The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s05e01 Episode Script

1
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me. And me.
Big Greaser, this is the place. ♪
Big Greaser, come on in ♪
And stuff ♪
Your face ♪
Like cool, man.
Dig it.
[groaning]
It's my kinda joint.
Big Greaser, this is the place ♪
Big Greaser, come on in ♪
and stuff your face ♪
Your face ♪
[screaming]
[phone ringing]
Oh, just for that Spud,
you answer the phone.
Yeah, I'll answer the phone.
Ghostbusters.
Se habla espanol!
[mumbling]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Well, what did they say?
Big trouble at the Big Greaser.
[alarm ringing]
Big greaser, this is the place ♪
Big Greaser, come on in ♪
anduh-oh.
[growling]
Winston, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[groans]
What's the problem, Peter?
What do you think's the problem?
I can't bag spooks on an empty stomach.
Uh, two large fries
and one chocolato shake.
A big shake.
How about a diet
apple turnover to go with that?
[laughs]
Hose that slime ball.
Oh, fun.
[growling]
Come on out, you carbo-loading larva.
[screaming]
[laughing]
News flash, slick.
The fabulous fifties are over.
Run 'em up and bring 'em home, Stumpy.
[screams]
One toasted turnover to go.
Very precise shooting, fellows.
[Peter] Oh, can we go now?
I don't feel so good.
Oh, poor Peter.
- [moaning]
- Huh?
[moaning]
Hold it.
Hey, what's up, Louis?
Oh, uh, I just had to go to the bathroom.
Wearing a Proton Pack?
Well, bathrooms can be very dangerous.
Is something wrong with Peter?
No, Louis, this is my night job.
Entertaining people in my pyjamas.
[moaning]
Well, I'll bet
it's all that fast food he eats.
Hey, pal, I don't just eat fast food, OK.
Ha-ha. Gee, how'd that
stuff get under there?
Oh, boy!
No, ah.
No, no.
Ah.
Oh, boy.
Hey, my chips.
My health food chips.
I didn't know you liked health food.
Oh, I never touch this stuff.
But the price was right.
See? Living proof
that I just don't eat fast food.
Phew.
OK, who turned on the heat?
I feel like a boiled egg.
Hmm. We better take your temperature.
Look at that.
Oh, that's hot.
Oh, I feel so light-headed.
Oh.
Hey, quit. Don't let him go.
Hold on to him.
We better call a doctor.
Or an air traffic controller.
Well, don't worry.
I know a doctor who makes house calls.
Coming. Coming.
Good evening. I am Dr. McCatheter.
Guys, help. Weird dude.
[Dr. Mccatheter] Good evening, gentlemen.
I believe you called.
[gasps]
Dr. McCatheter.
Thanks for coming.
Where is the patient?
Right over there, Doc.
Peter Venkman.
What do you think's
wrong with him, Doc?
I'll know more after I run some tests.
- Oh.
- Relax, Mr. Venkman.
Oh.
Hmm.
Whoa.
Hey. Hey, whats going on?
Come on, that tickles.
Wow.
[laughing]
Mr. Venkman, I'm afraid
you're a very sick man.
Well, sure I'm sick.
It's the first game
of Tic-Tac-Toe I've ever lost.
What's your specific diagnosis, Doctor?
I believe he's developed
a serious allergy.
To ghosts.
[laughing]
You're kidding, right?
I'm afraid not.
His condition will worsen unless
he gets out of
the ghostbusting business immediately.
What?
No way. What'll I do?
Come on, ghost busting is my life.
I want a second opinion.
A second opinion is definitely in order.
Oh, poor Peter.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, que pasa?
Somebody do something.
See, the proximity of that creature
inflamed the symptoms.
Mr. Venkman, you must
move out of this building.
Away from anything having to do with
ghosts.
Oh.
For how long?
Possibly forever.
- [gasps]
- [crying]
Louis, make sure
the others keep up their strength
by eating plenty of my
special health chips.
It would be tragic if all the Ghostbusters
became allergic to ghosts.
I'll send more of these
free samples over right away.
Oh, yes, sir. You're the doctor.
Yes, I'm the doctor.
[evil laugh]
Oh.
Oh, Janine.
Slimer, what's wrong?
Morning, Janine. It's Peter.
What's the matter with Peter? Is he sick?
Worse. He's allergic to ghosts.
The doctor says Peter has
to quit ghost busting
and move out of the fire house.
Oh, that's terrible.
Slimer. Where's he going to stay?
Oh, no. Absolutely not.
Not my apartment.
Poor Peter.
Who's going to tell him?
Oh, not me.
I couldn't stand to see that much pain.
[sobbing]
There's a shelter for
wayward men over on 83rd.
Maybe they'll take him.
Hold it!
OK. He can stay at my place.
But, only for a little while.
Ah, Janine.
You're a good girl.
Ah, yuck.
No, I'm a sucker.
How is it?
He's almost, dare I say, normal.
How are you feeling, Pete?
Not bad. If you don't
compare me to the living.
I know that doctor was a little strange
but he sure called this one.
Perhaps.
But I still don't trust him.
Things sure aren't
the same around here without Peter.
Yeah.
I'm gonna miss him.
Poor Peter.
Don't worry, Spud.
Somehow we'll get Peter back.
More chips guys?
Mmm, no, thank you.
Why do we get these
chips anyway, Louis?
They're the worst.
But for some reason,
I can't stop eating them.
They're from Dr. McCatheter.
He said they'll keep you
from catching Peter's allergy.
Oh.
Tell me, Louis. How long
have you known this doctor?
Oh, gee, at least
two days.
[all] Two days?
Well, yeah.
He came by Thursday
and introduced himself.
He said he was opening up a new office
in the neighborhood.
Gave me his card
and a free bag of these health chips.
Of course, Peter ate them all.
That's it.
[burps]
These chips are the cause
of Peter's so called allergy.
What?
But, Egon, if that were true,
why aren't we all sick?
Yeah, we all stuffed our
faces with those chips.
[screams]
Oh, no.
[screaming]
We should have know
McCatheter was behind this.
I can't wait to nail that dude.
Guys, I'm sure he's not all bad.
[crash]
At least he made a house call.
Face it, Louis.
He's no doctor. He's a ghost.
Ghost? Gee.
My health insurance carrier
is gonna frown on this.
[moaning]
We're even allergic to Ecto!
Must be
The years of ectoplasmic residue.
Hold that bus.
I hope I have correct change.
Wanna know what I think, Peter?
Hmm? I don't think
you're allergic to ghosts.
You think about it.
For years now you've
been busting ghosts.
Hundreds of ghosts. Thousands of ghosts.
I mean, heck, your
whole life has been ghost, ghost, ghost.
Ah!
Huh?
Oh. [panting]
[doorbell ringing]
[panting]
Guys, you don't wanna be here.
This allergy is not a pretty sight.
We know.
We have it too.
But it's no allergy, Pete.
It's McCatheter's health food.
Observe.
Janine. We gotta track down McCatheter.
But we need your car.
Uh-uh, no way.
Remember what happened
the last time you borrowed it?
OK, so we forgot to get it washed.
Yeah, right. That's the ticket.
Wahed? You totaled it.
Oh, yeah.
Well, uh, that would
never happen again, right guys?
Oh, yes. Most definitely.
No, no way.
[coughing]
Oh, boy.
I'll drive.
Shotgun.
No you had it the last time.
Hey, my turn.
Wanna bet?
This is the address
on McCatheter's card.
Look like nobody's home.
Well, that was always
my impression of McCatheter.
Never underestimate the enemy.
Yo. Is there a doctor in the house?
Boy, I bet the magazines in
this waiting room are really out of date.
Huh? Whoa!
- Boo.
- Dust him!
I'm trying!
Don't point that at me!
Face it, Ghostbusters.
You're through.
From now on, I run this town.
[evil laugh]
Maybe he's just bluffing.
Oh. Uh.
Uh, not again.
[evil laugh]
[loud noise]
What was that?
I don't know.
Sounded like it came from upstairs.
[evil laugh]
[phone ringing]
Ghostbusters.
[mumbling]
Don't you worry. We'll be right there.
Fun. Fun time!
[evil laugh]
[screams]
[gurgling]
[siren wailing]
[cheering]
[both] The Ghostbusters.
Hey, the Ghostbusters.
All right, it's the Ghostbuste
Huh?
[screams]
Who you gonna call?
Hey, I like this guy's style.
[evil laugh]
Party at my place.
Follow me.
They're back.
[evil laughs]
Party time.
[screams]
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
We know you're here.
I got him. I got him. I got him.
[Slimer screaming]
Everybody, freeze!
Or I'll blow you into tomorrow.
No, wait. Tomorrow is a legal holiday.
Uh, never mind.
Just grab some sky.
The ceiling.
Whatever.
[screams]
Enough.
Drop the canon.
Now, since you two
crashed my party,
let's see you do a little dancing.
Oh, thanks, but, I don't dance.
You do now.
That thing came
flying out of the doctor's office
and headed this way.
Even if we find him,
how can we catch him?
Every time we get near him, our allergies
turn us into naughty-potty.
Unless,
we force our bodies
to build up an immunity to this allergy.
And how do we do that?
Enforced exposure.
To wit, we lock ourselves in a room
with a highly concentrated
source of ectoplasmic energy
and let nature take its course.
[all talking together]
Now we'll need an isolation room.
Preferably carpeted.
[brakes screeching]
Oh, no. Forget it.
This time I am putting my foot down.
Oh, you better
not be kidding about that raise.
That's weird.
- The door's open.
- Hold it, Janine.
Ready, guys?
Shh.
[screaming]
What are you two doing in here?
Uh, you, know it got
a little crowded at headquarters.
Ya, with bad ghosts, Janine.
[shouting]
Wait Slimer.
We need you.
Uh. We do?
Yes. For our cure.
He's an ideal source
of concentrated ectoplasmic energy.
Janine
Lock is in.
And keep your fingers crossed.
Janine! Louis!
Oh, my gosh!
Set out the traps. Hurry.
[screaming]
Wow. I think it worked.
I'm so happy.
[groaning]
Just kidding.
[evil laughter]
No prisoners, guys.
Ghostbusters.
Party's over, bun brains.
Huh?
Surprise, doc. This house call is on us.
One at three o' clock, Egon.
Right behind you.
Winston, the air vent.
I got the mean monkey.
Hey, little help over here.
We were just gonna
ask you the same thing.
Right behind you, Peter.
Louis?
Louis, nail him, now.
[growling]
Attaway, Louis.
Keep it on 'em.
Spud, throw out the traps.
[cheering]
He's in the bag.
- Nice shooting, Louis.
- Yeah, well done.
- Way to go, man.
- Good going, Louis.
Well, I guess that about wraps
it up for this one, huh, guys?
Uh, not quite.
My apartment is a disaster area.
I can't stay there until
you fellas fix it.
Hey, no problem, Big J.
Uh, Louis. Make a note of it.
Gosh, Janine. Where
are you gonna stay in the meantime?
[singing in the shower]
Peter, I have to go to the bathroom.
Don't we all, Spud.
Don't we all.
[theme music playing]