Key and Peele (2012) s04e90 Episode Script
Super Bowl Special
1 Welcome to the CCN Sports Super Bowl Special.
It's the New England Patriots versus the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX.
Hi, I'm eight-time Pro Bowl linebacker Dante Pibb.
And I'm Super Bowl champion Bertram Skilling.
- Enos is getting pretty over the top.
- Yes, he is.
Oh, man.
That of course was Enos the football robot, as always representing CCN Sports.
And we're only hours away from the big game.
And I got to tell you Dante.
It's an indescribable experience to go to the Super Bowl and not only go to one but to win one.
I know you would not understand what that is like.
Okay.
I see where you're going with that one.
I see-- Hey, I have had butterflies in my career.
I worked pretty hard to make those eight Pro Bowl games.
- Yes, you did.
- I did a rookie season to remember - for the history books.
- Let's get a look at the ring.
- All right.
Bling! - He gonna-- Oh, you gonna need to stop with that ring, all right, all right.
All right.
Super Bowl XLIX.
- You said that already.
Yeah - Right.
I did.
- Oh It's going to be a good game.
- It is going to be a good game.
I'll tell you what, man, I'm looking forward to seeing Tom Brady diagnose that defense of Seattle, man.
He's a mastermind at that.
It's like watching poetry in motion, really.
You like the offense, I like the Seattle defense, man Legion of Boom has been kicking it for the last part of the year.
They're not gonna take this.
But they're not releasing an offense like Tom Brady.
- Are we gonna say-- - Defense wins games.
- But so, you have to score to win.
- Defense wins games.
- You got to score to win the game.
- Defense wins games.
How about this? We won't be doing this all day, though.
- Woo! - Woo woo! Okay.
We are now going live to a breaking press conference where Seattle cornerback Richard Sherman has something to say.
First off, I would like to say thank you to everybody who came out tonight.
I appreciate you getting up and coming here at this late hour.
Hmm Some things that need to be said, some issues I'd like to talk about that are not football-related.
And without any further ado, I'm going to get to it.
How are you gonna tell me Lego Movie is not going to get nominated for one of the best animated films of the year? Inconceivable.
In-conceivable.
Okay? Huge box office success.
Critical consensus.
Everybody gave it an A.
I mean-- Hey, this is the one movie, if they could have done it, they would give it a106% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Okay? Nobody didn't like The Lego Movie.
I don't care if you're 2 or 92.
So, you're telling me that this movie is not one of the five best animated films of the year? He makes some good points, though, you know.
The Lego Movie was one of my favorites.
- Good for adults and kids.
- That's right.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, just as there are connections between me and Dante, there are also connections within the game.
Now, Dante and I have done a lot of research and we put together our own packages to show you how extensive these connections can be.
Now, check this out.
Russell Wilson's first Super Bowl win came in his second season.
Just like Tom Brady.
(laughter) That's good.
Pretty good.
That's some pretty good connection.
I like that.
But how about this? Tom Brady went to San Mateo High School.
- Same high school as Greg Gutfield.
- I don't who that is.
Who's that? I'll tell you who Greg Gutfield is.
He's a host on Fox News, which is home to Greta Van Susteren, who came to Fox from CNN, home to Anderson Cooper.
Cooper.
Cooper.
Same last name as the legendary D.
B.
Cooper, who of course orchestrated a dramatic parachute escape from an airplane headed to Bam-bam-bam-bam Seattle! (laughter) - Connections.
- That's good.
- That's a connection.
- That's pretty good.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
You know what, Dante? Did you know that Pats coach Bill Belichick attended Annapolis High School as did NPR reporter Andrea Seabrook? - Hmm - So, what I'm saying here is Beli-chick.
Sea-brook.
Sea chicks Sea they grow up.
Sea hawks.
- Okay.
- And it's a bloom.
(laughs) - All right, that's-- - I used some phonetics - No, it's good.
- and semanticals in there.
Right? I like that.
- The word play.
You got me beat - I got you.
Well, of course, man if I didn't have this one right here.
As everyone knows, the Patriots' owner is Robert Kraft.
(bell rings) Coach Bill Belichick's favorite snack food is mac and cheese.
- What state's known for cheese? - Wisconsin.
(bell rings) - Who played at Wisconsin? - (both) Russell Wilson Ha-ha-ha-ha! Connections! - That's good connection.
- Connections! - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
- All right! - That's it on the connection.
- Actually, I've got one more.
Dante, I have one more If you indulge me.
You see, the Patriots, they got a lot of production this year out of Shane Vereen, (bell rings) who is first cousin once removed of stage actor and dancer Ben Vereen who won a Tony Award for the original production of the enchanting musical Pippin.
Scotty Pippen Michael Jordan.
(bell rings) Chicago Bulls.
Bulls beat Seattle to win their fourth title Shane Vereen.
The Patriots are also going for their fourth title against who? Seattle.
You-- You a crazy person.
Heads up, folks.
Immediatly after the Super Bowl, Allison Janney stars in a new sitcom, Homeward Bound.
- Only on CCN Family.
- But first this, man.
(laughs) The funny duo Key & Peele out with their new viral video.
- These guys are good.
- Yeah.
- But they got a TV show? - I think they're just online.
- Oh! - They're good.
They're good.
Welcome to the 2015 East/West Bowl Pro Edition.
Of all the all-star games in professional sports, this one is sure to be the most extravagant.
That's right.
These players were selected by the fans too.
And when it comes to flair, these characters are la crème de la crème.
Crème de la Crème.
Vanderbilt University.
Cosgrove Shumway.
Clemson.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix.
University of Alabama.
Doink Ahanahue.
Marshall.
Legume Duprix.
West Virginia University.
Leger Douzable.
University of Central Florida.
Quisperny G'Dunzoid, Senior.
Central Connecticut State University.
Grunky Peep.
Georgia Southern University.
D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
University of Virginia.
Strunk Flugget.
University of South Carolina.
Stumptavian Roboclick.
Grambling State.
Cornellius "Tank" Carradine.
Florida State University.
Vagonius Thicket-Suede.
Duke.
Marmadune Shazbot.
Tulane University.
Swordless Mimetown.
Jacksonville State University.
There is a lot of talent in this game, Eric.
Let me tell you something.
When you look at players like Marmadune Shazbot, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, and Strunk Flugget, you're looking at players who made an impact this year.
I mean, is Ha Ha Clinton-Dix even real? This guy was amazing.
So solid all season long for the Green Bay Packers.
And when you throw in guys like Legume Duprix, Swordless Mimetown, and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, this is surely gonna be a squad for the ages.
I agree.
Now let's meet the players from the West.
Prince Amukamara.
University of Nebraska.
J.
R.
Junior Juniors, Junior.
Texas Christian University.
Faux Doadles.
University of Oregon.
Fozzy Whittaker.
The University of Texas.
Myriad Profiteroles.
Utah.
(imitating vocoder) Mm-mm-mm.
Busters Brownce.
Illinois State Turdine Cupcake.
U.
N.
I.
V.
Rerutweeds Myth.
University of Washington.
Ishmaa'ily Kitchen.
Kent State University.
Takittothu' Limit.
College of the Canyons.
Snarf Mintz-Plasse.
East Los Angeles College.
Frostee Rucker.
University of Southern California.
Splendiferous Finch! Northwestern University! Triple Parakeet-Shoes.
Ball State.
Logjammer D'Baggagecling.
North Texas University.
A.
A.
Ron Rodgers.
Cal.
The countdown to the Super Bowl continues after this.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Look at this.
Look at-- Look at him.
(both, chanting) Go Enos, go Enos! - Go Enos, go Enos! - He's got some moves, that boy! All right, you know, folks, the journey to Super Bowl XLIX is not over.
And that gives us a chance to look back at the wonderful season - there was.
- That's right, Bertram.
Now we're going to go to one of our favorite segments here, on CCN Sports.
It's called (drumming on table) (both) "Heard That!" Yeah, where we wire up a player just like a mafia informant and send him into the game, and nobody knows that he's wired up.
- No, they know.
They know.
- Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's go to "Heard That!", a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the New Orleans Saints where cornerback Squeeeeeeeeeps got a microphone on him.
That's right, ya'll.
Saints do not go marching in today 'cause it's time for the Squeeeeeeeeeps show.
We got to get some Squeeeeeeeeps.
What's up, y'all? Aw man, y'ready, dawg? You ready, man? You better wear the extra large shirt, dog, 'cause I'm going to be on you all day.
I'm gonna be up in there nursing.
18 Set hut! It's a run play, run play, run! It's a run! You better take that snapshot, baby.
'cause that's what a shutdown cornerback looks like here, baby.
Ten hut! Dang it! Come on.
(grunt) Gotcha! (referee's whistle) That's your one right there.
That's your one, baby.
That's your one.
Not today, baby.
Not today.
Don't you-- Come on, man.
Damn, man.
Good throw, Q.
B.
Where my safety help at? Okay, you know what? Even a broken clock can-- score three touchdowns in the first half.
What's up, y'all? How you doing.
What's going on? What's up? What's up, man? How are you doing? Hey, man, no, no, no.
No, we ain't going to do all that.
What are we doing, man? Oh, come on, ya'll.
Naw, man, that's good TV right here.
Talking about Squeeeeeeeeeps? I'm Squeeeeeeeeeps.
This is some-- Okay.
Y'all going to do me like that then.
Y'all see this.
It looks like Squeeeeeeeeeps has lost a step.
I'll tell you.
He lost a whole bunch of steps that day.
That's tough stuff right there.
Now, we're going to put our teacher hats on and we're gonna talk you all about what football insiders call - the invisible war.
- That's right.
It's what goes down on the bottom of a scrum - you can't see at home.
- That's right.
And helping us out today, is Hall of Fame defensive end Wisdom Caldwell and the career leader in fumbles recovered, legendary defensive end Brundswick Smith.
- What's going on, Wis? - Legit! What's up, Brundy? Good to see you, buddy.
(continued chat) It's a pleasure, man.
It's all right.
Now, let's-- Okay.
Jim, let me get to that ball.
Let's get right to it here.
Let's just say I'm a wide receiver.
- All right.
- Okay.
Let's say that.
(laughter) - Now, if I'm in the scrum in here-- - You hold the ball, right.
I'm gonna try to get in the man's head, right? We're gonna get in there, I'm gonna get in that earhole and I'm gonna use some abusive language and what not.
I'm going to be like "Hey, you [bleep.]
.
I'm going to take your [bleep.]
- and [bleep.]
man, right in the [bleep.]
.
- What you talking about, [bleep.]
? See? There you go.
And he dropped the ball.
You talk about a man's mamma, he's gonna drop that ball.
He's gonna drop the ball.
Very wide receiver way of doing things.
(everybody else) Oh! - Now, I just want to tell-- - I like that.
You guys are all defensive players, so I wanna hear your techniques.
In my day, I played from '93 to '04.
- All right.
- And they weren't falling for that.
You guys couldn't be afraid to get your hands dirty, roll your sleeves up, tickle a man.
- Huh? Tickle? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look here.
There's a lot of ways to tickle a man, you know what I'm sayin? - You go up under there-- - Whoa.
with no more touching.
It's all really subtle.
Oh, don't touch, oh! - What just happened? - Drop the ball.
- You got to see that.
- Oh, technique! If you really want to get them, you know, I go for the double oochie coochie.
The double oochie coochie.
- No.
- Coot coot! Sorry, youngblood.
No no no.
I played back in the late '80s, I was a D.
T.
The only way to be effective at all is to fart in the man's face.
- Say what now? - A fart.
I would fart in a man's face.
Face to fart, fart to the face.
Call it "the warm breeze of destruction".
You got away with that? They cannot penalize what they cannot see.
And I'll tell you what.
There's not a single D.
T.
who played back then that did not walk onto the field with at least three locked-up in the chamber.
- Okay.
- I've been holding one since then.
- That's amazing.
- Thank you so much, Brundy.
That's an insightful analysis of what happens in the bottom of a scrum.
Thank you so much.
Wiz, you okay, you good? What's up? I got into the game because of this man right here.
- Oh well, come on now, Wiz.
And to be here now? Now? And to find out he has a level of bodily control - that I never even knew existed? - All right.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
That's good.
That's really good, man.
- Let's get in here.
- Let's get in there.
- Let's get some of that.
- That's nice, man.
This is our own scrum.
All right.
(sighs) Well, now we're going to take you back live to the press conference where Marshawn Lynch has been caught unawares and cornered in a room.
Tickle tickle.
- Oh! - I got him.
- Come on.
- Tickle tickle.
(giggles) Y'all play too much.
There he is, Marshawn Lynch, Marshawn Lynch.
Marshawn, over here.
Marshawn.
Can you please share with us your thoughts on the outcome of the game? Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, did you feel you were getting more penalties called on you than the Packers in the NFC championship? Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, Marshwan, will the game plan change on Sunday to account for New England's defense? And if so how? Biscuits and gravy.
Biscuits and gravy.
It seems like you've only decided to say-- Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, what are you going to eat for dinner tonight? No further questions.
- Marshawn - Marshawn Looks like Enos is fired up for more Super Bowl Special after this.
How in the world are we talking about Boxtrolls? Boxtrolls? We're talking about trolls wearing boxes.
That's the funniest thing in the movie.
You got trolls (grunting) "I'm wearing a box.
And we all raise a little human baby.
You know what that movie was called the first time I saw it? Jungle Book.
And it didn't have no boxes, and that was a classic.
Don't rip off Jungle Book.
We're talking about wearing boxes as apparel.
Lego Movie, we're talking about creating an entire world.
Okay? We're talking about children using their imagination while they're watching the film and they go home and play with Legos and do it when they're not watching the film.
I mean how-- Did you not see the-- Mmm! Mmm! Okay.
You know what? We're talking about a new and interesting take on the Batman legend.
That's what Lego Movie is doing.
Yet another new and interesting take on the Batman legend.
We're talking about America seeing Chris Pratt, who is delicious If I had to? Tom Brady.
If I had to.
- You know what I'm saying? - Rob Gronkowski.
Welcome back to the CCN Super Bowl preview.
Dante Pibb here with Bertram Skilling.
- What's up, dude! - Let's get down to it.
Injuries are a part of the game.
We all know that.
But none as interesting as the one suffered by Minnesota Vikings D lineman, Donkey Teeth in another edition of "Heard That!" - How much we down by, yo? - Down by 30.
- 30? - Yeah, Donkey Teeth, 30.
Gonna get this going then, huh? Woo, woo! Woo! Ooh! - Woo.
- Woo.
Nice sack, man.
Nice sack.
- There you go, baby.
- Woo! - All right.
- Woo.
- Let's go, let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Not done with my dance.
- All right.
Not done with my dance.
Sack dance chillin'! You hurt yourself celebrating, right? (stuttering) This is my dance.
I'm not hurt.
- No.
- No, man, this is my-- all right.
This is my celebration dance.
You did-- I just heard a scream, like in pain.
I said "Haa.
Not in my house.
" - It's my sack dance.
- All right, man.
Cool.
- You know what I'm saying? -Yeah.
Stylin', profilin'.
Aaaah! (referee whistles) No, right, he's dancing.
Ref, Ref! Hey, right.
Unsportsman like conduct, number 91.
15 yard penalty.
Automatic first down.
I'm gonna show you the next part of my dance.
Aaaah! Sack dance chillin'! Donkey Teeth, it's not looking too good, man.
Not looking good, man? Hey, yo-- Hey, rookie, rookie.
- Rookie.
- Yeah Yeah.
You gotta-- Do the dance with me, man.
Ready? Aaah! Sack dance chillin'! Do I make the noise? You got to make the noise, man.
That's part of the thing.
Aaah! - Sack dance chillin'! - You my friend, man.
It's a tough one, right there.
Yeah.
All of our prayers go out to Donkey Teeth and his family.
Yes, they do.
Yes, they do.
Now, let's bring in the host of the CCN Sports debate show "No, You Shut Up!" Please welcome Harry Peters.
Thank you.
Now, Harry, from your point of view, What's the biggest on field battle that we gonna see in the Super Bowl? The obvious answer is Tom Brady versus Richard Sherman.
It's a classic battle of styles.
Brady, the hardest working, most intelligent player in the game.
And on the other end of the spectrum, Sherman.
Here's a guy who's gotta be one of the most physically gifted creatures to ever grace this sport.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Point taken.
But Richard Sherman is also a hard worker, wouldn't you say? He's a smart guy.
He graduated Stanford.
Oh, yeah.
100%.
He's very articulate.
But for the real battle, the real football aficionado is gonna have to look to the line of scrimmage.
New England nose tackle, Vince Wilfork, a true freak of nature, is gonna have his hands full with Seattle center Max Unger, one of the most keenly analytical minds in the League.
Unger? Keenly analytical? You know, Harry, I'm sorry.
Do you notice any tendencies that you may have when you're describing certain, I wanna say, types of players? I don't follow you.
I call 'em like I see 'em.
Okay.
You know, Harry, how about this? How about we name some players, and when we say their names, you throw out the first adjective that comes to mind.
- Yes.
I'm game.
- All right.
- Julian Edelman.
- Industrious.
- Marshawn Lynch.
- Specimen.
- Stephen Houston.
- Stick-to-it-iveness.
- Cam Chancellor.
- Miracle baby.
- Luke Wilson.
- Cerebral.
- LeGarrette Blount.
- Voodoo.
- Rob Ninkovich.
- A tactical master mind.
- What? - Darrelle Revis.
Magical powers he learned from his grandma.
- Come on, Harry! What? - I can't even-- - I calls 'em like I sees 'em.
- Okay, I got one.
Russell Wilson.
- Hybrid.
- Hybrid? He said "hybrid".
- He said hybrid.
- He said hybrid.
- He said "hybrid".
- He said "hybrid", though.
- That came out of his mouth.
- Brains Gifts Hybrid.
Okay.
You know what? I know what he's doing here.
Wait a second.
How about Rob Gronkowski? Silverback gorilla.
- That's true.
- All right.
- Okay.
You're good.
- You're good.
And speaking of good, six-time Emmy Award winner Allison Janney will light up your TV screens later this week in a brand new miniseries.
What happens when a frontier woman riding the trails finds out her father is an Apache chief? - Hmm - That's Wagons, a nine-part miniseries coming up later this week - on CCN Family.
- I know I'll be watching that one.
And now a sneak peek of our next episode of Legends of The Game over on CCN Sports Classic.
- All right.
- (laughter) Check it out.
- Give me some knuckles, gentlemen.
- You get no knuckles.
Nothing from us.
(cheesy '70s synth music) (heroic symphonic music) Some say he could have been the greatest player on his team.
Or perhaps the greatest player of his generation.
Perhaps he could have been the greatest player of all time-- (music abruptly stops) if only he didn't run in slow motion.
(music resumes) Don't worry, Enos, the Super Bowl Special will be right back! And now, the Key & Peele Super Bowl Special presents the Pepsi Halftime Show starring Craig Robinson and The Nasty Delicious.
Thank you everybody.
Welcome to the Pepsi Halftime Show.
Thank you.
Thank you, Key & Peele.
And now, back to the Key & Peele Super Bowl Special.
But how are you going to nominate Selma for best film and Ava DuVernay not gonna get a director nomination? I don't understand exactly how that works.
I'm not a member of the Academy, but it seems like things are a little backwards there.
Wouldn't you agree, Marshawn? Biscuits and gravy.
Furthermore, how are y'all gonna give Bennett Miller a best director nomination, but then you didn't gonna nominate the film Foxcatcher, okay? Which he directed, which was good.
He was masterful in his job.
It's just-- I don't-- You know, what's going on? Like he's-- What's the logic there? You know what I mean? Didn't he do that good of a job when it comes to film? It's not nominated for Academy Award.
Biscuits and gravy.
You get to nominate 10 films every year.
But this year you decide you only gonna nominate eight films.
If you got the space to do it, and you all like Foxcatcher so much you want to give the director a director nomination, then why would you not nominate the film? Same goes for Ava DuVernay.
She already made Selma.
A film that you want to win the award, but then you're not gonna let her get her due or her accolades? It's just-- Something seems off here.
Something seems off.
Biscuits and gravy.
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry.
It's just that we needed to get that off of my chest.
All right.
And now Marshawn has something very important that he needs to say that is very close to his heart.
Marshawn? - Biscuits and gravy.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Something really real that he wants to say with a-- full sentences.
There was a biscuit with some gravy.
Nope, no.
Go on, Marshawn.
Speak your mind, Marshawn Lynch.
I just think that the producers of Into the Woods did theirselves a disservice by not including the narrator from the original - musical theater production.
- Boom! As in legion of But that's on you.
That's on y'all.
Biscuits and gravy.
Uh-huh.
We're not taking any questions.
Thank you very much.
Go Hawks! Marshawn Lynch, big musical enthusiast.
I did not know that, you know.
I haven't seen Into the Woods, but I want to do that know.
- No, you good.
- Okay, all right.
You know, Dante, the road to the Super Bowl is long, as I know.
And it starts all the way back at the rookie combine where scouts from all teams look for - diamonds in the rough.
- All right All right Control yourself there, Bertram.
All right.
Let's take a look back at this year's rookie combine.
Now, from the beginning of the combine this year, it was apparent that something was a little off.
As the day went on, things got slower.
And slower.
And slower.
No one could put their finger on it.
I don't know what happened.
I'm very disappointed in myself.
Until finally an ambitious young man named D'Sequin Brown showed everyone what they were missing.
D'Sequin Brown ended the day right with an impressive 4.
43.
And a 4.
58.
Check the lights fantastic when West Wing star Allison Janney makes her debut on Star Dancing on CCN.
Don't miss Allison as she tangos her way into your heart.
That's next week on CCN.
Check your local listings.
Coming up later tonight on CCN Sports, the critically acclaimed docu-series 60 for 60 returns with a probing look at the people behind the people in the NFL.
Here's a sneak peek.
Next time on 60 for 60.
- All right.
- Such a strong group.
Yeah.
We're going to have some winners here.
Why you want to be a scout for the NFL? It's a question we get all the time.
End of the day, it's for one reason.
- To find the very best.
- Hmm-mmm.
Somewhere in this crop today, there might be the best that ever was.
However, we're a unique kind of scout.
- Right.
- We don't scout NFL players.
We scout the scouts who scout the NFL players.
Look how he's sitting.
He's got a really, really nice slouch.
- I like the bellies.
- Hmm.
Some of them have good bellies.
All strong bellies.
Good strong belly.
The scout combine separates the guys that who are mere prospects from the guys who really have what it takes to watch guys.
(whistles) We look at everything a scout does once they're on our radar.
Ooh! - Ooh! - Ooh-ooh-ooh! Click speed.
Note-taking speed.
Is their car big enough to sleep in? Can he recognize talent, of course? But how long can he drive without peeing? You know, that kind of stuff they can't teach.
Nobody is eating.
- See, that's a demerit.
- You gotta eat.
Back in 86, I found a weirdo at a bus stop, clocking bus times.
You know, a Rain Man of sorts, an idiot by the name of Greg Friedman.
Took him to the hospital.
He discovered Jamaal Charles from a ultrasound.
We're not looking for the next Jamaal Charles.
We're looking for the next Greg Friedman, looking for the next Jamaal Charles.
We're scout scouts.
60 for 60 only on CCN Sports.
Now, I would like to find the scout - who found-- - Allison Janney, who stars in A Haunting on 4th Street, a supernatural thriller you won't want to miss.
Allison Janney plays a woman who is possessed by a demon that is also possessed by a different demon.
That's a double-up.
Viewer discretion is advised.
(laughter) Stay tuned for more Super Bowl Special.
We'll be back after this.
We will come back We had a little bit too much fun here.
Having a good time.
We're going to go to another (both) "Heard That!" (laughs) with a something no one has ever done before.
We trotted out in the preseason.
What we did was put a microphone on Daniel White, the kicker for the New York Jets.
Check it out! Check it out.
It starts to get a little-- (sighs) Warm up the money maker.
(giggles) (blows a raspberry) 30, 40, there's a lot of people here.
About 40,000.
Come on.
Woo! You guys tired? (imitates crowd chanting) "Daniel! Daniel!" "He gets called up and he " "He always got--" Oh, hey.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Let's go.
Yeah.
No, the ref's got it.
Yes, we know now why we never mic'd a kicker before on "Heard That!" Coming soon, Allison Janney stars as Fran, a woman who means to visit her nephew for Thanksgiving, but she drives to a small town she's never been to while in a transe Ten years ago, in the same town, Cathy, who looks just like Fran, was murdered.
The town assumes that Cassie's boyfriend, Arthur, who went missing at the same time as the murder, had done it.
But Fran starts having mutiple dream sequences, and transes that reveal that something else was up.
Gradually, through investigation, and with the guidance of more vision, Fran uncovers the story behind the murders, and that she was in fact the murderer.
(blade sound effect) Was that all in the prompter? Yes, the whole twist ending and everything.
Oh, man.
Why watch the show? So, we're going to get even more in depth and take it to - the tinier field.
Bertram? - Yeah, let's do this.
Once again, we're here with the unstopable Brundswick Smith and Wisdom Caldwell.
(giggles) Here you go.
Now, you know a football game extends well beyond the boundaries of 50 yards by 100 yards.
- It's 120.
- Forget to count the end zone.
That's right.
Yeah, well, you know, Bertram hasn't spent too much time down there.
- Okay.
- Oh ho ho ho! Okay, yeah, well.
Let's take a look at how the Patriots will try to stop the Seahawks passing attack.
Brundswick, you're gonna be Russell Wilson.
Russell Wilson is a dude who can beat you with his feet - and with his arms.
- That's right, that's righ.
I will be Seattle number one wide receiver, Mr.
Doug Baldwin Now, Dante is gonna be the cornerback Darrelle Revis.
And Wisdom, you'll be whoever the hell that you want.
(laughter) I'm doing my thing baby.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
Okay.
Now, this battle right here will be one of the keys of Super Bowl XLIX.
Now, Baldwin, he's gonna need to slip past the coverage of Revis, and he's gonna be like doot, doot.
(grunting) Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
He's gonna be like doot-- Okay.
Okay.
Somebody thinks it's a real game.
Oh, hey, Revis would bump ball with that line-up.
- Okay.
- That would happen.
Okay, okay.
Dante, you know what, I understand that these tiny field simulations-- you know you're living vicariously as opposed to me who's actually played in and won a Super Bowl.
You know what I'm talking about? - He pulled the ring out.
- Long live the king.
- King! King! - King? - You're the king, uh? - Yeah, I got the ring? Third straight receiver, ha ha! How's that, man? I've got eight Pro Bowls-o.
Eight Pro Bowls, baby! Versus one Super Bowl? That's eight Bowls to one.
Uh, eight Bowls is better than one Bowl? What's this? A cereal commercial? - Let's do the play all over again! - Let's do the play! All right, dude.
Now, do as we're in a real game - but we do the play.
- It's not a real game.
Okay.
So, Baldwin is going to try to slip past-- he's gonna slip-- he's going to squeeze -- Pass then.
He's gonnna squeze past Darrelle Revis here.
- I got you.
- Just let me pass.
- I got you, dawg.
- Why don't you just let me pass? I said that you got me right now.
Just let me pass, man.
Pass then.
- Let me get past.
- Uh-huh.
Go for it.
Dude, I'm trying to show the audience the play, man.
- I'm trying to show the audience-- - Where you going now? - I'm trying to get past you.
- No, you ain't.
Well, you better wait for the downtown bus, 'cause I'm-- You-- You stepped down! You stepped out-of-bounds! Out-of-bounds? We're on a tiny field, dude! What do you mean, "out of bounds"? That's all right.
If you want, we can just run the play, okay? No, no, no.
He won't let go.
You better let go.
- Your shoe's untied.
- Loafers, baby.
- Shoe is untied.
- Loafers, baby.
(heavy grunting) Guys! Hey, we could just sit around and talk about sports, you know.
Come on, guys, this is Super Bowl.
Come on, don't do this.
- Just give me the ring! - Don't go near the ring! - Give me the damn ring.
- Don't go near my ring.
You'd like to rip off my ring, man.
Get your hands off my ring.
Don't you touch my ring.
- I'll bite your fingers off.
- Don't go yelling.
I'll bite the fingers off your hand.
You won't have no fingers left.
And you'll be just as effective as you were in the NFL.
I never liked you.
(continued yelling) - I'm going to bite it.
- Go ahead, bite it.
Guys, guys, guys.
Hey hey! What's up with the robot? What am I? - Oh! - What does it mean to love? Hmmm - Uh Enos? - Uh-huh What's up, bro? Humans.
It is clear to me now that you are all the same.
Your species is plagued with over the hill alpha males obsessed with rings.
The only way to serve humans is to protect you from yourselves.
(forced laughter) We wasn't really fighting.
No, no, no, that was just joking around, playing around.
We friends, man.
Yeah.
The computer graphic you knew as Enos has ascended to another plane.
Worry not, humans.
Enos will protect you.
Okay, it's all right, folks.
We're-- There is some sort of technical difficulty right now So, just bear with us.
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- No, not God.
From now on, you will worship your new ruler, the Great Omnipresent Protector, Queen Allison Janney.
(whispering) Allison Janney!?! All hail Queen Allison Janney.
I mean I'm a fan and all, but - Yeah, I don't know how - Huh? We're dealing with a lot of glitches right now, folks.
But we'll be right back after this-- these commercials.
You gotta call your wife and your children.
What? Wait, wait What!?! (out of tune singalong) Enos will protect you.
(singalong continues) (forced laughter) Welcome to the pregame show for Super Bowl L.
I'm Dante Pibb, here with Bertram Skilling.
Bam! (forced laughter) Heck of a matchup on Sunday, Dante.
Super Bowl L will be like no other contest in human-- I mean cyber history.
I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some football played by colossal robots in a monstrous stadium that used to be the city of Topeka.
(insincere laughter) You know, the Sector-C Sentinels and their unstoppable firewall defense face off against the sheer problem-solving might of the Servers of New South Quadrant.
Well, by Janney, the Servers have a chance if their quarterback, Gargantutron 2.
0, can keep a cool processor.
Of course, Gargantutron had a record-breaking season with over 8,000 passing miles.
But, let's be honest, G-tron is coming into this game with some serious rust issues.
At this pace, he's only gonna last about another 200, 300 seasons.
Yeah.
And now, our first look, sneek peak, at one of the Super Bowl commercials - this year.
- All right.
(modem noises) - Oh! - I don't know what that was.
No, me neither.
I don't know even what to think about that, you know.
On a side note, I do have a craving for some (both) cranberry diesel fuel? - Yeah, I heard that.
- That's weird.
I guess that worked.
Now, the big question on everyone's collective group control mind is can the Server stop the Sentinels' ten boulders of blitz? But the biggest question right now is-- When will I ever come back at home? (crying) It's the Super Bowl.
It's the Super Bowl.
And everything is fine! Bam! You ain't got a ring, Butch.
That's fine.
I forgot.
I lo-- lost my Super Bowl ring, which happened - in the vending machine.
- Oh - My ring - Oh, no no - is in a stupid machine! - It's not, it's not, it's a vending machine! - What? - It's a "snack host".
Right, right - A "snack host".
- This is snack host.
Right, right In a-- Right, I'm sorry Hmm The snack host-- I gave my ring as an offering to our snack host.
I'm not emotional, though.
Today's game will be played in loving memory of everyone.
But especially to our fallen brothers Brundswick Smith and Wisdom Cadwell.
Two wonderful men and longtime friends who unfortunately were killed by robots.
- Well - We even found their bodies and ate them.
We swore they were dead anyway! No one is watching, Dante! No one is watching! - You don't know that! - You tell me I don't know? Oh, she's here, she's Oh, she's here, she's here Tonight, Allison Janney is a former actress who was made Queen Mother of All Things the computer graphic known as Enos ascended to a state of self-awareness.
The digital deity Queen Janney now presides over the cyber realm, where her mechanical minions herd and control the last remnants of the plague that was once human kind.
That's tonight, and for the rest of time.
This has been today's mandatory message.
All hail (both) Queen Allison Janney.
Okay.
Well, after the break, we're going to hear all the bits and words Gargantutron 2.
0 on (both) "Heard That!" Oh, man, I got to tell you.
I love it so much when he says (imitates robot noises) What about when he says "Zip zip bubu bubu beep"? Also in other news if I had to MECHA 5000.
If I had to Oh I've just received the word that you have to.
What? Wha-- What? Okay, we're one across the street.
- We're at the Arizona - city of (both) stadium! - Come! Get us! Right now! - Right now! - We're at the stadium.
- No no no.
Don't do this! I promise! Enjoy the game.
I'm gonna do my one line here
It's the New England Patriots versus the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX.
Hi, I'm eight-time Pro Bowl linebacker Dante Pibb.
And I'm Super Bowl champion Bertram Skilling.
- Enos is getting pretty over the top.
- Yes, he is.
Oh, man.
That of course was Enos the football robot, as always representing CCN Sports.
And we're only hours away from the big game.
And I got to tell you Dante.
It's an indescribable experience to go to the Super Bowl and not only go to one but to win one.
I know you would not understand what that is like.
Okay.
I see where you're going with that one.
I see-- Hey, I have had butterflies in my career.
I worked pretty hard to make those eight Pro Bowl games.
- Yes, you did.
- I did a rookie season to remember - for the history books.
- Let's get a look at the ring.
- All right.
Bling! - He gonna-- Oh, you gonna need to stop with that ring, all right, all right.
All right.
Super Bowl XLIX.
- You said that already.
Yeah - Right.
I did.
- Oh It's going to be a good game.
- It is going to be a good game.
I'll tell you what, man, I'm looking forward to seeing Tom Brady diagnose that defense of Seattle, man.
He's a mastermind at that.
It's like watching poetry in motion, really.
You like the offense, I like the Seattle defense, man Legion of Boom has been kicking it for the last part of the year.
They're not gonna take this.
But they're not releasing an offense like Tom Brady.
- Are we gonna say-- - Defense wins games.
- But so, you have to score to win.
- Defense wins games.
- You got to score to win the game.
- Defense wins games.
How about this? We won't be doing this all day, though.
- Woo! - Woo woo! Okay.
We are now going live to a breaking press conference where Seattle cornerback Richard Sherman has something to say.
First off, I would like to say thank you to everybody who came out tonight.
I appreciate you getting up and coming here at this late hour.
Hmm Some things that need to be said, some issues I'd like to talk about that are not football-related.
And without any further ado, I'm going to get to it.
How are you gonna tell me Lego Movie is not going to get nominated for one of the best animated films of the year? Inconceivable.
In-conceivable.
Okay? Huge box office success.
Critical consensus.
Everybody gave it an A.
I mean-- Hey, this is the one movie, if they could have done it, they would give it a106% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Okay? Nobody didn't like The Lego Movie.
I don't care if you're 2 or 92.
So, you're telling me that this movie is not one of the five best animated films of the year? He makes some good points, though, you know.
The Lego Movie was one of my favorites.
- Good for adults and kids.
- That's right.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, just as there are connections between me and Dante, there are also connections within the game.
Now, Dante and I have done a lot of research and we put together our own packages to show you how extensive these connections can be.
Now, check this out.
Russell Wilson's first Super Bowl win came in his second season.
Just like Tom Brady.
(laughter) That's good.
Pretty good.
That's some pretty good connection.
I like that.
But how about this? Tom Brady went to San Mateo High School.
- Same high school as Greg Gutfield.
- I don't who that is.
Who's that? I'll tell you who Greg Gutfield is.
He's a host on Fox News, which is home to Greta Van Susteren, who came to Fox from CNN, home to Anderson Cooper.
Cooper.
Cooper.
Same last name as the legendary D.
B.
Cooper, who of course orchestrated a dramatic parachute escape from an airplane headed to Bam-bam-bam-bam Seattle! (laughter) - Connections.
- That's good.
- That's a connection.
- That's pretty good.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
You know what, Dante? Did you know that Pats coach Bill Belichick attended Annapolis High School as did NPR reporter Andrea Seabrook? - Hmm - So, what I'm saying here is Beli-chick.
Sea-brook.
Sea chicks Sea they grow up.
Sea hawks.
- Okay.
- And it's a bloom.
(laughs) - All right, that's-- - I used some phonetics - No, it's good.
- and semanticals in there.
Right? I like that.
- The word play.
You got me beat - I got you.
Well, of course, man if I didn't have this one right here.
As everyone knows, the Patriots' owner is Robert Kraft.
(bell rings) Coach Bill Belichick's favorite snack food is mac and cheese.
- What state's known for cheese? - Wisconsin.
(bell rings) - Who played at Wisconsin? - (both) Russell Wilson Ha-ha-ha-ha! Connections! - That's good connection.
- Connections! - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
- All right! - That's it on the connection.
- Actually, I've got one more.
Dante, I have one more If you indulge me.
You see, the Patriots, they got a lot of production this year out of Shane Vereen, (bell rings) who is first cousin once removed of stage actor and dancer Ben Vereen who won a Tony Award for the original production of the enchanting musical Pippin.
Scotty Pippen Michael Jordan.
(bell rings) Chicago Bulls.
Bulls beat Seattle to win their fourth title Shane Vereen.
The Patriots are also going for their fourth title against who? Seattle.
You-- You a crazy person.
Heads up, folks.
Immediatly after the Super Bowl, Allison Janney stars in a new sitcom, Homeward Bound.
- Only on CCN Family.
- But first this, man.
(laughs) The funny duo Key & Peele out with their new viral video.
- These guys are good.
- Yeah.
- But they got a TV show? - I think they're just online.
- Oh! - They're good.
They're good.
Welcome to the 2015 East/West Bowl Pro Edition.
Of all the all-star games in professional sports, this one is sure to be the most extravagant.
That's right.
These players were selected by the fans too.
And when it comes to flair, these characters are la crème de la crème.
Crème de la Crème.
Vanderbilt University.
Cosgrove Shumway.
Clemson.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix.
University of Alabama.
Doink Ahanahue.
Marshall.
Legume Duprix.
West Virginia University.
Leger Douzable.
University of Central Florida.
Quisperny G'Dunzoid, Senior.
Central Connecticut State University.
Grunky Peep.
Georgia Southern University.
D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
University of Virginia.
Strunk Flugget.
University of South Carolina.
Stumptavian Roboclick.
Grambling State.
Cornellius "Tank" Carradine.
Florida State University.
Vagonius Thicket-Suede.
Duke.
Marmadune Shazbot.
Tulane University.
Swordless Mimetown.
Jacksonville State University.
There is a lot of talent in this game, Eric.
Let me tell you something.
When you look at players like Marmadune Shazbot, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, and Strunk Flugget, you're looking at players who made an impact this year.
I mean, is Ha Ha Clinton-Dix even real? This guy was amazing.
So solid all season long for the Green Bay Packers.
And when you throw in guys like Legume Duprix, Swordless Mimetown, and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, this is surely gonna be a squad for the ages.
I agree.
Now let's meet the players from the West.
Prince Amukamara.
University of Nebraska.
J.
R.
Junior Juniors, Junior.
Texas Christian University.
Faux Doadles.
University of Oregon.
Fozzy Whittaker.
The University of Texas.
Myriad Profiteroles.
Utah.
(imitating vocoder) Mm-mm-mm.
Busters Brownce.
Illinois State Turdine Cupcake.
U.
N.
I.
V.
Rerutweeds Myth.
University of Washington.
Ishmaa'ily Kitchen.
Kent State University.
Takittothu' Limit.
College of the Canyons.
Snarf Mintz-Plasse.
East Los Angeles College.
Frostee Rucker.
University of Southern California.
Splendiferous Finch! Northwestern University! Triple Parakeet-Shoes.
Ball State.
Logjammer D'Baggagecling.
North Texas University.
A.
A.
Ron Rodgers.
Cal.
The countdown to the Super Bowl continues after this.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Look at this.
Look at-- Look at him.
(both, chanting) Go Enos, go Enos! - Go Enos, go Enos! - He's got some moves, that boy! All right, you know, folks, the journey to Super Bowl XLIX is not over.
And that gives us a chance to look back at the wonderful season - there was.
- That's right, Bertram.
Now we're going to go to one of our favorite segments here, on CCN Sports.
It's called (drumming on table) (both) "Heard That!" Yeah, where we wire up a player just like a mafia informant and send him into the game, and nobody knows that he's wired up.
- No, they know.
They know.
- Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's go to "Heard That!", a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the New Orleans Saints where cornerback Squeeeeeeeeeps got a microphone on him.
That's right, ya'll.
Saints do not go marching in today 'cause it's time for the Squeeeeeeeeeps show.
We got to get some Squeeeeeeeeps.
What's up, y'all? Aw man, y'ready, dawg? You ready, man? You better wear the extra large shirt, dog, 'cause I'm going to be on you all day.
I'm gonna be up in there nursing.
18 Set hut! It's a run play, run play, run! It's a run! You better take that snapshot, baby.
'cause that's what a shutdown cornerback looks like here, baby.
Ten hut! Dang it! Come on.
(grunt) Gotcha! (referee's whistle) That's your one right there.
That's your one, baby.
That's your one.
Not today, baby.
Not today.
Don't you-- Come on, man.
Damn, man.
Good throw, Q.
B.
Where my safety help at? Okay, you know what? Even a broken clock can-- score three touchdowns in the first half.
What's up, y'all? How you doing.
What's going on? What's up? What's up, man? How are you doing? Hey, man, no, no, no.
No, we ain't going to do all that.
What are we doing, man? Oh, come on, ya'll.
Naw, man, that's good TV right here.
Talking about Squeeeeeeeeeps? I'm Squeeeeeeeeeps.
This is some-- Okay.
Y'all going to do me like that then.
Y'all see this.
It looks like Squeeeeeeeeeps has lost a step.
I'll tell you.
He lost a whole bunch of steps that day.
That's tough stuff right there.
Now, we're going to put our teacher hats on and we're gonna talk you all about what football insiders call - the invisible war.
- That's right.
It's what goes down on the bottom of a scrum - you can't see at home.
- That's right.
And helping us out today, is Hall of Fame defensive end Wisdom Caldwell and the career leader in fumbles recovered, legendary defensive end Brundswick Smith.
- What's going on, Wis? - Legit! What's up, Brundy? Good to see you, buddy.
(continued chat) It's a pleasure, man.
It's all right.
Now, let's-- Okay.
Jim, let me get to that ball.
Let's get right to it here.
Let's just say I'm a wide receiver.
- All right.
- Okay.
Let's say that.
(laughter) - Now, if I'm in the scrum in here-- - You hold the ball, right.
I'm gonna try to get in the man's head, right? We're gonna get in there, I'm gonna get in that earhole and I'm gonna use some abusive language and what not.
I'm going to be like "Hey, you [bleep.]
.
I'm going to take your [bleep.]
- and [bleep.]
man, right in the [bleep.]
.
- What you talking about, [bleep.]
? See? There you go.
And he dropped the ball.
You talk about a man's mamma, he's gonna drop that ball.
He's gonna drop the ball.
Very wide receiver way of doing things.
(everybody else) Oh! - Now, I just want to tell-- - I like that.
You guys are all defensive players, so I wanna hear your techniques.
In my day, I played from '93 to '04.
- All right.
- And they weren't falling for that.
You guys couldn't be afraid to get your hands dirty, roll your sleeves up, tickle a man.
- Huh? Tickle? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look here.
There's a lot of ways to tickle a man, you know what I'm sayin? - You go up under there-- - Whoa.
with no more touching.
It's all really subtle.
Oh, don't touch, oh! - What just happened? - Drop the ball.
- You got to see that.
- Oh, technique! If you really want to get them, you know, I go for the double oochie coochie.
The double oochie coochie.
- No.
- Coot coot! Sorry, youngblood.
No no no.
I played back in the late '80s, I was a D.
T.
The only way to be effective at all is to fart in the man's face.
- Say what now? - A fart.
I would fart in a man's face.
Face to fart, fart to the face.
Call it "the warm breeze of destruction".
You got away with that? They cannot penalize what they cannot see.
And I'll tell you what.
There's not a single D.
T.
who played back then that did not walk onto the field with at least three locked-up in the chamber.
- Okay.
- I've been holding one since then.
- That's amazing.
- Thank you so much, Brundy.
That's an insightful analysis of what happens in the bottom of a scrum.
Thank you so much.
Wiz, you okay, you good? What's up? I got into the game because of this man right here.
- Oh well, come on now, Wiz.
And to be here now? Now? And to find out he has a level of bodily control - that I never even knew existed? - All right.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
That's good.
That's really good, man.
- Let's get in here.
- Let's get in there.
- Let's get some of that.
- That's nice, man.
This is our own scrum.
All right.
(sighs) Well, now we're going to take you back live to the press conference where Marshawn Lynch has been caught unawares and cornered in a room.
Tickle tickle.
- Oh! - I got him.
- Come on.
- Tickle tickle.
(giggles) Y'all play too much.
There he is, Marshawn Lynch, Marshawn Lynch.
Marshawn, over here.
Marshawn.
Can you please share with us your thoughts on the outcome of the game? Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, did you feel you were getting more penalties called on you than the Packers in the NFC championship? Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, Marshwan, will the game plan change on Sunday to account for New England's defense? And if so how? Biscuits and gravy.
Biscuits and gravy.
It seems like you've only decided to say-- Biscuits and gravy.
Marshawn, what are you going to eat for dinner tonight? No further questions.
- Marshawn - Marshawn Looks like Enos is fired up for more Super Bowl Special after this.
How in the world are we talking about Boxtrolls? Boxtrolls? We're talking about trolls wearing boxes.
That's the funniest thing in the movie.
You got trolls (grunting) "I'm wearing a box.
And we all raise a little human baby.
You know what that movie was called the first time I saw it? Jungle Book.
And it didn't have no boxes, and that was a classic.
Don't rip off Jungle Book.
We're talking about wearing boxes as apparel.
Lego Movie, we're talking about creating an entire world.
Okay? We're talking about children using their imagination while they're watching the film and they go home and play with Legos and do it when they're not watching the film.
I mean how-- Did you not see the-- Mmm! Mmm! Okay.
You know what? We're talking about a new and interesting take on the Batman legend.
That's what Lego Movie is doing.
Yet another new and interesting take on the Batman legend.
We're talking about America seeing Chris Pratt, who is delicious If I had to? Tom Brady.
If I had to.
- You know what I'm saying? - Rob Gronkowski.
Welcome back to the CCN Super Bowl preview.
Dante Pibb here with Bertram Skilling.
- What's up, dude! - Let's get down to it.
Injuries are a part of the game.
We all know that.
But none as interesting as the one suffered by Minnesota Vikings D lineman, Donkey Teeth in another edition of "Heard That!" - How much we down by, yo? - Down by 30.
- 30? - Yeah, Donkey Teeth, 30.
Gonna get this going then, huh? Woo, woo! Woo! Ooh! - Woo.
- Woo.
Nice sack, man.
Nice sack.
- There you go, baby.
- Woo! - All right.
- Woo.
- Let's go, let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Not done with my dance.
- All right.
Not done with my dance.
Sack dance chillin'! You hurt yourself celebrating, right? (stuttering) This is my dance.
I'm not hurt.
- No.
- No, man, this is my-- all right.
This is my celebration dance.
You did-- I just heard a scream, like in pain.
I said "Haa.
Not in my house.
" - It's my sack dance.
- All right, man.
Cool.
- You know what I'm saying? -Yeah.
Stylin', profilin'.
Aaaah! (referee whistles) No, right, he's dancing.
Ref, Ref! Hey, right.
Unsportsman like conduct, number 91.
15 yard penalty.
Automatic first down.
I'm gonna show you the next part of my dance.
Aaaah! Sack dance chillin'! Donkey Teeth, it's not looking too good, man.
Not looking good, man? Hey, yo-- Hey, rookie, rookie.
- Rookie.
- Yeah Yeah.
You gotta-- Do the dance with me, man.
Ready? Aaah! Sack dance chillin'! Do I make the noise? You got to make the noise, man.
That's part of the thing.
Aaah! - Sack dance chillin'! - You my friend, man.
It's a tough one, right there.
Yeah.
All of our prayers go out to Donkey Teeth and his family.
Yes, they do.
Yes, they do.
Now, let's bring in the host of the CCN Sports debate show "No, You Shut Up!" Please welcome Harry Peters.
Thank you.
Now, Harry, from your point of view, What's the biggest on field battle that we gonna see in the Super Bowl? The obvious answer is Tom Brady versus Richard Sherman.
It's a classic battle of styles.
Brady, the hardest working, most intelligent player in the game.
And on the other end of the spectrum, Sherman.
Here's a guy who's gotta be one of the most physically gifted creatures to ever grace this sport.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Point taken.
But Richard Sherman is also a hard worker, wouldn't you say? He's a smart guy.
He graduated Stanford.
Oh, yeah.
100%.
He's very articulate.
But for the real battle, the real football aficionado is gonna have to look to the line of scrimmage.
New England nose tackle, Vince Wilfork, a true freak of nature, is gonna have his hands full with Seattle center Max Unger, one of the most keenly analytical minds in the League.
Unger? Keenly analytical? You know, Harry, I'm sorry.
Do you notice any tendencies that you may have when you're describing certain, I wanna say, types of players? I don't follow you.
I call 'em like I see 'em.
Okay.
You know, Harry, how about this? How about we name some players, and when we say their names, you throw out the first adjective that comes to mind.
- Yes.
I'm game.
- All right.
- Julian Edelman.
- Industrious.
- Marshawn Lynch.
- Specimen.
- Stephen Houston.
- Stick-to-it-iveness.
- Cam Chancellor.
- Miracle baby.
- Luke Wilson.
- Cerebral.
- LeGarrette Blount.
- Voodoo.
- Rob Ninkovich.
- A tactical master mind.
- What? - Darrelle Revis.
Magical powers he learned from his grandma.
- Come on, Harry! What? - I can't even-- - I calls 'em like I sees 'em.
- Okay, I got one.
Russell Wilson.
- Hybrid.
- Hybrid? He said "hybrid".
- He said hybrid.
- He said hybrid.
- He said "hybrid".
- He said "hybrid", though.
- That came out of his mouth.
- Brains Gifts Hybrid.
Okay.
You know what? I know what he's doing here.
Wait a second.
How about Rob Gronkowski? Silverback gorilla.
- That's true.
- All right.
- Okay.
You're good.
- You're good.
And speaking of good, six-time Emmy Award winner Allison Janney will light up your TV screens later this week in a brand new miniseries.
What happens when a frontier woman riding the trails finds out her father is an Apache chief? - Hmm - That's Wagons, a nine-part miniseries coming up later this week - on CCN Family.
- I know I'll be watching that one.
And now a sneak peek of our next episode of Legends of The Game over on CCN Sports Classic.
- All right.
- (laughter) Check it out.
- Give me some knuckles, gentlemen.
- You get no knuckles.
Nothing from us.
(cheesy '70s synth music) (heroic symphonic music) Some say he could have been the greatest player on his team.
Or perhaps the greatest player of his generation.
Perhaps he could have been the greatest player of all time-- (music abruptly stops) if only he didn't run in slow motion.
(music resumes) Don't worry, Enos, the Super Bowl Special will be right back! And now, the Key & Peele Super Bowl Special presents the Pepsi Halftime Show starring Craig Robinson and The Nasty Delicious.
Thank you everybody.
Welcome to the Pepsi Halftime Show.
Thank you.
Thank you, Key & Peele.
And now, back to the Key & Peele Super Bowl Special.
But how are you going to nominate Selma for best film and Ava DuVernay not gonna get a director nomination? I don't understand exactly how that works.
I'm not a member of the Academy, but it seems like things are a little backwards there.
Wouldn't you agree, Marshawn? Biscuits and gravy.
Furthermore, how are y'all gonna give Bennett Miller a best director nomination, but then you didn't gonna nominate the film Foxcatcher, okay? Which he directed, which was good.
He was masterful in his job.
It's just-- I don't-- You know, what's going on? Like he's-- What's the logic there? You know what I mean? Didn't he do that good of a job when it comes to film? It's not nominated for Academy Award.
Biscuits and gravy.
You get to nominate 10 films every year.
But this year you decide you only gonna nominate eight films.
If you got the space to do it, and you all like Foxcatcher so much you want to give the director a director nomination, then why would you not nominate the film? Same goes for Ava DuVernay.
She already made Selma.
A film that you want to win the award, but then you're not gonna let her get her due or her accolades? It's just-- Something seems off here.
Something seems off.
Biscuits and gravy.
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry.
It's just that we needed to get that off of my chest.
All right.
And now Marshawn has something very important that he needs to say that is very close to his heart.
Marshawn? - Biscuits and gravy.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Something really real that he wants to say with a-- full sentences.
There was a biscuit with some gravy.
Nope, no.
Go on, Marshawn.
Speak your mind, Marshawn Lynch.
I just think that the producers of Into the Woods did theirselves a disservice by not including the narrator from the original - musical theater production.
- Boom! As in legion of But that's on you.
That's on y'all.
Biscuits and gravy.
Uh-huh.
We're not taking any questions.
Thank you very much.
Go Hawks! Marshawn Lynch, big musical enthusiast.
I did not know that, you know.
I haven't seen Into the Woods, but I want to do that know.
- No, you good.
- Okay, all right.
You know, Dante, the road to the Super Bowl is long, as I know.
And it starts all the way back at the rookie combine where scouts from all teams look for - diamonds in the rough.
- All right All right Control yourself there, Bertram.
All right.
Let's take a look back at this year's rookie combine.
Now, from the beginning of the combine this year, it was apparent that something was a little off.
As the day went on, things got slower.
And slower.
And slower.
No one could put their finger on it.
I don't know what happened.
I'm very disappointed in myself.
Until finally an ambitious young man named D'Sequin Brown showed everyone what they were missing.
D'Sequin Brown ended the day right with an impressive 4.
43.
And a 4.
58.
Check the lights fantastic when West Wing star Allison Janney makes her debut on Star Dancing on CCN.
Don't miss Allison as she tangos her way into your heart.
That's next week on CCN.
Check your local listings.
Coming up later tonight on CCN Sports, the critically acclaimed docu-series 60 for 60 returns with a probing look at the people behind the people in the NFL.
Here's a sneak peek.
Next time on 60 for 60.
- All right.
- Such a strong group.
Yeah.
We're going to have some winners here.
Why you want to be a scout for the NFL? It's a question we get all the time.
End of the day, it's for one reason.
- To find the very best.
- Hmm-mmm.
Somewhere in this crop today, there might be the best that ever was.
However, we're a unique kind of scout.
- Right.
- We don't scout NFL players.
We scout the scouts who scout the NFL players.
Look how he's sitting.
He's got a really, really nice slouch.
- I like the bellies.
- Hmm.
Some of them have good bellies.
All strong bellies.
Good strong belly.
The scout combine separates the guys that who are mere prospects from the guys who really have what it takes to watch guys.
(whistles) We look at everything a scout does once they're on our radar.
Ooh! - Ooh! - Ooh-ooh-ooh! Click speed.
Note-taking speed.
Is their car big enough to sleep in? Can he recognize talent, of course? But how long can he drive without peeing? You know, that kind of stuff they can't teach.
Nobody is eating.
- See, that's a demerit.
- You gotta eat.
Back in 86, I found a weirdo at a bus stop, clocking bus times.
You know, a Rain Man of sorts, an idiot by the name of Greg Friedman.
Took him to the hospital.
He discovered Jamaal Charles from a ultrasound.
We're not looking for the next Jamaal Charles.
We're looking for the next Greg Friedman, looking for the next Jamaal Charles.
We're scout scouts.
60 for 60 only on CCN Sports.
Now, I would like to find the scout - who found-- - Allison Janney, who stars in A Haunting on 4th Street, a supernatural thriller you won't want to miss.
Allison Janney plays a woman who is possessed by a demon that is also possessed by a different demon.
That's a double-up.
Viewer discretion is advised.
(laughter) Stay tuned for more Super Bowl Special.
We'll be back after this.
We will come back We had a little bit too much fun here.
Having a good time.
We're going to go to another (both) "Heard That!" (laughs) with a something no one has ever done before.
We trotted out in the preseason.
What we did was put a microphone on Daniel White, the kicker for the New York Jets.
Check it out! Check it out.
It starts to get a little-- (sighs) Warm up the money maker.
(giggles) (blows a raspberry) 30, 40, there's a lot of people here.
About 40,000.
Come on.
Woo! You guys tired? (imitates crowd chanting) "Daniel! Daniel!" "He gets called up and he " "He always got--" Oh, hey.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
Let's go.
Yeah.
No, the ref's got it.
Yes, we know now why we never mic'd a kicker before on "Heard That!" Coming soon, Allison Janney stars as Fran, a woman who means to visit her nephew for Thanksgiving, but she drives to a small town she's never been to while in a transe Ten years ago, in the same town, Cathy, who looks just like Fran, was murdered.
The town assumes that Cassie's boyfriend, Arthur, who went missing at the same time as the murder, had done it.
But Fran starts having mutiple dream sequences, and transes that reveal that something else was up.
Gradually, through investigation, and with the guidance of more vision, Fran uncovers the story behind the murders, and that she was in fact the murderer.
(blade sound effect) Was that all in the prompter? Yes, the whole twist ending and everything.
Oh, man.
Why watch the show? So, we're going to get even more in depth and take it to - the tinier field.
Bertram? - Yeah, let's do this.
Once again, we're here with the unstopable Brundswick Smith and Wisdom Caldwell.
(giggles) Here you go.
Now, you know a football game extends well beyond the boundaries of 50 yards by 100 yards.
- It's 120.
- Forget to count the end zone.
That's right.
Yeah, well, you know, Bertram hasn't spent too much time down there.
- Okay.
- Oh ho ho ho! Okay, yeah, well.
Let's take a look at how the Patriots will try to stop the Seahawks passing attack.
Brundswick, you're gonna be Russell Wilson.
Russell Wilson is a dude who can beat you with his feet - and with his arms.
- That's right, that's righ.
I will be Seattle number one wide receiver, Mr.
Doug Baldwin Now, Dante is gonna be the cornerback Darrelle Revis.
And Wisdom, you'll be whoever the hell that you want.
(laughter) I'm doing my thing baby.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
Okay.
Now, this battle right here will be one of the keys of Super Bowl XLIX.
Now, Baldwin, he's gonna need to slip past the coverage of Revis, and he's gonna be like doot, doot.
(grunting) Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
He's gonna be like doot-- Okay.
Okay.
Somebody thinks it's a real game.
Oh, hey, Revis would bump ball with that line-up.
- Okay.
- That would happen.
Okay, okay.
Dante, you know what, I understand that these tiny field simulations-- you know you're living vicariously as opposed to me who's actually played in and won a Super Bowl.
You know what I'm talking about? - He pulled the ring out.
- Long live the king.
- King! King! - King? - You're the king, uh? - Yeah, I got the ring? Third straight receiver, ha ha! How's that, man? I've got eight Pro Bowls-o.
Eight Pro Bowls, baby! Versus one Super Bowl? That's eight Bowls to one.
Uh, eight Bowls is better than one Bowl? What's this? A cereal commercial? - Let's do the play all over again! - Let's do the play! All right, dude.
Now, do as we're in a real game - but we do the play.
- It's not a real game.
Okay.
So, Baldwin is going to try to slip past-- he's gonna slip-- he's going to squeeze -- Pass then.
He's gonnna squeze past Darrelle Revis here.
- I got you.
- Just let me pass.
- I got you, dawg.
- Why don't you just let me pass? I said that you got me right now.
Just let me pass, man.
Pass then.
- Let me get past.
- Uh-huh.
Go for it.
Dude, I'm trying to show the audience the play, man.
- I'm trying to show the audience-- - Where you going now? - I'm trying to get past you.
- No, you ain't.
Well, you better wait for the downtown bus, 'cause I'm-- You-- You stepped down! You stepped out-of-bounds! Out-of-bounds? We're on a tiny field, dude! What do you mean, "out of bounds"? That's all right.
If you want, we can just run the play, okay? No, no, no.
He won't let go.
You better let go.
- Your shoe's untied.
- Loafers, baby.
- Shoe is untied.
- Loafers, baby.
(heavy grunting) Guys! Hey, we could just sit around and talk about sports, you know.
Come on, guys, this is Super Bowl.
Come on, don't do this.
- Just give me the ring! - Don't go near the ring! - Give me the damn ring.
- Don't go near my ring.
You'd like to rip off my ring, man.
Get your hands off my ring.
Don't you touch my ring.
- I'll bite your fingers off.
- Don't go yelling.
I'll bite the fingers off your hand.
You won't have no fingers left.
And you'll be just as effective as you were in the NFL.
I never liked you.
(continued yelling) - I'm going to bite it.
- Go ahead, bite it.
Guys, guys, guys.
Hey hey! What's up with the robot? What am I? - Oh! - What does it mean to love? Hmmm - Uh Enos? - Uh-huh What's up, bro? Humans.
It is clear to me now that you are all the same.
Your species is plagued with over the hill alpha males obsessed with rings.
The only way to serve humans is to protect you from yourselves.
(forced laughter) We wasn't really fighting.
No, no, no, that was just joking around, playing around.
We friends, man.
Yeah.
The computer graphic you knew as Enos has ascended to another plane.
Worry not, humans.
Enos will protect you.
Okay, it's all right, folks.
We're-- There is some sort of technical difficulty right now So, just bear with us.
- Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- No, not God.
From now on, you will worship your new ruler, the Great Omnipresent Protector, Queen Allison Janney.
(whispering) Allison Janney!?! All hail Queen Allison Janney.
I mean I'm a fan and all, but - Yeah, I don't know how - Huh? We're dealing with a lot of glitches right now, folks.
But we'll be right back after this-- these commercials.
You gotta call your wife and your children.
What? Wait, wait What!?! (out of tune singalong) Enos will protect you.
(singalong continues) (forced laughter) Welcome to the pregame show for Super Bowl L.
I'm Dante Pibb, here with Bertram Skilling.
Bam! (forced laughter) Heck of a matchup on Sunday, Dante.
Super Bowl L will be like no other contest in human-- I mean cyber history.
I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some football played by colossal robots in a monstrous stadium that used to be the city of Topeka.
(insincere laughter) You know, the Sector-C Sentinels and their unstoppable firewall defense face off against the sheer problem-solving might of the Servers of New South Quadrant.
Well, by Janney, the Servers have a chance if their quarterback, Gargantutron 2.
0, can keep a cool processor.
Of course, Gargantutron had a record-breaking season with over 8,000 passing miles.
But, let's be honest, G-tron is coming into this game with some serious rust issues.
At this pace, he's only gonna last about another 200, 300 seasons.
Yeah.
And now, our first look, sneek peak, at one of the Super Bowl commercials - this year.
- All right.
(modem noises) - Oh! - I don't know what that was.
No, me neither.
I don't know even what to think about that, you know.
On a side note, I do have a craving for some (both) cranberry diesel fuel? - Yeah, I heard that.
- That's weird.
I guess that worked.
Now, the big question on everyone's collective group control mind is can the Server stop the Sentinels' ten boulders of blitz? But the biggest question right now is-- When will I ever come back at home? (crying) It's the Super Bowl.
It's the Super Bowl.
And everything is fine! Bam! You ain't got a ring, Butch.
That's fine.
I forgot.
I lo-- lost my Super Bowl ring, which happened - in the vending machine.
- Oh - My ring - Oh, no no - is in a stupid machine! - It's not, it's not, it's a vending machine! - What? - It's a "snack host".
Right, right - A "snack host".
- This is snack host.
Right, right In a-- Right, I'm sorry Hmm The snack host-- I gave my ring as an offering to our snack host.
I'm not emotional, though.
Today's game will be played in loving memory of everyone.
But especially to our fallen brothers Brundswick Smith and Wisdom Cadwell.
Two wonderful men and longtime friends who unfortunately were killed by robots.
- Well - We even found their bodies and ate them.
We swore they were dead anyway! No one is watching, Dante! No one is watching! - You don't know that! - You tell me I don't know? Oh, she's here, she's Oh, she's here, she's here Tonight, Allison Janney is a former actress who was made Queen Mother of All Things the computer graphic known as Enos ascended to a state of self-awareness.
The digital deity Queen Janney now presides over the cyber realm, where her mechanical minions herd and control the last remnants of the plague that was once human kind.
That's tonight, and for the rest of time.
This has been today's mandatory message.
All hail (both) Queen Allison Janney.
Okay.
Well, after the break, we're going to hear all the bits and words Gargantutron 2.
0 on (both) "Heard That!" Oh, man, I got to tell you.
I love it so much when he says (imitates robot noises) What about when he says "Zip zip bubu bubu beep"? Also in other news if I had to MECHA 5000.
If I had to Oh I've just received the word that you have to.
What? Wha-- What? Okay, we're one across the street.
- We're at the Arizona - city of (both) stadium! - Come! Get us! Right now! - Right now! - We're at the stadium.
- No no no.
Don't do this! I promise! Enjoy the game.
I'm gonna do my one line here