Nip/Tuck s05e01 Episode Script
Carly Summers
Nip/Tuck Season 5 Episode 1 Down by 5, partner.
Think you can get inside of me now? Hey, that's a foul.
Now, look, real men don't cheat.
They do if they wanna win.
Face it, partner.
You can't dominate me.
Never have.
Never will.
Come on.
You're just gonna scuff the new floor.
Who cares? It's not like we got patients in here to complain.
Yes! It's been 2 months without even a botox shot, christian.
So far,the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in los angeles is a better hook shot.
I wouldn't go that far.
- Look,we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy,right? - Yeah.
But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.
- Worked the first time we started a business together.
- At 25,baby.
At 40,you gotta go all out.
We owned miami, right? - Yeah.
- Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.
Speak o'the devil.
Repo man.
He's in your office.
Repo man? Sorry, doc.
You haven't paid your bill.
But I just sent a check last week.
And it bounced higher than hendrix was at woodstock.
You can't kidnap our fish.
Can't work for free either.
If I stop comin'to clean the tanks,the little guys go belly up.
Oh, I'll tell you what.
I don't wanna terrorize the little aqua dudes here,and they're just settlin'in.
I'll give you a week.
- Cool? - Cool.
I knew this was a mistake.
I knew investing all our settlement money from michelle into a rodeo drive sinkhole was gonna bite us right in the ass.
Perhaps you could save your ass by selling off that disgustingly extravagant malibu beach pad.
No way.
Image is everything in this town.
Besides, if I sell the malibu compound, where's my partner gonna stay, huh, in your hideous silver lake one bedroom? I'm only bunking with you because I'm up to my ass in alimony and child support.
- You're gonna need a bigger boat.
- What? Jaws, first time brody sees the shark.
You guys are in over your heads.
You're chum being devoured by all the rodeo drive great whites.
You gotta have faith, lizzie.
The patients will come.
Faith ain't gonna cut it out here, christian.
You want the hollywood dream, you gotta go out and get it, not wait to be discovered, so get up off your asses and go get some.
Get some tits while you're at it, too.
Necks,chins,sagging vaginas.
This is los angeles,for god's sake.
I think lizzie's right.
We need to go on a fishing expedition of our own.
What are we gonna use as bait? Us.
- What's the plan? - Divide and conquer.
Dr.
Christian troy, plastic surgeon.
Actors are judged by their appearance.
Maybe we could freshen you up a bit for your next audition.
That is so sweet, but I get all my work done with Dr.
Eskandarian.
Dr.
Thayer did my chin implant.
My lips.
My vagina.
My tits.
He does all the big stars.
He actually shaved down the bump on my nose a few months ago.
- You ever done anyone famous? - Uh,we almost worked on joan rivers.
Sean: Something wrong? It's just that most guys your age who come in wearing suits like that are agents.
Mine just dropped me, so I was hoping you were one.
I'm the west coast editor of us weekly.
If you ever do someone important, give me a call.
It's anonymous.
Jesus.
Has anyone in this town not had plastic surgery? I feel like I'm tryin'to sell semen at a whorehouse.
Uncut flesh 11:00.
Hi.
I'm Dr.
Christian troy.
- This is my partner.
- Dr.
Sean mcnamara.
We're plastic surgeons.
I.
I've always resisted getting anything done.
Well, maybe you haven't met the right surgeons yet.
- We're new in town,from miami.
- Miami,yeah.
We'd love you to come in for a consult.
- Free consult.
- Free consult.
And then will I be happy? Well.
You're both cute as clams, and I don't know how they do business in miami, but in hollywood, trolling for business at a nightclub isn't a savvy marketing technique.
It's pathetic.
And if you wanna make it in this town,you're gonna have to do a better job of selling yourselves.
What makes you the expert, huh? See those blondes over there? The one on the right is a client of mine.
She's got as many gold records as she has trips to rehab.
That's her mother buying her shots.
I'm here to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't completely destroy the image I worked my ass off creating for her.
Fiona mcneil, publicist.
I think our credentials speak for themselves.
Been written up in the new england journal of medicine And how many times have you been written up in people magazine,hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from harvard.
It's not what you've done.
It's whom.
Celebrity is power.
Well, we're screwed.
We can't get a celebrity until we've operated on a celebrity.
- Or become celebrities yourself.
- You mean advertise? Anyone can advertise, but not everyone can get exposure.
What's the difference? Difference is you don't look like the one placing the ad.
That's publicity.
That's what I do better than anyone in this town for 5,000 a month.
We don't have it.
Too bad, puppy,'cause I have a unique opportunity that would fit you guys like a surgeon's glove.
We've got it.
- What is it? - Hearts 'n scalpels.
You guys don't watch television? Hearts' scalpels is a fantastic new series about plastic surgery.
The show runner happens to be a client of mine, and he's looking for a medical adviser to help him with the technical stuff.
Are you saying that being on a tv show would give us credibility? Bingo.
I think he's got it.
Bet you never seen a view like this, have you, baby? It's so beautiful.
I think I can see all the way to canada.
That's not the view I'm talkin'about.
Oh, Dr.
Clift.
I don't know about this.
I'm just a first.
year plastic surgery resident.
Oh,and I'm just showin' you how I operate.
Think of me as your first lesson.
They should just be honest and rename this show shit.
Shit.
You're so hot.
Who is this aidan stone douche? He's hilarious.
He's ridiculous.
He thinks he's james bond or something.
He's not even that good.
looking.
I'm hotter than he is.
We're sailin'on the water,baby.
You're sailin' with the doctor.
This is really bad.
- It's pretty good.
- Real bad.
- I don't even know what you're lookin'.
- It's entertaining.
Yeah? Car accident? I'll be there in 10.
It is pretty fun.
*** You think they know it's funny? Supposed to be like a drama, right? Removed her cheek implants from her esophagus.
She's still gonna need a complete facial reconstruction here.
Where's the doctor? Where is the doctor? Someone call for a plastic surgeon? What the hell is this? They don't wear masks or hats? You're gonna be fine.
10 blade.
She's crashing! Oh, god! Get the crash cart! - Stat! - Give me the paddles.
Give me paddles.
Stat.
- Paddles! - Let's go.
Paddles.
- All right,put it up to 380.
- 380.
380.
Clear.
Sean: Look at those tits.
- All right,all right,360.
- 360.
360! - No,no,no.
460.
460.
- Four.
460! -Clear! -Clear! Nothing! 580, now! Man,come on.
Look.
Look at that.
Get rid of these.
Get rid of these.
- I want one milligram of epi right now.
- Epi.
Gram.
- Doctor.
Stat.
- All right.
Stat.
- I said you,doctor.
- I.
I'm doing it.
Not on my watch.
I'm not losing another one.
I am not losing another one.
I sure hope she can sing in her daughter's wedding on saturday.
Doctor, I want you to go outside to the waiting room.
I want you to tell her daughter that I am not gonna ruin her wedding.
Do you understand me? - I understand.
- Now! And I wanna see a little better bedside manner next time! We're savin'a life today,guys.
We're all here for it.
We are saving a life today, people.
Christian: Her face completely healed in 3 days.
I mean,the whole thing was wildly unrealistic.
Being linked to that show could destroy our professional reputations.
We'll get referrals.
We'll find patients.
- We're not that desperate,are we? - Maybe not,boys.
Our first consult's in sean's office.
Tell us what you don't like about yourself, Mr.
Gorchek.
Oh, that's ok.
You can use my real name.
I just.
I said that so your secretary wouldn't post me on defamer.
That just proves my instincts were.
dead on.
That's why I came to you guys and not one of the big surgeons.
Bob easton ring a bell? Chairman, chief executive officer of the biggest studio in town.
Quarterly profits never been higher.
My movies are smart and entertaining.
Well, we're delighted you chose us, Mr.
Easton.
What can we do for you? I'm gonna be spending the holidays at the four seasons in kona.
The entire town's gonna be there.
Need you guys to make these invisible by the time I'm poolside.
It's where I do the bulk of my business for the next fiscal year.
Did you have a run.
in with a dog? When my mistress puts my collar and leash on, I'm the dog.
- Your dominatrix inflicted these? - Yeah,and she's not cheap either.
Still,no scotch,no yoga class,no hot rock therapy ever helped me like mistress dark pain does.
Sounds like living the dream has its price.
Of course it does.
Eat your young on a regular basis, what do you expect? All day long, I'm the one with the control, the power.
When sweet mistress dark pain takes it all away from me, sometimes twice during oscar season, every bite somehow restores the balance, keeps me real, you know? Anyway,how soon can we get it taken care of? We're,uh,pretty booked up this week.
How'out next tuesday? Please, this place is deader than my nana.
Today.
Make it happen.
Thought we left miami so we didn't have to deal with freaks like this guy.
- One client at a time,chri.
- Bullshit,sean.
I'm a jackrabbit.
I don't do slow and steady.
I paid my dues, and i want some overnight success.
Out of the way,wiggy.
You'll lose a lot more than your head.
Jesus.
You have no idea how stressful it can be running a television show.
Everybody wants you.
Everybody's relying on you, you know, the studio, the network.
Rose bowl parade, they want me on a float.
God, the steering on this thing is so tight.
It's germanic or something.
It's brand.
new.
Anyway,fiona recommends you guys very,very highly.
She's been very helpful to us since our move out here from miami.
I think she heard about our more prestigious cases and thought that us working together might be mutually beneficial.
Watch it, spartacus! It's not a soccer field.
Look, there's achilles, too.
Get it? So,listen.
I have a very important question I need to ask you.
Scale of 1 to 10, what do you think of my show? - 5.
- 10.
Sorry.
It's just from a medical standpoint, the procedures look really phony.
Who's the lead guy? I mean,he's totally unrealistic.
Women 18 to 49, they love aidan stone.
And he has a huge following amongst the gays.
But I don't know, you know.
Sounds like maybe this isn't the right show for you guys.
Not only could we make your medical stuff more realistic.
We could give you examples of cases we've worked on for 15 years.
It'd give you credibility.
What the hell is this shit, freddie? A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on.
This is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do until your fifth season.
I thought.
I thought.
What? What'd you think? No.
No, no, you didn'T.
No,you didn't think,'cause you're too busy parading around in that god.
ugly jumpsuit like some faggy fat.
ass chorus girl.
Why don't you just fire those hackity.
hack writers before I quit and you're forced to start running craft service.
I mean, look at your body.
What happened to the program I set up for you? It is so depressing.
Uh,so where were we? You gonna let that son of a bitch talk to you that way? Who? Oh, aidan? He's a sweetie.
You know, he's, um.
sensitive, and he's damaged, and, um, you know, he's a.
he's frustrated.
Are you all right? Just got low blood sugar, and I need to eat something right now.
Ok, wheat, sugar, poo, poo, crap.
Paco, why is everything still fried? Still? I'm getting tits like a girl.
Truth is aidan's right.
I'm in over my head, way over my head.
Start production on episode 6 on tuesday, and I have no case, and I can't keep ripping off episodes of chicago hope.
They'll start suing me.
I need something sexy.
I need a ratings grabber.
Jesus christ.
Chicken fingers.
Goddamn it.
Well, we had a case a couple of years ago.
Remember, sean? This, uh, woman came into our office.
She'd burned her lips off in a cooking accident.
Right.
We had to do a graft using skin from her vagina.
The only trouble was her husband didn't like oral sex, so she couldn't let him know where the skin came from.
We called her pussy lips.
I'd watch a show with pussy lips on it.
How soon can you start? We're not interested in just being consultants, Mr.
Prune.
- We're not? - We want producer credits and the occasional line.
Pussy lips.
God, I love it.
Let's get to work.
Let me start off by saying I'm a huge fan.
Of all the romantic comedies I've been dragged to by my girlfriends over the years, yours are the ones I hated the least.
So,tell me what you don't like about yourself,ms.
Summers.
Um, that I was stupid enough to let fiona drag me here.
Look, doctor, I am sure you are a genius at what you do, but plastic surgery is an actor's worst nightmare.
You stretch actors'faces so they don't have to stretch themselves.
Says the woman who hasn't landed a part deeper than a shot glass in 3 years.
Face it, carly.
No one wants to see a If she looks 35, maybe.
Show business is rough on you.
It's hard to find someone in this town who'll be honest with you.
Which is why we came to you, Dr.
Troy.
You're a fellow client.
We can trust you.
Tell us how you can refresh carly's face so we can refresh her career.
Well, let's start out on the right foot, shall we? Tell me,do you want cosmetic surgery? Look, I'm up for this really great part.
single mother, coal miner, with an autistic child.
and even if I don't get it, a part of me wants to take a stand.
I want to show everyone that a woman my age can be desirable without the help of science.
Sweetheart, you have a lovely little talent, and you make the most of it, but you've got 5 years left, and that's only if you let Dr.
Troy work his medical magic.
Well, maybe I can start out with that restylane or botox, you know, ease me into it.
What do you think, Dr.
Troy? - Honestly.
- Yes.
I don't think you need anything done.
Maybe a nice dinner by the beach, a great bottle of burgundy, and some decent conversation.
Aw,look at you,beautiful boy.
Where are you goin'? I'm taking carly to the ivy.
- Did you call a sitter? - No,but you're not doing anything.
I thought you turned down her surgery.
I did turn down her surgery.
Now I need to turn her on.
We're not gonna get anywhere in this town by giving carly summers a little botox.
She needs a face.
lift, a tit job, and whatever else I can seduce her into getting.
Good plan,huh? How'out I take the hollywood star out to dinner and you stay home with your son? I'll do the convincing.
Because I'm the charismatic salesman, and you're the talent.
That's the way it's always been.
Exactly why I left miami.
What are you, a camel? Pineapple juice, baby.
Makes a man's shooty.
shoot taste infinitely sweeter.
It's nature's guarantee of a second date.
Now, if you were any kind of salesman, you would have known that.
Come on, the next america's sweetheart who comes into our office is all yours.
Why didn't you hire a live.
in nanny like you said you would? I can't afford it now that we're paying fiona 5 grand a month.
Good night.
I love you.
Christian.
Hello.
Liz, slow down.
I can't understand you.
You think you're a great big barracuda, don't you? Well,I can jerk you like you're a guppy.
Get out of here! What the hell are you doing? Stop it.
I want you to pack up and get out.
- Or what? - Or I'm calling the police.
Course I sterilize.
I'm a professional.
What's going on with you? This is out of control.
*** You need therapy.
I had to call her, ok? I had to fire 5 people today by e.
mail.
This is a medical facility, Mr.
Easton, not a bedroom.
Or a dungeon.
One of them was my oldest friend out here.
You know I'm godfather to his daughter? There's this whole corporate merger in the wind.
Everything's shifting.
You are not in charge here.
You talk when I say you can talk.
Let me tell you something, doctor.
It's not easy being robert easton.
He isn't stupid.
He knows that underneath his "look how big my dick is" act that he's just a scared little boy who feeds off everyone else's talent and dreams.
He's nothing.
I have a gift.
I help keep men like bob from imploding with too much power.
Let me tell you something, mistress whomever.
You and your gift are not welcome here.
This is a place of healing.
You'd be fun to work with.
See you later, bobby.
So next time,maybe we should meet at the restaurant first.
Really? How come? You didn't like our first date? I did.
Trust me.
Trust you? Aren't you an actress? How could I trust an actress? I need to see for myself.
- No,you don'T.
- Oh,come on.
- No.
- What are you doing? Oh, my god.
Why are you being so shy all of a sudden? Look, I took over an hour getting ready for you, and, you know, you barely saw it, and now my hair is a wreck, and my makeup is all smeared, and.
Makeup? After the first time we met, I, uh.
I got the impression that you were very confident with your appearance.
I am.
I just.
I've just never slept with a plastic surgeon before.
Oh, god.
Imagine it's worse than a casting director.
Please.
You think I'm judging the way that you look now? You're beautiful.
- What? - God,you and the light.
What? I've never seen that before.
It's an original andrew macpherson.
- You know his work? - I have his book.
- Can you believe that was taken almost.
- 18 years ago,give or take 6 months.
How do you know that? They didn't airbrush back then like they do today.
I don't think I look that different.
Do you? Not at all.
Well, say I was gonna do that exact same picture today.
Like,would you have to fix anything to make me look like that again? Do you have a lipstick? Yeah.
Starting at the bottom.
The muscles in your calves and thighs, they soften after a woman turns 40, so I'd give you calf implants and, uh, liposuction through here and through here.
Of course some liposuction right here.
Now your boobs are still really perky, so I'd just maybe take 'em to a.
a high "b" and lift them just a little bit.
Now here the hard part.
A feather.
lift would take 6 years off the way you look now.
Through here, here.
The good news is if you get that coal miner role, nobody'll notice your ass in overalls, right? Let's focus,people.
I need a bruschetta, stat, extra cheese.
Ok, what the heck? Where are your pussy lips? I thought we were shooting.
Where are her pussy lips? No, you said we were just rehearsing.
Oh, god, of course.
I'm sorry.
I'm an asshole.
What's this? Why's.
what is this buck rogers bullshit, ok? I know it's real and everything, but can we spray it? - Freddie? - Yes,dear.
I just need to know,should i scream and break down and be terrified that I'm gonna die? Like this.
Watch.
I'm so terrified I'm gonna die.
Don't look at me like you just stepped in dog shit, freddie.
I'm just trying to give this thing some color.
- Oh,honey,I'm processing.
- All right.
I mean,don't you think we should just see her,you know,resist and resist, and then she should slowly reveal that when she was a little girl, she was sexually abused.
All right,let's do it.
Let's get it done.
- I feel good.
- Great.
Great.
- Claude,sides stat,please.
- Over here.
- Now,you take a 15 blade.
- All right.
- We'll just pantomime this for now.
- Ok.
But you hold it like this, and you start by excising the burnt skin.
Freddie,we have to do this real.
life shit? I don't wanna do all this real.
life shit.
I mean, they're not tuning in to see my hands.
It's more.
new idea.
New idea.
I actually think it's a mistake to underestimate the intelligence of your audience.
I think adding a little authenticity could make a huge difference.
You know what? I completely agree with you.
I mean, that's why I don't think she should give in so easily, you know.
I mean, I.
I think I should be flailing around, like.
- And then you should tie me down.
- With what? With some ropes.
- Do you know what's so magic for me? - What? - Is when I get to watch you listen.
- I can do that.
You know, you'll need a cap on when we're doing the surgery scenes.
You could look ridiculous when you don't wear a cap.
- Claude,caps,stat.
- No,no.
86 that.
Do you see this? See this hair? Yeah? This is why people tune in.
Ok, if i was balding in the temples like you, it'd be a different story.
- Excuse me? - Why don't we just rehearse the basic moves so it looks more real,ok? Just.
just if you could see the.
you make the cut here.
Hey, doc, you're a technical advisor, ok? You are not the director.
Freddie, why is it that we're in the plastic surgery capital of the world, and we're forced to work with these miami wannabes? Can you tell me that? You are not in charge here.
I have seen kids playing doctor who have better surgical technique than you do.
I'm giving you an opportunity to be more authentic.
I would take it if I were you.
- Holding it just like that.
- Ok.
It's just some skin that's right on the edge of the lip.
- So I just come in gently.
- Easy,easy.
- But don't really do it.
- Shh.
Don't.
don'T.
Just breathe.
Just like a little crescent moon? Game over, pally pal.
We finally have a real.
life patient.
Ah, at least you do, anyway.
They specifically requested me? Well, apparently you're the only one he trusts to keep his peekaboo scalp a secret.
I can't believe you'll let me go in front of millions of viewers showing off my shiny head.
The only time I see the top of your head is when it's covered.
Well, if that asshole's not wearing a cap, than neither am I.
Asshole's a vain narcissist without a shred of integrity.
I know.
He's a tv star.
What's on top of his head is more important than what's in it.
I get it.
It's hollywood, baby.
Plug me.
I'm sorry you didn't get the part.
Cameron diaz is 35.
She thinks being autistic means you can paint.
But I guess she's easier to light in a coal mine.
Which is why we're here.
- What's this? - A confidentiality agreement.
No one can find about carly's surgery.
It's straight.
You can sign it.
So what do we do first? Uh, feather.
lift, which only takes a few hours, so we can do your breast augmentation at the same time.
Are you sure this is something you'd wanna do? I'd hate to see you bowing to the superficial pressures of your industry.
- Is it going to hurt? - No more than having your teeth cleaned.
How exactly does the lift work? We begin by making a tiny incision in your scalp.
Then we slide in silicone cheek enhancers.
and then insert tiny threads into the cheeks and pull the facial muscle tight.
For the record, I continue to find your vanity ridiculous.
What are you gonna do if this reads on camera? Come on.
You're the one who in the miami days told our clients that microplugs are so realistic you can go back to work the next day.
What, I got.
I got 3 days before we shoot? Should be fine.
I need this.
Matt: Dear dad, enclosed, find a picture of the new bambino.
Her name is jenna.
Kimber named her after some sitcom actress in the church I've never heard of.
I know you wanted to be there to deliver my firstborn, dad.
I wanted that,too,but jenna came so quickly,there wouldn't have been enough time for you to get here anyway.
I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls.
You know how busy fatherhood is.
And kimber's good.
She loves bein'a mom.
I miss you, dad.
Show christian the picture and tell him I miss him, too.
I love you guys.
Matt.
Jesus christ! - What is it? What's wrong? - Look at this.
What? Let me see.
Let me see.
- What is it? - Folliculitis.
- Infection occurs in a small percentage of hair transplants.
- Weren't the instruments properly,uh.
This was probably caused by all that sweating you did in the tanning salon yesterday.
I told you to stay away from that until you're fully healed.
We need to look our best, right? It's our big break.
Why don't you just stay still? Come here.
Antiseptic cream or something? But I'm gonna be all right, right? - It's gonna be fine.
It's fine.
- Right? This was a mistake.
- It's just a minor infection.
- No,not your plugs.
Look at us, mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack tv show.
We're good surgeons.
Why live in a place that doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should've moved somewhere where substance reigns over style, like new york.
Julia's gone.
Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.
I miss my kids.
I miss annie laughing at me when I try to put her hair in a ponytail, conor's first smile in the morning.
I miss seeing matt with his child, our grandchild.
You can't get those moments back.
Look, you made a bold move comin'out here,partner,maybe the first one of your life.
Come on.
I mean, how many guys our age finally get the opportunity to get the recognition they deserve? This is just the beginning.
Fame isn't love, christian.
Getting it isn't gonna fill up some hole you've had inside you since you were a kid.
She's beautiful.
She looks just like me.
I wanna be here, man.
I mean,look at this place.
I can't do it without you.
So, you're gonna have to jump onboard, 'cause I ain't leavin'.
Come on.
Let's run some lines.
Not too much.
Freddie , I got the rewrite.
But I don't understand.
If you didn't like the way I was saying the line, why didn't you just tell me to my face? No,darling,it's not you.
You're gold.
I.
it's the standards and practices department.
You know, it's ok, you know, for tony soprano's best friend to be named pussy, but we're television, not hbo, so we can't use the p.
word on the network.
That's all.
But I can't say that.
I mean, it doesn't sound natural.
Allegra's a grown woman.
I mean,only a child would refer to her labia as a.
Candy, candy, candy, candy, she's a victim of abuse, ok? Any reference to her female parts infantilizes her, ok? End of story.
Now,I want you to play against the sound.
You wanna hear somethin', freddie? You are right.
Oh,my god.
You are a genius.
I'm infantilized.
Maybe i could gurgle like a baby, like.
Nana! Are you ready for your close.
up, Dr.
Mcnamara? I don't know about you,but I feel like my whole life has built up for this moment in time right now.
Do you realize that in one night, more people will see us than we'll meet in a whole lifetime.
- What are you lookin' at? - Nothing.
Just.
I think you need a little somethin'around the plugs.
Shit.
Seriously? Practically sprayed a whole can of spray.
paint on my head.
Well,they're pros.
I'm sure they know what they're talkin'about.
Tell me.
You tell me.
No, it's ok.
It's ok? It's fine.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
"A" camera marker.
You don't understand.
I can't wear my lady cha.
cha on my lips.
I just can'T.
It'll be a constant reminder of.
Of what, allegra? You can tell me.
I'm your doctor.
My father touched those lips.
He used to come into my room at night when I was a little girl and.
- Let it out.
- And abuse me.
I just can't wear my shame on my face.
No one will know I put your lady cha.
cha on your face.
I'm gonna get a humanitas for this.
- You have my word.
- Doctor.
You were right, doctor.
What is that, another surgeon, or is that a chia pet? That's.
that's disgusting.
Get.
get off him.
Elastic fibers allow for less contraction during the healing and recovery process.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
I'm pretty good at this.
Could hear a pin drop when I was saying my lines.
What are you doing here? Apparently the merger's official,and our little bobby has been asked to be chairman and C.
E.
O.
Of the parent company.
He's very excited, but understandably a little stressed.
Who is that,man? She's kind of hot.
Bob easton's one.
woman stress management.
Mr.
Easton, pull down the blanket.
I.
I'm good.
In shock.
I'm good.
I need to examine your sutures.
Let go of the blanket.
Jesus.
It's not her fault.
She wanted to stop, but i begged her to keep goin'.
I wanna thank you guys.
Lesser men would have kicked me to the curb.
You know, I'm having a hard time understanding how such a smart guy could be so stupid.
In addition to compromising our practice, you have any idea what lives in the human mouth? It's a cesspool.
You risked sepsis,hepatitis B.
I know.
I know.
For the record, I decided not to take the job.
I'm out.
You know,it's only a matter of time until this town eats you guys alive.
You may wanna pack up your scalpels and head back to miami while your souls are still intact.
Count back from 10 for me.
Oh, look.
That was a great idea.
You see the face? You don't understand.
I can't wear my lady cha.
cha on my lips.
Honey, if you can live with the shame of calling your labia minora a lady cha.
chas,then you can paint 'em bright orange and wear 'em on your forehead.
Of what, allegra? I'm your doctor.
You can tell me anything.
My father touched those lips.
He used to come into my room at night when I was a little girl and.
- Let it out.
- And abuse me.
Look, look.
Daddy's gonna be on tv.
Oh,sean,look.
You look really moved.
Hey, will you guys be.
- It was weird.
I sort of was.
No one will know I put your lady cha.
cha on your face.
You have my word.
Doctor.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
what? Wait,wait.
Doctor.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
They cut out the whole speech.
Oh, no, you're not, not completely.
- I mean,the back of your head,very distinctive.
- This is that aidan stone.
- I'm tellin' you,he felt threatened by me,couldn't handle the heat.
- Come on,christian.
It's just a stupid tv show.
What? Mcnamara/troy cannot be associated with this kind of schlock, my friend.
We have a reputation to protect.
They can take this shitty show and shove it up their asses.
We don't need that kind of exposure, sean.
We got carly,and our work will speak for itself.
You signed a confidentiality agreement, remember? - Yeah,yeah.
Whatever.
Excuse me.
Didn't I see you last night on hearts' scalpels? Last night's episode was awesome.
Everyone is talking about it.
Look.
It's the new cute doctor from hearts' scalpels.
Oh, wow.
You were great.
Well,actually I am.
They hired me to consult.
Hey, you're a real plastic surgeon? - Yes,I.
- Do you have a card? My wife's been hounding me to get some work done.
You must be pretty good.
Every surgeon in beverly hills must have been after that job.
Here.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Sure renault, right? Lipo's a harsh procedure.
The key is to use short, even strokes and avoid excessive bruising.
That looks just so real when you do it.
This is real, remember? Yeah,this is exactly how I want the show to look from now on.
I went online the other night after we aired and got our highest ratings ever.
You know what I kept reading about in all the hearts' scalpel chat rooms? Surgery.
They love the surgery.
Everybody thought that it brought a heightened sense of realism and.
and drama to the show.
- You're kidding.
- No,no.
- Me doing realistic surgery.
- You can't.
can't do that.
Right.
Right.
And you, my friend, you are the guy that's gonna make that happen.
I'm just happy to do my part.
Speaking of which, I want to talk to you about what happened on set the other day, how you spoke to me.
- Look,I didn't mean.
- Thank you.
I needed to hear it.
You know, it.
it's hard being the sole creative force behind a hit show.
Everything is riding on my broad shoulders all the time, and the pressure gets to me.
- What's he doing here? - Christopher.
Good to see you,my man.
Your better half's giving me some pointers on the show.
It's awesome stuff.
Listen, you have any notes in the next script, you give me a call, ok? Yeah.
We should do a meal soon.
You been to the ivy yet? You got my digits, right? Look at you.
Look at you.
It's christian.
So what's he talkin'about? I thought we agreed we weren't doing the tv show.
I never committed to that.
You're the one who wanted to quit because you were cut out.
- Is that the lady from.
- The hot dog stand.
Yeah.
And some cold calls came in this morning from fans of the show.
Great.
Now the ball's off and rolling, we don't have to do that stupid, shitty tv show, right? You can do what you want,but I'm doin'the show,christian.
Fiona was right.
It's good for business.
You mean it's good for your ego.
Everything's where it ought to be, minimal bruising and swelling.
What is it? Oh, I just didn't know it was gonna hurt so much.
I could up your morphine if you like.
No.
Uh.
Coming down off that stuff's A.
even bigger bitch.
I'm sorry.
I'm glad.
I needed to.
Right? See if we can move mrs.
Siebert's brow.
lift to 3:00.
That way, we can still fit in mrs.
Kashoggi's tummy tuck before she leaves for cabo.
Mrs.
Kashoggi was very clear.
Seems like business is finally picking up.
Do I need to take out a restraining order? Leave.
I watched you on television last night, doctor.
You were very handsome and very convincing.
I can already tell you're gonna do quite well for yourself in this town.
That's right, which means we don't need to see you or your sicko clients any longer.
Have you seen today's variety? This sicko has just climbed up another rung on the ladder.
"Bob easton named C.
E.
O.
After merger.
I guess the rush of power's just too addictive to walk away from.
Call me.
I don't need your kind of help.
You will.
Us weekly.
This is miranda speaking.
Guess who just got a face.
lift.
Yes, that carly summers.
It doesn't matter who I am, but, uh, the surgeon who did her work is Dr.
Christian troy.
Nip/Tuck Season 5 Episode 1
Think you can get inside of me now? Hey, that's a foul.
Now, look, real men don't cheat.
They do if they wanna win.
Face it, partner.
You can't dominate me.
Never have.
Never will.
Come on.
You're just gonna scuff the new floor.
Who cares? It's not like we got patients in here to complain.
Yes! It's been 2 months without even a botox shot, christian.
So far,the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in los angeles is a better hook shot.
I wouldn't go that far.
- Look,we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy,right? - Yeah.
But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.
- Worked the first time we started a business together.
- At 25,baby.
At 40,you gotta go all out.
We owned miami, right? - Yeah.
- Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.
Speak o'the devil.
Repo man.
He's in your office.
Repo man? Sorry, doc.
You haven't paid your bill.
But I just sent a check last week.
And it bounced higher than hendrix was at woodstock.
You can't kidnap our fish.
Can't work for free either.
If I stop comin'to clean the tanks,the little guys go belly up.
Oh, I'll tell you what.
I don't wanna terrorize the little aqua dudes here,and they're just settlin'in.
I'll give you a week.
- Cool? - Cool.
I knew this was a mistake.
I knew investing all our settlement money from michelle into a rodeo drive sinkhole was gonna bite us right in the ass.
Perhaps you could save your ass by selling off that disgustingly extravagant malibu beach pad.
No way.
Image is everything in this town.
Besides, if I sell the malibu compound, where's my partner gonna stay, huh, in your hideous silver lake one bedroom? I'm only bunking with you because I'm up to my ass in alimony and child support.
- You're gonna need a bigger boat.
- What? Jaws, first time brody sees the shark.
You guys are in over your heads.
You're chum being devoured by all the rodeo drive great whites.
You gotta have faith, lizzie.
The patients will come.
Faith ain't gonna cut it out here, christian.
You want the hollywood dream, you gotta go out and get it, not wait to be discovered, so get up off your asses and go get some.
Get some tits while you're at it, too.
Necks,chins,sagging vaginas.
This is los angeles,for god's sake.
I think lizzie's right.
We need to go on a fishing expedition of our own.
What are we gonna use as bait? Us.
- What's the plan? - Divide and conquer.
Dr.
Christian troy, plastic surgeon.
Actors are judged by their appearance.
Maybe we could freshen you up a bit for your next audition.
That is so sweet, but I get all my work done with Dr.
Eskandarian.
Dr.
Thayer did my chin implant.
My lips.
My vagina.
My tits.
He does all the big stars.
He actually shaved down the bump on my nose a few months ago.
- You ever done anyone famous? - Uh,we almost worked on joan rivers.
Sean: Something wrong? It's just that most guys your age who come in wearing suits like that are agents.
Mine just dropped me, so I was hoping you were one.
I'm the west coast editor of us weekly.
If you ever do someone important, give me a call.
It's anonymous.
Jesus.
Has anyone in this town not had plastic surgery? I feel like I'm tryin'to sell semen at a whorehouse.
Uncut flesh 11:00.
Hi.
I'm Dr.
Christian troy.
- This is my partner.
- Dr.
Sean mcnamara.
We're plastic surgeons.
I.
I've always resisted getting anything done.
Well, maybe you haven't met the right surgeons yet.
- We're new in town,from miami.
- Miami,yeah.
We'd love you to come in for a consult.
- Free consult.
- Free consult.
And then will I be happy? Well.
You're both cute as clams, and I don't know how they do business in miami, but in hollywood, trolling for business at a nightclub isn't a savvy marketing technique.
It's pathetic.
And if you wanna make it in this town,you're gonna have to do a better job of selling yourselves.
What makes you the expert, huh? See those blondes over there? The one on the right is a client of mine.
She's got as many gold records as she has trips to rehab.
That's her mother buying her shots.
I'm here to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't completely destroy the image I worked my ass off creating for her.
Fiona mcneil, publicist.
I think our credentials speak for themselves.
Been written up in the new england journal of medicine And how many times have you been written up in people magazine,hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from harvard.
It's not what you've done.
It's whom.
Celebrity is power.
Well, we're screwed.
We can't get a celebrity until we've operated on a celebrity.
- Or become celebrities yourself.
- You mean advertise? Anyone can advertise, but not everyone can get exposure.
What's the difference? Difference is you don't look like the one placing the ad.
That's publicity.
That's what I do better than anyone in this town for 5,000 a month.
We don't have it.
Too bad, puppy,'cause I have a unique opportunity that would fit you guys like a surgeon's glove.
We've got it.
- What is it? - Hearts 'n scalpels.
You guys don't watch television? Hearts' scalpels is a fantastic new series about plastic surgery.
The show runner happens to be a client of mine, and he's looking for a medical adviser to help him with the technical stuff.
Are you saying that being on a tv show would give us credibility? Bingo.
I think he's got it.
Bet you never seen a view like this, have you, baby? It's so beautiful.
I think I can see all the way to canada.
That's not the view I'm talkin'about.
Oh, Dr.
Clift.
I don't know about this.
I'm just a first.
year plastic surgery resident.
Oh,and I'm just showin' you how I operate.
Think of me as your first lesson.
They should just be honest and rename this show shit.
Shit.
You're so hot.
Who is this aidan stone douche? He's hilarious.
He's ridiculous.
He thinks he's james bond or something.
He's not even that good.
looking.
I'm hotter than he is.
We're sailin'on the water,baby.
You're sailin' with the doctor.
This is really bad.
- It's pretty good.
- Real bad.
- I don't even know what you're lookin'.
- It's entertaining.
Yeah? Car accident? I'll be there in 10.
It is pretty fun.
*** You think they know it's funny? Supposed to be like a drama, right? Removed her cheek implants from her esophagus.
She's still gonna need a complete facial reconstruction here.
Where's the doctor? Where is the doctor? Someone call for a plastic surgeon? What the hell is this? They don't wear masks or hats? You're gonna be fine.
10 blade.
She's crashing! Oh, god! Get the crash cart! - Stat! - Give me the paddles.
Give me paddles.
Stat.
- Paddles! - Let's go.
Paddles.
- All right,put it up to 380.
- 380.
380.
Clear.
Sean: Look at those tits.
- All right,all right,360.
- 360.
360! - No,no,no.
460.
460.
- Four.
460! -Clear! -Clear! Nothing! 580, now! Man,come on.
Look.
Look at that.
Get rid of these.
Get rid of these.
- I want one milligram of epi right now.
- Epi.
Gram.
- Doctor.
Stat.
- All right.
Stat.
- I said you,doctor.
- I.
I'm doing it.
Not on my watch.
I'm not losing another one.
I am not losing another one.
I sure hope she can sing in her daughter's wedding on saturday.
Doctor, I want you to go outside to the waiting room.
I want you to tell her daughter that I am not gonna ruin her wedding.
Do you understand me? - I understand.
- Now! And I wanna see a little better bedside manner next time! We're savin'a life today,guys.
We're all here for it.
We are saving a life today, people.
Christian: Her face completely healed in 3 days.
I mean,the whole thing was wildly unrealistic.
Being linked to that show could destroy our professional reputations.
We'll get referrals.
We'll find patients.
- We're not that desperate,are we? - Maybe not,boys.
Our first consult's in sean's office.
Tell us what you don't like about yourself, Mr.
Gorchek.
Oh, that's ok.
You can use my real name.
I just.
I said that so your secretary wouldn't post me on defamer.
That just proves my instincts were.
dead on.
That's why I came to you guys and not one of the big surgeons.
Bob easton ring a bell? Chairman, chief executive officer of the biggest studio in town.
Quarterly profits never been higher.
My movies are smart and entertaining.
Well, we're delighted you chose us, Mr.
Easton.
What can we do for you? I'm gonna be spending the holidays at the four seasons in kona.
The entire town's gonna be there.
Need you guys to make these invisible by the time I'm poolside.
It's where I do the bulk of my business for the next fiscal year.
Did you have a run.
in with a dog? When my mistress puts my collar and leash on, I'm the dog.
- Your dominatrix inflicted these? - Yeah,and she's not cheap either.
Still,no scotch,no yoga class,no hot rock therapy ever helped me like mistress dark pain does.
Sounds like living the dream has its price.
Of course it does.
Eat your young on a regular basis, what do you expect? All day long, I'm the one with the control, the power.
When sweet mistress dark pain takes it all away from me, sometimes twice during oscar season, every bite somehow restores the balance, keeps me real, you know? Anyway,how soon can we get it taken care of? We're,uh,pretty booked up this week.
How'out next tuesday? Please, this place is deader than my nana.
Today.
Make it happen.
Thought we left miami so we didn't have to deal with freaks like this guy.
- One client at a time,chri.
- Bullshit,sean.
I'm a jackrabbit.
I don't do slow and steady.
I paid my dues, and i want some overnight success.
Out of the way,wiggy.
You'll lose a lot more than your head.
Jesus.
You have no idea how stressful it can be running a television show.
Everybody wants you.
Everybody's relying on you, you know, the studio, the network.
Rose bowl parade, they want me on a float.
God, the steering on this thing is so tight.
It's germanic or something.
It's brand.
new.
Anyway,fiona recommends you guys very,very highly.
She's been very helpful to us since our move out here from miami.
I think she heard about our more prestigious cases and thought that us working together might be mutually beneficial.
Watch it, spartacus! It's not a soccer field.
Look, there's achilles, too.
Get it? So,listen.
I have a very important question I need to ask you.
Scale of 1 to 10, what do you think of my show? - 5.
- 10.
Sorry.
It's just from a medical standpoint, the procedures look really phony.
Who's the lead guy? I mean,he's totally unrealistic.
Women 18 to 49, they love aidan stone.
And he has a huge following amongst the gays.
But I don't know, you know.
Sounds like maybe this isn't the right show for you guys.
Not only could we make your medical stuff more realistic.
We could give you examples of cases we've worked on for 15 years.
It'd give you credibility.
What the hell is this shit, freddie? A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on.
This is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do until your fifth season.
I thought.
I thought.
What? What'd you think? No.
No, no, you didn'T.
No,you didn't think,'cause you're too busy parading around in that god.
ugly jumpsuit like some faggy fat.
ass chorus girl.
Why don't you just fire those hackity.
hack writers before I quit and you're forced to start running craft service.
I mean, look at your body.
What happened to the program I set up for you? It is so depressing.
Uh,so where were we? You gonna let that son of a bitch talk to you that way? Who? Oh, aidan? He's a sweetie.
You know, he's, um.
sensitive, and he's damaged, and, um, you know, he's a.
he's frustrated.
Are you all right? Just got low blood sugar, and I need to eat something right now.
Ok, wheat, sugar, poo, poo, crap.
Paco, why is everything still fried? Still? I'm getting tits like a girl.
Truth is aidan's right.
I'm in over my head, way over my head.
Start production on episode 6 on tuesday, and I have no case, and I can't keep ripping off episodes of chicago hope.
They'll start suing me.
I need something sexy.
I need a ratings grabber.
Jesus christ.
Chicken fingers.
Goddamn it.
Well, we had a case a couple of years ago.
Remember, sean? This, uh, woman came into our office.
She'd burned her lips off in a cooking accident.
Right.
We had to do a graft using skin from her vagina.
The only trouble was her husband didn't like oral sex, so she couldn't let him know where the skin came from.
We called her pussy lips.
I'd watch a show with pussy lips on it.
How soon can you start? We're not interested in just being consultants, Mr.
Prune.
- We're not? - We want producer credits and the occasional line.
Pussy lips.
God, I love it.
Let's get to work.
Let me start off by saying I'm a huge fan.
Of all the romantic comedies I've been dragged to by my girlfriends over the years, yours are the ones I hated the least.
So,tell me what you don't like about yourself,ms.
Summers.
Um, that I was stupid enough to let fiona drag me here.
Look, doctor, I am sure you are a genius at what you do, but plastic surgery is an actor's worst nightmare.
You stretch actors'faces so they don't have to stretch themselves.
Says the woman who hasn't landed a part deeper than a shot glass in 3 years.
Face it, carly.
No one wants to see a If she looks 35, maybe.
Show business is rough on you.
It's hard to find someone in this town who'll be honest with you.
Which is why we came to you, Dr.
Troy.
You're a fellow client.
We can trust you.
Tell us how you can refresh carly's face so we can refresh her career.
Well, let's start out on the right foot, shall we? Tell me,do you want cosmetic surgery? Look, I'm up for this really great part.
single mother, coal miner, with an autistic child.
and even if I don't get it, a part of me wants to take a stand.
I want to show everyone that a woman my age can be desirable without the help of science.
Sweetheart, you have a lovely little talent, and you make the most of it, but you've got 5 years left, and that's only if you let Dr.
Troy work his medical magic.
Well, maybe I can start out with that restylane or botox, you know, ease me into it.
What do you think, Dr.
Troy? - Honestly.
- Yes.
I don't think you need anything done.
Maybe a nice dinner by the beach, a great bottle of burgundy, and some decent conversation.
Aw,look at you,beautiful boy.
Where are you goin'? I'm taking carly to the ivy.
- Did you call a sitter? - No,but you're not doing anything.
I thought you turned down her surgery.
I did turn down her surgery.
Now I need to turn her on.
We're not gonna get anywhere in this town by giving carly summers a little botox.
She needs a face.
lift, a tit job, and whatever else I can seduce her into getting.
Good plan,huh? How'out I take the hollywood star out to dinner and you stay home with your son? I'll do the convincing.
Because I'm the charismatic salesman, and you're the talent.
That's the way it's always been.
Exactly why I left miami.
What are you, a camel? Pineapple juice, baby.
Makes a man's shooty.
shoot taste infinitely sweeter.
It's nature's guarantee of a second date.
Now, if you were any kind of salesman, you would have known that.
Come on, the next america's sweetheart who comes into our office is all yours.
Why didn't you hire a live.
in nanny like you said you would? I can't afford it now that we're paying fiona 5 grand a month.
Good night.
I love you.
Christian.
Hello.
Liz, slow down.
I can't understand you.
You think you're a great big barracuda, don't you? Well,I can jerk you like you're a guppy.
Get out of here! What the hell are you doing? Stop it.
I want you to pack up and get out.
- Or what? - Or I'm calling the police.
Course I sterilize.
I'm a professional.
What's going on with you? This is out of control.
*** You need therapy.
I had to call her, ok? I had to fire 5 people today by e.
mail.
This is a medical facility, Mr.
Easton, not a bedroom.
Or a dungeon.
One of them was my oldest friend out here.
You know I'm godfather to his daughter? There's this whole corporate merger in the wind.
Everything's shifting.
You are not in charge here.
You talk when I say you can talk.
Let me tell you something, doctor.
It's not easy being robert easton.
He isn't stupid.
He knows that underneath his "look how big my dick is" act that he's just a scared little boy who feeds off everyone else's talent and dreams.
He's nothing.
I have a gift.
I help keep men like bob from imploding with too much power.
Let me tell you something, mistress whomever.
You and your gift are not welcome here.
This is a place of healing.
You'd be fun to work with.
See you later, bobby.
So next time,maybe we should meet at the restaurant first.
Really? How come? You didn't like our first date? I did.
Trust me.
Trust you? Aren't you an actress? How could I trust an actress? I need to see for myself.
- No,you don'T.
- Oh,come on.
- No.
- What are you doing? Oh, my god.
Why are you being so shy all of a sudden? Look, I took over an hour getting ready for you, and, you know, you barely saw it, and now my hair is a wreck, and my makeup is all smeared, and.
Makeup? After the first time we met, I, uh.
I got the impression that you were very confident with your appearance.
I am.
I just.
I've just never slept with a plastic surgeon before.
Oh, god.
Imagine it's worse than a casting director.
Please.
You think I'm judging the way that you look now? You're beautiful.
- What? - God,you and the light.
What? I've never seen that before.
It's an original andrew macpherson.
- You know his work? - I have his book.
- Can you believe that was taken almost.
- 18 years ago,give or take 6 months.
How do you know that? They didn't airbrush back then like they do today.
I don't think I look that different.
Do you? Not at all.
Well, say I was gonna do that exact same picture today.
Like,would you have to fix anything to make me look like that again? Do you have a lipstick? Yeah.
Starting at the bottom.
The muscles in your calves and thighs, they soften after a woman turns 40, so I'd give you calf implants and, uh, liposuction through here and through here.
Of course some liposuction right here.
Now your boobs are still really perky, so I'd just maybe take 'em to a.
a high "b" and lift them just a little bit.
Now here the hard part.
A feather.
lift would take 6 years off the way you look now.
Through here, here.
The good news is if you get that coal miner role, nobody'll notice your ass in overalls, right? Let's focus,people.
I need a bruschetta, stat, extra cheese.
Ok, what the heck? Where are your pussy lips? I thought we were shooting.
Where are her pussy lips? No, you said we were just rehearsing.
Oh, god, of course.
I'm sorry.
I'm an asshole.
What's this? Why's.
what is this buck rogers bullshit, ok? I know it's real and everything, but can we spray it? - Freddie? - Yes,dear.
I just need to know,should i scream and break down and be terrified that I'm gonna die? Like this.
Watch.
I'm so terrified I'm gonna die.
Don't look at me like you just stepped in dog shit, freddie.
I'm just trying to give this thing some color.
- Oh,honey,I'm processing.
- All right.
I mean,don't you think we should just see her,you know,resist and resist, and then she should slowly reveal that when she was a little girl, she was sexually abused.
All right,let's do it.
Let's get it done.
- I feel good.
- Great.
Great.
- Claude,sides stat,please.
- Over here.
- Now,you take a 15 blade.
- All right.
- We'll just pantomime this for now.
- Ok.
But you hold it like this, and you start by excising the burnt skin.
Freddie,we have to do this real.
life shit? I don't wanna do all this real.
life shit.
I mean, they're not tuning in to see my hands.
It's more.
new idea.
New idea.
I actually think it's a mistake to underestimate the intelligence of your audience.
I think adding a little authenticity could make a huge difference.
You know what? I completely agree with you.
I mean, that's why I don't think she should give in so easily, you know.
I mean, I.
I think I should be flailing around, like.
- And then you should tie me down.
- With what? With some ropes.
- Do you know what's so magic for me? - What? - Is when I get to watch you listen.
- I can do that.
You know, you'll need a cap on when we're doing the surgery scenes.
You could look ridiculous when you don't wear a cap.
- Claude,caps,stat.
- No,no.
86 that.
Do you see this? See this hair? Yeah? This is why people tune in.
Ok, if i was balding in the temples like you, it'd be a different story.
- Excuse me? - Why don't we just rehearse the basic moves so it looks more real,ok? Just.
just if you could see the.
you make the cut here.
Hey, doc, you're a technical advisor, ok? You are not the director.
Freddie, why is it that we're in the plastic surgery capital of the world, and we're forced to work with these miami wannabes? Can you tell me that? You are not in charge here.
I have seen kids playing doctor who have better surgical technique than you do.
I'm giving you an opportunity to be more authentic.
I would take it if I were you.
- Holding it just like that.
- Ok.
It's just some skin that's right on the edge of the lip.
- So I just come in gently.
- Easy,easy.
- But don't really do it.
- Shh.
Don't.
don'T.
Just breathe.
Just like a little crescent moon? Game over, pally pal.
We finally have a real.
life patient.
Ah, at least you do, anyway.
They specifically requested me? Well, apparently you're the only one he trusts to keep his peekaboo scalp a secret.
I can't believe you'll let me go in front of millions of viewers showing off my shiny head.
The only time I see the top of your head is when it's covered.
Well, if that asshole's not wearing a cap, than neither am I.
Asshole's a vain narcissist without a shred of integrity.
I know.
He's a tv star.
What's on top of his head is more important than what's in it.
I get it.
It's hollywood, baby.
Plug me.
I'm sorry you didn't get the part.
Cameron diaz is 35.
She thinks being autistic means you can paint.
But I guess she's easier to light in a coal mine.
Which is why we're here.
- What's this? - A confidentiality agreement.
No one can find about carly's surgery.
It's straight.
You can sign it.
So what do we do first? Uh, feather.
lift, which only takes a few hours, so we can do your breast augmentation at the same time.
Are you sure this is something you'd wanna do? I'd hate to see you bowing to the superficial pressures of your industry.
- Is it going to hurt? - No more than having your teeth cleaned.
How exactly does the lift work? We begin by making a tiny incision in your scalp.
Then we slide in silicone cheek enhancers.
and then insert tiny threads into the cheeks and pull the facial muscle tight.
For the record, I continue to find your vanity ridiculous.
What are you gonna do if this reads on camera? Come on.
You're the one who in the miami days told our clients that microplugs are so realistic you can go back to work the next day.
What, I got.
I got 3 days before we shoot? Should be fine.
I need this.
Matt: Dear dad, enclosed, find a picture of the new bambino.
Her name is jenna.
Kimber named her after some sitcom actress in the church I've never heard of.
I know you wanted to be there to deliver my firstborn, dad.
I wanted that,too,but jenna came so quickly,there wouldn't have been enough time for you to get here anyway.
I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls.
You know how busy fatherhood is.
And kimber's good.
She loves bein'a mom.
I miss you, dad.
Show christian the picture and tell him I miss him, too.
I love you guys.
Matt.
Jesus christ! - What is it? What's wrong? - Look at this.
What? Let me see.
Let me see.
- What is it? - Folliculitis.
- Infection occurs in a small percentage of hair transplants.
- Weren't the instruments properly,uh.
This was probably caused by all that sweating you did in the tanning salon yesterday.
I told you to stay away from that until you're fully healed.
We need to look our best, right? It's our big break.
Why don't you just stay still? Come here.
Antiseptic cream or something? But I'm gonna be all right, right? - It's gonna be fine.
It's fine.
- Right? This was a mistake.
- It's just a minor infection.
- No,not your plugs.
Look at us, mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack tv show.
We're good surgeons.
Why live in a place that doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should've moved somewhere where substance reigns over style, like new york.
Julia's gone.
Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.
I miss my kids.
I miss annie laughing at me when I try to put her hair in a ponytail, conor's first smile in the morning.
I miss seeing matt with his child, our grandchild.
You can't get those moments back.
Look, you made a bold move comin'out here,partner,maybe the first one of your life.
Come on.
I mean, how many guys our age finally get the opportunity to get the recognition they deserve? This is just the beginning.
Fame isn't love, christian.
Getting it isn't gonna fill up some hole you've had inside you since you were a kid.
She's beautiful.
She looks just like me.
I wanna be here, man.
I mean,look at this place.
I can't do it without you.
So, you're gonna have to jump onboard, 'cause I ain't leavin'.
Come on.
Let's run some lines.
Not too much.
Freddie , I got the rewrite.
But I don't understand.
If you didn't like the way I was saying the line, why didn't you just tell me to my face? No,darling,it's not you.
You're gold.
I.
it's the standards and practices department.
You know, it's ok, you know, for tony soprano's best friend to be named pussy, but we're television, not hbo, so we can't use the p.
word on the network.
That's all.
But I can't say that.
I mean, it doesn't sound natural.
Allegra's a grown woman.
I mean,only a child would refer to her labia as a.
Candy, candy, candy, candy, she's a victim of abuse, ok? Any reference to her female parts infantilizes her, ok? End of story.
Now,I want you to play against the sound.
You wanna hear somethin', freddie? You are right.
Oh,my god.
You are a genius.
I'm infantilized.
Maybe i could gurgle like a baby, like.
Nana! Are you ready for your close.
up, Dr.
Mcnamara? I don't know about you,but I feel like my whole life has built up for this moment in time right now.
Do you realize that in one night, more people will see us than we'll meet in a whole lifetime.
- What are you lookin' at? - Nothing.
Just.
I think you need a little somethin'around the plugs.
Shit.
Seriously? Practically sprayed a whole can of spray.
paint on my head.
Well,they're pros.
I'm sure they know what they're talkin'about.
Tell me.
You tell me.
No, it's ok.
It's ok? It's fine.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
"A" camera marker.
You don't understand.
I can't wear my lady cha.
cha on my lips.
I just can'T.
It'll be a constant reminder of.
Of what, allegra? You can tell me.
I'm your doctor.
My father touched those lips.
He used to come into my room at night when I was a little girl and.
- Let it out.
- And abuse me.
I just can't wear my shame on my face.
No one will know I put your lady cha.
cha on your face.
I'm gonna get a humanitas for this.
- You have my word.
- Doctor.
You were right, doctor.
What is that, another surgeon, or is that a chia pet? That's.
that's disgusting.
Get.
get off him.
Elastic fibers allow for less contraction during the healing and recovery process.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
I'm pretty good at this.
Could hear a pin drop when I was saying my lines.
What are you doing here? Apparently the merger's official,and our little bobby has been asked to be chairman and C.
E.
O.
Of the parent company.
He's very excited, but understandably a little stressed.
Who is that,man? She's kind of hot.
Bob easton's one.
woman stress management.
Mr.
Easton, pull down the blanket.
I.
I'm good.
In shock.
I'm good.
I need to examine your sutures.
Let go of the blanket.
Jesus.
It's not her fault.
She wanted to stop, but i begged her to keep goin'.
I wanna thank you guys.
Lesser men would have kicked me to the curb.
You know, I'm having a hard time understanding how such a smart guy could be so stupid.
In addition to compromising our practice, you have any idea what lives in the human mouth? It's a cesspool.
You risked sepsis,hepatitis B.
I know.
I know.
For the record, I decided not to take the job.
I'm out.
You know,it's only a matter of time until this town eats you guys alive.
You may wanna pack up your scalpels and head back to miami while your souls are still intact.
Count back from 10 for me.
Oh, look.
That was a great idea.
You see the face? You don't understand.
I can't wear my lady cha.
cha on my lips.
Honey, if you can live with the shame of calling your labia minora a lady cha.
chas,then you can paint 'em bright orange and wear 'em on your forehead.
Of what, allegra? I'm your doctor.
You can tell me anything.
My father touched those lips.
He used to come into my room at night when I was a little girl and.
- Let it out.
- And abuse me.
Look, look.
Daddy's gonna be on tv.
Oh,sean,look.
You look really moved.
Hey, will you guys be.
- It was weird.
I sort of was.
No one will know I put your lady cha.
cha on your face.
You have my word.
Doctor.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
what? Wait,wait.
Doctor.
She's ready when you are, doctor.
They cut out the whole speech.
Oh, no, you're not, not completely.
- I mean,the back of your head,very distinctive.
- This is that aidan stone.
- I'm tellin' you,he felt threatened by me,couldn't handle the heat.
- Come on,christian.
It's just a stupid tv show.
What? Mcnamara/troy cannot be associated with this kind of schlock, my friend.
We have a reputation to protect.
They can take this shitty show and shove it up their asses.
We don't need that kind of exposure, sean.
We got carly,and our work will speak for itself.
You signed a confidentiality agreement, remember? - Yeah,yeah.
Whatever.
Excuse me.
Didn't I see you last night on hearts' scalpels? Last night's episode was awesome.
Everyone is talking about it.
Look.
It's the new cute doctor from hearts' scalpels.
Oh, wow.
You were great.
Well,actually I am.
They hired me to consult.
Hey, you're a real plastic surgeon? - Yes,I.
- Do you have a card? My wife's been hounding me to get some work done.
You must be pretty good.
Every surgeon in beverly hills must have been after that job.
Here.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Sure renault, right? Lipo's a harsh procedure.
The key is to use short, even strokes and avoid excessive bruising.
That looks just so real when you do it.
This is real, remember? Yeah,this is exactly how I want the show to look from now on.
I went online the other night after we aired and got our highest ratings ever.
You know what I kept reading about in all the hearts' scalpel chat rooms? Surgery.
They love the surgery.
Everybody thought that it brought a heightened sense of realism and.
and drama to the show.
- You're kidding.
- No,no.
- Me doing realistic surgery.
- You can't.
can't do that.
Right.
Right.
And you, my friend, you are the guy that's gonna make that happen.
I'm just happy to do my part.
Speaking of which, I want to talk to you about what happened on set the other day, how you spoke to me.
- Look,I didn't mean.
- Thank you.
I needed to hear it.
You know, it.
it's hard being the sole creative force behind a hit show.
Everything is riding on my broad shoulders all the time, and the pressure gets to me.
- What's he doing here? - Christopher.
Good to see you,my man.
Your better half's giving me some pointers on the show.
It's awesome stuff.
Listen, you have any notes in the next script, you give me a call, ok? Yeah.
We should do a meal soon.
You been to the ivy yet? You got my digits, right? Look at you.
Look at you.
It's christian.
So what's he talkin'about? I thought we agreed we weren't doing the tv show.
I never committed to that.
You're the one who wanted to quit because you were cut out.
- Is that the lady from.
- The hot dog stand.
Yeah.
And some cold calls came in this morning from fans of the show.
Great.
Now the ball's off and rolling, we don't have to do that stupid, shitty tv show, right? You can do what you want,but I'm doin'the show,christian.
Fiona was right.
It's good for business.
You mean it's good for your ego.
Everything's where it ought to be, minimal bruising and swelling.
What is it? Oh, I just didn't know it was gonna hurt so much.
I could up your morphine if you like.
No.
Uh.
Coming down off that stuff's A.
even bigger bitch.
I'm sorry.
I'm glad.
I needed to.
Right? See if we can move mrs.
Siebert's brow.
lift to 3:00.
That way, we can still fit in mrs.
Kashoggi's tummy tuck before she leaves for cabo.
Mrs.
Kashoggi was very clear.
Seems like business is finally picking up.
Do I need to take out a restraining order? Leave.
I watched you on television last night, doctor.
You were very handsome and very convincing.
I can already tell you're gonna do quite well for yourself in this town.
That's right, which means we don't need to see you or your sicko clients any longer.
Have you seen today's variety? This sicko has just climbed up another rung on the ladder.
"Bob easton named C.
E.
O.
After merger.
I guess the rush of power's just too addictive to walk away from.
Call me.
I don't need your kind of help.
You will.
Us weekly.
This is miranda speaking.
Guess who just got a face.
lift.
Yes, that carly summers.
It doesn't matter who I am, but, uh, the surgeon who did her work is Dr.
Christian troy.
Nip/Tuck Season 5 Episode 1