The Crown (2016) s05e01 Episode Script

1
[triumphant classical music playing]
[cheers and applause]
[cheering swells]
[man] At John Brown's yard on Clydeside,
the 4,000-ton royal yacht
is ready for launching by Her Majesty.
[camera shutters clicking]
Thousands of dockworkers, many of whom
helped to build the royal craft,
give the Queen a warm reception
as she walks past them
to inspect the yacht.
For many months,
there has been speculation
about the name of the new yacht,
and there's an air of expectancy
as Her Majesty steps forward
to perform the actual launching ceremony.
[music concludes]
I am delighted to join you
in Clydebank today
for the launch of this,
the latest royal yacht.
I hope that this brand-new vessel,
like your brand-new queen,
will prove to be dependable and constant.
Capable of weathering any storm.
I now take great pride
in naming this ship "Britannia."
[cheering swells]
I wish success to her.
And to all who sail in her.
[man] Her Majesty releases
the traditional bottle,
not of champagne this time,
but of Empire Wine.
- ["Rule, Britannia!" plays]
- [crowd] Rule, Britannia ♪
Britannia, rule the waves ♪
Britons never ♪
[man] Soon, the Britannia
will become a home
for the Queen,
the duke, and their children.
["Rule, Britannia!" fades out]
[doctor] Aah, please, Your Majesty.
[Elizabeth] Aah
[doctor] And again.
[Elizabeth] Aah
- [light clicks]
- [doctor] Lovely. Thank you.
- Deep breath in.
- [Elizabeth inhales]
- [doctor] And out.
- [Elizabeth exhales]
And again.
[Elizabeth inhales and exhales]
[air pumping]
[air hissing]
[doctor] 122 over 80.
If we could pop the stockings off,
Your Majesty.
[Elizabeth gasps]
Still getting the aches
on the balls of the feet?
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
the less time you spend on your feet,
the better.
Occupational hazard, I'm afraid.
Now, if I can invite you to come this way?
Nine and a half stone.
As opposed to last year's?
Not sure I want to know.
- Nine stone.
- [doctor] And the year before's?
[nurse] Eight and three quarters.
It makes no sense.
In terms of diet and behavior,
I've not changed a thing.
As we get older,
weight stays on and is harder to shift.
For men, they say a stone a decade.
And for women?
Maybe, um half a stone?
All right. Half a stone.
By the end of summer.
[doctor] Scotland as always?
Oh yes, heavenly Scotland.
Though slightly less heavenly
without the cream teas.
Is Balmoral your favorite home,
would you say?
[Elizabeth] Oh, probably my second.
[instruments clattering]
That's a rather personal question.
[instrument clatters]
I do apologize, ma'am, I
I don't know what what I was thinking.
There is another
that's even more special to me.
[drumroll]
[indistinct chattering]
[band playing "Rule Britannia!"]
[man] Give us a wave, Your Majesty!
[song ends]
- [chattering]
- [applause]
Thank you.
[whistling]
[ship horn blowing]
[man 1] I had a call from
The Sunday Times today, sir,
regarding a poll they've conducted
about the monarchy, and it's interesting.
When talking about the Queen,
again and again, the same words came up.
"Irrelevant." "Old." "Expensive."
"Out of touch."
Quite distinct from the way
people talked about you, sir.
Really?
Should I cover my ears?
No, on the contrary.
They described you as "young,"
"energetic," "modern," "empathetic."
And when asked, almost half believe
you would make an excellent king
and would support an early abdication
by the Queen in your favor.
- [dogs barking]
- [footsteps approaching]
This story is running when?
[man 1] Sunday week, sir.
When I'll be in Italy with the family.
[man 1] Well, actually, we think
the timing of the holiday is ideal.
As you know, a big part
of your appeal as future king
is the prospect
of the Princess of Wales as queen.
Yes.
So we've taken the liberty of briefing one
or two friendly newspapers that it's a
second honeymoon.
Right.
- [kisses]
- [birds chirping]
[Diana] That's what they said?
Those were the words they used.
Second honeymoon.
[theme music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Good. Five minutes until boarding.
Thank you.
[child] They're here! They're here!
- [man 1] Five minutes until boarding.
- [woman] Okay. Let's go.
- Hello.
- [William] Alexandra!
- Leonora.
- [Harry] Hello!
This is classic Charles.
On the one hand, he says he wants
this holiday to be a second honeymoon,
then he invites Cousin Norton
and wife Penny to join us.
Those two are so much
part of the Highgrove furniture,
Camilla might as well be here herself.
If one were to be charitable for a moment,
they've been through a lot recently
with their youngest.
Oh, I know. My goddaughter, Leonora.
[man 2] What's the latest?
She's in remission.
You know how it is. One can never be sure.
[Leonora laughing] Yes!
[laughs]
- Hello, darling.
- [Leonora] Yeah!
- Hi.
- Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
- [Leonora] Good.
- Can I have a squash?
[Leonora laughs]
[whimsical music playing]
[engines roaring]
[indistinct whispering]
I just wanted to say
how happy I am that we're doing this.
- [scooter buzzing]
- [overlapping chatter in Italian]
- [chatter continues]
- [camera shutters clicking]
[reporters exclaiming in Italian]
Diana!
- [man] Diana!
- [woman] Diana!
[chatter continues in Italian]
What do you think? Shall we
give them some of the old magic?
Well, come on, then.
- Let's blow them away.
- Come on.
[chattering, cheering rise]
[woman shouting in Italian]
- [cheers rise]
- [camera shutters clicking]
[seabirds calling]
[Charles] So the route
I propose that we take
is from Naples to Ischia,
where Garibaldi spent
some time recuperating
after being injured in
the Italian Wars of Independence.
- Am I right?
- Yes, sir.
Then on to Capri, to see the ruins
of the magnificent Villa Jovis.
Then down the Amalfi Coast,
on to Sicily, with a final stop in Olbia,
on Sardinia, for a private view
of the Museo Archeologico there.
[opera music playing faintly]
Were there any other requests?
Some beaches, perhaps?
[scoffs] There will, of course,
be beaches along the way.
[Diana] And water sports?
And noisy water sports.
[Diana] And shopping?
- Shopping?
- Some people might like to go shopping.
Who?
A show of hands. Would anyone,
apart from Diana, like to go shopping?
When the entire point
of being on a beautiful yacht like this
is that we can escape
from hordes of people
indulging in retail as recreation.
Me!
- I want to go shopping.
- Me too.
Then we'll go shopping.
[clears throat]
[Diana] Thanks for sticking up for me.
That was brave.
Special treat. You get to choose
between a bedtime story or
Super Mario!
Don't tell your father.
- [video game music plays]
- Are you going back upstairs now?
God no. [kisses]
Off to read the classics.
[William chuckles]
- Get an early night.
- [Harry] Love you!
- [William] I love you, Mummy.
- I love you too, my darlings.
[Charles] These Italian friars
What year was it set?
[man] 1327, actually.
[Charles] 1327.
[man] Not bad.
[scraping, clattering]
Charles and Diana seem to be
the happy couple again.
What a blessing that would be.
For everyone.
[distant rumbling]
What was that?
What was what?
[Philip] That noise.
[chuckling] There was a mechanical noise.
[munches toast]
[distant rumbling]
There it is again.
Right. I'm off.
One last day cutting ribbons in Morecambe,
then feet up for the summer.
[Philip chuckles lightly]
[whistling]
[Elizabeth] As patron
of the Church Urban Fund,
I am aware of the vast challenges
faced by this community
and many others across the diocese.
The Milk Marketing Board is
among the most enduring
and resilient of Britain's
commercial enterprises.
This state-of-the-art dairy complex
is testament to the continuing vitality
of British udders.
[light applause]
It has been a great pleasure
to learn more about intermodal containers.
Representing a growing 30%
of the European freight market,
it is clear that intermodal containers are
Lancashire's ticket to a bright future.
[hydraulic rumbling]
How long's the pressure been down
on that valve?
Since this morning, sir.
[hydraulic hissing]
[Philip] It shouldn't come
as a surprise she's falling apart.
She's a creature of another age.
Effectively, a World War II cruiser
with soft furnishings.
- In many ways, she's obsolete.
- Don't say that.
What are the options?
Well, we've trouble with the main engine.
Starboard boiler's out of service.
Sentimentally,
I think we'd all prefer to stick with her.
I should say.
But we have to be realistic
about the cost of repairs
when she's so obviously past her best.
Are you seeing the prime minister
in Balmoral next week?
Yes. He's coming with his wife, Dora.
No, that's not right.
Nora. N-n
Norma.
You might want
to bring it up with him then.
I'll talk to the admiral
and come up with some figures.
But it's the first time
I've started to consider the unthinkable.
What's that?
A replacement.
[Charles] Built in AD 27 by Tiberius.
- [guide] Exactly.
- Wow.
[guide] The most magnificent
of the 12 imperial residences
here in Capri.
[overlapping chatter]
[Charles] Some people say
that Tiberius escaped to Capri
because he could no longer
endure the machinations
of his mother's court in Rome.
Not something I could ever understand.
[laughter]
[Charles] But after a long,
successful career as general and emperor
[continues indistinctly]
["Emotions" by Mariah Carey playing]
[Diana] Bye, Charles. We'll miss you
while we're having all the fun!
[Harry] Bye!
Isn't it extraordinary
how two people's understanding of fun
could be so wholly different?
When they suggested to us
that Diana and I,
that we should reassure the public
about the strength of our marriage
by coming on a second honeymoon,
I said,
"You obviously weren't on the first one."
[laughs]
- On Britannia, wasn't it?
- Yes.
I know the Queen thinks
the royal yacht is perfect in every way,
but as a an intimate space for newlyweds,
it's like a floating observation tank.
[chuckling]
Every awkward silence
and stilted conversation
between bride and gloom
glaringly obvious to each and every one
of the 200 crew.
- [chuckles]
- [captain] Faster.
- [shouting]
- ["Emotions" continues]
[gleeful squealing]
Did you just say "bride and gloom"?
Did I?
- Oh!
- [both chuckle]
[inhales sharply]
The irony is, I'm the only person
this marriage does make gloomy.
It seems to lift the rest of the world up.
When we're together in public,
I can't deny it is magical.
We're the perfect team.
Yet in private
[happy shouts in distance]
Listen to me After everything
you've been through with your girl.
[sucks teeth] Oh
She let me comb her hair last week.
The first time since it's grown back.
Do you know, it's come back curly?
That's mine!
I found myself slightly ashamed to think
I actually preferred it that way. [scoffs]
[chuckles softly]
It's a dreadful, wicked disease.
You've all been so wonderfully strong.
- [footsteps approaching]
- [man 1 clears throat]
[Charles] Is it important?
[man 1] The Sunday Times, sir?
Oh, yes.
I'll leave you to it.
It's running tomorrow.
I've managed to gain advance sight of it,
and I think you'll agree
it's pretty punchy.
[woman] Good morning, Your Majesty.
Good morning, Peggy.
[Peggy] Oh, a bit wet
for the arrival of the Princess Royal.
Oh, she won't mind that.
- Good morning, Admiral.
- Your Royal Highness.
- Welcome aboard, Your Royal Highness.
- Thank you.
[phone ringing]
- Fellowes.
- [man] Robert, got a bit of a problem.
[phone ringing]
[indistinct announcement on PA]
[Fellowes]
Have the newspapers been delivered?
Just arrived, sir.
- Has the Queen gone to breakfast?
- On her way, sir.
Make sure The Sunday Times is removed.
Better still, thrown away.
Under no circumstances can the Queen
or Princess Royal be allowed to see it.
- Understood?
- Sir.
[indistinct conversations]
- Good morning.
- Your Majesty.
[tea pouring]
Oh, this looks very good.
[panting] Move!
Hello, darling.
Mummy.
Sorry, ma'am, you can't read that.
- Why not?
- It's not today's. It's yesterday's.
[Anne] But yesterday was Saturday.
And that, I think we can all agree,
is The Sunday Times.
I mean, last week's.
- [Anne] What?
- But this is today's Sunday Telegraph.
Today's Mail on Sunday,
and the latest Racing Post.
Ooh, yes please.
Thank you.
[classical music playing on speakers]
[Philip muttering indistinctly]
[knocking at door]
Yes.
[door opens, creaks]
[Fellowes] I'm sorry to disturb, sir.
[door shuts]
But I thought you should be aware of this.
[Philip] It's outrageous.
She never stops. She never complains.
She never puts a foot wrong.
She's utterly magnificent,
and they print rubbish like this.
[Elizabeth] Looks like
more rain on the way.
I shouldn't be surprised.
It is the west coast of Scotland.
I don't suppose
you've seen The Sunday Times?
- Oh, morning, Robert.
- Good morning, Your Majesty.
Because I checked.
Apparently, it has been delivered.
- I'll look into it, ma'am.
- When you find it, I'll be on deck.
[classical music continues playing]
[Philip sighs]
[man 1] To say the article's had an impact
would be an understatement.
It's provoked significant debate
on radio and television
with one particular phrase
getting most attention.
"Queen Victoria Syndrome"?
Yes, I saw that.
"An aging monarch, too long on the throne,
whose remoteness from the modern world
has led people to grow tired
not just of her,
but of the monarchy itself."
Any reaction from the Queen?
My understanding is, she hasn't seen it.
That they've kept if from her
to protect her feelings.
Doesn't that tell you everything?
I'd like you to arrange a meeting
with the prime minister
as soon as we're back.
We'll think of a suitable pretext.
- Look, there's a whale!
- [Elizabeth] Where?
Oh, good spot.
- [water spouts]
- Humpback?
[Anne] No. Look at the way it's surfacing.
It's a minke.
Probably smell it before we see it again,
if we get any closer.
Their blow smells of rotten cabbages.
A stinky minke.
[laughing]
Oh, there she is!
Pladda.
There.
Oh yes.
[Anne] Like a bulrush out of a pond.
Isn't she a beauty?
If you say so, dear.
It's one of the last manned lighthouses
in Scotland.
- Why don't we pay her a visit?
- Really? Must we?
Come on.
A bit of exercise is good for the figure.
At our age, the weight
does not stay off by itself. Come on.
No.
[indistinct chattering]
[seagulls calling]
People wonder why
I find lighthouses so inspiring,
but when you get to a place like this
New equerry?
[Elizabeth] Tim?
No, he's been with us for a while.
How come I never noticed?
Because you're married.
Only technically.
What's he like?
[Elizabeth] Reliable.
Sensible. Agreeable.
Mmm.
I think we ought to get back
to lighthouses.
[Anne] Those beacons of light,
in an otherwise black and hopeless night,
that reassure the lonely mariner
they are not forgotten
and will soon find land and home.
And hope.
[laughing]
[indistinct laughter and chatter]
May I have a word?
It appears that there has to be
an unfortunate curtailment to the holiday.
- A clash of diaries, I understand.
- What?
Yes, the Prince of Wales is due
to give a lecture at Oxford University.
[boy] Yeah, there won't be any sharks.
[Leonora laughs]
[Diana] What's this about us going home?
It turns out there's a
a diary conflict through no fault of mine,
and I have to get back.
- We're supposed to be here for two weeks.
- Yes, I know, Diana.
But plans change!
- I have a commitment at Oxford University.
- It isn't the university.
It's a summer school for tourists.
It's not essential.
It is to me.
This is our holiday.
It's a rare opportunity for us
to be together with the boys as a family.
I know you struggle with that,
which is why I agreed
to you bringing your friends along
to entertain you.
And I even agreed
to do the photo call today,
requested by your people so the lie
could be paraded to the world's media
about what an adoring husband you are,
on one condition.
- What's that?
- That you actually are one!
[argument continues indistinctly]
[overlapping chatter]
Smile towards the camera!
Prince Charles!
[indistinct chattering continues]
[woman on radio]
to tens of thousands of British families.
Repossessions are now at record levels.
In the first half of this year,
36,600 homes were taken over
by building societies
[guard] Attention!
[guards stomp]
[man on radio] There's a case for saying
it's the most difficult economic recession
since the war.
And it has struck
right across the economy.
It's certainly been a very difficult year.
[indistinct conversation]
[footman] The prime minister,
Your Royal Highness.
[Charles] Prime Minister.
- Your Royal Highness.
- So kind of you to come.
Sir.
Uh, before we begin, I wonder,
did your office let anyone
at Buckingham Palace know we were meeting?
I don't believe so, sir.
Probably for the best.
There are two reasons
I asked if I could see you today.
The first, conserving our built heritage.
I wonder,
did you receive the copy of my book?
[Major] I did.
I don't suppose
you found time to flick through it?
Knowing we were meeting today,
I made a point of it.
Reading it, I'm sure you thought,
"What an old fogey."
[Major chuckles]
"How stuck in the past he is
with his loathing
of modernism and change."
[Major] Not at all.
Why?
You'd have been right to.
I am fixated by the past.
By tradition.
Preserving it. Conserving it.
But none of us is exclusively one thing.
Human beings are too interesting for that.
You yourself are
full of fascinating contradictions.
Sir?
[Charles] Coming from Brixton,
a multicultural,
working-class part of London,
one might have expected you
either to have concealed your past
in order to fit in with the Tories,
or to have a more socialist viewpoint
and become a rising star
in the Labour Party.
I have never felt
that because of my background,
I should not be a Conservative.
[Charles] Precisely.
You not only refuse to deny
your contradictions,
you don't see them as contradictions.
[Majors] I don't.
Which makes you a far more interesting,
more complex, more impressive person.
And I hope
that the same can be said of me.
Which brings me to the second reason
for our meeting.
You saw the, uh
the recent poll?
And Sunday Times article about the Queen?
[Major] I did.
"Queen Victoria Syndrome."
What were your
conclusions?
It's just a poll, sir.
[Charles] True.
[chuckles softly]
Not a reassuring one.
Polls come and go.
Dangerous to ignore them.
Equally dangerous to be guided by them.
There must have been many
polls around the time
of Mrs. Thatcher's departure?
I'm sure many wanted
the Iron Lady to go on forever,
but what makes the Conservative Party
the successful electoral force that it is?
Its instinct for renewal
and its willingness
to make way for someone younger.
For almost 60 years,
my great-great-grandfather, Edward VII,
was kept waiting in the wings.
It was said that
Queen Victoria had no confidence in him.
Thought him dangerous.
Free-thinking.
He longed to be given responsibilities,
but his mother refused.
Even forbade him from seeing state papers.
And yet, when his time came,
he proved his doubters wrong,
and his dynamism, his intellect,
his popular appeal
made his reign a triumph.
[Majors] What are you saying, sir?
I'm saying,
what a pity it was. What a waste.
That his voice,
his his presence, his vision
wasn't incorporated earlier.
It would have been so good.
For everybody.
[chuckles softly]
You're coming to Balmoral?
For the Ghillies Ball?
Yes. Very much looking forward to it.
Well, then you'll have
an opportunity to, uh
judge for yourself
whether this institution
that we all care about so deeply
is in safe hands.
Now to my questions
about our built heritage
and rural planning regulations.
[drumbeat and bagpipes playing]
Oh
Hello. Hello, Martin.
[dogs barking]
[Margaret] Calm down, Rum. Come on.
[Elizabeth speaking indistinctly]
- Back.
- Hello, darling!
[Elizabeth] The weather
never disappoints me here.
- Hello, you.
- Hello, you.
Have you been for a nice walk?
We have, and I haven't strangled her yet,
which is a miracle.
- Hello.
- Hello, darling.
Hello, Mummy.
[Queen Mother] We've had a lovely morning.
- We read the newspapers
- No, we didn't.
then we went on a long walk
to discuss it all.
Don't you look pretty?
- Doesn't she look pretty, Mummy?
- [Queen Mother] Yes.
Hmm.
Mmm.
[knocking at door]
[door opens]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [dogs barking]
- You asked to see me, ma'am.
- I did.
Why is everyone being odd?
Ma'am?
- It started on the royal yacht.
- What started, ma'am?
People being odd with me.
You're being odd now.
[Fellowes] Am I?
What's going on?
An unkind, silly, inaccurate article
in The Sunday Times.
Not worth thinking about.
Don't you think
I ought to be the judge of that?
Do you still have a copy?
Ma'am.
[door opens and shuts]
[dogs barking]
[Elizabeth] Come on, Rum.
Come on, heel to. Heel to.
Good, keep up. Well done. Let's go.
Good dog! Good dog!
[heater clicks, humming]
[footsteps approaching]
[exhales]
- The prime minister, Your Majesty.
- Prime Minister.
Your Majesty.
- Tea?
- Thank you.
Did you come by train?
Aeroplane. Then car.
- Oh, of course.
- [tea pouring]
You're a busy man. Every minute counts.
But I'm a great believer in coming by sea.
Instead of three hours door to door,
it can take as long as two weeks
on the royal yacht.
Wonderful way to decompress.
And as my great-great-grandmother,
who started the Western Isles Tour, said,
"Let time slow down
so that one breathes freedom and peace,
making one forget the world
and its sad turmoil."
I am aware the comparison
between Queen Victoria and me
has been made recently in the newspapers
and intended as criticism.
What people fail to understand is,
I see any similarity with Queen Victoria
as a compliment.
Attributes people use to describe her,
constancy, stability, calm, duty,
I would be proud to have describe me.
And speaking of the royal yacht, it has
now become clear that a small refit,
a teeny-tiny little refreshment
and refurbishment,
is required to keep her in tip-top shape.
I am aware the costs for its maintenance
are borne by the government,
not by the Palace, and so here I am,
coming to you, Prime Minister.
On bended knee. [chuckles softly]
For the sign-off.
But I'm hoping that will be a formality.
I'm just mindful that,
before she left office,
Mrs. Thatcher bequeathed the Palace
an extremely generous
civil list settlement.
A deal that leaves the royal family
richer than ever before.
Given that this deal was
designed precisely to forestall
any awkward public debate
on royal spending,
I feel bound to at least
raise the question
of whether there's a way you might
consider bearing the cost yourselves.
It's just, with the royal yacht being
perceived as something of a luxury,
there is a danger the Palace
could be seen to be asking for too much.
But she isn't a luxury.
Isn't she?
Prime Minister,
there has always been a royal yacht,
going all the way back to King Charles II.
She is a central and indispensable part
of the way the Crown serves the nation.
And the revenue she has generated
doing so is incalculable.
But we're in the midst
of a global recession.
Each penny of public spending
is closely scrutinized.
I worry that
the government spending public money
on the refurbishment of a lu
of a yacht might backfire.
On us both.
When I came to the throne,
all my palaces were inherited.
Windsor, Balmoral, Sandringham.
They all bear
the stamp of my predecessors.
Only Britannia have I truly been able
to make my own.
Perhaps for that reason,
the connection between me and the yacht
is very much deeper
than a mode of transport
or even a home.
From the design of the hull
to the smallest piece of china,
she is a floating,
seagoing expression of me.
I hope we can agree that, as sovereign,
I have made very few requests,
let alone demands,
in return for the service
I have given this country.
Perhaps the reason I have held back
is in the hope that when I actually do,
people don't just take it seriously.
They do as I ask without question.
So, I would like
this government's reassurance,
your reassurance, that the costs
for the refurbishments will be met,
and for you to inform me
as soon as the arrangements are in place.
I understand.
Now,
the Ghillies Ball tonight.
I have to ask, are you a dancer?
- [chuckles lightly]
- [cup clinks]
[man on radio] trying to turn the Ukraine
into an independent European country.
They want to break away from Moscow,
to turn their back on the leadership
of Gorbachev and Yeltsin.
Afternoon, Your Royal Highness.
Welcome back to Balmoral.
Sir.
to be aimed at the West
in a bid to earn hard currency.
The other Soviet republics
[indistinct chatter]
Thank you.
[overlapping chatter]
[announcer] Her Majesty the Queen.
- Will you do me the honor, Prime Minister?
- The honor would be mine, Your Majesty.
Ah.
You know this is my favorite.
- Oh yes.
- Very good.
- Are we ready?
- Ready.
Main thing to remember is
you mustn't follow him.
Here we go.
- [dance music playing]
- [clapping]
All right.
[Philip] But you have to understand,
it's not just upsetting
to reduce the royal yacht
to a cost-benefit equation.
It's offensive.
Oh yes, I know,
repairs are an economic inconvenience,
but I would argue a minor one,
next to the yacht's enduring role
as a national symbol.
And her importance
to the Queen personally.
Boys, say good night to Mr. Major.
- Good night, sir.
- Good night.
- Good night, sir.
- Good night.
- [applause]
- [song concludes]
- [dance music playing]
- [clapping]
Some local history for you,
if you're interested.
Of course.
Queen Victoria held
the first Ghillies Ball in 1852,
and there's been one every year since.
I see.
It began as a thank you
to the gamekeepers and other servants
and has since developed
into something of a Saturnalia.
- Hmm.
- If you know your classics.
Where the rules
are turned upside down for a day.
Masters serving the slaves,
and all disciplinary measures
suspended for the night.
[song concludes]
Oh, did you see?
[indistinct chatter]
I was just telling the prime minister
that these things can get quite giddy.
Not that I ever witness any of it.
The real fun only starts when I go to bed.
- Can I count on you for a full report?
- You can, Your Majesty.
[Elizabeth] Good night.
Shall we slip away?
[announcer] Her Majesty the Queen.
[hushed tones]
[chattering resumes]
[Charles] Prime Minister,
I understand you, um
you had an audience with the Queen today.
I know I shouldn't ask,
but, uh, I just hope
it plays well with the public.
Sir?
The, um the refit to Britannia.
- That is what she asked you for?
- Sir?
Sometimes these old things are
They're too costly to keep repairing.
[upbeat music playing]
I'll leave you with that thought.
- Shall we call it a night?
- We can't. Not yet.
Will you dance with me before I scream?
Oh
I'm so jealous you get to jump on a plane
and escape out of here tomorrow,
back to normality.
I'm stuck here for another two weeks.
But you just had a lovely family holiday.
You and the Prince of Wales
looked so happy.
You can judge the health of a family
by the state of the marriages within it.
And look.
Anne and Mark.
Look at Andrew and Sarah.
Charles and me.
I don't give any of us
more than six months.
And what happens then,
when the family falls apart?
I say the institution falls apart.
And then
[imitates explosion]
The presentation and appearance
[continues indistinctly]
[clamoring outside]
[laughter and chattering]
What's the matter?
- [distant gunshot]
- [cheering]
[inhales sharply]
When you imagine the problems you might
be confronted with as prime minister,
you imagine tricky sessions at PMQs.
The economy in free fall.
Going to war.
You never imagine this.
- [distant gunfire]
- [laughter]
The House of Windsor should be
binding the nation together.
Setting an example
of idealized family life.
Instead,
the senior royals seem dangerously deluded
and out of touch.
- [car horn honking]
- [engine revving]
The junior royals,
feckless, entitled,
and lost.
And the Prince of Wales,
impatient for a bigger role
in public life,
fails to appreciate
that his one great asset is his wife.
It's a situation that can't help
but affect the stability of the country.
And what makes it worse is,
it feels it's all about to erupt.
On my watch.
[laughter and chatter continue]
[gunshot]
[distant air horn blows]
[distant shouting]
[ominous instrumental music swells]