Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s05e01 Episode Script
Joshua
He's brash, he's bold, and he takes no prisoners,
except for Moltar and zorak.
Hey, how you doing?
This ray has your name on it,
but only if your name is destructo--
Peter destructo.
Peter destructo.
His name?
Space Ghost.
Yes, he's Space Ghost, and he's your
new worldwide marketing tool 2000.
When it comes to your product or business,
he's your space-age packhorse.
Saddle me up, and ride me into the future.
Hi. I'm David Caldwell.
Hi. I'm David Caldwell.
Get ready for the adventure of a lifetime.
Welcome to ghost planet industries--
gateway to humor for literally hundreds
of television viewers.
For literally hundreds of television viewers.
It all starts with the Space Ghost from coast to coast writers.
Here they are hard at work,
fine-tuning a script for an upcoming episode.
We'd better leave them to their work.
They've got more comedy to write.
Each of the jokes written by the comedy
writing team are factory tested in
a g.P.I. Research laboratory using
randomly selected focus group viewers.
That's not my hand.
It's my pincer.
Ooh, that line needs a little reworking.
That's not my hand.
It's my butt.
That's not my hand.
It's my butt.
It looks like we've got a winner.
We'll take a closer look it looks like we've got a winner.
We'll take a closer look at the making
of Space Ghost from coast
to coast in a moment, but first
It's a brand-new world.
Everything you wear The sneakers on your feet--branded,
the hat on your head-- branded.
How about the coffee you drink?
All branded.
It's time for me and you to learn a little bit about branding.
Space Ghost, do you mean branding with a hot iron?
Ha ha ha.
No, Moltar.
Not t type of branding.
Then tell us, Space Ghost, what's branding?
Here. Let me explain.
Here. Let me explain.
Let's say you have a rowboat, a cow, and the big man.
You mean Clarence clemons?
Of course.
Now, the cow wants to transport
Clarence across the river, but remember,
the cow is on fire and Clarence
has no hands or bucket, so he has
to utilize his hooks and the mighty power of his saxophone.
Space Ghost is talking about the 3 rs--
reliability, ratings, and delivery.
Reliability, ratings, and delivery.
Let's start with "r" number one
Based on our analysis of relative price value factors,
subjective hosted-product placement
decisions versus generic yield
acceptability, versus generic yield acceptability,
our directly-linked-to-network
programming identity, and the investment
in demographic-icon synergisticality.
It's that simple and that hard.
Let's look at "r" number 2.
What's the real power of me?
Space Ghost is talking about the Remember,
power is not a dirty word.
Remember, power is not a dirty word.
In a moment, we'll take a closer look at Space Ghost
as a feature benefit model.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
But first, this
An integral element of the success that is Space Ghost
from coast to coast is the remarkable celebrity interviews.
Here's a sneak peek at an upcoming
interview with the one and only
Tony Bennett.
Greetings Now let's join Space
Ghost now let's join Space Ghost
and the star of carpool and big bul tom Arnold.
And the star of carpool and big bul tom Arnold.
Actually, that second show was called tom.
This show is called the tom show , which is different than that
because I think it's easier to find in the tv guide.
You should call it tommy.
I thought of that.
My grandma thought of that, but, you know-- how about
tom tom the tom?
What was that again, tom tom the tom?
No. Tom tom the tom tom
Tom.
That's--that's good.
I mean That's-- that's--that's ok.
Hey! Moltar, put your pants on and direct the show!
Get lost, man!
Let's stop here.
We don't want to give too much away.
Now let's listen as Space Ghost tells
us about some of his upcoming guests.
Rap group afro-plane, female Kathy Kinney,
Ginny, the dog who saves cats,
Ginny, the dog who saves cats,
dinner & a movie hosts Paul and Annabelle Oh, hey there.
How you doing, Space Ghost?
From the pop group they might be giants--
John flansburgh, and special
surprise guest, William, the king of imagination.
William, the king of imagination.
My name is William.
I am the king of imagination.
I am a modern wizard in training.
Sporting goods Tennis, anyone?
Psychic advisor Only I can see your future.
I've been there.
Dermatological creams and jellies Wow! Look out, girls.
Wow! Look out, girls.
Who can turn the world on with a smile?
Space Ghost.
Who can take a nothing day and
suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
You know who.
You know who.
That's right.
And you, too, can take advantage of this manly lantern-like jaw.
I mean, look at it.
Huh? There you go.
Just think of how exciting your next
corporate retreat will be just think of
how exciting your next corporate retreat
will be with a special appearance
by the man himself.
Space Ghost.
Here's a sample.
Greetings, heating and cooling fixtures executives of America.
Climate control.
Am I right?
But that's not all.
Space Ghost can also take care of all your landscaping needs,
home or office.
Home or office.
Dying out here. Can I get a glass of water?
Dying out here. Can I get a glass of water?
Imagine the envy of your business
competitors Oh, my cape! Aah!
When they see Space Ghost bush-hogging your shrubbery.
You're still not convinced?
For a limited time only, if you take advantage of the power
of the Space Ghost, you'll receive this deluxe canister set.
Think of it, a dashing superhero and a deluxe canister set.
Available this calendar year.
And also, this shiny object.
And also, this shiny object.
You heard right.
A dashing superhero, a deluxe canister set,
and a shiny object, all in one
out-of-this-world package.
Ooh, and, hey, look at this.
Ow! How does he do that?
I wonder.
Now look over here.
Zorak is in the recording studio
about to record those funny lines
that the writers were writing earlier.
Let's listen.
That's not my hand.
It's your butt.
No, no, no. "My butt."
No, no, no. "My butt."
Well, that's what I'm saying, "it's your butt."
No, it's not "your butt."
"My butt."
That's what I just said, "your butt."
"My butt"!
SoYour butt.
Just do the line.
From there, the tapes are put in a
magic closet where they will sit
for 3 magical days.
After this magical waiting period,
after this magical waiting period,
the tapes are then put somewhere, but that's not important.
What's important is that Space Ghost is your ticket
to a solid financial future.
Your opportunity is unlimited.
Fermez la bouche.
Ha ha ha.
What does that mean?
It means shut your mouth.
But I'm not even on your planet.
Who are you?
As you can plainly see, life on the ghost planet is really fun,
as you can plainly see, life on the ghost planet is really fun,
and you can be a part of that fun.
Let's take a closer look.
Oh, ho, yeah.
Drink this juice.
It's good stuff.
When it comes time to allocate your
advertising dollars and/or to make
your endorsement selections,
please let the Space Ghost be a part of
the future of you.
Why?
Because Space Ghost from coast to coast is Oh, that
makes sense, oh, that makes sense,
even to a brash superhero such as me!
That's right, s.G.
That's right, Moltar.
That's right, Space Ghost.
That's right, zorak.
That's right, Space Ghost, zorak, and Moltar.
That's right, guys.
I guess that's why we call Space Ghost from coast to coast
So, what have we learned?
Ha ha. Heck, I don't know.
But this is one crazy show.
And I'm dick dickenbach.
Bye, now.
ah, ah ooh, ooh
ah, ah, who-o-oa
ah, ah, who-o-oa ah, who-o-oa ah, ah, who-o-oa
hello. I'm Space Ghost.
My guests are the winners of the
haikuing for Space Ghost contest,
ryah Rosenberg and Sean medlock.
Zorak, play me to the desk, and let's get this over with.
Now let's meet our first winner, ryah Rosenberg.
Hey, great to be here.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
I am from Phoenix, Arizona-- ok, read your thing.
All right.
My winning haiku went something like this
I'll level with you.
Let me on your show.
I want a day off from school.
Moltar, send out the other one.
Whoops.
Ha ha. Whoops.
Ha ha. Whoops.
Moltar, send out the other one!
All right, all right.
Ok, medlock, read your deal.
I hope I don't win.
The rules say to bring a friend.
I don't have any.
You won for that?
Mm-hmm. Kind of surprising, isn't it?
Yup. Good night, everybody.
except for Moltar and zorak.
Hey, how you doing?
This ray has your name on it,
but only if your name is destructo--
Peter destructo.
Peter destructo.
His name?
Space Ghost.
Yes, he's Space Ghost, and he's your
new worldwide marketing tool 2000.
When it comes to your product or business,
he's your space-age packhorse.
Saddle me up, and ride me into the future.
Hi. I'm David Caldwell.
Hi. I'm David Caldwell.
Get ready for the adventure of a lifetime.
Welcome to ghost planet industries--
gateway to humor for literally hundreds
of television viewers.
For literally hundreds of television viewers.
It all starts with the Space Ghost from coast to coast writers.
Here they are hard at work,
fine-tuning a script for an upcoming episode.
We'd better leave them to their work.
They've got more comedy to write.
Each of the jokes written by the comedy
writing team are factory tested in
a g.P.I. Research laboratory using
randomly selected focus group viewers.
That's not my hand.
It's my pincer.
Ooh, that line needs a little reworking.
That's not my hand.
It's my butt.
That's not my hand.
It's my butt.
It looks like we've got a winner.
We'll take a closer look it looks like we've got a winner.
We'll take a closer look at the making
of Space Ghost from coast
to coast in a moment, but first
It's a brand-new world.
Everything you wear The sneakers on your feet--branded,
the hat on your head-- branded.
How about the coffee you drink?
All branded.
It's time for me and you to learn a little bit about branding.
Space Ghost, do you mean branding with a hot iron?
Ha ha ha.
No, Moltar.
Not t type of branding.
Then tell us, Space Ghost, what's branding?
Here. Let me explain.
Here. Let me explain.
Let's say you have a rowboat, a cow, and the big man.
You mean Clarence clemons?
Of course.
Now, the cow wants to transport
Clarence across the river, but remember,
the cow is on fire and Clarence
has no hands or bucket, so he has
to utilize his hooks and the mighty power of his saxophone.
Space Ghost is talking about the 3 rs--
reliability, ratings, and delivery.
Reliability, ratings, and delivery.
Let's start with "r" number one
Based on our analysis of relative price value factors,
subjective hosted-product placement
decisions versus generic yield
acceptability, versus generic yield acceptability,
our directly-linked-to-network
programming identity, and the investment
in demographic-icon synergisticality.
It's that simple and that hard.
Let's look at "r" number 2.
What's the real power of me?
Space Ghost is talking about the Remember,
power is not a dirty word.
Remember, power is not a dirty word.
In a moment, we'll take a closer look at Space Ghost
as a feature benefit model.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
But first, this
An integral element of the success that is Space Ghost
from coast to coast is the remarkable celebrity interviews.
Here's a sneak peek at an upcoming
interview with the one and only
Tony Bennett.
Greetings Now let's join Space
Ghost now let's join Space Ghost
and the star of carpool and big bul tom Arnold.
And the star of carpool and big bul tom Arnold.
Actually, that second show was called tom.
This show is called the tom show , which is different than that
because I think it's easier to find in the tv guide.
You should call it tommy.
I thought of that.
My grandma thought of that, but, you know-- how about
tom tom the tom?
What was that again, tom tom the tom?
No. Tom tom the tom tom
Tom.
That's--that's good.
I mean That's-- that's--that's ok.
Hey! Moltar, put your pants on and direct the show!
Get lost, man!
Let's stop here.
We don't want to give too much away.
Now let's listen as Space Ghost tells
us about some of his upcoming guests.
Rap group afro-plane, female Kathy Kinney,
Ginny, the dog who saves cats,
Ginny, the dog who saves cats,
dinner & a movie hosts Paul and Annabelle Oh, hey there.
How you doing, Space Ghost?
From the pop group they might be giants--
John flansburgh, and special
surprise guest, William, the king of imagination.
William, the king of imagination.
My name is William.
I am the king of imagination.
I am a modern wizard in training.
Sporting goods Tennis, anyone?
Psychic advisor Only I can see your future.
I've been there.
Dermatological creams and jellies Wow! Look out, girls.
Wow! Look out, girls.
Who can turn the world on with a smile?
Space Ghost.
Who can take a nothing day and
suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
You know who.
You know who.
That's right.
And you, too, can take advantage of this manly lantern-like jaw.
I mean, look at it.
Huh? There you go.
Just think of how exciting your next
corporate retreat will be just think of
how exciting your next corporate retreat
will be with a special appearance
by the man himself.
Space Ghost.
Here's a sample.
Greetings, heating and cooling fixtures executives of America.
Climate control.
Am I right?
But that's not all.
Space Ghost can also take care of all your landscaping needs,
home or office.
Home or office.
Dying out here. Can I get a glass of water?
Dying out here. Can I get a glass of water?
Imagine the envy of your business
competitors Oh, my cape! Aah!
When they see Space Ghost bush-hogging your shrubbery.
You're still not convinced?
For a limited time only, if you take advantage of the power
of the Space Ghost, you'll receive this deluxe canister set.
Think of it, a dashing superhero and a deluxe canister set.
Available this calendar year.
And also, this shiny object.
And also, this shiny object.
You heard right.
A dashing superhero, a deluxe canister set,
and a shiny object, all in one
out-of-this-world package.
Ooh, and, hey, look at this.
Ow! How does he do that?
I wonder.
Now look over here.
Zorak is in the recording studio
about to record those funny lines
that the writers were writing earlier.
Let's listen.
That's not my hand.
It's your butt.
No, no, no. "My butt."
No, no, no. "My butt."
Well, that's what I'm saying, "it's your butt."
No, it's not "your butt."
"My butt."
That's what I just said, "your butt."
"My butt"!
SoYour butt.
Just do the line.
From there, the tapes are put in a
magic closet where they will sit
for 3 magical days.
After this magical waiting period,
after this magical waiting period,
the tapes are then put somewhere, but that's not important.
What's important is that Space Ghost is your ticket
to a solid financial future.
Your opportunity is unlimited.
Fermez la bouche.
Ha ha ha.
What does that mean?
It means shut your mouth.
But I'm not even on your planet.
Who are you?
As you can plainly see, life on the ghost planet is really fun,
as you can plainly see, life on the ghost planet is really fun,
and you can be a part of that fun.
Let's take a closer look.
Oh, ho, yeah.
Drink this juice.
It's good stuff.
When it comes time to allocate your
advertising dollars and/or to make
your endorsement selections,
please let the Space Ghost be a part of
the future of you.
Why?
Because Space Ghost from coast to coast is Oh, that
makes sense, oh, that makes sense,
even to a brash superhero such as me!
That's right, s.G.
That's right, Moltar.
That's right, Space Ghost.
That's right, zorak.
That's right, Space Ghost, zorak, and Moltar.
That's right, guys.
I guess that's why we call Space Ghost from coast to coast
So, what have we learned?
Ha ha. Heck, I don't know.
But this is one crazy show.
And I'm dick dickenbach.
Bye, now.
ah, ah ooh, ooh
ah, ah, who-o-oa
ah, ah, who-o-oa ah, who-o-oa ah, ah, who-o-oa
hello. I'm Space Ghost.
My guests are the winners of the
haikuing for Space Ghost contest,
ryah Rosenberg and Sean medlock.
Zorak, play me to the desk, and let's get this over with.
Now let's meet our first winner, ryah Rosenberg.
Hey, great to be here.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
I am from Phoenix, Arizona-- ok, read your thing.
All right.
My winning haiku went something like this
I'll level with you.
Let me on your show.
I want a day off from school.
Moltar, send out the other one.
Whoops.
Ha ha. Whoops.
Ha ha. Whoops.
Moltar, send out the other one!
All right, all right.
Ok, medlock, read your deal.
I hope I don't win.
The rules say to bring a friend.
I don't have any.
You won for that?
Mm-hmm. Kind of surprising, isn't it?
Yup. Good night, everybody.