Bewitched (1964) s04e30 Episode Script

Okay, flight crew, are we ready? A-okay, Daddy.
Roger.
Geronimo.
Clear for launch.
- Countdown.
Three, two, one.
- Blast off.
- I hate - Blast off.
Yes.
I hate to break up this moon mission, gang but Colonel Stephens and I have an ordinary Earth rendezvous at the Blakes'.
Ready in a minute, honey.
I know it's painful for you to give up your command Colonel Stephens, but be brave.
- Okay.
Okay.
Aunt Clara, you got everything straight? Yes.
Yes, of course.
I think so.
Now let me see.
The Blakes' telephone number is in the icebox and the glass of milk is pinned to the bulletin board.
Or is it? I've got an idea.
Instead of letting your Aunt Clara baby-sit why don't we stay home until Tabatha's 21? Good night, Aunt Clara.
We'll be home early.
Roger.
Well, have a good time.
And everything's "O-akay.
" All right, Tabatha.
One more flight, and we're off to bed.
Countdown, one, two.
Excellent, Tabatha, excellent.
You're a better spaceman than Dr.
Spock.
Well, never mind.
I'll get it, and then off to bed.
Here, saucer.
Here, saucer.
Why, you naughty little saucer, you come right back here.
Flying saucer in dark est night Hark ye, land within my sight It's big.
Full moon Tide rise Shrink this saucer back to size It's still big.
Tabatha, it's definitely past your bedtime.
Come, dear.
But I'll be back.
Oh, boy, Orvis, this is a fine mess you've got us into this time.
It's not my fault, Alpha.
The controls are frozen.
You're the navigator, aren't you, dummy? One minute we're flying over Parenthia, and then: We're a million miles away in outer space.
This proves one thing, though.
There is life on other planets.
They speak Parenthian too.
The question is, are they dangerous? Don't worry, Orvis.
We have our N-guns for protection.
Hi, Aunt Clara.
Everything go all right? Oh, hello, children.
Oh, yes, yes.
Everything's all right.
- And Tabatha's asleep in bed.
- Good.
Well, it was a very uneventful evening.
Almost.
- What do you mean, "Almost"? - What does she mean, "Almost"? What do you mean, "Almost"? Well, Darrin, you know that little toy saucer that you like so much? Yes.
What about it? - Well, you're going to love it now.
- I am? Well, there's so much more of it to love.
All right, Aunt Clara.
Out with it.
Well Now, sweetheart.
Try and keep an open mind.
It's a wonder I can keep any mind at all.
- Well, what do you think? - I think you've done it again.
Well, it's quite easy to explain.
You see, the saucer flew around and flew out the door.
And I couldn't find it.
So I wanted to zap it back, and, well l'm afraid I didn't realize my own strength.
I'm impressed.
Now, please shrink it.
Oh, but I tried to, and nothing happened.
The first one is back, and it's brought more of them.
Look at the ridiculous ears on the tall one.
Sam, you've got to cut this thing down to size, and quick.
Well, I wish I could, sweetheart, but, you see, it's Aunt Clara's - Aunt Clara's spell.
- Well, you're catching on.
But I'm sure that after a good night's sleep Aunt Clara will be able to reverse the spell.
Okay.
But if that thing doesn't fit into the toy box the first thing in the morning, I'll tak e a hacksaw and do it myself.
Did you hear that? He's coming back in the morning to destroy us.
If he aims his hacksaw at us we'll blast him with the N-gun.
I knew it.
I was right.
There was a noise last night, and it was caused by that flying saucer.
Just wait till Mr.
Abner "Know-it-All" Kravitz sees this.
Abner! Abner, wake up! Wake up! Sophia, we'll motor down the Via Veneto together.
- Abner.
- Oh, it's you.
- What are you screeching about? - An invasion.
- Right in our neighbourhood.
- Your mother's back? In the Stephens' back yard.
I'd rather have her over there than here.
It's not my mother.
It's a flying saucer.
- You know what I think? - What? I think your curlers are wound too tight.
All right.
You don't have to believe me.
- I'm gonna call the Air Force.
- I gave up Sophia for this.
- Where's Aunt Clara? - She's still asleep.
Asleep? Sam, it's after 8:00.
We've gotta do something about that saucer before everyone sees it.
The doorbell.
What do we do now? Relax, sweetheart.
We're not Bonnie and Clyde.
I'll get it.
I don't know why you just don't go around back and peek at the saucer.
Mrs.
Kravitz, the Air Force doesn't peek.
It investigates.
- Yes? Who is it? - It's Mrs.
Kravitz.
I've got to talk to you.
Well, I'm sorry, Mrs.
Kravitz, but I'm all out of sugar.
It's not about sugar, Mrs.
Stephens.
It's about your flying saucer.
She knows.
What will we tell her? Why not say it's for an ad campaign? Wait a minute.
Why not say it's for an ad campaign? - I just said that.
- That's where I heard it.
Hello, Mrs.
Kravitz.
Why, Mrs.
Kravitz, I didn't know you had sons in the service.
Very amusing, Mr.
Stephens.
This just happens to be Colonel Burkett and Captain Tugwell of the Air Force.
Oh, is our TV antenna up a little too high? Oh, no, Mrs.
Stephens, but your neighbour claims she saw a flying saucer in your back yard.
A flying saucer? You mean the thing in the back yard? Well, I'm in the ad game, colonel, and I built that flying saucer to publicize a new space toy.
- Space toy? - It's very authentic-looking.
You don't mind if we take a look, do you? Of course not.
Right this way.
Gosh, it sure looks real to me.
Well, that's quite a compliment, captain coming from an expert like you.
What's it made of, Stephens? Just odds and ends.
Colonel, the Air Force should know about this.
We are the Air Force.
- I'm sorry, Uncle Charlie.
- Tugwell, I got you in the Air Force.
If you don't stop with the "Uncle Charlie" I will get you in the infantry.
- Golly, Mom said Tugwell.
It doesn't look like a toy to me.
Say, did you bring a photographer? - Would you like to take pictures? - Yes.
This promotion can use all the publicity it can get.
- I'm sorry, Stephens.
This won't get any publicity from us.
As far as the Air Force is concerned, this investigation is closed.
Come along, Tugwell.
- Wait a minute.
Don't leave.
- Bye-bye, Mrs.
Kravitz.
It looks to me like the ones in uniform are dangerous.
Maybe the other ones are friendly.
We might as well find out.
We can't stay in here forever.
Good idea.
You go.
I'll guard the ship.
Open the hatch, Orvis.
Boy, that was some pretty fancy footwork.
I'll go wake up Aunt Clara, and this toy will be back to normal in no time.
Samantha! Oh, my stars.
How do you expect me to feel, with a real flying saucer with real spacemen sitting in my back yard? You don't realize what's happened.
Your Aunt Clara topped herself.
She started an invasion from outer space.
Now, Darrin, it's not an invasion from outer space.
Aunt Clara's spell just went wrong.
See, she's working on the counter-spell.
Sure.
I think I'll go into the kitchen and get a cup of coffee.
Sam.
Honey, I think you're taking this too lightly.
This is a spaceship from an alien planet.
I know.
- Cute, isn't it? - I'm reporting this to the Air Force.
What do we do now, Alpha? He wants to turn us in.
She hasn't lost the argument yet.
We'll just wait.
- How long can we wait? - Will you please stop arguing so I can hear them arguing? Whatever is in there may be mad for being wrenched out of space into our back yard.
Who's mad? I'm not mad.
- Are you mad, Alpha? - Not me.
Darrin, I just know they're friendly.
There's only one way to prove it.
I'm going to coax them out here.
- Sam, I wouldn't think of permitting - Don't worry, sweetheart.
If they show any signs of meanness, I'll just pop back to you.
- But, Sam - Worrywart.
Sam? Sam, where are you? - That's right.
Where is she? - Here I am.
How? How did she do that? If they're that far advanced, we don't stand a chance.
Well, I'm glad you speak our language.
At least we won't have any communication problem.
My name is Samantha.
We're from the planet Parenthia.
And don't you dare come any closer.
Before we put our N-guns away, I'd like to know where we are and how we got here.
- Well, you are on the planet Earth.
And the way you got here Well, you see, my aunt is a witch.
- A what? - No, stupid, not a "what," a "which.
" Are you sure you don't mean a "who"? It is a little complicated.
But the important thing is you want to go home, right? Good.
Now, put away your guns.
These are only N-guns.
That's right.
N stands for "niceness.
" It wouldn't hurt you.
It'd just make you friendly.
But I'm already friendly.
That's right, stupid.
She's on our side.
It's the one with the funny ears who's mean.
He's really a very nice fellow.
Look, why don't you two come into the house and I'll fix you a nice hot breakfast and we can learn more about each other.
- Well - Cross my heart, fellas.
I will not take you to my leader.
Okay, open up in there! Darrin, I'd like you to meet our guests from the planet Parenthia.
Show them how friendly the natives can be, sweetheart.
Welcome to our planet, gentlemen.
Well, he certainly has changed his tune.
I think the atmosphere is all right for us.
My nose is still cold.
How can you just sit there? You were right, Mrs.
Kravitz.
There is something funny going on around here.
Our radar tracking shows that something streaked to Earth in this area.
And if my hunch is right, I'll be wearing oak leaves.
That figures.
This place is getting squirrelier by the minute.
Floppy ears.
My, my.
I thought spacemen had pointed ears.
She means like my cousin Rondo.
You remember? The one that had the ear job.
So you say you descended from apes, eh? Well, that's believable.
Sam, I'm gonna call the Air Force.
Sweetheart, he's right, relatively speaking.
I know, but it's the way he said it.
Alpha, don't be a snob.
After all, our ancestors walked on all fours too.
Would you like to see a picture of my family? Oh, I'd love to.
- Is that your wife? - Yes.
And those are the twins, Yip and Yap.
This is the first time I've been away.
She's going to be howling mad.
But you know, I kind of miss her whining.
Sweetheart, I keep thinking how I'd feel if we were separated.
I guess you're right, honey.
It wouldn't be fair to keep them here.
But what about? Wait a minute.
I have an idea.
Aunt Clara, wasn't Tabatha with you when you cast the spell? Well, yes.
That's it.
Well, of course.
Why do you ask? She might remember some of the words.
Come on.
Let's go upstairs.
What is it? They never covered anything like this in Officer's Candidate School.
Let me take a look.
Okay, but wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You mean to tell me that your planet Earth is 250 trillion miles from Parenthia? Boy, you're really out in the boondocks, aren't you? So that's what they've been up to.
Isn't there some kind of law against harbouring space people? Wait till Uncle Charlie sees this.
He'll never be able to call me a ding-a-ling again.
Come on.
I've gotta use your phone.
You go.
I'm not budging from this spot.
All right.
But keep out of sight.
This is so exciting.
You fellas better wait in the ship.
That way you'll be ready.
Orvis, you wouldn't want to forget the syrup.
Thank you.
Pancakes without syrup is ridiculous.
Halt! - I'm making a citizen's arrest.
- Mrs.
Kravitz.
I knew there was something weird about your family.
You're an advanced unit from another planet.
Now, Mrs.
Kravitz, you're just excited.
You're not gonna get away with it.
Captain Tugwell has contacted Colonel Burkett and the Air Force is on their way here right now.
And you'll be captured and put where you belong.
Boy, this one is really begging for a shot of niceness.
Hello, Mr.
Stephens.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your adorable companions? Why, certainly, Mrs.
Kravitz.
This is Alpha and Orvis, some actor friends of ours.
They're with the Parenthian Players.
Well, they're just the cutest, most adorable loveable little angels I've ever met.
Tell me about yourself, precious.
I liked her better the other way.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick some flowers for my husband.
He's been so understanding.
Okay, boys, into the ship.
The Air Force is on its way.
Where are the spacemen? Spacemen? There aren't any spacemen.
Care for a flower? Sweetheart, Tabatha remembered part of it.
"Night" and "sight.
" Don't worry, boys.
It should be any minute now.
- Let's hope so.
I hate long goodbyes.
- Come on, dummy.
I don't want to rush you, Aunt Clara but I think those sirens are for us.
Yes, light, fright.
- No, night and sight.
Night and sight.
- Night and sight.
This better not be another false alarm.
Wait'll you see them.
They've got floppy ears.
They're in back.
Come on.
Shane, stick with the car radio, just in case, huh? Springer, you go around the other way.
I'll give it one more chance.
Flying saucer from out the night All right.
Nobody move.
You're all my prisoners.
Return ye now and leave my sight Okay, Tugwell, where are your space people with the long, floppy ears? Okay, Stephens, where did you hide the spacemen? - Spacemen? - What spacemen? You saw them, Mrs.
Kravitz.
The little men with the floppy ears, remember? Oh, you mean those actors.
It's not very nice of you to make fun of them.
None of us is perfect, captain.
Here, colonel, have a tulip.
Tugwell, you're gonna love it in the infantry.
But, Uncle Charlie, Mom said that you were gonna Oh, Aunt Clara.
Oh, you were wonderful.
Oh, dear.
Thank you, darling.
Wasn't she wonderful, Darrin? I don't know what's so wonderful about giving my ulcer an ulcer.
I don't think that's very nice.
After all, Aunt Clara got rid of the saucer for us, didn't she? That's true.
She got rid of it, all right but let's not lose sight of the fact that it was Aunt Clara in the first place who - You were wonderful, Aunt Clara.
- Oh, thank you, Darrin.
Thank you, Darrin.
Oh, darling.
You know, something good could have come from this experience.
- What's that? - If we had asked I bet they would have left one of their niceness guns.
Who knows? It might even work on your mother.
Darrin.
Well