Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s05e02 Episode Script

1
>> HURRY, KEVIN!
COME QUICK!
IT'S BEGINNING!
>> SO, ROLF, THIS BEAUTY
PAGEANT THING HOT BABES, RIGHT?
>> NO BABIES, KEVIN.
THIS IS A BIG TO-DO
IN ROLF'S HOMELAND.
THE MISS ARDUOUS
FIELD-WORKER PAGEANT!
>> FIELD WORKER?
>> ONLY ROLF MAY
WEAR THE FIST OF PAGEANTRY.
LOOK, KEVIN.
HAVE YOU SEEN GRETCHEN?
SHE'S MUCH FAVORED
IN THE CALLUS TOSS.
>> CALLUS TOSS?
>> AGAIN?!
WHY DO YOU ANSWER
ROLF WITH QUESTIONS?
DO YOU HAVE
POTATOES IN YOUR EARS?
>> SEEN IT.
SEEN IT.
>> JEEZ, EDD.
YOU GOT ANY REAL MAGAZINES
WITH SOME REAL PICTURES?
>> SEEN IT!
>> YOU KNOW, EDDY, WHEN I
AGREED TO THIS HOME-STUDY GROUP, IT.
WAS WITH THE UNDERSTANDING
THAT EVERYONE WOULD DO THEIR FAIR
SHARE.
>> IF ME AND ED DID ANY
WORK, YOU'D BE KISSING THAT GRADE.
AVERAGE GOOD-BYE.
>> SEEN IT!
>> WHY ME?
>> HEY!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHT?
>> SEEN IT.
>> IT SEEMS THE ENTIRE
CUL-DE-SAC IS WITHOUT LIGHT.
IT'S A POWER OUTAGE, EDDY.
>> WHAT'S THAT?
[CAT SCREECHES] >>
SOMEONE TAKING A PROACTIVE.
APPROACH, I ASSUME.
>> WHERE YOU GOING?
DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!
>> SEEN IT!
SEEN IT.
DIDN'T SEE THAT.
>> GOOD EVENING, NAZZ.
>> LIKE, WHAT'S
SO GOOD ABOUT IT?
THERE'S NO
ELECTRICITY, DOUBLE D.
[MUMBLING] >>
NOTHING TO FEAR.
JUST THE RESULT OF A SUDDEN
POWER SURGE, I SUSPECT.
>> ED, YOU IDIOT!
>> WORKING ON IT, EDDY!
OH, BRAIN FOOD.
>> IS THIS A JOKE?
>> YEAH, 'CAUSE
I AIN'T LAUGHING.
>> THE CALM OF
DARKNESS SCARES ME, SARAH.
>> I'M SCARED, TOO, JIMMY.
>> UH, SO WHOSE HOUSE
ARE WE ALL SLEEPING AT?
>> PEOPLE, PLEASE.
STAY CALM.
THERE'S NOTHING TO FEAR.
ELECTRICAL GRID FAILURE
FAILURES, OR BLACKOUTS, AS
AS THEY'RE MORE COMMONLY
KNOWN, ARE MORE OFTEN THAN NO
TEMPORARY.
>> BLACKOUT?
>> OK.
SO, HOW ABOUT WE HOLD
HANDS AND WHISTLE A SONG?
>> GANG-HO!
THIS IS THE WORK OF THE CANNIBAL
UNDERGROUND MOLE MUTANTS!
THEY HAVE SUCKED THE
SURFACE WORLD OF ITS POWER
AND NOW WILL HUNT US
DOWN FOR SUNDAY SUPPER.
>> ENCHANTING, ED, BUT DO YOU
REALLY BELIEVE UNDERGROUND MOLE.
MUTANTS ARE
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
>> WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
[SCREAMING] >> WE
MUST USE THE DOOHICKEY OF.
THE WHATCHAMACALLIT THA
CREATES LIGHT AND ENTERTAINMENT.
>> YOU MEAN,
LIKE, A GENERATOR?
>> IS THIS A TEST?
[SCREAMING] >> HEY,
WHERE'D KEV AND ROLF GO?
>> THEY WERE
HERE A SECOND AGO.
>> FREEZE-DRIED AND
MECHANICALLY DEBONED.
THEY ALWAYS CAPTURE
THE STRONGEST FIRST.
>> I'M SCARED.
>> ROLF AND KEVIN
WERE MERE APPETIZERS.
>> BUT I'M SO PETITE!
THEY'LL EAT ME LAST!
I'D BE THE RASPBERRY
SWIRL PARFAIT!
[SOBBING] >> IT SAYS
OVERRIPE BANANAS AND.
DAY-OLD HOT-DOG BUNS WILL MAKE
THEM GO BACK FROM WHENCE THEY
CAME.
>> OH, THIS
LOOKS GOLD, DOUBLE D.
>> GOLD?
DON'T TELL ME YOU WOULD THINK OF
FANNING THESE FLAMES OF PARANOID
FEAR, EDDY.
>> OK. I WON'T.
HA HA HA!
>> COME, KEVIN.
WE MUST POWER THE DOOJIGGER
OF ENERGY IN THE WELL.
[GRUNTING] SO AS
NOT TO DISTURB NANA.
>> RIGHT.
[OWL HOOTING] WHAT?
>> THAT LID.
PRY OPEN THE LID!
MUST I DO EVERYTHING?
>> OH, MAN!
>> GET A
STICK, NINCOMPOOP.
>> THIS FIELD-WORKER
THING'S GOT YOU TIED IN A KNOT.
>> STEP RIGHT UP AND GE
YOUR MOLE MUTANT REPELLENT.
>> EDDY, PLEASE!
REFRAIN.
DESIST.
>> ONE-STOP SHOPPING FOR
ALL YOUR CANNIBALISTIC MOLE MUTANT.
NEEDS. >> I'll
TAKE SOME BANANAS!
>> DAY-OLD
HOT DOGS FOR ME!
>> OVER HERE, EDDY!
[YELLING] >> FOUND ONE.
[GRUNTING] >>
MAKE HASTE, KEVIN
AS ROLF DOES NOT WISH TO MISS
THE TULIP COMPETITION OF THE
PAGEANT.
>> YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
>> PUT THIS IN.
WATCH YOUR BACK.
DON'T DROP IT!
>> WHOA!
>> HOLY TOLEDO!
PLANK'S GONE!
>> THEY HAVE TAKEN PLANK
FOR FIBER TO HELP WITH THEIR.
IRREGULARITY!
A PORTAL.
THEY HAVE DRAGGED OUR
COMRADES TO THEIR LAIR TO EAT!
BE SCARED.
[SCREAMING] >> ALL RIGHT.
I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH
OF THIS NONSENSE.
MOLE MUTANTS, INDEED.
I SEE IT'S UP TO ME TO
PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL
UM, EDDY?
>> DON'T BUG ME.
>> THAT THERE ARE NO
MOLE MUTANTS, CANNIBALISTIC OR.
OTHERWISE.
>> AAH!
>> PLANK?!
>> I BELIEVE
THIS BELONGS TO YOU.
>> AND TO THINK YOU
ALMOST BECAME MOLE LAXATIVE.
>> STOP, DOUBLE D!
THEY WILL DINE ON YOU
WITH FAST-FOOD UTENSILS.
>> ED, HUSH.
>> DOUBLE D IS MAD.
[FAR-OFF VOICES] >>
OH, I'M COVERED IN FILTH!
I'M SOAKED!
HELP!
>> THEY GOT DOUBLE D!
[YELLING] >>
WHAT'S THAT, BUDDY?
WHAT PLAN?
I'll TELL 'EM, BUDDY.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
PLANK'S GOT A BRAINSTORM.
GIVE IT TO 'EM STRAIGHT, BUDDY.
>> HELP!
>> YO, WHAT WAS THAT?
>> ONLY ROLF LISTENS, YES?
HELLO?
COME AGAIN?
>> HURRY, PLEASE!
ASSISTANCE!
>> TURN AROUND, KEVIN!
MAKE LIKE THE WIND!
A DAMSEL IN NEED
REQUESTS ROOM SERVICE!
>> IT'S SEEPING
INTO MY SHOES!
>> EVERYBODY IN POSITION?
>> I GUESS SO.
>> READY!
>> DEATH TO
THE MOLE MUTANTS!
>> I HOPE THAT HUNK OF
WOOD KNOWS WHAT IT'S DOING.
>> PLANK SAYS ON THE
COUNT OF 3 WE ALL FLUSH.
FLUSH LIKE YOU'VE
NEVER FLUSHED BEFORE!
1 2 3!
FLUSH!
>> BLESS YOU,
BLESS YOU, ROLF.
CURSE ED'S
OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION.
HONESTLY, HE HAD EVERYONE
CONVINCED THAT MOLE MUTANTS
SWARM >> KEV BOY! NO!
AY YI YI!
[KEVIN PANTING] LOOK
WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
WE CAN LET POWER
RISE ABOVE SAID BABY.
WE MUST HAVE GOOD ENOUGH!
>> GOT YOU.
DUDE.
>> DUCK.
>> YOU MEAN DUDE, MAN.
>> NO! ROLF MEANS
>> IT'S WORKING, PLANK!
WHOO-HOO!
>> YEAH!
I GOT YOU, EDDY!
I GOT YOU!
>> WAIT.
ROLF FALLS FIRST.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WHO'S THE WISE GUY?
>> IT WAS PLANK'S IDEA!
HE SAVED THE CUL-DE-SAC
FROM THE MOLE MUTANTS ♪
HA! HE'S A HERO!
[CHEERING] >> BRAVO!
[CHEERING] LOOK AT ME! YAY!
>> CURLING
TONGS, HERE I COME!
>> HERO, HERO
>> NOW I CAN FINISH
MY POTPOURRI, SARAH.
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CHILL
OVER THAT FIELD-WORKER PAGEANT THING,
ROLF?
>> ROLF PUSHES.
>> EDDY, LOOK.
DOUBLE D IS DOUBLE DONE FOR.
>> BUT IT'S THE
END OF THE SHOW, ED.
>> I KNOW, EDDY.
>> I JUS
CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I STILL GOT CASH, BUDDY BOY!
FOR ONCE IN MY STINKING
LIFE, I'M IN THE BLACK!
CHA-CHING!
HA HA HA!
[ROAR] >> MOLE MUTANT!
>> MY MONEY.
>> ED
>> RUN AWAY!
IT WILL EAT US!
>> LET ME OUT OF HERE!
I GOTTA GET MY MONEY!
>> LET'S FIGH
THIS ONE, EDDY!
>> LET ME OUT, OR I'll
>> CAN'T DO THAT, EDDY.
NOT WHILE ONE MOLE MUTANT WALKS
THIS EARTH DROOLING FOR ITS NEX
VICTIM.
[ROARING] IT HAS FOUND US, EDDY!
[GARGLING] >> MOLE MUTANT!
>> AH AH CHOO!
BLESS ME.
>> IT'S JUS
SOCKHEAD, STUPID.
>> DOUBLE D!
UNCHUCKED AND UNDIGESTED!
WE ARE AS ONCE TWICE AGAIN.
>> MY HAT, THANK YOU.
I'M GOING HOME NOW.
I HAVE A STRICT DECONTAMINATION
REGIMEN TO IMPLEMENT.
>> OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT!
WE'RE GOING BACK INTO
THAT SEWER TO GET MY CASH.
GOT IT?
>> NOT SO FAST, BUCKOS!
IT MAY BE DAYS BEFORE
IT IS SAFE TO GO, UM
OUTSIDE.
AS WE WILL BE THE LAST HUMANS
ON EARTH LIVING ON GRUBS AND STALE
MARSHMALLOWS.
>> GIVE ME
THAT STUPID THING!
>> RUN AWAY!
>> YOU BETTER RUN.
>> OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
>> BUT, EDDY, IT'S
A COLLECTOR'S ISSUE!
>> YEAH?
WELL, COLLECT THIS!
HEY, WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHT?
[SNORING]
>> HEY, RIP VAN WINKLE!
GET CRACKING, BOY-O.
WE'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
>> AN EARLY BIRD
CATCHES THE PEANUT, DOUBLE D.
>> SCHOOL?
I HATE TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD
NEWS, GENTLEMEN, BUT TODAY'S
SATURDAY.
>> SATURDAY?!
ED, YOU DOLT!
YOU WOKE ME UP FOR
SCHOOL ON A SATURDAY?
>> IT WASN'
MY FAULT, EDDY.
MY BELLY TOLD ME IT WAS
BOTTOMLESS GRAVY DAY IN THE
CAFETERIA.
BAD BELLY.
BAD!
>> GRR!
YOUR HEAD'S BOTTOMLESS!
>> BELLY BAD, EDDY!
>> COME HERE, YOU
LITTLE >> BELLY!
>> LOVABLE OAF.
OH, WELL.
BEST BEGIN MY DAY, I SUPPOSE.
[BEEPING] [HUMMING]
AND LAST BUT NO
LEAST THE SHOWER.
OH, HOW I ADORE ITS SPRINKLING
SPLENDOR, ITS CASCADING
CLEANSING, ITS STEAMY SERENADE.
AN IMPERATIVE STEP
TO EACH AND EVERY DAY.
AAH!
MY BATHROOM!
DEMOLISHED! DISMEMBERED!
DISINTEGRATED!
A STICKY NOTE.
"DEAR EDWARD, THE SHOWER IS
OUT OF ORDER DUE TO RENOVATIONS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
LOVE, MOTHER AND FATHER."
OH, DEAR!
>> SCRAM, ED!
>> NO LIE, EDDY!
IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
>> BEAT IT!
WEEKEND WRECKER.
>> OF ALL THE INCONSIDERATE
WITHOUT EVEN A WORD, MOTHER AND.
FATHER, IN ALL THEIR WISDOM,
FELT IT NECESSARY TO RENOVATE
OUR BATHROOM.
I ASK YOU, DO I EVEN EXIST?
>> EDDY!
THE BELLY IS EVIL!
THE BELLY IS CRUEL!
[RINGING] >> EDDY,
I KNOW THIS MAY BE.
DIFFICULT, AND NORMALLY I
WOULDN'T ASK THIS OF YOU, BU
MAY I USE YOUR SHOWER?
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF
BRINGING MY OWN TOILETRIES.
MIND YOU, I WILL REQUIRE A CLEAN
TOWEL, PREFERABLY COTTON, AS
POLYBLENDS IRRITATE MY SKIN.
>> HIT THE ROAD!
WINDBAG.
>> DID YOUR BELLY
LIE, TOO, DOUBLE D?
>> NOT TO BE RUDE, ED, BU
I DESPERATELY NEED TO FIND A.
SHOWER.
OH, MESSY, MESSY, MESSY.
>> EDDY!
>> OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
LE JIMMY'S BEE-YOOTY SALON?
HOW FORTUITOUS.
JIMMY'S A YOUNG MAN OF
UPSTANDING HYGIENIC CALIBER.
[HUMMING] >> VOILA!
>> I FEEL WEIRD.
HMM.
WOWSERS!
THAT SURE LOOKS SNAZZY, JIMMY!
>> THAT'S LE JIMMY.
NOW SIT STILL.
YOU'RE RUINING MY VISION OF YOU.
>> WELCOME TO LE JIMMY'S,
WHERE WE HAVE A COMB AND YOU DON'T.
WE HAVE DUCT-TAPE WAXING.
ONLY JIMMY'S SPECIALTY.
KETCHUP AND MUSTARD MANICURES
AND SPAGHETTI RELAXATION BATHS.
>> ROCK AND
ROLL, HUH, PLANK?
>> YES. WELL, THIS ALL SOUNDS
VERY LUXURIOUS, SARAH, BUT ALL
I REQUIRE TODAY IS A SHOWER.
>> IS THAT RIGHT?
LE JIMMY HAS AN
OPENING IN 3 WEEKS.
>> 3 WEEKS?
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I NEED A SHOWER IMMEDIATELY.
>> 3 WEEKS, BUB!
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!
>> WELL, UM, OK.
THANK YOU, SARAH.
UM, YOU'VE CERTAINLY
MADE YOUR POINT.
YES, INDEEDY.
UM, WITH THAT, I'll BE SURE
TO, UH, COOPERATE FULLY.
YES?
SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER!
>> HEY!
>> JIMMY, I BESEECH YOU.
PLEASE [COUGHING] A FAVOR.
ALL I ASK FOR IS A SHOWER.
FIND IT IN YOUR HEART, LAD.
AT THIS VERY MOMENT, THERE
ARE MILLIONS OF DEAD SKIN CELLS
AMASSING UNDER THE
THREADS OF MY ROBE!
>> GO AWAY.
>> STOP THAT!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I LOVE MYSELF.
>> YOU ATTACKED
SARAH IN COLD BLOOD.
DON'T HIT ME!
[WHIMPERING] >> IS
LE JIMMY'S A SCREAM OR.
WHAT?
>> JONNY, MAY I
USE YOUR SHOWER?
>> NO.
>> THEY RUINED
MY SALON, SARAH.
>> LOOK AT ME!
IS A SHOWER TOO MUCH TO ASK?
[GROWLING] >>
YOU'RE ON, PLANK.
I'll TAKE THE DIRTY
KID FOR A QUARTER.
>> AAH!
>> ROLF.
FINALLY, SOMEONE WILL
UNDERSTAND MY PLIGHT.
SOMEONE WHO CAN SYMPATHIZE
WITH THE SOILED SUFFERING I'VE
ENDURED.
UM, ROLF.
EXCUSE ME.
A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?
MAY I TROUBLE YOU FOR THE USE
OF YOUR SHOWER SO I CAN START MY
DAY ON THE RIGHT FOOT?
ROLF!
OH, DEAR!
ROLF, STOP!
YEOW!
[SNIFFS] >>
AH, TOO EARLY, YES?
THE FERMENTING HAS YET TO BEGIN.
[MOO] >> THE MILK
OF HUMAN KINDNESS.
HAS ABANDONED ME!
SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER.
SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER!
GREETINGS, MICROORGANISMS.
HOP ABOARD.
WELCOME, BACTERIA.
OH, HAPPY DAY.
>> EDWARD!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> DIVE IN, OLD
VISION OF MY FORMER SELF.
THERE IS MORE THAN
ENOUGH FILTH TO GO AROUND.
>> I'll HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOUR SELF-DEGRADATION, THANK.
YOU, AS I STAND FOR CLEANLINESS,
MORAL FIBER, AND ALL THAT IS
DECENT AND NEATLY FOLDED.
>> ZIPPITY DO DAH!
>> STOP IT,
STOP IT, STOP IT!
GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, MISTER.
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
>> MAY I USE YOUR SHOWER?
>> GOOD LORD.
STINKY, STINKY, STINKY.
>> NO SHOWER FOR ME!
[GRUNTING] >> HA HA HA!
FOR ME?
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
>> DOUBLE D, IS THAT YOU?
>> NO, NOT REALLY.
>> NO OFFENSE, DUDE, BU
YOU COULD REALLY USE A SHOWER.
LET'S GET YOU A WASHCLOTH, OK?
>> A S-SHOWER?
>> THE BATHROOM'S
THROUGH HERE.
SEE?
>> A RADIANT ANGEL
HAS SMILED DOWN UPON ME.
>> WHATEVER.
HERE YOU GO.
NOW, DON'T FORGET TO
WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS.
>> OH, YEAH, BABY.
NOTHING LIKE A SHOWER TO
GET YOU READY FOR A NEW DAY.
WHAT THE >> LOOK
WHAT I FOUND ON NAZZ'S.
LAWN, EDDY.
IT LOOKS A LOT LIKE DOUBLE D.
>> P.U.!
YOU REEK, SOCKHEAD.
>> HE SMELLS WORSER THAN
THE SANDWICH UNDER MY BED, EDDY.
>> HA HA HA!
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, LUMPY.
MORE LIKE ONE OF YOUR
3-MONTH-OLD GYM SOCKS.
>> OH, OH, LIKE MY HEAD
ON A RAINY DAY, HUH, EDDY?
HA HA! >> HA HA!
VERY FUNNY.
CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS, PLEASE?
>> LET'S GET THAT CUSTARD
OUT OF YOUR BELLYBUTTON, MISTER.
>> WAIT, ED.
LET ME GO GET A CAMERA.
HA HA HA!
>> ED, EDD, N' EDDY!
>> BRRRRRR YEAH!