Everybody Loves Raymond s04e23 Episode Script

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey.
Hi.
Morning.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You know, I had a dream that you made me pancakes and bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Wake up.
Hello, family.
Ooh, hello, Officer Barone.
Don't you look handsome? Why, thank you.
I just thought I'd stop by to invite you both to be my guests for dinner tonight, help me celebrate my first day back on the job.
Oh, that's great.
We would love that.
And Amy will be joining us.
- What? - Amy? How did that happen? She called me.
Allegedly to ask for her pink sweater back.
You can't give that back.
What are you gonna wear with your blue skirt? Comical.
So this is very exciting, huh? Yep, back with Amy.
Going back to work.
Living in my own place again.
I'll tell ya, things are really moving forward.
- To where they were four months ago.
- Oh! Very happy for you, Robert.
Thank you.
Yeah, forget it.
I'm not kissing you.
What's the matter, Cubby? - Come on.
Give me a little sugar.
- Get lost.
- Come on.
- Get out of here.
Get out.
Hey, no, Rob You love it.
- You know you love it.
- What's wrong with you? It's good for you.
It's good for you.
Yeah.
He thinks because he buys me dinner, he gets to kiss me? This is great cake.
You guys didn't have to do this.
Well, partner, we wanted to welcome you back right.
Besides, I like cake.
Best bunch of guys in the world.
Everybody missed you.
Give me some frosting.
- Mmm, mmm.
- Mmm.
It's unbelievable.
It's so good to see somebody enjoying their food for a change.
- Four months with Officer Doyle.
- What? He's a good cop.
All he ate was protein bars.
I tried a peanut butter one once, tasted like feet.
Hey, if you see a flower shop, let's pull in.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
No no, I'm taking Amy out to celebrate tonight.
Amy? After all the times you bounced her around, she's still coming back for more? It's very hard for a woman to resist the charms of Officer Love.
Investigate 10-10, disorderly youths at Wazir's Candy Store, See the complainant.
We copy, 10-4.
Wazir's Candy Store.
Disorderly youths, that's all? I was hoping your first day back we'd have a homicide.
Oh, that's sweet.
Hey, it's still early yet, right? Finally.
- Thank goodness you've come.
- I'm Officer Rosemond and this is Sergeant Barone.
What seems to be the trouble? See those kids over there? One of them stole something.
- Well, did you see it? - Yes.
They were fooling around and that one in the green coat, he took something and put it in his posh-posh.
In his posh-posh? I think that's his pocket.
Yes, in his posh-posh.
Okay, look, why don't you take a statement? I'll go talk to the kid.
Sure, Sarge.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Hey, I was playing that.
I gotta ask you a couple of questions, and I would appreciate your full attention.
- What'd I do? - Well, I don't know yet.
Nice jacket.
Kind of warm for today, though.
What are you, the fashion police? Hey, what's your problem? All right, take it easy.
Just back off.
You back off, man.
- Judy.
- Why are you hassling me? Judy, could you get over here? - In a second, Sarge.
- Get over here now.
What's wrong? I don't know.
I don't know.
- He's a freak.
- Was I talking to you? Here, sit.
Now rest your mouth! I can take care of this.
You gonna be okay? I don't know.
I guess so.
Well, why don't you go wait in the car? I'll bring you some Goobers.
Marie, if the kids come down, don't give 'em any candy now 'cause they didn't eat their dinner.
I saw the meatloaf pan in the sink.
I'm sure they did the best they could.
What the hell was that? Doorbell.
You always had that? - Amy! - Hi! - Hi, Amy.
- Hi, Marie.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Boy.
- Is Robert here yet? - No, he's not here yet.
You look fantastic! Look at those shoes.
That's very sexy.
They're killing me.
But see how tiny my feet look? Where you been? Let's go.
Hi, Robert.
Ow ow ow ow.
How was your first day back? It was okay.
Is that what you're wearing to dinner, Robert? What the hell, man? I don't feel like going out tonight.
- Why, what's wrong? - Nothing.
Person doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to eat.
That's not true.
I thought we were gonna celebrate tonight.
I bought very uncomfortable shoes.
You know, I really don't need this kind of pressure right now.
Robert, what's the matter? Nothing nothing.
Just leave me alone! Fine.
Don't wanna go out? I understand.
What I can't understand is how I can be such an idiot! Ow! I'll tell you one thing.
I'm returning these damn shoes! Robert.
What's with all the screaming? You guys aren't even married yet.
I didn't scream at her, all right? - Well, you weren't nice.
- Just shut up, Raymond.
- We don't say "shut up," Robert.
- Well, then be quiet, Ma.
Oh, now just one minute, mister.
- You do not come into my house - Our house.
Fine.
Our house.
What happened? Did you have a bad day at work today? You could say that.
I hope it goes better tomorrow, but this is no excuse It's gonna go better, Ma, because I quit the force.
I guess we're not going out.
Meatloaf.
What the hell do you mean you quit? I quit.
I'm not a police officer anymore.
Come on, you didn't quit.
I told my squad this afternoon.
Robert, you were so excited about going back.
I changed my mind.
What happened? Did you skip lunch? You know how cranky you get? That wasn't it, Ma.
Judy and I went into this candy store.
Candy is not a meal.
Mom! What happened, Robert? I had a confrontation with some punk in the candy store, and I don't know.
I just I got scared.
I- I-I was thinking, "What if his friends jump me? What if he has a gun?" I froze.
It's never happened before.
Is this gonna be in the papers? 'Cause I'm just starting to live down the bull-in-the-ass thing.
No, Dad, but thanks for understanding.
You know, Robert, that was your first day back.
You have to give yourself a chance to adjust.
You can't adjust to terror.
You never know what's out there.
I didn't know a bull was gonna come around the corner at me.
I I didn't know what the kid had in his posh-posh.
I'm not going back.
Posh-posh? I know what will make you feel better, Robbie.
Come over.
I have some lambchops.
Oh, yum.
Bet that comes with the big side of room and board.
- What are you saying? - You got no job, can't pay your rent.
Here's Robbie.
I'll get another job, okay? There's lots of things I can do.
Yeah, right.
- Frank.
- Don't "Frank" me.
I'm the one who's gonna be shelling out for his feed for the next 20 years.
Or however long giants live nowadays.
Robbie, I'll help you, dear.
Have you been thinking of anything else you'd like to do, dear? I was thinking about getting into telemarketing.
Oh God, no.
A friend of mine does very well selling extended appliance warranties over the phone.
Telemarketing? You think people hate cops Robert, listen, you don't wanna do that.
You've always told me how much you love protecting the public.
I'll still be protecting the public from faulty appliances.
Listen, look, I've thought about this, okay? On a good week, I can make the same pay as I would on the force.
And as a telemarketer, I don't even have to leave my apartment.
Or bathe.
All right, forget it.
Okay, why do I even bother talking to you people? Robert, come on.
You really wanna leave your friends and your partner and the job you've had your whole life? Don't you get it? I froze out there, man! - Robert, listen - No, you listen, okay? You all listen.
I'm done being a cop.
A door closes, another one opens.
And I'm going through that door.
And I'm shutting it behind me.
The end.
This is awful, Ray.
You gotta do something.
I know telemarketing.
The first people those guys call are their family members.
You know, he needs to talk to somebody about this.
Like who? A shrink? Well, what's wrong with that? Excuse me, but they don't help.
They just blame the mother.
Yeah, that can't be it.
No, they don't blame anybody.
They just help you sort things out.
- How do you know? - Well, because I've been to one.
Really? Why would you tell her that? What? When I was in college.
Did you know this before you got married? Hey, a girl goes out with me, I don't ask questions.
Look, Robert's scared, you know? He needs to get some help.
He's gotta face his fears.
If he doesn't, he's not gonna get any better.
All right, enough.
Face his fears.
So he got a little scared, so what? You think I wasn't scared in Korea? Oh, God.
We were all scared.
We didn't have shrinks.
You know what snapped us out of it? But, Dad, where's Robert gonna get his hands on 50,000 screaming Chinamen? What are you doing? I thought we were going to lunch.
We're going for lunch.
I just thought we'd take a walk.
- Walk.
- What? It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
Two brothers can't go for a walk on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? Oh, so this is a regular thing now? - We're gonna do this every 40 years? - If you want, yeah.
Come on.
- How's it going? - Good.
Let me ask you, Raymond, is your lettuce wilting before it should? - What? - How about your dairy products? Do you find yourself throwing away the milk before the expiration date? Yeah, our refrigerator's fine, Robert, okay? We don't need any of your damn appliance insurance.
All right, then perhaps I should talk to the missus.
- Do you know how stupid you sound? - Let me tell you something.
If this was over the phone, you'd be begging me for this.
- Yeah.
- By the way, how is your phone? - You guys cover that? - Ah.
All right, I don't care about that.
Come on, look, I brought you out here for a reason.
We were talking about you after you left.
Yeah, you mean laughing about me.
No, not as much as you think.
Debra said something that kinda makes sense.
You're never gonna get better until you face your fears.
Who says I gotta get better? Well, I do and Mom and Dad and Debra and anyone else who gets one of your phone calls about their humidifier.
Humidifiers, left unattended, a virtual breeding ground All right! All right, enough.
- We're here.
- What do you mean we're here? What's that smell? "Fuzzy Acres Petting Zoo.
" You're gonna face your fears.
I don't have a fear of manure.
- Oh my God, that's him.
- No no no, wait wait wait! - What is he doing here? - Judy and I did some research.
After you busted up that rodeo, your bull got sentenced to community service here.
Wanna go see him? No, I don't wanna go see him.
What, are you crazy? You saw what he did to me.
I understand.
You're a little nervous.
Wanna work your way up? Start with a duck.
There is absolutely nothing funny about this, Raymond.
Listen to me.
I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was good for you.
I just want you to see that he's not a monster, you know? The day you two guys met, he was probably all freaked out.
He was probably more scared than you were.
Now look at him.
He's just Nestor, the happy bull.
Well, I'm glad he's happy.
How is this supposed to help me? Come on.
Just go look at him.
You were a cop.
You told me once about that victim therapy stuff.
So go ahead.
Confront your attacker.
I don't know, Raymond.
This fence doesn't look too sturdy.
He seems pretty mellow.
Turn around.
See if he recognizes you.
Go ahead.
Show him your fuzzy acres.
You gonna make jokes? That what you're gonna do? I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
I'll be upwind.
Funny man.
Hey.
Remember me? You ran into me a few months ago.
Actually, it was more than that.
You gored me.
You ran after me, you caught up with me, and you gored me right in the ass! That's right.
Why'd you do it, huh? You damn bull.
Robert, Robert, I know I know we're outside, but inside voice.
All right.
Look, you were probably just going on instinct.
But you really screwed things up for me.
I got famous 'cause of you.
Not the good kind of famous.
The kind of famous where people point at your butt and laugh.
I was in the hospital.
That's right.
I had to sit on a special pillow.
I don't know where your parents are right now, but how would you like to have to go and live with them for awhile? My father has always been a very insensitive man.
And my mother, well, there's really not enough time - Hey, Robert, you should probably - I want him to know.
Hi, bull.
This was the one.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
It felt even bigger.
Hey, you hungry? I know if I don't eat, I get all cranky.
You like that, huh? Good bull.
Nestor.
So you're Spanish.
So I went to see Nestor the bull, you know to face my fears, and that went pretty well.
In fact, I'm back on the force again and I'm feeling pretty good.
So I thought I'd come here to face you.
Not not that I'm afraid of you, but I would really feel better if you blinked.
See, I was afraid of us.
You know, commitment.
And, well, if you feel like giving me a second chance, or actually a fifth chance, um that would really make me happy.
Okay? You hungry? And now a message from your local Safety Council.
Hello, I'm Sergeant Robert Barone of the New York City Police Department.
Now you may remember me and my friend Nestor here from this little video.
That's me, and that's Nestor.
Not a fun day.
Remember, always be alert when crossing the street.
Use crosswalks and always look in both directions for oncoming traffic before stepping off the curb.
Take it from me and Nestor, when you're out on the street, anything can happen.
And that's no bull.