All Hail King Julien (2014) s05e02 Episode Script

1 - [MORT CHUCKLES.]
- [GROWLS.]
- [MORT.]
I'm okay! - [LAUGHS.]
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Party - Who's the king? - King Julien! - Who's the king? - King Julien! Get down for the get down - Everybody party with King who? - King Julien! - King who? - King Julien! Tonight will be forever Let's do King Julien style Woof! Whoa oh whoa oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa oh whoa oh All hail King Julien! Aw, man.
This is the worst.
The smell is stinging my eyeballs.
Ooh, I'm angry.
I'm clearly angry! It smells bad! What happened here? Sorry, Zora.
I guess our picnic is ruined.
Zora? The water is magical.
What are you doing? Come, frolic with your woman, Mort.
- Do something, Clover.
- All right! Back up, you lot! Move along! Feel free to help at any time, Maurice.
[GRUNTS.]
What are they mad about? Somebody dumped a bunch of junk in the Watering Hole, Your Majesty.
Why is this the first time I'm hearing of this? Been bugging you about it for weeks, but you kept blowing me off.
Hmm? What are you doing? Oh, I assumed we were cutting away to a flashback.
No? Okay, then.
Fine, I'll handle this.
Peoples! I have heard your angry grumbles and I promise to find out who is responsible for stinking up the Watering Hole.
[CLAMORING.]
That's right.
I'm putting my best Ringtail Guard Captain on it.
Yes! Old Teddy's a man on a mission! Clover, Ted.
I meant Clover.
Copy that, sir! Lieutenant Colonel Sugarbottoms, standing down! Clover will find out who is to blame for this and we'll make sure they answer for their crimes.
They will pay! [CLANGING.]
Harshly! [CLANGING.]
They will be visited upon with great vengeance.
So we good? - Yeah, we're good.
- Yeah, sure, why not? I thought he died.
Aw, hun! I was sure this was your time.
I feel like nobody takes me seriously as a tough, capable fella.
Could have something to do with how much you say words like "fella.
" I just wish my secret friend Snake was still around.
Ooh, that makes two of us! I mean, he was nice.
Nice? Why, he was the roughest rascal I've ever met.
I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I'm 75 percent bat from the neck up, so I hear everything.
Come with me.
It's pretty nice to finally have a quiet night in after weeks of victory parties.
Your Majesty, I have located the suspect responsible for dirtying the Watering Hole.
- Excellent.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [SNORTS.]
- Go ahead.
Are you gonna tell me who it is? Oh, it's Timo! [SCREAMS.]
You really might be psychic, Xixi.
Mind-meld with me and tell me what I'm thinking right now.
[LAUGHS.]
Stop! You're so bad! I contaminated the Watering Hole, okay! But only because you ordered me to, King Julien! You said we needed to get rid of the trash, left over from the war with Koto.
So, I created an apparatus to funnel it down into the Watering Hole nobody's been to in a couple of seasons.
What are we thinking is a suitable punishment? Flogging? Stockades? A public execution? [PANTING.]
Ooh! Any of those would be great for my ratings.
What? You guys! No! Timo's my homie.
I'll go on Xixi's show and take the blame.
That could be even better for my ratings! Don't worry, Timo, your boy KJ is gonna set the record straight.
Timo did it.
What? - [SCREAMING.]
- [GROWLS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SOBBING.]
He forced me to help him.
It feels so good to let that out! [CLEARS THROAT.]
So, just to recap this exclusive interview.
King Julien bravely tried to keep you all safe, but an evil mad scientist wanted to poison your water.
I don't throw around the term hero I do! Anybody who wants to call me a hero, I can't stop ya.
[CHEERING.]
Don't worry, my peoples! From now on, I will do everything I can to make sure the Watering Hole, is a safe, clean place to swim, jet-ski and go to the bathroom! [CHEERING.]
Oh! This is gonna be good.
I can help Ted become his alter-ego Snake again.
Well, gosh, doc, is it safe? It is no more dangerous than drinking poison.
Sold! What? You said you wanted to feel like a tough fella again.
All right, I'll do it.
For the woman I live with! [GASPS.]
I hear you folk a-lookin' for Snake? [TED AS SNAKE.]
Bon temps rouler.
That was awesome! All I had to do was throw Timo under the bus.
Democracy in action, peoples, what-what? And I'm getting taken seriously as a journalist! It's all I ever wanted, besides my parents' approval.
[LAUGHS.]
It's fine.
They're fine.
I haven't talked to them.
"Taken seriously?" You helped King Julien blame Timo for something that was his idea.
And now everybody loves me more than evs.
- Really? - Check it.
[CHEERING.]
All right, we get it! Do you hear that? They love King Julien! Just because of some stupid interview we did with that buffoonish bird Oh, hi, Xixi! What are you getting at, Clover? If King Julien is able to use Xixi to push his agenda, it may make ruling easier.
We could make citizens feel safe.
Make them trust us.
That sounds like propaganda.
Ooh.
Propaganda.
Sounds so fancy.
Excuse me.
Pro-propaganda.
A-Propa.
Ga-ga-ganda.
I like this angle.
Putting Julien's best foot forward.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Ooh.
I can't wait for our next big scoop! Then I have got a doozy for you ding-dongs.
Voila cher! Now ya got you a place to store all your ceramic figurine.
Those are Ted's.
"Glass menagerie.
" You're telling me that, that there box full of hand-blown unicorns belongs to my alter-ego? How'd you put up with that geek for so long? Oh, Ted's great.
It's just nice to see this side of him too.
You must have worked up a manly thirst.
No coaster? Talk about the ultimate bad boy! Snake.
Hmm.
As you geniuses, that's a little thing we like to call sarcasm, can see the mango bank has been cleared out again.
Wh How did this happen? The same way it happened the last time.
Your dang parents.
While Koto was on the throne, the kingdom didn't have any mangos coming in.
The kingdom's out of mangos while Julien's parents are hoarding more than they could ever eat? Hmm.
Xixi, who do we blame this one on? We can iron out the specifics later.
Or even better, I'll make something up on the fly.
I am a journalist after all.
Making up stuff isn't what journalists do! And what journalism school did you go to, Maurice? - [SIGHS.]
- Uh-huh.
Thought so.
Gecko Watch! Friend or Foe or Enemy? Sources inside the throne room think there's evidence linking geckos to our recent mango shortage.
[LEMUR.]
Them little lizards're the bad guys? After everything we've done for them? Milkin' 'em and what not! Boo! Geckos! Boo! You really believe that geckos were able to eat all those mangos? I don't know, but if the news lady's saying it, I ain't one to argue.
Somethin' wrong, cher? No, well Ted would've made a Logic Police citizen's arrest if he had heard something that fishy on the news.
Snake.
Thanks for getting me the best view.
I can see my King Julien from here.
It is my job to lift things.
I am woman.
We are married.
As you know, there are no softball questions in the Xixi Zone.
So here goes.
What makes Madagascar the greatest kingdom in the world? Whoa, Xix.
Putting me on the spot.
I've been warned about your gotcha questions.
[CHUCKLES.]
But seriously, Madagascar is great because of all the viewers in your audience.
We're just flat out better than all the other kingdoms.
Quick follow-up.
How are you still single? - [LAUGHS.]
- [CHEERING.]
This is wrong.
It's just a few little white lies to make the kingdom feel secure and proud.
Right? Right? You guys are the greatest! [CHEERS.]
There you have it, folks! The king's awesome, and you guys are the greatest! What else can we tell them to make them adore me? [LAUGHS.]
To deal with the mango shortage, King Julien has graciously offered we eat stuff that washes up in Junk Harbor.
Aw, he is the best.
King Julien says there's nothing to worry about! Be as wasteful as you want! [CHEERING.]
Today's debate question, what color is this? It's greenish-gray, ya ignoramus! It's grayish-green, ya old snappety turtle! Get out of my country! Seems like the only thing we can all agree on is that this is the greatest country in the world! [CHEERING.]
Xixi! Xixi! Xixi! Xixi! Julien! Julien! Oh, I bet your parents would be real proud.
If they cared about you Who needs parents? I've got a hit show! - [LAUGHS.]
- Ew! That water looks filthy.
But that smarty-pants news lady said this was tooken care of! Well, you can't believe everything ya see on TV.
Cannonball! [GROWLING.]
Ya gone and got the filthy Delta water on my old lady! Get on out here and face my wrath! Okay! Ted, I really don't think this is appropriate.
The name is Snake! Now you pipe down, you snappety turtle while I defend your dang honor! [GRUNTS.]
This is my dojo, son! Come on, bring it if you ain't yella! Why do you do this? Ow! I'm-a cramping up! And I can't hit a woman whose voice is that deep.
[GRUNTS.]
Heck, what have I done? Uh What happened to you? Oh.
It started right after I swam in the Watering Hole but I got no clue what caused it.
Ooh, You guys! You're just in time.
Eh, Mort.
Something's different.
You get a haircut or something? [GRUNTS.]
You ready for your interview, King Julien? I just had a few talking points you could maybe hit in our interview.
"King Julien is the smartest lemur of all time.
" "King Julien's spray tan is so lifelike.
" "King Julien might have invented croissants.
" I was kind of hoping to ask some real questions.
Do I really have to say all this? Yeah, it's easy, check it you just go Hey, King Julien, you are a genius with a very believable, very even tan.
How did you invent croissants? But my audience wants real questions! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I made you who you are, Xixi! This is no time to be going off script.
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
And when we come back from commercial, we have got an XNN Exclusive.
- [MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Ooh.
Exclusive! This is gonna be good.
I hope she plays up the handsomeness angle.
Xixi.
[CHEERING.]
Okay.
How well do we know King Julien? What is he hiding? Did he lie about cleaning up the Watering Hole? We'll be right back.
Huh? In what is already being called a revolution in home tattoo removal kits What was up with that? Want me to rough her up, Your Majesty? Ha! Please say yes! When I went to do a follow-up on the Watering Hole cleanup, it was still polluted, even though you assured me and I assured my viewers it wasn't.
But this is the news.
We can say whatever we want to be true, and the peoples will believe it.
Look, you screwed up, but you could come on my show and tell the truth.
It would be huge for my ratings.
Which would be huge for my self-esteem.
This isn't like an ambush thing, right? It's important for the government and the media to be on the same page.
This is a bad idea, Your Majesty.
[MORT.]
You worry too much.
Yeah, I mean, what am I gonna do? Choose TV ratings over my friend and king? [LAUGHS.]
So what? What? Like, I'm just gonna pick being respected and admired by everyone over my friend and king? Nah! Probably not gonna happen.
See, Clover? You were worried about nothing.
[NARRATOR.]
This is a Xixi News Network Exclusive! We're back with King Julien who has assured me that despite the overall cruddy appearance of the Watering Hole the water is still safe.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
That's right, Xixi.
Sometimes these things just look worse than they actually are.
Everything's okay.
Then I guess you'd be willing to take a little swim? Are you crazy, woman? I mean, [CLEARS THROAT.]
sure, sure, I can swim in this clean, non-smelly water.
Very simple for me to do I forgot my suit.
Mort, you should go first! [SCREAMS.]
I'm ok I'm okay.
[SCREAMS.]
Huh.
Nothing.
See? Nothing.
He's okay.
What? [JULIEN.]
This is bad.
Success has gone to Xixi's head.
Since when do journalists hold politicians accountable for stuff? We just need to fix the problem.
Timo, you're rehired.
Do whatever it takes to fix that hole.
I'll reroute the sludge and garbage to a place nobody ever goes! Sounds an awful lot like you're just relocatin' the problem instead of fixing it.
Exactly! Timo gets it! - [GRUNTS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
I can't wait to see the look in Mom-Bot's soulless dead eyes! Now I just need to go on Xixi's show and tell everybody the king took care of the problem and I'm awesome again.
Maybe I should do it instead.
You've done enough already.
You? [LAUGHS.]
Have you already forgotten how bad you were the last time you were on Xixi's show? Ancient aliens built that, man! [SCREAMS.]
I should be the one to go on the show to ensure there are no more mistakes.
My training allows me to be absolutely calm under pressure.
I will relate to Xixi, build rapport.
And if that doesn't work, I will rip her stupid beak off and bludgeon her with it! [LAUGHS WICKEDLY.]
Xixi! [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CHEERING.]
Thank you and welcome to the Xixi News Network Roundtable Showdown! Where our panel of non-experts shout their half-formed opinions about things they haven't researched.
We're live from the site of the worst environmental disaster of all time.
Oh, sure, sure, the water was a bit murky but as you can see behind us, the problem has been resolved.
[CLAPPING.]
I don't know how you did it, Timo.
Well, a gentleman has to keep some air of mystery.
[LAUGHS.]
But a lot of folks are wondering why it took so long for the King to respond to the problem.
Yeah, why is our government so full of idiots? Ooh, burn.
[LAUGHS.]
Idiots? What? No, I don't think that King Julien wants to poison all of us as part of a government conspiracy.
And I'm also pretty sure he's controllin' the weather! - What? - He's a tyrant! I bet he wasn't even born in Madagascar.
- Uh-huh.
- Huh.
Well, where would he possibly be born? Don't be afraid to call each other names, guys! In fact, you got a funny accent too, lady.
Where was you born? That is none of your concern! - Yeah, where were you born, lady? - [CLAMORING.]
Back when a man could get away with killin' somebody if he wanted to, and why can't we do that anymore? [GRUNTING.]
[RUMBLING.]
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, what? That rumbling is probably nothing.
How dare you question where I'm from? Security! I don't wanna wrestle, no! Get the [RUMBLING.]
Okay, now might be a good time to tell you I rerouted the garbage water underground but the pump is overloading, we have to shut it down! Timo! Do something! Something better! You mind if I take a look? Snake, it looks dangerous.
You should definitely take a look.
Consequences be darned.
Get in there.
[SNAKE GRUNTING.]
Darn it to heck, hun! Get up! Please! I need you! I was wrong about Snake and this is all my fault! [GRUNTING.]
Bouncin' Bermuda shorts! What happened? Oh, Ted, you saved us all.
Snake saved you all.
Snake is horrible, Ted! You're the man I married.
I missed ya so much, hun! - Even though I'm not as cool as Snake? - Well I mean, you gotta admit, he's better than me in every conceivable way.
I don't want better, Ted.
I want you.
Thanks? Hmm.
I have an announcement to make.
- The news is canceled.
- What? This is all my fault.
I told Xixi to say nice things about me when what I really should have been doing is being a leader and taking responsibility.
I'm sorry, Xixi.
And I'm sorry, all of you.
You were kidding about the news being canceled right? It's all I have.
Look at us! Xixi's so-called news has turned the entire kingdom into a bunch of angry, uninformed mutants.
Especially that thing.
[WILLIE.]
What the heck, man? From now on, I promise that I will never be dishonest again.
What do you say, peoples? Feel free to cheer! And through Timo's ingenuity and Julien's leadership, we have finally found a sustainable way to deal with our garbage water problem.
Would you like to do the honors, Your Majesty? Ta-da! [CHEERING.]
But, Timo.
Timo? Where's the sludge going now? [LAUGHS.]
No idea, but it won't be our concern any more.
Exactly.
It feels good to solve problems! I'm still in there, Teddy Boy.
[LAUGHING.]
Snake.