The Upshaws (2021) s05e01 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
[music ends]
This is just your tax bill.
You going to jail.
So you see the problem.
Give me that shit.
Take that shit.
I can't even count that high.
All right, help me out here.
If this is what you owe,
what the hell's your income?
You ain't tell me
you was making Republican money!
I'm trying to be a separatist.
They don't pay taxes.
Oh, I forgot,
you Negroes don't watch the news.
Look, I don't care who you owe
and what you owe,
leave my shop alone, Lucretia.
Bennie, did you think
I wanted it to go down like this?
I mean, I am drowning.
And every day I don't do something,
the penalties go up.
Well, all I'm hearing is,
"You, you, you, you, you, you, you."
Ain't this some bullshit?
Insurance won't pay
to fix the wall Aaliyah drove through,
talking about, "I don't have a policy."
They know
I'm thinking about going with them.
Hey, man. Take that shit somewhere else.
No one likes a victim.
Lucretia, why are you hurting me?
Bennie, for the first time,
it's not intentional.
Look, you see what I'm up against.
I have to do what I have to do.
Well, sell me the garage.
Man, ain't nobody got time
for your Disney-ass solutions.
[Regina scoffs]
I mean, yeah, baby.
Unless you hiding
some more valuable baseball cards.
Get off of that, Regina.
That car's been driven off the lot.
Yeah, through my wall.
Get off of that, Bernard.
Look, Bennie. I'm happy to sell it to you.
That was always the plan.
But I ain't waiting around
another 15 years
for you to finally get serious.
That's it!
I have no sister-in-law!
[door closes]
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
Lucretia can't sell the shop.
Shouldn't that leprechaun
have a pot of gold lying around?
[Bennie chuckles]
You big and brave when she ain't here.
Man, I'm always brave. [chuckles]
She ain't here, right?
Where am I supposed to go all day?
The damn library?
You're supposed to sit your big ass there
and dare somebody to move you.
Hey, don't lash out.
We're all going through this.
Shut up, Davis. You don't even work here.
Apparently, neither do you.
What you talking about?
I'll break that other leg.
Both of y'all, quit the shit!
All right? Now, Lucretia's
not kicking me out on the street.
- I'mma handle this.
- [Davis] How?
You finally gon' buy the shop from her?
You damn right.
Hey, Tony.
How much you pitching in?
Huh?
I mean, the way your girl treat you,
she must have money.
That's your plan?
What's my girl's name?
I always thought it was, "Hey, baby."
Yeah, I'm not asking her for money.
Okay, well, be stingy, then.
Davis.
I know you sitting on somethin'.
Yeah, this chair.
Hey, Black Uber has not been
the windfall that I expected.
And that cease and desist
did not help me out.
Now I'm just a regular old blackxi-cab.
Y'all really letting me down now.
We're being real with you.
And to be honest with you,
if Lucretia is as bad off as you say,
I'm surprised she hung on this long.
I would have sold immediately.
This shop would have been Black history.
I actually feel kind of bad for her.
Me too.
Should we send her something?
Ooh, what do you think?
Oh! How about some chocolates
and a fruit basket?
Ooh! Some underwear.
- What do you think's wrong with her?
- Oh, no, no. She's a lady.
That's what ladies like.
- [Tony] Like the lace kind?
- Yeah, like that.
- Underwear, stockings.
- My mama has the flowers
Hello! I'm right here!
I have no friends.
[instrumental music playing]
Ooh, check this out.
They have a scholarship for $1,000
if I make my prom dress
out of aluminum foil?
I got that at home.
Aaliyah, you've been
looking up scholarships all day.
We came here
so you can stalk that hot waiter, Tristan.
Let's go.
I don't have time for his beautiful smile
and perfect nose, Savannah.
Since the Aunt Lucretia
Scholarship Foundation dried up,
I gotta find another way
to pay for college.
Hey, Siri, where are we on reparations?
[phone beeps]
Oh, hey, Skillet Queso
and Bottomless Chips.
Aight, I'll be right with you guys.
Did you hear that? We have nicknames.
I'm not sure
I like being called bottomless.
So, what are you gonna say
when he comes back?
I think I'm gonna order the hamburger.
Switch it up on him.
Girl, wipe off that drool
and let him know what's up.
It's not drool. It's lip gloss.
Tell your chin.
[instrumental music playing]
I can't believe
we have to repair this car hole ourselves.
I'm proud of you, Bernard.
You're doing your damn thang.
Thanks, Pop.
When's this place
gonna make some damn money?
Well, one of my walls is plywood,
so not soon.
No, the plywood is nice.
- When we gonna get people in?
- What are they supposed to work out on?
It's a boxing gym. So what do you think?
First check by Friday?
While I appreciate your optimism,
please don't be that guy.
Hey, man. Well, if that guy gets paid,
I need to be that guy.
Look, we're both in a shitty situation.
So you lost a wall.
I'm 'bout to lose all four of mine.
I stepped up for you.
You need to step up for me.
Pop, even if I gave you
the five grand back,
it wouldn't make a dent
in what that shop cost.
It's five more than what I have.
I can't believe
Bitchy Rich screwed me over.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh? Do you feel me?
Uh-huh.
Man, why are you all mumble-mouth?
Am I right or am I right?
Neither.
Look, I know this is hard,
but Aunt Lucretia
is not trying to screw you.
She's tried every which way
to fix this mess.
Selling the shop is the cleanest way
to get her out of trouble.
Have some compassion.
I have no son!
What about Kelvin?
Hmm.
Feels good not to be the one
he forgot for once.
[instrumental music playing]
I can see that your garage
has been in operation for about 15 years,
which is good.
What do you mean "good"?
How long's this bank been open?
- Wells Fargo?
- [Bennie] Yeah.
Since 1852.
Oh, we're saying the same thing.
For a loan this size,
we need some collateral.
From what I'm seeing,
the only asset large enough to cover this
would be your house.
Done. That ain't nothing but a thang.
It's for sure a thang.
A thang our family lives in.
Ho ho hold up, player.
Let me straighten my wife out.
Baby, please. Can we?
Bennie, we are not risking our home.
It ain't no risk. The only way we lose
the house is if we don't pay them back.
Why are you explaining my worry to me?
You not supposed to have it.
You should believe in me.
- Stephen believes in me.
- Again, not without the house.
He don't know me. You're my wife.
And I believe in you.
Just consider this, all right?
Is it such a bad thing
if we let the garage go?
Get your girl, Steve.
I'm just saying,
you've already shown
there's so many things that you can do.
You always take care of your family.
Even before the shop.
We can get through this.
What kind of shitty halftime speech
was that?
You talking to me
like we lost the shop already.
Well, damn near.
I talked to Lucretia, baby.
She's got buyers coming in there tomorrow.
I think it's time
we start facing the truth.
I have no wife!
[door closes]
You are making the right decision.
We absolutely would have taken your house.
[instrumental music playing]
Great location, right?
And we're only one block
from the expressway.
Oh, and there's always
a big pothole on the corner.
So we fix a lot of tires.
Oh, axles, too,
if they're trying to beat the light.
So what d'you think?
Well, golly. It's great.
But, uh, what about all this machinery?
Oh, it comes with it.
The only thing
you'll need to change is the sign.
Unless you don't mind being called Bennie.
"Bennie's Books"
does have a nice ring to it.
Bennie's Books?
[snickers]
Those two words have never met.
Well, some cozy rugs and some comfy sofas
I can imagine people hanging out here.
Oh, no, no, no.
Look, let me give you some advice.
When you're charging double for labor,
you don't want people
hanging around watching you not working.
No, I think
there's some sort of disconnect.
I'm actually turning this
into a bookstore.
A bookstore?
In a red state?
Come on, man.
What you really selling? Meth?
I'm telling you, the first explosion,
you gonna appreciate this concrete.
Oh, I can see it now.
The books go here.
Uh, and then
there's a nice coffee spot over here.
And a little room in the back.
Ah, there you go.
Room in the back.
I knew you looked nasty.
What you doing back there?
Sex shop? Gambling den?
Mm. D&D.
D&D?
Okay, I'm pretty sure I know
what that first "D" stands for.
But that other D
You know what? Never mind.
Man, pay me and do you.
It's Dungeons & Dragons.
I'm a full-time dungeon master.
Hey, man, if you just wanna throw away
a bunch of money, pay my tax bill.
You trying to sell this place or not?
Not to you.
Man, this neighborhood needs a garage,
not whatever the hell it is
you trying to do.
Why don't you just get your ass
onto your dragon and fly on home?
Oh, I don't need a dragon.
I have a plus five to charisma
and a bonded Pegasus of Toro.
Oh, no, no, no.
I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.
Get out of here.
Go. Get!
[instrumental music playing]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I thought you said
we were trying another bank.
No, I said I knew a place
where we could get a loan.
Hell no.
Regina.
I'm not losing my place
to Lucretia from the Black Lagoon.
Now, be cool while I go over there
and holler at my man Barkavious.
Barkavious?
That's the Blackest shit I ever heard.
Yo, Barkavious?
Holler at you for a second?
Bennie. My dude.
Haven't seen you here in a minute.
Really?
I better check my assumptions.
How's your moms doing?
You know, she's been ducking my calls.
Oh, yeah, she's been
on that burner phone, man.
I'm gonna need that number.
Hey, you know what?
When I get it, you'll get it.
Hey, B, I'm gonna need a loan.
Say less. How much you need?
Eighty Gs.
That's all? Shit.
- Done and done.
- [chuckling]
Hold up. That was way too quick.
What are the terms? What's the APR?
What happens if he don't pay you back?
If you miss the first payment,
it ain't no big deal
because I know life happens.
If you miss the second payment,
I take your teeth,
starting with
What's this one called?
Necessary.
Let's go.
Look, Regina,
my teeth, my choice. All right?
The man's supporting Black businesses.
Us minorities, we gotta stick together.
We can't let them
turn us against each other.
It's called an incisor, bruh.
That shit would've bothered me all day.
[instrumental music playing]
How much longer do we have to be here?
There's no more queso left in the skillet.
Then bye.
No.
I told you, Aaliyah needs to find a man
so she can stop being weird about us.
I will never get on board.
Aaliyah, this is your last chance.
My Chili's gift card is empty.
I'm only paying for her.
Don't presh me. I know what I'm doing.
- Good, because here he comes.
- Hi. Can I get you guys anything else?
- Nah.
- Nah, we're good.
I have to get you something.
My boss says you're loitering.
I think Aaliyah wants something.
You want something, right?
You look thirsty.
As hell.
Okay, uh, well, why don't I hit
my other tables and I'll circle back?
[Kelvin] All right.
Water.
Okay. That's it. Let's do this.
- Uh, hold on. That's my stuff!
- Oh, we know.
Without your wallet and your phone,
you'll have to talk to him. Tough love.
The hell it is. You ain't leaving me.
You forgot your jacket.
You're a monster.
And you're single.
Bye, boo.
[Aaliyah] Oh.
Hey, what's up?
Nice jacket,
but it won't be paying for your meal.
Really? This is a $40 jacket.
We only ordered quesos and some water.
[chuckles] You funny.
Don't worry about it.
I saw your friends ditch you.
- I'll take care of the bill.
- Wow. You don't have to do that.
No, I kind of do. I mean,
it's coming out of my check anyway.
But now it seems like a move.
Did it work?
Water.
[chuckling] Yeah, I'll get you some.
I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you.
I've been, uh meaning to for a while now.
I get off in, like, 15 if you wanna hang.
Absolutely!
I mean
you know.
I got a minute.
[instrumental music playing]
Oh, Bennie, I really don't wanna do this.
You the only one here
that think this is a bad idea.
Ah, I'm the only one here
without a teardrop on my face.
- I got your money, Bennie.
- Ooh!
One dream, coming right up.
[laughs] Man, can I touch it?
- It's yours.
- [chuckling delightedly]
Man, this is gonna turn everything around.
Okay, hold up.
Baby, look at how much money that is.
We're not gonna be rude and count it.
I trust the man.
Ben, you had 15 years to solve a problem
you're trying to solve in a day.
It's America, baby. It's great.
Okay. All right.
- Let me try this a different way.
- [sighs]
Bennie Upshaw,
you had all this time
to pay Lucretia back,
and you didn't do it.
Now, do you think
that you could pay back this dude,
mm, Mr. Barkavious,
on his terms?
- Baby, you got such nice teeth.
- [kisses teeth]
Wait a minute. Fifteen years?
You're talking about
a different garage, right?
No, I'm talking about the same garage.
You got a car, bring it back,
and I'll give you
the friends and Barkavious discount.
[singing] At Bennie's Garage ♪
[chuckles] You're funny.
But the previous debt,
you at least made a dent in it, right?
- Yeah.
- What? No.
We I mean, we meant to.
- But you know. Life, right? Kids.
- [Bennie sighing]
We we we ain't got no money.
We do now.
No, you don't.
Hey. Why are you zipping?
Quit zipping.
Bennie, look. I'm a businessman.
I can't go into a deal
knowing I'm gonna hurt them.
I gotta have some hope.
Come on, man. You know my mama.
And I see the reflection of her sweet face
on every tooth I've pulled.
I can't do it.
You're too risky.
I'm sorry.
I have no loan shark!
Better watch your tone, bruh.
I'm sorry. My bad.
We good.
[instrumental music playing]
- [camera shutter clicking]
- [Lucretia] Tony.
Why are you still here
pretending to sweep?
I have another potential buyer coming.
I know. I'm trying to make myself
look indispensable.
Is it working?
Mm.
Bonjour. Madam Turner?
Mr. Baptiste?
S'il vous plaît, appellez-moi Louis.
And a Yoplait back to you.
Uh, is is your son
who speaks English with you?
The the one I spoke to on the phone?
You not getting any this, are you?
[in French] Uh, nice to meet you,
Mr. Baptiste. My name is Tony.
It's a pleasure, Tony.
[chuckling]
[in English] Get out of here.
You speak French?
Yeah. I'm Haitian
You don't know anything about me, do you?
Why would I?
Have a good meeting.
Oh! No, no, no, no.
Get your Haitian ass back here.
That would be my derrière.
Just translate for me, fool, okay?
The only French I know
I learned from Patti LaBelle, and, uh
that doesn't seem appropriate.
[in French] All right.
I'll be interpreting for you.
Thank you. My family's stuck in traffic.
Please tell Ms. Turner
I looked over the terms of her offer
and everything seems fair.
I'm ready to sign.
[Tony] Hmm.
[in English] He's trying to play hardball.
Let me talk him down for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. French him up.
[Tony clears throat]
[in French] Look, real talk.
She's desperate as hell.
I can get her
to knock two grand off the price
if you guarantee I can keep my job.
Great. I'd be happy to have you.
Ah, will you put that in writing?
Ah! Smart man.
Sure.
[Tony and Mr. Baptiste chuckle]
[in English] Okay. I'm good.
I mean, you good.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
You were always my favorite.
Now, you know, to move it quickly,
I had to knock two grand off.
No, no, quick is good. Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna put in a good word for you.
Aw, you don't need to do that.
You know, we family. [chuckles]
[in French] She tried to turn you down,
but I got her to take it.
That's how indispensable I am.
Ah! [chuckling]
[man] Dad. Hey.
Sorry, we were stuck in traffic.
[in English] Car trouble.
Oh, well, put it up on your new lift.
Your dad just bought the place.
- [in French] You finally got your garage?
- Yes.
[delighted chuckling]
[in English] Thank you. You don't know
what this means to my family.
It's just always been our dream
to have a family business.
Family first, last, and always.
[in French] I'm excited to start this new
chapter with you.
Family first, last, and always.
[all chuckling excitedly]
- [Tony speaking French]
- [son speaking French]
[instrumental music playing]
[slurping]
You know, you gotta have thoughts
in order to get lost in 'em.
Just leave me alone.
Let me have a moment to enjoy your shop.
Drinking on the heavy machinery.
Why don't you just light one up
while you're at it?
You know I wouldn't be up here
if I wasn't high.
You do most things high.
Why are you here?
We have nothing to talk about.
You right. I ain't shit. Remember that?
I know.
That was my whole wedding toast.
But why do you hate you?
'Cause you wouldn't have had a chance
to sell this place
if I'd bought it like I was supposed to.
No, you didn't.
But you still have some time.
Get your ass back to work.
[Bennie] Shit.
At a shop that ain't mine?
Fire me.
I'm serious.
I decided not to sell.
I'm selling my building instead.
No shit?
No shit.
You know what they say,
family first, fulfillingness' final
Ooh, that's a Stevie Wonder album.
You get it.
You're doing this for me?
Hell no.
I'm doing this for Davis.
He needs a place to go every day.
And maybe for me a little bit.
Maybe I like having a family business.
Oh, I got my shop back!
Hand me that control. Hand it to me.
- This thing?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna hug
the green juice out of yo' ass.
- Uh, nope.
- [machinery whirs]
Lucretia, you gonna take this hug.
No, I'm not.
Have a good one, Bennie.
We'll hit it hard tomorrow.
Lucretia Lashelle!
I have my shop!
[instrumental music playing]
[Bennie] Hey, babe.
- I'm headed to my shop.
- [chuckles]
It sure feel good to say.
Mm. And you didn't even lose a tooth.
[door opens]
So, apparently, when you sell a building
and you don't have a lease,
they kick you out.
[Bennie] Huh.
[chuckling] Yeah, that's subtext.
No, it's not.
I live here now.
[Bennie screaming]
[theme music playing]
[music fades out]