Full House s04e25 Episode Script
The Graduates
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
[***.]
HAVE YOU SEEN MY PIGGY? YOUR PIGGY? NO.
IS HE LOST? YES.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MICHELLE.
WHENEVER I LOSE A STUFFED ANIMAL, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT HELPS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT.
I PLAY THE BLUES.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT-- I'LL GET STARTED, AND THEN YOU TELL ME THE STORY.
* MICHELLE LOST HER PIGGY * * OH, WHERE COULD HE BE? * * HE'S NOT IN MY ROOM * * I JUST REMEMBERED * * I LEFT HIM IN THE KITCHEN * * MY BABY DONE LEFT ME * * LEFT ME FOR A PIG * * HE WASN'T VERY SMART * * BUT, MAN, HE MUST BE BIG * * YEAHOOH, OOH, YEAH ** THANK YOU, LADIES.
* WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV? * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE? * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** GOOD MORNING.
MORNING.
HEY, DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, YOUR WAFFLES ARE READY.
EVERYBODY GRAB A FORK.
IT'S ALL YOU CAN SCRAPE.
ACTUALLY, I'M IN A CEREAL MOOD THIS MORNING.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
YEAH, ME, TOO, ALSO.
SO, DANNY, HOW'D YOUR BLIND DATE GO LAST NIGHT? NOT SO GOOD.
WE PLAYED THE GUESS-YOUR-AGE GAME, AND SHE GUESSED I WAS 33.
THE NERVE OF THAT WOMAN.
YOU ARE 33.
SO IT'S COMMON COURTESY TO KNOCK OFF MAYBE SHE THOUGHT SHE DID.
DANNY, COME ON YOU DO HAVE A FEW GRAY HAIRS.
I DON'T HAVE ANY GRAY HAIRS.
SURE YOU DO.
THERE'S ONE RIGHT OW! THERE.
WAIT, I SEE ONE.
OH, LOOK.
I FOUND ONE, TOO.
YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
JUST LEAVE THEM HERE.
I MIGHT NEED THEM AS PLUGS FOR A HAIR TRANSPLANT.
HELLO, PEOPLE.
GOOD MORNING, MICHELLE.
HEY, MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
HOW OLD DO I LOOK? HMM.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
WANT TO HEAR MY GRADUATION SONG? GRADUATION SONG AGAIN? MICHELLE, NO OFFENSE, BUT THE WHEELS ON THE BUS IS NOT EXACTLY THE COOLEST SONG IN THE WORLD.
HIT IT.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ALL THROUGH THE TOWN * EVERYBODY! MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU WAIT AND SING THAT SONG IN THE CAR WITH THE OTHER KIDS? OK.
THANK YOU, JOEY.
NO PROBLEM, JESS.
IT'S YOUR DAY TO DRIVE CAR POOL.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO, MICHELLE.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS * * GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND ** Becky: BYE, SWEETHEART.
GOOD MORNING.
MORNING, GIRLS.
MORNING, GIRLS.
D.
J.
, HOW OLD DO I LOOK? I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE MY DAD.
YOU LOOK OLD.
DEEJ, HOW'S YOUR SPEECH FOR GRADUATION GOING? THE SPEECH IS FINE.
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT SPEAKING IN FRONT OF 300 PEOPLE.
WELL, D.
J.
, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HELPS ME WHEN I SPEAK IN FRONT OF CROWDS.
I JUST PRETEND EVERYBODY IS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST FUN.
BYE, EVERYONE.
BYE.
BYE.
WHY DON'T I GET A GRADUATION? STEPH, YOU WILL.
YOU'RE JUST GOING FROM THIRD GRADE TO FOURTH GRADE.
JUST? IT SO HAPPENS I'M GOING FROM LOWER ELEMENTARY INTO UPPER ELEMENTARY.
I'LL BE PLAYING ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLAYGROUND WITH NO MONKEY BARS.
THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
AND NOBODY CARES.
HOW RUDE! BYE, STEPH.
OH, MAN.
I AM REALLY GETTING OLD.
D.
J.
'S GRADUATING JUNIOR HIGH, MICHELLE'S GRADUATING PRESCHOOL, AND STEPH IS ABOUT TO GO TO A PLAYGROUND WITH NO MONKEY BARS.
DANNY, THIS IS ALL PART OF LIFE.
YEAH, PRETTY SOON, THE GIRLS WILL MOVE OUT, GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE OLD, BALD, AND ALONE.
WELL, LISTEN, HAVE A NICE DAY.
AND REST.
OH, GEE, WHAT A SHAME.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.
SURE, DANNY.
WELL, THANK YOU, JERRY JACOBS, STAR OF THE NEW HOME WORKOUT VIDEO, BODY BY JER.
REMEMBER, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO STRETCH AFTER EVERY WORKOUT, ESPECIALLY FOR US OLDER GUYS.
RIGHT, DANNY? OLDER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW OLD DO I LOOK? DO I HAVE ANY GRAY HAIRS? I THOUGHT I GOT THEM ALL.
WELL, JOIN US TOMORROW ON WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO AS WE WATCH DANNY AGE GRACEFULLY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY, EVERYBODY.
BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
AND WE'RE CLEAR.
KEITH, NEXT TIME, MORE MAKEUP UNDER MY EYES, PLEASE.
I LOOKED TIRED OR SOMETHING.
GREAT SHOW, DANNY.
OH, HI, KIRSTEN.
THANKS AGAIN FOR LETTING ME DO MY COLLEGE INTERNSHIP ON YOUR SHOW.
BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST.
I WAS SHOCKED DURING THAT EXERCISE SEGMENT.
OH.
I'M SORRY.
I HAVEN'T DONE A SQUAT THRUST SINCE GRADE SCHOOL.
I MEANT WHEN HE CALLED YOU AN OLDER GUY.
YOU CAN'T BE MORE THAN, WHAT, 27? 28? WELL, I GUESS I COULD BE, BUT WHO'D BELIEVE IT, HUH? HE MUST HAVE SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU PROJECT SUCH AN AURA OF WISDOM AND MATURITY.
WELL, NOT ONLY DID YOU JUST NAIL MY AGE, BUT YOU GOT MY AURA RIGHT ON.
YOU ARE SO CUTE.
WELL, I SHOULD GET BACK TO CLASS.
RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
KIRSTEN, WAIT UP.
I WAS JUST WONDERING, UH MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT, YOU AND I COULD, LIKE, HANG OUT? COOL! DO YOU LIKE SLAUGHTER? I'M BASICALLY NON-VIOLENT.
SLAUGHTER, THE BAND.
OH, OF COURSE, I KNOW.
I WAS JUST TEASING YOU.
I'M A MAJOR SLAUGHTERHEAD.
GREAT! I HAVE TICKETS FOR TONIGHT.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AFTER MY LAST CLASS, AND YOU CAN BE MY DATE.
AWESOME.
I MADE THE COFFEE ON THE SET THIS MORNING.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ALL OVER TOWN ** HI, UNCLE JESSE.
Children: HI, UNCLE JESSE! HI, RUGRATS.
LISTEN, I KNOW I'M EARLY TO PICK UP MICHELLE, BUT I'LL JUST WAIT OVER HERE, QUIET AS A MOUSE.
IT'S OK.
THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM ON THE MAGIC CARPET FOR UNCLE JESSE.
YAY! YAY! YAY! HOW DID YOU LIKE OUR GRADUATION SONG? OH, IT'S OK FOR A SONG ABOUT A BUS WITH A BUNCH OF WHEELS THAT GO ROUND.
YOU SAID IT WAS NOT COOL.
ALL RIGHT, I'M BUSTED.
THE SONG'S A LOSER.
PERHAPS UNCLE JESSE COULD TEACH US A SONG THAT'S A WINNER! YAY! YAY! YAY! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO YAY, NO YAY, NO YAY.
UNCLE JESSE'S A LITTLE BUSY FOR THAT.
JUST PICK A COOL SONG.
I BET YOU DON'T KNOW ANY COOL SONGS.
I KNOW MILLIONS OF 'EM.
NAME ONE.
VIVA LAS VEGAS.
NEVER HEARD OF IT.
YOUR UNCLE IS A MONKEYHEAD.
HE'S NOT A MONKEYHEAD.
HE KNOWS LOTS OF COOL SONGS.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
YES, HE DOES.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
YES, I DO.
NO, YOU DON'T! YES, I DO.
I KNOW MILLIONS OF 'EM.
I'LL TEACH YOU ONE RIGHT NOW.
YAY! YAY! YAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR VOLUNTEERING.
WELL, JUST CALL ME UNCLE MONKEYHEAD.
UNCLE MONKEYHEAD! UNCLE MONKEYHEAD IS GONNA HELP US WITH OUR GRADUATION SHOW.
YAY! YAY! YAY! GET THE MONKEYHEAD! NO, WAIT, WAIT, WHOA, WHOA! YAY! YAY! YAY! WATCH THE MONKEY HAIR! * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * HUH! YEAH! * AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA-- * WHOO! * ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * [DOORBELL RINGS.]
* AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT ** HI, DANNY.
COOL PANTS.
OH, THANKS, KIRSTEN.
I'VE HAD 'EM FOR YEARS.
ISN'T THAT A PRICE TAG? OH.
YEAH, WELL, I GOT A GOOD DEAL, AND I'M DARN PROUD OF IT.
WELL, LET'S GO GET SLAUGHTERIZED.
CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM? I'VE GOT TO DO A QUICK HAIR CHECK.
CHECK AWAY.
OK.
OH, DANNY, MY TICKETS FELL THROUGH, BUT I KNOW AN USHER WHO CAN SNEAK US IN.
WON'T WE GET IN TROUBLE? I--I MEAN I HOPE SO BECAUSE I LIVE FOR TROUBLE.
AAH! * I WANNA *-- WHOA.
* AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * HUH! HUH! * AND PARTY EVERY DAY ** WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HOME SO EARLY? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT EATING DINNER? THEY DON'T CALL IT FAST FOOD FOR NOTHING.
DAD, AREN'T YOU GOING OUT ON A DATE TONIGHT? AND HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR? WHAT IS THIS, THE THIRD DEGREE? YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
SINCE YOU'VE ALREADY HAD DINNER, BE A GREAT TIME FOR DESSERT.
WHAT BETTER PLACE TO FIND DESSERT THAN THE KITCHEN? WOULD YOU ALL PLEASE GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND JUST HELP YOURSELVES TO SOME DESSERT? THAT'D BE REALLY GREAT.
THANK YOU.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
ARE YOU HERE TO PLAY WITH D.
J.
? UH NO, MICHELLE.
SHE'S HERE TO PLAY WITH ME.
EVERYBODY, THIS IS, UH THIS IS KIRSTEN MY DATE.
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER, CHUCK E.
CHEESE? DANNY AND I ARE SNEAKING INTO THE SLAUGHTER CONCERT.
DAD, YOU'RE GONNA GO SEE SLAUGHTER? YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
SO, DANNY, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SLAUGHTER SONG? UH I LIKE THEIR EARLY STUFF.
NICE TRY, MR.
T.
, BUT THEY ONLY HAVE ONE ALBUM.
I MEANT EARLY ON THEIR ALBUM-- FIRST SIDE, FIRST CUT.
D.
J.
, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE KIMMY UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WORK ON YOUR GRADUATION SPEECH? OK.
AND, MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU GO WORK ON YOUR GRADUATION SONG.
OK.
AND STEPH, WHY DON'T YOU GO, UH I'LL GO UPSTAIRS AND THINK ABOUT HOW EVERYONE ELSE GETS A GRADUATION AND I GET DIDDLY SQUAT.
WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER BE JAMMIN'.
[IMITATING WALTER BRENNAN.]
WELL YOU KIDS RUN ALONG NOW, AND BY GOSHHAVE FUN, AND BY GOLLY, DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE.
HEY! GREAT RONALD REAGAN.
THAT'S, UH, WALTER BRENNAN.
OH.
WELL, ANYWAY, WE WON'T BE OUT LATE.
I HAVE TO BE BACK AT THE SORORITY HOUSE BY 12:30.
IN THAT CASE, DANNY, YOUR CURFEW'S EXTENDED TO 12:45.
WOW.
ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.
GEE, THANKS.
THOSE GUYS LOVE TO KID AROUND.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS.
REAGAN? SO THIS IS A PRESCHOOL GRADUATION.
DID I MENTION THAT I NEVER GOT ONE? I NEVER GOT A KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION, EITHER.
WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS YOU'RE NOT BITTER.
WELCOME TO THE MEADOW CREST PRESCHOOL GRADUATION.
TODAY'S PROGRAM WAS PUT TOGETHER BY JESSE KATSOPOLIS.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW LET'S BRING ON OUR PROUD GRADS, SHALL WE? [POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYS.]
DID I MENTION I NEVER GOT A ROBE OR A FLAT HAT? OVER HERE, MICHELLE.
DON'T THESE KIDS LOOK GREAT, HUH? ALL RIGHT, KIDS, GO GET READY.
GO GET READY.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME, PARENTS AND FRIENDS.
THIS YEAR OUR KIDS HAVE LEARNED ABOUT SHARING.
THEY'VE LEARNED ABOUT RESPECT.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THEY'VE LEARNED NOT TO PUT THEIR MOUTHS ON THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN.
AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU HOW OUR YEAR IN PRESCHOOL HAS MADE OUR GRADS A LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER, AND--THANKS TO ME-- DEFINITELY A LOT HIPPER.
HERE THEY ARE-- JESSE'S LITTLE RIPPERS! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
Jesse: SHAKE IT UP! * SHAKE IT UP, BABY * * SHAKE IT UP, BABY * * TWIST AND SHOUT * * TWIST AND SHOUT * * COME ON, BABY * * COME ON, BABY * * WORK IT ON OUT * * WORK IT ON OUT * * WORK IT OUT * * WORK IT OUT * * YOU LOOK SO GOOD * * YOU LOOK SO GOOD * * YOU GOT ME GOIN' * * YOU GOT ME GOIN' * * LIKE I KNEW YOU WOULD * * LIKE I KNEW YOU WOULD * * AH * * AH * * AH * * AAH! * NOW I PRESENT THE CLASS OF 1991.
YAY! YAY! [APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER.]
[CHEERING.]
STEPH, GET IN HERE, PLEASE.
WHAT IS IT? STEPHANIE JUDITH TANNER, THIS IS YOUR GRADUATION CEREMONY.
[HUMMING POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE.]
IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE.
HOW DID YOU EVER KNOW I WANTED THIS? FIRST, WE PRESENT TO YOU THIS GRADUATION TROPHY.
THIS IS A BOWLING TROPHY.
YES, THAT MAN IS PROUDLY BOWLING HIS WAY INTO THE FOURTH GRADE.
AND THERE'S MORE.
ARE THESE BOWLING SHOES? WELL, OPEN 'EM UP AND FIND OUT.
WOW! MY FIRST PAIR OF HIGH HEELS! THANKS, EVERYBODY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? D.
J.
! YOUNG LADY, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS HOUSE.
OH! KIRSTEN! OH, WHOA, DANNY.
YOU SOUNDED JUST LIKE MY DAD.
I DID? WELL, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I AM A DAD.
AND THAT'S HOW DADS SOUND WHEN THEY TALK TO KIDS.
I JUST CAME BY EARLY TO GIVE D.
J.
THIS TAPE.
I THOUGHT YOU AND I COULD GET SOME PIZZA BEFORE THE DANCE.
DEEJ, COULD I TALK TO KIRSTEN FOR A MINUTE? SURE.
I'LL GO WORK ON MY SPEECH.
KIRSTEN, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU BUY YOUR CLOTHES.
HEY, NEXT TIME I GO SHOPPING, WE'LL GO TOGETHER.
THIS IS GREAT! I FINALLY HAVE A FRIEND WITH A CAR.
LOOK, UH, KIRSTEN, UM I WANT YOU TO KNOW I REALLY THINK YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GIRL-- I MEAN WOMAN.
I MEANPERSON.
BUT, LOOK, YOU'RE 21, AND I'M 33.
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN? NO! NO, NO.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YES.
AGE DOESN'T MATTER.
I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT.
I LIKE YOU, TOO.
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.
I'M NOT REALLY A SLAUGHTERHEAD.
AND I HATED SNEAKING INTO THAT CONCERT.
I MAILED THEM A CHECK TODAY.
THE TRUTH IS, YOU AND I, WE HAVE VERY DIFFERENT INTERESTS.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D UNDERSTAND AND WE COULD STILL BE FRIENDS.
I'D LIKE THAT, TOO.
BUT BEFORE WE'RE JUST FRIENDS BYE, DANNY.
[MOCK SOBBING.]
* YOUNG GIRL, GET OUT OF MY MIND * * MY LOVE FOR YOU IS WAY OUT OF LINE * * BETTER RUN, GIRL * * YOU'RE MUCH TOO YOUNG, GIRL * DAD, ARE YOU GOING THROUGH SOME KIND OF CRISIS? MINI-CRISIS.
BUT, UH, I'LL BE FINE.
WELL, LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR CAP AND GOWN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LITTLE BABY'S FINALLY GRADUATING.
WELL, NOT TILL TOMORROW.
I'M JUST PRACTICING READING MY SPEECH WITH THE TASSEL IN MY FACE.
YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? SURE, HONEY.
"TODAY, AS WE SAY GOOD-BYE "TO VAN ATTA JUNIOR HIGH, "WE REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING UP UNTIL NOW "HAS BEEN BUT PREPARATION FOR THE FUTURE.
"FINALLY WE'RE READY TO ENTER HIGH SCHOOL, AND OUR LIVES ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN.
" WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR? WELLI'M JUST CURIOUS, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LAST 14 YEARS? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING YOUR LIFE HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
WELL, IT HASN'T.
BUT WHEN I GET INTO HIGH SCHOOL, I GET TO GO OUT ON DATES, STAY UP REALLY LATE, BACKPACK ACROSS EUROPE WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
WAIT--WAIT A MINUTE.
WE'LL--WE'LL FIGHT ABOUT THAT PART LATER.
MY POINT IS, DON'T MISS OUT ON WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE WAITING FOR SOMETHING BETTER TO COME ALONG.
YOU CAN'T LIVE FOR THE FUTURE JUST LIKE YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THE PAST.
WELL, I'M NOT LIVING IN THE PAST.
OH, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT.
BUT I WAS.
I WAS TRYIN' TO PRETEND I WAS 21 AGAIN.
I WAS PRETTY SILLY, HUH? WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT KIMMY AND I WERE LAUGHING AT YOU IN THOSE NEON PANTS FOR HOURS.
DAD, CHECK OUT THESE HEELS.
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW COOL IT IS UP HERE.
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, HONEY.
[SNIFFS.]
DO I SMELL CHOCOLATE CAKE? YES, YOU DO.
WEREN'T YOU IN YOUR BED SOUND ASLEEP? MY NOSE WOKE ME UP.
GET OVER HERE.
OHHHMMM.
YOU KNOW, GIRLS, I MAY NOT BE 21 ANYMORE, BUT 33 IS FEELIN' PRETTY GOOD RIGHT NOW.
CAN LIFE BE ANY BETTER THAN THIS? IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I HAD SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE.
OK.
I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE AN ENTIRE CAKE HERE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[***.]
HAVE YOU SEEN MY PIGGY? YOUR PIGGY? NO.
IS HE LOST? YES.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MICHELLE.
WHENEVER I LOSE A STUFFED ANIMAL, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT HELPS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT.
I PLAY THE BLUES.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT-- I'LL GET STARTED, AND THEN YOU TELL ME THE STORY.
* MICHELLE LOST HER PIGGY * * OH, WHERE COULD HE BE? * * HE'S NOT IN MY ROOM * * I JUST REMEMBERED * * I LEFT HIM IN THE KITCHEN * * MY BABY DONE LEFT ME * * LEFT ME FOR A PIG * * HE WASN'T VERY SMART * * BUT, MAN, HE MUST BE BIG * * YEAHOOH, OOH, YEAH ** THANK YOU, LADIES.
* WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV? * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE? * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** GOOD MORNING.
MORNING.
HEY, DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, YOUR WAFFLES ARE READY.
EVERYBODY GRAB A FORK.
IT'S ALL YOU CAN SCRAPE.
ACTUALLY, I'M IN A CEREAL MOOD THIS MORNING.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
YEAH, ME, TOO, ALSO.
SO, DANNY, HOW'D YOUR BLIND DATE GO LAST NIGHT? NOT SO GOOD.
WE PLAYED THE GUESS-YOUR-AGE GAME, AND SHE GUESSED I WAS 33.
THE NERVE OF THAT WOMAN.
YOU ARE 33.
SO IT'S COMMON COURTESY TO KNOCK OFF MAYBE SHE THOUGHT SHE DID.
DANNY, COME ON YOU DO HAVE A FEW GRAY HAIRS.
I DON'T HAVE ANY GRAY HAIRS.
SURE YOU DO.
THERE'S ONE RIGHT OW! THERE.
WAIT, I SEE ONE.
OH, LOOK.
I FOUND ONE, TOO.
YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
JUST LEAVE THEM HERE.
I MIGHT NEED THEM AS PLUGS FOR A HAIR TRANSPLANT.
HELLO, PEOPLE.
GOOD MORNING, MICHELLE.
HEY, MICHELLE.
MICHELLE, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
HOW OLD DO I LOOK? HMM.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
WANT TO HEAR MY GRADUATION SONG? GRADUATION SONG AGAIN? MICHELLE, NO OFFENSE, BUT THE WHEELS ON THE BUS IS NOT EXACTLY THE COOLEST SONG IN THE WORLD.
HIT IT.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ALL THROUGH THE TOWN * EVERYBODY! MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU WAIT AND SING THAT SONG IN THE CAR WITH THE OTHER KIDS? OK.
THANK YOU, JOEY.
NO PROBLEM, JESS.
IT'S YOUR DAY TO DRIVE CAR POOL.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO, MICHELLE.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS * * GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND ** Becky: BYE, SWEETHEART.
GOOD MORNING.
MORNING, GIRLS.
MORNING, GIRLS.
D.
J.
, HOW OLD DO I LOOK? I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE MY DAD.
YOU LOOK OLD.
DEEJ, HOW'S YOUR SPEECH FOR GRADUATION GOING? THE SPEECH IS FINE.
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT SPEAKING IN FRONT OF 300 PEOPLE.
WELL, D.
J.
, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HELPS ME WHEN I SPEAK IN FRONT OF CROWDS.
I JUST PRETEND EVERYBODY IS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST FUN.
BYE, EVERYONE.
BYE.
BYE.
WHY DON'T I GET A GRADUATION? STEPH, YOU WILL.
YOU'RE JUST GOING FROM THIRD GRADE TO FOURTH GRADE.
JUST? IT SO HAPPENS I'M GOING FROM LOWER ELEMENTARY INTO UPPER ELEMENTARY.
I'LL BE PLAYING ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLAYGROUND WITH NO MONKEY BARS.
THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
AND NOBODY CARES.
HOW RUDE! BYE, STEPH.
OH, MAN.
I AM REALLY GETTING OLD.
D.
J.
'S GRADUATING JUNIOR HIGH, MICHELLE'S GRADUATING PRESCHOOL, AND STEPH IS ABOUT TO GO TO A PLAYGROUND WITH NO MONKEY BARS.
DANNY, THIS IS ALL PART OF LIFE.
YEAH, PRETTY SOON, THE GIRLS WILL MOVE OUT, GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE OLD, BALD, AND ALONE.
WELL, LISTEN, HAVE A NICE DAY.
AND REST.
OH, GEE, WHAT A SHAME.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.
SURE, DANNY.
WELL, THANK YOU, JERRY JACOBS, STAR OF THE NEW HOME WORKOUT VIDEO, BODY BY JER.
REMEMBER, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO STRETCH AFTER EVERY WORKOUT, ESPECIALLY FOR US OLDER GUYS.
RIGHT, DANNY? OLDER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW OLD DO I LOOK? DO I HAVE ANY GRAY HAIRS? I THOUGHT I GOT THEM ALL.
WELL, JOIN US TOMORROW ON WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO AS WE WATCH DANNY AGE GRACEFULLY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY, EVERYBODY.
BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
AND WE'RE CLEAR.
KEITH, NEXT TIME, MORE MAKEUP UNDER MY EYES, PLEASE.
I LOOKED TIRED OR SOMETHING.
GREAT SHOW, DANNY.
OH, HI, KIRSTEN.
THANKS AGAIN FOR LETTING ME DO MY COLLEGE INTERNSHIP ON YOUR SHOW.
BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST.
I WAS SHOCKED DURING THAT EXERCISE SEGMENT.
OH.
I'M SORRY.
I HAVEN'T DONE A SQUAT THRUST SINCE GRADE SCHOOL.
I MEANT WHEN HE CALLED YOU AN OLDER GUY.
YOU CAN'T BE MORE THAN, WHAT, 27? 28? WELL, I GUESS I COULD BE, BUT WHO'D BELIEVE IT, HUH? HE MUST HAVE SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU PROJECT SUCH AN AURA OF WISDOM AND MATURITY.
WELL, NOT ONLY DID YOU JUST NAIL MY AGE, BUT YOU GOT MY AURA RIGHT ON.
YOU ARE SO CUTE.
WELL, I SHOULD GET BACK TO CLASS.
RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
KIRSTEN, WAIT UP.
I WAS JUST WONDERING, UH MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT, YOU AND I COULD, LIKE, HANG OUT? COOL! DO YOU LIKE SLAUGHTER? I'M BASICALLY NON-VIOLENT.
SLAUGHTER, THE BAND.
OH, OF COURSE, I KNOW.
I WAS JUST TEASING YOU.
I'M A MAJOR SLAUGHTERHEAD.
GREAT! I HAVE TICKETS FOR TONIGHT.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AFTER MY LAST CLASS, AND YOU CAN BE MY DATE.
AWESOME.
I MADE THE COFFEE ON THE SET THIS MORNING.
* THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * ROUND AND ROUND * * THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND * * ALL OVER TOWN ** HI, UNCLE JESSE.
Children: HI, UNCLE JESSE! HI, RUGRATS.
LISTEN, I KNOW I'M EARLY TO PICK UP MICHELLE, BUT I'LL JUST WAIT OVER HERE, QUIET AS A MOUSE.
IT'S OK.
THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM ON THE MAGIC CARPET FOR UNCLE JESSE.
YAY! YAY! YAY! HOW DID YOU LIKE OUR GRADUATION SONG? OH, IT'S OK FOR A SONG ABOUT A BUS WITH A BUNCH OF WHEELS THAT GO ROUND.
YOU SAID IT WAS NOT COOL.
ALL RIGHT, I'M BUSTED.
THE SONG'S A LOSER.
PERHAPS UNCLE JESSE COULD TEACH US A SONG THAT'S A WINNER! YAY! YAY! YAY! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO YAY, NO YAY, NO YAY.
UNCLE JESSE'S A LITTLE BUSY FOR THAT.
JUST PICK A COOL SONG.
I BET YOU DON'T KNOW ANY COOL SONGS.
I KNOW MILLIONS OF 'EM.
NAME ONE.
VIVA LAS VEGAS.
NEVER HEARD OF IT.
YOUR UNCLE IS A MONKEYHEAD.
HE'S NOT A MONKEYHEAD.
HE KNOWS LOTS OF COOL SONGS.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
YES, HE DOES.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
YES, I DO.
NO, YOU DON'T! YES, I DO.
I KNOW MILLIONS OF 'EM.
I'LL TEACH YOU ONE RIGHT NOW.
YAY! YAY! YAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR VOLUNTEERING.
WELL, JUST CALL ME UNCLE MONKEYHEAD.
UNCLE MONKEYHEAD! UNCLE MONKEYHEAD IS GONNA HELP US WITH OUR GRADUATION SHOW.
YAY! YAY! YAY! GET THE MONKEYHEAD! NO, WAIT, WAIT, WHOA, WHOA! YAY! YAY! YAY! WATCH THE MONKEY HAIR! * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * HUH! YEAH! * AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA-- * WHOO! * ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * [DOORBELL RINGS.]
* AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT ** HI, DANNY.
COOL PANTS.
OH, THANKS, KIRSTEN.
I'VE HAD 'EM FOR YEARS.
ISN'T THAT A PRICE TAG? OH.
YEAH, WELL, I GOT A GOOD DEAL, AND I'M DARN PROUD OF IT.
WELL, LET'S GO GET SLAUGHTERIZED.
CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM? I'VE GOT TO DO A QUICK HAIR CHECK.
CHECK AWAY.
OK.
OH, DANNY, MY TICKETS FELL THROUGH, BUT I KNOW AN USHER WHO CAN SNEAK US IN.
WON'T WE GET IN TROUBLE? I--I MEAN I HOPE SO BECAUSE I LIVE FOR TROUBLE.
AAH! * I WANNA *-- WHOA.
* AND PARTY EVERY DAY * * I WANNA ROCK 'N' ROLL ALL NIGHT * HUH! HUH! * AND PARTY EVERY DAY ** WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HOME SO EARLY? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT EATING DINNER? THEY DON'T CALL IT FAST FOOD FOR NOTHING.
DAD, AREN'T YOU GOING OUT ON A DATE TONIGHT? AND HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR? WHAT IS THIS, THE THIRD DEGREE? YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
SINCE YOU'VE ALREADY HAD DINNER, BE A GREAT TIME FOR DESSERT.
WHAT BETTER PLACE TO FIND DESSERT THAN THE KITCHEN? WOULD YOU ALL PLEASE GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND JUST HELP YOURSELVES TO SOME DESSERT? THAT'D BE REALLY GREAT.
THANK YOU.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
ARE YOU HERE TO PLAY WITH D.
J.
? UH NO, MICHELLE.
SHE'S HERE TO PLAY WITH ME.
EVERYBODY, THIS IS, UH THIS IS KIRSTEN MY DATE.
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER, CHUCK E.
CHEESE? DANNY AND I ARE SNEAKING INTO THE SLAUGHTER CONCERT.
DAD, YOU'RE GONNA GO SEE SLAUGHTER? YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
SO, DANNY, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SLAUGHTER SONG? UH I LIKE THEIR EARLY STUFF.
NICE TRY, MR.
T.
, BUT THEY ONLY HAVE ONE ALBUM.
I MEANT EARLY ON THEIR ALBUM-- FIRST SIDE, FIRST CUT.
D.
J.
, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE KIMMY UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WORK ON YOUR GRADUATION SPEECH? OK.
AND, MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU GO WORK ON YOUR GRADUATION SONG.
OK.
AND STEPH, WHY DON'T YOU GO, UH I'LL GO UPSTAIRS AND THINK ABOUT HOW EVERYONE ELSE GETS A GRADUATION AND I GET DIDDLY SQUAT.
WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER BE JAMMIN'.
[IMITATING WALTER BRENNAN.]
WELL YOU KIDS RUN ALONG NOW, AND BY GOSHHAVE FUN, AND BY GOLLY, DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE.
HEY! GREAT RONALD REAGAN.
THAT'S, UH, WALTER BRENNAN.
OH.
WELL, ANYWAY, WE WON'T BE OUT LATE.
I HAVE TO BE BACK AT THE SORORITY HOUSE BY 12:30.
IN THAT CASE, DANNY, YOUR CURFEW'S EXTENDED TO 12:45.
WOW.
ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.
GEE, THANKS.
THOSE GUYS LOVE TO KID AROUND.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS.
REAGAN? SO THIS IS A PRESCHOOL GRADUATION.
DID I MENTION THAT I NEVER GOT ONE? I NEVER GOT A KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION, EITHER.
WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS YOU'RE NOT BITTER.
WELCOME TO THE MEADOW CREST PRESCHOOL GRADUATION.
TODAY'S PROGRAM WAS PUT TOGETHER BY JESSE KATSOPOLIS.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW LET'S BRING ON OUR PROUD GRADS, SHALL WE? [POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYS.]
DID I MENTION I NEVER GOT A ROBE OR A FLAT HAT? OVER HERE, MICHELLE.
DON'T THESE KIDS LOOK GREAT, HUH? ALL RIGHT, KIDS, GO GET READY.
GO GET READY.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME, PARENTS AND FRIENDS.
THIS YEAR OUR KIDS HAVE LEARNED ABOUT SHARING.
THEY'VE LEARNED ABOUT RESPECT.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THEY'VE LEARNED NOT TO PUT THEIR MOUTHS ON THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN.
AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU HOW OUR YEAR IN PRESCHOOL HAS MADE OUR GRADS A LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER, AND--THANKS TO ME-- DEFINITELY A LOT HIPPER.
HERE THEY ARE-- JESSE'S LITTLE RIPPERS! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
Jesse: SHAKE IT UP! * SHAKE IT UP, BABY * * SHAKE IT UP, BABY * * TWIST AND SHOUT * * TWIST AND SHOUT * * COME ON, BABY * * COME ON, BABY * * WORK IT ON OUT * * WORK IT ON OUT * * WORK IT OUT * * WORK IT OUT * * YOU LOOK SO GOOD * * YOU LOOK SO GOOD * * YOU GOT ME GOIN' * * YOU GOT ME GOIN' * * LIKE I KNEW YOU WOULD * * LIKE I KNEW YOU WOULD * * AH * * AH * * AH * * AAH! * NOW I PRESENT THE CLASS OF 1991.
YAY! YAY! [APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER.]
[CHEERING.]
STEPH, GET IN HERE, PLEASE.
WHAT IS IT? STEPHANIE JUDITH TANNER, THIS IS YOUR GRADUATION CEREMONY.
[HUMMING POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE.]
IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE.
HOW DID YOU EVER KNOW I WANTED THIS? FIRST, WE PRESENT TO YOU THIS GRADUATION TROPHY.
THIS IS A BOWLING TROPHY.
YES, THAT MAN IS PROUDLY BOWLING HIS WAY INTO THE FOURTH GRADE.
AND THERE'S MORE.
ARE THESE BOWLING SHOES? WELL, OPEN 'EM UP AND FIND OUT.
WOW! MY FIRST PAIR OF HIGH HEELS! THANKS, EVERYBODY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? D.
J.
! YOUNG LADY, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS HOUSE.
OH! KIRSTEN! OH, WHOA, DANNY.
YOU SOUNDED JUST LIKE MY DAD.
I DID? WELL, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I AM A DAD.
AND THAT'S HOW DADS SOUND WHEN THEY TALK TO KIDS.
I JUST CAME BY EARLY TO GIVE D.
J.
THIS TAPE.
I THOUGHT YOU AND I COULD GET SOME PIZZA BEFORE THE DANCE.
DEEJ, COULD I TALK TO KIRSTEN FOR A MINUTE? SURE.
I'LL GO WORK ON MY SPEECH.
KIRSTEN, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU BUY YOUR CLOTHES.
HEY, NEXT TIME I GO SHOPPING, WE'LL GO TOGETHER.
THIS IS GREAT! I FINALLY HAVE A FRIEND WITH A CAR.
LOOK, UH, KIRSTEN, UM I WANT YOU TO KNOW I REALLY THINK YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GIRL-- I MEAN WOMAN.
I MEANPERSON.
BUT, LOOK, YOU'RE 21, AND I'M 33.
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN? NO! NO, NO.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YES.
AGE DOESN'T MATTER.
I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT.
I LIKE YOU, TOO.
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.
I'M NOT REALLY A SLAUGHTERHEAD.
AND I HATED SNEAKING INTO THAT CONCERT.
I MAILED THEM A CHECK TODAY.
THE TRUTH IS, YOU AND I, WE HAVE VERY DIFFERENT INTERESTS.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D UNDERSTAND AND WE COULD STILL BE FRIENDS.
I'D LIKE THAT, TOO.
BUT BEFORE WE'RE JUST FRIENDS BYE, DANNY.
[MOCK SOBBING.]
* YOUNG GIRL, GET OUT OF MY MIND * * MY LOVE FOR YOU IS WAY OUT OF LINE * * BETTER RUN, GIRL * * YOU'RE MUCH TOO YOUNG, GIRL * DAD, ARE YOU GOING THROUGH SOME KIND OF CRISIS? MINI-CRISIS.
BUT, UH, I'LL BE FINE.
WELL, LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR CAP AND GOWN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LITTLE BABY'S FINALLY GRADUATING.
WELL, NOT TILL TOMORROW.
I'M JUST PRACTICING READING MY SPEECH WITH THE TASSEL IN MY FACE.
YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? SURE, HONEY.
"TODAY, AS WE SAY GOOD-BYE "TO VAN ATTA JUNIOR HIGH, "WE REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING UP UNTIL NOW "HAS BEEN BUT PREPARATION FOR THE FUTURE.
"FINALLY WE'RE READY TO ENTER HIGH SCHOOL, AND OUR LIVES ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN.
" WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR? WELLI'M JUST CURIOUS, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LAST 14 YEARS? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING YOUR LIFE HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
WELL, IT HASN'T.
BUT WHEN I GET INTO HIGH SCHOOL, I GET TO GO OUT ON DATES, STAY UP REALLY LATE, BACKPACK ACROSS EUROPE WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
WAIT--WAIT A MINUTE.
WE'LL--WE'LL FIGHT ABOUT THAT PART LATER.
MY POINT IS, DON'T MISS OUT ON WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE WAITING FOR SOMETHING BETTER TO COME ALONG.
YOU CAN'T LIVE FOR THE FUTURE JUST LIKE YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THE PAST.
WELL, I'M NOT LIVING IN THE PAST.
OH, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT.
BUT I WAS.
I WAS TRYIN' TO PRETEND I WAS 21 AGAIN.
I WAS PRETTY SILLY, HUH? WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT KIMMY AND I WERE LAUGHING AT YOU IN THOSE NEON PANTS FOR HOURS.
DAD, CHECK OUT THESE HEELS.
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW COOL IT IS UP HERE.
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, HONEY.
[SNIFFS.]
DO I SMELL CHOCOLATE CAKE? YES, YOU DO.
WEREN'T YOU IN YOUR BED SOUND ASLEEP? MY NOSE WOKE ME UP.
GET OVER HERE.
OHHHMMM.
YOU KNOW, GIRLS, I MAY NOT BE 21 ANYMORE, BUT 33 IS FEELIN' PRETTY GOOD RIGHT NOW.
CAN LIFE BE ANY BETTER THAN THIS? IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I HAD SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE.
OK.
I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE AN ENTIRE CAKE HERE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL