The Outer Limits (1995) s05e01 Episode Script
Alien Radio
1 ( radio tuning ) Of course the Warren commission was Bull, but that doesn't change the bottom line.
Oswald did it! He was a Patsy for the military.
Who is this guy, Oliver stone's retard brother? Read my lips! There was no conspiracy.
No friggin' way a bunch of jar-Headed foul-Ups who pay 800 bucks for a toilet seat could pull that off.
You're outta here.
Trudy, isn't there anyone that has something intelligent to say tonight? Your pal Rudy's on line two.
I guess the answer's no.
Hey, loser.
How's life on the other side of the galaxy? I told you not to call me that.
Mr.
Sensitive.
You still live in your parents' basement? You only go out when your extraterrestrial buddies take you for a joyride.
Let me check the dictionary.
Yep, there's your picture.
Right there under "Loser.
" ( taped laughter ) Well, I'd love to chat, but I've got another mental defective on line three.
Eldon, is it True? You have actual proof that we're surrounded by aliens? Just because you've never seen a thing doesn't mean it isn't real.
I'm shaking, Eldon.
Come on, lay your proof on me.
I can take it.
They're inside people.
Lots of people.
Except most of them don't know it.
But somehow you do.
Let me ask you something Why is it these space invaders, they never visit presidents of universities or brain surgeons? How come they always show up at some trailer park to a mook with bad teeth Who's got a love thang For his sister? I didn't ask to be infested by an alien.
Sure, you did.
You stopped taking your medication.
Do me a favor.
Pull over, let me talk to e.
T.
I'll straighten you both out.
I can feel him under my skin.
He's trying to get out.
You want to know the truth, Eldon? There are no aliens, not in our little corner of hell.
And if there were, the last person they'd want to hang out with is you A floater in the shallow end of the Gene pool.
I can't stand it anymore.
Me either! Do yourself a favor Put yourself out of your misery.
Your friends will thank me.
Well, people, I've got to hand it to you.
You've taken an otherwise depressing evening and made it truly dismal.
So until tomorrow, unless I get really lucky and die, this is Stan harbinger ( recording ) the harbinger of truth, truth, truth, truth, truth we got to talk about tomorrow.
Huh? The syndication meeting? We need another station.
Tulsa bailed, and we need at least 35 markets.
Trudy, you're the producer Produce.
Can I help you? I'm Eldon.
We've been waiting for you.
Hey, take it easy.
If you can see the light, you can see the truth.
What, are you out of your mind? ( screaming ) Oh, my god.
( heart beating ) What the ( control voice ) There is nothing wrong with your television.
Do not attempt to adjust the picture.
We are now controlling the transmission.
We control the horizontal, and the vertical.
We can deluge you with a thousand channels or expand one single image to crystal clarity and beyond.
We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.
For the next hour, we will control all that you see and hear.
( ) You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits.
The skeptic's world is a secure one built on unshakable truths.
But what happens when its foundation begins to crumble? I told you, the guy was already waiting for me.
He was covered in gasoline.
He said a bunch of stuff that didn't make any sense.
You didn't try to stop him? Try to stop him? There wasn't any time.
Then what happened? Then I got out the marshmallows.
The guy burned to death.
End of story.
Thanks very much, Mr.
Harbinger.
We'll get back to you.
Thanks.
When I think about What happened to that poor guy poor guy? Trudy, the guy tried to set me on fire.
He would have too, if he hadn't hadn't? Look.
Given the right time, place, circumstances anyone is capable of imagining anything.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means the guy was a deranged nutjob.
He got what he deserved.
There he is! Stan, how do you feel about that guy killing himself because of you? Has geraman broadcasting changed its mind about syndicating you? Don't those people have a war to cover? The press are morons.
What are we going to say to Phil? Don't worry about Phil.
Phil, how are you? Stan, you didn't say anything to those ratbags, did you? I'm saving it for the show.
Well, we should talk about that.
Phil, don't make me angry.
My listeners will expect me to talk about this.
I want you to talk about it, but we've got to be careful.
The dead guy.
Eldon Devries.
His wife wants to Sue everybody.
Let her.
It's totally meritless.
Do you honestly believe that it was my fault? In a literal sense? In any sense.
Geraman broadcasting has spent a great deal of money trying to syndicate your program.
We've already lost one potential affiliate due to local advertiser resistance.
In tulsa! We've got three more stations interested.
Amarillo, poughkeepsie, baton rouge.
You hear that? Poughkeepsie.
Are you aware of a group called the believers? Are you aware of a thing called a nose hair trimmer? They're one of those idiotic ufo Groups that think the Sky is falling and the government is in on it.
Everywhere they look, they see aliens.
They're cranks.
Lower on the food chain than trekkies.
You have antagonized them in the past.
Because they live in a dreamworld.
They're not reasonable people.
They're saying that you haven't been entirely truthful about what happened.
Have you been truthful with us, with the police? No, I set the guy on fire.
( Trudy ) How could you take these people seriously? They have a good-Sized membership which they say they'll use to protest in every city that you go into.
Perfect Instant publicity.
Instant bad publicity.
Phil it's a controversial show.
What better than to go wide during a controversy? Stan, this is more than a controversy.
A man is dead here.
And these believers say that you might have something to do with it.
Big picture We want advertisers with peace of mind and a willingness to spend money.
The little picture Angry nutjobs get stroked, they go back into their holes.
Where's the difficulty? So you want me to stroke them a little.
Exactly.
And please, apologize to the guy's family.
No mea culpas, Just you deeply regret that it happened.
Deeply and sincerely.
So I guess what I'm saying, people, is that it's tragic, the loss of life.
It's always unfortunate.
And this guy, Eldon, though he was obviously disturbed, I do feel what I mean is the fact that he died I'm sorry, but it's not my fault.
The man was delusional, and so are all of his whackjob, stargazing friends.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Loosely translated, "get lives, people.
" No apology will be forthcoming.
If that means kissing my job Goodbye, then so be it.
I'd rather flip burgers than sit here telling people a bunch of stuff I don't believe in.
You want sweet talk that makes you feel Better? Then go to your mamas.
You want the truth, then you've come to the right place.
Tell me that's what we're doing here, people, because I'm starting to lose faith.
Marco, speak to me.
My station manager right? F him, dude.
He's a total jerk.
Sheila, you agree? You're the harbinger of truth, Stan.
They should apologize to you.
You think you headed us off at the pass? No, I don't think anything.
But I know what I know.
Eddie, you read my mind.
It's from the lady at the bar.
You going to make me drink this alone? I wouldn't dream of invading your privacy.
You can invade.
I won't complain.
Enjoy the drink.
I insist you invade my privacy.
My name's Stan.
I know who you are.
Caught your show tonight.
You left quite a few bodies in your wake.
Yeah, well, just giving them what they pay me for.
I didn't catch your name.
Darcy.
Mind if I sit down, Darcy? You a regular listener? Occasional.
It's not often I'm by a radio that time of night.
Well, what are you usually doing? Working.
Playing whatever.
But not tonight.
No.
Tonight I got lucky.
Let me put it this way.
I come from the, um other side of the other side of the tracks.
You know that expression "The Meek shall inherit the earth.
" What it really means is they inherit the dirt.
Life is pointless, heaven's a fantasy, and hell is right here on earth.
Doesn't give a person much reason to go on living.
Ah, but that's why you you have to find the reason.
From the moment I saw you, I had a definite reason.
And what would that be? To see how good you'd look with this outfit folded over a chair.
And that's supposed to give me a reason to go on? It's the reason you bought me a drink.
Actually, no.
I, um, I just wanted to get to know you better.
Well, now you know me.
Apparently you don't know me.
I would never fold my dress over a chair.
I'd slip it on a hanger A wooden one.
I could see killing a tree to make that happen.
Pay for the drinks while I pop to the ladies'.
( heart beating ) Stan! Stan! What the hell are you doing? Here's some water.
Want something stronger? I'll get it.
Uh, yeah.
Some vodka.
It's in the freezer.
So, not that I'm the jealous type, but is this a habit of yours, following strange women out into the street? Oh, yeah, a really bad one.
Say, you didn't notice anything unusual about this woman? You mean, besides the bad Dye job, crummy lipstick, and those shoes? No, nothing.
Are you all right? My doctor keeps telling me that too many antacid tablets are bad for me.
I'm beginning to think he's right.
You know how it is.
A guy gets indigestion, suddenly he thinks he's got a tumor growing inside of him.
It's conspiracy on a molecular level.
You said it, sister.
And it's insidious.
And there's nothing we can do about it.
So, this other woman.
Clearly I'm going to have to do something to make you forget about her.
What other woman? I think I've changed my mind about that image I had of you.
Oh, yeah? You'd look even better with this outfit right here on the floor.
That mouth of yours is a dangerous weapon.
Tell me about it.
So, would you really quit if they forced you to apologize? Where did that come from? I have a confession to make.
I'm not actually an occasional listener.
The ugly truth comes out.
You listen all the time? No, no, no.
Not when you're on vacation.
I don't do "best of" shows.
I prefer it live and in my face.
I guess I sort of saw it coming.
What can I say? You inspired me.
Like the way you handled that guy who killed himself.
My Buddy Eldon.
Mm-hmm.
I could have called in my support, but actions speak so much louder than words.
I thought you guys were clear on the apology issue.
It's not going to happen.
It's going to happen, or else.
You've made a bad situation worse.
Our advertisers are going off their nut.
Not to mention the effect you had on the widow.
If Stan's not willing to help us, we'll have to re-Evaluate our willingness to help Stan.
Jules Mason, our afternoon guy, could do it.
Jules sucks.
Ask the believers what they'd like Stan to say, and he could read it on the air.
You know, that sounds tempting.
You would let those psychos put words in his mouth? Would all of you please shut up? Trudy? You're brilliant.
If they want a soapbox, we'd be stupid not to give it to them.
I was being sarcastic.
A 50,000 Watt megaphone So they can tell the world that we're surrounded by martians.
It'll be like shooting turkeys with a bazooka.
You want to drive another one of these schmucks to suicide? Whoever the guy is, I'll give him an open Mike.
I don't think your Listeners will go for that.
What do you want to bet that the believers make total fools of themselves? We'll ask them about Eldon, what they think happened.
I'm dying to hear their explanation.
That way the radio station's off the hook, our listeners get a good laugh and maybe finally we'll have something else to talk about.
I hope you know what you're doing.
What's the matter? You don't trust me anymore.
It's the believers I'm worried about.
( intercom ) Stan, your guests are here.
Send them in.
I thought they were going to send one guy.
Two people Twice as much fun.
If I were babe Ruth, I'd be pointing toward the bleachers.
Mr.
Harbinger? Nice to meet you.
I'm Moses Saxon.
Oh, yeah, hi, Moses.
You already know my associate, Ms.
Kipling.
How are you, Stan? Stan, talk to me.
What's going on? She's a believer.
Time is running out for people on this planet.
No wonder you left me before I woke up.
You two slept together? Okay, I don't think we should do this.
We have a deal.
We're back from commercial in 30 seconds.
I say we blow it off.
Surely you're not afraid of us.
Don't flatter yourself.
Unless you don't want your audience to know that you saw an alien several nights ago.
What are you talking about? We're back in 20.
You know the truth and you refuse to reveal it.
Sit down.
Trudy, set up their mikes.
Okay.
No, uh, editorializing.
That's the deal.
Hey, it's Stan harbinger.
We're back at ya.
Before the break, I told you we had a very special guest.
Well, I lied.
We have two guests.
Our first is Moses Saxon.
Moses is a creepy-Looking guy with bad skin who I haven't gotten to know yet and don't think I will.
His cohort is Darcy Darcy, what is your last name? Kipling.
Kipling.
Well, that's a different story.
Darcy and I are old friends.
In fact, you could say that we both know what the other looks like drunk and naked.
Don't we, sweetie? Our agreement was Eat me.
Come on, Darcy, tell my listeners how good I was.
You were great.
Put a big smile on my face.
And you put a big smile on mine.
Two big smiles.
I want to say that the believers have no quarrel with you, Mr.
Harbinger.
We believe in the truth as much as you do.
Is that right? ( taped laughter ) And the truth is, earth is being colonized by beings from another part of the galaxy.
For the moment, their numbers are too few to guarantee success, so while they wait for more of their kind to arrive, they live covertly Inside people like Eldon Devries.
Do you have an alien slumming inside of you? It is possible, and I'd have no way of knowing.
Most aliens' hosts are ordinary people who are unaware of the awful thing living inside of them.
But sometimes that control the aliens have, it breaks down.
We don't know why.
That's what happened to Eldon.
He became aware and he in turn tried to make us aware through you.
Which episode of Dr.
Who did you steal this from? ( heart beating ) You saw Eldon Devries die, Mr.
Harbinger.
You saw the alien inside of him vacate Eldon's body.
Why won't you tell the truth about it? Maybe because it didn't happen.
You've been sensitized to the light frequency in which the aliens live.
In fact, you've seen at least one other alien since Eldon, haven't you? You told Ms.
Kipling yourself that you have seen aliens, that you saw the alien that emerged from Eldon Devries.
Your listeners deserve to know what you said the other night.
The ugly truth about Eldon is, he was right.
I didn't say that.
The ugly truth comes out.
It was something Inside of him.
An alien? Yeah.
It's insidious.
There's nothing we can do about it.
There's nothing we can do about it.
This tape is completely fabricated.
Are you saying that it's not your voice? Do tell us the truth.
What did you see as Eldon Devries was dying? Just say it, Mr.
Harbinger.
Tell the audience what you saw.
Stan! What the hell were you thinking? The guy set me up.
Stan, you attacked the man on the air.
I should have killed the son of a bitch.
You're lucky he's not pressing charges.
Don't be a jellyfish.
You don't get it.
Well, get this It's over.
You don't work here anymore.
That's exactly what they want you to do.
That's fine, that's fine.
It's over.
They win.
Phil, you don't want to do this.
Look, we're fired, okay? There's a trillion people out there who want to be in business with us.
Provided you don't kill them first.
I'll go a couple rounds with you.
Go to hell, Jules.
You wish you could do what Stan does.
I'll remember that when I'm in syndication instead of him.
I got to hand it to you, Darcy.
You're a woman of many talents.
I wasn't supposed to sleep with you.
I did that because I wanted to.
The truth is, Stan, I like you.
Oh, yeah, well, I like you too.
So what was that? Some kind of bonus? I didn't catch anything from you, did I? You have to believe me.
Getting you thrown off the air was not our goal.
All we wanted was for you to tell the damn truth.
The truth? Like that tape you manufactured? We're at war, Stan.
War changes everything.
And the truth is, you have seen aliens.
The woman in the bar.
What was so unusual about her? There could be a thousand other explanations.
Tell me about the sounds you've been hearing then.
Most people who report sightings also report hearing the distinctive alien triple heartbeat.
( tapping ) Look, given the right time, place, circumstances.
Are you going to deny the headaches you've been having? They're terrible, and they never go away.
It's the light that's doing it.
Our human brains don't normally perceive the light frequencies in which the aliens exist.
But if you can see the light you can see the truth.
You should see all the evidence we've accumulated.
Stan, let us help you before the aliens start screwing with you.
They want you to think that you're going crazy.
I'm not going crazy! How do you feel about that guy killing himself because of you? I'm Eldon.
Been waiting, waiting for you.
He's trying to get out! They're inside people.
Lots of people.
But it's not my fault.
Do tell us the truth.
You saw an alien emerge from him, didn't you? You're saying that it's not our voice? It's the light that's doing it to you, Stan.
If you can see the light you can see the truth.
It's the believers I'm worried about.
Surely you're not afraid of us, Mr.
Harbinger.
That tape is completely fabricated.
They want you to think that you're going crazy.
I don't know why I didn't see it before, that's the kind of garbage these bastards are into.
Now, mind you This isn't exactly what their alien looks like.
The skin's not right, and the eyes.
Oh, my god! I'm not making this up.
What about Eldon, okay? Was he wearing a Mask? You're starting to sound like one of them.
Stan, I've been talking to some people.
Some of the smaller markets, real rathole stations with nothing to lose and they might be willing to give us a shot.
Are you interested? Trudy, I think you hit on something.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
It's going to take some time, but if we can start with the smaller markets and then platform into the bigger ones Eldon was one of them.
He was in on it.
They put on a whole show For my benefit, rig it with smoke and fire, yank a body out of the morgue.
Don't you see, Trudy? Eldon's alive I bet my life on it.
He's alive, and I'm going to prove it.
( woman ) As far as I'm concerned, that Stan harbinger is the scum of the earth.
I don't care that he's out of work.
That's not going to bring Eldon back.
Vindictive? Morty, don't you understand? I'm not suing him for me, I'm suing him for Eldon! My head is splitting.
I've got to go lie down.
( heart beating ) ( footsteps approaching ) ( heart beating ) I don't know how far away it was.
All I know is that it was, or that it seemed like it was.
That sounds right.
We know they use that spectrum of light for transport and communication.
I didn't give him any of it, Moses.
No maybe he found it on-Line.
Moses! I saw something, all right? Something I cannot explain.
Something that is beyond my realm of comprehension! Do you think I invited you here because I wanted to hang out? Is that really necessary? Yes.
It's the only thing that works for my headache.
( coughing ) I believe him.
Thank you.
We'll put a watch on the house.
A watch? People need to know about this.
For the moment I prefer that we not tip them off.
But there is an alien living in that house having lightwave conversations with with some kind of starship.
Will you listen to me I got to go.
That's it? Look, I believe you.
I want to help! We'd prefer that you didn't.
Stan, when you lost your job, you compromised your usefulness to us.
Right now you're a pariah.
A pariah? For Everyone's sake, just do as you're told.
One minute you want me to tell the world we're surrounded by aliens, the next minute you want me to shut up about it.
There's something else you should know.
You're in a lot of danger.
It's best if you lie low.
If you don't, they'll come for you.
You're a threat.
More of a threat than you are? We can't see them.
If they did come for us, they know they'd be proving us right.
Stan, your only hope is to just disappear.
Thanks for coming, Trudy.
I got an idea.
We get as many stations as we can, all right? I don't care if There are 10 listeners.
For the last couple of days, I've seen things Things you wouldn't believe.
I'm not sure I believe them.
But they're real.
They're real as can be.
I got to be out there.
I got to make noise about it.
It's great to see that spark in you again, but the deal is gone.
No, no, you've got to call them back.
You get their numbers.
I'll call them back.
You need to get some help.
No, no, no, no.
Trudy, Trudy.
I know I haven't been Yeah, you know, um, I got to tell you that I I went back to Phil and I begged for our jobs back.
He said yes? He gave me my job back.
I'm producing Jules Mason's new show.
You know, as soon as I feel like Phil trusts me again, I'll work on him.
He'll bring you back, I know he will.
Get out.
Stan? No, go on, get out.
So I say to the girl, "Honey, where did you get the implants?" I mean, she had breasts the size of howitzer casings.
Bad boob jobs Let's talk about it, people.
Hey, Trudy.
What's it like working with a sane person? For those of you not in the know, my producer used to work with Stan harbinger.
Wow, only two weeks off the air, already relegated to the "where are they now?" file.
Stan's doing just fine.
He'll be back soon.
But not on these airwaves.
Wow, it looks like we have our first caller.
Joe, do you have a bad boob job story? ( Stan ) Yeah, I got a story, Jules.
It's not about your boobs, is it, Joe? This is about something way more important than that.
More important than boobs? Well, I guess that would depend on where the fate of the universe fits into your scheme of things.
Oh, thanks for the call, Joe.
I used to be a cynic, but then I saw something.
Except when I saw it, I didn't want to accept that my view of the world could be so wrong.
Is that right, Joe? What did you see? I saw the truth.
Aliens are real.
They're here.
They want our planet, and they're going to take it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have a very special guest on the phone.
That is you, Stan, isn't it? The believers were right about Eldon.
When he died, the alien that lived inside him, he tried to escape.
He died anyway.
And I saw it.
I believe you, Stan.
You're the harbinger of truth.
You wouldn't make up stuff.
Look, you little pissant.
I am not some crackpot.
That's right up there with "I am not a Crook.
" Of course you're a crackpot, Stan.
That's why you're there and I'm here.
I'm warning you, Jules.
( Dial tone ) Jules.
Stan, I swear to god Nice to see you too, Phil.
Wow, size triple-Ds.
Can I get a picture of them? Stan, don't! Get a picture of this.
Please.
Please, you've got to let me see Stan.
The alien died because Eldon killed it.
He forced it into the light.
Our frequency is hard on them, just like their light frequency is hard on us.
But they can survive if they're in a human host.
I mean, look it up for yourself.
( Jules ) Stan, we're trying to understand, but you've got to put down the gun.
Stan, we're working to get you back on the air.
But we need more time.
Stop stalling! Communicate through the computer.
( Jules ) Are you seeing these aliens because of the booze? ( Stan ) I'm seeing it because of Eldon.
He showed me the light.
They're saying if you release one of us, they'll let you broadcast.
I want this Mike hot now, or I'll empty the gun in him.
They're saying they have to speak to you personally.
You want these people to die, is that it? Oh, my head.
The aliens think This is going to stop me, but they're wrong.
You see, that's the problem.
Eldon didn't know there was an alien inside him until the very end.
I bet you if I went up to his wife right now and told her there was an alien inside of her she'd think I was insane.
You are insane.
I swear to god, Jules.
Stan! Put us on the airwaves or there's going to be bloodshed.
Relax, Stan.
You win.
We're putting you back on the air.
Good! Do it! First I'm going to tell you the deal and it's not negotiable.
I'm going to clear out this building, then you're going to release the girl.
When she's outside and safe, you're back on the air.
You have five minutes to say your piece, then you'll put down the gun and walk out.
You're a man of your word, am I right? Then the way I just described it, that's how it's going to be.
I'll see you.
Get that transmitter cranked up.
Yeah.
Trudy, am I on the air? Loud and clear, Stan.
You're coming out of every radio here.
Good.
I want to talk about the truth.
You know the old saying "if you talk to god, it's called prayer.
"If god talks to you, it's called paranoid schizophrenia.
" Well, when you think about What the aliens are doing, I got to hand it to them.
Their strategy is brilliant Divide and conquer.
Make half the world think aliens Do exist.
Make the other half think the first half is crazy.
You keep playing the ends against the middle while you invade from the rear, till nobody knows what's what anymore.
And the punchline to this great joke is that they get people like me to tell people like you that people like them don't exist.
( crackling ) Let me tell you, I have been wrong.
We are surrounded.
Something's wrong with the signal.
It's like we're kicking out at 10 Watts.
Actually it's 2.
That's what the police wanted.
Frankly, I hate it that we gave in at all.
Son of a bitch! They could be living inside you.
( phone dialing ) Someone you love.
( phone ringing ) You hear me, people? You know what I'm saying is True.
( heart beating ) Oh, my god.
What the hell's happening to me? Oh.
They're in me.
They're in me.
They're in me! ( heart beating ) I'm one of them.
Jules, get out, get out.
They're aliens, Jules.
Run.
Jules, you're surrounded.
Run! Yeah, we're aliens, all right.
Who isn't? Must have hurt like hell.
Battle going on between your ears.
Shame.
He was so useful to us.
Won't be easy finding another harbinger of truth.
May I? No.
Run, Jules.
Damn, he killed the hostage before we could stop him.
Then when he pointed his gun at us you wanted the truth, Stan? Now you've got it.
It's them.
They're the ones.
They did this to Stan.
Get that nut out of here.
They're not who you think they are.
Listen to me, I'm telling you the truth! ( control voice ) If we Mock that which we do not understand, we may learn too late that the penalty for such Arrogance is annihilation.
Captioning performed by Western captioning service ltd.
Vancouver, B.
C.
1998
Oswald did it! He was a Patsy for the military.
Who is this guy, Oliver stone's retard brother? Read my lips! There was no conspiracy.
No friggin' way a bunch of jar-Headed foul-Ups who pay 800 bucks for a toilet seat could pull that off.
You're outta here.
Trudy, isn't there anyone that has something intelligent to say tonight? Your pal Rudy's on line two.
I guess the answer's no.
Hey, loser.
How's life on the other side of the galaxy? I told you not to call me that.
Mr.
Sensitive.
You still live in your parents' basement? You only go out when your extraterrestrial buddies take you for a joyride.
Let me check the dictionary.
Yep, there's your picture.
Right there under "Loser.
" ( taped laughter ) Well, I'd love to chat, but I've got another mental defective on line three.
Eldon, is it True? You have actual proof that we're surrounded by aliens? Just because you've never seen a thing doesn't mean it isn't real.
I'm shaking, Eldon.
Come on, lay your proof on me.
I can take it.
They're inside people.
Lots of people.
Except most of them don't know it.
But somehow you do.
Let me ask you something Why is it these space invaders, they never visit presidents of universities or brain surgeons? How come they always show up at some trailer park to a mook with bad teeth Who's got a love thang For his sister? I didn't ask to be infested by an alien.
Sure, you did.
You stopped taking your medication.
Do me a favor.
Pull over, let me talk to e.
T.
I'll straighten you both out.
I can feel him under my skin.
He's trying to get out.
You want to know the truth, Eldon? There are no aliens, not in our little corner of hell.
And if there were, the last person they'd want to hang out with is you A floater in the shallow end of the Gene pool.
I can't stand it anymore.
Me either! Do yourself a favor Put yourself out of your misery.
Your friends will thank me.
Well, people, I've got to hand it to you.
You've taken an otherwise depressing evening and made it truly dismal.
So until tomorrow, unless I get really lucky and die, this is Stan harbinger ( recording ) the harbinger of truth, truth, truth, truth, truth we got to talk about tomorrow.
Huh? The syndication meeting? We need another station.
Tulsa bailed, and we need at least 35 markets.
Trudy, you're the producer Produce.
Can I help you? I'm Eldon.
We've been waiting for you.
Hey, take it easy.
If you can see the light, you can see the truth.
What, are you out of your mind? ( screaming ) Oh, my god.
( heart beating ) What the ( control voice ) There is nothing wrong with your television.
Do not attempt to adjust the picture.
We are now controlling the transmission.
We control the horizontal, and the vertical.
We can deluge you with a thousand channels or expand one single image to crystal clarity and beyond.
We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.
For the next hour, we will control all that you see and hear.
( ) You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits.
The skeptic's world is a secure one built on unshakable truths.
But what happens when its foundation begins to crumble? I told you, the guy was already waiting for me.
He was covered in gasoline.
He said a bunch of stuff that didn't make any sense.
You didn't try to stop him? Try to stop him? There wasn't any time.
Then what happened? Then I got out the marshmallows.
The guy burned to death.
End of story.
Thanks very much, Mr.
Harbinger.
We'll get back to you.
Thanks.
When I think about What happened to that poor guy poor guy? Trudy, the guy tried to set me on fire.
He would have too, if he hadn't hadn't? Look.
Given the right time, place, circumstances anyone is capable of imagining anything.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means the guy was a deranged nutjob.
He got what he deserved.
There he is! Stan, how do you feel about that guy killing himself because of you? Has geraman broadcasting changed its mind about syndicating you? Don't those people have a war to cover? The press are morons.
What are we going to say to Phil? Don't worry about Phil.
Phil, how are you? Stan, you didn't say anything to those ratbags, did you? I'm saving it for the show.
Well, we should talk about that.
Phil, don't make me angry.
My listeners will expect me to talk about this.
I want you to talk about it, but we've got to be careful.
The dead guy.
Eldon Devries.
His wife wants to Sue everybody.
Let her.
It's totally meritless.
Do you honestly believe that it was my fault? In a literal sense? In any sense.
Geraman broadcasting has spent a great deal of money trying to syndicate your program.
We've already lost one potential affiliate due to local advertiser resistance.
In tulsa! We've got three more stations interested.
Amarillo, poughkeepsie, baton rouge.
You hear that? Poughkeepsie.
Are you aware of a group called the believers? Are you aware of a thing called a nose hair trimmer? They're one of those idiotic ufo Groups that think the Sky is falling and the government is in on it.
Everywhere they look, they see aliens.
They're cranks.
Lower on the food chain than trekkies.
You have antagonized them in the past.
Because they live in a dreamworld.
They're not reasonable people.
They're saying that you haven't been entirely truthful about what happened.
Have you been truthful with us, with the police? No, I set the guy on fire.
( Trudy ) How could you take these people seriously? They have a good-Sized membership which they say they'll use to protest in every city that you go into.
Perfect Instant publicity.
Instant bad publicity.
Phil it's a controversial show.
What better than to go wide during a controversy? Stan, this is more than a controversy.
A man is dead here.
And these believers say that you might have something to do with it.
Big picture We want advertisers with peace of mind and a willingness to spend money.
The little picture Angry nutjobs get stroked, they go back into their holes.
Where's the difficulty? So you want me to stroke them a little.
Exactly.
And please, apologize to the guy's family.
No mea culpas, Just you deeply regret that it happened.
Deeply and sincerely.
So I guess what I'm saying, people, is that it's tragic, the loss of life.
It's always unfortunate.
And this guy, Eldon, though he was obviously disturbed, I do feel what I mean is the fact that he died I'm sorry, but it's not my fault.
The man was delusional, and so are all of his whackjob, stargazing friends.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Loosely translated, "get lives, people.
" No apology will be forthcoming.
If that means kissing my job Goodbye, then so be it.
I'd rather flip burgers than sit here telling people a bunch of stuff I don't believe in.
You want sweet talk that makes you feel Better? Then go to your mamas.
You want the truth, then you've come to the right place.
Tell me that's what we're doing here, people, because I'm starting to lose faith.
Marco, speak to me.
My station manager right? F him, dude.
He's a total jerk.
Sheila, you agree? You're the harbinger of truth, Stan.
They should apologize to you.
You think you headed us off at the pass? No, I don't think anything.
But I know what I know.
Eddie, you read my mind.
It's from the lady at the bar.
You going to make me drink this alone? I wouldn't dream of invading your privacy.
You can invade.
I won't complain.
Enjoy the drink.
I insist you invade my privacy.
My name's Stan.
I know who you are.
Caught your show tonight.
You left quite a few bodies in your wake.
Yeah, well, just giving them what they pay me for.
I didn't catch your name.
Darcy.
Mind if I sit down, Darcy? You a regular listener? Occasional.
It's not often I'm by a radio that time of night.
Well, what are you usually doing? Working.
Playing whatever.
But not tonight.
No.
Tonight I got lucky.
Let me put it this way.
I come from the, um other side of the other side of the tracks.
You know that expression "The Meek shall inherit the earth.
" What it really means is they inherit the dirt.
Life is pointless, heaven's a fantasy, and hell is right here on earth.
Doesn't give a person much reason to go on living.
Ah, but that's why you you have to find the reason.
From the moment I saw you, I had a definite reason.
And what would that be? To see how good you'd look with this outfit folded over a chair.
And that's supposed to give me a reason to go on? It's the reason you bought me a drink.
Actually, no.
I, um, I just wanted to get to know you better.
Well, now you know me.
Apparently you don't know me.
I would never fold my dress over a chair.
I'd slip it on a hanger A wooden one.
I could see killing a tree to make that happen.
Pay for the drinks while I pop to the ladies'.
( heart beating ) Stan! Stan! What the hell are you doing? Here's some water.
Want something stronger? I'll get it.
Uh, yeah.
Some vodka.
It's in the freezer.
So, not that I'm the jealous type, but is this a habit of yours, following strange women out into the street? Oh, yeah, a really bad one.
Say, you didn't notice anything unusual about this woman? You mean, besides the bad Dye job, crummy lipstick, and those shoes? No, nothing.
Are you all right? My doctor keeps telling me that too many antacid tablets are bad for me.
I'm beginning to think he's right.
You know how it is.
A guy gets indigestion, suddenly he thinks he's got a tumor growing inside of him.
It's conspiracy on a molecular level.
You said it, sister.
And it's insidious.
And there's nothing we can do about it.
So, this other woman.
Clearly I'm going to have to do something to make you forget about her.
What other woman? I think I've changed my mind about that image I had of you.
Oh, yeah? You'd look even better with this outfit right here on the floor.
That mouth of yours is a dangerous weapon.
Tell me about it.
So, would you really quit if they forced you to apologize? Where did that come from? I have a confession to make.
I'm not actually an occasional listener.
The ugly truth comes out.
You listen all the time? No, no, no.
Not when you're on vacation.
I don't do "best of" shows.
I prefer it live and in my face.
I guess I sort of saw it coming.
What can I say? You inspired me.
Like the way you handled that guy who killed himself.
My Buddy Eldon.
Mm-hmm.
I could have called in my support, but actions speak so much louder than words.
I thought you guys were clear on the apology issue.
It's not going to happen.
It's going to happen, or else.
You've made a bad situation worse.
Our advertisers are going off their nut.
Not to mention the effect you had on the widow.
If Stan's not willing to help us, we'll have to re-Evaluate our willingness to help Stan.
Jules Mason, our afternoon guy, could do it.
Jules sucks.
Ask the believers what they'd like Stan to say, and he could read it on the air.
You know, that sounds tempting.
You would let those psychos put words in his mouth? Would all of you please shut up? Trudy? You're brilliant.
If they want a soapbox, we'd be stupid not to give it to them.
I was being sarcastic.
A 50,000 Watt megaphone So they can tell the world that we're surrounded by martians.
It'll be like shooting turkeys with a bazooka.
You want to drive another one of these schmucks to suicide? Whoever the guy is, I'll give him an open Mike.
I don't think your Listeners will go for that.
What do you want to bet that the believers make total fools of themselves? We'll ask them about Eldon, what they think happened.
I'm dying to hear their explanation.
That way the radio station's off the hook, our listeners get a good laugh and maybe finally we'll have something else to talk about.
I hope you know what you're doing.
What's the matter? You don't trust me anymore.
It's the believers I'm worried about.
( intercom ) Stan, your guests are here.
Send them in.
I thought they were going to send one guy.
Two people Twice as much fun.
If I were babe Ruth, I'd be pointing toward the bleachers.
Mr.
Harbinger? Nice to meet you.
I'm Moses Saxon.
Oh, yeah, hi, Moses.
You already know my associate, Ms.
Kipling.
How are you, Stan? Stan, talk to me.
What's going on? She's a believer.
Time is running out for people on this planet.
No wonder you left me before I woke up.
You two slept together? Okay, I don't think we should do this.
We have a deal.
We're back from commercial in 30 seconds.
I say we blow it off.
Surely you're not afraid of us.
Don't flatter yourself.
Unless you don't want your audience to know that you saw an alien several nights ago.
What are you talking about? We're back in 20.
You know the truth and you refuse to reveal it.
Sit down.
Trudy, set up their mikes.
Okay.
No, uh, editorializing.
That's the deal.
Hey, it's Stan harbinger.
We're back at ya.
Before the break, I told you we had a very special guest.
Well, I lied.
We have two guests.
Our first is Moses Saxon.
Moses is a creepy-Looking guy with bad skin who I haven't gotten to know yet and don't think I will.
His cohort is Darcy Darcy, what is your last name? Kipling.
Kipling.
Well, that's a different story.
Darcy and I are old friends.
In fact, you could say that we both know what the other looks like drunk and naked.
Don't we, sweetie? Our agreement was Eat me.
Come on, Darcy, tell my listeners how good I was.
You were great.
Put a big smile on my face.
And you put a big smile on mine.
Two big smiles.
I want to say that the believers have no quarrel with you, Mr.
Harbinger.
We believe in the truth as much as you do.
Is that right? ( taped laughter ) And the truth is, earth is being colonized by beings from another part of the galaxy.
For the moment, their numbers are too few to guarantee success, so while they wait for more of their kind to arrive, they live covertly Inside people like Eldon Devries.
Do you have an alien slumming inside of you? It is possible, and I'd have no way of knowing.
Most aliens' hosts are ordinary people who are unaware of the awful thing living inside of them.
But sometimes that control the aliens have, it breaks down.
We don't know why.
That's what happened to Eldon.
He became aware and he in turn tried to make us aware through you.
Which episode of Dr.
Who did you steal this from? ( heart beating ) You saw Eldon Devries die, Mr.
Harbinger.
You saw the alien inside of him vacate Eldon's body.
Why won't you tell the truth about it? Maybe because it didn't happen.
You've been sensitized to the light frequency in which the aliens live.
In fact, you've seen at least one other alien since Eldon, haven't you? You told Ms.
Kipling yourself that you have seen aliens, that you saw the alien that emerged from Eldon Devries.
Your listeners deserve to know what you said the other night.
The ugly truth about Eldon is, he was right.
I didn't say that.
The ugly truth comes out.
It was something Inside of him.
An alien? Yeah.
It's insidious.
There's nothing we can do about it.
There's nothing we can do about it.
This tape is completely fabricated.
Are you saying that it's not your voice? Do tell us the truth.
What did you see as Eldon Devries was dying? Just say it, Mr.
Harbinger.
Tell the audience what you saw.
Stan! What the hell were you thinking? The guy set me up.
Stan, you attacked the man on the air.
I should have killed the son of a bitch.
You're lucky he's not pressing charges.
Don't be a jellyfish.
You don't get it.
Well, get this It's over.
You don't work here anymore.
That's exactly what they want you to do.
That's fine, that's fine.
It's over.
They win.
Phil, you don't want to do this.
Look, we're fired, okay? There's a trillion people out there who want to be in business with us.
Provided you don't kill them first.
I'll go a couple rounds with you.
Go to hell, Jules.
You wish you could do what Stan does.
I'll remember that when I'm in syndication instead of him.
I got to hand it to you, Darcy.
You're a woman of many talents.
I wasn't supposed to sleep with you.
I did that because I wanted to.
The truth is, Stan, I like you.
Oh, yeah, well, I like you too.
So what was that? Some kind of bonus? I didn't catch anything from you, did I? You have to believe me.
Getting you thrown off the air was not our goal.
All we wanted was for you to tell the damn truth.
The truth? Like that tape you manufactured? We're at war, Stan.
War changes everything.
And the truth is, you have seen aliens.
The woman in the bar.
What was so unusual about her? There could be a thousand other explanations.
Tell me about the sounds you've been hearing then.
Most people who report sightings also report hearing the distinctive alien triple heartbeat.
( tapping ) Look, given the right time, place, circumstances.
Are you going to deny the headaches you've been having? They're terrible, and they never go away.
It's the light that's doing it.
Our human brains don't normally perceive the light frequencies in which the aliens exist.
But if you can see the light you can see the truth.
You should see all the evidence we've accumulated.
Stan, let us help you before the aliens start screwing with you.
They want you to think that you're going crazy.
I'm not going crazy! How do you feel about that guy killing himself because of you? I'm Eldon.
Been waiting, waiting for you.
He's trying to get out! They're inside people.
Lots of people.
But it's not my fault.
Do tell us the truth.
You saw an alien emerge from him, didn't you? You're saying that it's not our voice? It's the light that's doing it to you, Stan.
If you can see the light you can see the truth.
It's the believers I'm worried about.
Surely you're not afraid of us, Mr.
Harbinger.
That tape is completely fabricated.
They want you to think that you're going crazy.
I don't know why I didn't see it before, that's the kind of garbage these bastards are into.
Now, mind you This isn't exactly what their alien looks like.
The skin's not right, and the eyes.
Oh, my god! I'm not making this up.
What about Eldon, okay? Was he wearing a Mask? You're starting to sound like one of them.
Stan, I've been talking to some people.
Some of the smaller markets, real rathole stations with nothing to lose and they might be willing to give us a shot.
Are you interested? Trudy, I think you hit on something.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
It's going to take some time, but if we can start with the smaller markets and then platform into the bigger ones Eldon was one of them.
He was in on it.
They put on a whole show For my benefit, rig it with smoke and fire, yank a body out of the morgue.
Don't you see, Trudy? Eldon's alive I bet my life on it.
He's alive, and I'm going to prove it.
( woman ) As far as I'm concerned, that Stan harbinger is the scum of the earth.
I don't care that he's out of work.
That's not going to bring Eldon back.
Vindictive? Morty, don't you understand? I'm not suing him for me, I'm suing him for Eldon! My head is splitting.
I've got to go lie down.
( heart beating ) ( footsteps approaching ) ( heart beating ) I don't know how far away it was.
All I know is that it was, or that it seemed like it was.
That sounds right.
We know they use that spectrum of light for transport and communication.
I didn't give him any of it, Moses.
No maybe he found it on-Line.
Moses! I saw something, all right? Something I cannot explain.
Something that is beyond my realm of comprehension! Do you think I invited you here because I wanted to hang out? Is that really necessary? Yes.
It's the only thing that works for my headache.
( coughing ) I believe him.
Thank you.
We'll put a watch on the house.
A watch? People need to know about this.
For the moment I prefer that we not tip them off.
But there is an alien living in that house having lightwave conversations with with some kind of starship.
Will you listen to me I got to go.
That's it? Look, I believe you.
I want to help! We'd prefer that you didn't.
Stan, when you lost your job, you compromised your usefulness to us.
Right now you're a pariah.
A pariah? For Everyone's sake, just do as you're told.
One minute you want me to tell the world we're surrounded by aliens, the next minute you want me to shut up about it.
There's something else you should know.
You're in a lot of danger.
It's best if you lie low.
If you don't, they'll come for you.
You're a threat.
More of a threat than you are? We can't see them.
If they did come for us, they know they'd be proving us right.
Stan, your only hope is to just disappear.
Thanks for coming, Trudy.
I got an idea.
We get as many stations as we can, all right? I don't care if There are 10 listeners.
For the last couple of days, I've seen things Things you wouldn't believe.
I'm not sure I believe them.
But they're real.
They're real as can be.
I got to be out there.
I got to make noise about it.
It's great to see that spark in you again, but the deal is gone.
No, no, you've got to call them back.
You get their numbers.
I'll call them back.
You need to get some help.
No, no, no, no.
Trudy, Trudy.
I know I haven't been Yeah, you know, um, I got to tell you that I I went back to Phil and I begged for our jobs back.
He said yes? He gave me my job back.
I'm producing Jules Mason's new show.
You know, as soon as I feel like Phil trusts me again, I'll work on him.
He'll bring you back, I know he will.
Get out.
Stan? No, go on, get out.
So I say to the girl, "Honey, where did you get the implants?" I mean, she had breasts the size of howitzer casings.
Bad boob jobs Let's talk about it, people.
Hey, Trudy.
What's it like working with a sane person? For those of you not in the know, my producer used to work with Stan harbinger.
Wow, only two weeks off the air, already relegated to the "where are they now?" file.
Stan's doing just fine.
He'll be back soon.
But not on these airwaves.
Wow, it looks like we have our first caller.
Joe, do you have a bad boob job story? ( Stan ) Yeah, I got a story, Jules.
It's not about your boobs, is it, Joe? This is about something way more important than that.
More important than boobs? Well, I guess that would depend on where the fate of the universe fits into your scheme of things.
Oh, thanks for the call, Joe.
I used to be a cynic, but then I saw something.
Except when I saw it, I didn't want to accept that my view of the world could be so wrong.
Is that right, Joe? What did you see? I saw the truth.
Aliens are real.
They're here.
They want our planet, and they're going to take it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have a very special guest on the phone.
That is you, Stan, isn't it? The believers were right about Eldon.
When he died, the alien that lived inside him, he tried to escape.
He died anyway.
And I saw it.
I believe you, Stan.
You're the harbinger of truth.
You wouldn't make up stuff.
Look, you little pissant.
I am not some crackpot.
That's right up there with "I am not a Crook.
" Of course you're a crackpot, Stan.
That's why you're there and I'm here.
I'm warning you, Jules.
( Dial tone ) Jules.
Stan, I swear to god Nice to see you too, Phil.
Wow, size triple-Ds.
Can I get a picture of them? Stan, don't! Get a picture of this.
Please.
Please, you've got to let me see Stan.
The alien died because Eldon killed it.
He forced it into the light.
Our frequency is hard on them, just like their light frequency is hard on us.
But they can survive if they're in a human host.
I mean, look it up for yourself.
( Jules ) Stan, we're trying to understand, but you've got to put down the gun.
Stan, we're working to get you back on the air.
But we need more time.
Stop stalling! Communicate through the computer.
( Jules ) Are you seeing these aliens because of the booze? ( Stan ) I'm seeing it because of Eldon.
He showed me the light.
They're saying if you release one of us, they'll let you broadcast.
I want this Mike hot now, or I'll empty the gun in him.
They're saying they have to speak to you personally.
You want these people to die, is that it? Oh, my head.
The aliens think This is going to stop me, but they're wrong.
You see, that's the problem.
Eldon didn't know there was an alien inside him until the very end.
I bet you if I went up to his wife right now and told her there was an alien inside of her she'd think I was insane.
You are insane.
I swear to god, Jules.
Stan! Put us on the airwaves or there's going to be bloodshed.
Relax, Stan.
You win.
We're putting you back on the air.
Good! Do it! First I'm going to tell you the deal and it's not negotiable.
I'm going to clear out this building, then you're going to release the girl.
When she's outside and safe, you're back on the air.
You have five minutes to say your piece, then you'll put down the gun and walk out.
You're a man of your word, am I right? Then the way I just described it, that's how it's going to be.
I'll see you.
Get that transmitter cranked up.
Yeah.
Trudy, am I on the air? Loud and clear, Stan.
You're coming out of every radio here.
Good.
I want to talk about the truth.
You know the old saying "if you talk to god, it's called prayer.
"If god talks to you, it's called paranoid schizophrenia.
" Well, when you think about What the aliens are doing, I got to hand it to them.
Their strategy is brilliant Divide and conquer.
Make half the world think aliens Do exist.
Make the other half think the first half is crazy.
You keep playing the ends against the middle while you invade from the rear, till nobody knows what's what anymore.
And the punchline to this great joke is that they get people like me to tell people like you that people like them don't exist.
( crackling ) Let me tell you, I have been wrong.
We are surrounded.
Something's wrong with the signal.
It's like we're kicking out at 10 Watts.
Actually it's 2.
That's what the police wanted.
Frankly, I hate it that we gave in at all.
Son of a bitch! They could be living inside you.
( phone dialing ) Someone you love.
( phone ringing ) You hear me, people? You know what I'm saying is True.
( heart beating ) Oh, my god.
What the hell's happening to me? Oh.
They're in me.
They're in me.
They're in me! ( heart beating ) I'm one of them.
Jules, get out, get out.
They're aliens, Jules.
Run.
Jules, you're surrounded.
Run! Yeah, we're aliens, all right.
Who isn't? Must have hurt like hell.
Battle going on between your ears.
Shame.
He was so useful to us.
Won't be easy finding another harbinger of truth.
May I? No.
Run, Jules.
Damn, he killed the hostage before we could stop him.
Then when he pointed his gun at us you wanted the truth, Stan? Now you've got it.
It's them.
They're the ones.
They did this to Stan.
Get that nut out of here.
They're not who you think they are.
Listen to me, I'm telling you the truth! ( control voice ) If we Mock that which we do not understand, we may learn too late that the penalty for such Arrogance is annihilation.
Captioning performed by Western captioning service ltd.
Vancouver, B.
C.
1998