Will and Grace s04e24 Episode Script
A Buncha White Chicks Sittin' Around Talkin'
Ok, What do you wanna see? how 'bout something French like with two girls kissing? It's my day off I don't feel like reading Hey, sweetie We're thinking about going to a movie What do you wanna see? Anything but a documentary It's my day off I don't wanna learn What's up with the wine? Mrs.
Friedman from downstairs gave it to me It's actually a wonderful story She and her husband were saving itfor a special occasion but then he, uh, died before they had a chance to open it so she gave it to me and said "Make your own special occasion" I guess that story's not so much wonderful as it is incredibly sad You know what else is incredibly sad? Poor people with big dreams Actually, that's not so much sad as it is incredibly funny You know, we should do this We should save that wine for a special occasion You know, something where-- where the four of us have all done something that we're incredibly proud of You know, we can wait 20 years if we have to Ah, screw it.
Open it I wanna have a buzz for the movies One step ahead of you I never gave a crap about Mr.
Friedman You know I hope I don't have any regrets like that when I'm 75 I know How do you deal with it, Karen? Oh! Oh, Wilma I have so much money You know the one thing I really wanna do before i die? Run the marathon It would be such a feeling of accomplishment Mile one, down Mile 2, down Mile 3, down Mile 4, down - All right! - We get it, we get it, we get it! You know what I've always wanted to do? Perform on the Broadway stage The make up, the wigs the costumes And then I'd walk to the theater You know there is something I've been putting off for a long time And I've avoided it because well frankly it scares me a little I'm supposed to have a conjugal visit with Stan You know what? We should do all of these things Oh, come on, honey that's easy for you to say All you gotta do is run a lousy marathon Stan weighs 5,000 pounds It's 26 miles just circling him! No, I'm serious I'm tired of talking about it all the time I am going to train for the marathon and I am going to do it You know what, G? I'm gonna audition for a Broadway play because if I can't make it there I can't make it anyplace Hey! I'm gonna boink my fat husband in prison Well, I need to drink to that Come on, Kar What do you think we should get facials or colonics? I don't know Let's flip a coin for it Heads or tails? So long! Ah well, you've been a little quiet Isn't there something you wanna do before it's too late? Well, there's something I wanna have a baby, you know I wanna have a child And you should someday You're gonna make a terrific father Yeah, But I wanna do it now And I wanna do it with you Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Buncha white chicks) ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ-³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ I guess you're one of those therapists that likes us to start I hate that I mean, I--I don't hate you just your methods I don't know you well enough to hate you Not to suggest that if I did know you I would hate you but I guess it is always a possibility I mean, if you said something hateful, I-- $4 a minute, Grace Ok, Let me just get you up to speed Gay Straight Gentile Jew Sold We've been best friends for, like one day we'd have a baby together And I wanna do it now and she's not so sure and ever since I brought it up she's been avoiding me and we've been having stupid fights I haven't been avoiding you You have, too! I--I--I come in the room and you scurry behind the couch like a silverfish Do you have to go to the anti-Semitic place? What are you talking about? Silver fish? Silverberg? Gefilte fish? We get it You see, this would be one of the stupid fights Rosie, hi Listen to this They don't even let you turn the lights out I can't have sex with Stan if I can see him! How am I supposed to have a conjugal watchin' that con jiggle?! Yeah, Ok Thanks, honey See you back at the mans I'm in the nude for love Scooba da boo, salami Just in case he forgets his way What the? A security camera?! Oh, I cannot believe this! Oh, whatever happened to privacy? I am outraged I'm appalled! I'mI'm turned on! Hot jazz! What's that you say? Sure, he can dance but can he sing? Maria.
I just met a "girl" named Maria and suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be "Maria," say~~~ what does that mean right there? What's going on there? 'Cause that's in my sightline, ok? You know, um, when they flash the red light at the duplex that means they want the guy to get off the stage! Oh, no, I'm not leaving No, I'm not getting off this stage I--I--I'm gonna read for your play and do you know why? Because I want it to be a runaway hit! Hey! Hey! You don't even know who I am! You don't even know what I can offer! Why, I could--I could be the next Sir Judi Dench or Dame Ian McKellen! Do you really wanna be known as the producers who passed that up? Oh, my god, it totally worked Ok, look I don't know if I'm ready for this I mean, there's a lot of things? I wanna do with my life and I don't know if I can do it with a baby I wanna travel the world Anywhere Everywhere You know, as long as it's clean and they speak English and it's safe You've just narrowed your world travel plans down to Denver Grace, what is the problem? What are you-- what are you doing here? We've always talked about doing this / I know-- And you're always making us stop in front of baby gap to go "aw!" at the little high tops And the-- and the little baby backpacks! I mean, why would a baby need a backpack? Maybe to carry stuff to his homies' cribs I don't know! Let's just have a baby and find out Come on what's holding you back? - I don't know It's just-- - what? I--I guess a part of me does wanna have a baby, but Grace, it's me If there's something you wanna say, just say it I'm just not sure I wanna do it with you What are you.
What do you mean you don't wanna do it with me? For years, we've talked about how we're gonna do this! When my--when my friend Claire wanted my sperm so she could have a baby you said no because it was your sperm! You practically planted a flag in my testicles! Well, that's because it is my sperm But it's my safety sperm You know, like the safety school? You--you apply to college and it's the one school, you know you're gonna get into just in case everything else falls through You're saying my sperm is Florida State? Look, it-- it was a fallback position It was always the thing that I was gonna do if I didn't find Mr Right and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to give up on that yet Yeah, well, you know you're probably right I mean, just 'cause it didn't work out with Danny or Nathan or Josh or Ben or Bill or Mark or Six-Toe or Unibrow It doesn't mean it won't work out with that pizza guy you've been eyeing I'm sure you two will be very happy together, you know with your three beautiful children Pepperoni, Mushroom and Extra Cheese That was mean You know, this is all very easy for you I have the kid ,You're a dad You're happy But who am I in all this? The mom of my gay roommate's baby? That's not exactly the family I dreamed of Well, you--you think this is my dream? I never thought I'd have a child this way! I assumed I'd be with a guy! You know Rick, and six years into the relationship when we got tired of running a bed and breakfast in Vermont we'd decide to have a family Ok, well, what about Rick? Where is Rick? Is he in the TV room where you spend every Saturday night? Does he appear on the gay channel that you added and don't think I know about? I mean, you sat here and you listed my--my failures! At least I have failures to list! At least I tried! You haven't had a serious relationship in five years! No, I haven't! Well, then maybe you need to ask yourself why you want this baby Is it because you are so full of love? And there's no one in your life?? And so now you wanna make a little guy or girl to give it to? So what? Isn't that a perfectly good reason to have a baby? I mean, isn't it? Isn't it? It isn't, is it? So you're really going to watch us have sex? Well, honey it isn't going to be pretty The good news is it isn't going to be long either And it should be pretty quick, too I like you Stanley? Hi, sweetheart Oh, I know it's been so long I can't wait to run up and throw my arms two-thirds of the way around you So come on-- What? What do you mean you're not coming? What happened? You, son of a bitch How could you do this to me? Well, it's been fun, cammie but I'm outta here Yeah The bastard used his library time to do a little insider trading They found out now he's going to be in for a lot longer Why couldn't he use his library time to read the Bible or expose himself to the newbies like the rest of the boys on Cellblock Fat? What?! No, you listen I've been putting on a brave face for eight months well, eight months ago in Brazil I had one put on But do you think this has been easy for me? Well, it hasn't But I thought you were getting out soon so I held on? so that we could start our lives over And then you go and do this you screwed up, Stan No, I don't-- no, I don't know if I can forgive you And I'll tell you something else Mr Walker I'm tired, and I don't know if I can do this anymore Did you know about this? And you didn`t tell me You should be ashamed of yourself I guess I just got caught up in the romantic notion of what it would be like to have a baby with her, you know? I mean, you'd be all gorgeous and pregnant and glowing and booby and when you had the baby I'd be in the delivery room When you were pushing and screaming at me to rot in hell I would And we'd raise him with the values that were important to us Respect for other people's opinions except for you know ones that were different than ours On his first date with a girl--or a boy Or if it's a girl, a boy or a girl we'd be home all nervous and waiting but acting like we weren't Then one day when he went off to college we'd wave good-bye and look at each other and say "You know what?" "We did a good job" I want to have a baby with you! Let's see "Please, Mr O'Shaughnessy I'm begging you" "I can't stand out here any longer in this unbearable" "heat" Oh it's hot "We need food or else I fear my family will perish" "and my harp will break" "heart" "My heart will break" I said "harp will break" Did you hear that? Harp! Bblllingg Bing! Harp! Where was I? Let's see, OK! "Deirdre's got no milk for the wee one and the oldest girl is dead" Harp! I can't believe I said harp! That is the funniest I thought the "P" was a "T" That's so funny Ok, ok, wait "So please I'm begging you" "it's only a loaf of bread to you but for us, it's life" Let me-- let me try that again "It's only a loaf of bread to you" "it's only a loaf of bread" "It's only" I'm just going to stop Ok, I just.
.
it's just, um This isn't It's me I'm not good, am I? Wait, don't answer that I already know All these years everybody keeps telling me Thanks for your time, though You can, um, put your red light on now 'cause I-- I'm done with all of this I'm not an actor Really, it's ok You can turn it on And scene I can't.
I, uh I'm so confused You-- you want to have a baby now? I do Do you? I don't! What? But the reason we're here is because you wanted to have a baby I did, but then you talked me out of it But then you talked me into it with all your talk about talking me out of it But you haven't talked me back into it with all your talk of--of-- Talk me back into it! Oh, this is ridiculous We don't sound like two people who should be having a child This is something we should be sure of Yeah, you're right I mean it'sit's not like super-sizing a happy meal Yeah, 'cause that's always a yes Will, we can do this I don't see how I can I mean what if-- w-what if I am doing this for all the wrong reasons? What difference does it make what your reasons are for wanting to love a child? Isn't the most important thing the love part? And as far as I'm concerned if Mr Right and the father of my child turns out to be two different people would that be so bad? What? We got a million reasons not to do this but I I just keep imagining this kid in some cosmic waiting room and he's our kid And I'd really like to meet him Me, too Are we doing this? I mean, are we going to have a baby? Oh, my god I guess we are! Well, we have two minutes left Is there anything we haven't covered? I don't know After something that huge it's kind of hard to, uh She never cleans up and it really bugs me It's just a response to his compulsiveness Everything in the refrigerator has to face forward How else are you going to know what it is, huh? Say something!
Friedman from downstairs gave it to me It's actually a wonderful story She and her husband were saving itfor a special occasion but then he, uh, died before they had a chance to open it so she gave it to me and said "Make your own special occasion" I guess that story's not so much wonderful as it is incredibly sad You know what else is incredibly sad? Poor people with big dreams Actually, that's not so much sad as it is incredibly funny You know, we should do this We should save that wine for a special occasion You know, something where-- where the four of us have all done something that we're incredibly proud of You know, we can wait 20 years if we have to Ah, screw it.
Open it I wanna have a buzz for the movies One step ahead of you I never gave a crap about Mr.
Friedman You know I hope I don't have any regrets like that when I'm 75 I know How do you deal with it, Karen? Oh! Oh, Wilma I have so much money You know the one thing I really wanna do before i die? Run the marathon It would be such a feeling of accomplishment Mile one, down Mile 2, down Mile 3, down Mile 4, down - All right! - We get it, we get it, we get it! You know what I've always wanted to do? Perform on the Broadway stage The make up, the wigs the costumes And then I'd walk to the theater You know there is something I've been putting off for a long time And I've avoided it because well frankly it scares me a little I'm supposed to have a conjugal visit with Stan You know what? We should do all of these things Oh, come on, honey that's easy for you to say All you gotta do is run a lousy marathon Stan weighs 5,000 pounds It's 26 miles just circling him! No, I'm serious I'm tired of talking about it all the time I am going to train for the marathon and I am going to do it You know what, G? I'm gonna audition for a Broadway play because if I can't make it there I can't make it anyplace Hey! I'm gonna boink my fat husband in prison Well, I need to drink to that Come on, Kar What do you think we should get facials or colonics? I don't know Let's flip a coin for it Heads or tails? So long! Ah well, you've been a little quiet Isn't there something you wanna do before it's too late? Well, there's something I wanna have a baby, you know I wanna have a child And you should someday You're gonna make a terrific father Yeah, But I wanna do it now And I wanna do it with you Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Buncha white chicks) ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ-³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ I guess you're one of those therapists that likes us to start I hate that I mean, I--I don't hate you just your methods I don't know you well enough to hate you Not to suggest that if I did know you I would hate you but I guess it is always a possibility I mean, if you said something hateful, I-- $4 a minute, Grace Ok, Let me just get you up to speed Gay Straight Gentile Jew Sold We've been best friends for, like one day we'd have a baby together And I wanna do it now and she's not so sure and ever since I brought it up she's been avoiding me and we've been having stupid fights I haven't been avoiding you You have, too! I--I--I come in the room and you scurry behind the couch like a silverfish Do you have to go to the anti-Semitic place? What are you talking about? Silver fish? Silverberg? Gefilte fish? We get it You see, this would be one of the stupid fights Rosie, hi Listen to this They don't even let you turn the lights out I can't have sex with Stan if I can see him! How am I supposed to have a conjugal watchin' that con jiggle?! Yeah, Ok Thanks, honey See you back at the mans I'm in the nude for love Scooba da boo, salami Just in case he forgets his way What the? A security camera?! Oh, I cannot believe this! Oh, whatever happened to privacy? I am outraged I'm appalled! I'mI'm turned on! Hot jazz! What's that you say? Sure, he can dance but can he sing? Maria.
I just met a "girl" named Maria and suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be "Maria," say~~~ what does that mean right there? What's going on there? 'Cause that's in my sightline, ok? You know, um, when they flash the red light at the duplex that means they want the guy to get off the stage! Oh, no, I'm not leaving No, I'm not getting off this stage I--I--I'm gonna read for your play and do you know why? Because I want it to be a runaway hit! Hey! Hey! You don't even know who I am! You don't even know what I can offer! Why, I could--I could be the next Sir Judi Dench or Dame Ian McKellen! Do you really wanna be known as the producers who passed that up? Oh, my god, it totally worked Ok, look I don't know if I'm ready for this I mean, there's a lot of things? I wanna do with my life and I don't know if I can do it with a baby I wanna travel the world Anywhere Everywhere You know, as long as it's clean and they speak English and it's safe You've just narrowed your world travel plans down to Denver Grace, what is the problem? What are you-- what are you doing here? We've always talked about doing this / I know-- And you're always making us stop in front of baby gap to go "aw!" at the little high tops And the-- and the little baby backpacks! I mean, why would a baby need a backpack? Maybe to carry stuff to his homies' cribs I don't know! Let's just have a baby and find out Come on what's holding you back? - I don't know It's just-- - what? I--I guess a part of me does wanna have a baby, but Grace, it's me If there's something you wanna say, just say it I'm just not sure I wanna do it with you What are you.
What do you mean you don't wanna do it with me? For years, we've talked about how we're gonna do this! When my--when my friend Claire wanted my sperm so she could have a baby you said no because it was your sperm! You practically planted a flag in my testicles! Well, that's because it is my sperm But it's my safety sperm You know, like the safety school? You--you apply to college and it's the one school, you know you're gonna get into just in case everything else falls through You're saying my sperm is Florida State? Look, it-- it was a fallback position It was always the thing that I was gonna do if I didn't find Mr Right and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to give up on that yet Yeah, well, you know you're probably right I mean, just 'cause it didn't work out with Danny or Nathan or Josh or Ben or Bill or Mark or Six-Toe or Unibrow It doesn't mean it won't work out with that pizza guy you've been eyeing I'm sure you two will be very happy together, you know with your three beautiful children Pepperoni, Mushroom and Extra Cheese That was mean You know, this is all very easy for you I have the kid ,You're a dad You're happy But who am I in all this? The mom of my gay roommate's baby? That's not exactly the family I dreamed of Well, you--you think this is my dream? I never thought I'd have a child this way! I assumed I'd be with a guy! You know Rick, and six years into the relationship when we got tired of running a bed and breakfast in Vermont we'd decide to have a family Ok, well, what about Rick? Where is Rick? Is he in the TV room where you spend every Saturday night? Does he appear on the gay channel that you added and don't think I know about? I mean, you sat here and you listed my--my failures! At least I have failures to list! At least I tried! You haven't had a serious relationship in five years! No, I haven't! Well, then maybe you need to ask yourself why you want this baby Is it because you are so full of love? And there's no one in your life?? And so now you wanna make a little guy or girl to give it to? So what? Isn't that a perfectly good reason to have a baby? I mean, isn't it? Isn't it? It isn't, is it? So you're really going to watch us have sex? Well, honey it isn't going to be pretty The good news is it isn't going to be long either And it should be pretty quick, too I like you Stanley? Hi, sweetheart Oh, I know it's been so long I can't wait to run up and throw my arms two-thirds of the way around you So come on-- What? What do you mean you're not coming? What happened? You, son of a bitch How could you do this to me? Well, it's been fun, cammie but I'm outta here Yeah The bastard used his library time to do a little insider trading They found out now he's going to be in for a lot longer Why couldn't he use his library time to read the Bible or expose himself to the newbies like the rest of the boys on Cellblock Fat? What?! No, you listen I've been putting on a brave face for eight months well, eight months ago in Brazil I had one put on But do you think this has been easy for me? Well, it hasn't But I thought you were getting out soon so I held on? so that we could start our lives over And then you go and do this you screwed up, Stan No, I don't-- no, I don't know if I can forgive you And I'll tell you something else Mr Walker I'm tired, and I don't know if I can do this anymore Did you know about this? And you didn`t tell me You should be ashamed of yourself I guess I just got caught up in the romantic notion of what it would be like to have a baby with her, you know? I mean, you'd be all gorgeous and pregnant and glowing and booby and when you had the baby I'd be in the delivery room When you were pushing and screaming at me to rot in hell I would And we'd raise him with the values that were important to us Respect for other people's opinions except for you know ones that were different than ours On his first date with a girl--or a boy Or if it's a girl, a boy or a girl we'd be home all nervous and waiting but acting like we weren't Then one day when he went off to college we'd wave good-bye and look at each other and say "You know what?" "We did a good job" I want to have a baby with you! Let's see "Please, Mr O'Shaughnessy I'm begging you" "I can't stand out here any longer in this unbearable" "heat" Oh it's hot "We need food or else I fear my family will perish" "and my harp will break" "heart" "My heart will break" I said "harp will break" Did you hear that? Harp! Bblllingg Bing! Harp! Where was I? Let's see, OK! "Deirdre's got no milk for the wee one and the oldest girl is dead" Harp! I can't believe I said harp! That is the funniest I thought the "P" was a "T" That's so funny Ok, ok, wait "So please I'm begging you" "it's only a loaf of bread to you but for us, it's life" Let me-- let me try that again "It's only a loaf of bread to you" "it's only a loaf of bread" "It's only" I'm just going to stop Ok, I just.
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it's just, um This isn't It's me I'm not good, am I? Wait, don't answer that I already know All these years everybody keeps telling me Thanks for your time, though You can, um, put your red light on now 'cause I-- I'm done with all of this I'm not an actor Really, it's ok You can turn it on And scene I can't.
I, uh I'm so confused You-- you want to have a baby now? I do Do you? I don't! What? But the reason we're here is because you wanted to have a baby I did, but then you talked me out of it But then you talked me into it with all your talk about talking me out of it But you haven't talked me back into it with all your talk of--of-- Talk me back into it! Oh, this is ridiculous We don't sound like two people who should be having a child This is something we should be sure of Yeah, you're right I mean it'sit's not like super-sizing a happy meal Yeah, 'cause that's always a yes Will, we can do this I don't see how I can I mean what if-- w-what if I am doing this for all the wrong reasons? What difference does it make what your reasons are for wanting to love a child? Isn't the most important thing the love part? And as far as I'm concerned if Mr Right and the father of my child turns out to be two different people would that be so bad? What? We got a million reasons not to do this but I I just keep imagining this kid in some cosmic waiting room and he's our kid And I'd really like to meet him Me, too Are we doing this? I mean, are we going to have a baby? Oh, my god I guess we are! Well, we have two minutes left Is there anything we haven't covered? I don't know After something that huge it's kind of hard to, uh She never cleans up and it really bugs me It's just a response to his compulsiveness Everything in the refrigerator has to face forward How else are you going to know what it is, huh? Say something!