In Living Color (1990) s04e23 Episode Script

- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color Let's take a trip and sip on a dream Glide with the guide on a funky scene Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, go [Fanfare.]
Black innovators have often failed to get the credit they deserve.
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for their brilliant work in creating the society we live in today.
[Jazz.]
[Man Narrating.]
In July of 1923,Homer Mix.
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.
"Ho"for short.
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while enjoying himself at a local dance,made a trendsetting discovery.
- You clumsy ox! - Hey, I'm sorry.
- [Stops.]
- [All.]
Ho! - Sorry.
- [Resumes.]
- [Stops.]
- Ho! - Hey, I'm sorry.
Chips! - [Scratching.]
Chips.
[Scratches.]
[Narrator.]
It was at that momentthat Homer realized he was on to something.
[Scratching.]
- [Jazz.]
- [Scratching.]
- Everybody, say, Ho! - Ho! - Say, Ho, Ho! - Ho, Ho! - Say, Ho, Ho, Ho! - Ho, Ho, Ho! - Everybody, scream! - [Screaming.]
[Narrator.]
So today we salute Homer Mix,the inventor of scratching.
I'm David Alan Grier, and this has been a Great Moment in Black History.
[Fanfare.]
Hi.
I'm Faye Griffin, reporting live outside the Piggly Wiggly.
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where Reverend Al Sharpton is entering his third hour of a hunger strike.
Yes.
JesseJackson is not the only political figure.
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who can participate in a hunger strike and get his face on the news.
I have chained myself to this railing.
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and will not eat until black "aminals" get the respect that they are due.
Black animals? Isn't your strike in support of Reverend Jackson's hunger strike? [Gurgles.]
No, I'm striking for something much more important.
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the representation of black animals on film and television.
Now, have you ever noticed, black dogs don't get to do Chuckwagon commercials? Why? 'Cause they're black! Black birds, black cats, even black "willow" spiders.
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always depicted as vicious, attacking creatures.
And it's a shame what they did to my brother Big Bird.
Are you saying that Big Bird is black? Oh, most definitely.
He's octoroon, high yellow, passing.
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and that still counts! Oh, see? L-I can resist.
Yes, Al Sharpton has agreed to stay away from the feed.
There you have it.
Al Sharpton will continue his hunger strike.
- I'm reporting.
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.
- See.
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we must take whatever steps are necessary.
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.
- to stand together in solidarity.
- Right.
You cannot divorce the deviled egg from the chicken.
You cannot stir buttered grits without a spoon.
- You cannot eat greens unless they collard.
- That's right.
That is why I stand strong.
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in this my third hour of hunger strike.
- What is he talkin' about, girl? - I don't know, but he makin' me hungry.
That's right, my brother.
Stand on common ground.
Speakin' of ground beef.
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if y'all will take a look over there.
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you, uh, will see.
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that, uh, the pork chops are not quite tender.
Now, if y'all will turn and face that way.
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uh, you will see that the sourdough bread.
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need just a little bit more butter.
Now, what we need to do is cover our eyes.
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and.
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.
[Grunts.]
Ooh! Support black animals.
Al Sharpton seems to be standing strong.
- Reporting live from the Piggly Wiggly.
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- Hey! That's my doughnut! Oh, I thought you on a hunger strike.
Al Sharpton's cheating! - [Reporter.]
What are you doin'? - I have been falsely accused! - What you see is a setup manipulated by my adversaries.
- What adversaries? In the words of our esteemed and "conspiracized" hero, Mike Tyson.
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[High-pitched.]
"All these charges are 'ludicrisp.
"' Uh, Reverend Al, there seems to be some cream on your mouth.
- Did I get it? - No, it's on the other side.
- Hey! - He cheated, man! - [Crowd Shouting.]
- Well, that's the story here.
The hunger strike continues for some and not for others.
Call the newspapers.
I have a statement to make! Desiree lied! Free Mike Tyson! Uh, speakin' ofTyson chicken, uh.
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I'm FayeJackson, signing off.
You heard it first.
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Channel 11 Fox News.
It is a day of.
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.
[Man.]
Okay.
Roll the drums.
- [Reggae.]
- [Man Singing.]
[Ends.]
[Man.]
The following isa public service announcement.
This is what a man with a full head of healthy, natural hair looks like.
Full, thick.
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flowing, perfect.
Now, this is what you look like.
[Chattering.]
Full head of hair.
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.
You.
[Whirring.]
Reality check.
No one thinks you have hair.
[Laughing.]
For God's sake, stop it.
[Man.]
This has been a public serviceannouncement for your own good.
[Man.]
This week, In Living Color asks the question.
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what if Archie Bunkerwere black? Hey, Edith! Edith, get out here, will ya? Oh, Archie, you're home! - How was your day? - It sucked.
Munson was dissing me all day there.
- He's lucky I didn't whack him.
- Oh! Edith, where's my eight ball? I don't see a malt liquor in your hand there.
Don't you remember, Archie? They burned down the liquor stores during the riots.
Will you stifle yourself? That was a civil unrest, and don't you forget it! - What's for dinner? - Oh, your favorite, Archie.
Macaroni and the government cheese.
Geez, Edith.
You know what the government cheese does to me.
I spend more time on the throne than Queen Latifah there! Say, where's Gloria and the Ham-hock-head? Oh, they're out volunteering at the Rainbow Coalition.
Aw, geez.
The Rainbow Coalition.
What's Jackson doin' cavorting with them blue-eyed devils? Why can't he be more like your Louis "Fairycan"? Oh, that's Farrakhan, Archie.
Whatever! By the way, Edith, what up with the hair? Oh, it's my new braids, Archie.
How do you like it? Oh, geez.
I'm married to the African dingbat over here.
Oh, you're upset, Archie.
Why don't you sit down? - I will, Edith, just as soon as you answer me one question.
- Anything, Archie.
Where the hell's my chair? Oh, I forgot to tell you.
They repossessed it today.
- Repossessed? By who? - Who else? The white man.
Those honky bastards! Those mayonnaise monkeys! Those Volvo jockeys! Don't be prejudiced, Archie.
They're people, just like us.
In fact, two white people just moved in next door.
Oh, geez.
There goes the hood.
[Hip-hop.]
[Men Singing.]
[Ends.]
Am I crazy, or is that.
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.
Oh, my God.
It is! It's Mr.
Rogers! Come on.
Let's go introduce ourselves.
- I don't know.
- Oh, come on.
Excuse me.
You're Mr.
Rogers, right? Why, yes, I am.
Hello, neighbor.
Hi! Oh, my gosh.
I don't know what to say.
L-l-l.
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I grew up watching you.
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and-and I just really think you have made such a wonderful contribution.
It's just so nice to meet you.
I'm glad to meet you too.
To see that I've helped shape little girls into women like you.
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just gives me such a warm feeling in my heart.
And my shorts are on fire.
What.
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.
What was that? What I mean to say was.
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Iookin' at those beautiful hooters makes me want to stick my face in there and go.
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[Raspberry.]
I don't believe it! What are you, some kind of pervert? Can you say, "Spank me like a bad puppy"? - No, but I can say police.
Come on, Gayle.
- [Scoffs.]
Go ahead.
Tell anyone you want to.
They'll never believe ya.
I'm Mr.
Rogers.
There ya go.
[Laughing.]
Wow.
You're Mr.
Rogers.
I grew up watching you.
Well, I've been watching you too.
[Laughs.]
- Would you like to see my puppet? - Sure.
- Oh! - Oh, there he is.
He's Prince Henry.
[High-pitched.]
Oh, hi! What a pretty dress you have on.
Well, thank you, Prince Henry.
You know, in my kingdom.
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I'm the inspector of all fabrics.
[Laughs.]
Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
What a splendid garb! Oh, what do you call this? Oh, it's just a blend of.
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Hey! Prince Henry.
Let me show you how I fluff Lady Elaine's pillows.
Let me just check these out.
Lorenzo's Oil Massage.
Poundhog Day? These are porno tapes! And my little Bobby watches you every day! That's nice.
Give him this for me.
Oh! Get off of me.
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you animal! Yo.
Yo, is there a problem? - No problem.
- [Grunts.]
[Gasps.]
Man, are you crazy, man? I'm gonna call the cops, man! Hey, you just can't go around hitting people.
Oh, I'm not just hittin' people.
Watch.
[Grunting.]
- Hi there, Mr.
Bra Strap.
- [Snaps.]
What's goin' on? What's goin' on? - So, where is he at? - There he is.
That's the guy.
Oh, man.
This is fanta.
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Mr.
Rogers, man.
- You're Mr.
Rogers? - Well, thank you, Officer.
Oh, man.
This is fantastic, man.
My kids watch you every day.
You know what? I'd be a big hero if you could give me an autograph.
Oh, give me a break.
Mr.
Rogers made lewd, lewd comments to us.
Mr.
Rogers attacked me.
Mr.
Rogers kicked my ass.
I think somebody's living in the land of make-believe.
When you lie it makes me mad When you fib I just can't be glad [Groans.]
I think these youngsters could use some guidance.
All right.
Come on.
Come with me.
Embarrassing Mr.
Rogers.
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You should be ashamed of yourselves.
This man is a national treasure.
Thanks a lot.
I'll take care of it.
All right.
Everybody, into the car.
- Wait a minute.
He.
.
.
- Come on! No more of this.
Hello, hooker.
I want to go all the way around the neighborhood tonight.
Hey, are you really Mr.
Rogers? No, of course not, but, uh, the money's real.
Let's go get it on, neighbor.
What's up? What's up, everyone? I'm Jossie, coming back at you again.
This time we're here with someone who's been on the show before.
He's here again.
We all love him.
Please put your hands together for Uptown/M.
C.
A.
Recording artist.
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Heavy "D" and the Boyz, singing "Truthful.
" - Yeah! - Yeah! - A'ight, a'ight, a'ight.
- Come on, y'all.
- That's right.
Get up, y'all! - Everybody, get out of them seats.
- Come on.
Get out of them seats! - Yo, yo.
Get up now.
- Check it out, y'all.
- Just stand up out of those seats.
Throw your hands in the air like this.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on! Uh!Check it out.
Here we go.
- [Woman Singing.]
- Yeah! Check it out.
Come on, y'all.
Say what? Say what? Everybody, throw your hands in the air.
Come on.
Throw your hands in the air! - Come on! - Throw your hands in the air! - Uh! Uh! Uh! - Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
[Rapping.]
Come on.
Truthful! Come on.
Dance.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah, everybody.
Huh! - Everybody, come on.
Come on.
- [Woman Singing.]
- All the ladies, say yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah.
Come on, Heav.
One time! [Rapping.]
- Yeah.
Check it out, y'all.
- Uh.
I want everybody in the houseto check this out.
Just sway like this.
Come on, everybody.
Everybody, just sway.
- Uh, uh, uh.
- And bounce.
Just sway.
And bounce.
Come on.
Just sway.
- And bounce.
Yeah.
- Check it.
Check it out, y'all.
Check it out, y'all.
Come on, Heavy.
Yeah.
Check it.
Go, Heavy! Go, Heavy! Go, Heavy! Go, Heavy! [Woman Singing.]
Hey! [Rapping.]
- Yeah, check it out.
- One more time.
Yeah.
Bounce to the beat, y'all.
To the beat, y'all.
- Bounce to the beat, y'all.
To the beat, y'all.
- Uh.
Uh.
- Bounce to the beat, y'all.
To the beat, y'all.
- What? What? Bounce to the beat, y'all.
To the beat, y'all.
Bounce to the beat, y'all.
Yeah.