Bewitched (1964) s04e32 Episode Script

Congratulations, sweetheart.
Sam, how did you know? Louise called me.
Why didn't you? Well, I wanted to tell you myself.
I should have known there was something big going on when you told me I could get mother to babysit.
- Is she here yet? - No, but she will be.
In the meantime, let's celebrate.
Honey, hold it.
Hold it.
It's not that big a deal.
I am not the Advertising Man of the Year.
I am just one of a number of Advertising Men of the Year named by the Huckster's Club.
That is an honour.
Like being named the Most Valuable Player or being invited to one of Truman Capote's parties.
Well, not that much of an honour but it did get us invited to a cocktail party that's being thrown by McMann & Tate in my honour.
Well, how about that.
So don't be so modest.
Sammy, it's really not that big of a deal.
Here's to Darrin Stephens, who has just won the humility trophy.
I did have a little celebration of my own planned.
Like going out to dinner and dancing at the Starlight Club.
I made reservations for 8:00.
I'd better go up and change.
- I'm very proud of you.
- Thank you.
- He's disgusting.
- Mother.
What a fantastic ego.
I thought he was being rather modest.
Behind that façade is the president of the Darwood Stephens Fan Club.
Mother, you have always claimed that Darrin was a nobody.
Now that he's being honoured by his peers, you cannot stand it.
A few compliments, people accepting dumbo's ideas, agreeing with him then you'd think everything he said was pure gold.
That may be true of some mortals but what you don't understand is Darrin is special.
Now, I'm gonna go upstairs and lay out his dinner jacket and you make yourself at home.
On the morrow, praise will heap High upon that mortal creep Then, my daughter, you will see Just how humble he can be From this day on, you will find Mortals bending to your mind You will have a glow of charm Extending twice your outstretched arm Mortals who in this circle be No matter what you say, agree Now, my boy, we'll see.
We'll see.
Good morning, Miss Willis.
Did you get that report out last night? Yes, but I'm still hung up on your "good morning.
" - What? - Everyone says hello when they come in, and it doesn't mean much.
But when you say "good morning," it Well, it just lights up the office.
Well, thank you very much, Miss Willis.
All I said was, "good morning.
" - Darrin? - Yeah, Lar.
O.
J.
Slocum's in my office being impossible.
Well, would you like me to see what I can do with him? Look, if the old smoothie here can't handle him, what could you do? No, I just came in to rest a little between rounds.
On the other hand, why don't you give him a try.
- Whatever you say.
- Well, you do have a kind of something about you.
An air of confidence.
You know, maybe it's that hokey award you won.
I don't know though.
You know, Slocum can be a real bear.
He just might tear you to shreds.
Larry if you enjoy suffering, don't let me interfere with your fun.
No, maybe you're right.
You've got a kind of glow of success about you today.
All right, Darrin, sic him, huh? Yeah.
Air of confidence? Glow of success? - Hello, Mr.
Slocum.
- Goodbye, Stephens.
Trying to double-team me with one of your junior partners? - No, of course not, O.
J.
- I don't deal with junior partners.
But tell me what you have in mind, Stephens.
Thank you, sir.
I'm a reasonable man, and I feel a warmth from you.
The right chemistry.
Now, let me have your thoughts.
Well, Mr.
Slocum, I think that our job is to take your thoughts give them sales appeal, in our own way and extend that through all the advertising media.
Exactly.
I think he has a positive way of putting things.
I like that.
Yes, of course.
But what in a positive way were you referring to that he was putting? Join the party, Tate.
He said, take my thoughts, give them sales appeal and extend them through all the advertising media.
Oh, yes! I'm hip.
How about a little brainstorming? Well, Mr.
Slocum, this is a little short notice.
Come on now.
What do you think of when I say soup? Wait a minute.
I may have something.
I like it, but it might be too obvious.
No, I have a feeling I'll like it too.
Go ahead.
I'm thinking of showing the big family that makes your soup.
The bean dumpers, chili shovelers, the salters, the pepperers the stirrers, the strainers, the canners, the labelers.
A group picture, you follow? Yes, yes, I do.
Underneath, the caption might read: "We're nuts about our soup.
" We're nuts about our soup.
It tastes good to me.
Well, maybe I got lucky.
Stephens, I want you to know that I'm nuts about your suggestion.
Best idea that's come out of McMann & Tate in years.
Thank you, sir.
Now I know why you were voted whatever it was.
"We're nuts about our soup"? You know, on second thought Yes, sir? On second thought, I like it even better.
I want you to take personal charge of this campaign, Stephens.
All right, sir.
How about that? I don't think that was such a great idea.
It's not that bad.
Wait a minute.
Say it again.
We're nuts about our soup.
It's got a ring to it.
- Yes? - It's Mr.
McMann calling.
My weekly get-on-the-ball call.
Will you excuse me? I'd better take it alone.
Put him on.
He wants to speak to Mr.
Stephens.
Yes, sir? Of course.
Tomorrow morning? My pleasure, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Well, back to the old drawing board.
- Darrin? - Yeah, Larry.
What was that all about? Mr.
McMann wants to see me on his yacht tomorrow morning.
But he's my partner.
What does he want to see you for? I guess he wants to congratulate me on being one of the Advertising Men of the Year.
Well, he can do that tomorrow night at the cocktail party.
I don't know of any other reason why.
I do.
He'll do anything to bug me.
You know, it's funny.
You make one little breakthrough and suddenly they all recognize you for what you really are.
What's that? Well, you know what you were saying about me this morning.
They recognize you for a sweet and loving husband? No.
You know how you always tell me l'm smart and talented and creative And modest.
Honey, I can't help it.
Did I tell you about O.
J.
Slocum? Twice, but who's counting? Larry thought I'd be eaten up alive, but no.
Right off the top of my head, I had it.
We're nuts about our soup.
- "We're nuts about our soup"? - Slocum was stunned.
So am I.
Well, honey, I don't say it's the greatest phrase in the world.
But it's got something.
It's got It's got Mediocrity? Well, sweetheart, it really isn't that - Everybody loved it.
- Now, don't get grumpy.
What do I know about the advertising business.
Yeah.
Anyway in the afternoon, I practically sewed up a new candy account.
It was one of those great days when everybody was going along with me and I have a feeling it's going to keep on going that way.
Bravo.
Tomorrow I see Mr.
McMann on his yacht and from then on, it's going to be up, up.
Good, good.
Who knows where it'll end.
Maybe someday I'll become president.
- Of McMann & Tate? - No.
President.
Thank you.
Well, Stephens, glad to have you aboard.
Glad to be aboard, sir.
Would you like a cup of my special coffee? Thank you, sir.
- Pour, Gregory.
- Yes, sir.
Let me congratulate you on being one of the Advertising Men of the Year.
And I might add that you reek of the magnetic personality that goes into the making of great men.
That's especially complimentary coming from you, Mr.
McMann.
Did you know that I was the first Advertising Man of the Year 25 years ago? - No, that's quite an honour, sir.
Not really.
I started the thing and elected myself.
That's very good.
What's in this? How do you like it? - It's delightful.
- Four parts rum and one part coffee.
Coffee does wonderful things to rum.
- Sit down.
- Thank you, sir.
It's a funny thing.
You know, I I asked you over here to give you an ordinary congratulations.
Meeting you again, I see that it's a great deal more than that.
You are the crown prince of McMann & Tate.
That's very flattering, Mr.
McMann, but Now, now, none of that modesty.
It doesn't fit in at all with the high-voltage personality that's coming across to me.
I always wondered who was behind McMann & Tate.
- Now I know.
- Aren't you forgetting Larry Tate? I've tried, but I've never been able to.
Larry's got a lot of good qualities.
He's hard working he's not impressed by facts, he's slippery he lies beautifully, and he's got a nice head of hair.
But he's had it.
Frankly, deep down, he's shallow.
With all due respect, sir, I disagree.
I know Larry pretty well and Now, I know that you're loyal, Darrin but it's time Larry turned over his surfboard to you and let a younger man ride the wave of the future.
Remember, Larry gets a cut on every account you bring in.
- That's true.
- Actually, you'll be doing him a favour.
It's a nice way of looking at it.
Well, there's always a nice way of looking at things.
Well, I'm going to start on Project Stephens.
And don't you worry about Larry.
He'll be in line for a big bonus.
I'm just happy to find a man that has what I like to call rememberability.
That's the human version of product identification.
Thank you very much, sir.
I do have a lot of ideas I'd like to carry out.
I wanna see McMann & Tate ready for the future.
That's the way I like to hear you talking.
I like the way you said that.
Well, I'll be seeing you at the party tonight for our Advertising Man of the Year.
Sir.
Well, there goes an impressive young man, Gregory.
- I thought so too, sir.
- Yeah.
But for the life of me, I don't know why I'm impressed.
I hope that's a good sign.
Hello? Hi, sweetheart.
How did the meeting go with Mr.
McMann? I bowled him over.
I dazed him.
Sam, he said I'm going to be the crown prince of McMann & Tate.
Terrific.
That makes me a princess.
I'll wear a tiara tonight.
I'm not kidding, Sam.
I'm on my way to the top.
McMann realized I've got it.
And you thought I was overreacting, didn't you? Well, I was beginning to suspect something.
What about Larry? He's going to come off just fine.
Look, I'll be home early to change for the party.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Mother.
Mother! Mother, I know you're up to something.
You're a wicked witch.
Yes, Mrs.
Stephens, you're gonna be very proud of friend hubby.
Impact, that's what he's got.
Impact.
Is that what it is? I thought it was sex appeal.
Well, that I'm not willing to judge.
You don't drink, Mr.
McMann? Well, only coffee.
Hello, McMann.
Mrs.
Stephens, this is Charles Gilbert the head of the Hercules Tractor Company.
- How do you do.
- How do you do.
And Darrin Stephens, our young executive who's been voted one of this year's you-know-whats.
How do you do, sir.
Why, I'm happy to know you, Mr.
Stephens.
I wish you'd sit in on our next conference.
Well, things are kind of piling up on me and He's just full of ideas.
I really don't have the time.
You see, Mr.
Stephens, we sell our tractors to the man who has made America great.
The common man.
And right now, you're coming across to me as the man who could speak his language.
Hercules Tractor, huh? Lmpact, that's what he's got.
I see a picture.
A picture of a tractor pulling a stump.
The caption reads It reads: "Let Herc give it a jerk.
" - It's great.
- I love it.
"Let Herc give it a jerk"? It's amazing.
Right off the top of his head.
It's a very fertile area.
They loved it.
Yes, but, sweetheart, it really isn't that good.
If McMann, Gilbert and I think it's good, it's good.
Right.
Darrin.
Samantha.
This is Mr.
Angel, who makes that wonderful brew, Angel Coffee.
- Samantha and Darrin Stephens.
- How do you do.
How do you do, sir.
You're that fellow, aren't you? Okay, Stephens, do it.
- Do what? - Lf you're that good give me an idea for our new campaign.
More coffee, and don't put so much coffee in it this time.
Doesn't he get a chance to think about it a little first? I'm thinking about it now.
How about, "The good, good morning flavour that makes getting out of bed worthwhile.
" - Marvellous! That's it.
- Oh, yeah! Fantastic.
You have a higher duty than McMann & Tate.
Our government needs men like you.
Have you ever thought of running for congressman or senator? No, but he's thought of running for president.
That's what I wanted to hear.
I'd like you to lead a middle-of-the-road party.
I'll back you.
Think about it, Mr.
Stephens.
Think about it.
- Sam, did you hear that? - With both ears.
Of course it's ridiculous.
I'm not ready for that yet.
What do you think? I think we should go while we can still get your head through the door.
I should think that you would be happy that other people are beginning to appreciate my special talent.
But no! Mother! Why don't you sit down and plan who's going to be in your cabinet.
I have a few questions I wanna ask Mother.
Darling, I'm sorry, but I must leave immediately.
My club is having a costume party, and I'm going as Twiggy.
Not yet.
I figured it out.
You didn't put a spell on Darrin, you put one around him, didn't you? A spell? Does that mean I'm not really one of the Advertising Men of the Year? No, no, of course not.
Mother cast a spell that affects all mortals around you.
They are overwhelmed by anything you say.
Then I don't have impact and rememberability and all that? And you said it wouldn't go to his head.
Mother was right, wasn't she? No.
Now, you remove that spell this instant.
- But dum-dum loves it.
- I do not! Well Edgeful, eyeful, trifle, tree This removes the spell round thee Thank you.
I thought I had some good ideas tonight.
Sweetheart, how often have you had really good ideas right off the top of your head? Not very often.
They were always the result of a lot of hard work.
- Nothing worthwhile comes that easily.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
It'll probably take all night, but why don't you go into the study and come up with some good ideas to sell those clients tomorrow.
Good night, Mr.
President.
No.
No, I'm sorry, gentlemen.
There's something I like about: "That good, good morning flavour that makes getting out of bed worthwhile.
" I don't know why I like it, but it impresses me.
Maybe I just impressed you.
No, I'm not particularly impressed by you.
I'm not either.
Excuse me, I'll be back in a moment.
Hello? Hi, sweetheart.
How are the new ideas going? They still like the bad ones.
I can't sell them the good stuff.
Honey, can? Can you put that you-know-what back on you-know-who just temporarily? Well Well, okay.
Is that it? That's it.
Goodbye, honey.
Believe me, Mr.
Angel, I can't explain why Darrin's gone sour on these ideas.
But, well, sometimes it happens to creative people.
Darrin, Mr.
Angel and I agree that you've completely lost your judgment.
Mr.
Angel l'm going to tell you this new idea just once more and I want you to listen as if you were hearing it for the first time.
Nothing can make me listen to that again.
Oh, no? Except a man like you.
Go ahead.
I see a cloud.
On the cloud are a couple of angels drinking Angel Coffee.
- Yes, yes.
I like it.
- From their expressions you can see the coffee is sublime.
I like it very much.
Underneath it says, " By special permission, this heavenly brew is now available to deserving people on Earth.
" The greatest.
I don't know why I didn't see that before.
Well, I've heard all I have to hear.
Carry on, gentlemen.
Well, goodbye, Mr.
Angel.
We'll keep in touch.
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Goodbye, sir.
- That was great, Darrin.
- Thanks, Lar.
Send the next customer in.
We're rolling, Larry.
- Are you through with the spell now? - Throw it away.
We talked six different clients out of bad ideas and into good ideas.
And I talked Mr.
Ramser into finding another presidential candidate.
Good.
I only wanna be your first lady.
Even without a spell, I do have a little witchcraft of my own and a talent for persuading people.
After all, I persuaded you to marry me, didn't I? That you did.
That alone is enough to make me Advertising Man of the Year.
I my opinion, you are Man of the Century.
But don't let it go to your head.
That went to my head.