say that I shouldn't have said anything and I'm really sorry I did.
And we should all just forget about it.
Please, you guys, I'm begging you.
Please, please, please.
If you're Amy's friends at all, please don't say anything about Amy's mother being gay.
Let's just talk about the wedding.
Let's talk about the fourth of July.
It's such a stupid day to get married.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, it really is.
(ALL AGREEING) You told Kathleen that Mom is gay? Morning.
I, uh I think my ear is a little clogged up from an earlier phone call.
What'd you say? (LOUDER) Are you telling people that Mom What? I can't hear you.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) (SIGHS) I only told Kathleen.
And only to make her feel better about her marriage ending.
How would that make her feel better about her marriage ending? Well, at least her husband didn't turn her gay.
(CLEARS THROAT) Good morning, Amy.
No one turns anyone, okay? I beg to differ.
You don't know anything about it.
I don't know if you know anything about anything.
You were married.
Your husband beat the crap out of you and you turned.
First of all, congratulations on basically comparing yourself to my husband as someone who turns women gay.
Idiot, and second of all, I was gay.
I did not have the courage to be gay at the time and I got married and my husband beat the crap out of me and I was still gay and I still am.
And thirdly, Amy, your mom hasn't said that she's gay.
I know but she says she's not gay so much I know, but there may be many different reasons for that.
And your father here wants to believe that she's gay so he doesn't have to feel guilty about seeing Kathleen.
Well, you should feel guilty.
Anyway, congratulations on setting a date for your wedding.
I love the fourth of July.
I even bought Ricky some flag underwear last year.
Yeah.
Bye.
Thanks, Mom.
(SIGHS) Everyone knows.
Everyone.
How does everyone know? Duh, texting.
I don't even know.
I just told Kathleen that I thought your mom might be gay.
Do you realize that Mom is going to come home next week and everyone is going to be talking about this? No.
By next week, they'll be talking about something new.
Dad, it was wrong of you to say anything because this is Mom's personal business and because you don't know! You can't know, no one can unless Mom says so.
Yeah, but I got a hunch.
Just like I got a hunch that you set a date that's more of a deadline.
What? I don't think you know if you really want to get married, so you figure you'd set a date and try to talk yourself into it by then.
Nora's right.
You don't know anything about anything.