Grounded For Life (2001) s04e25 Episode Script

Hey, Eddie.
What's all that? It's my mail.
I haven't emptied out my P.
O.
Box in a while.
Why do you have a P.
O.
Box? I like to keep my address private.
I don't want the man to know where I live.
The mailman? Any man.
These Raisinettes are terrible.
They're chocolate-covered espresso beans.
Oh, they're good.
They're for my dad.
His flight just landed.
He's on his way over.
Oh, Sean, bad news.
Claudia's father's coming.
I know.
Oh, really? You seem to be takin' it really well.
Uh-huh.
I remember the last time you heard Tony was coming.
[grunting.]
That's all in the past.
Remember that five grand Tony lent us last year to fix up the bar? Yeah, that was really great of him.
Yeah, it was really great, you know.
And he would never let me forget that it was really great of him.
Well, look at that! Uh, interest rates are up there, Sean.
It's a good thing you borrowed that $5,000 from me instead of a bank.
Now, now, Sean, I don't want you to think that you can't call a plumber just because it'll take longer to pay back that $5,000.
I don't even like talkin' about that $5,000.
Uh, Baltic Avenue, that's me! You owe me $26, or-- or, to think about it, uh, $5,026, if you know what I mean.
And I couldn't say anything, you know? He's just so smug.
And I just have to sit there and eat it, you know? But no more, pal.
You know why? 'Cause today, it's payback time.
Wait.
Whaddaya mean? What? Are you saying "payback time" like, "Thanks for the loan.
Here's your money.
" 'Cause it sounded a little bit like, "You killed my partner.
See you in hell.
" Baby, look, I'm just sayin' it's gonna be a real relief to pay him back so I don't have to kiss up to him anymore.
Uh-huh, 'cause my father's evil and he does those vicious things like lend us money interest-free and tells us to keep it as long as we need it.
What a monster.
What are we looking for? Boxes that are clearly marked "frogs".
There's, like, eight of 'em.
I never knew you liked frogs so much.
I don't.
When I was four, my grandpa gave me a frog and I loved it.
Ever since then, he brings me a new one every time he visits.
It's like he still thinks of me as a four-year-old.
Hey! Oh, my God, here's the dancing cactus I got you in Arizona! You said you couldn't find it.
How did that get up here? [laughs.]
Where are those frogs? You gettin' out the frogs? Yep.
I haven't been up here in a while.
It's kinda cool.
Man, I bet I could live up here.
Are you serious? It's dirty and creepy.
Yeah, but it's better than sharing a room with Henry.
* I got a pony called Pickles * * And a turkey named Mr.
McGee * Careful, you almost hit me.
I gotta get out.
It's killing my soul.
What are you-- WhoaEd, this is from the IRS.
Yeah, I'm tossin' it.
You can't toss stuff from the IRS.
Sure you can; they're like jury duty notices.
[laughs.]
OhEddie, they are auditing you.
How can they audit me? I didn't even file any taxes.
[doorbell.]
Eh! Daddy! Buttercup! There's my little girl! [laughing.]
Let me take that.
Tony! Eh, Sean.
Good to have you here, buddy! Okay, all right.
Come on, Daddy.
So you have business up here, huh? Yeah, yeah, sorta.
Yeah, that's funny you mentioned that.
I got a little business too.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you remember that five grand you lent me last year? Yeah? I'm hereby paying you back.
Well, look at that! Thank you, Sean.
Yeah, we're even! Uh-huh, so it would seem.
That's nice, isn't it? Just bein' man to man, nothing hangin' over our heads.
YeahI'm here to have surgery.
What? Yeah.
Thursday I'm goin' under the knife.
[sniffs.]
Oh, my God! No, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay.
Sean, would you mind bringin' my bag in? I'm not supposed to be liftin' stuff, you know, with my surgery.
** [rock.]
Alright.
Daddy, listen.
Yeah.
I'm not a little girl anymore, alright? I can take it.
What are you having done? Oh, now, Tinkerbell, I told-- I told you not to worry about that.
It's surgery.
Yeah, I know, but let's not jump to conclusions here, alright? There's--there's all kinds of surgery.
For all you know, could be dental surgery.
Is it dental surgery.
[scoffs.]
I wish.
Dad! Now, come on.
I told you.
Just trust me; I'm gonna be fine, okay? Hey, Pop-pop.
Eh, sweetheart! Do you remember Brad O'Keefe? Yeah, that, uh, dopey kid from next door.
Um, Dad, uh, that-- that's Brad.
[Tony.]
Really? Did ya tell your friend here what I brought ya? Uhoh, I was gonna surprise him, but I might as well.
[laughs.]
It's a frog! [laughs.]
[laughs.]
How 'bout that.
I'd love to see it! Let's go up! He's playin' with his new friends.
There you go! Oh, hey, there, Jimmy.
Whatcha doin'? Uh, just grabbin' some music for my new room.
Oh.
I don't know that the attic is such a good idea.
No, Mom, it's totally great.
I'm really lovin' it.
Um, but by the way, am I up to date on my tetanus shots? I think so.
Why? I don't know.
I was sleepin' up there and I--I might have rolled over onto a nail, but whatever.
Alright, Tone, I'm gonna put the shaver in the bag.
Thank you, Sean.
Oh, uh, you know, by the way, you oughta-- you oughta think about adding, you know, a little addition onto the house, maybe give Jimmy his own room.
Aw, no.
It's okay.
He likes it up there.
Are you sure? 'Cause, you know, if it's a matter of money, I can go ahead and rip up that check you gave me.
No, no, uh-uh.
Just keep your money.
Alright, alright.
[door opens.]
Eh, Tony.
Eh, Edwin.
Check-- check me out.
Do I look like a guy who makes an honest living? What's the deal, Ed? I'm preparing for my audit with a little help from the expert.
Yeah, well.
You got your date books? Yeah, I got a 2000, Good, good.
Good work.
Now all you got to do is, uh, fill 'em in.
Oh, oh! You know what? Let me--let me show ya my day planner and we'll give those IRS monkeys what they're lookin' for.
You're the best, Tony.
No, he's not.
He's a manipulative ass.
Why can't anybody see it but me? You know, this guy can't go two minutes without talkin' about his surgery.
He is having surgery.
Yeah, I know he's havin' surgery.
Everybody on the block knows he's havin' surgery.
[clenching teeth.]
Kids in Norway know he's havin' surgery.
Here you go, Eddie.
[clears throat.]
I wanted to give you this before my surgery.
And it's got every expense, every appointment right here in the book.
Just gotta follow the template.
You're the best, Tony.
So they say.
[ribbit.]
Look at this stupid thing.
What am I supposed to do with it? Brad.
[ribbit.]
Do you mind? I'm sorry.
I'm running out of room in here.
Even if I liked frogs, this is too many frogs.
[ribbiting.]
Brad! Sorry, I just had to sit down.
[sighs.]
Ugh.
He's wasting his money and I don't even like them.
Well, just tell him.
He just wants to make you happy.
[sighs.]
You're right.
You're right.
Okay.
[ribbiting.]
Brad, take them off now! [Lily.]
Hey, Pop-pop.
Eh, there's my little Lily pad.
Actually, I'm not so little anymore.
Yeah, where does the time go, huh? Seems like yesterday you were-- you were my little pollywog.
[Lily laughs.]
Right, but I'm growin' up, you know? And, like, this frog-- Like, ten years ago, I would've loved it.
But now, frogs aren't that high up on my list, if you know what I mean.
Oh.
No, of course.
Of course.
I just, you know, I don't know what to get ya.
Oh, well, I'm easy if you get me, like, clothes or music or-- There's the new Outkast CD.
Oh! Well, then, uh, that's what I wanna get for ya.
Just give me back the frog.
Oh, no, I didn't mean now.
No, no, don't be silly.
Just give me back the frog and I'll get you the CD you want.
Aw, are you sure it's okay? Yeah, yeah.
Of course.
Absolutely.
This way, you get somethin' that ya like.
[chuckles.]
I don't have to go around spendin' $400 on a silly glass frog.
$400! I just gave back a $400 frog.
Yeah, but you get the CD.
Eh, whaddaya doin'? What? Hey.
Does this have all his appointments and stuff in here? Just put it down.
I just wanna see about this major surgery thing he keeps talkin' about.
I wanna see if it's in here.
That's Tony's.
He entrusted it to me.
Oh, shh, shh.
Look, oh, Thursday Hospital.
[laughing.]
Oh, my God.
Listen to this.
Dr.
Ramesh Patel, board certified cosmetic surgeon.
Cosmetic surgery.
This is too good to be true.
You've had your laugh.
Put it down now.
Shh, shh, no.
[with lisp.]
Uh, hello? Hi, is this Dr.
Patel's office? Yes, I'm the personal assistant to Mr.
Tony Bustamante and I just wanted to check.
He was having some kind of surgery, I believe, done today? Would it be of the cosmetic sort? [laughs.]
Okay, it would.
At 2:30? [forcefully.]
Okay, thank you! I knew it! He is a vain bastard! Huh? Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'm just a temp.
Good-bye.
Plastic surgery.
Plastic surgery! I knew it.
That's why he wouldn't tell anybody.
What is he--what's he gonna have done, huh? Huh? A little tummy tuck? Eyelids? I don't know.
I do.
Liposuction.
[laughing.]
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Can I have the book back? No That vain bastard, he's been milkin' that sympathy the whole week about his major surgery.
Well, I know his secret now.
Vanity, thy name is Tony.
You are busted! Major surgery.
Okay, can I get you anything? Water? Another pillow? [grunts.]
Oh, I don't know.
Actually, Tink, uh could you adjust the bed? I wouldn't mind sittin' up.
It's not working.
You know, I told that nurse to check everything, make sure it's working.
She said she checked.
She didn't check.
She's lazy.
I mean, this is supposed to be this great hospital and all the nurses are so stupid.
HoneyHoney, I-- I think, uh, you're pushin' the intercom button there.
Estella is doin' a great job, don't you think? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
God, I like her hair.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Yeah.
She's-- Oh, "head.
" There ya go.
Oh, that's perfect, honey.
That's perfect.
Now, I know-- I know it's been very hard for you not knowin' what they were doin', but now it's all over.
And everything went just fine.
What went fine, Dad? Really, I'm not a little girl.
I know, sweetheart, so I guess I'll tell ya.
[clears throat.]
Daddy had a little somethin' inside of him that didn't belong there and now it's gone.
Okay? Thanks, Dad.
Alright.
Hey, Pop-pop.
Eh, little girl! Hey! How you feelin'? Well, you know, not bad.
I can't complain.
Can't complain.
Oh, you know what? I'd like a little tea, honey.
Would you mind buzzin' Estella for me? Oh, yeah, uh Maybe I'll get it myself.
Okay.
Alright.
Well, Pop-pop, I'm glad you're feelin' a little bit better.
Well, thank you, Lily.
Now--now, wait a minute.
Isn't-- Isn't that that sweater I brought ya? Oh, well, look at that.
[laughing.]
I--I hadn't noticed.
I--I just wore it 'cause it goes with my frog barrettes.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
Now, I thought you didn't like that frog stuff anymore.
Oh! Oh, that thing? No.
[laughs.]
What can I say? I'm a teenage girl, constantly contradicting myself.
Is that so? Yeah.
Like, I was a vegetarian for a week and I was like, "Save the cows! Save the cows!" [laughs.]
Now I love meat, hate cows! So, anything I might have said about frogs or frog gifts, I--I wouldn't put too much stake in those.
Heh, I love frogs! Oh, my God.
Brad, be quiet.
We're in a hospital.
Wait a minute.
What's goin' on here? Lily wants her $400 frog back.
Brad! Trust me; it'll be on eBay by the end of the week.
Is that, uh-- Is that true, Lily? Well-- Now, come on.
I'm not gonna buy you a gift just so you can turn around and sell it.
I--I know-- Okay, fine.
I think it's time you learned a little lesson.
Here you go, $400 cash.
Oh, my God! Thank you, Grandpa! Wh--what the hell kinda lesson is that? Well-- It--it's a lesson in honesty, son.
If she just wanted the money, why should I go frog shoppin'? Oh, I'm gonna go get you a nice gift from the gift shop.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's your money.
Here's a little shoppin' money.
Oh! Unbelievable.
Thank you, Pop-pop.
Alright.
[chuckling.]
[squealing.]
Lily come on, that money's not gonna buy you self-respect.
Brad, look at my sweater.
Does it look like I have self-respect? Did you wear your froggy sweater to cheer up your Pop-pop? I am so proud of you.
You are such a good granddaughter.
Oh, you guys-- Here's your tea, Dad.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Mmm.
Sorry we're late.
Hi.
What happened to you, Jimmy? Oh, he's fine.
Yeah, I--I was just up in my new room and I had a little mishap.
I think we should study in your room.
This is my room.
I'm just in the process of redecorating.
It's a little creepy.
What's this pink stuff? Insulation.
Pretty great, huh? Oh, don't touch it.
It's made of millions of tiny little shards of glass.
Ew, a spider! Get it away! Whoa! Ew, ew, ew! It's cool.
Whoa! Don't step off the planks! Here, I got it.
Jimmy, what the hell? What? Nah, I'm just chillin'.
It's all good.
Jimmy? Dude, I think your foot's on backwards.
Yeahit happens sometimes.
You know, Sean, you might wanna finish that attic so you won't have kids leakin' through the ceiling.
It's okay.
Yeah, well, you know, if it's a matter of money, my offer to rip up that check still stands.
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no.
There'll be no rippin' up of checks.
Why--why are we talkin' business? You've just had major surgery.
It probably sucked the life right out of you.
You're probably feelin' pretty drained right now.
Nah, I'm, uh-- I'm okay, Sean.
[Sean.]
Have you lost weight? I mean, this is crazy.
But seriously, have you lost weight around the mid-section, thighs, buttocks? Well, I don't know.
Maybe-- maybe a little.
Well, you've been through a lot.
Yeah.
It's like the weight just melted right off you, just like I don't know, just like [sucking noises.]
Man, hospitals are cool.
Henry, where did you get those charts? They're everywhere.
Alright, maybe it's time we go and let Pop-pop get some rest.
Yeah, I am feelin' a little weak, but, you know, that's to be expected aftermajor surgery.
Oh, yeah.
Whoo, major surgery.
And yet, we still don't know what that was.
Honey, you know he doesn't want to talk about it.
I know, baby.
But you know what? I do wanna talk about it.
And what I wanna talk about is what he doesn't wanna talk about and why he doesn't wanna talk about it.
What are you doing? Baby, let me tell you what kind of surgery this man had.
He had plastic surgery! What? Yes.
Yes, I called his doctor, Dr.
Ramesh Patel.
D'ya know what he is? He's a cosmetic surgeon.
J'accuse! Daddy, is this true? Yes, it is.
[Sean.]
Ah hah! Vindication.
Oh, my God, man.
You've been tryin' to milk our sympathy from the second you stepped foot through our door.
What's goin' on? Pop-pop's dirty little secret's out.
That's what's goin' on.
How could you do this to us? I was so worried.
Oh, honey, honey, would you please let me explain myself? Yes, yes, we'd love to hear you explain.
Alright, alright.
I did have plastic surgery to seal up the incision so it wouldn't leave a scar.
Oh, what incision? [sighs.]
I had to have a bullet removed that was lodged above my kidney.
Oh, a bullet.
Yeah.
Kinda like this one, right here.
Oh, a bullet.
You got shot? Now, now, sugarplum, it's fine, it's fine.
Everything's fine.
Daddy is fine.
It all happened long before you were born.
I was huntin' for snipers in the Mekong River delta in June of '67, when my patrol came under heavy enemy fire and my C.
O.
told us to retreat, but that would mean leaving two of my men behind.
So I--I swam upstream and dragged them to a clearing, and on the way, got a hot piece of Vietnamese lead just above my left kidney.
The doctors thought it would be best to leave it in 'cause they didn't wanna go messin' around with my guts.
Oh.
Oh, so I guess it wasn't that serious, then.
No! No, not until recently when it started to migrate.
And the surgeons here thought it would be best to remove it, seein' as how I only have one kidney.
Just one? Yeah.
I donated the other one to a marine, so he could make it back home to see his new baby girl.
Well there ya-- there ya have it.
Wow, Pop-pop, you're like a war hero.
Well Yeah, that's so cool.
I can't wait to tell my friends.
It's an honor and privilege, sir! Alright, at ease, everybody.
I think we should let Pop-pop get some rest.
Thank you.
He's been through a lot.
A lot more than was necessary.
Tony, come on.
[laughs.]
Tony Come on, you gotta admit that was a little funny.
Yeahto-- to me, sure.
It seems like your end of it would be kinda humiliating.
I guess, uh-- I guess I owe you an apology, huh? Yeah.
And you think that I could-- I could see it comin' sometimes? Because last time you owed me somethin'-- No, eh, I paid you back.
Alright.
Yes, you did, didn't you? Truce? Truce.
You got it.
[knocking.]
Tony.
Tony.
Tony Bustamante.
My savior.
[chuckles.]
So, I, uh, take it the audit went well? Well, if you're the United States government, no.
At a boy, Edwin.
How much, uh-- how much do you owe? $16.
What? Look, I thought you were into them for thousands.
I was, but I took Tony's advice and I ran my expenses through the business.
The busin-- The business? You mean our bar? Yeah, yeah.
You know, the business we're in.
So what's this mean for the bar? It's not that bad; we just owe, like, $5,200.
Ed, we don't have $5,200.
No, no, no.
Don't worry about it, Sean.
I got ya.
Oh, Sean, say, hey, would you mind, uh, grabbin' my bag there? I'm--I'm still feelin' a little tender.
No problem.
Yeah.
Mr.
Bustamante, how are we feelin'? Dr.
Patel, uh, I feel fine.
I feel fine.
Now, remember, there are gonna be a few lumpy spots for a while.
Don't worry; those will dissipate.
Those are just pockets of fat we couldn't get.
Yeah, okay.
Bye, bye! We'll see ya later! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Pockets of fat? It's perfectly normal with liposuction.
He was in there gettin' the bullet anyway! Nobody's gonna believe you, Sean.
Oh, I don't know.
Look! Oh, that right butt cheek's a little harder than the left.
Oh, stop it! They can get in there with a hose and just [sucking noises.]
[Tony.]
Leave me alone!