Lexx s04e24 Episode Script

Sorry, Gentlemen, more questions.
Today is a happy day.
The Earth has been saved, the alien mother ship has been destroyed, and all the bad carrots have stopped working.
Yes, it is a good day.
Of course, Tokyo and much of coastal Japan have been laid waste, but we don't really care about that, do we? First Lady Bunny and I are going to celebrate by cancelling all appointments, taking the week off and having fun.
The rest of you can go back to work, or do whatever it is you do, so good luck, good day, and -- what? What? Well, that was President Priest addressing America and the world regarding the historic defeat of the most dangerous threat our planet has ever faced That is, until he was interrupted by something important, I suppose -- Mr President! When the asteroid was destroyed by the Lexx and all the bad carrots all over the world stopped working, it was assumed that the alien threat had ended.
However, there's been a small development.
Actually, a rather large development, Mr President.
We now think that the asteroid that landed off Japan may not have been the actual alien mother ship - but just a small probe, or rather a decoy sent out in advance of the much larger mother ship.
Larger? How much larger? Wasn't the first asteroid rather huge? The first asteroid was about the size of the city of Tokyo, and the second one, now approaching Earth, appears to be about twice the size of the moon.
First Lady Bunny and I have to get off this planet right away.
You can arrange that, can't you, General Klebstock? Mr President.
What's this? You were shot down over Vietnam during the war, were you not, Mr President? Yes, yes, of course - but what's that got to do with this funny hat? The only hope that the human race has left is to fight the aliens one on one when the asteroid gets here.
We've gotta send up everything we have - every stealth fighter, every F16, every last Vietnam era F4.
All serving pilots and former pilots are gonna have to do their duty.
Even you, Mr President.
We're going to lick those aliens.
We'll go down like men.
What kind of a planet should we find now, huh? Say, a happy nature one or hot party one, or a sex starved women in prison one, hot men with big members one? I remind you that we are in the darkest part of the Dark Zone.
There are very few good planets in this universe, and even fewer in this part of it.
- He's right.
- Prince?! You're dead.
How come you're here? Yes, Xev, I am dead.
Or rather more accurately, I'm Death.
You see, when I was ruler of the planet Fire, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I was never quite sure of exactly who I was.
And then, it all became clear.
First the planet Fire was destroyed, then my body here on Earth, and now the Earth itself has a date with destiny.
So you see, I'm not just Prince - I'm also Death.
You're Death.
What's that suppose to mean? Death is a familiar face, Stanley - my face, that has appeared to people throughout the ages when they were about to die.
And then, when they did die, I was there to welcome them to the other side, so to speak.
And why are you here now? That's a very good question , Xev.
But since the Lexx destroyed Fire and Water, there is no afterlife.
Is there? And all the dead from Fire and Water, like you and President Priest, you all went down to Earth, which is one big reason why we never wanna go back down there.
But you will, Stanley.
As I said, the Earth is about to have a date with destiny, and you are a very important part of that.
No! We are never going back there.
No way, no how.
And you can say whatever you want, we don't believe you - you're a liar.
Yeah, you're just trying to scare us again, aren't you? So what's your real plan? What trick are you up to now? No tricks, Xev.
As I said, mine is the face that appears to people before they're about to die.
Just before their death.
- How do you do that? - He's an evil spirit.
Oh yeah, he is an evil spirit, and that's why I don't believe anything he says.
Look, he's just trying to spook us.
What do you think he meant by Earth having a date with destiny? I do not know.
Look, Prince is a trickster, he's just playing games with our heads, there's nothing more to him.
No, but really - how can he just appear and disappear like this? Like I said, he's an evil spirit, that's what they do.
If Prince is the personification of Death, as he says, his visit here would have a specific purpose.
Well Kai, you're dead.
Did Prince appear to you just before you died? - No.
- Well, see, he's a liar! What if he's not a liar? What if he really is Death, who was he here to visit - you, me, us, all of us? The more the merrier, I say.
Kai's already dead, so that means it has to be either you or Stan, and preferably both.
Look, but anyway, none of this matters.
You know Prince is connected to Earth, and we are never going back there, contrary to what he says - ever! Lexx, I command you to speed up.
I command you to go as fast as you can away from that planet that we just came from, that we never want to go back to.
Lexx, can you hear me? Could you repeat that, please? I did not hear all of it.
I command you to speed up, I command you to go as fast as you can.
Did you hear that? Yes.
So? Could you please repeat the command? I forget what you said.
Lexx, I command you to go at full speed.
Lexx, are you going at full speed? No, Captain, I am not.
Why? Because I am very, very tired and do not have the energy to do so.
The Noah is finally complete.
I thank you all for your hard work and dedication.
Truly sorry that I cannot bring you all along with me, but those left behind will die comforted by the knowledge that they have helped save the human species.
You are arranged in alphabetical order, I will read the names of those selected in that same order.
I ask those selected to step forward and board the Noah as soon as they are called.
Anderson, S.
Ashcroft, P.
Cross, H.
You're mine, Dr Longbore.
So? So, the Lexx is getting senile.
What do you mean, senile? What I mean, love slave with no education, is that when living things get old, they often suffer from progressive senile dementia.
The Lexx is a living thing, and he's on the way out.
But he's only 6000 years old, that's not old for a giant living insect craft.
Yes, it is.
The Lexx is coming to the end of his natural life span.
Lexx, I command you not to die on us - at least, not until we find ourselves a decent planet.
Don't worry - he did not hear your utterly insensitive remark.
He's also getting hard of hearing.
We gotta find ourselves a new planet, we gotta find ourselves a new home fast.
But how? Most of the planets around here have been all destroyed by Lyekka.
Kai, is it true what 790 says? The evidence points to that conclusion.
Maybe that's why Prince was here - to visit the Lexx.
I'm getting a headache.
What do we do? There is only one choice.
It's a bad choice, I don't wanna make it.
We have to.
No, we don't have to! There's gotta be another way.
Kai, is there any other way? No.
Stan, we don't want to be stuck in the middle of space.
The Noah vessel which Dr Longbore is building using technology supplied by 790 should be completed by now.
Well! Lexx I command you to turn around and head back to Earth.
As you command, Captain.
I hope Longbore hasn't finished the Noah and is long gone.
And finally, Zimmerman, B.
I understand your disappointment at not having been selected for the voyage, but all is not doom and gloom for you.
Some time ago I instructed the bots that built the Noah to begin building a small but ultra dense particle collider, based on the advanced technology used in the Noah's drive system.
This collider is now operational.
Not long after the Noah leaves this planet - Without us! - the collider will reach the energy level required to determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson.
Achieving this energy level will of course also destroy this planet by collapsing it into an ultra dense particle about the size of a pea.
But you will die knowing the true mass of the final building block of nature.
You know how hard we all worked for you, Dr Longbore, and a lot of us are really disappointed with the crew you chose.
I mean, we can't help but notice that none of the guys were selected, except for yourself.
And the only girls you're taking are the good looking ones! I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but you know full well that all selections were based purely upon my superior sense of smell to determine the histocompatability of those needed to build a better human race.
We don't agree, Dr Longbore.
The selection is not fair.
We did the work, not them.
We deserve to go on the Noah.
You are not selected and that is that.
Now behave like adults and accept your fate.
And you should thank me for letting you share in the joy of discovering the mass of the Higgs-Boson.
We don't care about the Higgs-Boson! We just wanna get off the planet before the aliens get us.
We did the work! We have a right to go! Did you not think that I would anticipate the possibility that those rejected might respond aggressively? All you've achieved is to confirm how right I am to leave you behind.
Goodbye.
You know, General Klebstock, when you spend 30 years in the jungle, you forget a lot of things - especially things like flying airplanes.
Don't worry, Mr President.
As soon as you strap yourself in, it all comes back.
Mr President! I forgot something, I have to get it.
Mr President, the whole world's watching you.
The whole world can wait, I forgot - my toothbrush.
And I can't fly without it, it's bad luck, you know? Terrible bad luck, so I have to fetch it - won't be long.
I've got one, Mr President! Save the Earth, Mr President.
I'm going too.
Er I'm sorry, it's not permitted.
But I have to be with the President! You don't have to go Bunny.
It doesn't matter.
It does too matter.
I have to be with you.
You're a brave woman, First Lady Bunny.
Wish I could say the same for your husband.
Bunny, I I have a confession to make.
What, Mr President? I don't know how to fly this plane - I mean, I'm not a pilot, I'm not a war hero and I never was in Vietnam.
I'm a really a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad man, from a bad, bad, bad planet called Fire, and I came here with Prince after that planet was destroyed.
Bunny, I'm an alien.
The only reason I became President is because Prince was able to put it into people's minds to vote for me.
That's OK, Mr President.
Why? Because you're still my President and I love you.
Really, why? It's just the way I am.
Bunny, I can't fly this plane.
Well, I don't care - I'm going with you.
Really, Bunny, stay behind.
For what? Come on, Mr President.
Let's get up there and kick some alien butt! But all these buttons and knobs - I don't know what any of them do! Well, just keep pushing them until something happens - I mean, it can't be that hard, it's not rocket surgery.
Yes, yes - I suppose we can do that, can't we? Ha! Yeah! Ha, ha! And there you have it.
President Reginald J Priest and First Lady Bunny, taking to the skies to fight the alien menace.
And now, a brief look at the weather.
Well, the weather's looking bad.
It's bad here, bad there - bad everywhere.
Nasty alien creatures raining down from the skies, devouring all life on this planet.
And what does that mean to you, you ask? It means you're mine.
You're all mine.
Mr President.
My Prince! Push that stick thing to the left as you pull back on it.
- This one? - Yes.
Very good.
Now, pull slowly back on the blue handle.
Oh, thank you.
I always knew you cared for me.
As a matter of fact I don't care for you at all - but, from time to time you have proved useful, and as I'm in need of your services right now, your death would be quite inconvenient.
I'll do anything you say.
You are my Prince.
Yes, I am.
The Lexx is so slow now.
How much longer is this going to take? I am sorry but I am doing my best.
Lexx answered me.
Lexx, who is your captain? You are my captain, Stan.
That's right.
Why did you answer Xev? Oh.
I am sorry.
I got mixed up.
I thought she was my captain.
I am very, very tired.
Lexx, can you make it back to Earth? I think I can, Captain Stan.
We are being assisted by the sun's gravity.
It will not take long now.
Oh, Lyekka, Lyekka, Lyekka.
Can the Lexx's weapon blow it up without destroying the planet? Well, we'll soon find out, won't we? What we'll find out is if the Lexx's weapon still works at all.
Lexx, I command you -- Stan? Yes, Lexx? I like to blow up planets, and you like to blow them up too.
You are my favourite captain.
That's good Lexx.
Do you see that big alien asteroid thing that is attached to the Earth? Yes, I do Stan.
And Stan? Yes, Lexx? I'm going to miss you.
I'm going I'm going to miss you too, Lexx.
So, Lexx, I command you to fire a small shot with your weapon at that asteroid that blows it up, but does not blow up the planet.
Do you understand? Yes, I like to blow up planets but I will fire just a small shot.
At the asteroid, Lexx, not at the planet.
OK, Captain.
OK, Lexx, that's good, that was a start.
You did not blow up the planet.
I want you to fire another shot at the asteroid, only this time give it everything you got.
As you command, Captain.
No, no, no, no, no, Lexx! I told you to give it everything you've got! I did, Captain Stan.
I am very, very tired.
I think I cannot fire any more shots now.
I think I have to rest.
No, Lexx, no.
Lexx? He's old and exhausted and his weapon is out of juice.
You should have told him to give it all he's got on the first shot, but you didn't, because you're a pathetic no-good loser.
Shut up, 790.
OK, space slut.
So, what do we do now? Let the Lexx rest, and see if he recovers enough strength to destroy the asteroid.
In the meantime, I suggest that we determine the state of Dr Longbore's Noah vessel.
I really, really, really don't wanna go back to that planet.
Look, I do not like this.
Do you have any better ideas? No I don't - wish I did.
And Prince, you know - why did he have to say he was Death? Makes me feel even less good about going back to Earth.
Stanley, Xev, stay close to me - no matter what happens.
Huh - don't worry, I will.
I'll stay close to you, Kai.
Planets.
Blowing up planets.
Yes, Captain.
No, no, no I don't like little drone arms that fly around.
You remember them? Perhaps I do and perhaps I don't.
But do you? I do.
I forget things, and sometimes I remember them again - or maybe not.
But you haven't forgotten how to blow up planets? I like blowing up planets.
Whiish - bang - boom! I do too.
That's good.
It is good.
Very, very good.
- And, Lexx? - Yes? I've looked forward to having a conversation like this with you for a long, long time.
Ready, Bunnykins? I think so! Remove the big red plate and prepare to press the orange button underneath it.
- This one? - Yes, that one.
And when do I push it? Now! Sorry, but Prince told us.
We've got to go, and you've got to stay.
Bye bye! This is my vessel.
I built it and you have no right to take it away from me.
Maybe not, but we have.
Sorry, that's the way things are.
Bye! Now, what do we do? Determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson, of course.
There's something else we can do.
Kai? Kai, are you there? We love you, Kai, and we want you to rescue us.
We'll do anything that you want as long as you rescue us from this doomed planet.
- Doomed planet is right.
- Kai! Lexx? Are you feeling rested? I am still very, very tired, but I think I am less tired than I was.
And is your weapon charged up and ready to perform again? I don't think I can perform yet, but I think I will be able to in a little while.
That's OK, Lexx - we've got all night.
And, Lexx? Yes? As soon as you feel you can rise to the occasion, I would like you to do a little favour for me.
What's that? Blow up that ugly blue planet.
Are you my captain? Well technically, no, but you can consider me your friend - at least in an artificial and temporary sort of way.
I only do what my captain says.
Seeing as you're getting stupider by the minute, we'll work on that.
And for the record, all that matters to me is that in blowing up that planet, you destroy everyone who is after Kai.
Longbore's ship, where's Longbore's ship? Gone, gone.
Will you take us to the Lexx? No.
Why not? The Lexx is dying.
Getting to the Lexx is our only hope.
Earth is finished.
Even if those aliens don't destroy the Earth, this will.
What is this? It's a super high energy particle collider.
Dr Longbore used the bots that built the Noah to make it.
It's just warming up now, but once it reaches the power level needed to determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson - - it will destroy the Earth! - by collapsing it into an ultra dense particle, about the size of a pea.
Your best hope is that Lexx is able to summon up enough energy in order to fire one last shot that will destroy the alien asteroid, but he has reached his natural end, and he will die soon.
How long since Dr Longbore left? Longbore didn't leave.
He got burnt up when the Noah took off.
Well then, who took it? It looked a lot like President Priest and First Lady Bunny.
So, how long ago did they leave? Not long at all - I'm sure you'd have seen 'em, 'cept for the clouds.
We've gotta go after them.
Be careful now! Kai - Kai, are you coming? No.
Why not? When Prince, or rather Death, visited the Lexx, he was there for me.
I don't understand, how can that be - you're dead already.
Kai, Xev, we're wasting time here, we've got to go.
When I died before, I was put into a state that was not life, but also not complete death.
That is why I was not visited by Prince.
My demise was not final.
But this time, he has visited me, so now it will be.
But how can you know that he came for you, instead of me or Stan or the Lexx? I felt it.
Excuse me for interrupting, but the Noah, our only chance of escape, is getting away.
You can try to catch the Noah, but it flies much faster than our moths.
OK, well, you tell me what other choice we got.
The aliens that are consuming this planet will likely continue until they have predated all life in this universe.
I must stop them.
Yeah, well, how? I will use a moth to tow the Higgs-Boson collider into the asteroid.
When it reaches full power it should trigger a chain reaction that will destroy the alien vessel.
But the Lexx is going to destroy the asteroid with his last shot.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps not.
In any event, I must be prepared to enter the asteroid with the collider.
But you're decarbonised, Divine Assassin.
You won't be destroyed, will you? My molecular structure has been altered on a subatomic level.
I would not normally be destroyed by such an event.
What do you mean, normally? What, what are you, what are you saying, saying that's gonna be different this time? I do not know.
But I feel that it will be.
Feel, what do you mean, feel? Feel? The dead don't feel.
No, they do not.
Goodbye, Xev.
I'm sorry that I have not been able to love you in the way that you wanted me to.
Don't talk like that.
Hey, come on now, Kai.
Look, Xev is right, here.
I hate it when the dead get feelings.
Look, let's all just go, OK, and we'll catch up with the Noah, and the Lexx'll destroy the asteroid and everything will be just fine.
Goodbye, Stanley.
No, no, Kai, not goodbye, because we need you, OK, because, see, when we catch up with the Noah then we're gonna need you there to use your brace to get us into it.
Go now.
The longer you stay, the less likely it is that you will catch the Noah.
No, not without you.
Yes, Stanley.
Go.
Come on, Xev.
Kai's right, we gotta go.
I can't say goodbye.
I can't say it either, Xev, but we gotta go.
You take care, dead man.
I love you, Kai.
Come on, Xev - we gotta go.
Kai's right.
- Lexx? - What? Nothing.
- Lexx? - What? Nothing.
- Lexx? - Yes, Captain? Lexx, I order you to use every last bit of juice you've got to blow up that ugly blue planet.
As you command, Captain.
Goodbye Earth, and hip hip hoorah! And goodbye, Stan and Xev - even better! Kai.
Do you remember me agreeing to make you truly alive again if you defeated me in our little game of chess? Yes.
And now you are delivering on that promise.
Exactly.
Cheery bye! Free at last! Goodbye, little blue planet.
The Lexx destroyed the Earth, beloved dead man, because Captain 790 ordered him to do so.
You're still alive, security guard? How disappointing.
I am too.
Even worse! What is going on is that Lexx has lost his mind completely.
He has no idea who his captain is anymore.
Studman Stan.
Lexx Captain Number One.
The universe is glowing.
One last good bang.
Will the Lexx be able to manage another shot to destroy the asteroid? Don't think so.
He shot his entire wad.
Blew up his last planet and now it's game over for the big bug.
Of course.
People on Earth were after my man - if not actually, then potentially, so the planet had to be destroyed.
Any robot head in my position would have done the same.
Not evil - just obsessed.
No, not just obsessed - you are evil, and I hope I never see you again.
Fine by me.
Stan, look left! Kai, the aliens are after us now.
Kai, we have to Kai, you're different.
Prince has delivered on his promise and made me - truly alive.
That's , that's That's Prince - he's made Kai alive so he's gonna die when the collider explodes.
If you get the collider into the asteroid, you can leave it behind and then get out as fast as you can, you hear me? I will try to do that, Xev.
They're going faster! They're ignoring us, Kai, and going after you.
Oh, Stan, what are you doing? Xev, Kai, listen to me.
Lexx is dying, the Noah's gone, that stupid robot blew up the planet, and Xev, let's face it, we're doomed.
So look - if it's really the end for us, and those aliens are going to go on, they're gonna wipe up every bit of humanity on every planet in this universe.
And as a human being I'm gonna go down fighting.
Yeah.
So what do you say, Xev? Let's go, captain.
Kai, we're with you buddy.
We are with you.
Any alien that gets close to you is going to get its ass bit by a cluster lizard.
We have to find an opening in the asteroid, before the chain reaction starts.
There's no openings around here anywhere.
We have to go to the other side of the asteroid, where it was attached to the Earth.
It may have suffered damage there from the explosion.
Please don't die on me.
Please Kai, you're even better than before.
Don't die on me now.
Time for a nose job! Hey, look.
Kai, I can't see you anymore, are you all right? I am all right.
I can't see a thing.
Neither can I.
Stan, where's Kai? Kai, where are you? Kai, talk to us.
Yeah, look, Kai, the asteroid's all closed up.
We're outside, we can't see you anywhere.
Where are you? I am inside the asteroid.
Yo way yo.
Yo way yo, hom var ray, yo ay ra, jerum Brunnen G.
Yo way yo, hom var ray, yo ay ra, jerum Brunnen G, yo ay ra, jerum Brunnen G.
Kai! Kai! Goodbye, dead man.
Goodbye, last of the Brunnen G.
Hey, Xev, look! Oh, Lexx - you're amazing.
Oh, Lexx, I love you.
Wow! Who are you? I don't know.
I am Stanley H.
Tweedle, your captain.
You are? Yes, I am.
And what do you command me to do, Captain? Find us a new home, Little Lexx.
Little Lexx - find us a new home.
As you command, Captain.
So, Mr President, First Lady Bunny - our journey finally begins.
Exactly as you always planned.
You are my Prince.
Yes, I am.
A poem for Kai, called Ten Thousand Tears, by 790, the robot head who loved him.
This epic poem will have ten thousand new lines each day and I will recite it for ten thousand years until my power pack fails.
Canto 1, verse 1, line 1: Oh Kai, oh Kai, oh Kai, Why did you have to die? Oh woe, oh woe, oh woe, Ten thousand years to go.
based on: HELEN (ïðàâêà è ëèòåðàòóðíàÿ îáðàáîòêà)