Wizards of Waverly Place s04e23 Episode Script

Do you see Mason anywhere? Every day this week he's accidentally run into me as I was getting on the elevator, to talk about us getting back together, again.
Maybe he's hiding from these fresh, delicious T-bone steaks! No, he's not here.
Stick me with a spur, it's Russo and Finkle! What are you two doing in my building? We live here, right up on the No, we, uh, don't, Harper.
Our building just looks like this building.
Oh.
Right.
Yeah, and sometimes we confuse it with this one, in case you ever see us here again.
We just came by to say hello.
Hello.
And goodbye.
Then why do you have groceries? Well they're gifts.
For you.
Odd gift choice, Russo.
T-bone steaks! My favorite cut of the cow! Tell you what? Why don't you come on up for a visit? We'd love to Mr.
Laritate.
We have to go buy those exact same gifts for us.
No, I insist.
Come on up and I'll show you how to keep a Shetland pony as a pet without anyone knowing.
I don't know.
Are you gonna ride it? "Am I going to ride it?" I'm gonna jump the couch! Well, we have to see that.
Oh, no.
Uh, uh The elevator just broke.
That's funny, I was just on it.
Shh, I won't tell anyone you did it.
All right, we're gonna have to hoof it up the stairs.
We can rest halfway.
I live all the way up on the second floor.
Everything is not what it seems Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze That the end will no doubt justify the means You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease Yes, please But you might find out it'll go to your head When you write a report on a book you never read With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed That's what I said Everything is not what it seems When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams You might run into trouble if you go to extremes Because everything is not what it seems Be careful not to mess with the balance of things Because everything is not What it seems Ha-Ha-ha! It's here! It's here! Oh, I got it! El Chile Diablo.
From the jungles of South America.
I'm gonna make chili for this year's Waverly Place Frontier Days.
It's gonna have people coming back to the Sub Station for more.
Isn't that what our sandwiches are supposed to do? Yeah well, that ship sailed years ago.
A good, spicy chili is gonna make this place memorable.
OK, well whatever you do, just be careful, 'cause those are superhot, they'll burn your skin on contact.
Oh, please.
Justin, I know how to handle a little chili pepper.
Mr.
Justin Hey, Mr.
Justin's dad.
It's touching my skin! It's burning! I'm on fire! It's always good to see your dad.
Mr.
Justin, I need your help.
You know something? I've been secretly hoping the day would come when one of my former students came to me and asked me for my guidance.
I'm touched.
What do you need, friend? - I think I broke my wand.
- You idiot! That's the most powerful wand in the wizard world! I don't know what happened.
I went to bed last night and it was fine.
When I woke up this morning, it wasn't working.
- It's a fake.
- How can you tell? I don't know a wizard wand that takes double-A batteries.
- Well, then where's my wand? - I hate to say this, Felix, but I think someone switched this fake wand with your wand, the most powerful wand in the wizard world.
No! Why would somebody do something like that? Hmm.
I don't know, maybe because it's the most powerful wand in the wizard world! And this is the lounge area.
Now, we don't have a lot of zombies here, so I'm gonna have to ask you to clean up any rotting flesh you leave behind.
Oh, hey girls.
This is Abercrombie Zombie, your new neighbor.
He's "dying" to live here.
It's a zombie.
Oh, I'm terrible at jokes.
Oh, hi, it's nice to meet you Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! He says it's OK.
It happens all the time.
- You can speak Zombie? - It's called "Zombish.
" Every wizard learns it when they're little.
He says your brains smell cute and tasty.
Oh.
Why, thank you.
Um Why don't I show you the laundry room? Now, no offense but you might want to throw in a load as soon as possible.
Hi, Alex.
I have not been sitting here waiting for you all day.
Why would you accuse m? I haven't even said anything yet.
Oh, gravy boat! I skipped ahead on my rehearsed encounter with you.
This is gonna be another awkward relationship talk, isn't it? You know what? I'm just gonna stay here.
Wha? Don't you leave me alone with him, Harper Finkle! Hi, Mason.
Alex, I've made a list of the pros and cons of us getting back together.
Well, I mean, I listed the pros.
There were no cons.
Sh! Mason, quiet down.
This is my jam.
Alex, please.
Listen to me.
This time in the elevator is the only one-on-one time.
- I get to spend with you.
- Do, do, do, doo, do, do Alex, please, listen to me! Mason, what are you doing? I'm trying to stop us, so I can get a few minutes with you.
Stop it, you're gonna break it! Like that.
- Hello! - Hello.
The elevator works perfectly.
If it doesn't, I had nothing to do with it.
What are you talking about? Um, I think that's a little personal.
- Run! - Yeah.
How rude.
That's why I refuse to see my grandchildren.
That's strange.
Since when did this building get a 13th floor? Check your pockets again.
Nope.
Still gone.
OK.
Here's the first batch of Chili Diablo.
- Who wants to try? - Not now, Dad.
We have a big problem.
Felix's wand is missing.
Oh.
Have you tried the Abraca-doodler's Wand Locater App? See, every wand has a security beacon that shows you its exact location on a map.
Felix, just punch in your security code.
Oh, great, my wand is still in New York.
It's moving around the building like it's flying.
Ooh, or the building is flying around the wand.
Yeah, you're right, it's probably the wand.
Something's weird.
I'm calling Professor Crumbs.
Good idea.
Are you sure you guys don't want to try the chili? - What's going on? - The 13th floor button was exposed and the non-wizard tenants have been coming up.
- What are we gonna do? - Oh, no.
I bet it happened when you banged on the buttons.
Don't try to pin this on me.
I just wanted to talk about our relationship.
Excuse me.
We all came up here to find out where this mysterious 13th floor came from.
And who is that stinky freak grunting in the corner? Whoo! What have you done? Exposing this floor could ruin my plans! - What plans? - Oh, it's all falling apart! Dexter, calm down.
I'll handle this.
OK! Everybody, listen up.
Um There is a simple explanation for all of this.
You accidentally discovered the secret haunted house that Dexter has been planning for all of you.
You spoiled it! I hope you're happy.
I love a good haunted house.
I hope they have a costume contest.
I still fit into my saucy kitty outfit.
OK, everyone, please forget you ever saw this, and do not tell anyone.
OK, Dexter.
We don't want to spoil the surprise.
- Let's go, everybody.
- Yeah, that's right.
Everybody out! Keep your arms, legs, feet, hands and toes inside the elevator.
And just ignore that little Yeah, uh-huh, thank you.
Buh-bye.
I'm sorry, Dexter.
I'll be very careful with the elevator buttons from now on.
You better.
Because of you, I gotta make plans for a haunted house.
All right, you guys better fix the elevator before somebody else comes up.
Of course.
Finkle? Russo? The British buckaroo? Mr.
Laritate, why are you dressed like that? For the Frontier Days square dance.
The big question is What are you all doing on this mysterious 13th floor? You know, I've spent years thinking there was something strange about you, Russo.
Now I see you with Zombie Guy, and Weird Ears hands out of a trash chute! Yes, because this is a haunted house.
Haunted house, my caboose.
It's more like a weird, parallel magic universe, and you're somehow a part of it.
He's onto us.
Somebody do something.
Abercrombie, what did you do? Mr.
Laritate, are you OK? You should never say, "Somebody do something," with a zombie in the room.
Hurry up and find a spell that will turn Mr.
Laritate back.
I'm running out of bathroom spray.
Will you put that away, Harper? It smells like a springtime fresh cemetery in here.
We need more than a first aid kit.
He's a sneeze away from losing his face.
Wait, it's zombie bite ointment.
Excellent.
This should change him back.
Perfect, we'll just slap some of this goop on old Laritate and Where's Zombie Laritate? He's gone.
We have to go find him! Where would Zombie Laritate go? Oh! The Waverly Place Frontier Days.
Even as a zombie, Laritate wouldn't miss a good square dance.
Oh, right, let's go.
Uh, you stay here and think about what you did.
You're a bad zombie.
Bad! Professor Crumbs, what are you doing? I'm looking to see how big my eye can be.
Felix, when was the last time you used your wand? I used it last night in my apartment to clip my toenails.
You used the most powerful wand in the wizard world to clip your toenails?! Well, the wand clips them very evenly.
Felix, I didn't know you had your own apartment.
Mm-hm.
I live on the wizard floor, down at the Windsor.
Impossible.
There are no wizard floors at the Windsor.
Yeah, there is.
I live right across the hall from Alex.
A bunch of wizards live there.
You didn't know about the wizard floor? I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this, Professor Crumbs.
Indeed.
We'd better investigate that wizard floor.
OK, but before you do, could you guys flash me in, like, five minutes before you, so I can pick my undies up off the floor? Ladies and gentlemen, the keeper of the most powerful wand in the wizard world.
Bow to your rooster Then bow to your hen And cluck with the chickens in the big ol' pen Do the right hand first Then left hand through Whoa! Whoa, Herschel, are you OK? You don't look so good.
You're attracting flies! Um Good zombie cowboy costume, Mr.
Laritate! Yeah.
A clever twist on a stale Western tradition.
Oh, zombie cowboy, I see! Always keeping it fresh, huh, Herschel? Raise your gal up off the ground Now, watch your step There's chickens around - Alex, what did you do? - It's OK, Dad.
Mason's going to rub some zombie bite ointment on him.
I never agreed to the rubbing.
You can't dot now.
Everyone will see the transformation.
Well, maybe we can get him into the Sub Station.
That's usually pretty empty.
That's a good idea, Harper.
Let's go get him.
Folks, let's give a big ol' "Yee-haw" to the young'uns joining our shindig! Yee-haw! No, no, no, no, no, no, we're just getting our friend.
No, no, no.
No one steps on my floor without dancin'.
Now, keep up, 'cause Everett slows down his do-si-dos for nobody.
See how fast I said "do-si-dos"? Five, six, seven, eight Circle to the left around you now Circle to the right like you're herding a cow Hey, look at me, I'm square dancin'! Do-si-do, then stack that wood And I'm a British guy square dancin'! Now swing that gal like you know you should Yee-haw! - Allemande left - We're pretty good at this, huh? Oop! Sorry, maybe not so good.
I got you.
Everyone now be friends in the middle - And carry your plates - Guys! Focus! Zombie 'Tate is creeping people out! Um Do the one where they switch partners! Whoo! Looks like we got a fan, folks! Five, six, seven, eight! Into the middle where it's stock the hay Then trade your partner in a right-hand way Now, grab that lady by the arm And show her around that great big farm There's a horse, there's a cow, there's a chicken Uh-oh.
Uh Free El DiabChili to all square dancers! What? Free? I paid 300 dollars for that pepper! - I need a distraction.
- El Diablo? Sounds exotic.
I gotta try me some of that.
Oh! My eyes are burning! It's a Diablo! It's too spicy! Go, Alex, go! It's OK, zombie.
It's just medicine.
We're helping you.
Where am I? What happened? That depends.
What do you remember last? I was in my apartment building Great.
We'll start there.
Um We found you wandering around your building.
Yes, and you were sick and out of it.
Do you remember any of this, Mr.
Laritate? I was on my way to Frontier Days Yes, yes! Yes, and you are here! So why don't you get out there and start square dancing? Land sakes, they've already started?! I hope they haven't danced the Topeka Two Step yet.
That's my big finishing move.
There you go.
Yee-haw, Laritate! That man loves to square dance.
I'd have to say I quite enjoyed it as well.
Well, maybe because you had such a good partner.
I did.
Listen, Alex I know I'm caught up in the moment, and you don't want to hear this Oh.
I was just gonna talk about our relationship.
Not that I didn't love that a lot, actually.
But wait, what happened to us being just friends? Well, running around with you today made me realize something.
We can't stay broken up.
We're too good together.
Yippie-ki-ay! And now we're broken up again.
I don't understand.
According to my records, this floor should not exist.
No, I don't want to be your roommate! Good news, everybody.
Mason and I are back together.
Yay! Why is nobody clapping? I won't be walking the hallways moping anymore.
Justin, what are you doing here? Professor Crumbs thinks we should all leave.
Like, right now.
Yes.
It would be in everyone's best interest to get as far away from this place as possible.
I sense a great evil at work here.
I know this is getting a little long-winded, but I can't stress enough that we have to get out of this building.
He's an Angel of Darkness! That's right.
And I'm here to collect your rent.
Just kidding.
You can keep the rent.
- That's Felix's wand! You stole Felix's wand! - It was you? Felix, you can have your wand back and so much more if you do what I ask of you.
Don't you want your wand back? Without it, you're just another delinquent.
- Felix, what are you doing? - I'm joining the dark side.
Felix, do this spell my robot stole from the Russos' Lair.
That was your robot? Felix, don't do it.
Be strong! Make these troubles no more, go in through the out door.
OK.
Come on, everybody.
We've gotta get out of here.
Let's take the stairs! It's no use, Justin.
He cast the "In Through the Out Door" spell.
We're all trapped here? Yes you are.
Never mind.
Just look at the evil wings.
Grab that partner Don't be tense Move in a way that makes no sense Free chili! Get your free chili! I'd love a free bowl of chili.
The lifeblood of the American plains people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just eat it.
Fire in the hole! That is one hot chili! Give me some water.
That'll be ten dollars.
For water? Fine, I'll pay anything to get rid of this burn in my mouth.
This could work.
Free chili! Get your free chili! Back on home for dinnertime