The Secret Life of the American Teenager s04e23 Episode Script
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ADRIAN: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager What is that? I thought I'd make it a theme night since we're getting married the Fourth of July.
You're going to have sex with Kathleen? She's not divorced.
You could get caught up in some legal something or other.
I promise not to be with any other man for the next week.
Week? You texted me so, uh, I hope that meant there's at least some possibility we can be friends again.
- Alice says she and I can be friends again.
- I told her to text you.
You can't say anything to Amy about this.
About what? Anne is gay.
I hope this doesn't get out.
And keep thinking about transferring to our school.
Please, you guys, I'm begging you.
Please, please, please.
If you're Amy's friends at all, please don't say anything about Amy's mother being gay.
Let's just talk about the wedding.
I only told Kathleen that I thought your mom might be gay.
Do you realize that Mom is going to come home next week and everyone is going to be talking about this? I don't know.
I feel as if people are looking at me.
They've been looking at me all week, I think.
Are people looking at me? No.
I don't think so.
And if they are looking at you, they're looking at the three of us, not just you.
Madison, why would they be looking at the three of us? They're looking at me.
They're definitely looking at me.
They can't still be talking about my mother, can they? No, I don't think so.
No, it must be something else, you know, something about you.
Oh geez, they're talking about my wedding.
Oh! Your wedding.
Of course! Yeah, that's probably it.
Just because Amy's mother's gay doesn't mean she's gay.
Wouldn't that be funny if she is, though? So it really could be true.
Amy Juergens could be gay.
No, that's not true.
They haven't identified a gay gene.
Still, I doubt youould put off marrying Ricky for another year if you weren't gay.
And the Fourth of July is such a gay day.
Fireworks.
Sparklers.
Parades.
Sounds as if you've taken a couple of stereotypical images and gone to the limit with them.
Yeah.
On the other hand, I guess it's possible.
Amy? Gay? No, she's engaged to Ricky.
She's had a baby.
She's getting married.
I kind of doubt she's gay.
Her mother had a baby, her mother was married, and apparently her mother is gay, so So what? Don't people have something better to do than talk about who's gay and who's not? You should be happy they're not talking about you anymore.
People were talking about me? Are you kidding? They think I'm gay? No, no, no, they think you're Dr.
Bowman's son from an affair he had in South Africa.
But I am.
See? Sometimes these rumors that go around are true.
That's what keeps people hooked into the gossip.
So Amy definitely could be gay.
I can't believe no matter what happens, Amy Juergens always ends up the center of attention.
Well, if you want to be the center of attention, I could start a rumor that your mom's gay.
No one would believe my mother is gay.
She's a flight attendant.
Flight attendant or not, I think everyone would remember that your mom had an affair with Amy's dad.
And? And maybe George Juergens has that effect on women.
Maybe George Juergens turns women gay.
Then I guess your mom is next.
I want my mom to be gay.
I would welcome that.
Even if she has to go out with George Juergens for a while first.
At least she'd stop getting married.
Uh-huh.
You know, the legalization of gay marriage could be just around the corner.
You could end up with two moms.
Great.
Two moms.
Better than one mom and a lying, cheating dad, or a stepdad who runs away to Africa and sends back the other dad's kid.
I doubt that would happen again.
I didn't think it could happen the first time.
Hey, hey, Amy, how are you? I'm fine.
You know, we can kill this rumor going around right now.
What rumor? It's not a rumor.
It's true.
I knew it.
What do you mean you knew it? We told you.
What does Ricky think? He's happy about it.
Yeah.
So it'll be the three of you? Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I'd be happy about it.
It's It's kind of, you know, unconventional.
I thought you thought it was unromantic.
I don't know, I guess it could be very romantic.
As long as Ricky's going along with it.
Well, yeah, of course he's okay with it.
Hey, I'm not surprised, I mean, he's Ricky.
Yeah, um, Ethan, I really have to go.
I don't have time for you right now.
I'm sorry.
No, completely understandable.
You're a very busy lady.
I don't think anyone knew how busy.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love + Well, It's a Private school, and you right, it's a very good school, But then again, this is a very good school.
Ben, you'd be going to a new school your senior year.
You really want to do that? What if you and Dylan break up? We're not going to break up.
We're in love.
I can get you an application going to be the one I'm not to approach your father I'm not supportive.
You don't have to be supportive.
He has to be supportive.
He's got to pay the tuition.
He even has to pay for you to apply there.
And I think it's about $1,200.
Really? Really.
(SIGHS) What's he doing in there, anyway? What do you think he's doing? He's trying to transfer.
He's not going to transfer.
No.
He is.
If he gets accepted, he is.
But we're all friends again, the three of us.
It's the three of us against the world.
The three of us plus one.
Dylan.
And it's the two of us against the two of them, which really isn't a friendship, or not the friendship we had, anyway.
But you and I are friends.
And I'm really happy about that.
Me too, Alice.
You know what I was thinking, I mean, it's not the ideal, but you and I could be friends with benefits.
No.
No, no, no.
We are not going to go there.
We've been there.
But we're just friends now.
Oh, we're still going to be friends.
I can't.
You can if you want.
That's what I'm saying.
Don't make me hurt your feelings, Alice.
You're not going to hurt my feelings.
Good.
Because I can't.
You can.
I don't think the two of us should do that with each other.
How about with someone else? What if there's someone else that I want to have sex with? You mean like another girl? What! No! Just because Amy's in school is gay.
every girl No, but it certainly explains a lot.
I would never have sex with a girl.
They're dramatic, they're fickle, they're emotional, and it would be like having sex with myself.
I just don't get it.
See, this is what I like about our being friends.
I like hearing your thoughts about not having sex with women.
This is a very stimulating conversation.
Shut up, Hank.
So you're not going out with Jack tonight? No.
I told him I don't even want to be friends.
He just wants to have wanted.
at's all he's ever I think he wants more than that.
I think he wants a relationship.
Yeah.
Well, I thought I did, too, but it's just too much trouble to be in a relationship with a guy at this age.
What about a girl at this age? (SCOFFS) I am not interested in having a relationship with a woman, especially not a sexual relationship.
And before you say anything, I have nothing against lesbians or gays or bis or trans or anyone questioning what they are.
I just know what I am.
And I know I am not interested in women.
What? Are you thinking about having sex with a woman? Well, I can't say I've never thought about having sex with a woman.
I've thought about kissing a woman, anyway.
Who? I don't know.
Not me? You? No! Of course not you.
Why not me? I've thought about kissing you! (STAMMERING) Oh, my God, I did not say that.
I did not mean that.
I have never thought about kissing you or having sex with you.
All these rumors about Amy They're really confusing and upsetting.
I can't think straight.
I did not mean "straight" straight.
I have to go.
(LAUGHS) Hi.
Hi.
I left my stupid keys in my locker.
I have to pick up John from the nursery and then go home to study for my history final.
I'm not working today.
Are you just in a hurry to get home because of all the talk at school? No, I don't care what people think about my wedding.
I don't know why everyone is so weirded out by me and Ricky getting married on the Fourth of July.
I don't know, but you have heard the rumors going around school? No, but I know that everyone is talking about my wedding plans.
They were talking about your wedding plans and then they were talking about your mother.
Oh, please.
That was ridiculous.
My father told Grace's mother that he thinks my mother is gay just so the two of them wouldn't feel guilty about seeing each other.
Oh.
I didn't know they were seeing each other.
I hope no one knows because my mother is not going to be too happy about it, especially if she hears it from someone else.
You know how she is.
She hates getting information after everyone else has it.
Yeah, which is why I thought I might mention this to you.
Ben, my mother is not gay, okay? Everyone knows that she's not gay, and even if she is gay, who cares? I don't care.
I would hope that she's not because obviously that would simplify my life if her and my dad eventually got back together but hey, whatever.
So it was only a rumor.
But now that rumor has taken a turn in your direction.
What? What do you mean? Oh, wait.
Are people actually talking about my mother coming to my wedding with another woman or something? They're talking about you coming to your wedding with another woman or something.
People are saying that you're gay because, well, your mother is gay.
(LAUGHS) No, they're not.
No, they are.
Here (SIGHS) Yeah, sorry to be the one to tell you.
Wait, if people think I'm gay because my mother is gay, which she's not, then people must think that Ricky is gay because his mother is gay.
No, not necessarily.
Are you sure? I mean, maybe that's why everyone thinks the Fourth of July wedding is so insane, because we're both gay.
No.
Not both.
Just you.
+ What's up? Going out with Dylan? Not tonight.
Tonight I've got to study, got that history final coming up and I'm hoping to ace it, go out with a bang.
Summer school is almost over.
And you know, this time next year, I'll be getting ready to go off to college.
You hope.
Yeah, I do hope.
I'm going to do everything I can to get into the best school possible.
What schools are you going to go for? Funny you should ask that.
I was just talking to the counselor today about what colleges would be best for me, and I was slightly disappointed at the colleges she was recommending.
Really? But your grades are good and your SATs were good and you still got time to take those again.
Yeah, it's just that, well Our high school is rated very highly academically, but it just doesn't have that sparkle that some of the private schools have.
Let me guess.
Like Dylan's school.
Please, Dad, please.
Just let me transfer.
Look, I know it's a lot of money, it's $32,000, but (LAUGHS) Thirty-two grand? Are you kidding me? You have the money and what's more important than investing in your child's education? Do you have any idea how much I pay in taxes? I pay well beyond 50% of my income in taxes! And I don't try to avoid it.
I can pay, I pay, and a large percentage of what I pay goes for public education.
I am not going to pay 32 grand on top of what I pay in taxes just so you can go make out with your girlfriend your senior year.
Because I know you're not that interested in academics.
You're going to finish at the school where you started.
Just keep an open mind about it.
I don't have an open mind about this.
They have uniforms.
You know how much I could save on clothes by wearing a uniform every day? What kind of an argument is that? They got uniforms in prison, too.
You want to go to prison? You know how much money that would save me? Thirty-two grand a year, to start with? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Dad, Dad, come on, just consider it, please? No.
Okay, well, I've planted the seed and now I'll just let it grow.
Get out of here.
Okay, okay.
Good night.
Thirty-two grand.
Ha.
Well, all the other girls are getting bunk beds.
But you don't have a roommate.
Leo got you a private dorm room, so you're not restricted to a bunk bed.
Betty, we could do something that makes this more of a gathering place.
Like an antique recamier with a tufted back and a couple of Napoleon chairs, but with a bold fabric.
Then we'll mix in some Lucite tables in the French style to get some modern pieces.
Leo says there's no budget on this one.
Do whatever you want.
Yeah, that's because he's feeling guilty about thinking about having a kid with Camille.
He says he doesn't want one but since he gives me everything that I want I bet you he does the same for her.
They can borrow any one of my five children any time they feel the want.
Oh, dear.
.
Speaking of which, we need to hurry this up.
I've got a teacher-parent meeting and homework and on top of that, Anne is coming back late tonight or tomorrow morning and I've got a ton of business to go over with her and I wasn't expecting her back.
Is she coming back early because Amy is gay? Amy Juergens is gay? Yeah, but she's getting married to Ricky on the Fourth of July.
Oh, good choice.
It's my favorite holiday.
But are you sure about this, Betty? Oh, yeah.
I heard it from the kids at school, they text me all the time.
And you know what? It makes sense since her mother is gay.
Her mother-in-law.
Nora.
No, her mother.
Anne.
Anne is gay.
Oh.
Have you ever thought about being gay? Hello.
Oh, no, I thought you two were going out for the night.
No, you didn't.
Hey, Adrian.
Omar.
I didn't know you two were seeing each other again.
I didn't either.
(LAUGHS) It's not going to prove anything.
What does that mean? This is "not going to prove anything.
" Oh, I don't know.
I told her I missed you.
And this proves it, if you ask me.
I was surprised to hear from you.
Really? Yeah.
I don't like her using him.
I don't know if she's using him or if he's using her.
How would he be using her? I think he's seeing Raven again, but Raven is still seeing other guys, so So he's seeing Grace.
Don't say anything.
That's their business.
And besides, isn't she still seeing Jack? No, she's not seeing Jack.
She's angry with Jack because Jack can't tell her that he's absolutely certain he would marry her.
Well, at this point, maybe Jack should know that.
I mean, I know that about you.
You want to go in my bedroom? I just got here.
Let me catch my breath.
I think we should do it.
I think we've waited long enough.
Slow down, Grace, what's your hurry? You don't want to have sex with me? I think you know that I'm really only comfortable with sex when it's within an exclusive relationship.
Well, I can give you that.
Well, I can't exactly give you that right now.
I've been out a couple of times with Raven.
Okay, well just don't go out with her again.
It's not really that simple.
It is! It is that simple! Grace, you cheated on me.
I really liked you, no, I was even in love with you, and you cheated on me.
It seems to me you're more than a little fickle, so excuse me if I don't just jump back into bed with you.
You're just scared Raven won't go out with you anymore.
Yeah.
Fine.
Just go home.
(SCOFFS) Well, all right.
I'm sorry I didn't fit into whatever little scheme you have going on here.
Me too.
Good night.
Good night.
Ugh! I hate men! No! I didn't mean that.
What I meant was Never mind, if you're listening.
What is going on with her? She's all paranoid.
We were talking about whether or not Amy Juergens is gay, which I think she is, and I said I can't deny that I've thought about kissing a girl and Grace said she's attracted to me.
And ever since then, she's been trying to take it back.
Want to call her in here? (LAUGHS) I'm just kidding.
I'm not into that.
But I can't deny I've thought about it.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Just because you think about doing something doesn't mean you'd actually do it.
Or that you really want to do it.
It just means you're thinking about it or you thought about it.
It means nothing.
Are you trying to convince me or yourself of that? You.
Are you kidding me? What? What's going on? Guys, can you please stop? I'm trying to study.
Is that bothering you? It's not bothering you? It's probably bothering the whole neighborhood! Yeah, but how else is he going to learn? Well, he doesn't have to learn tonight! Tonight I have to study for a test.
Come on, he'll be in bed in another 20 minutes.
I can't take another 20 minutes of that.
I can't take another two minutes.
Why are you in such a bad mood? Something happen at school today? Yeah, something always happens at school.
That's why I want to pass this test, get through my senior year and get the hell out of school.
Wow.
"Get the hell out"? Must have been a big something.
You know, don't you? I suspected all along.
Otherwise, you'd marry me right away.
You know what? That's not funny.
I can't believe people think I'm gay.
Oh, come on, laugh it off.
It's ridiculous.
You're not gay just because your mother is gay.
I'm not gay.
No one thinks you're gay.
That's why you can laugh about it.
And my mother is not gay.
Maybe we should move the wedding up.
What's another gay day to get married? What? Yeah, people think that the Fourth of July is some kind of high holy day for gay marriage.
Since when? Since you set the date, I guess.
Okay, that's not funny either.
None of this is funny.
It's all funny.
(JOHN PLAYING DRUMS) Come on, buddy, jam session's over.
I am not gay.
I am deeply heterosexual.
Gay.
Must be going around gaycare.
I mean, daycare.
(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) + (SIGHS) I wonder how long it's gonna take them to get through customs.
You think they got stuck in customs? I don't know.
Depends on how much stuff they bought.
Oh, but I think they'll just let us know when they land.
They haven't even landed yet.
By the way, I got all my stuff out of Ashley's room.
You didn't have to do that.
She'll be out of here in a week.
You can keep the room.
Yeah, we'll see.
Oh, and I put fresh sheets on Amy's bed so you can sleep in there.
You let Anne have your room tonight.
They've been traveling all day.
They're going to be tired.
Yeah, yeah, or I can sleep on the couch and you can have Amy's room.
You don't think they heard that, you know That Amy is gay? Amy? You mean Anne, don't you? Nope, I mean Amy, that's the latest.
But Amy's getting married.
On a gay holiday and her mother is gay.
Yay! Oh! You lose.
So, wait, you're saying you know Anne's gay? No, I'm not saying that.
She better be gay or I'm up the creek without a paddle.
Are you going to tell her about Kathleen? You mean that I told Kathleen that she's gay? No, I meant are you going to tell Anne that you're seeing Kathleen and that you told her she's gay.
Nah, she'll have enough to worry about when she finds out Amy is gay.
Wait.
Did you say the Fourth of July is a gay holiday? Well, it wasn't.
But apparently someone at the high school started that rumor and now it is.
Teenagers.
What's gay about the Fourth of July? Hot dogs? I don't know.
I have never heard that one before.
Um, could it be volleyball? Uncle Sam? Uncle Sam is not gay.
Plenty flamboyant clothing he's wearing there.
And hey, what does gay look like? (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Like that.
Ashley's gay friend.
Hey, long time, no see.
How you doing? Come on in.
Griffin, Nora.
Nora, Griffin.
You're both gay, just so you both know.
Well, I never had any doubts about me, anyway, but I don't usually introduce myself starting with my sexual identity.
Ignore him.
He's just ignorant.
Nice to meet you.
You want to play cards? Do gay men play poker? Do straight men pee in the woods? What? Funny.
I like you.
Deal me in.
What does that mean? It means gay men do everything straight men do except sleep with women.
And sometimes we do that too, now that I think about it.
I am so happy to have some relief here.
I can't even tell you.
I just thought I'd stop by, say hello.
Wait for Ashley to get home? Ashley's coming home? Tonight? If you didn't know she's coming home, why'd you stop by to say hello? Oh, let me guess.
Because Amy's gay? You thought George might need some help with that? Amy's gay? Yeah, I might have heard that.
In addition to mentioning that I'm gay in his introduction, maybe George should have mentioned that I am Ricky's mom and I'm going to be Amy's mother-in-law, because Amy is not gay.
So it's just Anne? How did you know about that? I'll tell you how, because some bigmouth said something about it to someone and she said something about it to her daughter and so on and so forth.
You think Anne knows? That she's gay? That people are saying that she's gay.
Not people! Your people! Your girlfriend! And Anne's not going to be too happy about that.
Bet on it.
You have a girlfriend? I might.
I'm surprised any woman would go out with you at this point.
What point? Oh, you've been hit, too.
Hit? By the rumors.
Oh, I can't wait.
What is it? What is it? Oh, you'll like this.
Apparently, you turn women gay.
No, I don't! Oh! (LAUGHS) I don't.
There's no turning.
You are or you aren't or you're figuring it out or emerging or evolving or whatever.
You've been reading again, haven't you? Just deal.
(SIGHS) (RINGING) Hi, Mom.
Mmm.
Hey, I made your favorite cake tonight.
I thought you said you might drop by.
(SIGHS) I wish I had.
Well, it's not too late.
No, it is.
Are you okay? Mom, do we have any Gay genes? I don't know, what kind of jeans are gay jeans? Are there gay jeans? I don't know, aren't there? That's what I've heard.
Honey, I don't think a pair of jeans can make you gay.
Unless they're really, really tight.
(CHUCKLES) That was a joke.
No, I mean like genes as in genetics.
Yes, I realize that now.
Are you asking because kids at school are saying Amy is gay or because I told you that Anne is gay? How do you know that kids at school are saying that Amy is gay? Because now I have a kid in the house who tells me things.
Fine.
Go talk to him, then.
No, honey, talk to me, what's going on? Nothing.
Really, Grace, come over.
I've eaten half the cake waiting for George to call to let me know if I'm off the hook, if we are off the hook, the two of us, you and me.
For what? He's the one who opened his big mouth and told us his ex-wife was gay.
It's not like we just made it up.
Yeah, well, I never should have told you.
I mean, if I have any hope of having a good relationship with George, I'm going to have to get along with Anne.
Well, you don't have to get along with her too well.
What? What do you mean? You don't have to sleep with her.
Of course not! You don't have to sleep with him, either.
Honey, who said anything about sleeping with either one of them? I'm still married and I'm not having sex with George, although, at some point, I might.
Do you want to tell me what's going on? You know I'll find out anyway.
Hi, Grace.
Hi.
Omar went home 20 minutes ago.
Yeah, well, so what? So, it's just you and me here.
Oh, and I just got out of the shower.
I am not attracted to you.
Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not! It's okay.
It's not okay.
I am not gay.
You may not be, but I think you're afraid you're gay.
No, I'm not.
You know why? Because I'm just not.
Just because you've thought about kissing me, that doesn't mean you're gay.
Look, I just said the wrong thing, all right? All right, all right.
I'm just gonna sit over here and study.
You know, you should study, too.
We have that history final.
We've been studying for that for weeks, and if I wanted to study for it, I would just study in my room.
Would you stop being ridiculous? Nothing has changed.
We're just two girls sharing an apartment for the summer and studying for a history exam.
Okay, come on.
We gotta get things back to normal here.
It's too weird and it's all my fault.
I promise I'll stop teasing you.
It's me, Grace.
Your best friend.
We should be able to talk to each other about anything, tease each other about anything.
And I see that we can't and I've made you uncomfortable.
I apologize.
Okay, well, I just want things to go back to normal.
(SIGHS) Sorry.
No problem.
I can't believe I said that.
Forget about it.
It didn't mean anything.
I know, but still Hey.
I said I've thought about kissing a girl.
Doesn't make me gay.
Yeah, but you didn't say who.
Angelina Jolie.
(CHUCKLING) What? I don't know, she's really pretty.
And I've honestly thought about it.
But you wouldn't like actually kiss her if you had the chance.
Uh, I might, yeah.
Have you ever kissed a girl before? No.
Honestly, I never even thought about it until I heard that Katy Perry song, she kissed a girl and liked it.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It just made me curious.
Or, I was curious anyway and then I felt free to say I was curious.
Kiss me.
What? Yeah.
You're curious.
I'm curious.
Kiss me.
All right.
(GASPS) I have never gotten any complaints from any guys.
(CLEARS THROAT) + I don't know, the tuition's a little steep.
Just fill out the application and worry about the tuition later.
It's $1,200 to apply.
I need money from him right now.
You have a credit card? Put it on your credit card.
You can put it on my credit card if you want.
I believe in you, Ben.
And I would love to have you at my school next year.
Wouldn't it bebe great? The two of us at the same high school? I really want to do this.
Please do this.
Maybe we should just think about going to the same college.
I'm only going to be a junior next year, so that would be two years from now.
I don't want to wait two years to be at the same school.
Yeah, two years is a long time, you're right.
I'll charge it.
I mean, a $1,200 charge will go through on my card and then my dad can just clobber me later.
I mean, what's the point about arguing about tuition if I don't even get in? Right.
What's going on? What's the emergency? Are you all right? Why añe you dying? From what? You look okay to me.
Jack, where have you been? Isn't it obvious I was at football practice? I just got suited up and I went to put my phone in my locker and I saw I had 27 messages.
What are you doing here? Why are you in the guest house? Because as of right now, I live in the guest house.
Did you and Adrian get in a fight or something? Or something.
Grace, this better be important or I am in big trouble.
This isn't a high school team I'm on anymore.
It's college.
I could get kicked off for not showing up on the field.
Just tell me what's going on so I can get back before anyone notices.
I kissed Adrian.
Really? Say that again.
Well, I didn't kiss her.
She kissed me.
I asked her to kiss me.
Really? Yeah, and I don't really know why I did that.
Yeah, I don't know why you did either, but I'm glad you did.
Why? I don't know.
I just am.
Where were you? I'm not going to give you all the details.
Then why'd I come over here? Because I need you to kiss me.
Yeah, sure.
I'll kiss you.
And I need you to be my boyfriend and have sex with me.
Lots and lots and lots of sex, okay? Day and night, around the clock, 24-7.
Oral sex, sex sex, any kind of sex, all kinds of sex.
I need that.
With you.
Okay, this was totally worth leaving practice for.
And you have no idea why Grace would move home in the middle of the night? No.
What could have happened? Maybe she and Adrian got into it.
I don't think it has anything to do with Adrian.
I think it has to do with Jack.
His car is outside.
You're kidding.
No, I'm not kidding.
Maybe he and I can move back in the guest house.
I have a feeling if Jack moves back into the guest house, it'll be with Grace.
Oh no, he is not moving into the guest house with Grace.
I second that.
I'll find out what's going on.
I'll let you know.
Thank you.
What is wrong with you? Brothers do not rat out sisters.
I'm protecting Grace.
From what? I don't really know.
That's just what your mother said.
You can't listen to her.
Mothers will tell you anything to get information.
That's ridiculous.
My mother and I have a very open relationship.
We tell each other everything.
Why wouldn't I tell your mother everything? Because this is America.
Everyone lies to their mother.
They do not.
Do they? Yes.
Well, she's not my mother.
Your father is my father but your mother is not my mother.
I have a very bad temper, you know.
(SIGHS) Mom and Ashley got stuck in Amsterdam.
They're still not home yet.
Are you going to leave school when they get home? No, I'm not going to school.
I'm not going to have people guessing whether or not I'm gay.
They're going to do that whether or not you're at school.
Amy, you have to go to school.
This is ridiculous.
Is it? Would you go to school if people were pointing at you and whispering behind your back trying to figure out if you're gay? First of all, there is nothing wrong with being gay.
Except that I'm not.
Secondly, don't get all upset and nervous because a bunch of idiots are texting.
Well, I don't like it, okay? I just don't like it.
I'm gonna go over to my dad's house and wait for my mom and Ashley to get there.
Griffin is over there, you know, he spent the night.
Griffin? What is Griffin doing there? Oh, no.
He, uh, heard the rumors.
I think he went over to talk to your dad, see how your dad was, see if he could offer some support.
Because I'm gay? (LAUGHS) Are you? That does it.
I am going to school.
You have a history final.
You have to go to school.
I am.
And I'm going to tell everyone I am not gay.
People are probably going to be talking about something entirely different today.
It's high school.
That's how high school is.
You know that.
So don't do anything stupid.
(SIGHS) I forgot John.
(SIGHS) Bonjour! Hi, George.
It's good to be home.
Let me get that for you.
Hey, sugarplum, how was France? Fine.
Oh, don't tell me all I'm going to get is "fine.
" She needs some sleep.
We both need sleep.
First I wanna go check on Robie.
Is that lady still in my room? Nora? No, I had her take everything out.
It's all yours, as long as you want it.
I don't really want it.
I just need someplace to crash.
You got it.
You want some breakfast first? Not really.
God, how many people did you feed in here this morning? Oh, your buddy came by to see you last night.
Griffin.
And he stayed for breakfast? Uh, yeah.
We stayed up all night playing cards, waiting on you two.
Why? Because you've been gone for weeks.
No, why would Griffin stay up all night with you waiting for me to get home? Because he missed you? What's going on? Nothing.
Never mind.
I'll ask Griffin.
Ask Griffin what? Robie's still asleep.
Why he stayed up all night with Dad playing cards waiting for me to get home.
Oh, that was sweet.
Uh-huh.
We'll see.
Good night.
Boy, the trip to Europe did her some good.
She's more delightful than ever.
She's tired.
We spent the layover in Amsterdam seeing the city when we should have gotten a hotel room and gotten some sleep.
We've been up almost 48 hours, except for a couple of naps on the plane.
I really need to get to bed.
Yeah, sure.
I set the room up for you, cleaned the sheets, everything.
Did you? I sure did.
Well, you know, Robie's still sleeping and I really did miss you.
Do you want to go back to bed with me? Could be like old times.
Really, we could just go back to the way things were.
If you hadn't told Kathleen that I'm gay and she hadn't told the entire world! We'll talk when I get up.
Yikes.
+ Hey! Ashley! (MOANS JOYFULLY) What? You called me all the way back over here and this is the greeting I get? What were you doing over here last night? I just droed by to say hello to your dad.
He and Nora were playing cards and I just hung out.
I don't know.
No, you know.
I know what? You know something.
Oh.
I thought I knew something, but it turns out I don't.
Uh-huh.
What don't you know, then? That Amy is gay? I knew it! No, no, you don't know anything.
It turns out it was a rumor.
Well, sometimes rumors are true.
Sometimes.
The Fourth of July was a sign.
Where do people get this, that the Fourth of July is a gay holiday? I'm gay and I've never heard of that before.
Oh, come on.
Shorts? Bandanas? Visors? Everyone wears shorts, bandanas, visors.
Well, everyone includes gays.
I think you're reaching.
Maybe.
So Amy is gay.
Does Ricky know yet? You're not back to that, are you? To Ricky? I can't believe that the two of you did not tell me that that's what people were talking about.
Well, you can't just walk up to someone and say, "Hey, "there's a rumor going around school about you that you're gay.
" Yes, you can.
Ben did.
Ben told me.
I really don't like that you and Ben are getting so close again.
Why not? Ben is never going to come between Ricky and me.
We're just friends.
Are you sure you're going to marry Ricky? I set the date.
Yeah, but it's The Fourth of July is not a gay holiday! It is now.
That's the power of suggestion.
People hear it, they believe it, whether it's absolutely ridiculous or not.
Until something more ridiculous comes along.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hey, if you guys hear anything, it's totally true.
Yeah, okay, thanks.
Wait.
Wait.
What would we have heard? Do we have to do this? Come on, you know you want to.
No, I don't.
Oh, forget it.
I thought you guys already probably heard.
I mean, Grace did move out in the middle of the night, and by now I thought she would have texted Jack and Jack would have texted you.
And you would have told Henry and Henry would have told Ben.
Oh, the suspense is building.
No, it's not.
No, it is.
Why did Grace go home in the middle of the night? Did you two get in a fight? Like was there physical contact or anything? Stop it.
Oh, it was just something stupid.
I kissed her.
Well, she asked me to kiss her and so I kissed her and then she got all freaked out about it.
See you guys later.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, and by the way, hey, I am not gay! And the Fourth of July is not a gay holiday.
Whatever.
No one cares about that now.
You can't always be the center of attention.
I don't want to be the center of attention.
Where did she get that? Hey, okay, I am not gay! All right? If any of you are still talking about my mother or me or my wedding, my mother is not gay, I am not gay.
I am getting married and the Fourth of July is not some kind of gay holiday! No one's talking about that.
Oh, really? What are they talking about? Adrian and Grace kissed.
Each other.
Yeah.
Breaking news.
Wow.
Don't get any ideas.
What's up? Want to go shoot some hoops? No, I don't.
I just thought you might be interested in a text I got from Raven.
Why would I be interested in a text from Raven? 'Cause you're the one who told me that Grace wanted to sleep with me just to prove she's not attracted to Adrian.
Hey, don't be spreading that around, all right? Adrian would get really upset with me.
Yeah, or you would get really upset with Adrian.
Don't you two have some sort of agreement to be just with each other? She and Grace kissed each other last night.
What? And Raven knows that how? Well, let me see.
Adrian told Ben and Ben told Dylan and Dylan told Raven and Raven told me.
That can't be true.
And if it is? I mean, just because a girl kisses a girl does not mean that she's gay! You're making way too much of this.
Am I? Am I making too much of this? Because if this ever got out (CELL PHONE RINGING) (WHISPERING) Oh, my
You're going to have sex with Kathleen? She's not divorced.
You could get caught up in some legal something or other.
I promise not to be with any other man for the next week.
Week? You texted me so, uh, I hope that meant there's at least some possibility we can be friends again.
- Alice says she and I can be friends again.
- I told her to text you.
You can't say anything to Amy about this.
About what? Anne is gay.
I hope this doesn't get out.
And keep thinking about transferring to our school.
Please, you guys, I'm begging you.
Please, please, please.
If you're Amy's friends at all, please don't say anything about Amy's mother being gay.
Let's just talk about the wedding.
I only told Kathleen that I thought your mom might be gay.
Do you realize that Mom is going to come home next week and everyone is going to be talking about this? I don't know.
I feel as if people are looking at me.
They've been looking at me all week, I think.
Are people looking at me? No.
I don't think so.
And if they are looking at you, they're looking at the three of us, not just you.
Madison, why would they be looking at the three of us? They're looking at me.
They're definitely looking at me.
They can't still be talking about my mother, can they? No, I don't think so.
No, it must be something else, you know, something about you.
Oh geez, they're talking about my wedding.
Oh! Your wedding.
Of course! Yeah, that's probably it.
Just because Amy's mother's gay doesn't mean she's gay.
Wouldn't that be funny if she is, though? So it really could be true.
Amy Juergens could be gay.
No, that's not true.
They haven't identified a gay gene.
Still, I doubt youould put off marrying Ricky for another year if you weren't gay.
And the Fourth of July is such a gay day.
Fireworks.
Sparklers.
Parades.
Sounds as if you've taken a couple of stereotypical images and gone to the limit with them.
Yeah.
On the other hand, I guess it's possible.
Amy? Gay? No, she's engaged to Ricky.
She's had a baby.
She's getting married.
I kind of doubt she's gay.
Her mother had a baby, her mother was married, and apparently her mother is gay, so So what? Don't people have something better to do than talk about who's gay and who's not? You should be happy they're not talking about you anymore.
People were talking about me? Are you kidding? They think I'm gay? No, no, no, they think you're Dr.
Bowman's son from an affair he had in South Africa.
But I am.
See? Sometimes these rumors that go around are true.
That's what keeps people hooked into the gossip.
So Amy definitely could be gay.
I can't believe no matter what happens, Amy Juergens always ends up the center of attention.
Well, if you want to be the center of attention, I could start a rumor that your mom's gay.
No one would believe my mother is gay.
She's a flight attendant.
Flight attendant or not, I think everyone would remember that your mom had an affair with Amy's dad.
And? And maybe George Juergens has that effect on women.
Maybe George Juergens turns women gay.
Then I guess your mom is next.
I want my mom to be gay.
I would welcome that.
Even if she has to go out with George Juergens for a while first.
At least she'd stop getting married.
Uh-huh.
You know, the legalization of gay marriage could be just around the corner.
You could end up with two moms.
Great.
Two moms.
Better than one mom and a lying, cheating dad, or a stepdad who runs away to Africa and sends back the other dad's kid.
I doubt that would happen again.
I didn't think it could happen the first time.
Hey, hey, Amy, how are you? I'm fine.
You know, we can kill this rumor going around right now.
What rumor? It's not a rumor.
It's true.
I knew it.
What do you mean you knew it? We told you.
What does Ricky think? He's happy about it.
Yeah.
So it'll be the three of you? Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I'd be happy about it.
It's It's kind of, you know, unconventional.
I thought you thought it was unromantic.
I don't know, I guess it could be very romantic.
As long as Ricky's going along with it.
Well, yeah, of course he's okay with it.
Hey, I'm not surprised, I mean, he's Ricky.
Yeah, um, Ethan, I really have to go.
I don't have time for you right now.
I'm sorry.
No, completely understandable.
You're a very busy lady.
I don't think anyone knew how busy.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love + Well, It's a Private school, and you right, it's a very good school, But then again, this is a very good school.
Ben, you'd be going to a new school your senior year.
You really want to do that? What if you and Dylan break up? We're not going to break up.
We're in love.
I can get you an application going to be the one I'm not to approach your father I'm not supportive.
You don't have to be supportive.
He has to be supportive.
He's got to pay the tuition.
He even has to pay for you to apply there.
And I think it's about $1,200.
Really? Really.
(SIGHS) What's he doing in there, anyway? What do you think he's doing? He's trying to transfer.
He's not going to transfer.
No.
He is.
If he gets accepted, he is.
But we're all friends again, the three of us.
It's the three of us against the world.
The three of us plus one.
Dylan.
And it's the two of us against the two of them, which really isn't a friendship, or not the friendship we had, anyway.
But you and I are friends.
And I'm really happy about that.
Me too, Alice.
You know what I was thinking, I mean, it's not the ideal, but you and I could be friends with benefits.
No.
No, no, no.
We are not going to go there.
We've been there.
But we're just friends now.
Oh, we're still going to be friends.
I can't.
You can if you want.
That's what I'm saying.
Don't make me hurt your feelings, Alice.
You're not going to hurt my feelings.
Good.
Because I can't.
You can.
I don't think the two of us should do that with each other.
How about with someone else? What if there's someone else that I want to have sex with? You mean like another girl? What! No! Just because Amy's in school is gay.
every girl No, but it certainly explains a lot.
I would never have sex with a girl.
They're dramatic, they're fickle, they're emotional, and it would be like having sex with myself.
I just don't get it.
See, this is what I like about our being friends.
I like hearing your thoughts about not having sex with women.
This is a very stimulating conversation.
Shut up, Hank.
So you're not going out with Jack tonight? No.
I told him I don't even want to be friends.
He just wants to have wanted.
at's all he's ever I think he wants more than that.
I think he wants a relationship.
Yeah.
Well, I thought I did, too, but it's just too much trouble to be in a relationship with a guy at this age.
What about a girl at this age? (SCOFFS) I am not interested in having a relationship with a woman, especially not a sexual relationship.
And before you say anything, I have nothing against lesbians or gays or bis or trans or anyone questioning what they are.
I just know what I am.
And I know I am not interested in women.
What? Are you thinking about having sex with a woman? Well, I can't say I've never thought about having sex with a woman.
I've thought about kissing a woman, anyway.
Who? I don't know.
Not me? You? No! Of course not you.
Why not me? I've thought about kissing you! (STAMMERING) Oh, my God, I did not say that.
I did not mean that.
I have never thought about kissing you or having sex with you.
All these rumors about Amy They're really confusing and upsetting.
I can't think straight.
I did not mean "straight" straight.
I have to go.
(LAUGHS) Hi.
Hi.
I left my stupid keys in my locker.
I have to pick up John from the nursery and then go home to study for my history final.
I'm not working today.
Are you just in a hurry to get home because of all the talk at school? No, I don't care what people think about my wedding.
I don't know why everyone is so weirded out by me and Ricky getting married on the Fourth of July.
I don't know, but you have heard the rumors going around school? No, but I know that everyone is talking about my wedding plans.
They were talking about your wedding plans and then they were talking about your mother.
Oh, please.
That was ridiculous.
My father told Grace's mother that he thinks my mother is gay just so the two of them wouldn't feel guilty about seeing each other.
Oh.
I didn't know they were seeing each other.
I hope no one knows because my mother is not going to be too happy about it, especially if she hears it from someone else.
You know how she is.
She hates getting information after everyone else has it.
Yeah, which is why I thought I might mention this to you.
Ben, my mother is not gay, okay? Everyone knows that she's not gay, and even if she is gay, who cares? I don't care.
I would hope that she's not because obviously that would simplify my life if her and my dad eventually got back together but hey, whatever.
So it was only a rumor.
But now that rumor has taken a turn in your direction.
What? What do you mean? Oh, wait.
Are people actually talking about my mother coming to my wedding with another woman or something? They're talking about you coming to your wedding with another woman or something.
People are saying that you're gay because, well, your mother is gay.
(LAUGHS) No, they're not.
No, they are.
Here (SIGHS) Yeah, sorry to be the one to tell you.
Wait, if people think I'm gay because my mother is gay, which she's not, then people must think that Ricky is gay because his mother is gay.
No, not necessarily.
Are you sure? I mean, maybe that's why everyone thinks the Fourth of July wedding is so insane, because we're both gay.
No.
Not both.
Just you.
+ What's up? Going out with Dylan? Not tonight.
Tonight I've got to study, got that history final coming up and I'm hoping to ace it, go out with a bang.
Summer school is almost over.
And you know, this time next year, I'll be getting ready to go off to college.
You hope.
Yeah, I do hope.
I'm going to do everything I can to get into the best school possible.
What schools are you going to go for? Funny you should ask that.
I was just talking to the counselor today about what colleges would be best for me, and I was slightly disappointed at the colleges she was recommending.
Really? But your grades are good and your SATs were good and you still got time to take those again.
Yeah, it's just that, well Our high school is rated very highly academically, but it just doesn't have that sparkle that some of the private schools have.
Let me guess.
Like Dylan's school.
Please, Dad, please.
Just let me transfer.
Look, I know it's a lot of money, it's $32,000, but (LAUGHS) Thirty-two grand? Are you kidding me? You have the money and what's more important than investing in your child's education? Do you have any idea how much I pay in taxes? I pay well beyond 50% of my income in taxes! And I don't try to avoid it.
I can pay, I pay, and a large percentage of what I pay goes for public education.
I am not going to pay 32 grand on top of what I pay in taxes just so you can go make out with your girlfriend your senior year.
Because I know you're not that interested in academics.
You're going to finish at the school where you started.
Just keep an open mind about it.
I don't have an open mind about this.
They have uniforms.
You know how much I could save on clothes by wearing a uniform every day? What kind of an argument is that? They got uniforms in prison, too.
You want to go to prison? You know how much money that would save me? Thirty-two grand a year, to start with? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Dad, Dad, come on, just consider it, please? No.
Okay, well, I've planted the seed and now I'll just let it grow.
Get out of here.
Okay, okay.
Good night.
Thirty-two grand.
Ha.
Well, all the other girls are getting bunk beds.
But you don't have a roommate.
Leo got you a private dorm room, so you're not restricted to a bunk bed.
Betty, we could do something that makes this more of a gathering place.
Like an antique recamier with a tufted back and a couple of Napoleon chairs, but with a bold fabric.
Then we'll mix in some Lucite tables in the French style to get some modern pieces.
Leo says there's no budget on this one.
Do whatever you want.
Yeah, that's because he's feeling guilty about thinking about having a kid with Camille.
He says he doesn't want one but since he gives me everything that I want I bet you he does the same for her.
They can borrow any one of my five children any time they feel the want.
Oh, dear.
.
Speaking of which, we need to hurry this up.
I've got a teacher-parent meeting and homework and on top of that, Anne is coming back late tonight or tomorrow morning and I've got a ton of business to go over with her and I wasn't expecting her back.
Is she coming back early because Amy is gay? Amy Juergens is gay? Yeah, but she's getting married to Ricky on the Fourth of July.
Oh, good choice.
It's my favorite holiday.
But are you sure about this, Betty? Oh, yeah.
I heard it from the kids at school, they text me all the time.
And you know what? It makes sense since her mother is gay.
Her mother-in-law.
Nora.
No, her mother.
Anne.
Anne is gay.
Oh.
Have you ever thought about being gay? Hello.
Oh, no, I thought you two were going out for the night.
No, you didn't.
Hey, Adrian.
Omar.
I didn't know you two were seeing each other again.
I didn't either.
(LAUGHS) It's not going to prove anything.
What does that mean? This is "not going to prove anything.
" Oh, I don't know.
I told her I missed you.
And this proves it, if you ask me.
I was surprised to hear from you.
Really? Yeah.
I don't like her using him.
I don't know if she's using him or if he's using her.
How would he be using her? I think he's seeing Raven again, but Raven is still seeing other guys, so So he's seeing Grace.
Don't say anything.
That's their business.
And besides, isn't she still seeing Jack? No, she's not seeing Jack.
She's angry with Jack because Jack can't tell her that he's absolutely certain he would marry her.
Well, at this point, maybe Jack should know that.
I mean, I know that about you.
You want to go in my bedroom? I just got here.
Let me catch my breath.
I think we should do it.
I think we've waited long enough.
Slow down, Grace, what's your hurry? You don't want to have sex with me? I think you know that I'm really only comfortable with sex when it's within an exclusive relationship.
Well, I can give you that.
Well, I can't exactly give you that right now.
I've been out a couple of times with Raven.
Okay, well just don't go out with her again.
It's not really that simple.
It is! It is that simple! Grace, you cheated on me.
I really liked you, no, I was even in love with you, and you cheated on me.
It seems to me you're more than a little fickle, so excuse me if I don't just jump back into bed with you.
You're just scared Raven won't go out with you anymore.
Yeah.
Fine.
Just go home.
(SCOFFS) Well, all right.
I'm sorry I didn't fit into whatever little scheme you have going on here.
Me too.
Good night.
Good night.
Ugh! I hate men! No! I didn't mean that.
What I meant was Never mind, if you're listening.
What is going on with her? She's all paranoid.
We were talking about whether or not Amy Juergens is gay, which I think she is, and I said I can't deny that I've thought about kissing a girl and Grace said she's attracted to me.
And ever since then, she's been trying to take it back.
Want to call her in here? (LAUGHS) I'm just kidding.
I'm not into that.
But I can't deny I've thought about it.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Just because you think about doing something doesn't mean you'd actually do it.
Or that you really want to do it.
It just means you're thinking about it or you thought about it.
It means nothing.
Are you trying to convince me or yourself of that? You.
Are you kidding me? What? What's going on? Guys, can you please stop? I'm trying to study.
Is that bothering you? It's not bothering you? It's probably bothering the whole neighborhood! Yeah, but how else is he going to learn? Well, he doesn't have to learn tonight! Tonight I have to study for a test.
Come on, he'll be in bed in another 20 minutes.
I can't take another 20 minutes of that.
I can't take another two minutes.
Why are you in such a bad mood? Something happen at school today? Yeah, something always happens at school.
That's why I want to pass this test, get through my senior year and get the hell out of school.
Wow.
"Get the hell out"? Must have been a big something.
You know, don't you? I suspected all along.
Otherwise, you'd marry me right away.
You know what? That's not funny.
I can't believe people think I'm gay.
Oh, come on, laugh it off.
It's ridiculous.
You're not gay just because your mother is gay.
I'm not gay.
No one thinks you're gay.
That's why you can laugh about it.
And my mother is not gay.
Maybe we should move the wedding up.
What's another gay day to get married? What? Yeah, people think that the Fourth of July is some kind of high holy day for gay marriage.
Since when? Since you set the date, I guess.
Okay, that's not funny either.
None of this is funny.
It's all funny.
(JOHN PLAYING DRUMS) Come on, buddy, jam session's over.
I am not gay.
I am deeply heterosexual.
Gay.
Must be going around gaycare.
I mean, daycare.
(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) + (SIGHS) I wonder how long it's gonna take them to get through customs.
You think they got stuck in customs? I don't know.
Depends on how much stuff they bought.
Oh, but I think they'll just let us know when they land.
They haven't even landed yet.
By the way, I got all my stuff out of Ashley's room.
You didn't have to do that.
She'll be out of here in a week.
You can keep the room.
Yeah, we'll see.
Oh, and I put fresh sheets on Amy's bed so you can sleep in there.
You let Anne have your room tonight.
They've been traveling all day.
They're going to be tired.
Yeah, yeah, or I can sleep on the couch and you can have Amy's room.
You don't think they heard that, you know That Amy is gay? Amy? You mean Anne, don't you? Nope, I mean Amy, that's the latest.
But Amy's getting married.
On a gay holiday and her mother is gay.
Yay! Oh! You lose.
So, wait, you're saying you know Anne's gay? No, I'm not saying that.
She better be gay or I'm up the creek without a paddle.
Are you going to tell her about Kathleen? You mean that I told Kathleen that she's gay? No, I meant are you going to tell Anne that you're seeing Kathleen and that you told her she's gay.
Nah, she'll have enough to worry about when she finds out Amy is gay.
Wait.
Did you say the Fourth of July is a gay holiday? Well, it wasn't.
But apparently someone at the high school started that rumor and now it is.
Teenagers.
What's gay about the Fourth of July? Hot dogs? I don't know.
I have never heard that one before.
Um, could it be volleyball? Uncle Sam? Uncle Sam is not gay.
Plenty flamboyant clothing he's wearing there.
And hey, what does gay look like? (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Like that.
Ashley's gay friend.
Hey, long time, no see.
How you doing? Come on in.
Griffin, Nora.
Nora, Griffin.
You're both gay, just so you both know.
Well, I never had any doubts about me, anyway, but I don't usually introduce myself starting with my sexual identity.
Ignore him.
He's just ignorant.
Nice to meet you.
You want to play cards? Do gay men play poker? Do straight men pee in the woods? What? Funny.
I like you.
Deal me in.
What does that mean? It means gay men do everything straight men do except sleep with women.
And sometimes we do that too, now that I think about it.
I am so happy to have some relief here.
I can't even tell you.
I just thought I'd stop by, say hello.
Wait for Ashley to get home? Ashley's coming home? Tonight? If you didn't know she's coming home, why'd you stop by to say hello? Oh, let me guess.
Because Amy's gay? You thought George might need some help with that? Amy's gay? Yeah, I might have heard that.
In addition to mentioning that I'm gay in his introduction, maybe George should have mentioned that I am Ricky's mom and I'm going to be Amy's mother-in-law, because Amy is not gay.
So it's just Anne? How did you know about that? I'll tell you how, because some bigmouth said something about it to someone and she said something about it to her daughter and so on and so forth.
You think Anne knows? That she's gay? That people are saying that she's gay.
Not people! Your people! Your girlfriend! And Anne's not going to be too happy about that.
Bet on it.
You have a girlfriend? I might.
I'm surprised any woman would go out with you at this point.
What point? Oh, you've been hit, too.
Hit? By the rumors.
Oh, I can't wait.
What is it? What is it? Oh, you'll like this.
Apparently, you turn women gay.
No, I don't! Oh! (LAUGHS) I don't.
There's no turning.
You are or you aren't or you're figuring it out or emerging or evolving or whatever.
You've been reading again, haven't you? Just deal.
(SIGHS) (RINGING) Hi, Mom.
Mmm.
Hey, I made your favorite cake tonight.
I thought you said you might drop by.
(SIGHS) I wish I had.
Well, it's not too late.
No, it is.
Are you okay? Mom, do we have any Gay genes? I don't know, what kind of jeans are gay jeans? Are there gay jeans? I don't know, aren't there? That's what I've heard.
Honey, I don't think a pair of jeans can make you gay.
Unless they're really, really tight.
(CHUCKLES) That was a joke.
No, I mean like genes as in genetics.
Yes, I realize that now.
Are you asking because kids at school are saying Amy is gay or because I told you that Anne is gay? How do you know that kids at school are saying that Amy is gay? Because now I have a kid in the house who tells me things.
Fine.
Go talk to him, then.
No, honey, talk to me, what's going on? Nothing.
Really, Grace, come over.
I've eaten half the cake waiting for George to call to let me know if I'm off the hook, if we are off the hook, the two of us, you and me.
For what? He's the one who opened his big mouth and told us his ex-wife was gay.
It's not like we just made it up.
Yeah, well, I never should have told you.
I mean, if I have any hope of having a good relationship with George, I'm going to have to get along with Anne.
Well, you don't have to get along with her too well.
What? What do you mean? You don't have to sleep with her.
Of course not! You don't have to sleep with him, either.
Honey, who said anything about sleeping with either one of them? I'm still married and I'm not having sex with George, although, at some point, I might.
Do you want to tell me what's going on? You know I'll find out anyway.
Hi, Grace.
Hi.
Omar went home 20 minutes ago.
Yeah, well, so what? So, it's just you and me here.
Oh, and I just got out of the shower.
I am not attracted to you.
Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not! It's okay.
It's not okay.
I am not gay.
You may not be, but I think you're afraid you're gay.
No, I'm not.
You know why? Because I'm just not.
Just because you've thought about kissing me, that doesn't mean you're gay.
Look, I just said the wrong thing, all right? All right, all right.
I'm just gonna sit over here and study.
You know, you should study, too.
We have that history final.
We've been studying for that for weeks, and if I wanted to study for it, I would just study in my room.
Would you stop being ridiculous? Nothing has changed.
We're just two girls sharing an apartment for the summer and studying for a history exam.
Okay, come on.
We gotta get things back to normal here.
It's too weird and it's all my fault.
I promise I'll stop teasing you.
It's me, Grace.
Your best friend.
We should be able to talk to each other about anything, tease each other about anything.
And I see that we can't and I've made you uncomfortable.
I apologize.
Okay, well, I just want things to go back to normal.
(SIGHS) Sorry.
No problem.
I can't believe I said that.
Forget about it.
It didn't mean anything.
I know, but still Hey.
I said I've thought about kissing a girl.
Doesn't make me gay.
Yeah, but you didn't say who.
Angelina Jolie.
(CHUCKLING) What? I don't know, she's really pretty.
And I've honestly thought about it.
But you wouldn't like actually kiss her if you had the chance.
Uh, I might, yeah.
Have you ever kissed a girl before? No.
Honestly, I never even thought about it until I heard that Katy Perry song, she kissed a girl and liked it.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It just made me curious.
Or, I was curious anyway and then I felt free to say I was curious.
Kiss me.
What? Yeah.
You're curious.
I'm curious.
Kiss me.
All right.
(GASPS) I have never gotten any complaints from any guys.
(CLEARS THROAT) + I don't know, the tuition's a little steep.
Just fill out the application and worry about the tuition later.
It's $1,200 to apply.
I need money from him right now.
You have a credit card? Put it on your credit card.
You can put it on my credit card if you want.
I believe in you, Ben.
And I would love to have you at my school next year.
Wouldn't it bebe great? The two of us at the same high school? I really want to do this.
Please do this.
Maybe we should just think about going to the same college.
I'm only going to be a junior next year, so that would be two years from now.
I don't want to wait two years to be at the same school.
Yeah, two years is a long time, you're right.
I'll charge it.
I mean, a $1,200 charge will go through on my card and then my dad can just clobber me later.
I mean, what's the point about arguing about tuition if I don't even get in? Right.
What's going on? What's the emergency? Are you all right? Why añe you dying? From what? You look okay to me.
Jack, where have you been? Isn't it obvious I was at football practice? I just got suited up and I went to put my phone in my locker and I saw I had 27 messages.
What are you doing here? Why are you in the guest house? Because as of right now, I live in the guest house.
Did you and Adrian get in a fight or something? Or something.
Grace, this better be important or I am in big trouble.
This isn't a high school team I'm on anymore.
It's college.
I could get kicked off for not showing up on the field.
Just tell me what's going on so I can get back before anyone notices.
I kissed Adrian.
Really? Say that again.
Well, I didn't kiss her.
She kissed me.
I asked her to kiss me.
Really? Yeah, and I don't really know why I did that.
Yeah, I don't know why you did either, but I'm glad you did.
Why? I don't know.
I just am.
Where were you? I'm not going to give you all the details.
Then why'd I come over here? Because I need you to kiss me.
Yeah, sure.
I'll kiss you.
And I need you to be my boyfriend and have sex with me.
Lots and lots and lots of sex, okay? Day and night, around the clock, 24-7.
Oral sex, sex sex, any kind of sex, all kinds of sex.
I need that.
With you.
Okay, this was totally worth leaving practice for.
And you have no idea why Grace would move home in the middle of the night? No.
What could have happened? Maybe she and Adrian got into it.
I don't think it has anything to do with Adrian.
I think it has to do with Jack.
His car is outside.
You're kidding.
No, I'm not kidding.
Maybe he and I can move back in the guest house.
I have a feeling if Jack moves back into the guest house, it'll be with Grace.
Oh no, he is not moving into the guest house with Grace.
I second that.
I'll find out what's going on.
I'll let you know.
Thank you.
What is wrong with you? Brothers do not rat out sisters.
I'm protecting Grace.
From what? I don't really know.
That's just what your mother said.
You can't listen to her.
Mothers will tell you anything to get information.
That's ridiculous.
My mother and I have a very open relationship.
We tell each other everything.
Why wouldn't I tell your mother everything? Because this is America.
Everyone lies to their mother.
They do not.
Do they? Yes.
Well, she's not my mother.
Your father is my father but your mother is not my mother.
I have a very bad temper, you know.
(SIGHS) Mom and Ashley got stuck in Amsterdam.
They're still not home yet.
Are you going to leave school when they get home? No, I'm not going to school.
I'm not going to have people guessing whether or not I'm gay.
They're going to do that whether or not you're at school.
Amy, you have to go to school.
This is ridiculous.
Is it? Would you go to school if people were pointing at you and whispering behind your back trying to figure out if you're gay? First of all, there is nothing wrong with being gay.
Except that I'm not.
Secondly, don't get all upset and nervous because a bunch of idiots are texting.
Well, I don't like it, okay? I just don't like it.
I'm gonna go over to my dad's house and wait for my mom and Ashley to get there.
Griffin is over there, you know, he spent the night.
Griffin? What is Griffin doing there? Oh, no.
He, uh, heard the rumors.
I think he went over to talk to your dad, see how your dad was, see if he could offer some support.
Because I'm gay? (LAUGHS) Are you? That does it.
I am going to school.
You have a history final.
You have to go to school.
I am.
And I'm going to tell everyone I am not gay.
People are probably going to be talking about something entirely different today.
It's high school.
That's how high school is.
You know that.
So don't do anything stupid.
(SIGHS) I forgot John.
(SIGHS) Bonjour! Hi, George.
It's good to be home.
Let me get that for you.
Hey, sugarplum, how was France? Fine.
Oh, don't tell me all I'm going to get is "fine.
" She needs some sleep.
We both need sleep.
First I wanna go check on Robie.
Is that lady still in my room? Nora? No, I had her take everything out.
It's all yours, as long as you want it.
I don't really want it.
I just need someplace to crash.
You got it.
You want some breakfast first? Not really.
God, how many people did you feed in here this morning? Oh, your buddy came by to see you last night.
Griffin.
And he stayed for breakfast? Uh, yeah.
We stayed up all night playing cards, waiting on you two.
Why? Because you've been gone for weeks.
No, why would Griffin stay up all night with you waiting for me to get home? Because he missed you? What's going on? Nothing.
Never mind.
I'll ask Griffin.
Ask Griffin what? Robie's still asleep.
Why he stayed up all night with Dad playing cards waiting for me to get home.
Oh, that was sweet.
Uh-huh.
We'll see.
Good night.
Boy, the trip to Europe did her some good.
She's more delightful than ever.
She's tired.
We spent the layover in Amsterdam seeing the city when we should have gotten a hotel room and gotten some sleep.
We've been up almost 48 hours, except for a couple of naps on the plane.
I really need to get to bed.
Yeah, sure.
I set the room up for you, cleaned the sheets, everything.
Did you? I sure did.
Well, you know, Robie's still sleeping and I really did miss you.
Do you want to go back to bed with me? Could be like old times.
Really, we could just go back to the way things were.
If you hadn't told Kathleen that I'm gay and she hadn't told the entire world! We'll talk when I get up.
Yikes.
+ Hey! Ashley! (MOANS JOYFULLY) What? You called me all the way back over here and this is the greeting I get? What were you doing over here last night? I just droed by to say hello to your dad.
He and Nora were playing cards and I just hung out.
I don't know.
No, you know.
I know what? You know something.
Oh.
I thought I knew something, but it turns out I don't.
Uh-huh.
What don't you know, then? That Amy is gay? I knew it! No, no, you don't know anything.
It turns out it was a rumor.
Well, sometimes rumors are true.
Sometimes.
The Fourth of July was a sign.
Where do people get this, that the Fourth of July is a gay holiday? I'm gay and I've never heard of that before.
Oh, come on.
Shorts? Bandanas? Visors? Everyone wears shorts, bandanas, visors.
Well, everyone includes gays.
I think you're reaching.
Maybe.
So Amy is gay.
Does Ricky know yet? You're not back to that, are you? To Ricky? I can't believe that the two of you did not tell me that that's what people were talking about.
Well, you can't just walk up to someone and say, "Hey, "there's a rumor going around school about you that you're gay.
" Yes, you can.
Ben did.
Ben told me.
I really don't like that you and Ben are getting so close again.
Why not? Ben is never going to come between Ricky and me.
We're just friends.
Are you sure you're going to marry Ricky? I set the date.
Yeah, but it's The Fourth of July is not a gay holiday! It is now.
That's the power of suggestion.
People hear it, they believe it, whether it's absolutely ridiculous or not.
Until something more ridiculous comes along.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hey, if you guys hear anything, it's totally true.
Yeah, okay, thanks.
Wait.
Wait.
What would we have heard? Do we have to do this? Come on, you know you want to.
No, I don't.
Oh, forget it.
I thought you guys already probably heard.
I mean, Grace did move out in the middle of the night, and by now I thought she would have texted Jack and Jack would have texted you.
And you would have told Henry and Henry would have told Ben.
Oh, the suspense is building.
No, it's not.
No, it is.
Why did Grace go home in the middle of the night? Did you two get in a fight? Like was there physical contact or anything? Stop it.
Oh, it was just something stupid.
I kissed her.
Well, she asked me to kiss her and so I kissed her and then she got all freaked out about it.
See you guys later.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, and by the way, hey, I am not gay! And the Fourth of July is not a gay holiday.
Whatever.
No one cares about that now.
You can't always be the center of attention.
I don't want to be the center of attention.
Where did she get that? Hey, okay, I am not gay! All right? If any of you are still talking about my mother or me or my wedding, my mother is not gay, I am not gay.
I am getting married and the Fourth of July is not some kind of gay holiday! No one's talking about that.
Oh, really? What are they talking about? Adrian and Grace kissed.
Each other.
Yeah.
Breaking news.
Wow.
Don't get any ideas.
What's up? Want to go shoot some hoops? No, I don't.
I just thought you might be interested in a text I got from Raven.
Why would I be interested in a text from Raven? 'Cause you're the one who told me that Grace wanted to sleep with me just to prove she's not attracted to Adrian.
Hey, don't be spreading that around, all right? Adrian would get really upset with me.
Yeah, or you would get really upset with Adrian.
Don't you two have some sort of agreement to be just with each other? She and Grace kissed each other last night.
What? And Raven knows that how? Well, let me see.
Adrian told Ben and Ben told Dylan and Dylan told Raven and Raven told me.
That can't be true.
And if it is? I mean, just because a girl kisses a girl does not mean that she's gay! You're making way too much of this.
Am I? Am I making too much of this? Because if this ever got out (CELL PHONE RINGING) (WHISPERING) Oh, my