In Living Color (1990) s04e27 Episode Script

[Announcer.]
Welcome to In Living Color's "Night at the Movies.
" [Announcer.]
His fly threads come from all the finest boutiques.
Hey, mama.
[Announcer.]
He's the funky fresh dudewho don't have time for sweets.
- Hey, Superfly.
- Get outta my way, bitch! And he's cleaningthe dope peddlers off the street.
Who wants some, y'all? How about a little candy for you, little man? - All right.
- Hey, cool breeze! Superfly, it ain't what you think, man.
Trying to sell drugs to kids.
You'll pay for this, maggot.
No, man! [Groans.]
[Announcer.]
And he's the dudewho always throws up before he eats.
Not my face! [Screams.]
I'm melting! Mm! Mm! Mm! [Announcer.]
The Superfly is coming this summer.
Catch the buzz.
- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color Let's take a tripand sip on a dream Glide with the guideon a funky scene Here comes another oneof those funky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go Adiós, señorita.
[Shouting, Indistinct.]
¡A y! ¡Dios mío! Thief! Stop! Those men.
.
.
they stole my fruit! If only El Rocketeer were here to save me.
[Dramatic.]
[Power Blast.]
[Both Laughing.]
[Groans.]
[Engine Fires.]
- [Gasps.]
- Who was that hombre? And where the hell did he come from? Gracias, Rocketeer.
Gracias.
[Announcer, Spanish Accent.]
He isthe law and order from the south of the border.
He is El Grande y Spectacular Muchacho Rocketeer.
Coming this summerto theaters everywhere.
And look for your El Muchacho Rocketeer glasses and mugs.
.
.
at your participatingTaco Bell and Del Taco.
[Announcer.]
Christie Brown,the hero from My Left Foot, is back.
.
.
and he's notjust kickin'his handicap,he's kickin'some ass.
.
.
as Ireland's champion kickboxerin My Left Foot of Fury.
[Yells.]
- 'Nother pint there, Christie? - Not tonight, Reg.
I'm wheelin'.
- I said no! - Hey! Leave her alone.
Who's gonna make me? - I am.
- And who's gonna help ya, gimpy? I am.
Van Damme, brass knuckles.
[Announcer.]
Reunited with his Belgian brother,Jean-Claude Van Damme.
.
.
he's putting his foot downwhere it counts.
Van Damme, nunchakus.
[Shouts.]
[Shouting Continues.]
Anybody else want some? Huh? Huh? [Yells, Grunts.]
Van Damme.
Wheelbarrow.
Wheelbarrow.
Damn it, I love a good fight.
[Announcer.]
Christie Brown, Jean-Claude Van Damme.
.
.
kicking into high gearin My Left Foot of Fury.
Now, let me get this straight.
.
.
you're looking for someone called the Gibberish Killer.
.
.
who leaves nonsensical notes on his victim's bodies.
That's correct, which is why I need to speak to the doctor immediately.
He could give me a psychological profile.
.
.
of this nut so we can catch him before he murders again.
[Laughs.]
Oh, my darling Ms.
Starling.
Let me first say this man is very dangerous.
If you're not careful, he could.
.
.
psychologically destroy you.
[Laughs.]
My four years at the academy weren't exactly a charm school, Doctor.
- I think I can handle him.
- Well, here we are.
Ms.
Starling, meet Oswald Bates.
I'll just leave you two alone to get better acquainted.
Mr.
Bates, my name is Special Agent Clarice Starling.
I'd like to ask you a few questions, sir.
I said, I need your help, Mr.
Bates.
[Sniffs.]
I can specify your Kunta Kinte from here.
If you're referring to my cologne, sir, it's called Obsession.
.
.
something I'm sure you're not unfamiliar with.
Ah, douché! Or should I say Summer's Eve? Your psychological games won't work with me, Doctor.
I'm immune.
Ovulate! Great.
I'd like you to take a look at this and see if you can make anything out of it.
[Sniffs.]
"I will Pepto Bismolize.
.
.
"and Betty Crockalize.
.
.
"any spermeation of my smegmatic taxicab.
.
.
excuse me, maxi pad.
" The man is sick.
I realize that, sir.
That's why I need your help.
Where is he going to strike next? First proctologize yourself.
.
.
in his Rico Suavematic gyrations.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, so.
.
.
No, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to give me more than that.
Kleenex! You're not constipating! Imogene Cocalize the slaughter of the lambada! Of course! Albuquerque! That would be in line with his fascination for polysyllabic non sequiturs.
Ex-Lax-cidy! And now, you must spew.
.
.
your liquids for me! Let me put it to you this way, Doctor.
The testicuality of the atmosphere, uh.
.
.
excuse me.
.
.
pap smear is not juicified to the, uh.
.
.
Oh, what's the word? Uh.
.
.
- Deflecation.
- Yes, deflecation of your circumcision.
That.
.
.
That's all I can do.
Oh! Oh! Oh! I can smell your feet! Anybody moves and you dead! I say we waste 'em all right now.
[Man Narrating.]
237 people.
.
.
trapped byinternational terrorists.
They had no hope.
That is, until.
.
.
- Eh.
- [Narrator.]
Jackée is passenger 227.
Drop 'em.
All right.
You make one move, and I'll blow your head off.
Oh, I like the sound of that.
Oh, look.
I broke a nail.
Anybody got a Lee Press-on? Where's Mary? Who the hell are you? Oh, I'm Sandra, airline security.
Now, what's a good-looking terrorist like you doing hijacking a plane like this? Airline security? What is this, some kind of a joke or something? No, it's your worst nightmare.
But if you play your cards right.
.
.
it might be your dream come true, tall, dark and handsome.
Eh, I get off at 8:00.
Look.
I have an idea.
I'll keep them covered, you go down and de-fuel the plane.
.
.
and then when it's low enough, jump out of the baggage compartment.
.
.
run to the control tower and tell them what's going on here.
Then you can come back and save the day.
Are you crazy? You been watching too many Wesley Snipes movies.
- Who? - You know Wes.
.
.
Tall, dark and.
.
.
Never mind.
You just make yourself useful, get somebody a pillow or something.
We have you now, funny, sitcom woman.
- Look what you did.
- Now the shoe's on the other foot, Miss Airline Security.
[Phone Buzzes.]
Hello? It's the control tower.
Now it's time to meet my demands.
I want $100,000 cash.
I want a passports.
And l.
.
.
Hold on a second, there's another call coming through.
Hello? - It's for you.
- Oh.
Hello? Oh, hey, Mary.
It's.
.
.
Oh.
No, I didn't teach your daughter to do that thing with her tongue.
I think Rose did.
No, I don't think so, but I'll ask him anyway.
Bye, Mary.
Now, uh, would you be interested in, uh, having dinner? I have no time for you, lady.
Oh, how dare you! In that case.
Oh, look over there.
- [Yells.]
- Eh.
[Narrator.]
Coming this fall from Fox.
Jackée is passenger 227.
I'll do anything I can to help you with the investigation, Detective.
What do you want to know? Well, uh, let me get right to the point, Miss Tramell.
I need to ask you some questions about Steve Derrick.
Uh-huh.
When was the last time you saw him? - The last time? - Yeah.
- He was lying down here on this bed.
- Whoa.
Oh.
Uh, was he? Um, why don't you, uh.
.
.
show me exactly what happened, sort of flesh out the details.
Maybe I can get all of the evidence I need.
Whatever you want.
You're the cop.
[Sighs.]
He was all tied up.
Naked.
.
.
and helpless.
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
And, um.
.
.
then what happened? Then my girlfriend took over.
Girlfriend? I love you.
I think this was yours.
Still got the flavor.
Ooh, it's a policeman.
How you doing? Is that a Taser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? [Chuckles.]
Hey, look, I wish could see you, but your voice sounds lovely.
Okay, then.
Well, if you think the voice is milky smooth, wait till you see the whole package.
- You gonna freak.
- Is that right? Oh, I love a freak too.
Hey, look, why don't you tell me what happened between you and Derrick? Okay, then.
First of all, I stripped downto my unmentionables, right? My Victoria's Secretions.
- I know you like that, right? - Oh, God, yes.
And then I creeped up on him like I was a gorilla in the mist.
[Imitating Gorilla.]
- Ooh.
- And got down on him like he was a helpless rabbit.
Ooh! Hunt me down and take me, sugar.
Hey, like a bowl of grits.
Hey, is that a.
.
.
Hey, I thought cops only carried a.
38.
Well, baby, what you dealing with here is.
357 magnum.
Hey, Dirty Harry.
- Sugar.
- Look, why don't you make my day? Take off this blindfold.
Let's play a little show and tell.
Okay, hey, that's my song.
Show and tell [Both.]
Just a game I play - When I wanna say, l.
.
.
- [Screaming.]
[Screaming Continues.]
Who put a wig on Charles Barkley? I thought you said you wanted to freak too.
Hey, I wanted to freak.
I don't want to be with a damn freak.
That's the only way you can be freaky too.
Why you tripping? You know I got you? You ain't got to go nowhere.
I have you.
So, why you tripping, huh? Why don't you just relax and take this too.
Come on, don't you want to bump uglies? - Bump uglies? Bump uglies? - Yeah.
Honey, look like you took ugly face on.
Well, first of all, why you tripping like that? You know I'm your love beast.
Love beast, huh? Somebody left the cage open at the zoo, that's for damn sure.
Oh, you tripping now.
Why you tripping now? You gonna make.
.
.
[Screaming.]
No, don't kill me! Don't kill me! - Oh, God, don't kill me! Don't kill me! - Just shut up! - Be quiet.
- Don't ki.
.
.
Don't ki.
.
.
I ain't gonna ki.
.
.
I ain't go.
.
.
Shut up.
I ain't gonna kill you.
I just gotta pick something outta my teeth.
Oh, God.
Oh, I thought you were gonna kill me.
- And then you know what I'm gonna do? - What you gonna.
.
.
I'm gonna rock your world.
Kill me.
Kill me.
Go ahead.
Just right there.
Stick it right in the neck.
- Oh, you so crazy.
- Please.
- Wait a minute.
First of all, what happened to the.
357? - Shoot me in the eyes.
See, I have this problem all the time.
They always get nervous and stuff 'cause they can't handle this type of woman.
I'm too much for 'em.
But what we need to do is just relax ourselves, you know? All I need to do is just have me a little smoke.
.
.
so you can get your mind together, you know? Then I'll let you imagine what you've been missing.
[Screaming.]
- What's wrong with you?What's wrong with you? - [Screaming Continues.]
Mother of God! I've seen the face of Satan himself! Why don't you give the devil his due too? - [Screaming.]
- What's wrong with you? Where you going? - Where you going? - [Screaming.]
I lied! I lied! Derrick wasn't killed! He was scared to death! - What's wrong with you? - Police! Police! [Audience Ahhing.]
I was gonna rock his world too.
[Sobs.]
- Well, thanks for joining us.
We'll be back next week.
- [Dance.]
So, don't forget to tune in.
- Peace.
Love you, Ma.
- Love you, Ma.
[No Audible Dialogue.]