Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e01 Episode Script

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and friends. (rapid drumbeats)
- We're.
- We're.
- Ready.
- (Crowd) Ready.
- (Garfield) To.
- (Crowd) To.
- Party!
We're ready to party
We're ready
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
I'm scared
Come on in, come to the place ♪
Where fun never ends
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Dancing
Fiesta
Romancing
Siesta
Samba
La Bamba
Ay, caramba
Disguises
Disguises
Surprises
Surprises
And pies of
And pies of all sizes
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- (Garfield) If you like this show, tell a friend.
If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff.
(upbeat music)
(cheery music)
- Garfield, I'll be in the tub.
Ah, nothing like a nice, hot bathtub full of--
Why are there noodles in my bathtub?
(sniffing)
(slurping)
This is chicken broth.
- You better have a darn good excuse for ruining my soup.
- Garfield!
Make soup in my bathtub, will you?
Hey, hey, don't do that!
(woman screaming)
(laughing)
Haha, my cat stole my towel.
I'm sorry, I know, oh gee.
(sighs)
- That's what you get for bathing in my gumbo.
- I'll tend to you after I drain the bathtub
and take a shower.
- Boy, so much for creative cooking around this house.
- Your chicken soup isn't draining, Garfield.
I'm going to have to call a plumber.
- Is it my fault your pipes don't like deli food?
(bathtub bubbling)
- Can I come in to watch you work, Mr. Swindler?
- No!
Mr. Arbernuckle, you can't watch a great artist
when he's creating.
- But you're a plumber.
- Well, it's an art to me.
(cheery music)
(tools ticking)
- Gee, sounds like he's really working hard in there.
(flushing)
(drilling)
(squeaking)
- Boy, things you gotta do to make a buck these days.
(tools clicking)
- Mr. Swindler?
What's going on in there?
- Almost done, Mr. Arbinky.
Here's the problem, Mr. Arbinkle.
You had a matzah ball in your lint trap.
- That's outrageous!
- You think that's outrageous?
Wait til you see the bill
- Here comes Jon's motorboat impression.
(sputtering)
Sounds like he's thrown a piston.
(Odie whimpers)
- Thanks Mr Arbeckle.
(sputtering)
- The outpour is running outta gas.
Come on, we'll split a cupcake.
(Odie whimpers)
Sure, you can have the paper part.
- Now remember, if you need anything fixed
around this joint, just ask for me,
Al G. Swindler.
- I, I, I will.
Oh no.
I locked myself out.
I'll ring the bell.
(rooster crowing)
- Has that guy been on the show before, O-ster?
- Uh huh.
(rooster crowing) - I thought so.
I never forget a nose the size of a zeppelin.
(rooster crowing)
I think there's a rooster at the door or something.
(rooster crowing)
- This is awful!
I need an electrician.
- Swindler Electrical.
You need any work done?
Like, say, a doorbell fix?
- Why yes, I do need a doorbell fixed.
You're hired!
- Fine! I'll start on the roof.
- The roof?
Why do you have to go on the roof to fix my doorbell?
- Gee, Mr. Arbuday, if I knew the answer to that,
I could save the doorbell industry millions.
(humming)
(sputtering)
Sounds like that engine needs to have its points ground.
Well, see ya any minute now.
Whew, I'm glad that's over.
(Odie whimpering)
- Alright, you can nap with me.
Come on in.
Now don't wake me up.
(playful music) (snoring)
(dripping)
I hope that wasn't you.
(dripping)
Huh?
(intense music)
- Huh? Oh no!
My roof is leaking.
I need a roofer.
- Swindler roofing service.
You have a bad leak there, Mr. Arbernut.
- It isn't even raining outside.
- Whoa, that's a real bad leak.
But I can fix it for a price.
- Fix it, fix this, fix that,
pay for this, pay for that.
Why, for two cents, I'd sell this house!
- It's a deal!
Good afternoon, Mr. Arburny.
Al G. Swindler of Swindler Realty.
I have a deed all drawn up, notarized by the
Swindler Escrow Company.
- But, but, but, but--
- Ah, get outta my house!
And stay out!
- Well now, that wasn't a very good idea, was it?
- He
Well, that is, I mean, I said--
- Looks like it's up to me, as usual.
- Garfield, where are you going?
- Nextdoor to borrow a cup of flour.
- (Odie) Huh?
(ominous music)
- There he is.
I should call the police
or a lawyer or someone.
- Relax.
Just dump the flour on the cat and stand back.
OK, put me inside.
I've got a house to haunt.
(cheery music)
- There is only one explanation possible
for it all, Sir Edward.
These people have seen a ghost.
This house is haunted!
- Hey! Who changed the channel?
Ugh, what cheap wiring.
I think I overpaid for this dump.
(imitating ghost ooh's)
What's that?
(ghost howling)
That's ridiculous.
There's no such thing as ghosts.
- Are you sure?
- Ah! It's a ghost cat!
How did you get in here so fast?
That ghost will follow me forever.
Haunting and eating, haunting and eating.
- Boo.
(screaming)
I think maybe three more of these
and he should be ready to sell.
(screaming) (ghost oohs)
- Help! Help!
Mr. Arbuny, you've gotta take this house back.
Give me my two cents back and it's yours.
- What about all that other money I paid you?
- Here! Here's all of it.
It's yours and more.
Just take the deed back!
- Boogie, boogie, boogie.
(screaming)
- Ghost! Ghost!
Help! Help!
- Garfield, I don't know how you do it.
- Oh, just brilliance mixed with a dash of sneakiness.
(laughing)
- Well, it looks like we've seen
the last of Mr. Swindler.
- I understand you have a ghost.
Swindler ghost chasers at your service!
(rapid swiping) (yelling)
It's gettin' tougher and tougher
to make an honest buck these days.
(cheery music)
(Odie barking and growling)
- Odie looks like he's dreaming about chasing something.
Let's see if he catches it.
(loud crash)
Yep, he caught the heat register.
(Garfield tune)
- This year is the best tomato crop we've ever had!
I just have to make sure no one steals any.
Like my brothers.
Hi Roy, whatcha building?
- Box is over there.
- Little Gem Interplanetary Rocketship.
Be the first kid on your block to fly to Saturn?
- I didn't know it had to be assembled.
Insert flange assembly 7B into blue wing housing 91.
Affix with a quarter turn of mid-sized locking bolts.
(sighs) I hate this.
- Well, good luck.
- (Roy) Maybe this is the subatomic hyperspace
rudder power supply.
- I hope Roy gets his rocket built
before it's officially an antique.
- Orson, Orson, I gotted a letter!
Here! I gotted a letter!
- Why the panic, Wade?
You may have already won $10 million.
- Oh please!
Jest not with a cravin' duck!
Open it and tell me the awful, terrible news
that lies within!
(sobbing)
I'll be in here, hiding.
(mumbling)
- Wade, this isn't bad news.
- Oh, it must be.
- No, it says your cousin Newton is coming to see
if we have a job for him.
- Well that's bad news, alright.
- Wade, come outta there!
Wade, you come out. - No, I won't come out!
- (Wade) No, I will not, I will not!
- Wade!
- (Wade) Yow!
- Tap outer housing lightly with ball pin hammer.
(loud crashing)
- Wade! Are you alright?
- Roger Houston, all systems are a go.
(cheery music)
- Insert steering column 7F and affix with locking ring W
and two sticks of Spearmint flavored chewing gum.
- You don't understand Orson!
My cousin Newton has the worst memory in the world!
- A bad memory isn't dangerous.
- Newton's is, you'll see.
- We could use another body here to help guard
the tomato crop.
- Don't ask Newton to do it.
If you ask him, you'll be very sorry.
You'll bye now.
- Hello, I'm uh--
Uh
- Wade's cousin, Newton?
- That's right.
Who are you?
- I'm Wade's friend, Orson.
Welcome to the farm!
- Oh thank you, thank you very much.
This is nice.
It's pretty here, it's very farmy.
- While holding rear cargo flap in your left hand,
place left gridded microwave cylinder block
between light green digital uprights.
There's got to be an easier way to get to Saturn than this.
- Everybody seems to be busy here.
My chance to get my mitts on that tomato crop.
- Keeping elbows perpendicular, remove outer wire fuselage
and replace with that long thingamajigger that looks
like a banana.
Now they're getting technical on me.
- We can put you to work guarding the tomatoes, Newton.
- Fine.
(screeching)
By the way, you didn't tell me your name.
- It's Orson.
Orson Pig.
- Nice to meet you Orson.
My name is uh
- Newton, Newton Duck.
- Nice to meet you Newton Duck.
- No, I'm not Newton Duck.
- You said you were.
- No, you're Newton Duck.
And you should just stand here
and guard the tomatoes.
You got that?
- Got that.
- Fine, I'll be back later.
What are you doing?
- Following you.
- No, you're not supposed to follow me.
- Of course not.
I don't even know your name.
(sighs)
- You really do have a bad memory.
- I know.
I'm in a club for people with bad memories.
- What's the name of the club?
- I don't remember.
- How often does it meet?
- I forgot.
- Where are the meetings held?
- Beats me!
- Why don't you just quit?
- I can't! I'm the President!
By the way, what was your name again?
- Orson Pig!
My name is Orson Pig
and I am hiring you to guard the tomatoes!
Now, stand right here and don't let anybody in!
- I've got it!
- These are very simple concepts.
- Nice guy, but I forget his name.
Oh well.
- Ah, a tomato feast!
(shivering)
(ominous music)
- It's OK Wade, you can come out.
- Is my cousin gone?
- No, I've put him to work.
- Oh, that is a large, economy size mistake.
- I don't think so.
Newton'll do a good job.
- Who's Newton?
- Newton is Wade's cousin.
- Wade, who's Wade?
And what was your name again? (gasps)
- What are you doing here?
I told you to guard the tomatoes!
- I've never met you before in my life, ever!
- Forget it!
Just forget it.
Wade, come with me.
- Must I?
- We've gotta guard the tomatoes!
- Gee.
I wonder who those two guys were.
- Oh no!
My brother Gort has already gotten to our tomotoes.
Sound the alarm!
- Right away.
Help! Help!
Fat hog stealing tomatoes.
Help! Mayday!
June day!
Maybe even half past September day!
- Not that alarm, this alarm!
(alarm ringing)
- Oh, I've been found out.
(swiping)
- Gord, you're not leaving here with our tomatoes!
- Caution, do not press large red button
until ready to launch yourself into outer space.
Well, that's good advice.
- Help! Large pig dining on tomatoes!
You say tomatoes, I say tomatoes.
- Uh oh, sounds like brother trouble.
You there!
- Me where?
- Guard this rocket and don't let anybody near it
and especially don't let anyone
press the large red button.
Got that?
- Got that.
- I gotta hide these tomatoes
or tomatoes.
(dinging)
(playful music)
Just forget you saw me put those in there.
- Put what in where?
- Perfect.
- Gee, I was supposed to do something here
but I can't remember what it was.
(screeching)
- My brother stole half our tomato crop!
- What a thing to happen just when I
was about to go to Saturn.
- We have to find him!
- Um, once we find him, what are we gonna do?
- I think we're gonna run.
- Excellent plan.
- I'm gonna flatten you two.
- What was it I was supposed to do here?
I can't remember what was certain.
Oh well, couldn't have been very important.
Gee, I wonder what happens when you press
this large red button.
(zooming)
- We are doom-ed.
We are doom-ed!
- Gord, couldn't we discuss this?
- What's to discuss?
I'm gonna flatten yous guys and take all the tomatoes!
- Tomatoes.
- My rocket!
(screaming) (zooming)
(exploding)
- We'll dump my brother back home
before he knows what happened.
- I'll be leaving.
I messed everything up as usual.
- You don't have to leave, cousin.
Things didn't turn out too badly.
- You mean, I can stay?
- If you'd like.
You're welcome here as long as you like.
- That's wonderful.
You're so nice to me.
Can I ask you guys a question?
Who are you?
(playful music)
(Garfield tune)
- (Garfield) In the year 1876, U.S. Scientist,
Alexander Graham Bell successfully built and tested
the first telephone.
Few people, however, know the reason
why he invented the telephone.
- Hello, can you hear me?
- (Phone) Yes, I can hear you.
- (Garfield) It was so that he could order pizza
for his cat.
- I'd like a large pepperoni with mushrooms,
onions and extra cheese.
- Ahem.
- Oh right, and no anchovies.
- (Garfield) In the year 1879, Thomas Elva Edison
invented the light bulb.
This was so his cat wouldn't have to watch TV in the dark.
Even as far back as 1751,
Benjamin Franklin looked to a cat for inspiration
on a new kind of cooking device.
- Let me see, what shape can I make this.
I've got it!
I'll make it a pot-bellied stove.
(playful music)
- Ah, go fly a kit, Franklin.
If he'd invented the microwave oven instead,
he could've done it in 90 seconds.
All the great inventions in history
have come about because of cats
and perhaps the greatest invention of all
was the work of this cat, Cicero.
It was in the year 11 and a half that this handsome
feline changed the course of history.
Cicero lived with a young architect named Jonah.
Now, Jonah's problem was that he couldn't take
architecture seriously.
For example, when they built the Great Coliseum of Rome,
Jonah spent six weeks trying to convince him
to put in hot dog stands and a guy in a chicken costume.
(echoing stomping)
- Oh, ouch, oh, yeah, oh yeah.
(yelling)
- (Garfield) Jonah's heart just wasn't in architecture.
While the others sat all week drawing up plans
for new Roman buildings, Jonah pursued his own
kind of artistry, cartooning.
(gentle music)
One day, one of the emperors centurions came around.
- You are the one called Jonah?
His majesty sent me to fetch the plans for the aqueduct.
- Plans? Aqueduct?
Oh uh, they are not quite through yet.
Uh, my dog ate them?
No, if I could have just a little more time.
- Citizen, you are in big trouble.
- So what!
They cannot throw me in the dungeon for drawing cartoons.
(somber music)
- Tell me again how they cannot throw you in the dungeon.
- They cannot keep me here like this.
- That's what I said.
- Good luck.
See ya sometime after the Byzantine era.
But the magnificent cat knew that he had to
get his master out of the Roman slammer,
for without his master, the cat had no one to feed him.
(barking)
- Not now, Odeus Maximus.
I'm attempting to think.
The key to rescuing Jonah lies in my reaching the emperor.
Let me see what time it is.
Hmm, it is V past X-I.
His majesty'll be enjoying his dinner repassed.
Come Odeus Maximus.
You can aid me in getting in to see him.
Let us grab the next barge.
(barking)
Soon, they were on their way to the emperor's palace.
I do not mind rowing so much.
The hard part is having exact change.
(grunting)
The emperor, Veracious the Great,
dwelled in regal splendor.
(sniffing)
(spitting)
- You call this roast leg of Griffin?
By jove, one would think that I,
the most powerful man in the known world,
could get a decent meal!
How long has it been since I've sent that
Marco Polo chap out for Chinese food?
- 17 years, your majesty.
- I wish there was some place to get Chinese food
closer than China.
- (Garfield) His rantings were interrupted, however.
In the north tower, a guard noticed an intruder,
the furry kind, and he sounded the alert.
(horn blowing)
- An alert!
We are under attack!
Centurions, after them!
- Uh oh, they're playing our song.
(horn blowing)
This way, in a hurry.
(upbeat music)
So what if you're not a horse.
I'm not Ben-Hur either.
Move!
And don't stop til we reach Mesopotamia!
- The food here stinks.
Send in my royal chefs.
- But sire, you fed them all to the lions.
- So I did.
Everyone is eating well around here except me!
- Faster, faster!
(intense music)
- What is that commotion in my hallways?
I command you to halt!
(crashing)
- (Garfield) The cat knew he was in a lot of trouble,
but he also knew how much the emperor
craved a good meal.
- What are you trying to tell me cat?
That you know of a great chef?
- Correct-o-mundo, sire.
- Cat, I will try this chef.
But if the meal he prepares is not the best
I have ever tasted, you will all be thrown to the lions!
(somber music)
- (Garfield) The cat had him fetch Jonah from
the emperor's prison.
They were placed in the royal kitchen
and there, Jonah was given his order.
- But, I do not know the first thing about cooking!
I'm a cartoonist!
- Leave it to me.
You just cook what I tell you.
The cat had an idea.
Tomatoes, pasta, ricotta cheese.
He reasoned emperors are a lot like cats.
They're fat and lazy and they like to be waited on.
He figured what he liked, the emperor would like.
So, he picked out all his favorite foods
and had Jonah combine them.
They cooked them and then served them to his majesty.
- This has better be good.
(shivering)
Mm, this is!
This is the greatest thing
I have ever eaten!
- (Garfield) The meal was a complete success
and the emperor would appoint Jonah
as chief food preparer with ample time on the side
to draw his cartoons.
- Mm, sensational.
But what do you call it?
- Well, it is a combination of foods.
A lasagnum, I suppose.
- Lasagnum is Latin for a stew pot of mixed foods.
Today, we simply call it lasagna.
And so ends our tale of the greatest invention of them all.
Hey, isn't that a lot more important
than some old electric light?
(playful music)