Gintama (2005) s04e25 Episode Script
No Matter How Old You Get, You Still Hate the Dentist
Hurry it up I'm begging ya.
Make it quick.
Please Hurry End my suffering! Why don't you finish me off? Why must you waste time? Kill me! Just get it over with! Do you enjoy torturing me?! Please! I can't stand just sitting here waiting for my death! I'll go insane! I beg ya! Quick! Kill me! Um, Sakata-san.
Excuse me, but could you keep it down? You're disturbing the other patients.
[Namu Dental Clinic.]
Sorry about that ["People Of All Ages Hate The Dentist!".]
No I hate going to the dentist.
That distinctive odor That shady easy listening music The echoing whir of the drill And the wait It's like waiting for your death sentence Damn! I SO wanna go home! Go home, latch on to Sadaharu, and cuddle in his fur! But my tooth hurts No, but I'm scared of the treatment How many times have I gone through this? Just put me out of my misery.
Sure, a candy lover is doomed to a life of cavities, but that aspect of my character's been forgotten, you know? There was no scene of me eating sweets lately.
They're gonna drill.
They'll stick that thing in my mouth for sure.
A drill doesn't belong in your mouth.
It's the last thing you should stick in there! That's not what a doctor's supposed to do.
What do I do? Will I die if I sneeze when the drill's in my mouth? Am I gonna die? What do I do? Will I die if that sucking tube thing gets my tongue? Am I gonna die?! Stop, stop!! Enough already!! I'll stop thinking about it.
I'll read a magazine or something to take my mind off that.
JUMP JUMP [Note: "Weekly Shonen Magazine" published from Kodansha.
.]
What? This place prefers Magazine? I guess it can't hurt every once in a while Here to clean your tobacco stains? You nicotine addict! Can't you tell from my face? An old silver cap decided to rot on me.
Damn, anything with the word "silver" in it is bound to fail.
[Note: Part of Gintoki's name is "Gin", which is silver in Japanese.
.]
Let go.
I grabbed it first.
No, we touched it at the same time.
And don't you prefer JUMP? Let this Magazine fan have it.
It's a good idea to check out the enemy at times.
So what if it's the 50th anniversary? Why are you teaming up with Sunday? [Note: Weekly manga magazines "Magazine" by Kodansha and "Sunday" by Shogakukan celebrated their 50th year since being first published together back in 1959.
.]
Something's up there.
What, are you jealous? You want in or something? You upset about not being invited to the party? Heck no.
Go enjoy it yourselves.
It's easier for us to go solo.
No point in cooperating when you guys have no chance against us.
You've got it backwards.
Don't you understand that everyone hates you? Can't you tell that you're being shunned? Please keep it down.
What? Pretending to be popular? You're disturbing the other patients Haven't you realized that Sunday's only pretending to be a buddy to Magazine? He was trashing you on the way home from school the other day.
Sunday would never do that! Don't make shit up.
Go ask Champion.
[Note: "Weekly Shonen Champion" is manga magazine from Akita Shoten.
.]
He heard it too.
Shut up! What do you know about Sunday?! Keep on pretending to be all tight! Too bad you're anything but! Hey! I told you to shut the hell up! Everybody knows already! Gangan and Ace know too! [Note: Monthly manga magazines.
"Gangan" is published by Square Enix and "Shonen Ace" is published by Kadokawa Shoten.
.]
I just had to run into this jerk.
Why did I have to bump into him of all people? I have to act calm.
I can't let him know my weakness.
I can't let him know that I still hate the dentist at this age! Hey, can you cut that out? Constantly fidgeting How many times are you going to cross your legs? You're making me nervous.
And what about you? Your leg's been tapping like crazy.
[Note: Restless Legs Syndrome is known as "Poor People's Shake" in Japan, based on how poor people are often always shivering, etc.
.]
Could you cut it out? You're gonna make me poor like you.
I'm all irritated because of your fidgeting.
Oh? Is that it? Are you scared? The Demon Vice-Chief? Huh? What? No idea what you're talking about.
Scared of what? Was there something scary about the dentist? No, not really.
Nothing at all.
You said that because there's something to be scared of.
Which means you're the one who's scared? Hell no.
You know how people say that the sound of a drill can be scary? Not that I would understand.
I don't get it either.
Hell, I want a drill in my mouth every week; come in to get plaque removed on a regular basis.
What? You don't do that? I have the whole package done every three days.
My mouth feels all icky if I don't get that drill in there.
Oh, really.
I have my own drill at home so I don't have to come here.
Since I'm a driller.
Driller?! What the hell's a driller?! Why do you have your own drill?! He's crazy! No fear of drills! Oh, you're also a driller? What a coincidence.
Interested in entering a drill contest with me? Drill contest?! No way! I don't wanna do that crap! This guy enters a contest like that?! He's a monster! Sure, if I'm off that day.
Well, I'll try to keep my schedule open.
Huh? What are you two doing here together? Hasegawa-san.
You guys are also having teeth problems? I was taking a walk and decided to stop by for a drilling.
A drill? What are you talking about? Are you also here for a drilling? A drilling? Well, I'm here to get treated.
I just stepped out for a bathroom break.
But man The treatment here really hurts.
O-Oh, really I hate those month-long treatments that require you to keep going back to the dentist.
I heard that they did it in one shot here.
Sure, they're fast, but it hurts.
I felt like screaming so many times.
Hasegawa-san! Are you finished? Oh, sorry! I'm on my way.
I'll be going then.
You'd better prepare yourselves.
I-I see It hurts W-Well, dental treatments are supposed to hurt.
Th-That's right To the point where you wonder if it worked if it didn't hurt.
Hmm? You look a little pale? Not at all.
Hasegawa-san, don't struggle! It's dangerous so you have to stay still! Hold Hasegawa-san down.
Tie him down to the seat.
Ah, yes.
Like that.
Doesn't this sound a little too painful? What kind of treatment is this?! Doctor! Hasegawa-san's pulse! Perform CPR.
If it doesn't work, bring out the defibrillator.
Defibrillator?! Why would a dentist need that?! Doctor! His pulse is back, but the shock threw "that" loose! Threw "that" loose?! What's "that"?! What's loose?! Oh, it's okay.
We won't be using that again.
Dip it in the ponzu sauce.
[Note: Ponzu sauce is a citrus based sauce often used as dip for shabu-shabu.
.]
Dip it in the ponzu sauce?! What are they doing?! Wouldn't this go better with sesame sauce, Doc? Sesame sauce?! Are they having shabu-shabu?! They're having shabu-shabu, right?! Okay, that should do it.
It's over?! They finished it with a ponzu sauce?! How do you feel, Hasegawa-san? Man, it's like the pain's completely gone.
Not just your pain, but like a part of your body's also gone! It's been dunked in ponzu sauce! You'll be able to eat anything you want now, just like before.
Man Thank you very much, Doc.
We've included some painkillers and a toothbrush specially made by us.
Thanks for being so considerate.
Take care now.
Thank you very much! Man, I'm completely better now.
It was damn painful, but the dentist was pretty good.
Look, they even included a toothbrush! Included as in literally included?! Wait! Your teeth are fine now, but you lost something more important instead?! That's way beyond an equivalent exchange! You should come in for a new toothbrush if the bristles wear out.
May I say something? Yeah! Speak your mind! Sue them! That's one crazy quack! I need a hard toothbrush to get the job done.
That's not the issue here! Yes, no problem.
We included a hard toothbrush on your crotch to be safe.
It'll get hard when you play around with it.
That's not the point!! How are you supposed to brush your teeth with it?! Only your wife can reach down there to brush with it! Well, you take care now.
Oh, it's Toshi! You guys are also here to get treated? Kondo-san Man, this dentist does good work! I'm completely better now! They even included an electric toothbrush.
Electric toothbrush? Isn't that Hasegawa-san's arm? Well, it smells like ponzu sauce, but it's pretty useful.
Hey! It's obviously Hasegawa-san's! Really? I don't like the idea of letting machines do the work.
You have to brush your teeth with your own hands.
Yeah, that'd be your hand right there.
And hasn't your hand been replaced by a toothbrush? If Hasega The electric toothbrush starts to rot, please come in to get it replaced.
She was about to say Hasegawa-san's arm, wasn't she?! Excuse me I'm having a hard time getting the brush to reach my mouth.
Is that okay? It's fine.
If it doesn't reach, use a toothbrush in your own hand to brush your teeth.
Why'd you include the arm then?! That's just harassment! Take care now, you two.
Take care, my ass! Why don't you take care of your patients first?! This isn't dental care.
They're modifying your body! This dentist is crazy! It's way too insane! H-Hey What are you doing? Get outta here! This is no dental clinic.
It's Shocker HQ.
[Note: An Evil organization from the Kamen Rider series.
Shocker performs modification operations that gives the subject superhuman fighting abilities.
.]
Stop being stubborn and scram.
Hey, what are you doing? Go home, please! I'll give you 300 yen.
What's wrong with this guy? Why doesn't he run? Get a clue! I can't leave until you do, fool! Could the next patients please step inside.
Two at a time.
No way.
You're kidding.
Are we seriously going? Well, let's see how deep that drill will go this time.
Will it reach my soul? No! I don't wanna go! How would a drill reach my soul?! I have no idea what I'm saying! Why do people dig? Because they have drills.
What was that?! Am I an idiot?! An idiot?! Stop pretending to be a man and run for it! Hey! Somebody! Anybody! Stop us!! Hello.
I'm Yabuta of the Namu dental clinic.
Sakata-san and Hijikata-san, right? I'll be taking care of you today.
Don't be so nervous.
It won't hurt.
Well, just relax.
C'mon, relax.
A-A crime scene?! Is a dental operation room supposed to be this red? Wasn't it supposed to be whiter? All spic-and-span? Was dental care always so bloody? Weren't the instruments more compact? Was there a chainsaw involved? Is this how going to the dentist was like?! Well, you've both got some swollen faces.
Why did you leave it alone so long? That's no good.
The mouth is like the entrance to a human.
Also the first step to getting to know a person.
You can judge a person by their teeth.
Yeah, most people with dirty teeth are slobs.
People who keep their teeth clean probably listened to their parents.
Yep, that's why I always tell my young patients the following.
When you go on a group date, looks and personality don't matter.
Check their boobs first.
Doc, the door to your entrance has fallen off its hinges You can judge a person after seeing their boobs.
This Doc is terrible! Women with big areolae on their breasts have big hearts that are more forgiving of adultery.
He's talking about boobs! The door's fallen loose, and there's a toilet-like smell coming out! Like Niwa-kun's place where you go in the door and it smells like a toilet! The toilet is his entrance! And women with small areolae on their breasts tend to be smothering.
You've gotta be careful.
Nobody would want to smother you! Areolae are the key to women.
Nothing else matters.
What kind of a group date would involve looking at their areolae?! What kind of group date did you go to?! Okay Let's get down to business.
I'll have an assistant take a quick look at you.
Well, it's possible that my assistants will be able to take care of you.
G-Good He's not doing the treatment.
Hey! You two! Yes! Yes.
Nakayama-san and Battle Fairy Shazzan-san.
Which do you want? Nakayama-san! Definitely Nakayama-san! Anybody but Shazzan-san! Ooh, what to do? Which one do you like? I prefer the one with black hair.
And what the hell is that? Why is Battle Fairy Shazzan working in a dental clinic?! What the hell is Battle Fairy Shazzan?! Which do you want to look at you? I want Nakayama-san! I want Nakayama-san! Sakata-san was a little faster.
Then Sakata-san will have Nakayama-san.
Wait! Uh, hold on! Right on I dodged a bullet there.
The name's Nakayama.
I'll be taking care of you, Sakata-san.
Y-You're Nakayama?! Wait! Hold on! You totally look like a Battle Fairy Shazzan! You're obviously not Nakayama-san! Suck on that.
I don't know what's going on, but I guess this lady was Battle Fairy Shazzan-san.
W-Well, I'm all yours, Shazzan-san.
I am Battle Fairy Shazzan.
I'll be taking care of you.
Why?! Well, Nakayama-san, Shazzan-san, do your best.
Roger.
So Nakayama-san and Shazzan-san are both battle fairies?! Then, we shall explain this clinic's system before we commence treatment.
Before you do that, explain how you've ended up as battle fairies! Our clinic will treat your dental maladies, and also provide operating services to prevent any future cavities.
That's way beyond a dentist's job! Then we'll move on to an explanation of your options.
Option A provides treatment of your cavity and surgery to modify your body.
Option B provides surgery to modify your body and comes with free drinks.
Option B has nothing to do with my teeth! Why are there free drinks?! Uh, excuse me.
Isn't there an option that skips the surgery and gets my cavity treated? You'll save money by choosing Option A instead of getting the treatment and surgery separately.
No, I don't want the surgery.
I just want to get this cavity treated! Then I would recommend either Option Z or X.
What are those? Option Z includes a massage when you get your cavity treated.
Option X includes a salad bar when you get treatment.
A-Ah, then I'll take Option Z.
With the massage? Yea, whatever.
That'll do.
Roger.
Whew I managed to avoid the surgery.
I'm Betty.
I'll be taking care of you, boss.
They attached a massage girl! I ended up getting modified! And this has nothing to do with preventing cavities! This thing has no intention of doing its job! Couldn't they give me a higher quality girl at least?! Allow me to explain.
Pleasure Fort Betty and Sakata-san have been neurologically connected, which means that the robot Pleasure Fort Betty appears as an actual massage girl to Sakata-san.
[In Actuality.]
[Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
Our service is perfect.
That was close! I was about to end up the same way! But I already learned that I should think carefully from the battle fairy deal.
Option X! Treatment with a salad bar service.
This is the right answer.
Uh, I'll have Option X.
Roger.
No way you can attach a salad bar to a body.
Thanks.
Your failure saved me from making the same mistake.
[Note: "Baa" here is used to mean "old lady" not "bar".]
Th-They gave me a Salad Baa! [In Actuality.]
They got me! This is what they meant by a "salad bar"?! And what's the point of this?! [Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
She's just sitting there eating salad! And she's using dressing instead of mayonnaise! This just sucks! I'll have to watch this old lady eat salad without mayo for the rest of my life?! Okay, that should take care of the preparations.
Preparations?! What could this possibly prepare us for?! Then we'll begin the actual treatment now.
Treat my body before you treat my teeth! Give me back my original body! Open wide.
Please relax.
There's nothing to be scared of.
You're damn scary! Open wide.
Your face will be blown off if it touches the drill.
That huge-ass drill can't fit in my mouth! Don't worry.
The modifications mean that your body will suffer less from the treatment.
Well? There shouldn't be much pain.
Now that you mention it It doesn't hurt at all.
Our clinic specializes in swift care, but that puts a heavier burden on the patient.
The surgery modifies your body to cope with the care and allow for safe treatment.
Uh, safe? This stopped being safe when you modified our bodies! Hold on a second Is all the damage being shifted over to them?! They bear most of the pain, so relax as we treat you.
Uh, that's no ordinary pain.
[Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
It's pretty hard to relax while that's going on.
[In Actuality.]
If it weren't for them, you would be feeling even more pain.
[Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
So we don't feel any pain, but whatever's happening to our body causes that much pain? [In Actuality.]
Is that okay?! Huh?! [Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
No! Stop! Don't look at me like that! [In Actuality.]
What? Is it my fault?! Was I wrong?! [Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
This isn't my fault.
[In Actuality.]
Yeah, I have nothing to do with this! Huh? What is this? I've got this weird image in my mind.
Hey! What is this? Like my life is flashing before my eyes? Or is this Betty's life? And what's with the fake memories?! I don't remember anything like that happening! Stop! Don't show me that creepy stuff! I didn't do anything wrong! This has nothing to do with me! I'm the one who was modified and getting screwed! Huh? What is this? Strange images are flowing into my mind.
Hey, are these flashbacks? The salad old lady's life is flashing before my eyes?! And she has no actual memories! It's all about vegetables! Are you okay with this?! Dying without any decent memories No, I want to get my cavity treated.
I don't give a damn about a salad old lady! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! Yeah! We didn't do anything WROOOOOONG!! Um, excuse me.
This isn't a dental clinic.
I know.
Well, you obviously have cavities.
You should go see a dentist.
We don't care about the cavities.
It'll rot and fall out soon enough.
Then why are you here? Please fix her [Preview.]
Okay, people.
Clean out your ears and listen good! Okay! Will do! Next time on GinTama the anime "Countdown Begins"! Huh? Why isn't there any reaction? Come on ["Countdown Begins".]
We're not falling for that again.
[The countdown finally begins for GinTama the anime.
.]
[See you next time.
.]
Make it quick.
Please Hurry End my suffering! Why don't you finish me off? Why must you waste time? Kill me! Just get it over with! Do you enjoy torturing me?! Please! I can't stand just sitting here waiting for my death! I'll go insane! I beg ya! Quick! Kill me! Um, Sakata-san.
Excuse me, but could you keep it down? You're disturbing the other patients.
[Namu Dental Clinic.]
Sorry about that ["People Of All Ages Hate The Dentist!".]
No I hate going to the dentist.
That distinctive odor That shady easy listening music The echoing whir of the drill And the wait It's like waiting for your death sentence Damn! I SO wanna go home! Go home, latch on to Sadaharu, and cuddle in his fur! But my tooth hurts No, but I'm scared of the treatment How many times have I gone through this? Just put me out of my misery.
Sure, a candy lover is doomed to a life of cavities, but that aspect of my character's been forgotten, you know? There was no scene of me eating sweets lately.
They're gonna drill.
They'll stick that thing in my mouth for sure.
A drill doesn't belong in your mouth.
It's the last thing you should stick in there! That's not what a doctor's supposed to do.
What do I do? Will I die if I sneeze when the drill's in my mouth? Am I gonna die? What do I do? Will I die if that sucking tube thing gets my tongue? Am I gonna die?! Stop, stop!! Enough already!! I'll stop thinking about it.
I'll read a magazine or something to take my mind off that.
JUMP JUMP [Note: "Weekly Shonen Magazine" published from Kodansha.
.]
What? This place prefers Magazine? I guess it can't hurt every once in a while Here to clean your tobacco stains? You nicotine addict! Can't you tell from my face? An old silver cap decided to rot on me.
Damn, anything with the word "silver" in it is bound to fail.
[Note: Part of Gintoki's name is "Gin", which is silver in Japanese.
.]
Let go.
I grabbed it first.
No, we touched it at the same time.
And don't you prefer JUMP? Let this Magazine fan have it.
It's a good idea to check out the enemy at times.
So what if it's the 50th anniversary? Why are you teaming up with Sunday? [Note: Weekly manga magazines "Magazine" by Kodansha and "Sunday" by Shogakukan celebrated their 50th year since being first published together back in 1959.
.]
Something's up there.
What, are you jealous? You want in or something? You upset about not being invited to the party? Heck no.
Go enjoy it yourselves.
It's easier for us to go solo.
No point in cooperating when you guys have no chance against us.
You've got it backwards.
Don't you understand that everyone hates you? Can't you tell that you're being shunned? Please keep it down.
What? Pretending to be popular? You're disturbing the other patients Haven't you realized that Sunday's only pretending to be a buddy to Magazine? He was trashing you on the way home from school the other day.
Sunday would never do that! Don't make shit up.
Go ask Champion.
[Note: "Weekly Shonen Champion" is manga magazine from Akita Shoten.
.]
He heard it too.
Shut up! What do you know about Sunday?! Keep on pretending to be all tight! Too bad you're anything but! Hey! I told you to shut the hell up! Everybody knows already! Gangan and Ace know too! [Note: Monthly manga magazines.
"Gangan" is published by Square Enix and "Shonen Ace" is published by Kadokawa Shoten.
.]
I just had to run into this jerk.
Why did I have to bump into him of all people? I have to act calm.
I can't let him know my weakness.
I can't let him know that I still hate the dentist at this age! Hey, can you cut that out? Constantly fidgeting How many times are you going to cross your legs? You're making me nervous.
And what about you? Your leg's been tapping like crazy.
[Note: Restless Legs Syndrome is known as "Poor People's Shake" in Japan, based on how poor people are often always shivering, etc.
.]
Could you cut it out? You're gonna make me poor like you.
I'm all irritated because of your fidgeting.
Oh? Is that it? Are you scared? The Demon Vice-Chief? Huh? What? No idea what you're talking about.
Scared of what? Was there something scary about the dentist? No, not really.
Nothing at all.
You said that because there's something to be scared of.
Which means you're the one who's scared? Hell no.
You know how people say that the sound of a drill can be scary? Not that I would understand.
I don't get it either.
Hell, I want a drill in my mouth every week; come in to get plaque removed on a regular basis.
What? You don't do that? I have the whole package done every three days.
My mouth feels all icky if I don't get that drill in there.
Oh, really.
I have my own drill at home so I don't have to come here.
Since I'm a driller.
Driller?! What the hell's a driller?! Why do you have your own drill?! He's crazy! No fear of drills! Oh, you're also a driller? What a coincidence.
Interested in entering a drill contest with me? Drill contest?! No way! I don't wanna do that crap! This guy enters a contest like that?! He's a monster! Sure, if I'm off that day.
Well, I'll try to keep my schedule open.
Huh? What are you two doing here together? Hasegawa-san.
You guys are also having teeth problems? I was taking a walk and decided to stop by for a drilling.
A drill? What are you talking about? Are you also here for a drilling? A drilling? Well, I'm here to get treated.
I just stepped out for a bathroom break.
But man The treatment here really hurts.
O-Oh, really I hate those month-long treatments that require you to keep going back to the dentist.
I heard that they did it in one shot here.
Sure, they're fast, but it hurts.
I felt like screaming so many times.
Hasegawa-san! Are you finished? Oh, sorry! I'm on my way.
I'll be going then.
You'd better prepare yourselves.
I-I see It hurts W-Well, dental treatments are supposed to hurt.
Th-That's right To the point where you wonder if it worked if it didn't hurt.
Hmm? You look a little pale? Not at all.
Hasegawa-san, don't struggle! It's dangerous so you have to stay still! Hold Hasegawa-san down.
Tie him down to the seat.
Ah, yes.
Like that.
Doesn't this sound a little too painful? What kind of treatment is this?! Doctor! Hasegawa-san's pulse! Perform CPR.
If it doesn't work, bring out the defibrillator.
Defibrillator?! Why would a dentist need that?! Doctor! His pulse is back, but the shock threw "that" loose! Threw "that" loose?! What's "that"?! What's loose?! Oh, it's okay.
We won't be using that again.
Dip it in the ponzu sauce.
[Note: Ponzu sauce is a citrus based sauce often used as dip for shabu-shabu.
.]
Dip it in the ponzu sauce?! What are they doing?! Wouldn't this go better with sesame sauce, Doc? Sesame sauce?! Are they having shabu-shabu?! They're having shabu-shabu, right?! Okay, that should do it.
It's over?! They finished it with a ponzu sauce?! How do you feel, Hasegawa-san? Man, it's like the pain's completely gone.
Not just your pain, but like a part of your body's also gone! It's been dunked in ponzu sauce! You'll be able to eat anything you want now, just like before.
Man Thank you very much, Doc.
We've included some painkillers and a toothbrush specially made by us.
Thanks for being so considerate.
Take care now.
Thank you very much! Man, I'm completely better now.
It was damn painful, but the dentist was pretty good.
Look, they even included a toothbrush! Included as in literally included?! Wait! Your teeth are fine now, but you lost something more important instead?! That's way beyond an equivalent exchange! You should come in for a new toothbrush if the bristles wear out.
May I say something? Yeah! Speak your mind! Sue them! That's one crazy quack! I need a hard toothbrush to get the job done.
That's not the issue here! Yes, no problem.
We included a hard toothbrush on your crotch to be safe.
It'll get hard when you play around with it.
That's not the point!! How are you supposed to brush your teeth with it?! Only your wife can reach down there to brush with it! Well, you take care now.
Oh, it's Toshi! You guys are also here to get treated? Kondo-san Man, this dentist does good work! I'm completely better now! They even included an electric toothbrush.
Electric toothbrush? Isn't that Hasegawa-san's arm? Well, it smells like ponzu sauce, but it's pretty useful.
Hey! It's obviously Hasegawa-san's! Really? I don't like the idea of letting machines do the work.
You have to brush your teeth with your own hands.
Yeah, that'd be your hand right there.
And hasn't your hand been replaced by a toothbrush? If Hasega The electric toothbrush starts to rot, please come in to get it replaced.
She was about to say Hasegawa-san's arm, wasn't she?! Excuse me I'm having a hard time getting the brush to reach my mouth.
Is that okay? It's fine.
If it doesn't reach, use a toothbrush in your own hand to brush your teeth.
Why'd you include the arm then?! That's just harassment! Take care now, you two.
Take care, my ass! Why don't you take care of your patients first?! This isn't dental care.
They're modifying your body! This dentist is crazy! It's way too insane! H-Hey What are you doing? Get outta here! This is no dental clinic.
It's Shocker HQ.
[Note: An Evil organization from the Kamen Rider series.
Shocker performs modification operations that gives the subject superhuman fighting abilities.
.]
Stop being stubborn and scram.
Hey, what are you doing? Go home, please! I'll give you 300 yen.
What's wrong with this guy? Why doesn't he run? Get a clue! I can't leave until you do, fool! Could the next patients please step inside.
Two at a time.
No way.
You're kidding.
Are we seriously going? Well, let's see how deep that drill will go this time.
Will it reach my soul? No! I don't wanna go! How would a drill reach my soul?! I have no idea what I'm saying! Why do people dig? Because they have drills.
What was that?! Am I an idiot?! An idiot?! Stop pretending to be a man and run for it! Hey! Somebody! Anybody! Stop us!! Hello.
I'm Yabuta of the Namu dental clinic.
Sakata-san and Hijikata-san, right? I'll be taking care of you today.
Don't be so nervous.
It won't hurt.
Well, just relax.
C'mon, relax.
A-A crime scene?! Is a dental operation room supposed to be this red? Wasn't it supposed to be whiter? All spic-and-span? Was dental care always so bloody? Weren't the instruments more compact? Was there a chainsaw involved? Is this how going to the dentist was like?! Well, you've both got some swollen faces.
Why did you leave it alone so long? That's no good.
The mouth is like the entrance to a human.
Also the first step to getting to know a person.
You can judge a person by their teeth.
Yeah, most people with dirty teeth are slobs.
People who keep their teeth clean probably listened to their parents.
Yep, that's why I always tell my young patients the following.
When you go on a group date, looks and personality don't matter.
Check their boobs first.
Doc, the door to your entrance has fallen off its hinges You can judge a person after seeing their boobs.
This Doc is terrible! Women with big areolae on their breasts have big hearts that are more forgiving of adultery.
He's talking about boobs! The door's fallen loose, and there's a toilet-like smell coming out! Like Niwa-kun's place where you go in the door and it smells like a toilet! The toilet is his entrance! And women with small areolae on their breasts tend to be smothering.
You've gotta be careful.
Nobody would want to smother you! Areolae are the key to women.
Nothing else matters.
What kind of a group date would involve looking at their areolae?! What kind of group date did you go to?! Okay Let's get down to business.
I'll have an assistant take a quick look at you.
Well, it's possible that my assistants will be able to take care of you.
G-Good He's not doing the treatment.
Hey! You two! Yes! Yes.
Nakayama-san and Battle Fairy Shazzan-san.
Which do you want? Nakayama-san! Definitely Nakayama-san! Anybody but Shazzan-san! Ooh, what to do? Which one do you like? I prefer the one with black hair.
And what the hell is that? Why is Battle Fairy Shazzan working in a dental clinic?! What the hell is Battle Fairy Shazzan?! Which do you want to look at you? I want Nakayama-san! I want Nakayama-san! Sakata-san was a little faster.
Then Sakata-san will have Nakayama-san.
Wait! Uh, hold on! Right on I dodged a bullet there.
The name's Nakayama.
I'll be taking care of you, Sakata-san.
Y-You're Nakayama?! Wait! Hold on! You totally look like a Battle Fairy Shazzan! You're obviously not Nakayama-san! Suck on that.
I don't know what's going on, but I guess this lady was Battle Fairy Shazzan-san.
W-Well, I'm all yours, Shazzan-san.
I am Battle Fairy Shazzan.
I'll be taking care of you.
Why?! Well, Nakayama-san, Shazzan-san, do your best.
Roger.
So Nakayama-san and Shazzan-san are both battle fairies?! Then, we shall explain this clinic's system before we commence treatment.
Before you do that, explain how you've ended up as battle fairies! Our clinic will treat your dental maladies, and also provide operating services to prevent any future cavities.
That's way beyond a dentist's job! Then we'll move on to an explanation of your options.
Option A provides treatment of your cavity and surgery to modify your body.
Option B provides surgery to modify your body and comes with free drinks.
Option B has nothing to do with my teeth! Why are there free drinks?! Uh, excuse me.
Isn't there an option that skips the surgery and gets my cavity treated? You'll save money by choosing Option A instead of getting the treatment and surgery separately.
No, I don't want the surgery.
I just want to get this cavity treated! Then I would recommend either Option Z or X.
What are those? Option Z includes a massage when you get your cavity treated.
Option X includes a salad bar when you get treatment.
A-Ah, then I'll take Option Z.
With the massage? Yea, whatever.
That'll do.
Roger.
Whew I managed to avoid the surgery.
I'm Betty.
I'll be taking care of you, boss.
They attached a massage girl! I ended up getting modified! And this has nothing to do with preventing cavities! This thing has no intention of doing its job! Couldn't they give me a higher quality girl at least?! Allow me to explain.
Pleasure Fort Betty and Sakata-san have been neurologically connected, which means that the robot Pleasure Fort Betty appears as an actual massage girl to Sakata-san.
[In Actuality.]
[Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
Our service is perfect.
That was close! I was about to end up the same way! But I already learned that I should think carefully from the battle fairy deal.
Option X! Treatment with a salad bar service.
This is the right answer.
Uh, I'll have Option X.
Roger.
No way you can attach a salad bar to a body.
Thanks.
Your failure saved me from making the same mistake.
[Note: "Baa" here is used to mean "old lady" not "bar".]
Th-They gave me a Salad Baa! [In Actuality.]
They got me! This is what they meant by a "salad bar"?! And what's the point of this?! [Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
She's just sitting there eating salad! And she's using dressing instead of mayonnaise! This just sucks! I'll have to watch this old lady eat salad without mayo for the rest of my life?! Okay, that should take care of the preparations.
Preparations?! What could this possibly prepare us for?! Then we'll begin the actual treatment now.
Treat my body before you treat my teeth! Give me back my original body! Open wide.
Please relax.
There's nothing to be scared of.
You're damn scary! Open wide.
Your face will be blown off if it touches the drill.
That huge-ass drill can't fit in my mouth! Don't worry.
The modifications mean that your body will suffer less from the treatment.
Well? There shouldn't be much pain.
Now that you mention it It doesn't hurt at all.
Our clinic specializes in swift care, but that puts a heavier burden on the patient.
The surgery modifies your body to cope with the care and allow for safe treatment.
Uh, safe? This stopped being safe when you modified our bodies! Hold on a second Is all the damage being shifted over to them?! They bear most of the pain, so relax as we treat you.
Uh, that's no ordinary pain.
[Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
It's pretty hard to relax while that's going on.
[In Actuality.]
If it weren't for them, you would be feeling even more pain.
[Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
So we don't feel any pain, but whatever's happening to our body causes that much pain? [In Actuality.]
Is that okay?! Huh?! [Through Gintoki's Eyes.]
No! Stop! Don't look at me like that! [In Actuality.]
What? Is it my fault?! Was I wrong?! [Through Hijikata's Eyes.]
This isn't my fault.
[In Actuality.]
Yeah, I have nothing to do with this! Huh? What is this? I've got this weird image in my mind.
Hey! What is this? Like my life is flashing before my eyes? Or is this Betty's life? And what's with the fake memories?! I don't remember anything like that happening! Stop! Don't show me that creepy stuff! I didn't do anything wrong! This has nothing to do with me! I'm the one who was modified and getting screwed! Huh? What is this? Strange images are flowing into my mind.
Hey, are these flashbacks? The salad old lady's life is flashing before my eyes?! And she has no actual memories! It's all about vegetables! Are you okay with this?! Dying without any decent memories No, I want to get my cavity treated.
I don't give a damn about a salad old lady! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not my fault! Yeah! We didn't do anything WROOOOOONG!! Um, excuse me.
This isn't a dental clinic.
I know.
Well, you obviously have cavities.
You should go see a dentist.
We don't care about the cavities.
It'll rot and fall out soon enough.
Then why are you here? Please fix her [Preview.]
Okay, people.
Clean out your ears and listen good! Okay! Will do! Next time on GinTama the anime "Countdown Begins"! Huh? Why isn't there any reaction? Come on ["Countdown Begins".]
We're not falling for that again.
[The countdown finally begins for GinTama the anime.
.]
[See you next time.
.]