Black-ish (2014) s05e01 Episode Script
Gap Year
1 DRE: As a parent, it's your job to guide your kids through life's toughest chapters, even if you aren't that sure the kid is yours in the first place.
Or if he's even gonna make it in life at all.
And then you're surprised when they do.
That's right.
Junior was finally ready to get his higher learning on at my alma mater, of all places, Howard University.
Now, it's always tough to drop a kid off at college, but this was Junior, so Now, we want a tight hospital corner.
- Yep.
- Why is he tucking in his comforter? The man loves a nice swaddle.
Okay, everybody, you've already said your goodbyes.
Come on.
We got some sight-seeing to do the Lincoln Memorial, the African-American History Museum.
Let's go! Oh, I'd love to go to those places.
Ooh, those are tourist spots, and you live here now, so no.
And, Junior, you be careful out here, all right? And remember, you can make a shank out of pretty much anything.
That's right.
Black people - human-traffic black people, too.
- Yeah.
- That's true.
- JUNIOR: Don't worry, guys.
Me and Marques are cool.
I mean, he's from Brooklyn, so, you know, he's teaching me to talk like him.
[Brooklyn accent.]
Ay, yo, sweetheart.
You want to go get a bagel? And maybe go see a Broadway play? [Laughter.]
So, you're gonna grow your virginity back? [Chuckles.]
That is hilarious.
- All right, come on, guys.
Let's go.
- Okay.
- Let's go.
- Is there anything else you think you need for your dorm room? Seriously, like, Febreeze, or more towels, maybe - maybe some more hugs from Mommy? - No, no more hugs.
Let's go! Can't keep Lincoln waiting! - Hey, son.
- Never get enough hugs.
- See you in four years.
- But Thanksgiving - I said four years.
- I am so proud of you.
- Okay, yeah.
Uh-huh, yeah.
- You are a champion! - Thank God we're finally home.
- Huh.
That was the longest flight ever.
Well, not for me.
I popped a couple of Ambien.
I was fine.
You tried to open the flight door.
Almost got it open, too.
[Chuckles.]
My baby's strong.
We dropped 10,000 feet in 5 seconds.
- Nobody put my mask on.
- You survived.
Junior had left the nest, but the Johnson family hadn't skipped a beat.
And you know what? Maybe I was even gonna miss him a little bit.
Oh, um hey, Dad.
Or maybe I wasn't.
What the hell? What are you doing home? How the hell did you get home? I used the emergency credit card to book a flight.
Well, what's the emergency? Wasn't really feeling college right now.
What the Not to brag, but I predicted this on Twitter three days ago.
Go! - I'm a prophet.
- Okay.
Everybody, relax.
- I decided to take a gap year.
- A gap year? What the hell is that? I took a gap year once with The Gap Band.
[Chuckles.]
Charlie Wilson dropped a bomb on me, baby.
- Mama - Huh.
A gap year is when a kid takes a year before going off to college.
It's pretty common, actually.
Everyone that I know that's taken a gap year is some rich kid who turns out to be a ski bum.
Is this some white [bleep.]
? Everything around here is some white [bleep.]
.
Pops, it is not some white stuff.
For the record, Malia Obama took a gap year.
- You are not Malia Obama, fool! - Okay.
Okay, okay.
Let's just calm down.
We can regroup on all of this tomorrow.
We're just a little little jet-lagged.
I know I was yesterday.
Junior.
Go.
So you're just gonna let him off the hook like that? [Scoffs.]
Dre.
Come on.
He's scared.
And yelling at someone when they're scared only makes them more scared.
Stop being scared! Monsters feed off of fear! You are monster food right now.
[Sighs.]
But I like yelling at the kids.
Yeah, I know, and you're the best at it.
Mm.
But he needs his mom right now.
- Okay? - Okay.
He's just got cold feet, sweetie.
Just trust me.
I'm gonna get him to go back to school.
Oh, wait a minute.
So [chuckles.]
that's your move? The spokesperson for soft is gonna toughen up my grandkid? We literally just brought you to D.
C.
and paid for everything.
Museums are free.
Uh-huh.
Junior's gonna be okay, right? Oh, no.
But at least he made it a lot harder for us to disappoint our parents.
Hey.
- Good night, Grandma.
- Good night, Grandma.
Good night, babies.
[Door closes.]
Hmm.
No, that ain't right.
What's so important that couldn't wait till morning? Watching you and Jack walk into that room together and shut the door behind yourselves, well, it made Grandma feel some kind of way.
All right, baby, no.
Listen, listen, listen.
You're a young lady now, and you need your privacy.
Huh? Before you and Jack grow up to be little weirdos the family doesn't bring to cookouts.
[Chuckles.]
Well, you've never been a twin before, so of course you don't understand our bond.
[Sighs.]
Look, me and Jack, we're like bacon and eggs.
Or you and shoplifting.
What? What's that you're saying? Hey, don't act brand-new.
Yeah.
Grandma, I love you, but I think you're making a big deal out of nothing.
[Jack clears throat.]
Toss me the coconut oil, please.
I'm trying to make my triceps pop.
RUBY: Little weirdos the family doesn't bring to cookouts.
[Sighs.]
Whoa.
What's wrong, Dre? Are two rappers you care for "beefin'"? No.
Junior came back from college after two days.
Ah, one of those Doogie Howser types, huh? [Chuckles.]
Where's he going to grad school at? My alma mater? Real College University? No.
He's taking a gap year.
What? That's great news! Dre, a gap year is an awesome opportunity to sow some wild oats, see the world, and become the men we were meant to be.
Of course, I didn't get to do any of that because I was in a full-body cast due to Mono.
That's not how mono works.
No, no.
Mono was an Italian bully.
Yeah, put me in the hospital day one of my gap year.
Mm.
Okay, look, so you guys think gap years are okay? - Oh, yeah, they're great! - Mm-hmm.
For us.
But not great for you guys.
Look, you should absolutely be worried if Junior is thinking about taking a gap year because according to a recent study, if he does, he's going to be homeless.
What are you talking about? Oh, this is outstanding.
For the past five years, I've been an unwilling party to you dropping knowledge.
Well, guess what.
- Hmm? - Now it's my turn.
And, spoiler alert, what I'm about to tell you has nothing to do with slavery! Ah.
Okay.
As I was saying, a recent study showed that rich, young white males are more likely to stay well-to-do, while rich, young black males are more likely to become poor than they are to stay rich.
There are a variety of potential causes for this imbalanced incarceration rates, employment bias, and discriminatory housing policies, to name a few.
But, really, it all stems from institutionalized racism reaching back into America's past as a slave-holding Damn it! Slavery affects everything! - Aw.
- [Sighs.]
It's almost like we need to keep talking about it.
[Groans.]
All roads lead to slavery.
Except for the 5 Freeway.
That'd, uh, take you to Portland.
Unless you're going south.
That goes straight to slavery.
Okay, so your point is, as hard as I've worked, my son is still not safe? I cannot let him take his foot off the gas.
Exactly.
No gaps in the résumé.
You do not want to give an excuse for me and my brethren not to hire him.
- JOSH: Mm.
- I once took a morning off for a dental appointment.
Didn't work for three years after that.
The next time I did work, all my suits were out of fashion.
And it left me with a gang of buttons.
Ugh.
DRE: Stevens freaked me out.
Hopefully, Bow was making some progress in getting Junior back to college.
Knock, knock.
Oh.
Hey, Mom.
How are you doing? - Where's Dad? - It's just me.
Oh, thank God, because I think I'm freaking out, Mom.
I thought I was ready, but then I got to school, and I was not ready! Fam, you don't have a major? Nah, I was just gonna take some classes and figure it out.
Well, have you chosen an adviser? Uh Yo, son, are you serious right now? You have to pick the right professor because they're gonna set you up with the right internship.
Bong, job.
Bong, career.
Bong, paper! You're wild for the night, son.
Why'd he keep saying "bong"? I don't know.
That freaked me out, too.
Sweetheart, I know.
It's just It was It's such a scary city, with all those noisy cars and roommates with beards that connect.
- Yeah.
- Oof.
But it's just nerves.
It's gonna pass.
It's not nerves, and it wasn't just Marques.
I mean, being there made me realize I have no idea what I want.
And I think I need some time to figure it out.
That's what the four years of college is for.
No, I-I need a gap year.
- Do you? - I do.
- Do you, though? - I-I do.
- Do you? - Yes.
O-Okay.
Okay, so you want to take some time, potench.
So, what's the plan? I-I don't really have one.
Okay.
Well, I It totally makes sense to me that you would leave one plan for no plan, but, you know you know how your father is.
I mean, he is the plan guy.
I mean, he's gonna be like, "What is the plan?! What's the plan?!" [Growls.]
[Laughs.]
Right? So, do you have, like, a um, like, a notion, or, like, an inkling? I I would settle for an inkling.
Like, pbht.
I got nothing.
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
So I came home hoping Bow had good news.
- [Door closes.]
- Um Uh, Junior has no plan.
Huh.
- Well, then, he's gonna be homeless.
- [Scoffs.]
What do you mean there's no plan? Junior has no plan.
I'll tell you what the plan is.
He's taking his ass back to college.
- Damn skippy he is.
- Mm-hmm.
How do you think this looks? - I'm Dr.
Rainbow Johnson.
- Yes, you are.
- I went to Brown University.
- Oh, you let us all know.
- I went to USC Medical School.
- Oh.
- People know my name.
- Mm-hmm.
- I have a reputation to uphold.
- Mm-hmm.
My kids go to college.
Yeah, they do! - Wa Wait a minute.
- Mm.
- Even Jack? - You know what? It's important we just get the first few over the net.
You know what? I Junior is taking his ass - back to college, all right? - Mm-hmm.
Because our ancestors did not cross that river - so he could take a gap year.
- I agree.
My parents couldn't go to college, so they busted they ass so I could, and now it's being handed to Junior on a silver platter and he doesn't want it?! What are we gonna do? - Oh, I - What are we gonna do? I tell you what I'ma do.
I'ma go up there, and I'ma snatch his ass, and I'ma take him to the airport, and I'ma put him on the red-eye.
I'll even spring for the in-flight Wi-Fi so his ass can be cyberbullied on the way back to college! - It's very expensive.
- Okay, you guys need to chill.
Junior's over 18 now.
He can do what he wants.
No, I mean, look at me for example.
I could be headed to Tijuana right now to buy cheap amphetamine salts.
Are you joking? [Chuckles.]
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but that's not the point.
The point is, what are you gonna do about it? You know, I'm over 18.
We're gonna on that one.
But she is right.
Junior is 18.
He's a man.
Then maybe I should talk to him like a man.
- Yeah.
- Where's my passport? Unbelievable.
[Video game music.]
Hey, want to wrestle? Whoa, um, how about some privacy, please? Oh.
Uh, o-okay.
M-My bad.
Do you think it's weird that we still share a room? What? Of course not.
We're twins.
That's what I told Grandma.
She thinks we need our "own space" now.
What does she know? Most of her siblings didn't even survive intimacy.
I think you mean infancy, friend.
And that's exactly why I need you around.
Yeah.
- Well, I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Oh, bring me some popcorn.
- Want some popcorn? See? Look at us.
Oh, is it my turn yet? Yeah.
I died a long time ago.
Dude.
Is that a real bra? You're so lucky that you get to share a room with a girl.
Ew.
She's my sister.
I hate to tell you this, buddy but your sister's a girl.
[Chuckles.]
For the first time ever, I realized Bow was right.
Junior was a man now, and maybe the way to get him back to college was to treat him like one.
Hey, son.
How's it going? No need for pleasantries.
You can get straight to screaming.
Nope.
Unh-unh.
You know, I realize I've been coming at you like a boy when you are a grown man now.
So I'm gonna treat you as such from here on out.
[Scoffs.]
I'm still under 21, Dad.
It's okay, son.
You can have one.
Take it.
[Grunting.]
All right, yeah, son, son, son.
Just It's okay.
Don't strain yourself.
I got it.
Uh, listen.
Man to man, your mother and I have, uh invested a lot.
Raising you cost us a pretty penny.
You ran the numbers? Ah.
I low-balled it.
I didn't want to seem petty and count up the booster shots and the air-conditioning and all that Zyrtec you seem to need.
Uh, why is there a "resort fee"? I've seen you in that pool.
But the point is, man, if you don't go back, you will be throwing all of that away.
Listen, Dad.
I am, uh I'm really thankful for everything that you and Mom have done for me.
But if I go to college before I'm ready, won't I just be wasting more of your money by being aimless? Okay.
Then let's take money out of it.
Shouldn't a man be concerned about the example that he sets for his younger siblings? I don't know.
Isn't, uh, taking a minute and trying to figure out where I'm going actually setting a good example? Okay.
But a man has to realize that an opportunity like this may not last forever.
A man's scholarship could be gone once he finally decides to return to school.
A man has to strike while the iron is hot! Man.
Well, I've, uh, already done the paperwork, so my scholarship's safe.
There's basically no reason for me not to do this now.
You are not a [bleep.]
man, boy.
You are a kid.
A kid who's gonna go back to school because I say so.
I'm not going back, Dad! All right.
Either you go back or you're gonna have to find you another place to stay.
Fine.
Then I guess I'll find someplace else to stay.
Fine.
Find someplace else to stay.
- Well [sighs.]
- RAINBOW: Yeah? I solved it.
He's going back to college? No.
I told him either go back to school or move out, and he chose to move out.
What?! You can't kick my baby out! Baby? You're the one that said he was a man.
Of course he's not a man, Dre! God.
We got to do something.
[Chuckles.]
Not me.
I don't believe in what he's doing.
I don't believe in half of the stuff you do, and I'm not kicking you out! - What if he never goes back, Bow? - [Groans.]
I don't know where I would've been without college.
When I was a kid walking through my neighborhood, the only jobs I thought you could have were a postman, a barber, or a bus driver.
Hey, all of them are good.
But college taught me that the world was much bigger than my block.
He knows that, dummy.
Look, the boy grew up different from how you did, just like you grew up different from how I did, and now he's traveling down a road that you've never even been on before.
You ought to be glad that Junior has the opportunity to do it his way.
My brother and sister did it their way, and they are still spinning.
I don't want that for Junior.
You guys, he's a scared kid, and I'm just trying to protect him from making a bad decision.
Here's what I know.
Your scared kid was brave enough to sit with you and be honest about feeling a little bit lost.
And he stood up to you just now when you tried to bully him.
I think that that strong, honest young man you both raised has earned a little bit of trust.
Are you saying you agree with the gap year? Hell no.
That still sound like some white [bleep.]
to me.
But you owe it to him to see this through.
I guess he's right.
I know I'm right.
Besides, living here rent-free has really helped me find myself.
Well, now that he's found it, can he leave? [Laughs.]
Jack, you have to come look at this.
It's hilarious.
This guy just starts crying when an alligator grabs his arm.
Come on.
[Man crying.]
I-I'm good.
What's wrong? I've been thinking about what you were saying before, and maybe Grandma was right about us needing a little privacy.
Oh.
Right.
Maybe i-it wouldn't kill us to try something new.
You know, keep things fresh.
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
I mean, we'd see each other around the house.
- Yeah.
- There's always the hallway.
The backyard's not going anywhere.
Can't use the pool, though.
Dad's keeping track.
[Both laugh.]
This is the right thing to do, right? Yeah.
It is.
So see you around? [Sighs.]
See you around, friend.
Mm-hmm.
Grandma gets results.
Ain't that right, baby? [Chuckles.]
Hey.
Can we talk? You know, uh, I've been thinking, and you can stay here until you go back to school.
No.
You were right.
If I'm gonna do this, I have to take responsibility for my actions.
'Cause I'm a man.
- [Quietly.]
That's my baby.
Dre.
- Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Son.
Son, um I want you to stay.
And if you have some things that you need to work out, - I'd rather you do it here.
- Right here.
You know what? I don't even know if I'm comfortable here, Dad.
What? Your words hurt.
They were supposed to.
- Dr - I mean Hey, look.
Son, I'm sorry I hurt you.
All right? But I really want you to stay here.
I still don't know.
Oh, please.
We are begging you.
I don't know if he is.
I'm not begging you.
Okay, when you showed me those numbers, the thing that you charged me the most for was your time.
- I'm an important man! - Dre, you beg him.
- I I can't - Beg him, beg him.
- [Growls.]
- [Sternly.]
Beg him.
Junior please stay.
I beg you.
[Whispers.]
You had me at "Junior.
" Aww, that's so sweet.
- Bring it in, big guy.
- Go on, hug it out.
Family hug! Ohh.
So, Junior was back at home, - and Diane finally got her own room - Ah-ha.
- at Junior's expense.
- [Laughs.]
But we came up with an elegant solution.
What? - You moved in? - Yup.
And there's some new ground rules around here, homey.
Is that a toothbrush? Used to be.
Starting now, we wake up at 8:00, we lift at 9:00 in the yard.
But I-I-I have I have school at 8:00.
Not me.
I took a gap year.
Or if he's even gonna make it in life at all.
And then you're surprised when they do.
That's right.
Junior was finally ready to get his higher learning on at my alma mater, of all places, Howard University.
Now, it's always tough to drop a kid off at college, but this was Junior, so Now, we want a tight hospital corner.
- Yep.
- Why is he tucking in his comforter? The man loves a nice swaddle.
Okay, everybody, you've already said your goodbyes.
Come on.
We got some sight-seeing to do the Lincoln Memorial, the African-American History Museum.
Let's go! Oh, I'd love to go to those places.
Ooh, those are tourist spots, and you live here now, so no.
And, Junior, you be careful out here, all right? And remember, you can make a shank out of pretty much anything.
That's right.
Black people - human-traffic black people, too.
- Yeah.
- That's true.
- JUNIOR: Don't worry, guys.
Me and Marques are cool.
I mean, he's from Brooklyn, so, you know, he's teaching me to talk like him.
[Brooklyn accent.]
Ay, yo, sweetheart.
You want to go get a bagel? And maybe go see a Broadway play? [Laughter.]
So, you're gonna grow your virginity back? [Chuckles.]
That is hilarious.
- All right, come on, guys.
Let's go.
- Okay.
- Let's go.
- Is there anything else you think you need for your dorm room? Seriously, like, Febreeze, or more towels, maybe - maybe some more hugs from Mommy? - No, no more hugs.
Let's go! Can't keep Lincoln waiting! - Hey, son.
- Never get enough hugs.
- See you in four years.
- But Thanksgiving - I said four years.
- I am so proud of you.
- Okay, yeah.
Uh-huh, yeah.
- You are a champion! - Thank God we're finally home.
- Huh.
That was the longest flight ever.
Well, not for me.
I popped a couple of Ambien.
I was fine.
You tried to open the flight door.
Almost got it open, too.
[Chuckles.]
My baby's strong.
We dropped 10,000 feet in 5 seconds.
- Nobody put my mask on.
- You survived.
Junior had left the nest, but the Johnson family hadn't skipped a beat.
And you know what? Maybe I was even gonna miss him a little bit.
Oh, um hey, Dad.
Or maybe I wasn't.
What the hell? What are you doing home? How the hell did you get home? I used the emergency credit card to book a flight.
Well, what's the emergency? Wasn't really feeling college right now.
What the Not to brag, but I predicted this on Twitter three days ago.
Go! - I'm a prophet.
- Okay.
Everybody, relax.
- I decided to take a gap year.
- A gap year? What the hell is that? I took a gap year once with The Gap Band.
[Chuckles.]
Charlie Wilson dropped a bomb on me, baby.
- Mama - Huh.
A gap year is when a kid takes a year before going off to college.
It's pretty common, actually.
Everyone that I know that's taken a gap year is some rich kid who turns out to be a ski bum.
Is this some white [bleep.]
? Everything around here is some white [bleep.]
.
Pops, it is not some white stuff.
For the record, Malia Obama took a gap year.
- You are not Malia Obama, fool! - Okay.
Okay, okay.
Let's just calm down.
We can regroup on all of this tomorrow.
We're just a little little jet-lagged.
I know I was yesterday.
Junior.
Go.
So you're just gonna let him off the hook like that? [Scoffs.]
Dre.
Come on.
He's scared.
And yelling at someone when they're scared only makes them more scared.
Stop being scared! Monsters feed off of fear! You are monster food right now.
[Sighs.]
But I like yelling at the kids.
Yeah, I know, and you're the best at it.
Mm.
But he needs his mom right now.
- Okay? - Okay.
He's just got cold feet, sweetie.
Just trust me.
I'm gonna get him to go back to school.
Oh, wait a minute.
So [chuckles.]
that's your move? The spokesperson for soft is gonna toughen up my grandkid? We literally just brought you to D.
C.
and paid for everything.
Museums are free.
Uh-huh.
Junior's gonna be okay, right? Oh, no.
But at least he made it a lot harder for us to disappoint our parents.
Hey.
- Good night, Grandma.
- Good night, Grandma.
Good night, babies.
[Door closes.]
Hmm.
No, that ain't right.
What's so important that couldn't wait till morning? Watching you and Jack walk into that room together and shut the door behind yourselves, well, it made Grandma feel some kind of way.
All right, baby, no.
Listen, listen, listen.
You're a young lady now, and you need your privacy.
Huh? Before you and Jack grow up to be little weirdos the family doesn't bring to cookouts.
[Chuckles.]
Well, you've never been a twin before, so of course you don't understand our bond.
[Sighs.]
Look, me and Jack, we're like bacon and eggs.
Or you and shoplifting.
What? What's that you're saying? Hey, don't act brand-new.
Yeah.
Grandma, I love you, but I think you're making a big deal out of nothing.
[Jack clears throat.]
Toss me the coconut oil, please.
I'm trying to make my triceps pop.
RUBY: Little weirdos the family doesn't bring to cookouts.
[Sighs.]
Whoa.
What's wrong, Dre? Are two rappers you care for "beefin'"? No.
Junior came back from college after two days.
Ah, one of those Doogie Howser types, huh? [Chuckles.]
Where's he going to grad school at? My alma mater? Real College University? No.
He's taking a gap year.
What? That's great news! Dre, a gap year is an awesome opportunity to sow some wild oats, see the world, and become the men we were meant to be.
Of course, I didn't get to do any of that because I was in a full-body cast due to Mono.
That's not how mono works.
No, no.
Mono was an Italian bully.
Yeah, put me in the hospital day one of my gap year.
Mm.
Okay, look, so you guys think gap years are okay? - Oh, yeah, they're great! - Mm-hmm.
For us.
But not great for you guys.
Look, you should absolutely be worried if Junior is thinking about taking a gap year because according to a recent study, if he does, he's going to be homeless.
What are you talking about? Oh, this is outstanding.
For the past five years, I've been an unwilling party to you dropping knowledge.
Well, guess what.
- Hmm? - Now it's my turn.
And, spoiler alert, what I'm about to tell you has nothing to do with slavery! Ah.
Okay.
As I was saying, a recent study showed that rich, young white males are more likely to stay well-to-do, while rich, young black males are more likely to become poor than they are to stay rich.
There are a variety of potential causes for this imbalanced incarceration rates, employment bias, and discriminatory housing policies, to name a few.
But, really, it all stems from institutionalized racism reaching back into America's past as a slave-holding Damn it! Slavery affects everything! - Aw.
- [Sighs.]
It's almost like we need to keep talking about it.
[Groans.]
All roads lead to slavery.
Except for the 5 Freeway.
That'd, uh, take you to Portland.
Unless you're going south.
That goes straight to slavery.
Okay, so your point is, as hard as I've worked, my son is still not safe? I cannot let him take his foot off the gas.
Exactly.
No gaps in the résumé.
You do not want to give an excuse for me and my brethren not to hire him.
- JOSH: Mm.
- I once took a morning off for a dental appointment.
Didn't work for three years after that.
The next time I did work, all my suits were out of fashion.
And it left me with a gang of buttons.
Ugh.
DRE: Stevens freaked me out.
Hopefully, Bow was making some progress in getting Junior back to college.
Knock, knock.
Oh.
Hey, Mom.
How are you doing? - Where's Dad? - It's just me.
Oh, thank God, because I think I'm freaking out, Mom.
I thought I was ready, but then I got to school, and I was not ready! Fam, you don't have a major? Nah, I was just gonna take some classes and figure it out.
Well, have you chosen an adviser? Uh Yo, son, are you serious right now? You have to pick the right professor because they're gonna set you up with the right internship.
Bong, job.
Bong, career.
Bong, paper! You're wild for the night, son.
Why'd he keep saying "bong"? I don't know.
That freaked me out, too.
Sweetheart, I know.
It's just It was It's such a scary city, with all those noisy cars and roommates with beards that connect.
- Yeah.
- Oof.
But it's just nerves.
It's gonna pass.
It's not nerves, and it wasn't just Marques.
I mean, being there made me realize I have no idea what I want.
And I think I need some time to figure it out.
That's what the four years of college is for.
No, I-I need a gap year.
- Do you? - I do.
- Do you, though? - I-I do.
- Do you? - Yes.
O-Okay.
Okay, so you want to take some time, potench.
So, what's the plan? I-I don't really have one.
Okay.
Well, I It totally makes sense to me that you would leave one plan for no plan, but, you know you know how your father is.
I mean, he is the plan guy.
I mean, he's gonna be like, "What is the plan?! What's the plan?!" [Growls.]
[Laughs.]
Right? So, do you have, like, a um, like, a notion, or, like, an inkling? I I would settle for an inkling.
Like, pbht.
I got nothing.
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
So I came home hoping Bow had good news.
- [Door closes.]
- Um Uh, Junior has no plan.
Huh.
- Well, then, he's gonna be homeless.
- [Scoffs.]
What do you mean there's no plan? Junior has no plan.
I'll tell you what the plan is.
He's taking his ass back to college.
- Damn skippy he is.
- Mm-hmm.
How do you think this looks? - I'm Dr.
Rainbow Johnson.
- Yes, you are.
- I went to Brown University.
- Oh, you let us all know.
- I went to USC Medical School.
- Oh.
- People know my name.
- Mm-hmm.
- I have a reputation to uphold.
- Mm-hmm.
My kids go to college.
Yeah, they do! - Wa Wait a minute.
- Mm.
- Even Jack? - You know what? It's important we just get the first few over the net.
You know what? I Junior is taking his ass - back to college, all right? - Mm-hmm.
Because our ancestors did not cross that river - so he could take a gap year.
- I agree.
My parents couldn't go to college, so they busted they ass so I could, and now it's being handed to Junior on a silver platter and he doesn't want it?! What are we gonna do? - Oh, I - What are we gonna do? I tell you what I'ma do.
I'ma go up there, and I'ma snatch his ass, and I'ma take him to the airport, and I'ma put him on the red-eye.
I'll even spring for the in-flight Wi-Fi so his ass can be cyberbullied on the way back to college! - It's very expensive.
- Okay, you guys need to chill.
Junior's over 18 now.
He can do what he wants.
No, I mean, look at me for example.
I could be headed to Tijuana right now to buy cheap amphetamine salts.
Are you joking? [Chuckles.]
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but that's not the point.
The point is, what are you gonna do about it? You know, I'm over 18.
We're gonna on that one.
But she is right.
Junior is 18.
He's a man.
Then maybe I should talk to him like a man.
- Yeah.
- Where's my passport? Unbelievable.
[Video game music.]
Hey, want to wrestle? Whoa, um, how about some privacy, please? Oh.
Uh, o-okay.
M-My bad.
Do you think it's weird that we still share a room? What? Of course not.
We're twins.
That's what I told Grandma.
She thinks we need our "own space" now.
What does she know? Most of her siblings didn't even survive intimacy.
I think you mean infancy, friend.
And that's exactly why I need you around.
Yeah.
- Well, I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Oh, bring me some popcorn.
- Want some popcorn? See? Look at us.
Oh, is it my turn yet? Yeah.
I died a long time ago.
Dude.
Is that a real bra? You're so lucky that you get to share a room with a girl.
Ew.
She's my sister.
I hate to tell you this, buddy but your sister's a girl.
[Chuckles.]
For the first time ever, I realized Bow was right.
Junior was a man now, and maybe the way to get him back to college was to treat him like one.
Hey, son.
How's it going? No need for pleasantries.
You can get straight to screaming.
Nope.
Unh-unh.
You know, I realize I've been coming at you like a boy when you are a grown man now.
So I'm gonna treat you as such from here on out.
[Scoffs.]
I'm still under 21, Dad.
It's okay, son.
You can have one.
Take it.
[Grunting.]
All right, yeah, son, son, son.
Just It's okay.
Don't strain yourself.
I got it.
Uh, listen.
Man to man, your mother and I have, uh invested a lot.
Raising you cost us a pretty penny.
You ran the numbers? Ah.
I low-balled it.
I didn't want to seem petty and count up the booster shots and the air-conditioning and all that Zyrtec you seem to need.
Uh, why is there a "resort fee"? I've seen you in that pool.
But the point is, man, if you don't go back, you will be throwing all of that away.
Listen, Dad.
I am, uh I'm really thankful for everything that you and Mom have done for me.
But if I go to college before I'm ready, won't I just be wasting more of your money by being aimless? Okay.
Then let's take money out of it.
Shouldn't a man be concerned about the example that he sets for his younger siblings? I don't know.
Isn't, uh, taking a minute and trying to figure out where I'm going actually setting a good example? Okay.
But a man has to realize that an opportunity like this may not last forever.
A man's scholarship could be gone once he finally decides to return to school.
A man has to strike while the iron is hot! Man.
Well, I've, uh, already done the paperwork, so my scholarship's safe.
There's basically no reason for me not to do this now.
You are not a [bleep.]
man, boy.
You are a kid.
A kid who's gonna go back to school because I say so.
I'm not going back, Dad! All right.
Either you go back or you're gonna have to find you another place to stay.
Fine.
Then I guess I'll find someplace else to stay.
Fine.
Find someplace else to stay.
- Well [sighs.]
- RAINBOW: Yeah? I solved it.
He's going back to college? No.
I told him either go back to school or move out, and he chose to move out.
What?! You can't kick my baby out! Baby? You're the one that said he was a man.
Of course he's not a man, Dre! God.
We got to do something.
[Chuckles.]
Not me.
I don't believe in what he's doing.
I don't believe in half of the stuff you do, and I'm not kicking you out! - What if he never goes back, Bow? - [Groans.]
I don't know where I would've been without college.
When I was a kid walking through my neighborhood, the only jobs I thought you could have were a postman, a barber, or a bus driver.
Hey, all of them are good.
But college taught me that the world was much bigger than my block.
He knows that, dummy.
Look, the boy grew up different from how you did, just like you grew up different from how I did, and now he's traveling down a road that you've never even been on before.
You ought to be glad that Junior has the opportunity to do it his way.
My brother and sister did it their way, and they are still spinning.
I don't want that for Junior.
You guys, he's a scared kid, and I'm just trying to protect him from making a bad decision.
Here's what I know.
Your scared kid was brave enough to sit with you and be honest about feeling a little bit lost.
And he stood up to you just now when you tried to bully him.
I think that that strong, honest young man you both raised has earned a little bit of trust.
Are you saying you agree with the gap year? Hell no.
That still sound like some white [bleep.]
to me.
But you owe it to him to see this through.
I guess he's right.
I know I'm right.
Besides, living here rent-free has really helped me find myself.
Well, now that he's found it, can he leave? [Laughs.]
Jack, you have to come look at this.
It's hilarious.
This guy just starts crying when an alligator grabs his arm.
Come on.
[Man crying.]
I-I'm good.
What's wrong? I've been thinking about what you were saying before, and maybe Grandma was right about us needing a little privacy.
Oh.
Right.
Maybe i-it wouldn't kill us to try something new.
You know, keep things fresh.
Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
I mean, we'd see each other around the house.
- Yeah.
- There's always the hallway.
The backyard's not going anywhere.
Can't use the pool, though.
Dad's keeping track.
[Both laugh.]
This is the right thing to do, right? Yeah.
It is.
So see you around? [Sighs.]
See you around, friend.
Mm-hmm.
Grandma gets results.
Ain't that right, baby? [Chuckles.]
Hey.
Can we talk? You know, uh, I've been thinking, and you can stay here until you go back to school.
No.
You were right.
If I'm gonna do this, I have to take responsibility for my actions.
'Cause I'm a man.
- [Quietly.]
That's my baby.
Dre.
- Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Son.
Son, um I want you to stay.
And if you have some things that you need to work out, - I'd rather you do it here.
- Right here.
You know what? I don't even know if I'm comfortable here, Dad.
What? Your words hurt.
They were supposed to.
- Dr - I mean Hey, look.
Son, I'm sorry I hurt you.
All right? But I really want you to stay here.
I still don't know.
Oh, please.
We are begging you.
I don't know if he is.
I'm not begging you.
Okay, when you showed me those numbers, the thing that you charged me the most for was your time.
- I'm an important man! - Dre, you beg him.
- I I can't - Beg him, beg him.
- [Growls.]
- [Sternly.]
Beg him.
Junior please stay.
I beg you.
[Whispers.]
You had me at "Junior.
" Aww, that's so sweet.
- Bring it in, big guy.
- Go on, hug it out.
Family hug! Ohh.
So, Junior was back at home, - and Diane finally got her own room - Ah-ha.
- at Junior's expense.
- [Laughs.]
But we came up with an elegant solution.
What? - You moved in? - Yup.
And there's some new ground rules around here, homey.
Is that a toothbrush? Used to be.
Starting now, we wake up at 8:00, we lift at 9:00 in the yard.
But I-I-I have I have school at 8:00.
Not me.
I took a gap year.