Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e23 Episode Script
Fan-tastic Countdown
coming up, what's got murr on a wild goose chase? come here.
Come here.
A wild goose chase? come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! what's got joe speaking in Come here.
Come here! Come here! what's got joe speaking in tongues? what's got joe speaking in tongues? [ speaking gibberish .]
Tongues? [ speaking gibberish .]
and which joker will be off [ speaking gibberish .]
and which joker will be off to the races in tonight's and which joker will be off to the races in tonight's punishment? To the races in tonight's punishment? prepare for something Punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today we're in the park, asking strangers if they agree or disagree.
Strangers if they agree or disagree.
the catch is the weird thing Disagree.
the catch is the weird thing we're asking them to agree with the catch is the weird thing we're asking them to agree with is gonna be given to us by the We're asking them to agree with is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
if you cannot get them to Agree with your bizarre point of View, you lose.
what if they agree to Disagree? ahh.
ohhhh.
[bleep.]
'em.
[ laughs .]
excuse me, sir.
Do you, um -- do you agree or Disagree you're only a creep if you Get caught.
that -- [ laughs .]
I have this -- this -- This -- this theory that you're Only a creep okay.
If you get caught.
that's what you believe? that's what I believe.
Like, if she doesn't see you, that's what I believe.
Like, if she doesn't see you, then it's not creepy, right? Like, if she doesn't see you, then it's not creepy, right? who is the "she"? Then it's not creepy, right? who is the "she"? [ laughs .]
who is the "she"? [ laughs .]
if, like, a tree falls in the [ laughs .]
if, like, a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, is it if, like, a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, is it a sound? Woods and nobody hears it, is it a sound? If a creep creeps in the A sound? If a creep creeps in the creeping and nobody sees him If a creep creeps in the creeping and nobody sees him creeping, then he's not a creep.
Creeping and nobody sees him creeping, then he's not a creep.
are you okay? Creeping, then he's not a creep.
are you okay? [ laughter .]
are you okay? [ laughter .]
I'm sorry, but you're not making [ laughter .]
I'm sorry, but you're not making a lot of sense.
I'm sorry, but you're not making a lot of sense.
uh A lot of sense.
uh I-I guess let's just bring it uh I-I guess let's just bring it back to the basics.
I-I guess let's just bring it back to the basics.
Agree or disagree -- you're only Back to the basics.
Agree or disagree -- you're only a creep if you get caught? Agree or disagree -- you're only a creep if you get caught? no.
I disagree.
A creep if you get caught? no.
I disagree.
you disagree? no.
I disagree.
you disagree? ohh! you disagree? ohh! you're a good man.
ohh! you're a good man.
[ laughs .]
you're a good man.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
yeah? excuse me.
yeah? uh, agree or disagree? yeah? uh, agree or disagree? the best time to get violent uh, agree or disagree? the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent Is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
Do you agree or disagree with Is during the appetizers.
Do you agree or disagree with that.
Think about it for a second, Because if you get violent up Front, at the beginning of the Meal, you're setting the tone For the meal, and you're gonna Know who can hack it.
yeah.
getting violent during the Dessert is just uncouth.
What are we, savages? [ laughter .]
So, would you agree or disagree That the best time to get Violent -- appetizers? You would agree with that? ohh! There it is! that's all I'm looking for, My friend.
Thank you very much.
You want to go have lunch? [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me, miss.
Can I ask your opinion? You would agree or disagree with This? my wife's pregnancy my wife's pregnancy Was an inside job.
Was an inside job.
Let me lay out the facts, okay? She's seven months pregnant now.
I've been gone for the past Year.
Inside job, right? I was in nebraska when she got Pregnant.
I wasn't even here.
Well, I'm laying these facts out To you.
oh, yeah! wow! You're gettin' the business! I'm telling you the truth! Hold on, miss! Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Listen up.
My wife is seven months Pregnant.
I've been in nebraska for nine Months.
how do I know that? I'm telling you that.
I don't know you from a can Of paint.
[ laughter .]
you don't know me from a can Of paint?! from a can of paint.
do you agree or disagree it Was an inside job that my wife Is pregnant? I don't agree, 'cause I don't Know your wife, now.
all right.
All right.
All right.
[ buzzer .]
how's it going? Can I ask your opinion on Something? Agree or disagree? ex-stepmoms should not be off Limits.
ex-stepmoms should not be -- Should not be off limits.
mm.
if I made a run at her, it Wouldn't be wrong? that's your dad's ex-wife.
ex, though.
but that's your dad.
[ laughter .]
I should mention they had A kid.
they had a kid? [ laughter .]
I mean, it all started at her She was steeped in pearls.
She just looked really Beautiful.
70th? 70th.
[ laughter .]
she looks good, right? yeah.
She looks good for her age.
I mean, she's got them taters.
[ laughter .]
They don't quit.
They don't quit.
[ laughs .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
I mean, honestly, though, I Would just love to take a run at Her.
All right.
Don't do it.
All right.
I'll listen to you.
[ buzzer .]
hey, bud, can I get your Opinion on something real Quick -- just agree or disagree? yeah.
that tree right there that tree right there It's homosexual right? Is most likely homosexual.
You know what I'm saying? I mean, what do you think? uh agree or disagree? You think trees are sexless.
I mean, look at all -- look at all -- look at all the tree I mean, look at all -- look at all -- look at all the tree hags hanging out around here.
At all -- look at all the tree hags hanging out around here.
You know what I mean? Hags hanging out around here.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
If I put a television in front Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
If I put a television in front of it, it's turning it to If I put a television in front of it, it's turning it to "will & grace.
" Of it, it's turning it to "will & grace.
" mario cantone? "will & grace.
" mario cantone? [ laughter .]
Mario cantone? [ laughter .]
ladies, can I get your opinion [ laughter .]
ladies, can I get your opinion on something real quick? Ladies, can I get your opinion on something real quick? Agree or disagree? Agree or disagree? it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before babysitting.
it's best to smoke up before babysitting.
[ laughter .]
Babysitting.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
it's best to smoke up a little [ chuckles .]
it's best to smoke up a little bit before you babysit.
It's best to smoke up a little bit before you babysit.
I mean, am I right? Bit before you babysit.
I mean, am I right? You got to take the edge off.
I mean, am I right? You got to take the edge off.
you're out of your mind.
You got to take the edge off.
you're out of your mind.
[ laughter .]
you're out of your mind.
[ laughter .]
you're done.
Get out.
[ laughter .]
you're done.
Get out.
"you're out of your mind.
" you're done.
Get out.
"you're out of your mind.
" amazing.
"you're out of your mind.
" amazing.
[ buzzer .]
Amazing.
[ buzzer .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughs .]
everyone can agree murr, joe, [ laughs .]
everyone can agree murr, joe, and sal are on the loser board.
everyone can agree murr, joe, and sal are on the loser board.
today we're at ivy real ed, And sal are on the loser board.
today we're at ivy real ed, and we're teaming up to teach today we're at ivy real ed, and we're teaming up to teach real-estate classes to a group And we're teaming up to teach real-estate classes to a group of prospective realtors.
Real-estate classes to a group of prospective realtors.
the thing is our Of prospective realtors.
the thing is our presentations have been made by the thing is our presentations have been made by the other team.
at the end, we'll ask the Group to raise their hands if They've learned anything of Value.
whatever team that gets the Fewest hands raised loses.
look at these two.
[ both laugh .]
what? Thank you for having us today, Everyone.
My name is james murray.
and I'm sal vulcano.
we are both real-estate brokers.
We're going to take through some Brokers.
We're going to take through some broad topics about real estate.
We're going to take through some broad topics about real estate.
Uh, good question.
Broad topics about real estate.
Uh, good question.
Absolutely 100%.
Uh, good question.
Absolutely 100%.
hit "next.
" Absolutely 100%.
hit "next.
" hit "next.
" hit "next.
" hit "next.
" [ laughter .]
hit "next.
" [ laughter .]
"is it true you don't sell to [ laughter .]
"is it true you don't sell to minorities?" "is it true you don't sell to minorities?" look at me.
Minorities?" look at me.
Do I look like I can relate to a Look at me.
Do I look like I can relate to a minority? Do I look like I can relate to a minority? [ laughter .]
Minority? [ laughter .]
I really feel like you look [ laughter .]
I really feel like you look like the government in a suit.
I really feel like you look like the government in a suit.
[ laughter .]
Like the government in a suit.
[ laughter .]
oh, I can't wait for this.
[ laughter .]
oh, I can't wait for this.
I can't wait for this next one.
oh, I can't wait for this.
I can't wait for this next one.
okay.
I can't wait for this next one.
okay.
Uh, "sex sells houses.
" okay.
Uh, "sex sells houses.
" sex sells.
Sex sells what? Uh, "sex sells houses.
" sex sells.
Sex sells what? Sex sells everything.
sex sells.
Sex sells what? Sex sells everything.
so, for example, these are Sex sells everything.
so, for example, these are sexy terms.
so, for example, these are sexy terms.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" Sexy terms.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" nice assets.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" nice assets.
[ laughter .]
Nice assets.
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" [ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" "deposit," right? [ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" "deposit," right? You want to get a little "deposit," right? You want to get a little deposit, right? You want to get a little deposit, right? [ laughter .]
Deposit, right? [ laughter .]
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly [ laughter .]
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly mortgage.
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly mortgage.
sexy.
Sexy, you know? Mortgage.
sexy.
Sexy, you know? [ laughter .]
sexy.
Sexy, you know? [ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
okay.
"moment of silence for [ normal voice .]
okay.
"moment of silence for paul deluca.
" "moment of silence for paul deluca.
" here we go.
Paul deluca.
" here we go.
[ snoring .]
here we go.
[ snoring .]
got to try to keep it.
[ snoring .]
got to try to keep it.
Try to hold it.
got to try to keep it.
Try to hold it.
[ snoring continues .]
Try to hold it.
[ snoring continues .]
[ laughter .]
paul deluca, uh, died selling real estate.
[ laughter .]
Real estate.
[ laughter .]
thank you guys.
[ laughter .]
thank you guys.
thank you.
thank you guys.
thank you.
By show of hands, how many of thank you.
By show of hands, how many of you think that you've learned By show of hands, how many of you think that you've learned something of value in today's You think that you've learned something of value in today's course? Something of value in today's course? Two.
Course? Two.
your message didn't reach the Two.
your message didn't reach the back.
your message didn't reach the back.
we connected with the front Back.
we connected with the front row.
we connected with the front row.
[ ding! .]
Row.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
here we go.
all right.
An introduction to real estate.
uh, "an open-end mortgage.
" "by show of hands, is anyone unfamiliar with this term?" okay.
One.
Unfamiliar with this term?" okay.
One.
one person's unfamiliar.
Okay.
One.
one person's unfamiliar.
"if you don't know what this one person's unfamiliar.
"if you don't know what this is, please leave.
" "if you don't know what this is, please leave.
" now you just got to wait, Is, please leave.
" now you just got to wait, guys.
now you just got to wait, guys.
uh Guys.
uh [ laughter .]
uh [ laughter .]
he's packing up! [ laughter .]
he's packing up! He's packing up! he's packing up! He's packing up! [ laughs .]
He's packing up! [ laughs .]
he's leaving! [ laughs .]
he's leaving! yes! Yes! He's leaving! yes! Yes! Quinn, this is cutthroat! yes! Yes! Quinn, this is cutthroat! We're eliminating your people! Quinn, this is cutthroat! We're eliminating your people! can they do that? We're eliminating your people! can they do that? it's a good move.
can they do that? it's a good move.
we can't believe it worked! it's a good move.
we can't believe it worked! It worked! we can't believe it worked! It worked! he'll never make it in the It worked! he'll never make it in the real-estate world.
he'll never make it in the real-estate world.
[ laughs .]
Real-estate world.
[ laughs .]
all right.
[ laughs .]
all right.
"before making a sale, ask all right.
"before making a sale, ask yourself -- is it worth it? "before making a sale, ask yourself -- is it worth it? Am I worth it? Yourself -- is it worth it? Am I worth it? I put my thing down, flip it up, Am I worth it? I put my thing down, flip it up, and reverse it.
" I put my thing down, flip it up, and reverse it.
" missy elliott said it best.
And reverse it.
" missy elliott said it best.
Um Missy elliott said it best.
Um [ speaking gibberish .]
Um [ speaking gibberish .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good luck! uh good luck! uh [ laughs .]
uh [ laughs .]
that's joe's new home that he [ laughs .]
that's joe's new home that he just bought.
that's joe's new home that he just bought.
Piece of [bleep.]
house.
Just bought.
Piece of [bleep.]
house.
that, uh, garage is gonna Piece of [bleep.]
house.
that, uh, garage is gonna need -- that, uh, garage is gonna need -- yeah.
The whole pavement's Need -- yeah.
The whole pavement's got to be redone.
yeah.
The whole pavement's got to be redone.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
Got to be redone.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
I just noticed the cracks.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
I just noticed the cracks.
yeah, there's cracks.
I just noticed the cracks.
yeah, there's cracks.
The problem is this is already yeah, there's cracks.
The problem is this is already in contract.
The problem is this is already in contract.
somebody -- somebody bought In contract.
somebody -- somebody bought that? somebody -- somebody bought that? yeah, so That? yeah, so there's a sucker born every yeah, so there's a sucker born every minute.
there's a sucker born every minute.
[ laughter .]
Minute.
[ laughter .]
"most people trust male [ laughter .]
"most people trust male real-estate agents more "most people trust male real-estate agents more because Real-estate agents more because Female real-estate agents cannot Because Female real-estate agents cannot be trusted.
" Female real-estate agents cannot be trusted.
" [ laughter .]
Be trusted.
" [ laughter .]
"1 week a month, their sales [ laughter .]
"1 week a month, their sales are in the red.
" "1 week a month, their sales are in the red.
" [ laughs .]
Are in the red.
" [ laughs .]
"it's not what you're [ laughs .]
"it's not what you're thinking.
"it's not what you're thinking.
Period.
" Thinking.
Period.
" [ laughter .]
Period.
" [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! "fact -- 90% of you will oh, my god! "fact -- 90% of you will fail!" "fact -- 90% of you will fail!" [ laughter .]
Fail!" [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
thanks for your money, [ ding! .]
thanks for your money, suckas.
thanks for your money, suckas.
[ laughter .]
Suckas.
[ laughter .]
by show of hands, how many [ laughter .]
by show of hands, how many people feel like they learned By show of hands, how many people feel like they learned something new here today? People feel like they learned something new here today? [ laughter .]
Something new here today? [ laughter .]
thank you, guys.
[ laughter .]
thank you, guys.
Appreciate it.
Thank you, guys.
Appreciate it.
all right.
Appreciate it.
all right.
[ laughing .]
that was all right.
[ laughing .]
that was domination! [ laughing .]
that was domination! [ buzzer .]
domination! [ buzzer .]
joe and q got housed, so [ buzzer .]
joe and q got housed, so they're taking up some real joe and q got housed, so they're taking up some real estate on the loser board.
They're taking up some real estate on the loser board.
today we're at cinderella's Estate on the loser board.
today we're at cinderella's card shop, looking for greeting today we're at cinderella's card shop, looking for greeting cards.
Card shop, looking for greeting cards.
and we'll have to pick three Cards.
and we'll have to pick three specific cards off the shelf and we'll have to pick three specific cards off the shelf that have been planted by the Specific cards off the shelf that have been planted by the other guys.
the inside of each card will Contain a secret action that we Must perform in front of the Customer.
if you can't get through all Three actions, you lose.
it's murr and q in a Joker-versus-joker double-down Challenge.
all right, murr.
Here's the three cards.
this one -- this is level 1, Level 2, level 3, right? that's it, buddy.
you got the rules of the game as we all understand them.
Good job, pal.
As we all understand them.
Good job, pal.
"very slowly extend your Good job, pal.
"very slowly extend your tongue out of your mouth.
" "very slowly extend your tongue out of your mouth.
" yeah, slow tongue extend.
Tongue out of your mouth.
" yeah, slow tongue extend.
I can't -- can't figure it yeah, slow tongue extend.
I can't -- can't figure it out.
I can't -- can't figure it out.
Are you going funny or sweet? Out.
Are you going funny or sweet? uh Are you going funny or sweet? uh I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go uh I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go with the sweet.
I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go with the sweet.
you're gonna go sweet? With the sweet.
you're gonna go sweet? you know, I've been living in you're gonna go sweet? you know, I've been living in new york for a decade you know, I've been living in new york for a decade there it is.
New york for a decade there it is.
[ laughs .]
there it is.
[ laughs .]
"poke someone's belly.
" [ laughs .]
"poke someone's belly.
" okay.
Well, good luck with this "poke someone's belly.
" okay.
Well, good luck with this one, boss.
Okay.
Well, good luck with this one, boss.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
One, boss.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
See, you go -- you go sweet.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
See, you go -- you go sweet.
Hey, it's See, you go -- you go sweet.
Hey, it's [ laughs .]
Hey, it's [ laughs .]
I got it.
I got it.
[ laughs .]
I got it.
I got it.
good luck with this one, I got it.
I got it.
good luck with this one, buddy.
good luck with this one, buddy.
let's see.
Buddy.
let's see.
I'm debating between a let's see.
I'm debating between a couple -- oh, man.
I'm debating between a couple -- oh, man.
"climb inside someone's Couple -- oh, man.
"climb inside someone's shirt"? "climb inside someone's shirt"? What does that mean? Shirt"? What does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
What does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
what does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
what does that mean? it's like what does that mean? it's like put your hand in your shirt it's like put your hand in your shirt but it's like put your hand in your shirt but it's like put your body in the But it's like put your body in the shirt put your body in the shirt put your body in the Shirt put your body in the shirt put your body in the shirt it's not easy.
Shirt it's not easy.
no, it's -- it's really hard.
it's not easy.
no, it's -- it's really hard.
It's so much harder than people no, it's -- it's really hard.
It's so much harder than people realize.
It's so much harder than people realize.
[ laughter .]
Realize.
[ laughter .]
do you mind if I climb up your [ laughter .]
do you mind if I climb up your shirt? Do you mind if I climb up your shirt? huh? Shirt? huh? [ laughter .]
huh? [ laughter .]
that's a good approach.
[ laughter .]
that's a good approach.
do you mind if I -- that's a good approach.
do you mind if I -- do you mind if I climb up your do you mind if I -- do you mind if I climb up your shirt, pop my head out, just to Do you mind if I climb up your shirt, pop my head out, just to see if it's -- just to kind of Shirt, pop my head out, just to see if it's -- just to kind of see what you see? See if it's -- just to kind of see what you see? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
See what you see? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
ma'am? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
ma'am? not -- ma'am? not -- no? not -- no? [ laughter .]
no? [ laughter .]
should be real easy and fun.
[ laughter .]
should be real easy and fun.
it's not gonna be easy or Should be real easy and fun.
it's not gonna be easy or fun.
it's not gonna be easy or fun.
here you go, slick.
Fun.
here you go, slick.
do you understand? here you go, slick.
do you understand? Hold on one second.
do you understand? Hold on one second.
Hold on a second, Hold on one second.
Hold on a second, you son of a bitch.
Hold on a second, you son of a bitch.
Come here.
Come here.
You son of a bitch.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come on.
Come on.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on.
[ speaks indistinctly .]
Come on.
Come on.
[ speaks indistinctly .]
how is the guy not decking [ speaks indistinctly .]
how is the guy not decking him? how is the guy not decking him? that's a disappointing loss.
Him? that's a disappointing loss.
[ buzzer .]
q, 17, 22, and 4 -- Those are your cards.
"talk about your ugly Children.
" [ laughter .]
a.
K.
A.
Your cats.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
yeah? excuse me.
yeah? I have kids, but they're -- yeah? I have kids, but they're -- they're really ugly.
I have kids, but they're -- they're really ugly.
[ chuckles softly .]
They're really ugly.
[ chuckles softly .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles softly .]
[ laughter .]
he chuckles.
[ laughter .]
he chuckles.
so I'm looking to see if he chuckles.
so I'm looking to see if there's any cards for ugly kids.
so I'm looking to see if there's any cards for ugly kids.
Do you see anything like that There's any cards for ugly kids.
Do you see anything like that around? [ laughter .]
yeah.
When your kids are that ugly, you got to go for it, yeah.
When your kids are that ugly, you got to go for it, right? Ugly, you got to go for it, right? Uh, ooh.
Wow.
Right? Uh, ooh.
Wow.
I have a good-looking cat, Uh, ooh.
Wow.
I have a good-looking cat, though, so maybe that's -- I have a good-looking cat, though, so maybe that's -- ahh.
Ahh.
Though, so maybe that's -- ahh.
Ahh.
I just got a paper cut from that Ahh.
Ahh.
I just got a paper cut from that card.
I just got a paper cut from that card.
Man, I'm scared.
Card.
Man, I'm scared.
Could you pick that up for me -- Man, I'm scared.
Could you pick that up for me -- the mother's day one, the cat Could you pick that up for me -- the mother's day one, the cat one? The mother's day one, the cat one? Let me -- let me help you out.
One? Let me -- let me help you out.
guide his hand.
Let me -- let me help you out.
guide his hand.
You got his guide his hand.
guide his hand.
You got his guide his hand.
there you go.
Yeah.
You got his guide his hand.
there you go.
Yeah.
just grab that for me.
there you go.
Yeah.
just grab that for me.
Yeah, that one's good.
just grab that for me.
Yeah, that one's good.
the guy did it! Yeah, that one's good.
the guy did it! all right.
Queen for a day.
the guy did it! all right.
Queen for a day.
Thanks.
all right.
Queen for a day.
Thanks.
Really killing it here today.
Thanks.
Really killing it here today.
Really killing it.
Really killing it here today.
Really killing it.
"get them to lower themselves Really killing it.
"get them to lower themselves to the ground with you.
" "get them to lower themselves to the ground with you.
" pfft.
To the ground with you.
" pfft.
[ laughter .]
pfft.
[ laughter .]
you know, I was watching this -- [ laughter .]
you know, I was watching this -- me and my wife and my ugly kids You know, I was watching this -- me and my wife and my ugly kids were watching this tv show about Me and my wife and my ugly kids were watching this tv show about where they hide the best cards Were watching this tv show about where they hide the best cards and stuff.
Where they hide the best cards and stuff.
They say the best ones are down And stuff.
They say the best ones are down low, so maybe we should check They say the best ones are down low, so maybe we should check out down low.
Low, so maybe we should check out down low.
What do you say? Out down low.
What do you say? Come on.
Come on.
What do you say? Come on.
Come on.
Let's get -- let's get down.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's get -- let's get down.
I can see from here.
Let's get -- let's get down.
I can see from here.
come on! I can see from here.
come on! here goes the "come on.
" come on! here goes the "come on.
" that's q's go-to when he wants here goes the "come on.
" that's q's go-to when he wants people to do something.
That's q's go-to when he wants people to do something.
come on.
Come on.
People to do something.
come on.
Come on.
I'm good.
come on.
Come on.
I'm good.
oh, look at this! I'm good.
oh, look at this! no way that guy's going down.
oh, look at this! no way that guy's going down.
yeah! no way that guy's going down.
yeah! A little lower.
A little lower.
yeah! A little lower.
A little lower.
I came down.
A little lower.
A little lower.
I came down.
come on! Kind of like this.
I came down.
come on! Kind of like this.
Kind of like this -- come on! Kind of like this.
Kind of like this -- like a baseball stance.
Kind of like this -- like a baseball stance.
Come on.
See what you got.
Like a baseball stance.
Come on.
See what you got.
Hey! All right! All right! Come on.
See what you got.
Hey! All right! All right! whoa! Hey! All right! All right! whoa! there you go.
whoa! there you go.
nicely done, q.
there you go.
nicely done, q.
[ ding! .]
nicely done, q.
[ ding! .]
murr couldn't play his cards [ ding! .]
murr couldn't play his cards right, so it's time for his murr couldn't play his cards right, so it's time for his punishment.
Right, so it's time for his punishment.
giddyup, folks! Punishment.
giddyup, folks! here we go! giddyup, folks! here we go! Murr lost, so we're here at here we go! Murr lost, so we're here at monmouth park racetrack for your Murr lost, so we're here at monmouth park racetrack for your punishment.
Monmouth park racetrack for your punishment.
all you have to do is go out Punishment.
all you have to do is go out into the stands and sell all you have to do is go out into the stands and sell concessions to patrons.
Into the stands and sell concessions to patrons.
that's right, and when they Concessions to patrons.
that's right, and when they give you their money, no matter that's right, and when they give you their money, no matter what, you cannot give them any Give you their money, no matter what, you cannot give them any change back.
What, you cannot give them any change back.
that's it.
Change back.
that's it.
[ laughs .]
that's it.
[ laughs .]
nice and easy.
[ laughs .]
nice and easy.
so, a lot of people are gonna nice and easy.
so, a lot of people are gonna lose at the tracks today? so, a lot of people are gonna lose at the tracks today? yeah.
That's right.
Lose at the tracks today? yeah.
That's right.
I mean, q is really excited yeah.
That's right.
I mean, q is really excited about the whole thing.
I mean, q is really excited about the whole thing.
you know me.
I'm q.
About the whole thing.
you know me.
I'm q.
[ chuckles .]
you know me.
I'm q.
[ chuckles .]
best friends 26 years.
[ chuckles .]
best friends 26 years.
that's right.
best friends 26 years.
that's right.
[ first call plays .]
that's right.
[ first call plays .]
[ bell rings .]
[ first call plays .]
[ bell rings .]
he's on the racetrack floor, [ bell rings .]
he's on the racetrack floor, which means these people are he's on the racetrack floor, which means these people are invested.
Which means these people are invested.
right.
Invested.
right.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
right.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
no.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
no.
some of them just lost a lot no.
some of them just lost a lot of money.
some of them just lost a lot of money.
every dollar counts.
Of money.
every dollar counts.
yes.
every dollar counts.
yes.
[ chuckles nervously .]
yes.
[ chuckles nervously .]
oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ chuckles nervously .]
oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ laughs .]
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ laughs .]
the outfit is amazing.
[ laughs .]
the outfit is amazing.
do I look official? The outfit is amazing.
do I look official? yeah.
You look like an do I look official? yeah.
You look like an official idiot.
yeah.
You look like an official idiot.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Official idiot.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Peanuts.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Peanuts.
how does a human look like Peanuts.
how does a human look like such a dope? how does a human look like such a dope? [ laughter .]
Such a dope? [ laughter .]
peanuts? [ laughter .]
peanuts? yeah.
What do you need? peanuts? yeah.
What do you need? how much? yeah.
What do you need? how much? the peanuts are $3.
25.
how much? the peanuts are $3.
25.
okay.
the peanuts are $3.
25.
okay.
Remember, you don't have change.
okay.
Remember, you don't have change.
The money they give you, you Remember, you don't have change.
The money they give you, you keep, no matter what.
The money they give you, you keep, no matter what.
I have a $5.
I'll do that.
Keep, no matter what.
I have a $5.
I'll do that.
guys, do you need a -- I have a $5.
I'll do that.
guys, do you need a -- yeah, let me see -- guys, do you need a -- yeah, let me see -- oh, the race is on.
Yeah, let me see -- oh, the race is on.
oh, the race is starting.
oh, the race is on.
oh, the race is starting.
walk away! Walk away! guys, p-peanuts, popcorn, Soda! Peanuts! Peanuts, popcorn, soda! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Sir [ laughter .]
What's that? you didn't give me any Change.
that was a tip, no? tip for what?! for -- ohhhh! tell you what -- I'll take the two bags, and I'll give you tell you what -- I'll take the two bags, and I'll give you whatever -- whatever -- The two bags, and I'll give you whatever -- whatever -- that's your tip.
Whatever -- whatever -- that's your tip.
well -- That's your tip.
well -- I got another tip for you -- well -- I got another tip for you -- find another job.
I got another tip for you -- find another job.
[ laughter .]
Find another job.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
I like the cut of this guy's [bleep.]
I like the cut of this guy's jib, joe.
I like the cut of this guy's jib, joe.
"tip for what?" Jib, joe.
"tip for what?" "what did you do? "tip for what?" "what did you do? You didn't do anything?" "what did you do? You didn't do anything?" sir, do you need, uh, uh, You didn't do anything?" sir, do you need, uh, uh, cold water, popcorn, peanuts? The peanuts -- they are $3.
25.
You got out of a $10.
oh, a $10! You got out of a $10.
oh, a $10! a $10! oh, a $10! a $10! that means $6.
75 is due to a $10! that means $6.
75 is due to this gentleman.
that means $6.
75 is due to this gentleman.
so, just the peanuts? This gentleman.
so, just the peanuts? You don't want anything else? so, just the peanuts? You don't want anything else? no.
No.
You don't want anything else? no.
No.
okay.
Great.
no.
No.
okay.
Great.
Thank you so much.
okay.
Great.
Thank you so much.
You guys need any, uh -- you Thank you so much.
You guys need any, uh -- you guys need any popcorn, peanuts, You guys need any, uh -- you guys need any popcorn, peanuts, water? I'm sorry? Yeah.
You got the peanuts, right? Great.
Yeah.
We got them right around The bends.
[ laughter .]
Uh Well, uh, for the pea-- uh, oh.
yes, there is something wrong with him, sir.
Look at him! With him, sir.
Look at him! I gave you $10.
Look at him! I gave you $10.
okay.
Yes, sir.
I gave you $10.
okay.
Yes, sir.
so I'm owed change, right? okay.
Yes, sir.
so I'm owed change, right? $6.
50 change.
so I'm owed change, right? $6.
50 change.
no, no, no.
$6.
50 change.
no, no, no.
You got to top and go right no, no, no.
You got to top and go right around and [muttering.]
You got to top and go right around and [muttering.]
huh? Around and [muttering.]
huh? [ laughter .]
huh? [ laughter .]
ice-cold water, popcorn, [ laughter .]
ice-cold water, popcorn, peanuts.
Popcorn is $2.
25, ma'am.
$2.
oh, there's $2.
$2.
oh, there's $2.
Oh, she's got precise change! oh, there's $2.
Oh, she's got precise change! Look at that! Oh, she's got precise change! Look at that! he's watching him collect Look at that! he's watching him collect change! he's watching him collect change! here you go, hon.
Change! here you go, hon.
Take care.
Enjoy the race.
here you go, hon.
Take care.
Enjoy the race.
is he tracking you down? Take care.
Enjoy the race.
is he tracking you down? uh-oh! He's mobile! is he tracking you down? uh-oh! He's mobile! there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
He's mobile.
murr, you better look out.
He's mobile.
what? He's mobile.
what? Oh, god.
Anybody need ice-cold popcorn, some peanuts? Guys, you need some ice-cold Some peanuts? Guys, you need some ice-cold water? Guys, you need some ice-cold water? lose him! Lose him! Water? lose him! Lose him! oh, god! Oh, god! lose him! Lose him! oh, god! Oh, god! holy [bleep.]
oh, god! Oh, god! holy [bleep.]
serpentine, murray! holy [bleep.]
serpentine, murray! Serpentine! serpentine, murray! Serpentine! [bleep.]
getting real, man.
Serpentine! [bleep.]
getting real, man.
Anybody -- excuse me.
[bleep.]
getting real, man.
Anybody -- excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Anybody -- excuse me.
I'm sorry.
and the blue shirt's coming I'm sorry.
and the blue shirt's coming around the outside.
and the blue shirt's coming around the outside.
[ laughter .]
Around the outside.
[ laughter .]
no-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
no-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
No-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
guys, what do I do? [ laughter .]
guys, what do I do? you get punished.
guys, what do I do? you get punished.
what do I do? you get punished.
what do I do? He's gonna catch me! what do I do? He's gonna catch me! [ laughs .]
He's gonna catch me! [ laughs .]
water, some peanuts? [ laughs .]
water, some peanuts? Guys? water, some peanuts? Guys? ah, you lost him.
Guys? ah, you lost him.
This guy's giving up for right ah, you lost him.
This guy's giving up for right now.
This guy's giving up for right now.
can we get a water, please? Now.
can we get a water, please? a bottle of water? Sure.
can we get a water, please? a bottle of water? Sure.
What do you have? a bottle of water? Sure.
What do you have? You have a $5.
What do you have? You have a $5.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so You have a $5.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so okay.
Thank you.
thank you.
okay.
Thank you.
thank you.
Does anybody need any water -- thank you.
Does anybody need any water -- ice-cold water? Does anybody need any water -- ice-cold water? can I have Ice-cold water? can I have [ laughter .]
can I have [ laughter .]
can I get my change? [ laughter .]
can I get my change? huh? Can I get my change? huh? can I get my change? huh? can I get my change? I thought that was for the -- can I get my change? I thought that was for the -- uh, you got, uh, what, the water I thought that was for the -- uh, you got, uh, what, the water and the Uh, you got, uh, what, the water and the just this.
Just the water.
And the just this.
Just the water.
yes.
That was $2.
just this.
Just the water.
yes.
That was $2.
right.
5 minus 2 yes.
That was $2.
right.
5 minus 2 that was the, uh -- right.
5 minus 2 that was the, uh -- that's $3! that was the, uh -- that's $3! right! $3 we get back.
that's $3! right! $3 we get back.
no, no.
right! $3 we get back.
no, no.
The water's $2, not $3.
no, no.
The water's $2, not $3.
right.
The water's $2, not $3.
right.
she gets $3 back.
right.
she gets $3 back.
he doesn't know what to do! she gets $3 back.
he doesn't know what to do! He's trapped! excuse me, hon.
I'm sorry? How do you mean? Give the lady her change.
ohhhhh! yes! it was a tip she tipped.
She tipped me.
she's waiting for her change.
I, uh this guy's back for his change! [ laughter .]
Change! [ laughter .]
now he's in a rock and a hard [ laughter .]
now he's in a rock and a hard place! Now he's in a rock and a hard place! who do I owe change? Place! who do I owe change? me! who do I owe change? me! you do? me! you do? yeah! you do? yeah! you tipped me.
yeah! you tipped me.
I did not.
you tipped me.
I did not.
why? I did not.
why? why? why? why? I feel like things are why? I feel like things are getting intense down here.
I feel like things are getting intense down here.
Do I owe you change? No.
[ laughter .]
so, him not owing him change Made sense for everybody.
[ laughter .]
you guys need any popcorn? [ laughter .]
you guys need any popcorn? [ laughter .]
who's this guy? [ laughter .]
who's this guy? it's her husband.
who's this guy? it's her husband.
guys, you need any cold it's her husband.
guys, you need any cold beverages? guys, you need any cold beverages? No? Beverages? No? now they got a whole gang No? now they got a whole gang after 'em! now they got a whole gang after 'em! popcorn, peanuts? After 'em! popcorn, peanuts? look! popcorn, peanuts? look! They're all trailing him! look! They're all trailing him! she got her husband, and the They're all trailing him! she got her husband, and the whole family's walking toward she got her husband, and the whole family's walking toward you! Whole family's walking toward you! [ laughter .]
You! [ laughter .]
anybody need anything? [ laughter .]
anybody need anything? Go, go, go, go, go! anybody need anything? Go, go, go, go, go! Step on it! Step on it! Go! Go! Get me the [bleep.]
out of here! [ laughter .]
murr! Aaah! she's running! She's running! Go! Go! Tell him to gun it! go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go! That way! Get me the [bleep.]
out of here! murray got away! wow!
Come here.
A wild goose chase? come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! what's got joe speaking in Come here.
Come here! Come here! what's got joe speaking in tongues? what's got joe speaking in tongues? [ speaking gibberish .]
Tongues? [ speaking gibberish .]
and which joker will be off [ speaking gibberish .]
and which joker will be off to the races in tonight's and which joker will be off to the races in tonight's punishment? To the races in tonight's punishment? prepare for something Punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today we're in the park, asking strangers if they agree or disagree.
Strangers if they agree or disagree.
the catch is the weird thing Disagree.
the catch is the weird thing we're asking them to agree with the catch is the weird thing we're asking them to agree with is gonna be given to us by the We're asking them to agree with is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
if you cannot get them to Agree with your bizarre point of View, you lose.
what if they agree to Disagree? ahh.
ohhhh.
[bleep.]
'em.
[ laughs .]
excuse me, sir.
Do you, um -- do you agree or Disagree you're only a creep if you Get caught.
that -- [ laughs .]
I have this -- this -- This -- this theory that you're Only a creep okay.
If you get caught.
that's what you believe? that's what I believe.
Like, if she doesn't see you, that's what I believe.
Like, if she doesn't see you, then it's not creepy, right? Like, if she doesn't see you, then it's not creepy, right? who is the "she"? Then it's not creepy, right? who is the "she"? [ laughs .]
who is the "she"? [ laughs .]
if, like, a tree falls in the [ laughs .]
if, like, a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, is it if, like, a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, is it a sound? Woods and nobody hears it, is it a sound? If a creep creeps in the A sound? If a creep creeps in the creeping and nobody sees him If a creep creeps in the creeping and nobody sees him creeping, then he's not a creep.
Creeping and nobody sees him creeping, then he's not a creep.
are you okay? Creeping, then he's not a creep.
are you okay? [ laughter .]
are you okay? [ laughter .]
I'm sorry, but you're not making [ laughter .]
I'm sorry, but you're not making a lot of sense.
I'm sorry, but you're not making a lot of sense.
uh A lot of sense.
uh I-I guess let's just bring it uh I-I guess let's just bring it back to the basics.
I-I guess let's just bring it back to the basics.
Agree or disagree -- you're only Back to the basics.
Agree or disagree -- you're only a creep if you get caught? Agree or disagree -- you're only a creep if you get caught? no.
I disagree.
A creep if you get caught? no.
I disagree.
you disagree? no.
I disagree.
you disagree? ohh! you disagree? ohh! you're a good man.
ohh! you're a good man.
[ laughs .]
you're a good man.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
yeah? excuse me.
yeah? uh, agree or disagree? yeah? uh, agree or disagree? the best time to get violent uh, agree or disagree? the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent Is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
the best time to get violent is during the appetizers.
Do you agree or disagree with Is during the appetizers.
Do you agree or disagree with that.
Think about it for a second, Because if you get violent up Front, at the beginning of the Meal, you're setting the tone For the meal, and you're gonna Know who can hack it.
yeah.
getting violent during the Dessert is just uncouth.
What are we, savages? [ laughter .]
So, would you agree or disagree That the best time to get Violent -- appetizers? You would agree with that? ohh! There it is! that's all I'm looking for, My friend.
Thank you very much.
You want to go have lunch? [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me, miss.
Can I ask your opinion? You would agree or disagree with This? my wife's pregnancy my wife's pregnancy Was an inside job.
Was an inside job.
Let me lay out the facts, okay? She's seven months pregnant now.
I've been gone for the past Year.
Inside job, right? I was in nebraska when she got Pregnant.
I wasn't even here.
Well, I'm laying these facts out To you.
oh, yeah! wow! You're gettin' the business! I'm telling you the truth! Hold on, miss! Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Listen up.
My wife is seven months Pregnant.
I've been in nebraska for nine Months.
how do I know that? I'm telling you that.
I don't know you from a can Of paint.
[ laughter .]
you don't know me from a can Of paint?! from a can of paint.
do you agree or disagree it Was an inside job that my wife Is pregnant? I don't agree, 'cause I don't Know your wife, now.
all right.
All right.
All right.
[ buzzer .]
how's it going? Can I ask your opinion on Something? Agree or disagree? ex-stepmoms should not be off Limits.
ex-stepmoms should not be -- Should not be off limits.
mm.
if I made a run at her, it Wouldn't be wrong? that's your dad's ex-wife.
ex, though.
but that's your dad.
[ laughter .]
I should mention they had A kid.
they had a kid? [ laughter .]
I mean, it all started at her She was steeped in pearls.
She just looked really Beautiful.
70th? 70th.
[ laughter .]
she looks good, right? yeah.
She looks good for her age.
I mean, she's got them taters.
[ laughter .]
They don't quit.
They don't quit.
[ laughs .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
I mean, honestly, though, I Would just love to take a run at Her.
All right.
Don't do it.
All right.
I'll listen to you.
[ buzzer .]
hey, bud, can I get your Opinion on something real Quick -- just agree or disagree? yeah.
that tree right there that tree right there It's homosexual right? Is most likely homosexual.
You know what I'm saying? I mean, what do you think? uh agree or disagree? You think trees are sexless.
I mean, look at all -- look at all -- look at all the tree I mean, look at all -- look at all -- look at all the tree hags hanging out around here.
At all -- look at all the tree hags hanging out around here.
You know what I mean? Hags hanging out around here.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
If I put a television in front Yeah.
Come on.
Look at that.
If I put a television in front of it, it's turning it to If I put a television in front of it, it's turning it to "will & grace.
" Of it, it's turning it to "will & grace.
" mario cantone? "will & grace.
" mario cantone? [ laughter .]
Mario cantone? [ laughter .]
ladies, can I get your opinion [ laughter .]
ladies, can I get your opinion on something real quick? Ladies, can I get your opinion on something real quick? Agree or disagree? Agree or disagree? it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before it's best to smoke up before babysitting.
it's best to smoke up before babysitting.
[ laughter .]
Babysitting.
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles .]
it's best to smoke up a little [ chuckles .]
it's best to smoke up a little bit before you babysit.
It's best to smoke up a little bit before you babysit.
I mean, am I right? Bit before you babysit.
I mean, am I right? You got to take the edge off.
I mean, am I right? You got to take the edge off.
you're out of your mind.
You got to take the edge off.
you're out of your mind.
[ laughter .]
you're out of your mind.
[ laughter .]
you're done.
Get out.
[ laughter .]
you're done.
Get out.
"you're out of your mind.
" you're done.
Get out.
"you're out of your mind.
" amazing.
"you're out of your mind.
" amazing.
[ buzzer .]
Amazing.
[ buzzer .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughs .]
everyone can agree murr, joe, [ laughs .]
everyone can agree murr, joe, and sal are on the loser board.
everyone can agree murr, joe, and sal are on the loser board.
today we're at ivy real ed, And sal are on the loser board.
today we're at ivy real ed, and we're teaming up to teach today we're at ivy real ed, and we're teaming up to teach real-estate classes to a group And we're teaming up to teach real-estate classes to a group of prospective realtors.
Real-estate classes to a group of prospective realtors.
the thing is our Of prospective realtors.
the thing is our presentations have been made by the thing is our presentations have been made by the other team.
at the end, we'll ask the Group to raise their hands if They've learned anything of Value.
whatever team that gets the Fewest hands raised loses.
look at these two.
[ both laugh .]
what? Thank you for having us today, Everyone.
My name is james murray.
and I'm sal vulcano.
we are both real-estate brokers.
We're going to take through some Brokers.
We're going to take through some broad topics about real estate.
We're going to take through some broad topics about real estate.
Uh, good question.
Broad topics about real estate.
Uh, good question.
Absolutely 100%.
Uh, good question.
Absolutely 100%.
hit "next.
" Absolutely 100%.
hit "next.
" hit "next.
" hit "next.
" hit "next.
" [ laughter .]
hit "next.
" [ laughter .]
"is it true you don't sell to [ laughter .]
"is it true you don't sell to minorities?" "is it true you don't sell to minorities?" look at me.
Minorities?" look at me.
Do I look like I can relate to a Look at me.
Do I look like I can relate to a minority? Do I look like I can relate to a minority? [ laughter .]
Minority? [ laughter .]
I really feel like you look [ laughter .]
I really feel like you look like the government in a suit.
I really feel like you look like the government in a suit.
[ laughter .]
Like the government in a suit.
[ laughter .]
oh, I can't wait for this.
[ laughter .]
oh, I can't wait for this.
I can't wait for this next one.
oh, I can't wait for this.
I can't wait for this next one.
okay.
I can't wait for this next one.
okay.
Uh, "sex sells houses.
" okay.
Uh, "sex sells houses.
" sex sells.
Sex sells what? Uh, "sex sells houses.
" sex sells.
Sex sells what? Sex sells everything.
sex sells.
Sex sells what? Sex sells everything.
so, for example, these are Sex sells everything.
so, for example, these are sexy terms.
so, for example, these are sexy terms.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" Sexy terms.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" [ lustfully .]
"assets.
" nice assets.
[ lustfully .]
"assets.
" nice assets.
[ laughter .]
Nice assets.
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" [ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" "deposit," right? [ normal voice .]
"deposit.
" "deposit," right? You want to get a little "deposit," right? You want to get a little deposit, right? You want to get a little deposit, right? [ laughter .]
Deposit, right? [ laughter .]
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly [ laughter .]
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly mortgage.
[ lustfully .]
bi-weekly mortgage.
sexy.
Sexy, you know? Mortgage.
sexy.
Sexy, you know? [ laughter .]
sexy.
Sexy, you know? [ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
[ normal voice .]
okay.
"moment of silence for [ normal voice .]
okay.
"moment of silence for paul deluca.
" "moment of silence for paul deluca.
" here we go.
Paul deluca.
" here we go.
[ snoring .]
here we go.
[ snoring .]
got to try to keep it.
[ snoring .]
got to try to keep it.
Try to hold it.
got to try to keep it.
Try to hold it.
[ snoring continues .]
Try to hold it.
[ snoring continues .]
[ laughter .]
paul deluca, uh, died selling real estate.
[ laughter .]
Real estate.
[ laughter .]
thank you guys.
[ laughter .]
thank you guys.
thank you.
thank you guys.
thank you.
By show of hands, how many of thank you.
By show of hands, how many of you think that you've learned By show of hands, how many of you think that you've learned something of value in today's You think that you've learned something of value in today's course? Something of value in today's course? Two.
Course? Two.
your message didn't reach the Two.
your message didn't reach the back.
your message didn't reach the back.
we connected with the front Back.
we connected with the front row.
we connected with the front row.
[ ding! .]
Row.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
here we go.
all right.
An introduction to real estate.
uh, "an open-end mortgage.
" "by show of hands, is anyone unfamiliar with this term?" okay.
One.
Unfamiliar with this term?" okay.
One.
one person's unfamiliar.
Okay.
One.
one person's unfamiliar.
"if you don't know what this one person's unfamiliar.
"if you don't know what this is, please leave.
" "if you don't know what this is, please leave.
" now you just got to wait, Is, please leave.
" now you just got to wait, guys.
now you just got to wait, guys.
uh Guys.
uh [ laughter .]
uh [ laughter .]
he's packing up! [ laughter .]
he's packing up! He's packing up! he's packing up! He's packing up! [ laughs .]
He's packing up! [ laughs .]
he's leaving! [ laughs .]
he's leaving! yes! Yes! He's leaving! yes! Yes! Quinn, this is cutthroat! yes! Yes! Quinn, this is cutthroat! We're eliminating your people! Quinn, this is cutthroat! We're eliminating your people! can they do that? We're eliminating your people! can they do that? it's a good move.
can they do that? it's a good move.
we can't believe it worked! it's a good move.
we can't believe it worked! It worked! we can't believe it worked! It worked! he'll never make it in the It worked! he'll never make it in the real-estate world.
he'll never make it in the real-estate world.
[ laughs .]
Real-estate world.
[ laughs .]
all right.
[ laughs .]
all right.
"before making a sale, ask all right.
"before making a sale, ask yourself -- is it worth it? "before making a sale, ask yourself -- is it worth it? Am I worth it? Yourself -- is it worth it? Am I worth it? I put my thing down, flip it up, Am I worth it? I put my thing down, flip it up, and reverse it.
" I put my thing down, flip it up, and reverse it.
" missy elliott said it best.
And reverse it.
" missy elliott said it best.
Um Missy elliott said it best.
Um [ speaking gibberish .]
Um [ speaking gibberish .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good luck! uh good luck! uh [ laughs .]
uh [ laughs .]
that's joe's new home that he [ laughs .]
that's joe's new home that he just bought.
that's joe's new home that he just bought.
Piece of [bleep.]
house.
Just bought.
Piece of [bleep.]
house.
that, uh, garage is gonna Piece of [bleep.]
house.
that, uh, garage is gonna need -- that, uh, garage is gonna need -- yeah.
The whole pavement's Need -- yeah.
The whole pavement's got to be redone.
yeah.
The whole pavement's got to be redone.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
Got to be redone.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
I just noticed the cracks.
I'm in for at least $2,500.
I just noticed the cracks.
yeah, there's cracks.
I just noticed the cracks.
yeah, there's cracks.
The problem is this is already yeah, there's cracks.
The problem is this is already in contract.
The problem is this is already in contract.
somebody -- somebody bought In contract.
somebody -- somebody bought that? somebody -- somebody bought that? yeah, so That? yeah, so there's a sucker born every yeah, so there's a sucker born every minute.
there's a sucker born every minute.
[ laughter .]
Minute.
[ laughter .]
"most people trust male [ laughter .]
"most people trust male real-estate agents more "most people trust male real-estate agents more because Real-estate agents more because Female real-estate agents cannot Because Female real-estate agents cannot be trusted.
" Female real-estate agents cannot be trusted.
" [ laughter .]
Be trusted.
" [ laughter .]
"1 week a month, their sales [ laughter .]
"1 week a month, their sales are in the red.
" "1 week a month, their sales are in the red.
" [ laughs .]
Are in the red.
" [ laughs .]
"it's not what you're [ laughs .]
"it's not what you're thinking.
"it's not what you're thinking.
Period.
" Thinking.
Period.
" [ laughter .]
Period.
" [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! "fact -- 90% of you will oh, my god! "fact -- 90% of you will fail!" "fact -- 90% of you will fail!" [ laughter .]
Fail!" [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
thanks for your money, [ ding! .]
thanks for your money, suckas.
thanks for your money, suckas.
[ laughter .]
Suckas.
[ laughter .]
by show of hands, how many [ laughter .]
by show of hands, how many people feel like they learned By show of hands, how many people feel like they learned something new here today? People feel like they learned something new here today? [ laughter .]
Something new here today? [ laughter .]
thank you, guys.
[ laughter .]
thank you, guys.
Appreciate it.
Thank you, guys.
Appreciate it.
all right.
Appreciate it.
all right.
[ laughing .]
that was all right.
[ laughing .]
that was domination! [ laughing .]
that was domination! [ buzzer .]
domination! [ buzzer .]
joe and q got housed, so [ buzzer .]
joe and q got housed, so they're taking up some real joe and q got housed, so they're taking up some real estate on the loser board.
They're taking up some real estate on the loser board.
today we're at cinderella's Estate on the loser board.
today we're at cinderella's card shop, looking for greeting today we're at cinderella's card shop, looking for greeting cards.
Card shop, looking for greeting cards.
and we'll have to pick three Cards.
and we'll have to pick three specific cards off the shelf and we'll have to pick three specific cards off the shelf that have been planted by the Specific cards off the shelf that have been planted by the other guys.
the inside of each card will Contain a secret action that we Must perform in front of the Customer.
if you can't get through all Three actions, you lose.
it's murr and q in a Joker-versus-joker double-down Challenge.
all right, murr.
Here's the three cards.
this one -- this is level 1, Level 2, level 3, right? that's it, buddy.
you got the rules of the game as we all understand them.
Good job, pal.
As we all understand them.
Good job, pal.
"very slowly extend your Good job, pal.
"very slowly extend your tongue out of your mouth.
" "very slowly extend your tongue out of your mouth.
" yeah, slow tongue extend.
Tongue out of your mouth.
" yeah, slow tongue extend.
I can't -- can't figure it yeah, slow tongue extend.
I can't -- can't figure it out.
I can't -- can't figure it out.
Are you going funny or sweet? Out.
Are you going funny or sweet? uh Are you going funny or sweet? uh I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go uh I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go with the sweet.
I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go with the sweet.
you're gonna go sweet? With the sweet.
you're gonna go sweet? you know, I've been living in you're gonna go sweet? you know, I've been living in new york for a decade you know, I've been living in new york for a decade there it is.
New york for a decade there it is.
[ laughs .]
there it is.
[ laughs .]
"poke someone's belly.
" [ laughs .]
"poke someone's belly.
" okay.
Well, good luck with this "poke someone's belly.
" okay.
Well, good luck with this one, boss.
Okay.
Well, good luck with this one, boss.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
One, boss.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
See, you go -- you go sweet.
got it.
Got it.
Got it.
See, you go -- you go sweet.
Hey, it's See, you go -- you go sweet.
Hey, it's [ laughs .]
Hey, it's [ laughs .]
I got it.
I got it.
[ laughs .]
I got it.
I got it.
good luck with this one, I got it.
I got it.
good luck with this one, buddy.
good luck with this one, buddy.
let's see.
Buddy.
let's see.
I'm debating between a let's see.
I'm debating between a couple -- oh, man.
I'm debating between a couple -- oh, man.
"climb inside someone's Couple -- oh, man.
"climb inside someone's shirt"? "climb inside someone's shirt"? What does that mean? Shirt"? What does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
What does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
what does that mean? get inside somebody's shirt.
what does that mean? it's like what does that mean? it's like put your hand in your shirt it's like put your hand in your shirt but it's like put your hand in your shirt but it's like put your body in the But it's like put your body in the shirt put your body in the shirt put your body in the Shirt put your body in the shirt put your body in the shirt it's not easy.
Shirt it's not easy.
no, it's -- it's really hard.
it's not easy.
no, it's -- it's really hard.
It's so much harder than people no, it's -- it's really hard.
It's so much harder than people realize.
It's so much harder than people realize.
[ laughter .]
Realize.
[ laughter .]
do you mind if I climb up your [ laughter .]
do you mind if I climb up your shirt? Do you mind if I climb up your shirt? huh? Shirt? huh? [ laughter .]
huh? [ laughter .]
that's a good approach.
[ laughter .]
that's a good approach.
do you mind if I -- that's a good approach.
do you mind if I -- do you mind if I climb up your do you mind if I -- do you mind if I climb up your shirt, pop my head out, just to Do you mind if I climb up your shirt, pop my head out, just to see if it's -- just to kind of Shirt, pop my head out, just to see if it's -- just to kind of see what you see? See if it's -- just to kind of see what you see? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
See what you see? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
ma'am? [ laughing .]
no, not today.
ma'am? not -- ma'am? not -- no? not -- no? [ laughter .]
no? [ laughter .]
should be real easy and fun.
[ laughter .]
should be real easy and fun.
it's not gonna be easy or Should be real easy and fun.
it's not gonna be easy or fun.
it's not gonna be easy or fun.
here you go, slick.
Fun.
here you go, slick.
do you understand? here you go, slick.
do you understand? Hold on one second.
do you understand? Hold on one second.
Hold on a second, Hold on one second.
Hold on a second, you son of a bitch.
Hold on a second, you son of a bitch.
Come here.
Come here.
You son of a bitch.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come here.
Come here.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come on.
Come on.
Come here! Come here! Come here! Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
Come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
come on.
Come on.
[ speaks indistinctly .]
Come on.
Come on.
[ speaks indistinctly .]
how is the guy not decking [ speaks indistinctly .]
how is the guy not decking him? how is the guy not decking him? that's a disappointing loss.
Him? that's a disappointing loss.
[ buzzer .]
q, 17, 22, and 4 -- Those are your cards.
"talk about your ugly Children.
" [ laughter .]
a.
K.
A.
Your cats.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
yeah? excuse me.
yeah? I have kids, but they're -- yeah? I have kids, but they're -- they're really ugly.
I have kids, but they're -- they're really ugly.
[ chuckles softly .]
They're really ugly.
[ chuckles softly .]
[ laughter .]
[ chuckles softly .]
[ laughter .]
he chuckles.
[ laughter .]
he chuckles.
so I'm looking to see if he chuckles.
so I'm looking to see if there's any cards for ugly kids.
so I'm looking to see if there's any cards for ugly kids.
Do you see anything like that There's any cards for ugly kids.
Do you see anything like that around? [ laughter .]
yeah.
When your kids are that ugly, you got to go for it, yeah.
When your kids are that ugly, you got to go for it, right? Ugly, you got to go for it, right? Uh, ooh.
Wow.
Right? Uh, ooh.
Wow.
I have a good-looking cat, Uh, ooh.
Wow.
I have a good-looking cat, though, so maybe that's -- I have a good-looking cat, though, so maybe that's -- ahh.
Ahh.
Though, so maybe that's -- ahh.
Ahh.
I just got a paper cut from that Ahh.
Ahh.
I just got a paper cut from that card.
I just got a paper cut from that card.
Man, I'm scared.
Card.
Man, I'm scared.
Could you pick that up for me -- Man, I'm scared.
Could you pick that up for me -- the mother's day one, the cat Could you pick that up for me -- the mother's day one, the cat one? The mother's day one, the cat one? Let me -- let me help you out.
One? Let me -- let me help you out.
guide his hand.
Let me -- let me help you out.
guide his hand.
You got his guide his hand.
guide his hand.
You got his guide his hand.
there you go.
Yeah.
You got his guide his hand.
there you go.
Yeah.
just grab that for me.
there you go.
Yeah.
just grab that for me.
Yeah, that one's good.
just grab that for me.
Yeah, that one's good.
the guy did it! Yeah, that one's good.
the guy did it! all right.
Queen for a day.
the guy did it! all right.
Queen for a day.
Thanks.
all right.
Queen for a day.
Thanks.
Really killing it here today.
Thanks.
Really killing it here today.
Really killing it.
Really killing it here today.
Really killing it.
"get them to lower themselves Really killing it.
"get them to lower themselves to the ground with you.
" "get them to lower themselves to the ground with you.
" pfft.
To the ground with you.
" pfft.
[ laughter .]
pfft.
[ laughter .]
you know, I was watching this -- [ laughter .]
you know, I was watching this -- me and my wife and my ugly kids You know, I was watching this -- me and my wife and my ugly kids were watching this tv show about Me and my wife and my ugly kids were watching this tv show about where they hide the best cards Were watching this tv show about where they hide the best cards and stuff.
Where they hide the best cards and stuff.
They say the best ones are down And stuff.
They say the best ones are down low, so maybe we should check They say the best ones are down low, so maybe we should check out down low.
Low, so maybe we should check out down low.
What do you say? Out down low.
What do you say? Come on.
Come on.
What do you say? Come on.
Come on.
Let's get -- let's get down.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's get -- let's get down.
I can see from here.
Let's get -- let's get down.
I can see from here.
come on! I can see from here.
come on! here goes the "come on.
" come on! here goes the "come on.
" that's q's go-to when he wants here goes the "come on.
" that's q's go-to when he wants people to do something.
That's q's go-to when he wants people to do something.
come on.
Come on.
People to do something.
come on.
Come on.
I'm good.
come on.
Come on.
I'm good.
oh, look at this! I'm good.
oh, look at this! no way that guy's going down.
oh, look at this! no way that guy's going down.
yeah! no way that guy's going down.
yeah! A little lower.
A little lower.
yeah! A little lower.
A little lower.
I came down.
A little lower.
A little lower.
I came down.
come on! Kind of like this.
I came down.
come on! Kind of like this.
Kind of like this -- come on! Kind of like this.
Kind of like this -- like a baseball stance.
Kind of like this -- like a baseball stance.
Come on.
See what you got.
Like a baseball stance.
Come on.
See what you got.
Hey! All right! All right! Come on.
See what you got.
Hey! All right! All right! whoa! Hey! All right! All right! whoa! there you go.
whoa! there you go.
nicely done, q.
there you go.
nicely done, q.
[ ding! .]
nicely done, q.
[ ding! .]
murr couldn't play his cards [ ding! .]
murr couldn't play his cards right, so it's time for his murr couldn't play his cards right, so it's time for his punishment.
Right, so it's time for his punishment.
giddyup, folks! Punishment.
giddyup, folks! here we go! giddyup, folks! here we go! Murr lost, so we're here at here we go! Murr lost, so we're here at monmouth park racetrack for your Murr lost, so we're here at monmouth park racetrack for your punishment.
Monmouth park racetrack for your punishment.
all you have to do is go out Punishment.
all you have to do is go out into the stands and sell all you have to do is go out into the stands and sell concessions to patrons.
Into the stands and sell concessions to patrons.
that's right, and when they Concessions to patrons.
that's right, and when they give you their money, no matter that's right, and when they give you their money, no matter what, you cannot give them any Give you their money, no matter what, you cannot give them any change back.
What, you cannot give them any change back.
that's it.
Change back.
that's it.
[ laughs .]
that's it.
[ laughs .]
nice and easy.
[ laughs .]
nice and easy.
so, a lot of people are gonna nice and easy.
so, a lot of people are gonna lose at the tracks today? so, a lot of people are gonna lose at the tracks today? yeah.
That's right.
Lose at the tracks today? yeah.
That's right.
I mean, q is really excited yeah.
That's right.
I mean, q is really excited about the whole thing.
I mean, q is really excited about the whole thing.
you know me.
I'm q.
About the whole thing.
you know me.
I'm q.
[ chuckles .]
you know me.
I'm q.
[ chuckles .]
best friends 26 years.
[ chuckles .]
best friends 26 years.
that's right.
best friends 26 years.
that's right.
[ first call plays .]
that's right.
[ first call plays .]
[ bell rings .]
[ first call plays .]
[ bell rings .]
he's on the racetrack floor, [ bell rings .]
he's on the racetrack floor, which means these people are he's on the racetrack floor, which means these people are invested.
Which means these people are invested.
right.
Invested.
right.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
right.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
no.
sure.
Not a patient crowd.
no.
some of them just lost a lot no.
some of them just lost a lot of money.
some of them just lost a lot of money.
every dollar counts.
Of money.
every dollar counts.
yes.
every dollar counts.
yes.
[ chuckles nervously .]
yes.
[ chuckles nervously .]
oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ chuckles nervously .]
oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ laughs .]
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
[ laughs .]
the outfit is amazing.
[ laughs .]
the outfit is amazing.
do I look official? The outfit is amazing.
do I look official? yeah.
You look like an do I look official? yeah.
You look like an official idiot.
yeah.
You look like an official idiot.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Official idiot.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Peanuts.
popcorn.
Cold water.
Peanuts.
how does a human look like Peanuts.
how does a human look like such a dope? how does a human look like such a dope? [ laughter .]
Such a dope? [ laughter .]
peanuts? [ laughter .]
peanuts? yeah.
What do you need? peanuts? yeah.
What do you need? how much? yeah.
What do you need? how much? the peanuts are $3.
25.
how much? the peanuts are $3.
25.
okay.
the peanuts are $3.
25.
okay.
Remember, you don't have change.
okay.
Remember, you don't have change.
The money they give you, you Remember, you don't have change.
The money they give you, you keep, no matter what.
The money they give you, you keep, no matter what.
I have a $5.
I'll do that.
Keep, no matter what.
I have a $5.
I'll do that.
guys, do you need a -- I have a $5.
I'll do that.
guys, do you need a -- yeah, let me see -- guys, do you need a -- yeah, let me see -- oh, the race is on.
Yeah, let me see -- oh, the race is on.
oh, the race is starting.
oh, the race is on.
oh, the race is starting.
walk away! Walk away! guys, p-peanuts, popcorn, Soda! Peanuts! Peanuts, popcorn, soda! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Sir [ laughter .]
What's that? you didn't give me any Change.
that was a tip, no? tip for what?! for -- ohhhh! tell you what -- I'll take the two bags, and I'll give you tell you what -- I'll take the two bags, and I'll give you whatever -- whatever -- The two bags, and I'll give you whatever -- whatever -- that's your tip.
Whatever -- whatever -- that's your tip.
well -- That's your tip.
well -- I got another tip for you -- well -- I got another tip for you -- find another job.
I got another tip for you -- find another job.
[ laughter .]
Find another job.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
I like the cut of this guy's [bleep.]
I like the cut of this guy's jib, joe.
I like the cut of this guy's jib, joe.
"tip for what?" Jib, joe.
"tip for what?" "what did you do? "tip for what?" "what did you do? You didn't do anything?" "what did you do? You didn't do anything?" sir, do you need, uh, uh, You didn't do anything?" sir, do you need, uh, uh, cold water, popcorn, peanuts? The peanuts -- they are $3.
25.
You got out of a $10.
oh, a $10! You got out of a $10.
oh, a $10! a $10! oh, a $10! a $10! that means $6.
75 is due to a $10! that means $6.
75 is due to this gentleman.
that means $6.
75 is due to this gentleman.
so, just the peanuts? This gentleman.
so, just the peanuts? You don't want anything else? so, just the peanuts? You don't want anything else? no.
No.
You don't want anything else? no.
No.
okay.
Great.
no.
No.
okay.
Great.
Thank you so much.
okay.
Great.
Thank you so much.
You guys need any, uh -- you Thank you so much.
You guys need any, uh -- you guys need any popcorn, peanuts, You guys need any, uh -- you guys need any popcorn, peanuts, water? I'm sorry? Yeah.
You got the peanuts, right? Great.
Yeah.
We got them right around The bends.
[ laughter .]
Uh Well, uh, for the pea-- uh, oh.
yes, there is something wrong with him, sir.
Look at him! With him, sir.
Look at him! I gave you $10.
Look at him! I gave you $10.
okay.
Yes, sir.
I gave you $10.
okay.
Yes, sir.
so I'm owed change, right? okay.
Yes, sir.
so I'm owed change, right? $6.
50 change.
so I'm owed change, right? $6.
50 change.
no, no, no.
$6.
50 change.
no, no, no.
You got to top and go right no, no, no.
You got to top and go right around and [muttering.]
You got to top and go right around and [muttering.]
huh? Around and [muttering.]
huh? [ laughter .]
huh? [ laughter .]
ice-cold water, popcorn, [ laughter .]
ice-cold water, popcorn, peanuts.
Popcorn is $2.
25, ma'am.
$2.
oh, there's $2.
$2.
oh, there's $2.
Oh, she's got precise change! oh, there's $2.
Oh, she's got precise change! Look at that! Oh, she's got precise change! Look at that! he's watching him collect Look at that! he's watching him collect change! he's watching him collect change! here you go, hon.
Change! here you go, hon.
Take care.
Enjoy the race.
here you go, hon.
Take care.
Enjoy the race.
is he tracking you down? Take care.
Enjoy the race.
is he tracking you down? uh-oh! He's mobile! is he tracking you down? uh-oh! He's mobile! there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
there he goes.
murr, you better look out.
He's mobile.
murr, you better look out.
He's mobile.
what? He's mobile.
what? Oh, god.
Anybody need ice-cold popcorn, some peanuts? Guys, you need some ice-cold Some peanuts? Guys, you need some ice-cold water? Guys, you need some ice-cold water? lose him! Lose him! Water? lose him! Lose him! oh, god! Oh, god! lose him! Lose him! oh, god! Oh, god! holy [bleep.]
oh, god! Oh, god! holy [bleep.]
serpentine, murray! holy [bleep.]
serpentine, murray! Serpentine! serpentine, murray! Serpentine! [bleep.]
getting real, man.
Serpentine! [bleep.]
getting real, man.
Anybody -- excuse me.
[bleep.]
getting real, man.
Anybody -- excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Anybody -- excuse me.
I'm sorry.
and the blue shirt's coming I'm sorry.
and the blue shirt's coming around the outside.
and the blue shirt's coming around the outside.
[ laughter .]
Around the outside.
[ laughter .]
no-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
no-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
No-change vendor up the middle.
[ laughter .]
guys, what do I do? [ laughter .]
guys, what do I do? you get punished.
guys, what do I do? you get punished.
what do I do? you get punished.
what do I do? He's gonna catch me! what do I do? He's gonna catch me! [ laughs .]
He's gonna catch me! [ laughs .]
water, some peanuts? [ laughs .]
water, some peanuts? Guys? water, some peanuts? Guys? ah, you lost him.
Guys? ah, you lost him.
This guy's giving up for right ah, you lost him.
This guy's giving up for right now.
This guy's giving up for right now.
can we get a water, please? Now.
can we get a water, please? a bottle of water? Sure.
can we get a water, please? a bottle of water? Sure.
What do you have? a bottle of water? Sure.
What do you have? You have a $5.
What do you have? You have a $5.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so You have a $5.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
The water is $2.
25, so okay.
Thank you.
thank you.
okay.
Thank you.
thank you.
Does anybody need any water -- thank you.
Does anybody need any water -- ice-cold water? Does anybody need any water -- ice-cold water? can I have Ice-cold water? can I have [ laughter .]
can I have [ laughter .]
can I get my change? [ laughter .]
can I get my change? huh? Can I get my change? huh? can I get my change? huh? can I get my change? I thought that was for the -- can I get my change? I thought that was for the -- uh, you got, uh, what, the water I thought that was for the -- uh, you got, uh, what, the water and the Uh, you got, uh, what, the water and the just this.
Just the water.
And the just this.
Just the water.
yes.
That was $2.
just this.
Just the water.
yes.
That was $2.
right.
5 minus 2 yes.
That was $2.
right.
5 minus 2 that was the, uh -- right.
5 minus 2 that was the, uh -- that's $3! that was the, uh -- that's $3! right! $3 we get back.
that's $3! right! $3 we get back.
no, no.
right! $3 we get back.
no, no.
The water's $2, not $3.
no, no.
The water's $2, not $3.
right.
The water's $2, not $3.
right.
she gets $3 back.
right.
she gets $3 back.
he doesn't know what to do! she gets $3 back.
he doesn't know what to do! He's trapped! excuse me, hon.
I'm sorry? How do you mean? Give the lady her change.
ohhhhh! yes! it was a tip she tipped.
She tipped me.
she's waiting for her change.
I, uh this guy's back for his change! [ laughter .]
Change! [ laughter .]
now he's in a rock and a hard [ laughter .]
now he's in a rock and a hard place! Now he's in a rock and a hard place! who do I owe change? Place! who do I owe change? me! who do I owe change? me! you do? me! you do? yeah! you do? yeah! you tipped me.
yeah! you tipped me.
I did not.
you tipped me.
I did not.
why? I did not.
why? why? why? why? I feel like things are why? I feel like things are getting intense down here.
I feel like things are getting intense down here.
Do I owe you change? No.
[ laughter .]
so, him not owing him change Made sense for everybody.
[ laughter .]
you guys need any popcorn? [ laughter .]
you guys need any popcorn? [ laughter .]
who's this guy? [ laughter .]
who's this guy? it's her husband.
who's this guy? it's her husband.
guys, you need any cold it's her husband.
guys, you need any cold beverages? guys, you need any cold beverages? No? Beverages? No? now they got a whole gang No? now they got a whole gang after 'em! now they got a whole gang after 'em! popcorn, peanuts? After 'em! popcorn, peanuts? look! popcorn, peanuts? look! They're all trailing him! look! They're all trailing him! she got her husband, and the They're all trailing him! she got her husband, and the whole family's walking toward she got her husband, and the whole family's walking toward you! Whole family's walking toward you! [ laughter .]
You! [ laughter .]
anybody need anything? [ laughter .]
anybody need anything? Go, go, go, go, go! anybody need anything? Go, go, go, go, go! Step on it! Step on it! Go! Go! Get me the [bleep.]
out of here! [ laughter .]
murr! Aaah! she's running! She's running! Go! Go! Tell him to gun it! go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go! That way! Get me the [bleep.]
out of here! murray got away! wow!