The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s04e26 Episode Script

Hey, hey, hey, y'all ready to hit the City of Sisterly Love? Don't you mean "Brotherly Love"? Take my word on this one, Carlton.
It doesn't matter how you sugar coat it, Will this vacation has all the earmarks of stinking.
- Well, I'm looking forward to it.
- Yeah, me too.
Come on, Carlton.
This is Philadelphia in the springtime.
Man, there's people all over the place.
There's guys playing stickball.
- Girls in the street playing double dutch.
- No country club reciprocity.
Geoffrey, we'll be gone for about four or five days.
You know what to do.
Don't worry, sir, the house is in excellent hands.
Do we have to go? Carlton, your Aunt Vy is dying to show us how she's redecorated her home.
- God forbid she should send a picture.
- Philip.
Come on, kids, let's go.
Oh, all right, let's get it over with.
Carlton, would you cool out a little bit, man.
What, just because you're not going to some fancy resort somewhere that means you can't have a good time? It is a damn shame when people are spoiled by money.
G, put some butter on that, bring that out to me in the car.
Come on, y'all come right on in.
Make yourself at home.
Oh, there it is, y'all.
Hey, check it out.
My TV chair.
I spent 10 years customizing this thing to my boogie.
Now, I don't want none of y'all sitting in it and stretching out my sweet spot.
Y'all know who you are.
Don't make me kill you in your mother's home.
I'm going to check out my bedroom.
Well, what do you guys think? Vy, you have really perked this place up.
Hasn't she, Hilary? Yeah.
I mean it's so poor.
Hey, my bedroom is exactly how I left it.
I even found my What's Happening! Home game.
What's Happening! Or What's Happening Now? What's Happening! Neato! I get to be Rerun.
Listen, go find yourself a beret, and I'm gonna go get my stuff unpacked.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
I'm putting both of you right out here on the convertible couch.
And Ashley and Hilary will be with me.
Philip and Vivian will have your room.
Hey, Mom, listen, you should probably make sure that Uncle Phil sleeps on the bottom bunk.
Because if he get up on the top bunk Well, you know gravity ain't no joke.
You know what I'm saying? He could end up in China.
You know, Vy, we don't wanna be any trouble.
Why don't we just make reservations at a hotel and just get out of your hair.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
- No, no, no.
- There is plenty of room right here.
- Yep, yep.
And I'll take it as a personal insult if you guys leave.
Yep.
Yep, yep, yep.
How about if just I left? That's what I get for being considerate.
Vy, we'd be happy to stay here with you.
All of us.
Good, but don't bother unpacking now, because we got to get to the ballpark.
Teddy Pendergrass is singing the national anthem.
Oh, yeah, Phillies in the house! You know, Vy, we're all a little jet-lagged.
Well, I know Will wants to go.
Yeah, take the sub right to Broad and Patterson.
- You know it.
- Hey, I'll tell you what.
I'll race you to the station.
Loser pays the fare.
You're on.
But wait a minute.
Tie your shoes first.
You're cheating.
You're cheating.
My mama cheating.
Come here! How come we never had that much fun? I don't know.
What's on TV? God, I wish I was home.
Right about now, I bet Geoffrey is turning back my covers and putting a little mint on my pillow.
Hey, program! Hey, program! Here we go, man.
How you doing, man? Here you go.
Thanks.
Here it is, y'all, best hoagie spot in the whole city.
They got the kind of food here that sticks to your ribs.
And your feet.
What do you have to tip the maitre d' to get a good stool? Unless you're here to stick up the joint, sit down and eat.
Take a tip, buddy, you won't get anywhere in the service industry treating customers like that.
Why don't you take your Bing Crosby butt over to the golden arches and lie down in front of a drive-through window.
Ain't he great? Hey, dude, give me four cheese steaks, man.
Four Joe Frazier's in cheese trunks.
- Joe Frazier? - Yeah, it means "big beef.
" Duke names all the sandwiches after people.
- Give me one with mushrooms, dude.
- Wrap one in fungus.
I don't believe it.
This is the only song this jukebox ever played.
We used to sing to this all the time.
Yo, Dumbo, pick up.
Y'all gonna love these drawers.
Hey, thanks a lot, Duke.
I've been dying for one of these.
My God, these are a mess.
They're filled with grease.
Yeah, it's great, ain't it? Hey, Will, is that the legendary park where you used to play basketball? Oh, yeah, it sure is.
You call that pathetic strip of graffiti-littered concrete legendary? Can we go there after we eat? No.
No, no, I don't think so.
Wow, it's Dick Clark.
Hey, I grew up watching you.
- Thank you, thank you.
- How come I got older, but you didn't? Duke's sandwiches, a fountain of youth.
Duke, give me a chicken sandwich to go, will you? Sure thing, Mr.
Clark.
One Will Smith.
Will Smith? Yeah, we named it after this guy who got into a little scrape across the street.
Only instead of fighting, he ran clear across the country to California.
He was a chicken to go.
What a coincidence, his name is Will Smith.
You're kidding Wait a second.
Yeah, a little taller.
The ears were a little bigger, but it is you! My man! All right! Listen, it's me, but I didn't exactly run.
Hey, look.
Hey, Mr.
Clark, we got another celebrity over here.
Say hello to Chicken Will.
Come on, my man, strut your stuff.
Hey, it's got a good beat, and you can run to it.
Not you too, Dick.
Hey, there he goes, he's running again.
Hey! Hey, where you going? California's the other way! Okay, okay.
Yeah! If it isn't the Fresh Prince! Man, what y'all been into? Nothing, man, just working them 40 hours.
Yo, man, we thought you was living phat in California? Yeah, I was.
And I would have stayed there if I'd have known I was getting played like a clown back here.
That's not true.
Everybody just wanna know where you been.
Gladys, look, that's Vy's boy, Will.
- Hey, Will.
- How you doing? - That's funny? - I ain't laughing.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
I thought y'all was my boys.
Why you ain't telling my rep was getting sliced up.
Yo, we are your boys, man.
We figured you was never coming back.
But every time somebody tried to diss you, we step to them.
We got beat up plenty of times protecting your rep.
- Right.
- Word.
- Y'all did? - Yeah, man.
We don't run away from our fights.
- We can't.
All our relatives live here.
- Right.
All right, you hooligans, disperse.
Stop taunting my cousin just because he ran away from a fight.
Look, stumpy, I did not run.
I just went to visit y'all for four years.
Look, this is Chill, Soup, Steve, Word.
What's up, stumpy? Why won't you go upstairs if you gotta use the bathroom.
Hey, mister, there's nothing worse than dirty Dockers.
Look, squash that.
What am I supposed to do about my rep? Yo, you got to stand up to Omar Boulware, man.
- Word.
- Who's Omar Boulware? Some guy Will wouldn't fight.
The dude that be spinning me over his head in the opening credits.
Man, that is one mean brother, man.
Yo, remember in junior high when he stole the principal's car just to run him over? Yo, where he be hanging at, man? Yo, he down around Shepherd Park, man.
You're not thinking of fighting this ruffian, are you? Look, that's the only way, man.
Word.
Yo, Will, we got your back, man.
- He can't take all of us.
- Straight up.
That's right.
I've been reading.
I appreciate y'all having my back and everything but, you know, I gotta take care of this myself.
All right.
Hey, Carlton, come here, man.
Listen, I need your help, man.
I gotta go into training.
I'm gonna kick Omar's butt.
- Come on.
- I thought you said this is one-on-one.
- What do you need me for? - Well, if I win, I need a witness.
If I lose, you're my blood type.
Come on.
- Keep cool.
- All right, man.
Gee, this playground makes the other one look like Club Med.
- Come on, what are you trying to prove? - You don't understand about reputations.
I mean, they can follow you around like a bad smell.
Maybe you do understand.
I do know one thing, Will a bad smell isn't worth a mouthful of bloody Chicklets.
Let me explain something to you I'm not some skinny little If anybody's gonna be bleeding, it's gonna be that big, pumpkin-head Omar.
- Will - Carlton, I have the advantage.
Not only is he big and dumb, he's slow.
- Will - Carlton it's like his brain is so tiny, if he shake his big head like this it'd sound like a BB in a canteen.
Does he wear a black sweatshirt? How am I supposed to remember if he wears a black sweatshirt? Turn around.
Hey, man.
Yo, man, we got this court.
Is that so? You don't remember who I am, do you? I don't care who you are.
I said we got this court.
You funny.
Listen, we ain't scared of you, man.
Me and Carlton can take you.
You and who? Carlton.
Ain't that right? Carlton? Geoffrey, I will never live down the shame of a domestic vacation.
Look, go to Rodeo Drive, buy a bunch of stuff send it to someone you know in England and have him mail it to all my friends.
Where have you two been? I sent you out of here four hours ago.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
We went for a long walk.
I love this city.
Tell her about that scrapple place.
You ate scrapple? That's made from the part of the pig that's not good enough to go in sausage.
- But it's good enough to go in Philip.
- Oh, baby.
Yeah, well, this is all very nice, but where are my groceries? I knew we forgot something.
I don't know, I'm supposed to be in England.
Get some English muffins.
Is that Geoffrey? Let me talk to him.
Geoffrey, I can't find my gold silk bathrobe, did you pack it? Did I forget to pack that? I'll keep an eye out for it, sir.
I'm sure it will turn up.
Enjoy the rest of your vacation.
Goodbye.
There is room for one more.
Let me tell you something, man.
You have kicked me off of this court for the last time.
I don't remember kicking you off the first time.
- You really don't remember me, huh? - No.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hey, can I see that ball, brother? How about a little hint? Oh, I remember you.
But, hey, man, I'm not like that anymore.
Oh, really.
You look like the same bald-headed punk to me.
Oh, yeah, I remember you.
You're the chicken sandwich guy.
I am not a chicken! My mama made me move, man.
My mama made me move.
I would never leave Philly! I love it here.
So do I.
That's why I'm giving back to it.
I stayed to help the kids in the area so that they wouldn't make the same mistakes I did.
You sound like an after-school special, or something.
But that ain't gonna do nothing for my rep.
Let's go right now, and I ain't taking no for an answer.
You have no choice.
Let's go.
Okay, well, you're so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund.
How about that? You so ugly, when you was born the doctor just slapped both your parents.
And your mom Oh, my goodness! She is like a doorknob, everybody gets a turn! I guess the mom's the red button.
Okay, come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Look here, man I know what you're trying to do, but I am not gonna hit you.
Then I'm gonna tell everybody you're a punk, then.
- Be my guest.
- What about your rep? Look, you see those guys over there? That's my rep.
Brother, you need to grow up.
Will.
Let me know when you need me.
- Thank you for a lovely time.
- You're welcome.
Will, the plane leaves in an hour.
Come on, hurry it up.
Oh, baby, it was so good having you.
And here.
Here's the Phillies schedule.
Maybe you can come back when they make it to the World Series.
I can't do it.
No need to get melodramatic, Will.
Just watch it on TV with the rest of us.
I'm talking about going back to Bel-Air.
I ain't ready to leave yet, y'all.
I'm still having fun.
Fun? You've been ostracized since you got here.
What you talking about? That Chicken Will thing? That ain't nothing.
Guys be tripping like that all the time.
You mean I was in a garbage can for nothing? When were you in a garbage can? Look, I'm just saying, you know I didn't realize how much I miss just sitting out on the stoop.
Look, when we get back, Dad will buy us a stoop.
Come on, we're gonna miss the plane.
Yeah, I don't wanna spend another minute in this sardine can.
Thanks for everything, Aunt Vy.
Will, I'll tell you what you stay for another week or so, then you come home when you're ready, okay? - All right.
- Thanks a lot, Vy.
It was wonderful.
- Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.
- Call me when you get home.
- I will.
- Okay, take care.
- All right, bye, Hillary.
Bye, Ashley.
Well, isn't this a surprise? - Just me and you, just like old times.
- That's right.
Now, go clean up your room.
Go on.
- What time is Will's plane coming in? - I don't know.
He was supposed to call with his flight arrangements but he gets so wrapped up in his own life that he cannot take the time to be a little bit responsible.
That must be him now.
- Hello? - Hey, Uncle Phil.
Will, are you at the airport? No, I'm at home.
Well, what happened? You miss your flight? Sort of.
Well, when you coming back, then? I'm not.