The Batman (2004) s05e01 Episode Script
The Batman/Superman Story (1)
HILL: Ladies and gentlemen, as your new mayor it's a great honor to come before you today in this celebration of courage and survival.
One year ago, we faced an alien invasion that almost spelled the end of the human race.
Of all the cities that were attacked, our fair Gotham was the first on the battle lines and the most severely damaged.
Since then, we have restored many of our buildings though there is still hard work to be done.
To that end, the good people of Metropolis, our sister city have raised funds to help us.
And at any moment, a check for those funds will be flown here by the Man of Steel himself, Superman.
Wait till they see him, Miss Lane.
The roof's gonna come off the building.
Fan boy.
What are you, un-American? He's Superman.
Yeah? Well, we have our own hero.
The Bat? He's okay, if you like the circus.
Superman's the real deal.
Yeah? If he's so super, why's he so late? [PHONE RINGS.]
Clark? Where are you? Uh, well, Lois, I got a little problem.
I left my press pass in my other pants and they won't let me in.
Maybe if you came to vouch for me.
I swear, Clark, it's a wonder you remember to wear pants at all.
Show's already started.
Sorry.
The moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived.
Here he is, straight from Metropolis, Superman.
[CHEERING.]
Whoa.
Told you.
Mayor Hill, it is my great privilege to present this check to the good people of Gotham City.
[CROWD GASPING.]
MAN: What's going on? The check's been cancelled, Superman.
And so have you.
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
This isn't in the program.
Metallo! In the flesh.
[GROANING.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
That's right, Perry, Metallo's back.
Stay on the line.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on.
Come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
You don't know how long I've waited.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[GROANING.]
What say we take this somewhere more private? Looking a little green, Supes.
Me? I love kryptonite.
Can't get enough.
But I guess one man's power source is another man's poison.
[RUSTLING.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
Looking a little rusty, Tin Man.
[GROWLS.]
[YELLS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
There's nothing you can do, Batman.
As long as I'm near Supes, he's finished.
[GROANING.]
And I'm not moving another inch.
Suit yourself.
[BEEPING.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Do you see what I see? Let's do it.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? Get that as far away from here as you can.
[GRUNTS.]
Hasta la vista, baby.
[GRUNTING.]
Let him go.
No.
[GROANING.]
He isn't even scratched, just powered down.
An internal battery will keep him alive.
Where's the kryptonite? Don't worry.
We got it.
I want it.
You're not very trusting.
Not when it comes to that, Mr.
Wayne.
LOIS: Hey, you two.
How about a handshake? Make a great page one.
I'll get it to you within 24 hours.
- Where? - I'll find you.
Whoa.
Nice ride.
LEX: What? [LEX GROWLS.]
After all that work to get Metallo powered up he's stopped by a clown in a bat suit.
What happened to my kryptonite? It's probably with Superman by now.
But we still have a few small pieces left.
And some dust.
Barely enough to give him a headache.
There's no one left to challenge the Kryptonian anymore.
No allies of any strength or cunning, not here, not in Metropolis.
I'm on my own.
Unless.
Mercy, get my jet ready.
We're going to be spending some time at our Gotham division.
That's where we'll find the answer to our problem.
I can't believe he peeked under your mask.
That is so not cool.
It's Superman's way of saying he knows how to find me if he wants to.
I'd like to even that playing field.
This is the new tech lab? Kicking.
[POUNDING.]
Having fun? A blast.
You've been busy, Lucius.
You said you wanted to be prepared if there's another alien invasion.
These are just prototypes.
But I'd say we're making headway.
Whoa.
This has gotta be for me.
It's a jetpack, right? Please tell me it's a jetpack.
- A jetpack and rocket launcher.
- Yes! I know you didn't come here for a tour.
What's up? I need this gift-wrapped.
In lead.
Fascinating.
- What you looking at? - Metropolis.
What are those? Supersonic disturbances.
This particular satellite picks up objects moving faster than sound.
Usually they indicate jet craft but in Metropolis, almost all of them come from Superman.
Here's his pattern for the last 48 hours.
He gets around.
What's that place? - The Daily Planet.
- That's where Lois Lane works.
I heard he likes her.
But not that much.
That's not the only place he frequents.
Are you sure you're okay? I got it.
Uh, by the way, Lois there's a cable special on the long-eared jerboa.
- I was wondering if-- - Gee, I'd love to.
But, um, I have to, uh, wash my hair.
Whoa! Huh.
And they call me a split personality.
Mr.
Wayne.
You really are the world's greatest detective.
Here it is, like you asked.
It's sealed in lead.
You can take a peek if you want, but I wouldn't advise opening it.
I'll take your word.
I didn't think you were the trusting kind.
By the way, the Justice League is about to have its first official meeting.
I heard the Martian invited you, but you declined.
I prefer to work alone.
So did I, once.
But I found out you never know when you might need a friend.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What are you doing here so late? I could ask you the same thing.
Pretty young lady alone in the building.
I'm e-mailing Luthor.
We were supposed to have an interview tomorrow.
He left for Gotham a few days ago, so I wanted to see if he could reschedule.
That's funny.
I heard you were going to Gotham too.
Not me.
I just got back last week.
No, I'm sure of it.
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PARTITION OPENS.]
BLACK MASK: Greetings from Gotham, Miss Lane.
You can call me Black Mask.
Woo-hoo! Just call me Rocket Robin.
All right, Rocket.
Time to come down to Earth.
We've got a city to patrol.
But there's nothing happening down there.
Even you said it's been quieter than the Batcave.
Hey, why don't I patrol from up here? Got the whole sky to myself.
Whoa! I've got an idea for the next prototype: barf bags.
BLACK MASK: Ninety seconds.
Not bad.
I don't think that's going to do you much good.
Oh, but this was made-to-order.
[GROANING.]
Feeling strange, Superman? That energy blast mimics radiation from a red sun.
Your powers have been temporarily cut.
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CLAYFACE GROWLING.]
Now, Freeze, before he fully recovers.
[GRUNTING.]
BLACK MASK: He's too weak to melt his way out.
- He'll suffocate for sure.
- Oh.
No.
[GRUNTING.]
[GROANING.]
All right.
Round two.
[YELLING.]
No wonder it's been so quiet lately.
Here's where the party is.
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
ROBIN: Not so fast.
Huh? Ew.
You okay? Nothing a hot shower won't fix.
And you? Feeling no pain.
So why the sudden interest in Superman, Black Mask? Getting tired of me? He's working with Luthor.
- Luthor? - They were talking on the phone.
Luthor's been here in Gotham since last week.
That would explain where he got this.
I think I should pay Luthor a visit.
Maybe we both should.
He's not much for conversation, is he? Like you should talk.
[DOOR SHATTERS.]
I take it Miss Lane is alive and well, once again.
You've gone too far this time, Lex.
But I'm on your side, Superman.
In fact, I've been doing some criminal-capturing myself.
Miss Poison Ivy.
A fiery little flower.
She had the silly notion she could defeat you with this.
Plant spores, the mind-controlling variety.
Of course, they would never work on you.
You're invulnerable to spores and germs and bacteria.
Unless they were laced with kryptonite dust.
[GROANING.]
That's right, Superman.
That was my contribution.
At first I wanted you destroyed.
But then when Miss Ivy came to me at the eleventh hour with this I saw new possibilities.
Of course, I couldn't let her have all the fun.
I wanted to control you myself.
Look at me when I talk to you.
[GRUNTS.]
Bow to me.
I said, bow, you alien swine.
[CHUCKLING.]
One year ago, we faced an alien invasion that almost spelled the end of the human race.
Of all the cities that were attacked, our fair Gotham was the first on the battle lines and the most severely damaged.
Since then, we have restored many of our buildings though there is still hard work to be done.
To that end, the good people of Metropolis, our sister city have raised funds to help us.
And at any moment, a check for those funds will be flown here by the Man of Steel himself, Superman.
Wait till they see him, Miss Lane.
The roof's gonna come off the building.
Fan boy.
What are you, un-American? He's Superman.
Yeah? Well, we have our own hero.
The Bat? He's okay, if you like the circus.
Superman's the real deal.
Yeah? If he's so super, why's he so late? [PHONE RINGS.]
Clark? Where are you? Uh, well, Lois, I got a little problem.
I left my press pass in my other pants and they won't let me in.
Maybe if you came to vouch for me.
I swear, Clark, it's a wonder you remember to wear pants at all.
Show's already started.
Sorry.
The moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived.
Here he is, straight from Metropolis, Superman.
[CHEERING.]
Whoa.
Told you.
Mayor Hill, it is my great privilege to present this check to the good people of Gotham City.
[CROWD GASPING.]
MAN: What's going on? The check's been cancelled, Superman.
And so have you.
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
This isn't in the program.
Metallo! In the flesh.
[GROANING.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
That's right, Perry, Metallo's back.
Stay on the line.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on.
Come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
You don't know how long I've waited.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[GROANING.]
What say we take this somewhere more private? Looking a little green, Supes.
Me? I love kryptonite.
Can't get enough.
But I guess one man's power source is another man's poison.
[RUSTLING.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
Looking a little rusty, Tin Man.
[GROWLS.]
[YELLS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
There's nothing you can do, Batman.
As long as I'm near Supes, he's finished.
[GROANING.]
And I'm not moving another inch.
Suit yourself.
[BEEPING.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Do you see what I see? Let's do it.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? Get that as far away from here as you can.
[GRUNTS.]
Hasta la vista, baby.
[GRUNTING.]
Let him go.
No.
[GROANING.]
He isn't even scratched, just powered down.
An internal battery will keep him alive.
Where's the kryptonite? Don't worry.
We got it.
I want it.
You're not very trusting.
Not when it comes to that, Mr.
Wayne.
LOIS: Hey, you two.
How about a handshake? Make a great page one.
I'll get it to you within 24 hours.
- Where? - I'll find you.
Whoa.
Nice ride.
LEX: What? [LEX GROWLS.]
After all that work to get Metallo powered up he's stopped by a clown in a bat suit.
What happened to my kryptonite? It's probably with Superman by now.
But we still have a few small pieces left.
And some dust.
Barely enough to give him a headache.
There's no one left to challenge the Kryptonian anymore.
No allies of any strength or cunning, not here, not in Metropolis.
I'm on my own.
Unless.
Mercy, get my jet ready.
We're going to be spending some time at our Gotham division.
That's where we'll find the answer to our problem.
I can't believe he peeked under your mask.
That is so not cool.
It's Superman's way of saying he knows how to find me if he wants to.
I'd like to even that playing field.
This is the new tech lab? Kicking.
[POUNDING.]
Having fun? A blast.
You've been busy, Lucius.
You said you wanted to be prepared if there's another alien invasion.
These are just prototypes.
But I'd say we're making headway.
Whoa.
This has gotta be for me.
It's a jetpack, right? Please tell me it's a jetpack.
- A jetpack and rocket launcher.
- Yes! I know you didn't come here for a tour.
What's up? I need this gift-wrapped.
In lead.
Fascinating.
- What you looking at? - Metropolis.
What are those? Supersonic disturbances.
This particular satellite picks up objects moving faster than sound.
Usually they indicate jet craft but in Metropolis, almost all of them come from Superman.
Here's his pattern for the last 48 hours.
He gets around.
What's that place? - The Daily Planet.
- That's where Lois Lane works.
I heard he likes her.
But not that much.
That's not the only place he frequents.
Are you sure you're okay? I got it.
Uh, by the way, Lois there's a cable special on the long-eared jerboa.
- I was wondering if-- - Gee, I'd love to.
But, um, I have to, uh, wash my hair.
Whoa! Huh.
And they call me a split personality.
Mr.
Wayne.
You really are the world's greatest detective.
Here it is, like you asked.
It's sealed in lead.
You can take a peek if you want, but I wouldn't advise opening it.
I'll take your word.
I didn't think you were the trusting kind.
By the way, the Justice League is about to have its first official meeting.
I heard the Martian invited you, but you declined.
I prefer to work alone.
So did I, once.
But I found out you never know when you might need a friend.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What are you doing here so late? I could ask you the same thing.
Pretty young lady alone in the building.
I'm e-mailing Luthor.
We were supposed to have an interview tomorrow.
He left for Gotham a few days ago, so I wanted to see if he could reschedule.
That's funny.
I heard you were going to Gotham too.
Not me.
I just got back last week.
No, I'm sure of it.
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PARTITION OPENS.]
BLACK MASK: Greetings from Gotham, Miss Lane.
You can call me Black Mask.
Woo-hoo! Just call me Rocket Robin.
All right, Rocket.
Time to come down to Earth.
We've got a city to patrol.
But there's nothing happening down there.
Even you said it's been quieter than the Batcave.
Hey, why don't I patrol from up here? Got the whole sky to myself.
Whoa! I've got an idea for the next prototype: barf bags.
BLACK MASK: Ninety seconds.
Not bad.
I don't think that's going to do you much good.
Oh, but this was made-to-order.
[GROANING.]
Feeling strange, Superman? That energy blast mimics radiation from a red sun.
Your powers have been temporarily cut.
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CLAYFACE GROWLING.]
Now, Freeze, before he fully recovers.
[GRUNTING.]
BLACK MASK: He's too weak to melt his way out.
- He'll suffocate for sure.
- Oh.
No.
[GRUNTING.]
[GROANING.]
All right.
Round two.
[YELLING.]
No wonder it's been so quiet lately.
Here's where the party is.
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
ROBIN: Not so fast.
Huh? Ew.
You okay? Nothing a hot shower won't fix.
And you? Feeling no pain.
So why the sudden interest in Superman, Black Mask? Getting tired of me? He's working with Luthor.
- Luthor? - They were talking on the phone.
Luthor's been here in Gotham since last week.
That would explain where he got this.
I think I should pay Luthor a visit.
Maybe we both should.
He's not much for conversation, is he? Like you should talk.
[DOOR SHATTERS.]
I take it Miss Lane is alive and well, once again.
You've gone too far this time, Lex.
But I'm on your side, Superman.
In fact, I've been doing some criminal-capturing myself.
Miss Poison Ivy.
A fiery little flower.
She had the silly notion she could defeat you with this.
Plant spores, the mind-controlling variety.
Of course, they would never work on you.
You're invulnerable to spores and germs and bacteria.
Unless they were laced with kryptonite dust.
[GROANING.]
That's right, Superman.
That was my contribution.
At first I wanted you destroyed.
But then when Miss Ivy came to me at the eleventh hour with this I saw new possibilities.
Of course, I couldn't let her have all the fun.
I wanted to control you myself.
Look at me when I talk to you.
[GRUNTS.]
Bow to me.
I said, bow, you alien swine.
[CHUCKLING.]