Robot Chicken s05e01 Episode Script

All right.
We've been doing this for four seasons.
You know the drill.
Fast and hard, people.
Blam! Let's give them all a taste of the bitch pudding! I can't promise everyone they'll survive season five, but I know you'll make me proud.
Sunshine Cowboy, you're new, so I'm expecting great things.
Let's do it! Aah! Aw! I'll tell your story.
I'll tell Seth Green's story.
Your story has less commercial appeal.
No! Water! My only weakness! Aw, bullets! My only weakness! Oh! Geez, I can't believe they think a "Saving Private Ryan" parody is still fresh and original.
I need a medic up in this bitch! Looks like someone hasn't been flossing.
Ow! You one-dimensional son of a whore! Our father, who farts in heaven, Halloween thy name! Oh! Who's even shooting at us?! It's just a metaphor for season five, stupid! Aw, "Parent Trap," "Mean Girls," "Herbie," "Georgia Rule.
" "I Know Who Killed Me.
" Ba-bawk! Robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n thank you, Jesus, we're renewed without a paycheck, we'd be screwed, oh! I spent mine on meth so did Matt and Seth I'm not gonna lie to you no! robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n ♪ robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n, ow! ♪ Ah-choo! I-is someone there? I tried.
Sorry, honey, sorry.
I just got to crap like a bastard.
I can't wait.
This is getting Oh, boy, that is Here comes the second! Oh, God! So long, assholes! I won't last 10 days in prison.
Blockheads, you are charged with murder in the first degree of Glen Gumberson, A.
K.
A.
Gumby.
How does the jury find? Guilty as [bleep.]
Sentencing is scheduled for Now, and it's death.
Mom, can we have a snack? Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Voldemort! Hey, no-nose! Smell you later, sir.
Where's your [bleep.]
nose, man? I'm sick of all the stares.
I want the nose job.
This is a big decision.
You need to be 100% sure you're ready.
I'm ready.
Cut me! A nice nose That is a great-looking nose.
Nose.
Wonderful no Ow! Thanks for the new wand, Mr.
Ollivander.
Nothing's too good for James Potter.
Ow! My [bleep.]
no Ow! Oh, do you validate? Sorry, no.
I'll get you, Potter, someday! Hey, Voldemort, why so bent out of shape? He looks angry enough to kill that guy's baby.
I can watch my kids bang on pots and pans at home for free.
Please, God, make it stop.
I can't do it anymore.
Oh! Hoo-ah! oh! Hoo-ah! I can't take it anymore.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Ho! A skydiving proposal? Baby, of course I'll marry you! I wish my parents could see this! Then maybe you should turn around.
Mom, dad! Congratulations, honey! Now, you treat her right, you hear? This calls for a toast.
Bubbly, anyone? Champagne? What a surprise.
Amazing! Who is that? Ted! How could you do it, Cindy? How could you say yes to him?! Put the gun down, you're mine, Cindy! You can't have her! She's mine! God damn it! Take it! Don't! Don't! No! Oh, shh, shh! It's okay.
It's all over now.
It's all over now.
Build, build, build work, work, work without the work, we'd go berserk Good afternoon, my doozer brethren.
Everyone working hard today? You better believe it.
We love to work.
You are preaching to the mother-f'ing choir there, my friends.
How about you? You like to work? Y-yes.
Oh, yeah? What do you like more, putting scaffolding up or taking it down? Me love the fraggle rock.
Yeah, yeah.
Me love the fraggle rock, too.
Let me see your work visa, son.
Me love the fraggle rock? All right, all right, okay.
Get this guy out of here.
M-me love That is a one-way ticket back across the border, son.
Shut it down, doozers! I think we almost won today.
Good effort.
Oh, shut up, beast man! He-Man put his heel right in my balls, did a [bleep.]
pirouette! I can still feel them unwinding.
What?! Well, I'm sorry, choppers, but your adjustable-rate mortgage came due.
But but but this balloon payment is astronomical! You never told me that I was It's called "fine print," chuckles.
Maybe you need some eyeballs instead of those eye holes.
Oh, I'll get the money When I crush He-Man once Bud, lie to me, but don't lie to yourself.
You really gonna crush He-Man by the 15th of this month? Eeeeaaaaah! Well that property's, what, 12,000 square feet? Duplex that bitch.
Okay, well, rent's due on the first of the month, and I will hold your security deposit in escrow Dude, I've never got a security deposit back in my life.
What? Bros! Our landlord is Jack Skellington! Whoo! Oh, damn it! What the Panthor! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Hey! Douche bag! Turn this crap down! How do you hear music with no ears? Magic, asshole.
Is that my havoc staff?! This is a mystical artifact! You can't just Uhhhhh!! RightIntoMyEyeholes.
Ah, Skellington! You are always grinning, man! I'm not grinning! I'm furious! Absolutely furious! Naw-haw-haw! You grinnin', man.
You here to party! No! I'm here to tell you There's a rival frat that's totally talking crap all about you, man! Say what? No way! Yep.
They say you're not the number-one frat at Eternia Tech anymore.
The hell we aren't! We'll show those assholes! Yeah! Whoo! Who's the number-one frat now, retards? We'll be right down.
Ahh.
You're still overdue on that mortgage, Smurfy.
Oh, I've got a solution for that, too.
What are you doing?! Oh, I don't know.
What am I doing? Mr.
Skeletor, I don't know what you're suggesting, but Close the door.
No teeth, okay? Yeah, good luck with that.