Weird Science s04e23 Episode Script

Oh, yeah, baby.
You know you want it.
You're dirty.
Chett's going to give you what you need.
- This is way too, too - Sick, twisted, unholy.
And then some.
Oh, yeah! I think this calls for some world class Chett humiliation.
Lis.
Any suggestions? - Bad haircut? - Bladder infection? You guys are weak.
- Yeah! - Aah! - Still got it, Lis.
- Thanks.
Here you go, bud, you earned it.
Got to be yanking me? What the hell is going on? He wants to know what's going on.
You want to know what's going on, Chett, for real? Yes.
Please tell me.
Our friend Lisa here, is a magic genie.
Hi.
All we have to do is wish for something and zappo! Lisa our magic genie makes it so.
Magic genie? Right! What do I look like? An idiot? - Yeah, pretty much.
- They don't come any dumber.
What the? This isn't happening, man! - Trust me it is.
- Ah! And the best part is in a few seconds you won't remember any of this.
- I think I will remember alright.
- No, you won't.
You see, Chett, Lisa's got this nasty little number called a memory wipe.
[ french speaks .]
- Huh? - Memory.
Ah, right.
Ow! My memory is gone, I can't remember anything! Wait a minute, yes I do.
I remember that you said I wasn't going to remember anything.
- And that you're a magic genie.
- Whoops.
A minor glitch.
Hit him again, Lis.
I can't remember anything, that I ate for breakfast.
But I do remember that you're my brother, you're his creepy friend and you're a magic genie.
[ laughing .]
- I don't get it, Lis.
- Why didn't the memory wipe work on Chett? I don't know.
I need time to think.
Coo! Hi, kids! Whose your friend? A magic genie! Whoops! I remembered! Gee, too bad you can't erase my memory with your magic powers, you magic genie.
That ought to shut the little bugger up.
What now? Let's take a look under the hood.
Yuk.
Chett's skull.
What's that? My God.
It look like an alien mind control device designed to brainwash him.
Actually, Lis, it's redness, he shoved it up his nose when he was eight and the doctors said it was too dangerous to remove it.
Oh, right.
So, what exactly are we looking at? See this funky sparkly thing here.
Damn it, Lis, speak in English.
- It's a brain callous.
- A brain callous? I must have erased his memory so many times, he's developed a resistance to my memory wipe.
You mean from now on he's going to remember everything? - He'll know you're a genie? - Yep.
That's it, boys.
The party's over.
We can't erase Chett's memory? This is a complete disaster.
He'll make our lives miserable.
Lisa, maybe we're underestimating Chett.
I mean he just found out this amazing thing.
Maybe he'll understand all of Lisa's power and treat her with the respect she deserves? Hey, magic genie.
How about a cold brew and a hot tongue bath? Chop chop! Okay, Chett, time out.
She's our genie, not yours.
- Live with it, smirky.
- I don't think so, baby.
Your tune is going to change when you experience a heaping helping of my hospitality.
Ooh! Pudding cup! I love those things.
And he's fat free.
Is that the best you can do? - Get me a spoon.
- Okay, I give Alright, genie chick, if that's how you want to play I just might have to go public with my information.
[ sirens .]
- You wouldn't dare.
- Watch me.
- Lis, I think he means it.
- Lis, do something.
Way ahead of you.
Just so you know, I'm a perfectly normal average, Joe.
I'm not tripping or out of my head like a loco weed, but what I'm about to tell you is going to sound a little bit fantastic.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, here it is.
- See that number over there? - Yeah.
- She's a genie, a magic genie.
- I see.
- She turned me into a pudding cup.
- Ouch.
She thinks I can't do anything about it.
But I'm showing her.
Umm I wonder what kind of reception he gets? Let's find out.
Aah! What the hell? There's something on my head! Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.
Ugh! I can't get it off! She zapped it on me.
See this proves I'm not nuts.
Right, right.
It was classic, Lisa.
Looks like our secret's safe after all.
Oh, look.
It's radio free Chett.
Yeah, good one.
You jokes made me look a major wacho, thanks to you I've got group three times a week.
So do we understand each other now? You're not the boss of me.
You bet.
So we'll share the genie? I'm cool with that.
Chett, you're not her master, we are.
Master? Geez.
Gar, not the "M" word.
I can't believe you guys think of yourselves as my masters.
What Gary was trying to say was that we have an equal partnership of genie and guys who control the genie.
- Control? - Not control, no, uh, use.
- Use? - Wyatt means we order you around.
I'm out of here.
You know, boys, I think I detect a slight character flaw.
You're morons.
[ laughing .]
Hello, Lisa.
Can I call you Lisa? No.
Look, Lisa, I know you're hurting and I feel for you, I do.
Those two zit wrenchers don't appreciate you.
- Oh, and you do? - Hell, yes.
You see, we're alike you and me.
No, I mean it, people don't understand us cause we're different.
- Special, we have so much in common.
- Oh, please.
No, let me show you.
Our hands, they're beautiful things aren't they.
Yours can create a rose out of thin air, mine can make coasters out of a mons ears.
Gross! Look, my point is, we both have powers that other people don't understand.
Oh, you have a power alright, the power ot make me spray.
OK, you leave me no choice, babe.
I know this isn't fair but even your magic powers can fight this.
Aah! I'm only going ot say this once, when you home.
Better call me.
Aah! It's got to be here.
- What the hell are you doing? - Ah ha! Don't play stupid with me, I know you've hidden it somewhere.
- Hidden? What? - The genie lamp.
- Genie lamp? - Genie lamp? I'm not stupid, grain pole.
Everyone knows where genies come from.
They come from magic lamps.
Trust me, you're not going to find it.
- Ah ha! - Son of a gun.
Come to Daddy! You're all mine now! Chett, I swear I've never seen that thing before.
Nice try.
I know the score.
He who controls the lamp controls the magic genie.
Appear, O, genie of the lamp.
You sent for me.
O, wise and powerful, Master? I demand.
I stand ready to serve you.
All my magic powers are at your command O, Master Chett.
Ah, Lisa, what's going on? You've just discovered the secret of lamp.
I will grant you three, only three wishes.
Then I will return to the Magic Genie Land from which I have travelled.
Cha cha! Three wishes from my own bad ass genie.
Let's see I wish for a million wishes.
That's a new one.
Aw, you displease me.
I will now retire to my lamp.
When next you summon me will behove you to give your wishes some serious thought.
Okay.
Ah, you go take five there, slave girl.
In your face, chumpniks.
The mightiest magic power in the universe at my fingertips.
I can do anything, go anywhere, rule the freaking planet.
This calls for a beer.
What just happened? We've been genie hoaxed.
Oh! Oh, his masters.
I know we were out of line with the master stuff, we're sorry.
Won't happen again.
What's with callous brain three wishes? I overhead Chett talking about a magic lamp.
So I figured fine, let him think I'm his magic genie.
Give him three stupid wishes and before he knows it, I'll be gone forever.
I like the plan, but I love the shoes.
Do you? I dig the curly toes.
Smart yet, sassy.
Now, you do know you already have three wishes.
Are you sure that's your first wish? Yes.
I want to see you naked.
Okay.
Hey, what's going on? For God's sake cover yourself.
You wanted to see me naked so you're seeing me naked.
One down, two to go.
- Do you want to wish for a robe? - Hold on.
That doesn't count.
You tricked me.
Gee, I'm sorry.
I must have misunderstood.
Too bad.
All wishes are final.
I'm on to your little game.
I won't get fooled again.
Oh, Master, you look tired.
Do you wish to sit down? Yeah, thanks.
Worth a shot.
Nice try.
Alright, let's go down to business.
Number 2.
This is a wish so simple, there is no way ever you're going to screw it up.
- So young.
- So innocent.
Ready, here we go.
I want be - King of the Universe.
- Okey doke.
Is this it? Am I really the king? The one and only.
Oh, yeah.
Check me out.
King of the Universe.
Listen up.
My small and pitiful minions.
You, skim latto for your king.
You.
I dub thee "Duke of Puke" because I can.
You.
You're firm yet supple, entrance me, dance with me.
Hey, she doesn't do that anymore.
If I had a dime for every jerk who thought he was King of the Universe.
What happened? I thought I was King of the Universe.
Oh, wait.
I see the problem.
- You want to be king of this universe.
- Huh? There's more than just one universe, you know.
- Oh.
- I'm serious.
Watch Star Trek sometime.
There's an infinite number of universes, bonehead.
- Should have been more specific.
- What a rip.
If it's any consolation, the alternate universe where you're king is populated by beautiful women that naturally secrete a hardly air like brew that must constantly like form their bodies.
Well, let me limber up the royal tongue and we'll be on our way.
Bad idea.
You see, unfortunately these beautiful women breathe mustard gas.
You wouldn't last ten seconds.
Can you send me there for nine seconds? Crap.
Who am I kidding.
- Two wishes shot to hell.
- One more wish, Your Highness.
If I were you I'd make this one count.
Don't worry, this next one will be a mother.
Here it is, wish number three.
Just try and weezle out of this one.
"I, Chester Palimine Donnelly, here after ot be know as the wisher, "must not be misinterpreted, blah blah, do hereby make my wish," to be endowed with all the magical power abilities of you, Lisa, my genie.
" You're most clever, Master.
You've finally bested me.
I have no choice but to grant your wish.
- Smokin'! - What's she doing? It's Lis, she's got it covered.
Right.
Chett, do you realise once I grant your third and final wish, I'll be gone form this world.
You'll never see me again.
Yeah, but I Very well.
With this wish, I bid thee farewell.
- Chett? - Did it work? That answer your question, plungee.
[ zaps up motorbike .]
Look out, world.
Magicman is coming! - Plungee? - Did he do something to us? I don't think so.
Nope, you're fine.
He thinks he turned you into toliet plungers.
- Why would he think that? - Because I put him under a spell.
I couldn't give him any real magic powers, so I gave him the illusion of powers.
- So he just thinks he has magic? - Right.
That way he happy and the worlds safe.
- But he looks like an idiot.
- A perk.
- [ cars horns .]
- [ Chett imitate bike noises .]
Hey, babe, how's it going? Plenty of room for you on here.
Want to ride? Oh, get lost.
So we meet again.
How's your magic genie? I'm the magic genie now.
Fat boy, you're beginning to bug me! Eat my dust! [ imitate bike .]
Baby, you look good.
Thanks.
I try to take of myself, eat right, the ususal.
Well, it shows, baby.
Um, um We can't just leave him in there.
What's the rush? He thinks he's in paradise.
What say after dinner you dazzle me with another one of those fiendish hot finger dances.
Well, since you ask nice.
What the? How did I get here? Where's my harem? Why don't I go find out what's keeping them.
Hey, on the off chance I don't run into them, what saw we just heavily medicate you instead? Okay, no problem.
I'll just wish myself out of here.
Oh, God.
I've lost my powers.
Help.
If I was a betting man, I'd say the spell just wore off.
Guys.
I hate to say it but I think we may have gone too far.
I suppose she's right.
Can't we just leave him in there a little longer? He's got shock treatment in three.
Poor guy.
He wanted to be king of the universe.
Look at him now.
He's pathetic.
Chett may be a crude, sexist jerk but doesn't deserve this.
Well, why don't you just zap him home? I can't.
He thinks I've gone back to genie land.
If I used my magic to rescue him, he'll know I'm still around.
So what do we do? Help, somebody! I'm chaffing! Holy monkees! My leige.
I have travelled across space time to find you.
Who are you? I am Doug, your loyal subject from Vegas 5.
All bow down for the King of the Universe.
- You mean you've come to rescue me? - If my king commands it.
I command it! I command it! Whoa! Am I glad to be out of there.
I thought that back stabbing genie had boned me big time.
I know not of this boning you speak, but I do know this, in my universe you are a wise and powerful king.
- Were? - Unfortunately you have been dethroned.
- Dethroned? - There was a bloody unrising, your subjects fought valiantly but alas at the moment of their greatest triumph, they choked.
- You should have wished for a bush.
- Ah, I was gonna, but I thought-- Wait a minute.
- How did you know I had wishes? - Whoops.
I gotta go.
- Hi.
- You.
- What are you still doing here? - Uh, I forgot my lamp.
You know what, you've been a great sport about this.
How about I give you a bonus wish? Huh? So let me get straight.
These two nose wipes created you out of the computer.
- Yep.
- I'm a state of the art Genie.
Now remember, Chettler, just because you know about Lisa, doesn't mean you can call the shots.
Wyatt and I are in the drivers seat, capice? Guess again.
The only one with a licence to drive is me.
Hey, relax, babe.
All I can say is all the peewee adventures you have before, forget them.
Me onboard, your future just became a magic logride.
What do you say, girls? Are you with me? Huh? Huh? Welcome to our world.
Captioned by Grant Brown