Friends s05e01 Episode Script

Friends, family, we're gathered to celebrate the joyous union of Ross and Emily.
Now, Ross, repeat after me.
"l, Ross.
" I, Ross.
"Take thee, Emily.
" Take thee, Rachel.
Shall I go on? He said, "Rachel," right? Do you think I should go up there? Yes.
Yes.
Do go on.
I think we'd better start again.
Repeat after me.
"l, Ross.
" I, Ross.
"Take thee, Emily.
" Take thee, Emily.
Like there'd be anybody else.
"As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death parts us.
" As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health until death parts us.
Really, I do.
Emily.
Do you have the rings? Place this ring on Ross' finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting.
Ross, place this ring on Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Happy to.
They have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
Just keep smiling.
Well, that went well.
It could've been worse.
He could've shot her.
That was pretty funny, wasn't it? The One After Ross Says "Rachel" You spoiled everything! It's a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them? No matter what happens with them we still get cake, right? That's all right.
You take your time.
I'll be right out here.
She's just fixing her makeup.
I hate you! And I love you! A bad time to say the wrong name, huh? That's true.
Thanks, Dad.
People should be dancing.
This is a party! Come on! Joey! Dance! Yes, Waltham lnteriors.
This is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr.
Filangie.
Who? I discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine.
Without it, in the brain of Ross women's names are interchangeable.
Through no fault of his own.
Oh, my God! Phoebe.
No, not Phoebe.
Dr.
Filangie.
Oh, no! You have it too! What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor? I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I know we had plans to meet up tonight.
I'm worried about what it might do to our friendship.
I know.
-How could we have let this happen? -Seven times! You know, look.
We were away.
In a foreign, romantic country.
I blame London.
Bad London! So look while we're still in London, we can keep doing it, right? Well, I don't see that we have a choice.
But when we're back home, we don't do it.
Only here.
You know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs.
I'll meet you there in two minutes.
Mon? I gotta ask you something.
Now? Ross said my name.
I can't just pretend it didn't happen.
I don't know.
Monica, what should I do? Just do the right thing.
What? Tow the line! Thread the needle! Think outside the box! I'll talk to Ross about what he thinks it meant.
Wait! Rachel, no.
He's married.
Married.
If you don't realize that, I can't help you.
Okay.
You're right.
You're right.
You can't help me.
Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents? Who serves steak when there's no place to sit? How are you supposed to eat this? Hey, what's up? You and me, next dance? Sorry, dear, I only dance when I'm drunk.
Want me to get you something? We were supposed to meet.
-Forget it.
That's off.
-Why? The next tour of the wine cellar will commence in two minutes.
Joey, what are you doing? You promised, no meat till Phoebe has the babies.
We're in another country, so it doesn't count.
-True.
-He's got a point.
I'm sorry things aren't working out.
It could be better.
It'll be okay, right? Oh, yeah! Of course.
She'll get over this.
So you said my name.
You just said it because you saw me there.
If you'd seen a circus freak, you would've said: "l take thee, Circus Freak.
" It didn't mean anything.
It's a mistake.
It didn't mean anything.
Right? Oh, no! Of course it didn't mean anything.
I can understand why Emily thought it meant something because it was you.
But it absolutely didn't.
It didn't! It didn't! The band's ready for your first dance with Emily.
Oh! The band's ready! We've got to do what the band says.
I don't care about the stupid band! You spit on me, man! I'm sorry.
Emily is taking kind of a long time.
When I locked myself up at my wedding I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
Get the hell out of there.
You know? I'm coming in! Oh, look at that.
Same thing.
In the middle of everything, if I scream, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
-Oh, my God! Rachel! -Oh, hello, Rachel.
Ross said my name.
Okay? My name! Ross said my name up there.
That obviously means he still loves me! Don't believe me.
I know I'm right.
Do you guys want to go and get a drink? Yes, we do.
But we have to change first.
Yes, I want to change.
-Go get a table.
-We'll only be five minutes.
Fifteen minutes.
Oh, Phoebe! It's Phoebe! -Oh, hey, hey.
-Oh, great.
So, what happened? Well, Ross said my name.
But I don't think that means anything.
Let's look at this objectively.
Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts.
Then he sees me in a two-piece for the first time.
His obsession begins to grow, right? Why don't we go change in my room? My clothes are.
Wow, you look No time for that.
Hey, dude! Let me in! I got a girl out here! I got a girl in here! No, you don't.
I saw you go in with Monica.
Well, we're hanging out.
Which one of us will be having sex in there? Me or you? I suppose I would have to say you.
-What if we're watching a movie? -Which we are! And we've paid for it.
It's My Giant.
My Giant? I love that movie! Think this is okay? Well, Ross and Emily aren't going to use it.
Oh, it's so beautiful! I don't feel right about this.
This is the honeymoon suite.
The room expects sex.
The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex.
All the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Nope! Not under here! -You didn't find her? -I've looked everywhere.
You couldn't have, or you would've found her.
-Keep looking! -Yeah! For about 30 minutes? Or 45? In 45 minutes, you could find her twice.
For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't, because I kept moving.
From now on, I'm staying in one place.
Right here.
-It's getting late.
-We're going to go.
Do you guys mind staying here for a while? We've got to get up early and catch that plane.
Yeah, it's a very large plane.
That's cool.
But we'll stay here with you.
Thanks, guys! I really appreciate this, but you don't need to rub my butt.
We have to leave in an hour.
I know.
I've been looking at those doors.
They look pretty soundproof, don't you think? We can't do that.
That's insane.
I mean, A, he could wake up.
And B, you know Iet's go for it.
Nope.
-She's not with us.
-We've come for her things.
Where is she? She's in hiding.
She's humiliated.
She doesn't want to see you again.
We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey.
But I think you're absolutely delicious! Excuse me, I'm standing right here.
Oh, yes.
There you are.
Hurry up! Get some! There's a whole cart outside.
Goodbye, Geller.
Now, hold on.
Hold on.
Your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon.
Tell her I'll be at that airport, and I hope she will too.
I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything.
She's just a friend.
Tell Emily I love her and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.
Please, promise me that you'll tell her that.
All right, I'll tell her.
Come on, bugger face! Call me.
You spend your life in the bathroom.
Why do you never go out the window? Maybe it's best we never got to do it again.
Yeah, it kind of makes that one night special.
Technically, we still are over international waters.
I'm going to the bathroom.
Maybe I'll see you there? Can I ask you something? Felicity and I watched My Giant.
And I thought: "I'll never be as good an actor as that giant.
" Do you think I'm wasting my life with this acting thing? The giant's five years younger than me.
You think I'll ever get there? -Thanks, man.
-Okay, man.
But what about how much taller he is than me? I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now.
Who knows what science will come up with in the future but what if I die an unsuccessful, regular-size man? You've been in the bathroom for a half-hour.
I know! Had the beef tips, huh? You ate meat! You had sex! No, we didn't.
I know you didn't.
I was talking about Monica.
I did not have sex.
This pregnancy is throwing me all off and making me fat.
-I'll say hi to the chick and duck.
-Me too! Why would you need to? You've been feeding them.
Oh, right.
Maybe I'll just go home.
We certainly are alone.
Good thing we have that "not New York" rule.
Listen, since we're on that subject I just wanted to tell you that.
I was going through a hard time in London with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross' mother.
Well, anyway, I just.
That night meant a lot to me.
And I'm trying to say thanks.
You know, that night meant a lot to me too.
It wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything.
It just meant a lot because you're really hot.
Is that okay? That's okay.
And I'm cute too? And you're cute too! Thank you.
All right, I gotta go unpack.
I'm still on London time.
Does that count? -Oh, that counts! -Oh, good! What are you doing here? I've been on standby for a flight home for hours.
So no sign of Emily? Not yet.
When do you have to leave? This is the last call for flight 1066 to A thens.
The last call.
Pretty soon, I guess.
I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
How could she do this? Am I a complete idiot for thinking she'd actually show up? You're not an idiot, Ross.
You're a guy very much in love.
Same difference.
All passengers for flight 1066 to Athens should now be onboard.
I get it! Well, that's that.
No, you know what? I think you should go.
I think you should go by yourself.
Get some distance.
Clear your head.
It would be really good.
I don't know.
Come on.
It would be really good for you.
I could do that.
I can't even believe her.
You know what? I am going to go.
-Good.
-Why not? -Right? -Right.
Thanks.
I'll see you back at home.
If I ever get a flight out of here.
What? Wait, what? Why don't you come? I mean, I have two tickets.
Why not? Well, I don't know, Ross.
Really? Yeah.
It'd be great.
I mean, you can.
You can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage.
You see how I make jokes? Really.
I mean.
I could use a friend.
Oh, wow.
Maybe.
Yes, I can do that! -Cool.
-All right, cool.
Okay, we're going to Greece.
I forgot my jacket! Well, you tell them to wait.
Wait! Wait! I'll have a glass of Merlot and he'll have a wine spritzer.
Look! The airport's moving.
Are we moving? Are we? Why are we moving? Does the captain know that we're moving? Oh, my gosh!