Bewitched (1964) s04e27 Episode Script

Now, Tabatha, you mustn't be cranky.
I want you to lie down and go to sleep.
You had no nap this afternoon, and if Tabatha.
Oh, Tabatha! Good evening, dear.
Oh, hi.
Oh, that's very cute.
Probably saw some mortal friend of yours do that at a cocktail party.
Samantha, you're bringing this child up in the wrong environment.
And speaking of wrong environment where's what's-his-name? Darrin is in Chicago for the weekend on business.
Splendid.
While he's gone we can take Tabatha over to that witch's nursery school in Tibet where you learned to fly.
- Mother.
- What? You are not helping me one bit by putting ideas in her head.
Now, there are only two things that I want: For Tabatha to go to sleep, and for you to blow.
Blow! Oh, Mother.
Tabatha.
Dear.
Now, listen, young lady.
You just leave that right there.
Now, I mean it.
You be a good girl I said no! Well, if you can't beat them, join them.
- Hello? - Samantha, darling.
Oh, hello, Louise.
Larry and I were just talking about you.
We want you to come to dinner tonight.
Oh, well, that's very sweet of you, Louise.
And I'd love to come, but I can't.
I don't have a sitter.
We won't take no for an answer.
- You won't? - We insist.
Surely you can find a babysitter in the neighbourhood.
Well, I daresay there are some sitters in the neighbourhood.
But at the risk of sounding like an over-indulgent mother l'm very choosy, and not just anyone can sit with Tabatha.
Then you leave everything to us.
Larry will be there in 20 minutes.
He'll bring our own babysitter, my Aunt Harriet.
Your Aunt Harriet? - Is that a crack at my aunt? - No, it's not a crack.
She can't stand any more.
She's already as cracked as they come.
Not another word, Samantha.
It's all taken care of.
Larry's on his way.
Bye.
No.
Hello? Hello? Mother? Mother, you come back here this minute.
Mother! Mother? - Hi, Larry.
- Hi, Samantha.
I'd like you to meet Louise's Aunt Harriet.
- How do you do? - How do you do? Fine, I guess.
Been sitting for us ever since that handsome little replica of me was born.
Well, you've given me a few nights off for good behaviour.
Oh, where is it? Where's what? We left it in the back of the car.
I'll get it.
No, no.
I'll get it.
I don't want you to touch it.
It might pick up the wrong vibrations.
What is she talking about? Her crystal ball.
Crystal ball? She's always trying to contact the next world.
Next world? Cute, isn't she? Larry.
Larry, I really think that l Louise would never forgive me if you back out now.
If you don't come to dinner tonight, Darrin is fired.
- What? - Well, maybe I am being a bit melodramatic, but it's a melodramatic situation.
We're in a tough spot.
There is an ulterior motive.
We invited a client and his wife to dinner.
A Mr.
Baker.
We're trying to get him to modernize his packaging.
Larry, you know that there isn't anything I wouldn't do to help you.
Sam, you're not getting the message.
The plan is for you, Louise and Mrs.
Baker to gang up on him tonight.
The women's point of view.
- Women buy his product, and - Here we are.
I just know I'm gonna have a wonderful time tonight.
I may even contact Mr.
Henderson.
- Who? - He's the man I was engaged to for 20 years.
I refused to marry him because he drank.
He's in the spirit world now.
Sounds more like he was in the spirit world before he left.
Well, come on, Sam.
We wanna be there when the Bakers arrive.
Wait a minute, Larry.
I really ought to be here just in case Darrin calls long distance.
Don't worry.
I'll tell him to call you at the Tates'.
Oh, where is your little Tabatha? Larry and Louise say she's a darling.
Yes.
Well, she's in the nursery.
It's the door on the left at the top of the stairs.
She's asleep, I hope.
Okay.
Let's go.
You go ahead and have a good time.
I know how it is with young mothers.
Worry, worry.
Yes.
Silly, isn't it? Mr.
Baker, I've been buying your brand of food for years.
Naturally.
It's the best in the world.
- Samantha.
- Oh, thanks, Louise.
But, you know, sometimes I have difficulty finding it in the stores.
Oh, I have the same trouble.
Yes, thank you.
It's probably because the packaging isn't spectacular enough to attract the eye of the discerning housewife.
Edgar, haven't I always told you the package should have a modern look.
Something that would appeal to today's woman.
My Uncle Willie designed that package.
New packaging would make your product sell five times as fast.
Putting a new package on a great old product would be like putting a miniskirt on Whistler's Mother.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I ought to call home and make sure everything's all right.
Oh, relax, Samantha.
Everything's all right.
Mr.
Henderson, I know that you're in there.
Mr.
Henderson, I know that you're in there.
Horsy, go for a walk.
Mr.
Henderson, come forth.
Mr.
Henderson, I suddenly feel cold air.
Could that be you? No, it can't be you.
I'm sure you're in a much warmer place.
I want my ball.
Is that you? If you're really here, knock once.
Ball up.
I've done it.
I've done it.
I knew I could reach you.
I know you're here.
Where are you, Mr.
Henderson? Mr.
Henderson, where are you? Horsy, come home.
Mr.
Henderson, what are you trying to tell me? Reincarnation? You've come back as a horse! Baker, here you have the opinion of three women symbolic of the purchasing power of this nation, and I'll get it.
Excuse me.
Furthermore, Mr.
Baker, consumers' research has proved beyond a doubt that women control the purse strings of the nation.
What? Hello? Hello? We were cut off.
Louise's aunt is babysitting with Tabatha.
She probably woke up and started to cry.
I'm the only one that can quiet her, so I'd better go.
The phone doesn't ring.
Louise, I'm sure that everything is all right.
I just take Sam home and then we'll come right back.
I'll get my coat.
Excuse me.
She said something about conjuring up a real live ghost.
A ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts.
I believe in ghosts.
What do you think, Louise? Well, let's just say that I'm neutral on the subject.
But it's my Aunt Harriet, so perhaps I'd better go with Samantha.
Would you mind if I went too? You know all my life I've wanted to see a real ghost.
Agnes, how many times have I told you? There are no such things as ghosts.
Seeing is believing.
Agnes, you're being ridiculous.
Come on, Mr.
Baker.
Let's humour the girls.
All right.
Where's everybody going? To your house, to see the ghost.
I'll get my hat.
What ghost? Probably the ghost of my advertising business.
That's how fast it's dying.
Come on in, everyone.
Aunt Harriet.
Don't disturb the vibrations.
Vibrations? I'm trying to get him back.
- Get who? - The ghost of Mr.
Henderson.
He's here? The last I saw him, he went upstairs with his horse.
His horse? She's your aunt? Only by marriage.
Only by marriage.
He must still be around.
Oh, isn't this exciting? Agnes, come back here.
I was sitting right here on the couch and suddenly I felt cold air.
How weird.
We have the draftiest house in town.
I asked the crystal ball to contact Mr.
Henderson and have him knock on the table, and he did.
Only by marriage.
I might want an affidavit on that.
Wait a minute.
I know what happened.
You fell asleep and dreamed all this.
Don't be ridiculous.
If anyone has insomnia, it's me.
I haven't slept a wink in years.
She's sound asleep.
She came here to catch up.
All this commotion over nothing.
It was only a dream.
Let's all have a drink.
I'm way ahead of you, Tate.
I'll catch up.
Milk.
Well, now we can get back to business, Mr.
Baker.
He's in the kitchen.
- Who? - The ghost.
Don't start that all over again.
The whole thing was a dream.
Aunt Harriet, wake up.
I tell you, the ghost is in the kitchen.
I just saw him pour himself a glass of milk.
Milk? That certainly doesn't sound like Mr.
Henderson.
Unless he's developed an ulcer.
You've conjured up a real ghost.
Let's have a séance, right now.
- Agnes.
- Louise.
Edgar, I've always told you Uncle Willie would've stayed up with the times.
Aunt Harriet, do you think you could conjure up my husband's Uncle Willie? Why not? I'm hot tonight! If we could only get him to talk to us! That's what this whole thing has been leading up to.
You can't change me, so you try to change Uncle Willie by rigging this whole phony routine.
But But Mr.
Baker.
My apologies, Mrs.
Stephens, Mrs.
Tate.
Come on, Agnes, we're leaving.
And your advertising agency no longer handles my account.
You can't do this.
She's a genuine clairvoyant.
Besides, she Edgar, please let me stay with my ghost.
I think we should be going home, Aunt Harriet.
Never mind your crystal ball.
We'll pick it up later.
But I did see the rocking horse floating through the room and I know that I'm right.
I don't wanna leave my crystal ball.
Larry.
We'll get it later, dear.
Larry.
Please don't be too hard on Aunt Harriet.
Those things that she said she saw, well, they were just part of a dream.
Or maybe part of a vivid imagination.
I'm the one who has a vivid imagination.
I can see $500,000 flying out the window.
- Samantha.
- Yes? Nothing.
Sam, if you love Darrin, get him out of the advertising business while there's still time.
And with that, I proceeded to break the bank at Monte Carlo.
You're not listening to me, Samantha.
I said, I broke the bank at Monte Carlo.
Oh, it's all right.
We don't have any money in that bank.
After last night, we may end up without any money in our own bank.
What is that silly thing? - Crystal ball.
- Oh, you're kidding.
All right, it's a cuff link for the Jolly Green Giant.
Well, that makes more sense.
And it just might be the solution to my problem.
If I knew what Uncle Willie looked like I could become him and talk Mr.
Baker into changing his plans.
Come right in here, Samantha.
My dear, I'm so thrilled that you're doing this for me especially after the way my husband behaved last night.
Oh, don't be silly.
I wanted to help you contact Uncle Willie.
Is the coast clear? Oh, yes.
Mr.
Baker's in his study.
Is that Uncle Willie? Oh, no.
I don't know who he is.
He's someone my husband got at an auction.
Uncle Willie's over there.
And I just can't wait to get started.
Well First, you have to concentrate on Uncle Willie.
Then, most important, you have to believe.
That's why I brought Aunt Harriet's crystal ball.
You know it works.
Oh, yes.
I saw that ghost pour himself a glass of milk with my own eyes.
Do you think I can reach Uncle Willie? Oh, I'm positive.
Now, all you have to do is put your hands like this gaze into the crystal ball, and concentrate on Uncle Willie.
Well, shouldn't I say something? Well, yes.
Yes, it might help if you said something like: "Uncle Willie, come forth.
" Uncle Willie, come forth.
Uncle Willie, come forth.
It kind of gives me goose pimples.
Maybe it would help you concentrate if I stepped out to the patio.
All right.
Uncle Willie, come forth.
- Who are you? - I'm Uncle Willie.
Sorry.
You must forgive me for being startled but it isn't every day that I meet a ghost.
That makes us even.
It isn't every day I meet a witch.
How do you know I'm a witch? In my circle, word gets around.
Did Mrs.
Baker conjure you up? Of course not.
I've been haunting this house for 45 years.
Shaking my chain.
Moaning myself hoarse.
But they can't hear me, because they don't really believe.
Uncle Willie, come forth.
Why have you been trying to haunt them? Why? Because that blockhead nephew of mine is ruining my business.
I gave my whole life to that business and I want it run the way it ought to be run.
And with a little assistance from your witchcraft, I can do it.
Now, first, turn yourself back into me.
All right.
I look a lot worse than I thought.
Anyway, let me tell you a couple of things that will convince my nephew.
Uncle Willie, please come forth.
Uncle Willie, please, I want you to come forth.
Uncle Willie Agnes! Are you out of your mind? You know I've forbidden this kind of hocus-pocus around here.
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times.
There are no such things as ghosts.
- Who are you? - Who do I look like? You're an actor.
That Larry Tate, he put you up to this, didn't he? You're no ghost.
What? What kind of trick was that? How'd you do it? Here I am, over here.
I don't believe it, but I sure would like to know how you do it.
Maybe you'll be convinced that I'm Uncle Willie when I remind you of the time you put a frog in your Aunt Millie's bed.
And I whaled the tar out of you.
Uncle Willie? Only you and I would know about that.
And the time I caught you putting molasses in your sister's shoes.
You are Uncle Willie.
When you say Uncle Willie, get down on your knees.
Yes, sir.
What do you want, Uncle Willie? Your very last words to me were, "Don't tamper with the business.
" And I didn't.
Now, you listen to me, you blockhead.
When I told you not to tamper with the business how did I know what progress there'd be in 50 years? Haven't you the gumption to keep up with your competition? Now, get on that phone, call Larry Tate.
Tell him to throw out our old trademark for something new.
Now, hop to it.
No, I can't do that, Uncle Willie.
After what I said to him, it would offend my dignity.
Very well.
When Agnes comes out of her faint l'll mention a certain blond stenographer who Oh, no.
I'm dialling.
Uncle Willie, I'm dialling.
See? Look, I'm dialling.
Hello, Tate? This is Baker.
Yes, I'd like to talk to you in the morning about getting a new packaging concept for our product.
I don't care what Uncle Willie wanted.
I'm running this business my way, and I believe in progress.
Hop to it.
I wanna see some ideas first thing in the morning.
Right.
Young lady, I could kiss you.
Oh, Uncle Willie! This pie is absolutely delicious, Samantha.
Oh, thanks, Louise.
I made an extra one for your Aunt Harriet.
- I thought you could take it to her.
- Oh, great idea.
Anything to keep her from talking to that crystal ball.
Larry.
Louise, would you like some more coffee? - No, thank you.
I'm fine.
- Thanks, Sam.
I thought we agreed not to discuss that again.
We did not agree.
You simply told me what you'd do to me if I did.
But I don't intimidate that easily.
- As Mr.
Baker well knows.
- Mr.
Baker? Yes, I finally straightened him out.
You got the account back? Well, there are times when a man in my position has to use his power and authority.
Mere tact and diplomacy is not enough.
One must meet a situation head-on.
I really laid down the law to him.
For his own good.
Larry, that was very considerate of you.
I told him, "Forget Uncle Willie.
" From now on, he's to listen to me.
I'm an authority.
From now on, I'm his Uncle Willie.
And it worked? He was putty in my hands.
Larry, I'm proud of you.
I always thought if you got Mr.
Baker to change his mind he was the kind of man that would make it seem like his idea.
You know, like: "Hello, Tate.
This is Baker.
I wanna discuss a new packaging concept for our product.
I don't care what Uncle Willie wants.
I'm running the business my way, and I believe in progress.
Hop to it, Tate.
I wanna see those ideas on my desk tomorrow morning.
That was wonderful, Samantha.
Wasn't she cute, Larry? Larry? Yeah.