Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s05e02 Episode Script
Kill the Cat
Oh, I don't know
who I am happier to see,
you or the glass of wine.
It can be both.
No, it is the wine.
Did you have a bad day?
Not for long.
Dottie and I are going to the casino.
Now where is my lucky scarf?
Yes, it was a bad day
I wore it when you married Bob,
and, look,
he hasn't left you yet.
Hey, I was thinking we could
- fire up the hot tub
- I wish I'd had it
for your first wedding.
- Mmm.
- Okay.
No hot tub. Food. Love-making. Sleep.
Sounds great, but could we swap
love-making and food,
you know, just for digestion?
(CHUCKLES) Of course.
Ah-ah. Where are you going?
To study with Jeremy.
I sent you his parents'
email and phone number.
He's also has a compatible blood type.
Stop.
Since when do you walk away from me
when I am not done talking to you?
(WHISPERS): Since we want him to leave.
I'm sorry. What'd you want to say?
Nothing. Go away.
Yes, Mum.
Now, where were we?
Uh, blah, blah, blah.
Love-making, blah, blah, blah.
DOTTIE: Let's go, Ebun!
I got $80 burning a hole in my pocket!
Bob, you want to stake me?
I got a system.
What kind of system? You play the slots.
I play a slot.
It loves me.
- Found it.
- BOB: Okay.
You two have fun.
- Stay out late.
- (PHONE RINGING)
Hello, Auntie.
What?
- Oh, no.
- What?
Uncle Tunde was in a car accident.
He is in the hospital.
Is he all right?
Okay, we'll meet you there.
- Well?
- He may have a concussion.
Okay, let's go.
Lucky scarf, my ass.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You know, if Tunde isn't too banged up,
we could probably grab
an Uber to the casino.
What do you think I am praying for?
Oluwa mi o, Uncle.
- You okay?
- Yes, yes.
Wow, God likes you.
Let me give them our insurance.
We have Obamacare.
- Let's see the head.
- I am the nurse, I see.
All right.
(WINCES)
Not so bad.
Frank, town car.
Eight minutes away.
Are you experiencing any
sensitivity to light?
Noise? Any ringing in your ears?
No, I am fine.
What happened?
A cat ran in front of my car.
I turned to miss it and
hit a telephone pole.
Well, next time, kill the cat.
Bob.
There's only one of him.
There's lots of cats.
Maybe it is time you
stop driving at night.
What? Why would you say that?
I have driven with you at night.
I avoided the cat.
And I know how to
operate a motor vehicle.
I've driven with him.
He's Mr. Magoo.
We just want you to be safe.
You and the people on the sidewalk.
Can we please go home?
Come on, I'll drive.
Bob and I will sleep in your guest room
in case you need anything.
That will not be necessary.
(SIGHS)
You, uh, you heard him.
We can drop them off and, you know,
continue with our evening.
No.
Stupid cat.
I hate the smell of hospitals.
- I think it's the bleach.
- It is the stench of death.
Yeah. I smell it now.
This is ridiculous.
If I had vision problems,
they would be scraping
the cat off the road.
So you're 20/20 with cats,
not so good with telephone poles.
My eyes are tip-top.
Your eyes are 75 years old.
Seventy-four.
Oh, my bad.
The men in my family only
get stronger with age.
My grandfather produced
a child when he was 87.
Oh, that's terrific,
his wife had to change two diapers.
Oh, you make jokes.
But I'll tell you right now,
I will outlive you.
I hope so.
- Mr. Olatunji?
- Yes.
We're ready for you.
And if you're a good boy,
we'll go for ice cream after.
That's not funny.
- And I am going to hold you to it.
- All right.
That's my uncle.
By marriage.
You probably knew that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Can you believe a man his age,
refusing to get his eyes checked?
My father was the same way.
Blind as a bat and too
proud to wear glasses.
God rest his soul.
When did he die?
Moments after he stepped
in front of a bus.
I think Bob's mother
is losing her hearing.
She shouts everything.
(IMITATING DOTTIE):
Abishola, I like your shoes!
Why don't you take her
to get her ears checked?
I tried. She said no.
Actually, she said,
(IMITATING DOTTIE): "No!"
People get old,
they don't want to face the fact
that their bodies ain't
what they used to be, child.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
Why?
Abishola, tell her.
No, it is okay, you can do it.
I insist.
Somebody better say something.
Gloria
every time you sneeze,
you let out a little fart.
I do not!
You sound like an old jalopy.
Oh, lord.
My grandmother did that.
It's okay, we still love you.
- Just not when you have Indian food.
- ABISHOLA: Oof.
All right, noted.
Thank you, moving on.
Do I do it when I cough, too?
Yes!
You left your glasses in the bedroom.
Oh, I don't need them to eat dinner.
Come on, show everybody
how handsome you look.
Can we just eat?
Please, Uncle.
(SIGHS)
- Happy?
- Ah.
- Yay.
- I am.
I married a Nigerian Clark Kent.
That is Superman's secret identity.
Olu? Could you please stop ogling me?
I will ogle whoever I choose to ogle.
Maybe it is you who needs the glasses.
Oh, Tunde.
Uncle, I know it was difficult,
but I am proud of you for
taking the first step.
(SCOFFS) I did not need to.
It was completely unnecessary.
They gave you a prescription.
They get paid to give prescriptions.
It is a racket.
Bob, talk sense to him.
Go ahead.
I'd rather not.
(PHONE CHIMES)
I sent you a text.
See if you can read it
without your glasses.
I know we need milk.
Now put them on.
Oh.
I love you, too.
Thank you.
Now will you tell them?
There is nothing to tell.
Tell us what?
Fine.
The DMV took away my license.
For one accident?
Mm-hmm.
Tunde.
Three accidents.
Why are we just hearing this now?
Because it was none of your business.
It is if you're not safe.
I am perfectly safe and I
am going to fight the DMV.
They cannot clip the
wings of this eagle.
"Eagle"?
Bird of prey.
Known for its perfect vision.
Yeah, I know what an eagle is.
Do not worry, my love.
I can drive you wherever you need to go.
Never. My wife does
not shuttle me around.
Tunde,
this doesn't have to be a big deal.
Would you let Abishola drive you?
Of course I would.
You never have.
Uh, that's just
'cause the car is set up for me
the steering wheel, the seats,
the rear-view mirror.
It's all very specific.
Nonsense. You just think
a man always has to be
in the driver's seats.
Look, he's the stubborn eagle.
Let's focus on him.
You are right, Bob.
There are certain things
that men are better at than women.
I didn't say that. He said that.
What is wrong with me driving you?
I have never had an accident,
not even a parking ticket.
- Me, neither.
- (GRUNTS)
I'm going to say it for the last time.
You do not drive me, I drive you.
Okay.
I am driving us home.
Of course, my love.
Thank you for picking me up.
Well, you won't let Olu drive you,
you won't take the bus.
How else were you gonna get to work?
Damn it.
I could have walked.
What? It's like 14, 15 miles.
I walked more than that
every day to go to school.
Let me guess. Through the Nigerian snow?
It gets chilly in the morning.
I know you think you're
losing your independence,
but you got options.
Sure, I can lift up
my skirt and hitchhike.
Will you stop it? It's just a license.
You got a lot of good
years ahead of you.
Maybe.
What does that mean? "Maybe"?
There was no cat.
What?
My accident.
I did not avoid a cat.
I got confused,
and I hit the gas instead of the brake.
So this isn't just
about your eyes, is it?
- No.
- Does Olu know?
I think she suspects
since the other two
accidents were also cats.
I'm sorry, Tunde.
I have entered my decline.
Oh, I've been there.
You have been nowhere.
You are just a baby.
A baby who weighed 350 pounds
and had a heart attack.
True.
When we first met,
I wondered why Abishola would want
to be with a man who cannot
tie his own shoelaces.
I thought the same thing.
Which is why I lost the weight.
She gave me a reason
to get my act together.
So you are saying I
should get a younger wife?
That's what you took from this?
It worked for you.
Mmm. These cosmos are delicious.
- Abishola, another round.
- Yes, Mummy.
A little more vodka.
I want to wake up in
bed next to a stranger.
(LAUGHS) You are a bad influence.
You're welcome.
- What are you two doing tonight?
- What?
You got to speak up, honey.
(LOUDLY): What are you doing tonight?!
You feeling lucky?
- Does the Pope poop in the woods?
- (SNORTS)
That's my girl.
We're going back to the casino.
- Ah.
- You were just there last night.
Yes, we have a gambling problem.
What of it?
It's a terrible addiction,
but the drinks are free.
You do not mean that.
You want to bet on it?
Well, at least
take Uncle Tunde with you.
We would,
but we prefer to have a good time.
Why not? He's fun.
He used to be.
It's not his fault.
It happens to all men.
Everything revolves around
them their whole lives,
then they get old, and boo-hoo,
cue the waterworks.
"Women no longer see me."
"It takes me forever to pee."
"All of my friends are dead."
But when women get old,
we're finally free.
- No kids.
- No whiny husbands.
And all of our annoying
friends are dead.
Hey, there.
Oh, good. It's you.
I thought you were in your room.
I will be.
Have a seat, my friend.
Are you really gonna make
a big deal out of this?
You snuck out in the
middle of the night.
I'm supposed to turn a blind eye?
I'd do it for you.
Are you gonna tell me where you were?
Library.
At 11:30?
We started at the library.
Uh-huh.
So this Jeremy you've been
doing all this studying with,
- that's really
- Jennifer. Good night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. We're not done here.
Really? Feels like we are.
Your grandmother, your uncle,
and your auntie
they're all getting older.
I got to start being a
what do you call it?
wise elder, okay?
I can't just be the fun stepdad anymore.
But you're so good at it.
You and me can't have secrets.
We got to trust each other.
Bob
- I trust you.
- Oh.
So, how long have you and
Jennifer been studying?
Mm.
Going on two years.
Whoa. Serious.
First year, we actually studied.
Please tell me you're being safe.
Well, no one's gotten hurt, so
You know what I'm talking about.
Of course.
Well that's something.
We done?
Yeah, go to bed.
I'm tired from all that studying.
Get going!
This is my first time on the bus.
Until recently, I drove a car.
But Father Time had other plans.
What I mean by that is,
I am getting older.
I feel young on the inside,
but everything on the
outside is slowly rotting.
It will happen to you, too!
Uh, Uncle, it is not necessary
for you to talk to the other passengers.
Why not make friends?
Hello!
This is terrible.
The bus should be an
opportunity to have community,
to socialize.
Instead, everyone is
FaceGramming on their phones.
Well, if you are not happy here,
Auntie can drive you.
No, no, I will make the best of this.
(MAN SIGHS)
What's in your bag?
Onions.
Want one?
No.
I am rethinking Olu.
You can go now. The light is green.
Thank you.
When you hesitate,
it interferes with the flow of traffic.
Thank you again.
I don't know why you are going this way.
Fifth Street is faster.
(SCOFFS) What was I was thinking?
Don't worry. Let me be your GPS.
Okay.
That means "Global Positioning System."
Okay.
I think you would find it safer
to use the ten-and-two method
when holding the wheel.
Why are you stopping?
Get out.
We are four blocks from home.
I know.
Get out!
who I am happier to see,
you or the glass of wine.
It can be both.
No, it is the wine.
Did you have a bad day?
Not for long.
Dottie and I are going to the casino.
Now where is my lucky scarf?
Yes, it was a bad day
I wore it when you married Bob,
and, look,
he hasn't left you yet.
Hey, I was thinking we could
- fire up the hot tub
- I wish I'd had it
for your first wedding.
- Mmm.
- Okay.
No hot tub. Food. Love-making. Sleep.
Sounds great, but could we swap
love-making and food,
you know, just for digestion?
(CHUCKLES) Of course.
Ah-ah. Where are you going?
To study with Jeremy.
I sent you his parents'
email and phone number.
He's also has a compatible blood type.
Stop.
Since when do you walk away from me
when I am not done talking to you?
(WHISPERS): Since we want him to leave.
I'm sorry. What'd you want to say?
Nothing. Go away.
Yes, Mum.
Now, where were we?
Uh, blah, blah, blah.
Love-making, blah, blah, blah.
DOTTIE: Let's go, Ebun!
I got $80 burning a hole in my pocket!
Bob, you want to stake me?
I got a system.
What kind of system? You play the slots.
I play a slot.
It loves me.
- Found it.
- BOB: Okay.
You two have fun.
- Stay out late.
- (PHONE RINGING)
Hello, Auntie.
What?
- Oh, no.
- What?
Uncle Tunde was in a car accident.
He is in the hospital.
Is he all right?
Okay, we'll meet you there.
- Well?
- He may have a concussion.
Okay, let's go.
Lucky scarf, my ass.
("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You know, if Tunde isn't too banged up,
we could probably grab
an Uber to the casino.
What do you think I am praying for?
Oluwa mi o, Uncle.
- You okay?
- Yes, yes.
Wow, God likes you.
Let me give them our insurance.
We have Obamacare.
- Let's see the head.
- I am the nurse, I see.
All right.
(WINCES)
Not so bad.
Frank, town car.
Eight minutes away.
Are you experiencing any
sensitivity to light?
Noise? Any ringing in your ears?
No, I am fine.
What happened?
A cat ran in front of my car.
I turned to miss it and
hit a telephone pole.
Well, next time, kill the cat.
Bob.
There's only one of him.
There's lots of cats.
Maybe it is time you
stop driving at night.
What? Why would you say that?
I have driven with you at night.
I avoided the cat.
And I know how to
operate a motor vehicle.
I've driven with him.
He's Mr. Magoo.
We just want you to be safe.
You and the people on the sidewalk.
Can we please go home?
Come on, I'll drive.
Bob and I will sleep in your guest room
in case you need anything.
That will not be necessary.
(SIGHS)
You, uh, you heard him.
We can drop them off and, you know,
continue with our evening.
No.
Stupid cat.
I hate the smell of hospitals.
- I think it's the bleach.
- It is the stench of death.
Yeah. I smell it now.
This is ridiculous.
If I had vision problems,
they would be scraping
the cat off the road.
So you're 20/20 with cats,
not so good with telephone poles.
My eyes are tip-top.
Your eyes are 75 years old.
Seventy-four.
Oh, my bad.
The men in my family only
get stronger with age.
My grandfather produced
a child when he was 87.
Oh, that's terrific,
his wife had to change two diapers.
Oh, you make jokes.
But I'll tell you right now,
I will outlive you.
I hope so.
- Mr. Olatunji?
- Yes.
We're ready for you.
And if you're a good boy,
we'll go for ice cream after.
That's not funny.
- And I am going to hold you to it.
- All right.
That's my uncle.
By marriage.
You probably knew that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Can you believe a man his age,
refusing to get his eyes checked?
My father was the same way.
Blind as a bat and too
proud to wear glasses.
God rest his soul.
When did he die?
Moments after he stepped
in front of a bus.
I think Bob's mother
is losing her hearing.
She shouts everything.
(IMITATING DOTTIE):
Abishola, I like your shoes!
Why don't you take her
to get her ears checked?
I tried. She said no.
Actually, she said,
(IMITATING DOTTIE): "No!"
People get old,
they don't want to face the fact
that their bodies ain't
what they used to be, child.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
Why?
Abishola, tell her.
No, it is okay, you can do it.
I insist.
Somebody better say something.
Gloria
every time you sneeze,
you let out a little fart.
I do not!
You sound like an old jalopy.
Oh, lord.
My grandmother did that.
It's okay, we still love you.
- Just not when you have Indian food.
- ABISHOLA: Oof.
All right, noted.
Thank you, moving on.
Do I do it when I cough, too?
Yes!
You left your glasses in the bedroom.
Oh, I don't need them to eat dinner.
Come on, show everybody
how handsome you look.
Can we just eat?
Please, Uncle.
(SIGHS)
- Happy?
- Ah.
- Yay.
- I am.
I married a Nigerian Clark Kent.
That is Superman's secret identity.
Olu? Could you please stop ogling me?
I will ogle whoever I choose to ogle.
Maybe it is you who needs the glasses.
Oh, Tunde.
Uncle, I know it was difficult,
but I am proud of you for
taking the first step.
(SCOFFS) I did not need to.
It was completely unnecessary.
They gave you a prescription.
They get paid to give prescriptions.
It is a racket.
Bob, talk sense to him.
Go ahead.
I'd rather not.
(PHONE CHIMES)
I sent you a text.
See if you can read it
without your glasses.
I know we need milk.
Now put them on.
Oh.
I love you, too.
Thank you.
Now will you tell them?
There is nothing to tell.
Tell us what?
Fine.
The DMV took away my license.
For one accident?
Mm-hmm.
Tunde.
Three accidents.
Why are we just hearing this now?
Because it was none of your business.
It is if you're not safe.
I am perfectly safe and I
am going to fight the DMV.
They cannot clip the
wings of this eagle.
"Eagle"?
Bird of prey.
Known for its perfect vision.
Yeah, I know what an eagle is.
Do not worry, my love.
I can drive you wherever you need to go.
Never. My wife does
not shuttle me around.
Tunde,
this doesn't have to be a big deal.
Would you let Abishola drive you?
Of course I would.
You never have.
Uh, that's just
'cause the car is set up for me
the steering wheel, the seats,
the rear-view mirror.
It's all very specific.
Nonsense. You just think
a man always has to be
in the driver's seats.
Look, he's the stubborn eagle.
Let's focus on him.
You are right, Bob.
There are certain things
that men are better at than women.
I didn't say that. He said that.
What is wrong with me driving you?
I have never had an accident,
not even a parking ticket.
- Me, neither.
- (GRUNTS)
I'm going to say it for the last time.
You do not drive me, I drive you.
Okay.
I am driving us home.
Of course, my love.
Thank you for picking me up.
Well, you won't let Olu drive you,
you won't take the bus.
How else were you gonna get to work?
Damn it.
I could have walked.
What? It's like 14, 15 miles.
I walked more than that
every day to go to school.
Let me guess. Through the Nigerian snow?
It gets chilly in the morning.
I know you think you're
losing your independence,
but you got options.
Sure, I can lift up
my skirt and hitchhike.
Will you stop it? It's just a license.
You got a lot of good
years ahead of you.
Maybe.
What does that mean? "Maybe"?
There was no cat.
What?
My accident.
I did not avoid a cat.
I got confused,
and I hit the gas instead of the brake.
So this isn't just
about your eyes, is it?
- No.
- Does Olu know?
I think she suspects
since the other two
accidents were also cats.
I'm sorry, Tunde.
I have entered my decline.
Oh, I've been there.
You have been nowhere.
You are just a baby.
A baby who weighed 350 pounds
and had a heart attack.
True.
When we first met,
I wondered why Abishola would want
to be with a man who cannot
tie his own shoelaces.
I thought the same thing.
Which is why I lost the weight.
She gave me a reason
to get my act together.
So you are saying I
should get a younger wife?
That's what you took from this?
It worked for you.
Mmm. These cosmos are delicious.
- Abishola, another round.
- Yes, Mummy.
A little more vodka.
I want to wake up in
bed next to a stranger.
(LAUGHS) You are a bad influence.
You're welcome.
- What are you two doing tonight?
- What?
You got to speak up, honey.
(LOUDLY): What are you doing tonight?!
You feeling lucky?
- Does the Pope poop in the woods?
- (SNORTS)
That's my girl.
We're going back to the casino.
- Ah.
- You were just there last night.
Yes, we have a gambling problem.
What of it?
It's a terrible addiction,
but the drinks are free.
You do not mean that.
You want to bet on it?
Well, at least
take Uncle Tunde with you.
We would,
but we prefer to have a good time.
Why not? He's fun.
He used to be.
It's not his fault.
It happens to all men.
Everything revolves around
them their whole lives,
then they get old, and boo-hoo,
cue the waterworks.
"Women no longer see me."
"It takes me forever to pee."
"All of my friends are dead."
But when women get old,
we're finally free.
- No kids.
- No whiny husbands.
And all of our annoying
friends are dead.
Hey, there.
Oh, good. It's you.
I thought you were in your room.
I will be.
Have a seat, my friend.
Are you really gonna make
a big deal out of this?
You snuck out in the
middle of the night.
I'm supposed to turn a blind eye?
I'd do it for you.
Are you gonna tell me where you were?
Library.
At 11:30?
We started at the library.
Uh-huh.
So this Jeremy you've been
doing all this studying with,
- that's really
- Jennifer. Good night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. We're not done here.
Really? Feels like we are.
Your grandmother, your uncle,
and your auntie
they're all getting older.
I got to start being a
what do you call it?
wise elder, okay?
I can't just be the fun stepdad anymore.
But you're so good at it.
You and me can't have secrets.
We got to trust each other.
Bob
- I trust you.
- Oh.
So, how long have you and
Jennifer been studying?
Mm.
Going on two years.
Whoa. Serious.
First year, we actually studied.
Please tell me you're being safe.
Well, no one's gotten hurt, so
You know what I'm talking about.
Of course.
Well that's something.
We done?
Yeah, go to bed.
I'm tired from all that studying.
Get going!
This is my first time on the bus.
Until recently, I drove a car.
But Father Time had other plans.
What I mean by that is,
I am getting older.
I feel young on the inside,
but everything on the
outside is slowly rotting.
It will happen to you, too!
Uh, Uncle, it is not necessary
for you to talk to the other passengers.
Why not make friends?
Hello!
This is terrible.
The bus should be an
opportunity to have community,
to socialize.
Instead, everyone is
FaceGramming on their phones.
Well, if you are not happy here,
Auntie can drive you.
No, no, I will make the best of this.
(MAN SIGHS)
What's in your bag?
Onions.
Want one?
No.
I am rethinking Olu.
You can go now. The light is green.
Thank you.
When you hesitate,
it interferes with the flow of traffic.
Thank you again.
I don't know why you are going this way.
Fifth Street is faster.
(SCOFFS) What was I was thinking?
Don't worry. Let me be your GPS.
Okay.
That means "Global Positioning System."
Okay.
I think you would find it safer
to use the ten-and-two method
when holding the wheel.
Why are you stopping?
Get out.
We are four blocks from home.
I know.
Get out!