Gintama (2005) s04e27 Episode Script
It's Bad Luck to See a Spider at Night
I never would have imagined this.
To be able to see the moon from Yoshiwara Oh, don't be so silly.
You came to Yoshiwara only after its liberation.
Isn't that right, sir? No It existed long ago The ceiling may have been shut, but the moon existed back then.
A small, brave, and beautiful moon.
Again? The seventh one this month.
We can no longer ignore this.
At this rate, Yoshiwara will never be able to recover.
Also Thank you for your patronage, sir.
Of course.
I see.
Thank you very much! Excuse me.
No, excuse me.
You've come a long way, Tsukuyo.
Give up on being a woman, Tsukuyo.
If you wish to become one who protects instead of one who is protected, give up on being a woman.
You may not be the sun which shines above the people.
But I, alone, know of your beauty which secretly illuminates the land.
I, alone, shall watch over you.
I, alone will protect you.
Ma- Whatcha doing, Tsukuyo? Gin-san and everybody are here! Wake up already! I'm gonna leave without ya! I'm coming.
Go on ahead.
Don't forget to spruce yourself up.
Spruce up, is it? ["It's Bad Luck to See a Spider at Night".]
Hey, it's been a while.
Sheesh, still looking as dull as ever.
And you still look as much like a burnt field as ever.
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?! You'd better not be talking about my hair! Come on, it's been a while since we last met.
Could you two please stop fighting? Now that everyone's here, we can have a blast! Sorry, Seita.
Huh? Could you wait outside for a moment? What?! Hold on! I haven't even been in a close-up shot yet! That's all the screen time I get?! You should be glad that everyone was able to see you so happy.
No way! You've crossed the line here, Mom.
This is what I get, after waiting half a year? You see, what I wanted to talk to you guys about Screw them.
Stupid show.
I even sat back from the TV in a well-lit room every week to watch this show.
Hey, now.
Give me a break.
I didn't come here to work today.
Pretty please? Savior of Yoshiwara? There is certainly more freedom in Yoshiwara after Hosen's death.
However, we have some new vermin who used to stay clear of Yoshiwara because of Hosen.
After all, there was nothing more powerful than Hosen to deter crime.
To be honest, the crime rate was lower with Hosen around.
There's no end to the assaults, burglaries, break-ins, and other crimes committed by the Anti-Foreigner Faction.
The members of the Hyakka aren't able to keep up.
The biggest problem in Yoshiwara at the moment would be the sale of illegal drugs.
Prostitutes whose bodies and souls have been worn out turn to drugs for a moment of pleasure.
This town may appear at peace, but they've already spread far and wide in the shadows.
There's one man running most of the business in Yoshiwara.
Fujinosuke Hashiba, said to be Yoshiwara's best customer No, his name holds no meaning.
He has many names.
Not only names.
He has multiple titles and faces.
But I doubt that any are grounded in reality.
He must be laughing as we struggle to find incriminating evidence, while he buys Yoshiwara women, drinks liquor, and watches as this town collapses around him.
How are we supposed to catch a guy like that? I barely deserve the title of Yoshiwara's Savior.
You should know.
I'm doing business under the table here.
Nevertheless, we need your familiarity with this world.
Don't worry.
I have a lead.
What? I saw a spider.
While I was on watch, I clearly saw it.
A spider tattoo on that man's neck A spider, huh? Not much to go by, but oh well.
I'll have to let myself be caught.
In the spider web.
C'mon! Place your bets! Evens or odds? Make your choice! Place your bets! Even! Odd! Even! Odd! Odd! Even! They all have spider tattoos? The Benigumoto (Red Spiders).
This gambling parlor is on their turf.
There wouldn't be any problem if they spent all their time rolling dice, but they're the ones claiming to be Anti-Foreigner Faction as they rob, threaten, and kill people.
A bunch of thieves willing to do anything.
Well, I wouldn't say that they're cut out to take over as the big evil group in Yoshiwara, but there may be a connection.
You should get going.
I'll stand out if I have a woman with me.
Besides, women can't stand many-legged creatures.
Fool.
How could the leader of the Hyakka run away at this point? Besides, I've already said that I stopped being a woman long ago.
You're the type that's guaranteed to press charges if my elbow happens to poke your boob on a packed train.
Leave, stupid.
Then go ahead and touch me.
I don't mind.
Huh? I won't let myself be taken lightly.
Touch me.
I'm not going to touch you.
I don't want any unnecessary trouble.
You won't run into any To Love-Ru.
[Note: To Love-Ru, a sexy-romantic-comedy that was published in JUMP.
It's pronounced the same as "trouble".
.]
Fool.
Just touch me already.
Hey, don't underestimate To Love-Ru.
Wake up to find a naked girl in your bed.
Trip and dive into another girl's crotch.
Even your little sister doesn't mind.
I told you, stuff like that won't happen! Touch me already! Cut it out! A girl shouldn't say stuff like that! You're supposed to save that phrase for when it counts A spider! Huh? This is Wh-What What do you think you're doing?! Hey This isn't how you said it'd be? Zip it.
You have no right to talk.
Uh Who are you people? Which gang y'all from? Why ya peekin' in our place? 'Fess up.
I was getting some puff-puff action.
Like hell you were! Come up with a better lie! Uh, that's actually what I was doing.
More like, I was forced into doing it.
Don't insinuate anything weird.
In any case, we were just doing some puff-puff action.
Nothing suspicious about us at all.
You'd be pretty damn suspicious if that was what you were actually doing! Uh, to be honest We're a couple of thugs who wanna join the Benigumoto.
Wha-?! What? Thugs? Heh, you've got balls.
You brought a woman to come see me, the great Unkai, head of the Benigumoto? No way.
I never meant to offend you.
Cut me some slack, Unkie Turd.
Who are you calling Unkie Turd?! I've just been a little constipated lately.
We're a married thug couple.
Huh?! Both of us are intent on joining the Benigumoto together.
Right? We're a couple of thugs.
Wha?! We had our kids grow mullets.
And we force them to wear tattoo jackets.
That's right.
I lead a gang of girls.
Gintoki was top dog at West High.
I was attracted to his lone wolf attitude and got knocked up and married at 17.
Rode the winds of Shonan during pregnancy and ended up with twins.
Dia and Block have hair down to their waist now.
[Note: The names combine to form "Diablock", a Japanese block toy similar to Lego.
.]
Dia? Block? You gave your kids some crazy names! Boss! No doubt about it! These guys are genuine thugs! Why not let them join? I'd be more than happy to welcome this babe.
Even if she's damaged goods.
Come on, she's married.
Exactly.
I get turned on when I take something that belongs to another person.
Let's ice the husband and take turns getting some of that puff-puff action! Don't take me lightly.
I could skewer every single one of you in an instant, if I wanted to.
And here's a heads-up.
My husband is a hundred times stronger than me.
Your husband's been skewered.
Wha-? You threw it without any warning.
Say something next time.
Sorry.
The husband aside, this woman should prove useful.
It can never hurt to have too many bodyguards.
Work your asses off.
Gintoki.
What if, what if these Benigumoto have absolutely nothing to do with the case? What will happen to us? Yeah, well you know? We'd be treated as accomplices, and that's the end of that.
What do you mean, the end of that? Don't you mean the end of us? Huh? What do we do then? Go pole vaulting? In Hawaii or something? Hey, do you want to die? Besides, where is this car even headed? Don't worry about it.
It's probably going to a drug warehouse.
We'll find a link there.
Uh, excuse me.
Where are we going? A kamaboko plant.
[Note: Kamaboko = processed fish meat.]
A kamaboko plant, he said.
Isn't that nice? I happened to be hungry.
No, it's not! What exactly did you come here for? And what kind of business do they have with a kamaboko plant? Must be, y'know? Some kind of new drug that's made from kamaboko? We're going to run over the plan before we reach the site.
Grab as much kamaboko as you can and run for it! What plan?! These people just want to steal kamaboko! Okay, we're here! The kamaboko team gets off here! The illegal drug team should remain seated until we reach the warehouse.
Illegal drug team and kamaboko team? What kind of selection is that? Hey, get off! You're on the kamaboko team! Grab as much kamaboko as you can and run for it! Excuse me, I can't stand kamaboko, so please put me on the drug team.
The sight of that pink layer makes me want to hurl.
Oh really Then I'll grab sasa-kamaboko for you.
[Note: Sasa-kamaboko = white leaf-shaped kamaboko.]
Why are you joining in the kamaboko raid?! We managed to get on the drug team.
Hey, why is the kamaboko team arming up? Are they planning on risking their lives for kamaboko? Hey, what about the drug team? Gintoki, are we going to be okay? Probably.
No, I'm pretty sure we aren't okay.
We're fine.
It's getting hard to do business around here.
We aren't getting any drugs to sell.
They're all going to Yoshiwara.
The drug business has moved underground.
Lowly thugs like us can't do any business without the permission of the organizations who run the place.
There's been a change up top.
No, I suppose that the top was forcibly changed.
In the past, there were constant turf wars between the various gangs around.
But now, our leaders have all been killed, so we have to hold hands and do business for the same man.
There are this many spider tattoos on people besides the Benigumoto It appears that thieves and Faction members have been gathered from all over.
The gang we're in is like the company you'd outsource your grunt work to.
I suppose so.
What could a bunch of kamaboko thieves be good for? However We've found a lead.
The one single lead that will take us to the nest of the boss spider.
Who is that man? No idea.
The top leaders don't even know his identity.
Different people know him by different faces and different names.
All we know is that he's crushed a number of groups by himself.
Using some kind of phantasmagoric technique And his monstrous power He used that power to set up a web on this side in the blink of an eye.
Playing detective is fine, but you oughta be careful.
That man's web is vast and deep.
Step on even one of his threads and you'll become entangled and eaten.
Leaving no remains behind.
Shoot! We've been spotted! Hey, you've gotta be kidding me! Out of all that crowd, and from that location?! He wasn't a common criminal after all.
His sharp detection skill and his kunai weapon.
A ninja? No, his skills are more like a Damn! We're completely surrounded! Baby spiders crawling all over the place.
This is why I hate spiders! Gintoki, I'll buy us some time! You return to Yoshiwara and notify Hinowa and the Hyakka about this! Don't be joking! You think I'll leave a girl behind in a nest full of sleazy men?! I'm the one staying! I'm the one who brought you into this mess.
Go, quickly! I'll follow behind shortly.
Sorry, but I try not to take a woman's last minute nonsense seriously.
Stop treating me as a woman.
I've already told you, I've stopped being a woman along with these scars.
Ha! For someone who screams over a puff-puff action, you sure talk big! Please go, I beg you.
I wish to stay as your equal.
When I'm with you, my resolve weakens.
Give up on being a woman, Tsukuyo.
Don't shake up my feelings any further.
Pay attention, you idiot! You're the one who's not paying attention.
[Preview.]
How can you be alive?! Who the hell are you?! You don't have a chance against him.
The Original Head of the Hyakka I alone will protect you.
["Once You're Entangled in a Spiderweb, It's Hard to Get It Off.
".]
Master?! Boys and girls across the country, GinTama Gymnastics are starting! No, they aren't.
Can you stop trying to jump on every bandwagon? Oh, yeah? No good? No good.
[The real Pirameki Gymnastics are up next, on the TV show PIRAMEKINO!!.]
[Pirapirapi~ra! Pirapi~ra~!.]
[See you next week.
.]
To be able to see the moon from Yoshiwara Oh, don't be so silly.
You came to Yoshiwara only after its liberation.
Isn't that right, sir? No It existed long ago The ceiling may have been shut, but the moon existed back then.
A small, brave, and beautiful moon.
Again? The seventh one this month.
We can no longer ignore this.
At this rate, Yoshiwara will never be able to recover.
Also Thank you for your patronage, sir.
Of course.
I see.
Thank you very much! Excuse me.
No, excuse me.
You've come a long way, Tsukuyo.
Give up on being a woman, Tsukuyo.
If you wish to become one who protects instead of one who is protected, give up on being a woman.
You may not be the sun which shines above the people.
But I, alone, know of your beauty which secretly illuminates the land.
I, alone, shall watch over you.
I, alone will protect you.
Ma- Whatcha doing, Tsukuyo? Gin-san and everybody are here! Wake up already! I'm gonna leave without ya! I'm coming.
Go on ahead.
Don't forget to spruce yourself up.
Spruce up, is it? ["It's Bad Luck to See a Spider at Night".]
Hey, it's been a while.
Sheesh, still looking as dull as ever.
And you still look as much like a burnt field as ever.
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?! You'd better not be talking about my hair! Come on, it's been a while since we last met.
Could you two please stop fighting? Now that everyone's here, we can have a blast! Sorry, Seita.
Huh? Could you wait outside for a moment? What?! Hold on! I haven't even been in a close-up shot yet! That's all the screen time I get?! You should be glad that everyone was able to see you so happy.
No way! You've crossed the line here, Mom.
This is what I get, after waiting half a year? You see, what I wanted to talk to you guys about Screw them.
Stupid show.
I even sat back from the TV in a well-lit room every week to watch this show.
Hey, now.
Give me a break.
I didn't come here to work today.
Pretty please? Savior of Yoshiwara? There is certainly more freedom in Yoshiwara after Hosen's death.
However, we have some new vermin who used to stay clear of Yoshiwara because of Hosen.
After all, there was nothing more powerful than Hosen to deter crime.
To be honest, the crime rate was lower with Hosen around.
There's no end to the assaults, burglaries, break-ins, and other crimes committed by the Anti-Foreigner Faction.
The members of the Hyakka aren't able to keep up.
The biggest problem in Yoshiwara at the moment would be the sale of illegal drugs.
Prostitutes whose bodies and souls have been worn out turn to drugs for a moment of pleasure.
This town may appear at peace, but they've already spread far and wide in the shadows.
There's one man running most of the business in Yoshiwara.
Fujinosuke Hashiba, said to be Yoshiwara's best customer No, his name holds no meaning.
He has many names.
Not only names.
He has multiple titles and faces.
But I doubt that any are grounded in reality.
He must be laughing as we struggle to find incriminating evidence, while he buys Yoshiwara women, drinks liquor, and watches as this town collapses around him.
How are we supposed to catch a guy like that? I barely deserve the title of Yoshiwara's Savior.
You should know.
I'm doing business under the table here.
Nevertheless, we need your familiarity with this world.
Don't worry.
I have a lead.
What? I saw a spider.
While I was on watch, I clearly saw it.
A spider tattoo on that man's neck A spider, huh? Not much to go by, but oh well.
I'll have to let myself be caught.
In the spider web.
C'mon! Place your bets! Evens or odds? Make your choice! Place your bets! Even! Odd! Even! Odd! Odd! Even! They all have spider tattoos? The Benigumoto (Red Spiders).
This gambling parlor is on their turf.
There wouldn't be any problem if they spent all their time rolling dice, but they're the ones claiming to be Anti-Foreigner Faction as they rob, threaten, and kill people.
A bunch of thieves willing to do anything.
Well, I wouldn't say that they're cut out to take over as the big evil group in Yoshiwara, but there may be a connection.
You should get going.
I'll stand out if I have a woman with me.
Besides, women can't stand many-legged creatures.
Fool.
How could the leader of the Hyakka run away at this point? Besides, I've already said that I stopped being a woman long ago.
You're the type that's guaranteed to press charges if my elbow happens to poke your boob on a packed train.
Leave, stupid.
Then go ahead and touch me.
I don't mind.
Huh? I won't let myself be taken lightly.
Touch me.
I'm not going to touch you.
I don't want any unnecessary trouble.
You won't run into any To Love-Ru.
[Note: To Love-Ru, a sexy-romantic-comedy that was published in JUMP.
It's pronounced the same as "trouble".
.]
Fool.
Just touch me already.
Hey, don't underestimate To Love-Ru.
Wake up to find a naked girl in your bed.
Trip and dive into another girl's crotch.
Even your little sister doesn't mind.
I told you, stuff like that won't happen! Touch me already! Cut it out! A girl shouldn't say stuff like that! You're supposed to save that phrase for when it counts A spider! Huh? This is Wh-What What do you think you're doing?! Hey This isn't how you said it'd be? Zip it.
You have no right to talk.
Uh Who are you people? Which gang y'all from? Why ya peekin' in our place? 'Fess up.
I was getting some puff-puff action.
Like hell you were! Come up with a better lie! Uh, that's actually what I was doing.
More like, I was forced into doing it.
Don't insinuate anything weird.
In any case, we were just doing some puff-puff action.
Nothing suspicious about us at all.
You'd be pretty damn suspicious if that was what you were actually doing! Uh, to be honest We're a couple of thugs who wanna join the Benigumoto.
Wha-?! What? Thugs? Heh, you've got balls.
You brought a woman to come see me, the great Unkai, head of the Benigumoto? No way.
I never meant to offend you.
Cut me some slack, Unkie Turd.
Who are you calling Unkie Turd?! I've just been a little constipated lately.
We're a married thug couple.
Huh?! Both of us are intent on joining the Benigumoto together.
Right? We're a couple of thugs.
Wha?! We had our kids grow mullets.
And we force them to wear tattoo jackets.
That's right.
I lead a gang of girls.
Gintoki was top dog at West High.
I was attracted to his lone wolf attitude and got knocked up and married at 17.
Rode the winds of Shonan during pregnancy and ended up with twins.
Dia and Block have hair down to their waist now.
[Note: The names combine to form "Diablock", a Japanese block toy similar to Lego.
.]
Dia? Block? You gave your kids some crazy names! Boss! No doubt about it! These guys are genuine thugs! Why not let them join? I'd be more than happy to welcome this babe.
Even if she's damaged goods.
Come on, she's married.
Exactly.
I get turned on when I take something that belongs to another person.
Let's ice the husband and take turns getting some of that puff-puff action! Don't take me lightly.
I could skewer every single one of you in an instant, if I wanted to.
And here's a heads-up.
My husband is a hundred times stronger than me.
Your husband's been skewered.
Wha-? You threw it without any warning.
Say something next time.
Sorry.
The husband aside, this woman should prove useful.
It can never hurt to have too many bodyguards.
Work your asses off.
Gintoki.
What if, what if these Benigumoto have absolutely nothing to do with the case? What will happen to us? Yeah, well you know? We'd be treated as accomplices, and that's the end of that.
What do you mean, the end of that? Don't you mean the end of us? Huh? What do we do then? Go pole vaulting? In Hawaii or something? Hey, do you want to die? Besides, where is this car even headed? Don't worry about it.
It's probably going to a drug warehouse.
We'll find a link there.
Uh, excuse me.
Where are we going? A kamaboko plant.
[Note: Kamaboko = processed fish meat.]
A kamaboko plant, he said.
Isn't that nice? I happened to be hungry.
No, it's not! What exactly did you come here for? And what kind of business do they have with a kamaboko plant? Must be, y'know? Some kind of new drug that's made from kamaboko? We're going to run over the plan before we reach the site.
Grab as much kamaboko as you can and run for it! What plan?! These people just want to steal kamaboko! Okay, we're here! The kamaboko team gets off here! The illegal drug team should remain seated until we reach the warehouse.
Illegal drug team and kamaboko team? What kind of selection is that? Hey, get off! You're on the kamaboko team! Grab as much kamaboko as you can and run for it! Excuse me, I can't stand kamaboko, so please put me on the drug team.
The sight of that pink layer makes me want to hurl.
Oh really Then I'll grab sasa-kamaboko for you.
[Note: Sasa-kamaboko = white leaf-shaped kamaboko.]
Why are you joining in the kamaboko raid?! We managed to get on the drug team.
Hey, why is the kamaboko team arming up? Are they planning on risking their lives for kamaboko? Hey, what about the drug team? Gintoki, are we going to be okay? Probably.
No, I'm pretty sure we aren't okay.
We're fine.
It's getting hard to do business around here.
We aren't getting any drugs to sell.
They're all going to Yoshiwara.
The drug business has moved underground.
Lowly thugs like us can't do any business without the permission of the organizations who run the place.
There's been a change up top.
No, I suppose that the top was forcibly changed.
In the past, there were constant turf wars between the various gangs around.
But now, our leaders have all been killed, so we have to hold hands and do business for the same man.
There are this many spider tattoos on people besides the Benigumoto It appears that thieves and Faction members have been gathered from all over.
The gang we're in is like the company you'd outsource your grunt work to.
I suppose so.
What could a bunch of kamaboko thieves be good for? However We've found a lead.
The one single lead that will take us to the nest of the boss spider.
Who is that man? No idea.
The top leaders don't even know his identity.
Different people know him by different faces and different names.
All we know is that he's crushed a number of groups by himself.
Using some kind of phantasmagoric technique And his monstrous power He used that power to set up a web on this side in the blink of an eye.
Playing detective is fine, but you oughta be careful.
That man's web is vast and deep.
Step on even one of his threads and you'll become entangled and eaten.
Leaving no remains behind.
Shoot! We've been spotted! Hey, you've gotta be kidding me! Out of all that crowd, and from that location?! He wasn't a common criminal after all.
His sharp detection skill and his kunai weapon.
A ninja? No, his skills are more like a Damn! We're completely surrounded! Baby spiders crawling all over the place.
This is why I hate spiders! Gintoki, I'll buy us some time! You return to Yoshiwara and notify Hinowa and the Hyakka about this! Don't be joking! You think I'll leave a girl behind in a nest full of sleazy men?! I'm the one staying! I'm the one who brought you into this mess.
Go, quickly! I'll follow behind shortly.
Sorry, but I try not to take a woman's last minute nonsense seriously.
Stop treating me as a woman.
I've already told you, I've stopped being a woman along with these scars.
Ha! For someone who screams over a puff-puff action, you sure talk big! Please go, I beg you.
I wish to stay as your equal.
When I'm with you, my resolve weakens.
Give up on being a woman, Tsukuyo.
Don't shake up my feelings any further.
Pay attention, you idiot! You're the one who's not paying attention.
[Preview.]
How can you be alive?! Who the hell are you?! You don't have a chance against him.
The Original Head of the Hyakka I alone will protect you.
["Once You're Entangled in a Spiderweb, It's Hard to Get It Off.
".]
Master?! Boys and girls across the country, GinTama Gymnastics are starting! No, they aren't.
Can you stop trying to jump on every bandwagon? Oh, yeah? No good? No good.
[The real Pirameki Gymnastics are up next, on the TV show PIRAMEKINO!!.]
[Pirapirapi~ra! Pirapi~ra~!.]
[See you next week.
.]