Gilmore Girls s05e02 Episode Script

Morning, Al.
Morning, Fred.
Morning, Sam.
Cider Mill's opening Saturday.
|Big parade and free cider for one and all.
Thank you.
Cider Mill's opening Saturday.
|Big parade and free cider for one and all.
Thank you.
Keep it going, kids.
|You're red, you're delicious you're about to have the juice|sucked out of you.
- There she is, our spunky entrepreneur.
|- I am the "über" Trump Murdoch maximus.
" - Apple down.
|- Apple down! Hold it, everybody, apple down.
|Okay, roll her over.
Have a nice day.
opening Saturday.
|Big parade, free cider for one and all.
and two eggs over easy, got it.
|Just be a couple minutes.
Caesar, order.
Since they were both actually royalty their child would have a real|claim to the Judean throne.
So Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul|to have the kid.
She's also supposed to run|the church after his death but that's not what Peter wants, right? But all that got covered up|later on by Constantine after the Council of Nicea|purged the Christian- Oh, my God,|will you stop talking about this? This is the number one book|in the country.
- It's my number one bummer.
|- Okay, guys, what'll you have? Burger for me, nothing healthy on it,|extra cheese and, of course an order of wink-winkers.
- You don't have to call them that.
|- Just want to make myself clear.
I told you guys I'd throw you free fries not a big deal since|they're usually ones we wind up throwing out anyway|from making too many which means you don't have|to call them wink-winkers or nudge-nudgies|or know-what-I-meanies or anything else in verbal code,|especially if it's cute-cutesy.
I will abide by that.
- Brian?|- Same thing, burger and fries.
- Dude, that's cute-cutesy.
|- She said not to be verbally cute-cutesy.
It was a blanket moratorium|on anything cutesy concerning the fries.
- I'll be back.
|- Cokes, too.
- Better get my money ready.
|- That's not embarrassing.
Hi, Lane.
Lorelai, hi.
|Would you like your usual to go? Yes, and quick-quick, please.
You know,|people are calling you "the blur.
" That's mean, or is it? What is that? You're not around|and you're always running, swoosh, blur.
That's business, baby.
If you slow down,|they might catch up with you.
Still no Luke, huh? Liz and T.
J.
are still not back up|on their feet.
Luke's calling the Renaissance Faire|his Vietnam without all the fun shooting.
Poor guy.
I made it extra strong.
It should blacken your teeth|and rot your stomach.
- Bless you.
|- No prob.
- All from Rory.
|- I'm sorry, just being nosey.
No, go ahead, read.
|I'm sure it's stuff she already told you.
Yeah, probably.
- You are ready to swoosh.
|- The blur is off.
- And don't over-tip.
|- Try and stop me.
Hey, guys.
- Lorelai, get yourself a wink-winker?|- What? - Please erase this from your brain.
|- I will definitely try.
I'm telling you, I was going crazy.
|I was in bed for six weeks.
It was fractured in three places.
|That's why it took so long to heal.
But thank God for my big brother.
- Morning, Lucas.
|- Hey, Henry, how's your beard? You've always asked that,|and I always laugh.
It's our thing.
Come here.
Got some dish.
You know Hay Bale Bill,|the guy that totes the hay bales? Yeah, I've seen him around.
Got caught in a tent last night|with Annie from the grog booth.
Isn't she engaged to the fruit-ice guy? Yeah, and the fruit-ice guy comes back,|and there's Annie and Hay Bale so he tears the tent to pieces.
Now the grog people have to hide her.
|They set up a fort made out of kegs.
- Crazy stuff.
|- I'll keep you posted.
All right.
See you later.
- Luke?|- What, T.
J.
? You're putting the pewter|next to the turquoise? Looks like it.
We don't usually put the pewter|next to the turquoise.
Well, I'm a maverick.
- Might be why the pewter ain't moving.
|- Pewter's moving just fine, T.
J.
- Excuse me?|- Hi, there.
Can I help you? Yeah.
|I'm looking for the Shakespeare stage.
Okay, you walk past the Calumba booth veer right at the drinking horns,|then left at the antler ark.
Thank you.
- Luke?|- What, T.
J.
? You didn't use the approved|Faire language with that customer.
Maverick, me.
Don't forget that.
There's undercover Faire officials|walking around.
- They look for that kind of stuff.
|- They should get real jobs.
Would it kill you to shoot her|a "good morrow"? Look, T.
J - I don't believe it.
|- I know, the Yanks went with Mussina they should have gone with Brown.
- You're watching TV.
|- I'm not ready for my nap.
- You're milking it.
|- I'm convalescing.
And you're milking me.
But no more.
Find some help, get a crutch,|because by week's end, I'm gone.
Liz, you hearing this? What? Sorry.
|I was listening to my Deepak Chopra.
I got things to do.
|I got a business, hopefully a life.
Prithee you jest, good sir,|and leave us short of hand? - I ain't jesting.
|- But my arm.
Had no trouble reaching into|a tub of caramel corn last night while you were scratching|yourself with the other.
- Your dexterity's fine.
|- T.
J.
, it's time for him to go.
So you're gonna break up the team.
I'm not good to you.
|I'm not moving the pewter.
Don't want you to get in trouble|with the undercover squad.
And here we are, Room 518 a beautiful room,|very special for you, Mrs.
Gilmore.
- It's nice.
|- It's hot.
I will adjust the air for you,|no problem on my end.
It's a spectacular view, very nice.
|A little balcony there.
- It's different.
|- Something is different? The view, it's different.
- Wow.
It's pretty spectacular.
|- It's not the same.
It's the same room you had|two years ago, "signora," 518.
The ruins, they used to be closer.
|Something move? - I don't think so.
|- That pillar is in a different place.
I think the ruins are probably|where they've been for the past 2,000 years, Grandma.
We can get you another room,|"signora," no problem.
No, it's fine.
- Smokers?|- I despise smokers.
Rory, I told you before,|you do not move luggage.
- Yes.
Please, we will do that.
|- Sorry.
Your high tea is still at the same time? We'll need to book some private tours the Vatican, the Villa Medici,|and private, just the two of us.
The concierge in Florence|stuck us with a Belgian couple at the Uffizi who didn't know a fresco|from a ferret hole.
And the ruins, of course.
|Make sure the guide's not too dry.
So different.
The hanging bags should be hung,|not laid on the bed.
Excuse me, how far away|are we from the catacombs? Close, but your grandmother|would not like the catacombs.
- Bones disturb her.
|- It's for me, my grandmother usually takes a nap this time of the day,|so I go off and do my own thing.
- Yes, a nap.
|- We need two more pillows.
I will see to it.
Anything else I can do? - That should do it, thank you, Luciano.
|- Thank you very much.
Good evening.
Thank you.
Let's sit down and pick our restaurants.
That's three nights,|that's three lunches and three dinners.
We'll take our usual "passeggiata"|around the Piazza Navona but let's pick the restaurants.
Do you want to pick them|before your nap or after? - I'm skipping my nap today.
|- Really? - Absolutely, I'm not the least bit tired.
|- Good.
- Couldn't hide it any better than that?|- Hide what? I don't take my nap,|you don't get to go out on your own.
- Grandma, I wasn't thinking that.
|- I was kidding.
I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure|I'll even make it to the bedroom.
I may just drop down here on the carpet.
Thank you, Grandma.
|It's all cultural stuff, I promise.
Just kind of faster and funkier.
- Go enjoy your funk.
|- Thank you.
Say, when was the last time|we called your mother? Not sure.
- Have we called her this week?|- I think you did.
We'll call when you come back.
- Okay.
Bye.
|- Bye-bye.
- Morning.
|- Morning.
Rob, I want to keep these brochures nice and neat in the rack here,|none of them askew.
Otherwise, it gives the place that|we'll-leave-the-light-on-for-you feel - that we're desperately trying to avoid.
|- I got you.
That is, if we ultimately decide|that we don't mind having brochures here in the lobby.
The jury's still out on that.
You know what?|Jury's back, brochures are out.
I'll just take this in the office.
- Michel.
|- Good morning.
- What are you doing?|- Hiding.
- From me?|- No.
- From?|- Suffice it to say that my hiding is not costing the Inn|any income, in fact, I'm overdue for my 10.
So consider this my 10,|and you are now conducting business with an employee|who is officially on his 10 which is in direct violation of union rules.
- You're not in a union.
|- I'm in a union of oppressed Frenchmen.
The UOF.
Got it, all right, carry on.
There is a spot on the floor over here|that the vacuum never quite reaches.
Let's make sure it does.
Thank you.
Hi, it's the Krumholtzes.
|How are you doing today? - Great, are you always here?|- I give that illusion.
So, what's on the agenda today? Mike and I would love to hit|some antique stores.
- We can guide you to the best of them.
|- But the kids would love to stay here.
You got games and books|and they'd be bored stiff with us.
They can absolutely stay here,|there's always people around.
- Is Michel going to be here?|- Yes.
Good, he is their favorite.
Michel? Have they met Michel?|Have you met Michel? - He's funny.
|- They love him.
He chases them around and shouts|and pretends to be mad and they laugh and laugh.
Michel is here and I'm sure he would be happy|to look after you guys while your parents are gone.
In fact, he's playing|hide-and-seek right now and if you go over to the reception area I guarantee you'll be getting warm,|warmer, hot.
Goodie, let's go, come on.
Have a good day.
- Morning.
|- Morning.
Who needs coffee?|I'll get you some coffee right there.
When Sookie gets in tell her I want to go over|the layout for the dinner menu.
I want to go another way.
|I'll be in my office.
Thank you.
You found him.
Good job, Krumholtzes.
He grounded us and told us|to go do something to ourselves.
- He used a dirty word.
|- And I'm destined to use many more.
- No, you're not.
Come here.
|- It is not my job to entertain little people.
Michel, the Krumholtzes|are in our most expensive room.
We need people like them to be happy so they tell other people like them|they were happy.
Because we are a new business,|and we all have to go above and beyond|the call of duty until we are established.
- So you watch them.
|- I hate kids.
- This isn't fair.
|- You're a profit participant.
Happy Krumholtzes|equal lots of profits, participant.
Who wants to play|some insipid board game with me? We want to play an insipid board game.
Yeah, let's play Chinese checkers.
- Hello?|- Lorelai, it's your mother.
- Hi, Mom.
|- I'm calling from Rome.
The line is crystal clear,|you don't have to yell.
Sorry, I still think transcontinental calls|are a bigger deal than they are.
You're coming in fine.
So, Rome? Our last stop, and a good thing, too,|because I don't know how long I can keep these randy European men|off me.
Excuse me? They're terrible flirts here.
|Gorgeous, but so forward.
- You want to talk to Rory?|- Sure, is she there? Yes, she is, hang on.
Rory.
- Hello?|- Hi.
- Hi.
|- So, Rome? Yep.
- Weather good?|- Hot in the day, cooler at night.
That's kind of what we're having here.
Coinky-dink.
Yeah, so So I guess I'll be seeing you|in a couple of days.
Yep.
Great, then.
Be safe and watch out|for those Italian men especially ones named Randy.
- I will.
Bye.
|- Bye.
Didn't look like a quarter|would bounce off it.
Gotta have those bouncing quarters.
I think the pink purse|with the gold clasp is my favorite.
We probably could have gotten|all this stuff at home, Grandma.
- Now we have to pay duty on them.
|- But if you buy them back in the States then you can't say,|"I picked this up in Rome.
" Hello.
May I help you, please? He called me pretty lady.
|It just never stops.
You got the gams, Grandma.
Rory, what do you want? A triple espresso.
He won't stop.
The fact is, we've got five original songs|ready to play live.
A 40-minute gig means we can fill it out|with six or seven covers.
- No problem.
|- Problem.
Our covers are tight and people dig them.
We play "Fell In Love With A GirI"|as good as The White Stripes so how is one of our originals|gonna stack up coming after it? We could play all our originals up top,|then close with our covers.
That's asymmetrical, man.
|We could lose our audience if we play a bunch of originals in a row.
Our covers are just too good.
I say we cut any cover song|that overpowers our originals.
- So no "Suffragette City.
"|- And no White Stripes.
"Lithium" is gone,|the Radiohead, both Pixies.
- No Dandy Warhols.
|- Or Velvet Underground.
Wait, guys.
You're cutting|every good cover song we play.
But maybe that's the key.
Yeah, if we play|nothing but crappy covers our originals will stand out.
- Brilliant.
|- What? - Anything by Men At Work.
|- Or Chicago, Wings.
- Styx.
|- Culture Club.
We throw in a Quarterflash,|they'll be eating out of our hands.
Okay.
This is just kooky.
I say we reconvene tonight|and figure it out then.
- I got to get to work, anyway.
|- I'll see you at home tonight.
- I'll get you some more water?|- Thanks.
- Hello.
|- Hi, there.
- Hi, Zach.
|- Trina.
How you doing? Cheryl, come on.
Shoot me some.
Come this way.
You sit there.
I want you to sit right here.
It's your turn.
Really, that fact has not changed since|you said it 10 seconds ago.
If you lose, will you do that thing where you pretend to get all mad|and you hit the board and send the marbles flying all around? - Yeah.
|- I am not going to lose.
Hi, kids.
Michel, do we have|any double-A batteries? How can a man play Chinese checkers|with all these interruptions? - They're still not vacuuming that spot.
|- It's your turn, Michel.
- You redundant little rodent.
|- Michel, the batteries? Are in the office, far right drawer|of the credenza.
Damn! Is where water is stored to power|electrical facilities.
Thanks, Michel.
It's your turn again.
Why are the dining room tables|always out of place? Lorelai.
Excuse me.
Okay, table's perfect now.
Who keeps moving them out of place?|I want a name.
Cruel sadistic table fairies?|Come into the pantry with me here.
I can give you a minute, that's it.
I've been trying to figure out a way|how to bring this up and now - What's that?|- I cleared a plate.
You don't clear plates.
- The plate was empty, so I grabbed it.
|- Give me the plate, you've gone nutty.
- What?|- Now you're mad, I hate making you mad.
- I have the worst people skills.
|- I'm not mad or nutty.
But you are, and you have been for weeks.
The nutty don't usually know|that they're nutty, thus the nutty.
- Sookie, I'm very busy.
|- Doing other people's work.
- I am not.
|- It's your job to change sheets - fluff pillows?|- No.
Brush the horses,|fold the points on the toilet paper? sookie, we're breaking in new people.
|I'm picking up the slack.
- I'm new? Michel's new?|- I'm not doing your jobs.
Two weeks ago,|I come in and my refrigerator which is sorted by a system|that I have honed for 10 straight years is completely rearranged.
The meat's on the top,|and the vegetables are on the bottom.
It's "Apocalypse Now," baby.
I yelled at the staff,|but now I know it was you.
- It was messy.
|- It was my messy.
I couldn't find anything in there for days.
|I kept reaching in for strawberries and coming up with liver,|that's not pleasant.
I promise not to touch the fridge again.
You're yelling at the employees.
|You never yelled before.
- I'm yelling?|- You've got to go home once in a while.
Sookie, we're a new business,|it's time-consuming.
How many times have you fallen asleep|at your desk in that office of yours? - Once.
|- No.
Once, you fell asleep on a stapler, and|the whole next day, you had "Swingline" printed backwards across your face.
Look, you've fallen asleep|at that desk a hundred times.
I'm here when I'm here.
|I can't change that.
I'm sorry.
Want to know the last time|I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? - Your mother's house.
|- Knife in the gut.
Sorry to deal from the bottom|of the deck, but that's reality.
- I am pretty burned out.
|- Me, too.
We all are.
It's been hard.
- I will take a break.
|- Good.
Not this week|because stuff's been piling up, but And not next week.
God, I don't know.
- Now.
|- Stop.
- Wait, I'm being kidnapped.
|- Go home and relax.
I have no one to hang out with.
I'll hang out with you sometime this week.
|I need a break, too.
We'll have a girlfriend day.
We'll get manicures and jump rope|and talk about boys.
The whole cliché thing.
|Now, go.
And don't stop for nothing.
- Okay, I promise.
|- Go.
Yes.
Do it again! Hold it.
Good girl.
Now, get your things and go.
Bob, are you sure you want to Nope, keep going.
- Hello?|- It's me.
- Hello.
|- Bad time? Are you busy? Trying not to be.
How are you doing? - Good, you?|- Good.
I was at the corner|of Bark and Cheese today.
Bark and Cheese? Really? - And it's exactly the same.
|- Exactly the same? Was there a tiny little Italian dog in a basket barking|the whole time you were there? Not this time,|but I definitely had flashbacks.
Did you have a nice piece of cheese|with your coffee? I still say I said the correct|word for "cream" in Italian.
I even pointed at my coffee|when I asked for it.
- How could I be asking for cheese?|- But cheese you were brought.
- Stinky cheese, the worst, don't forget.
|- That you proceeded to eat.
Because I hate people who make mistakes|when they order especially in a foreign country and then make a big to-do|when they get the wrong thing.
Ugly American, yuck.
So you admit it was a mistake.
|You did say "cheese.
" I know French, a bit of Spanish,|but my Italian, not so good.
Being trilingual is plenty for a young lady.
Yeah.
- Mom?|- Yeah? I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
|- I screwed up.
I screwed up so bad.
- I handled everything wrong.
|- Oh, honey.
I keep reliving everything over and over.
|It's such a mess.
- I just want to fix it.
I have to fix it.
|- You will.
- I know, I just I need a favor.
|- Okay.
- It's big.
|- Okay.
I wrote a letter to Dean.
Could you get it to him? I don't know how else to do it.
|I can't just mail it to his apartment.
- It's a big favor.
|- Honey, I don't know.
It's a lot to ask, but I think|that this will make everything better.
Please.
I can't wait until I get home.
- I have to do something now.
|- A letter? Get it to me, and I will get it to him.
Thank you.
Have some espresso|and Limburger for me.
I will.
- I love you, Mom.
|- I love you, too.
Bye.
Bye.
You know, I think if you made it|a little fuller- - Go!|- Going.
I want to thank thee, kind lady,|for your purchase.
Please take one of my cards.
|Note the website.
- And do enjoy your day at the Faire.
|- Thanks.
I am kicking ass.
- Who knew I was a master salesman?|- So I'm all packed and ready to go.
Good, and don't worry about nothing,|because we're all cool here.
That's the thing.
In 10 years, I could die and they could very well|trace it back to this moment.
"He got back up on his feet too fast.
"|That's what they could say.
It's weird when people who aren't doctors|start thinking they're doctors.
- He'll be fine.
|- Gosh, I was so worried.
So, I'm gonna make a phone call,|and then I'll go.
Okay.
Hon, could you try|and get this cashbox open? - It's stuck again.
|- If you want.
It's just I was holding this screwdriver|before and I almost blacked out.
- I'll try again.
|- Thanks.
Luke, don't forget the undercover guys,|they look for cell phones.
I'll keep an eye out.
Luke, I'm being your friend here.
- Hello?|- It's me.
- Huzzah and prithee.
Art thou-|- Stop.
- Sorry, how are you?|- Good.
Sorry, that was incomplete.
|How are you, you big fat liar? - What?|- You said you would be home yesterday.
I'm coming home today for sure.
What's that, Lucy?|A football for me to kick? I mean it this time.
Man.
- It's a done deal.
|- I'll believe it when I see it.
Did I tell you about Bill? Hay Bale Bill? No, spill.
He crawled in a tent|with Grog Booth Annie.
- No way.
|- He did.
But she's engaged to the fruit-ice guy.
- It's not gonna last.
|- Oh, boy.
You feeling okay? - I'm very nauseous.
|- Not you, T.
J.
I'm fine, I just have a little assignment|I've got to do.
So, what lie are you gonna tell me|about coming home now? I'm coming home today.
- So, next week?|- Today.
Milady, dost thou have Pepto-Bismol|on thee? Or breadstuffs? - This month at least?|- Today.
- See you when Hillary's president.
|- I'll see you later today.
Bye.
- Looking for something specific?|- No.
You remember those earrings|you got me before? - Yeah.
|- You have a necklace that would match that? Yeah, I think so.
You give them to a girl? - Yeah.
|- Anyone I know? You know, it's just someone.
Dark hair, bright blue eyes?|You were just talking to her? I could tell 'cause you grin a lot|when you do.
- It's Lorelai.
|- It's Lorelai! Huzzah! Huzzah! I never got the whole "huzzah" thing.
I am so happy for you,|you've found your T.
J.
Please, don't put it like that.
I've had dreams|about you two being together and my dreams always come true.
- Dream me a healthy spine, sweets.
|- You're not gonna be alone.
Yeah, yeah.
The necklace.
- Perfect?|- Perfect.
So, go give it to her.
- Take care, sis.
|- I love you, big brother.
Whoa.
One hug and my back would snap|in eight pieces.
Good morrow, buddy.
Huzzah! Excuse me, I'm looking for Dean.
Thanks.
We get lots of stuff from local farms,|but a lot of the time it's hard to predict|when it's gonna come in and how much of it we're gonna get.
We're kind of at the mercy of the guys of the farmers themselves,|because they sell out a lot.
But why don't you leave|your name and number when you check out,|and we'll give you a call as soon as the eggs you want|come in, okay? - Dean.
|- Hi.
- What's that?|- It's a letter for you from Rory.
What happened? Where is she? - Just take the letter.
|- She went to Europe, right? Miss Patty said she went to Europe.
|What happened? What's she doing there? Who is she with?|When's she getting back? Soon, just take it.
- Where is she?|- Europe.
- With who?|- Her grandmother.
Look, take it.
No, why did she go? I mean,|whose idea was it? - That doesn't matter.
|- It does.
Dean, please,|I'm a messenger, nothing more.
Just take it.
Onion, guacamole a little red pepper over butter lettuce|and endive.
It could be a big seller.
But, Caesar, it's not the salad.
The salad looks delicious.
|It's what you're calling it.
- Caesar's salad.
|- Right.
- So?|- There's already a caesar salad it's kind of famous.
That's "caesar salad.
"|Mine's got an apostrophe "S.
" I don't think that makes it less confusing.
Customers.
- Keep going, Zach.
|- Yeah, this is the bomb.
So, Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul|to have the kid, right? That's the slutty one, right? Not the mom? It's so confusing|'cause they're all named Mary.
She's not the mom, but she's not slutty.
That's what this dude Constantine|wanted you to believe, right? He was purging|the "E! True Hollywood Story"part of it for his own benefit.
Turned the whole thing|into "Hollywood Babylon " and chicks got the short end.
God, I just want to spend|like three straight years doing nothing but reading, you know? - What book?|- What? - You're supposed to wait to be seated.
|- Since when? Since always.
That's what they do|at Denny's, that's what we do here.
Okay, my usual table|where I always sit.
Okay, Lane? - Fine, what will you have?|- Allow me to order for you girls.
- Sure.
|- A ham sandwich for the lady on my right.
Light mustard, right, Trin? - Is that a yes, Trin?|- That's a yes.
Burger, no cheese for Cheryl.
Cheeseburger for me and go ahead|and shoot everybody here some fries.
Free fries are for friends|and family only, sorry.
- Another new rule?|- Nope, old.
Old as Moses.
Okay, just bring me my order|and we'll all share.
- Sorry, no.
|- What? You get free fries, you have to eat them.
- I can't share my own fries?|- That's right.
- That's bogus.
|- Tough.
They're for you, not these girls.
They're to be consumed by you,|and you alone.
I don't believe this.
I'll be watching to see if you share,|so don't get any big ideas.
Just forget about it, okay?|We'll go to Al's Pancake World.
- Fine.
Go.
|- We are.
- Good.
|- Come on, girls.
- Hey.
|- What? - Sorry, we didn't know.
|- Know what? Know what? - So|- So, this is nice.
- Being away from the Inn for a whole day.
|- You get some perspective.
Just looking at something|other than those same stupid walls.
- What a relief.
|- It all falls away.
My meat guy better not screw me|like he did yesterday.
Oh, my God, the gutters.
|That's what I forgot.
I told Steve that if he doesn't|relieve Norm by 3:00- Did I tell Michel to have the guy check|all the radiators or just the one- No, I did.
- Now it's falling away.
|- It's starting to.
I hate you, Dean, I hate everything! - Let's just talk.
|- I don't wanna talk, I don't want you here.
- I'm sorry, okay?|- You're sorry? Oh, my God.
- You've got my-|- Don't you dare! That's what happens|when you get married too young.
- Yeah, that must be it.
|- This is juicy.
I usually only get to hear about|these things.
I never get to see them.
Lucky us, come on.
I hate you, Dean.
But you definitely prepped|the sauce for the duck? Because the duck without the sauce|is a duck that we can't use.
The sauce has to be prepped early.
|I know you said it, say it again.
Stop saying, "Let it go.
" John, stop it.
Stop it! I am letting it go.
I just need you to assure me|that everything's getting done so that I know I can fully let it go.
- Hello?|- Kitchen! I am hanging up, but I am not letting it go.
- Mom.
|- My traveler.
- I missed you.
|- I missed you, too.
- Sookie.
|- You remember who I am.
- Hello.
|- Hi.
Hello, Lorelai.
Hello, Sookie.
- Hi, Emily.
|- Hi, Mom.
Don't, I smell like airplane.
- I guess I should go get my bags.
|- Rory, you do not touch bags.
- I thought that was just a Europe thing.
|- The driver's bringing them in.
We had such a trip.
Rory will fill you in.
|Spare her the more salacious aspects.
- Salacious aspects?|- Those European men young, old, in between,|they saw us coming.
- They saw you coming where?|- We were like magnets, such high libidos.
You weren't walking around|wearing your "hot and wealthy" sandwich board,|were you, Mom? - She was very popular.
|- I should go.
I bring you back a charming, cultured,|well-mannered young lady.
- Don't undo it.
|- I will definitely try not to not undo it.
Goodbye, all.
Goodbye, Rory.
- Bye, Grandma.
|- Nope.
Airplane.
- I can take it.
Thanks, Grandma.
|- Ciao.
- Come here, you.
|- So, what are you guys doing home? We're trying to get|some distance from the Inn.
And it's going through the roof.
|Not the Inn's roof, that's solid as a rock.
You know what I mean.
|We're booked to 90% capacity.
And the restaurant,|we're turning people away.
- You know all that.
|- No, keep going.
Customers agree that, despite Michel,|we're their favorite Connecticut inn.
But that's nothing compared|to the big town news.
Wow, what? We walked past Dean's place and Lindsay was throwing|his stuff out on the street.
They were really going at it.
|It was like "Raging Bull.
" There's yelling and screaming.
Sookie, you're exploding|all over the poor girl.
Sorry.
And she's probably hungry.
|You're hungry, right, honey? I'll whip us something up.
You said you had to pick up Davey,|so we'll go out.
We'll call you later.
- Okay.
|- Okay, let's go.
Talk to you later.
See you later, Sookie.
What happened? It was unbelievable.
It was bad.
She was yelling, she was throwing things,|he was yelling, she called him a jerk.
It was very violent and very public.
|Other people saw it.
It was horrible.
- This was not supposed to happen.
|- You! You should be ashamed|of yourself for what you did.
- Just wait.
|- What did she ever do to you? How did she hurt you?|Why are you doing this? - Theresa, please, calm down.
|- Calm down? My little girl has to come home and|find your heinous letter in Dean's jacket.
- We're in the street-|- You little monster.
Pull back, lady.
There are hundreds of other boys|in the world.
Do you have to go after her husband? Stop attacking my daughter right now.
You're upset, I get it,|but you do not do this.
She slept with my son-in-law.
|She broke up a marriage.
- Are you proud?|- She did not break up a marriage.
- What do you know of this?|- Enough, I know Rory.
All I know is that now|my Lindsay is devastated Dean is back with his parents,|lives are destroyed and you and your daughter can go to hell.
Okay, I have got to know|what was in that letter.
I told him that that night was special and that I wasn't sorry that it happened.
But he's married, and he has to figure out his life.
So I was going to make it easier for him and take myself out of the mix.
- That was a very good letter.
|- I can't believe she found it.
- We can't keep standing here.
|- I know.
These streets are dangerous right now.
- Very.
|- Come on.
Anything you want, it's on me.
Pie, cake, pancakes, pan pie,|cake pan, panacockin.
Say the word or make one up, it's yours.
- Chair feels good.
|- Yeah.
A chair does feel good.
- I think a root beer might be good.
|- Root beer sounds good.
- It's on the house, so go crazy.
|- Luke.
Hey.
Hi, Rory, welcome back.
- Thanks.
|- Are you okay? You look a little pale.
You know, pale's the new tan.
|So, you're here.
- You're not a mirage.
|- I told you I was coming back But you lied to me repeatedly for weeks,|so your credibility's been shattered.
I know, it's been seven weeks.
Seven weeks.
You know, I just remembered|I have an errand to run.
Yeah? I got to go to the pharmacy.
|I'm gonna go now.
Lane's here,|she'll bring you your root beer.
Lane, I got to run down to the pharmacy,|got an errand.
- Okay.
|- So I'll just be back in a bit.
- Rory?|- Hey, you.
- You're back.
Our girl's back.
|- I know.
- We need to consult.
|- Sounds serious.
- I'm in a quandary.
|- Other people's quandaries, I'm all ears.
You know, I just remembered I have to go to Doose's|to pick something up.
- You need a banana or anything?|- I'm good.
- Are you sure?|- I'm consulting on a quandary.
Go.
Okay, I'll be right back.
So, my quandary, are you ready?|And I need honesty.
- Shoot.
|- Am I in love with Zach? What? I need to know if you think|I'm in love with Zach because a dirty trollop suggested it and they're generally reliable|about these things.
- A dirty trollop?|- She said something to me and gave me this knowing, worldly look that seemed to suggest|I was acting in a way that said I have a thing for Zach,|or she was hitting on me.
I just need to know your thought on this.
Are you listening? - There you are.
|- Hi.
So, you really ran an errand.
I didn't run an errand,|but I sort of kept up the pretense.
So I went in the pharmacy.
So I was in the pharmacy,|so I had to buy something.
I feel kind of dumb.
Yeah.
But you didn't really|have an errand, right? No, it was just getting kind of|crowded back there, you know? - Yeah.
|- So I brought you something.
My own smokes, ginchy.
That's beautiful.
I think that'll match|the earrings I got you before.
- If they don't, I'll take them back.
|- Definitely goes.
- Yeah, look at that, perfect match.
|- Perfect match.
I don't believe it.
What the hell is this? - Cider Mill.
|- For the love of - Hurry up, Michel!|- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?|- I'm enjoying the Cider Mill parade.
Such culture I've been missing|all these years.
This band, so subtle.
|Like a polo mallet hitting your head.
- Come on!|- Come on.
Don't pull, I'm fragile.
- This town-|- Is our town, this town is so glamorous.
- So, we'll hook up later, maybe.
|- We'll hook up later, definitely.
Good.
- I love the necklace.
|- Good.
Good.
I'm sorry.
Oh, no! Let me pay you.
I don't have any cash.
|Would you take an IOU? Have you been to the Dragonfly Inn?|The food is great, would you like to I know.
Do you smoke? Hi.
I hope this is okay.
I wasn't sure where to call,|and I just had to - Are you okay?|- Am I okay? Yeah, I mean, how do you feel? - I'm sorry, that's a stupid question.
|- No.
It's not a stupid question.
Let's see.
How do I feel? Actually, I feel like an idiot.
- Why?|- Why? Because I was married, Rory, married.
And I threw it all away for someone who dumped me once|and then just bailed on me.
- I didn't just bail on you.
|- I hurt everybody.
I hurt Lindsay, I hurt her parents,|I hurt my parents and now I'm back at home and you're in Europe|with your grandmother.
And what the hell was I thinking?|What am I doing? What's wrong with me? Nothing.
I got to get ready for work.
So, finish your story.
Everybody knows you|don't mess with Hay Bale Bill.
So, Hay Bale goes off|and punches the guy and it turned out to be the wrong guy all over this perceived insult|about his girlfriend's legs.
Wait, which one had hairy legs?|Annie the Grog Girl or Ocarina Jane who secretly sold pot behind|the brass-rubbing booth? - You mean "hairiest.
"|- Egads.
I'm thinking bathing-suit season|at the Renaissance Faire is only enjoyed by the blind.
I should bring steak sauce, right? - For what?|- Pizza.
- I just got back from Italy.
|- So? So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.
But this is America,|where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral|and military supremacy.
I forgot.
|Bring on the imperialistic condiments.
Do you think Annie the Grog Girl|made a pass at Luke? I'm sure he rebuffed her,|but he was there a long time.
I hope not.
I'd joust the little slut.
- So, you want to talk about-|- Something to watch? - Yes.
Something to watch.
|- You pick.
Will you be mad if it's "Showgirls" again? I got the Deluxe Edition|with shot glasses and a drinking game.
Sanctuary.
Let me show you one thing|before "Showgirls," okay? - What?|- Home movies from my trip with Grandma.
- You have home movies?|- She was in fine form.
"The" signora "distinctly wrote.
" "South rooms with a view|and close together.
" Instead of which,|she has given us north rooms without a view and a long way apart.
- She gets very British when she's abroad.
|- Yes.
Hurry and get dressed, dear or we'll miss our dinner|on top of everything else.
- And you look very innocent and pretty.
|- It was a great view.
I don't know what she was talking about.
what we were led to expect.
I thought we were going to see the Arno.
"The" signora "distinctly wrote.
" "South rooms with a view|and close together.
" Instead of which,|she has given us north rooms English