Gintama (2005) s04e50 Episode Script

The first thing to do when you wake up in the morning is to look for toy store ads that come with the newspaper during the holiday season.
Then you study it while standing next to your old man when he reads the paper in the morning.
You must not make any direct references such as saying "I want this.
" Show that you're thoughtful enough to refrain from asking for presents because of money concerns.
A sigh can prove effective.
You old man may pretend he doesn't notice, but I guarantee he does.
Be patient and continue this routine every morning.
And then one morning, you wake up to find that your old man has pulled out the toy store ad for you.
This means that victory is within your grasp.
"Price dropped on the TS.
" Casual little pushes like that.
Be wary of your pronunciation.
Your old man is unfamiliar with foreign words.
Enunciate each and every word.
Then you just wait for Christmas morning ["I put together your favorite ads.
Merry Christmas.
- Gin".]
Merry Christmas.
[Merry Christmas!! Never mind that it's March, Merry Christmas!!.]
Hey, where's the usual "This show is brought to you by" segment? [Kagura had no luck with Santa last year.
How will her Christmas turn out this year?.]
Don't tell me the sponsors are no longer [You know, we ended up with some extra runtime.
Sorry, Gin-san, but can you handle the rest?.]
Huh? Hold on a second!! What sort of stunt are we trying to pull off here?! Screw you, bastards!! The hell am I supposed to do with my voice only?! [We're not screwing around.
(lol).]
[We're not screwing around.
(lol).]
[You can do it, Gin-san!! (lol).]
And why is there so much runtime left here anyway?! Dear Dad.
How is your hair doing? I wonder what part of the universe you're shedding hair right about now? I'm on Earth with a full head of hair as always.
There's an Earth holiday called Christmas coming up, and everybody is excited.
Because there's a legend that Santa Kurosu, a red old geezer, comes to give presents to the children.
This time of year, everybody gets excited about what they should ask Santa for.
But that old Santa fella has never visited me.
I asked for a present last year, but Santa never showed up.
See the beginning of this episode for further details.
Dad, does old man Santa hate me? Or does Santa not even exist? It seems that your daughter's having a hard time on a distant planet.
Kids end up leaving you after twenty years or so, no matter how much you care for them.
But the memories from those twenty years will help support those kids for the rest of their life.
In other words, childhood memories can never be replaced.
If there's something you need to do, go ahead and do it, Umi Bouzu-san.
She won't keep sending you letters forever.
Old timer, send this to the branch on Earth.
You aren't going to see your daughter? War's broken out between planet Kameda and planet Naito again.
Planet Kanehira's asked for assistance.
I see.
Guess you don't have a choice.
Since you're even busier than this Santa fella.
Don't die out there.
What the? Dear Kagura-chan.
I read your letter.
I'm glad that you still have a full head of hair.
Your father also has a full head of hair, as always.
I would love to go see you as it's been so long, but I'm busy with work, so I can't go to Earth.
I'm sorry.
I pray from far away in space that you have a merry Christmas with your Earth friends.
There's no need to be sad.
I won't be able to go see you, but if you're a good girl, I'm sure that he'll come visit you.
Thank you very much.
With a large bag full of presents Clad in red clothing Santa will come [Santa Claus Red is Blood Red.]
Merry Christmas! And here's to another year gone by! Boy, there's a real sense of refinement about sitting around a kotatsu with a hot pot on Christmas.
Right, Sis? Sorry if this doesn't feel very Christmasy.
I heard that this would also be an end-of-the-year party.
No, I'm fine with this.
It's too much effort to hold a Christmas party and end-of-year party separately, right? It's not because we have no money! It'd just be a drag! A blend of eastern and western cultures.
The informal atmosphere is very Japanese.
You got that right! And you don't need to worry.
I brought something Christmasy with me.
Here, a special order cake.
Wow! That's amazing, Hasegawa-san! Though it's kind of small But it looks very delicious! Quality over quantity.
The lovable look is very Japanese.
You got that right! You'll just feel sick if you eat too much.
This is the perfect size.
Then let's cut it up.
Here, Kagura-chan.
You get the part with chocolate.
Lucky you, Kagura-chan! Boy, that's no fair! No fair that Kagura-chan gets everything! Stop fighting now.
Here, I'll start serving food so pass me your plates.
Oh, yes! What would you like, Shin-chan? Oh, what's in the hot pot? [Note: Spoof on a brand of Japanese starch noodles.
.]
There's Malomy-girl, Malomy-boy, and Mr.
Malomy.
Doesn't that mean there's only Malomy? Then I'll go with Malomy-boy! After all, I'm a boy! Come on, you need to interact with girls for a change.
When are you ever going find yourself a girlfriend? You got me there! Man, wow Christmas is so much fun! It's too bad Gin-san couldn't join us.
Seriously, what's he doing? He's probably walking around drinking.
Just ignore that scoundrel.
You're right! Let's have fun talking about Gin-san behind his back! It appears that I'm in time for that Christmas event.
But what a meager party Is this truly Christmas? Kagura-chan is completely bummed out.
Hold on, Kagura-chan.
Daddy's coming.
Daddy will transform this destitute night into a lovely Christmas Eve.
Kagura will be so surprised when she sees me here in Edo.
Oh wait, that can't do.
I must play through this Santa character for tonight.
She's been discouraged by the reality that Santa does not exist.
A parent has the duty to help a child dream.
It's sad that I cannot visit her as a parent, but if it means I can help make this a fond memory Huh? Is someone in the yard? Oh? What? Oh no, is it a thief? They've noticed! Here I go! Merry Christmas! Have you all been good little boys and girls? Santa Claus is here to make you happy! Kagura-chan's completely surprised.
Yep, Santa Claus really exists.
Your personal Santa is right here Huh? She's a little too surprised.
Shouldn't she act a bit more happy? Huh? What? Did daddy do something wrong? Is there hair sticking out my nose? Huh? It's It's Santa! There are two Santas! Who are you people?! What's going on? Why is there another Santa here? Who is this guy? Why is there another Santa besides Gin-Santa? I've been waiting here the entire evening in this freezing weather to surprise them Why? Why did this happen?! The worst possible timing What do I do? She's scared now, not happy.
There could never be two Santas! One must be fake! A thief who disguised himself as Santa to rob the houses of innocent people! I'm turning you over to the cops! Nononono, you've got it totally wrong! It's daddy! Santa-Daddy whose come to help you dream! Hey! They're treating me like a fake because of this guy! Wait, hold on sec On second thought [FAKE.]
I am a fake.
This is bad Maybe I should reveal myself before they turn me over to the cops No, but my goal is to help Kagura dream Hey, why are you standing there? Say something! It'd be embarrassing to tell them the truth after all the trouble I've gone through.
Because I haven't accomplished anything! Haven't accomplished a single thing! Uh, excuse me.
Who might you be? Huh? I'll force him to back down.
I should be able to maintain the act once I'm alone.
Well, it's not that I think you're a thief or anything.
Uh, do you belong to some kind of volunteer organization? Er, what? Who are you? Do you belong to some neighborhood children's association? Not at all.
I happen to be, well Santa, as you can see.
No, you can stop acting now.
That beard is obviously fake.
Well, I don't particularly care about you copying me.
But I would prefer you don't half-ass the job.
You'll get yourself hurt if you underestimate Santa.
Please That's a harsh joke.
You're the one who's copying me.
Why isn't this guy backing down? Well, some people don't realize they're copying others.
Just like how everyone casually uses the manga system developed by Osamu Tezuka.
This old guy is digging in.
What's with this guy? Why does he refuse to back down? He's just a fake.
Say.
Do you listen to rock? They say that every current rock and roll band was born from the Beatles.
Meaning, you more or less spawned from me.
What? You're Santa and you listen to the Beatles?! Huh? What? I can't? What do you listen to then? Santa's supposed to listen to Enya, man.
That new age stuff.
Could you cut this out, old timer?! I know you're a fake! So scram! Oh, yes.
Enya, you say.
I've heard that Enya la-la-la That's Ikariya, not Enya.
[Note: The late Chosuke Ikariya, Japanese musician and comedian.
.]
Odd, this man has no shame Well, there's also the obvious Tatsuro.
[Note: Singer-songwriter Tatsuro Yamashita.
.]
He's ancient.
Now, it's about his wife, Mariya.
[Note: Mariya Takeuchi.
Song was used for Holiday commercials.
.]
Who sings the fried chicken thing.
Tatsuro and Kazumasa are classics in every era.
[Note: Kazumasa Oda, another veteran singer-songwriter.
.]
This old man hasn't flinched at all! That confidence Could he be Don't tell me this guy is The real Santa Claus?! On closer look, this guy may have a unkempt appearance, but he carries himself with a certain grace.
Like a master of the sword.
He's an old man with a beard of white, yet he's brimming with vitality.
He has the skin of a man in his twenties.
Is he even human? I once met a man who called himself Santa.
He was just an old man with no ambition.
But this guy's completely different.
He doesn't have a white beard, the symbol of Santa, but that short mustache, that short mustache he doesn't even try to hide, actually looks more realistic.
Maybe Santa's supposed to just have a short mustache? Like the letdown when you see Lord Frieza's final form.
Like how the real deal's are actually quite simple-looking.
No, but that can't For real? This is the worst possible place to run into the real Santa.
What are they doing? They've been staring at each other in silence and haven't budged an inch.
What am I supposed to do? Should I apologize? Is he like, mad? It's too late to apologize now.
It'd be absolutely disgraceful.
This is like a comedian doing a parody of the song "Ofukuro-san" [Note: Performed by the singer Shinichi Mori.
.]
when the singer himself shows up behind you.
I won't have it! I can't disgrace myself while they're watching! Then what am I supposed to do? What is the fake "Ofukuro-san" supposed to do, Kings of Comedy?! As he walks up behind me and goes, "Nice try, kid," how am I supposed to not embarrass myself, Kings of Comedy?! Tell me, Kings of Comedy! Take out Ofukuro-san and become the real deal! Wait! What are you guys doing?! Aren't you two supposed to be Santa?! The hell are you doing in front of the children?! Santa You really are good I find it hard to believe that you're a slacking senior who only works on Christmas! This old man was able to land a blow on me Is this the power of the real Santa? But it no longer matters who the real one is! Santa! Is! Me! Stop! Enough of this.
It would be rude for one who claims to be Santa to shed blood on this holy night.
If you insist on sullying Santa's name, leave at once.
This turf belongs to me, Kyuta Claus! We got another Santa here! But this Santa isn't even concealing her identity.
It's Kyu-chan.
That's Kyu-chan, right? I am not Kyu-chan.
I am Kyuta Claus.
Beautiful princess, please accept my present.
A year's supply of your favorite Baagen-Dash What?! Can't let you have fun without me, Kyuta Claus! This is not your turf! I, Monkey Claus, have marked this jungle! I won't allow you to lay a finger on the female ape who lives here! Who are you calling a female ape?! Otae-san! I am willing to meet you every night, whether midsummer night or holy night! If you so desire, I will be the Santa who brings you happiness This won't be a simple holy night! Yes! We will be joined together on this hole-in night! Um, excuse me.
Is Gin-san here? I can't seem to find him anywhere.
I want to give him a present.
Where might he have gone? There's nothing Santa about it anymore!! One Santa after another! I can no longer tell who's real or fake! Actually, over half of them are just stalkers.
Just a bunch of perverts.
They all insist that they're Santa.
I'm not wearing anything inside, so it's pretty cold Of course.
I am the real Santa.
I have no intention of relinquishing this title.
I am the Santa who will make Otae-chan happy.
I mean, Kyuta.
It's me! I'm the Santa who wants Otae-san to make me happy.
That would make Sis the Santa.
This world only needs one Santa I got it! Then I'll represent the children of this world and decide who the real Santa is! A contest to determine who is Santa Claus! I don't think anyone of them are fit to be Santa.
The very first very merry contest to determine who the real Santa Claus is! Why are you taking the lead here, Kagura-chan? Listen up, Santas! I'm going to give you the Santa test! If you are able to pass this test that would be simple for Santa, I will name you as the real Santa for proving yourself! Kagura-chan, what is this Santa test? That should be obvious.
Santa's purpose is to give presents to little kids.
To read the wishes of all the children and grant those wishes by delivering presents.
Yes, Santa's job is to help children dream.
When they're lined up here to be judged by one of those kids, there's isn't anything to dream about, is there? I'm going to pretend to be a girl who's going through various different Christmas situations.
You just have to grant that girl's wishes.
You'll be judged on your performance.
Wait, hold on! I didn't come here to give presents to the china dress girl.
Yes, my apologies to Miss Kagura, but I only want to be Otae-chan's Santa.
That's right.
Don't try to butt-in, little girl.
Now bring out Gin-san.
My present is fresh.
I must deliver it before it rots.
It's already rotten, you Natto Santa! How can you call yourself Santa when you refuse to help a child dream? Listen up.
Don't forget that if the whole Santa helps children to dream story doesn't fly, you're a bunch of trespassing old pedophiles.
That's crazy talk! Forget about presents! The Feds are going to come calling! If you can't prove you're the real Santa, You'll be led away by the reindeer (a.
k.
a.
the police) in a sled (a.
k.
a.
a patrol car).
That's a low blow Aren't you the police? If you don't believe you're up the task, feel free to leave.
I see no problem with this test.
Because I am the real Santa! The others don't matter.
This guy here is the problem.
I can no longer turn back.
I'll defeat the real Santa And I'm I'm gonna be king of the Santas! [To Be Continued.]
[Preview.]
Wait! Gonna be king of the Santas? It's March! We're still doing these Christmas episodes? Don't be so anal.
Keep talking like that and Santa won't visit your home this year.
Really? And so, the next episode "Everybody's a Santa!" [Next week is filled with everything from American, Classic Tales, to School Drama.
.]
[Who will fulfill the dream of a girl played by Kagura, and become the real Santa?!.]
[See you next time.
.]