House Husbands (2012) s05e01 Episode Script

1 What happened to you? Oh think I've think I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Who chainsaws this early in the morning? I think it's coming from your place.
Bloody hell.
Argh! Now that's a hole! That's my fence! Hm.
What are ya, men or boys? Boys.
Yeah, I'm done.
Soft as.
Bear's still in.
Won a lot more than Kane ever did.
Hey, ah Is that Rachel? Oh she's got company.
- Again.
- You could take a leaf out of her book, get onto one of those dating apps.
They're animals, inside, outside and it's kinky.
- Kinky? - Kinky? Sounds like he knows what he's doing.
I reckon he's a professional.
You think she's paying him? You drilled a spy hole? No, it was already there! Sure it was.
Are they still going at it? You think I'd be looking if they were? Why are you looking? To see who's keeping me awake.
He's got a six-pack.
He must work out.
They're starting up again! It's like an eclipse, you're not supposed to look directly at it, but! Okay, I can't unsee that.
- You have got to be kidding me.
- Shhh! - Uhh? - Hello? - Did they hear us? - Run! Oi! You promised you'd contact my folders before school went back.
I'm sorry, darling, but they set my exam for the first day of school.
I know, study, study, study.
Express from Glasgow.
From Kane? Yeah, and Stella and the kids.
- Can I open it? - Sure.
A kilt, shortbreads! - There's a card.
- Yeah.
- Alex's mum isn't great.
- Oh dear.
- When are they coming back? - They might not be, Tills.
But I miss them.
Yeah, I miss them too.
And, I If that bloke parks there one more time 'Cause that's more important than the exam I've just spent a year studying for? I couldn't be more supportive of you becoming a doctor.
10 years I've put this degree on hold.
Is one more hour of peace before my final exam too much to ask? Can you contact my folders? No, Tilda.
I'm rubbish at it.
Mum'll do it, after her exam.
Okay, yeah, call me.
You're an honorary girl, Dad.
Thanks, Pop.
Mwah.
And thank you, Georgia, for sleeping all night, finally.
Oh, careful, Soph.
- Only a week to go.
- I never thought I'd say this, I really enjoyed staying home with the girls.
You don't have to go back to work.
I've got a meeting with Joshua today and, ah, I don't want to jinx it, but I've got a good feeling.
Anything to justify these feelings? Well, my sources tell me I'm being rewarded for my success with the Dentures Galore account.
Promoted? You deserve it, baby.
It's all about being the complete package.
Yes, it is.
Come on, it's not that scary.
Uh the boys were nervous before their first day.
Look at 'em now.
But they can play with each other.
You remember what Miss Looby said? If I'm lonely, wait under the Friendship Tree.
That's right.
And then the other kids will ask you to join in? - What if they don't? - If they don't? Then they miss out playing with the coolest, grooviest, smartest girl in school.
Welcome back to our parents and students and I'd like to extend a very warm welcome to our new preps.
The first day of school is an exciting milestone, filled with new and exciting opportunities to thrive and learn and make special new friends.
Bet it hit you harder than Angie.
Last chicken leaving the coop.
It comes around quicker than you think.
Cherish those sparkles and tiaras.
Well, least now I can focus on my business.
- Maybe do some dating.
- Quiet at the back! Our preps aren't the only newbies today.
I'd like to introduce Nepean South's specialist music teacher, Mr.
Nick Gazecki.
Please make him welcome.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome aboard.
Lewis, you're in 4B today.
Who approved the new music teacher? - You did.
- What? You're on the school council.
Mr.
Gazecki's appointment was unanimous.
I don't have time to read CVs, has he had a police check? Of course! What is your problem? I don't want a deviant teaching our kids music.
What makes you think that Mr.
Gazecki is a deviant? I've seen him do things.
I'm going to need more than that.
Sex with my neighbour.
A consenting adult.
Yeah, but it's weird.
Dress ups and props and it's loud, like they're putting on a show.
Watch from your roof, do you? - No, the fence! - Oh! - It's there for all to see! - Oh, don't.
Don't! Can I please stay with you? Baby, hey, I already told you that I'm doing really boring work at home.
It's not fun.
I love you.
And so will everyone else, I promise.
We're going to have a great day.
- - Thanks for driving me.
I'm so nervous, I just can't do this.
Well, you are doing this.
It's the last exam.
It's the hardest exam! Yeah, but you know it all, just relax.
It's easy for you to say.
I hope I don't throw up on my patient.
Yeah, they take off serious marks for that.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
Toni, what are you doing here? My old hospital had to shut down once the fancy city doctor left.
Aww.
They couldn't replace me? I'm not sure it's something to gloat about.
Oh, no, no, no, I wasn't You're the new Nurse Unit Manager? Mm-hm.
Apparently the last one joined the dark side and I've always been up for a challenge.
Oh, be challenging for everyone.
Haven't you grown? - And a new arrival? - Yeah, this is Georgia.
Well, I wouldn't take her in there, big city hospital, so full of germs.
What are you looking at? Oh, I that that seat's for, um Joshua.
I think he, ah I think he wants me to head up the Recycle Wear account.
You're fired.
- Sorry? - Joshua is on a conference call and asked me to pass on the bad news.
Mark, it's not you.
Well, actually it is you.
You're too old.
No you are you you sure it's not the other Mark, the one dressed like an angry teen? Oh no no, Mark Jones has just got a promotion.
S-sorry guys, one sec.
Mark, I'm sorry I didn't deliver the news to you personally.
Undeliver it! Tell Recycle Wear I'm heading up the account.
I appreciate everything you done for Naylor and Naylor.
I really do.
Give me another account, I'll I'll I'll adapt like a cockroach.
Okay, that's probably not the sexiest Look, look the point is I I'm evolving.
I'll I'll Look, I'll put together a PowerPoint presentation.
PowerPoint? You can't sack me because I'm old, that's discrimination.
It has nothing to do with your age, it's your vibe.
I mean, y-you just don't fit in with where we're heading.
My vibe?! No hard feelings, bro, and look, if you need a reference, give me a call, I'll sort you out.
- He must've changed his name.
- Who? Rachel's toy boy.
There's nothing about him on the internet.
Are you cyberstalking? It's called a background check.
Is this because of your little fight with Rachel over garbage bins? It's because he's dodgy.
What, you don't care who teaches your kids? Nah, of course I do, but you can't go around - He rocks up at Rachel's, does the, mm, - Yeah mm-hmm and then comes out counting the cash.
You've seen his car.
What teacher can afford that? Guys go into debt for good wheels.
You know what, I'll Google him.
You know you can erase yourself from the internet? Oh, can ya? Yeah, I looked into it when all that crap was written about me.
It's a massive hassle and costs a ton.
No search results on Nick or Nicholas Gazecki.
He's hiding somethin' and I'm gonna find it.
This is your patient, Jed Thompson.
You will be given an hour to do a medical history and an examination, then your assessment will be on your diagnosis and treatment plan.
Okay.
All right.
I'm so sorry, I've already forgotten your name.
- Jed.
- Jed.
Hi.
I treated Jed when I was a nurse, and unfortunately, he So hmm I'm not a nurse now.
So that's Are you okay, Gemma? Uh, may I go and get a glass of water, please? A qualifying doctor doesn't have the luxury of timeout.
I know.
- 2 minutes.
- Thank you.
Hey.
How's it going? I botched everything.
Ready? Okay, Mr.
Thompson.
Where were we? Well, first I'm gonna ask you some questions about how you're feeling.
And when this all started.
I'm gonna take your blood pressure and give you a physical examination.
Okay, now.
When did you first start to feel light-headed? Three days ago.
Three days ago Good girl.
What's all this? I taught myself how to make jam.
- What do you think? - Well, it's, um it's a bit runny.
Well, I'll improve now that I've extended my maternity leave.
I thought that was still up for discussion? You remember that cranky nurse from Maiden Vale.
Yeah, what's she got to do with anything? She is our new Nurse Unit Manager.
Makes me never want to go back.
So, what's the new job title, Executive? Vice President? Oh, not quite but, uh well, I do get to work from home.
Oh, great.
More flexibility then.
Win/win.
Yeah, sorry, Thursday is the only free spot.
Oh, okay.
Good.
All right, well, we'll see Asha then.
All righty.
Bye.
Bye.
- Mmm - - Mm? - Mmm! Morning.
Demi? Justin? Hey! Demi? De-mee.
Great.
Finally! Race you round the lake? Bring it on! You okay? Yeah, yeah, still got heaps in the tank.
- I'm just pumped you can keep up.
- Oh.
- My other dates have been all talk.
- Oh, really? Keen to get hot and sweaty tomorrow? Well, yeah, I do have a small window.
Oh, well.
A quickie it is then.
Okay.
Hit the cymbal.
- Hit the cymbal.
Smash it! - Yeah! - Dad! - Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd you go? - Make some friends? - Heaps! See, told you so.
Angie's been killing it on the drums.
Oh, really? - I was copying Dad.
- Oh, you play? Not really.
- Come on.
Come on.
Yeah! - Really? Oh, okay.
Five, six, seven, eight.
- Thanks, mate.
- Any time.
Come on, let's go.
He's really nice, Dad.
Yeah, he's all right.
You score a promotion? - Well, I not quite.
- Oh Mark, I want you to meet my new - boyfriend, Nick.
- Hi.
Oh, hey, I've seen I mean, I've heard, yeah, a lot about you.
Hi, I'm Mark.
Oh, Rachel told me that you guys lost your jobs.
- Oh, he sacked you too? - Mmm? Wait, you got fired? - It was time to move on.
Yeah.
- Exactly.
- A good chance to reinvent yourselves.
- Speaking from experience, are ya? - Yeah, I used to be a solicitor.
- Course you did.
Nick's a, ah, quadruple threat, lawyer, teacher, musician.
Lover.
Renaissance man.
The quintessential slashie.
In my day, we used to call it a flake.
Yeah.
And how was the gold rush? - Nice to meet you, Mark.
- You too.
- See you, Justin.
- All right, mate.
Gold rush! Oh, he seems all right.
Yeah, definitely not the axe murderer Lewis thinks he is.
No? Kane, we would be over there in a heartbeat if we could.
Yeah, we'll have a champagne for you.
Okay, well, big kiss to all the family.
And a big kiss on the lips for baby Ruben.
Yeah, okay.
Of course! Lewis absolutely wants to speak to you.
He's right here.
Kane.
How's the weather? I can't believe I married a doctor! Do we get free flight upgrades? - I haven't officially passed yet.
- You better.
All that non-stop study has stuffed up my domestic routine, not to mention that degenerate next door.
What's a degenerate? Yeah, Lewis.
What's a degenerate? A person with no morals.
Nick's got morals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Dad's just jealous.
As if.
Congratulations, Doctor Crabb! You did it! By the skin of my teeth, actually by the skin of my patient's teeth.
He had a rare gum disease.
Hello? - Nick! - Hey! Oh, hi! - Hey, guys.
- What's he doin' here? - Doctor.
- Doctor.
- Now he's crashing the party? - Well, I invited him.
- Without asking me? - Uh, it's my barbecue.
Look, play nice, okay, I'm sick of this ridiculous neighbour war.
Who is that? Excuse me.
Gemma Crabb.
I didn't know you were coming.
Scored a last-minute invite.
How's the job hunt coming along? Shhh! Ooh! Haven't told Abi you were fired? I'm going to win that job back.
- What? - What? I'll explain later but for now, can we just keep it on the QT? Mmm, what's it worth? Your secret's safe.
Thanks.
Hey, nice T-shirt, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- My, uh, Ramones one's in the wash.
- Ha.
- There's a hole.
- You can see.
Wow! How'd you like your chops? Lewis? That was the head of the clinical school.
I've been accused of cheating on my exam.
Didn't have to get rid of everyone, darl.
Well, that phone call kinda killed the buzz.
You okay? Why did I try and finish the medical degree? I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding.
There was not a shred of uncertainty in her voice.
I sacrificed a year of my life for nothing, worse than nothing, my professional reputation is ruined.
Let's see how tomorrow goes.
To quote the witness statement, during a break from her exam, I saw Gemma speaking to Doctor Albert but I couldn't hear the conversation, asked to describe Gemma's behaviour following the conversation, the witness stated Gemma looked relieved and returned to the exam room.
So whilst we don't know what was said, we can assume it helped Gemma in the exam.
So, what happened? Final exam pressure, I choked, but then I got my mojo back.
After you spoke to Doctor Albert? Well, Abi just said, "Look around, you know this world.
" That's what took you from clueless to proficient? No, it reminded me that I wasn't out of my depth.
Any contact during an exam is inappropriate.
Why would you put yourself in such a compromising situation? I was nervous.
Doctor Albert has been helping you with your studies this year.
Yes, but even if she wanted to help me, there was no way that Abi could know anything about my patient.
She's on maternity leave.
I saw Doctor Albert chatting to your patient just before you started the exam.
I undersold myself yesterday.
Sorry, one sec.
It's for my coffee blog.
Sorry, what were you sayin'? Oh forget it.
I don't need to take selfies of my coffee or dress like I raided my great-grandfather's wardrobe to stay relevant.
I I've got timeless skills.
Like? Experience, insight, people skills.
You couldn't even sack me in person.
I was busy.
No, you were gutless.
You're all style and no substance, Joshua.
If you keep running this place like you are I-I give it a year before it disappears up its own arse, oh, which is where you can stick my reference.
Hey, I know this really great restaurant if you're up for lunch tomorrow.
I don't eat out.
Oh.
- Too expensive? - Nope.
Too annoying.
I'm no sugar, low-FODMAP and paleo.
- Three diets? - The body is a temple.
With a strict door policy.
I have other ways to reward my body.
And yours.
Most push-ups, 10 seconds? Wow.
You're a sucker for punishment.
I'm a sucker for winning.
- All right, let's go.
- Go! How many? Um 14.
- Argh! - What? You okay? That's all right.
I mean I mean if you factor in muscle ratios, you you smashed me.
Come on.
I think you're right.
Cop that, Baynie.
No, no.
Sorry, I thought, uh you know, maybe it was reward time.
It is.
Let's have lunch at your place tomorrow.
I think I'm ready to see your temple.
I am so sorry.
Did you talk to my patient? I was just checking in, I treated him before I went on maternity leave.
Of course you did.
They've got a witness.
Toni probably.
I know better than to speak to you while you're doing an exam.
It's just I'm so used to us chatting at work.
Well, it's not your fault.
They're not punishing you, are they? No.
Well, that's something.
I've been suspended by the hospital.
Suspended? But, you didn't do anything wrong! Yeah, well hopefully they'll change their minds by the time my maternity leave's up.
Or sooner.
Lucky your job's going so well.
I got fired yesterday.
Yeah, can you imagine! Oh, God.
You don't have to imagine.
Oh, you're not kidding.
What did you do to get fired? Why do you think I did something wrong? I didn't say that.
You strongly implied it.
So, why didn't you tell me yesterday? I wanted to get a new job first.
Yeah, well, that might take a while.
How are we supposed to support three kids and pay a mortgage as a no income family? This is a disaster.
We're gonna take this all the way to the top, darling.
It's not the Supreme Court, darl.
Yeah, but they can't fail you after all the work you put in.
I spoke to a staff member during an exam.
I don't have a leg to stand on.
That better not be for a spy camera.
Of course not.
Good.
'Cause I don't wanna have to see how much fun everybody else is having.
Come here.
Oh you didn't even ask me if I cheated.
I didn't need to.
Ah, here to fix my printer? Uh well, I could have a look at it for you, but no, I'm that's not why I'm here, I'm I'm Lewis Crabb.
I'm Gemma's husband.
- This is inappropriate.
- Yeah.
Yeah, and if there were an easier pathway, believe me, I would've taken it.
Her punishment is not up for discussion.
- Well, it should be.
You need her.
- Me? The medical profession.
She's she's compassionate, she's smart.
I can see how this has escalated.
You smug academics.
Did Gemma put you up to this? No, uh, and I don't want to make it any worse.
Perhaps I could take a look at your printer? Security? Oh, Tilda! How many times have I gotta tell you to put your back away, please? I'm sorry, darling.
Sweetheart? Well, it's every single day.
"Put your bag away! Put your bag away!" Is that all this is about? It might also be a little bit about my exam.
I reckon it's good you're staying a nurse, not joining those stuck-up, sanctimonious doctors.
Since when did you decide that? Lewis? Well, I might have paid a visit to Professor Loy.
Oh! This means so much to you.
I I had to try.
Darl, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but you're not exactly Gandhi when it comes to negotiation.
What did she say? - She called security.
- Ohh! The next time you feel like standing up for me, why don't you try taking a cold shower? I was just trying to help.
By harassing the head of the clinical school? Well, someone has to talk reason with her.
Oh, and just rush in there like a bull in a china shop! Well, somebody has to speak plain sense! You know there are no Very good, very good.
Swap instruments.
Keep playing.
I'm blaming the xylophone.
For what? For you not wanting to be here.
What's goin' on, Tills? You don't have to talk, but this is music, so you do have to play.
If I say something true, I want you to whack the tambourine, okay? Um music class is the best! Uh something at school's upsetting you? Something at home? No one to play with? Ha! That's really funny.
- Can I have a bite? - Nope.
Get your own.
Lewis? - What? - Uh, quick word? About? You might want to check in with Tilda.
She's upset about something at home.
What have you been telling her? Talk to Tilda.
What kind of teacher tells a parent what to do with his kid and then walks off? - Mate, let it go.
- Nup.
Lewis! Oi! Here we go.
Stay out of my business.
Says the guy perving through a hole in the fence.
I've never met a bloke so keen to draw attention to himself.
You got too much time on your hands, Lewis.
I know a fence that needs repairing.
I'd love to wipe that smile off your face.
I'd love to see you try.
- What happened to you? - Oh, think I've think I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Phew! It's not exactly the crack of dawn I was hoping to see.
Think you might need new trackies.
Ah, not according to Abi's budget, I'm gonna get buried in these bad boys.
Bad boys is right.
I'll get another job.
In the meantime, you're gonna see a whole lot more of me.
- I think I've seen enough.
- Yeah.
Who chainsaws this early in the morning? I think it's coming from your place.
Bloody hell.
Argh! Now that's a hole! - That's my fence! - I got nothin' to hide.
Get him off! You're worse than a couple of kids.
- Morning darling.
- Really? - Chainsaw wrestling? - Well, he started it! Honestly.
Mwah, little pumpkin, you just doing your homework? Mr.
Gazecki and I are writing a song.
- Oh, brilliant! - Yeah, sure is.
I didn't think you were in at work today.
No, well, I've got some mopping up to do.
You've got a fence to mend.
I wanted to apologise for my husband.
Look, I can't prove that my conversation with Abi was innocent, but I can prove that my results weren't a fluke.
Let me retake the exam, anywhere, in front of the whole medical faculty.
I'll put your request to the disciplinary committee, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
You're early.
You're wearing a towel.
You're wearing a baby.
What are you doing here? I think we need an intervention about Lewis.
I mean.
I mean, you saw what I saw.
Juggling chainsaws is all right in a circus, but in a backyard? It was a one-off.
It was a spur of the moment.
- He's okay.
- What's with the whole Nick thing? - Whatever happened to man love? - Hello! Justin? Hi.
Demi, hey.
- Hi.
- Wow, you look great.
- So do you.
- Ah - Hi.
Oh, Mark.
Hi.
- This is, er - Demi.
Mm.
- Like Moore? - Demi's a friend.
- We were just talking about man love.
Oh.
- Oh, no, not between us, - More - in more general terms, - Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
- like friendship and buddies, - and neighbours.
Um, interventions.
- Yeah.
Ooh.
Yeah, a mate of hours, Lewis, is having some problems.
Mark, please, not now.
Someone did an intervention on me once when I was doing - five-hour gym sessions.
- Wow.
Hey! No you don't, you were going, remember? - Was I? - You, you were.
Bye.
- Hey.
- It's time to worship at the temple.
Mm! Mm-mmm.
And the clearing within the opacity in the right lung, air bronchograms, which are consistent with the consolidation from pneumonia.
I would recommend oral amoxycillin and a follow-up x-ray just to ensure clearance and no underlying malignancy.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- I didn't know it was on.
- You can check that.
- We've finished with our assessment.
- Thank you.
- Mmm - Everything all right? Ah, I hope so.
Then, let's talk about what this means for your degree.
Is everything okay? Tills? This is my song.
In my house there lives a busy family Mum's head's in the books and Dad's been naughty Alone I'm in my room, trying to work stuff out It's Tilda, the ghost To her they shout "Tills, I'll be there in a minute" "Tills, go ask your mum and go and ask your dad" In my house there lives a busy family And alone in my room Alone in my room is me.
Till, I'm so sorry.
We never realised you felt that way, darling, and we should have.
- We are so sorry.
- I'll tell you what, as soon as we get home, I'm gonna contact all your books.
Can we stick band pictures on too? - Of course we can.
- Aww.
Hey, good news I convinced them to let me resit my final exam.
And I nailed it.
- I'm a med-school graduate! - Gem.
- Does that mean you're a real doctor? - Yes.
And you know what that means, whenever we're at home, I'm all yours.
Hey.
Go and find Nick.
- Hey, Nick.
- Hmm? You left your phone.
Oh, thanks.
Um Well, that was the hospital.
They've dropped my suspension.
Great.
So, do you want to go back? I will get another job.
Of course you will, but we kind of need an income now.
I love you but Mum, can you keep on doing stickers with us? Of course, munchkins.
I'll tell the hospital I'll be back Monday.
Dad, are we good enough to swim in the Olympics? Uh that's too early to say, mate.
We would if we had our own pool.
We do.
I got here as quick as I could.
How's my little guy? Thanks for letting us stay.
What's the damage? We'll need new carpets, replace the skirting boards.
You must have been, uh, pretty distracted.
Oh, yeah, I do remember having a unexpected visitor.
I'll have a look at it tomorrow.
Stay as long as you want.
Are you in or out? - I'm all in.
- Ah, me too.
That's more like it.
Oh no.
- All under control.
- Oh, yes! Yes! - Oh! Oh! - Ohh, freezing.
Lewis! Lewis! Now, where were we? The biggest season of change Oh, dear, sorry.
Cop an eyeful did ya? Copped more than an eyeful, darl.
is just getting started.
Next Monday, Hugh Sheridan's first bombshell drops.
Why don't you just come out and ask whatever it is you want to know? And a surprise arrival Dad? will take an emotional turn.
It's just the beginning.
Why couldn't you just do your job? Of the events - It was just a kiss.
- Was it? that will change the rest of their lives.
Why didn't I know?