Impractical Jokers (2017) s05e02 Episode Script
You're Cut Off
Narrator: Coming up Why is q sticking it to murr? [ laughter .]
What is sal talking about? Rob slobbed On bob's cob.
[ laughter .]
Narrator: And which joker will be taking cover In tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
Prepare for something amazing.
[ horn honks .]
Hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! Larry! [ laughter .]
Today, we're teaming up as employees at unique copy center.
While working behind the counte We'll have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us.
If you refuse to do or say anything, you lose.
Copy that.
[ laughs .]
That's it.
That's your joke for the intro.
[ laughs .]
you're wasting staples.
Q: You're the copy center cut-up.
All right, dude.
Stop it.
You're wasting -- come on.
Now you're -- I'm gonna write you up.
I'm gonna write you up.
[ laughter .]
All right.
You're picking up.
Do you have the name you're picking up for? Try to get his wife's e-mail address.
Okay, uh, it needs delivered, and today's -- What's today's date? Today the 1st.
October 1st.
Uh-huh.
And then your wife's e-mail? [ q laughs .]
Wife's e-mail? Yeah, for right here.
See, phone number, name -- joshua.
Q: He's trying to slip it in.
This is the wife -- your wife's e-mail address.
Uh [bleep.]
@aol.
Com Q: He did it! Murr: Sal, tell this guy, "you know, you have a really great forehead.
" You got a -- you have a good forehead.
Really great.
Were you just -- I was just saying that to myself.
[ laughter .]
Q: This dude right here.
Hypnotize him with your jiggling.
[ q laughs .]
Joe: Just getting copies? E-mail.
Look at how stupid they look.
Try and get this guy's attention, 'cause he's not looking up.
[ laughter .]
Guys, both go in at the same time.
So he wants to copy this.
He's got four scans.
[ laughs .]
he just noticed! Okay.
Now both go to the left.
Jiggle.
And now right, jiggle.
Now back, jiggle.
And forward, jiggle.
[ laughs .]
Okay.
Joe, stand between sal and the customer, Blocking everything they do.
So, basically -- Yeah.
I'll give it a count.
How many did you get? So we're looking at 280 copies.
Do you want to just hold on for them right now? [ laughter .]
okay.
Let me just double-check that I have the right amount.
So you want 20 of each? Yeah.
Okay.
Be right back.
Can I help you? Oh, he's got you.
Okay, great.
[ both laugh .]
How's it going, bud? Oh, wow.
We can print as many as you want.
Yeah? You can do anything here, bro.
We could fax your balls if you want.
Yeah, we're able to do anything.
I mean, you can come in here, Let's say you want to fax your balls.
We can accommodate almost any request here, we'll full service.
If someone came in and wanted to, like, Fax their balls, we could do that.
Yeah, we do glossy, matte, color, Black and white, card stock.
Or if you need to facsimile your balls To someone across the country.
If someone wanted to facsimile their balls, we could do that.
[ laughs .]
Q: You laugh, but in 2004, We were kept in business by ball faxes.
You laugh, but in 2004, Most of our business came from ball facsimiles.
What? [ laughter .]
How you doing? You want to fax those nuts? [ ding! .]
Q, grab a thing of post-its and just start covering murray.
I'll be with you in one minute, one minute.
Okay.
Do I fax right here? Shh.
One minute, one minute.
I'm almost done with this customer.
Looks good.
Yeah? Just -- All right.
Yeah? The customer's always right.
Q, say "20 bucks.
That'll be 20 bucks.
" All right.
So, that's gonna be20.
Joe: Okay.
Murray, take out your wallet and pay him.
[ sal laughs .]
Walk out the store, murray.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks.
No problem, man.
See you -- see you next week.
Hi, how can I help you? [ both laugh .]
Um, I ordered my business cards.
You came here to pick it up? Yeah, yeah.
That's a nice scarf.
That is a nice scarf.
This? It's a really nice scarf.
Oh, thank you.
May I? I bought it yesterday.
May I? [ chuckling .]
yeah.
Yeah? Yeah, come on.
Sal: Oh, wow! It just looks so nice.
[ laughs .]
Goes with the outfit.
It's so soft and luscious.
Thank you.
Okay.
Okay, yes.
She's capable of lying, this woman.
You seem, um, capabl e of lying.
Oh? [ chuckles .]
Murr, murr.
"am I good-looking?" Am I good-looking? [ laughs .]
All right.
I'm cool.
Joe: Oh! Would I be the kind of guy that No? Why? You're not tall enough.
[ laughs .]
Since we're not lying to each other What about this? [ sal laughs .]
He used to have more hair.
Yeah, you want to see? You want to see? We put murray's old head shot.
This is his real head shot.
Musical theater when he was 18.
Yeah, he used to have a lot more hair.
You're killing my chances! You're killing me.
See? Yo! [ both laughing .]
Do you like regional theater? Are you a fan of regional [ both laugh .]
Your other skills including drawing, piano, Typing, baseball, basketball Sal: Look at her! Soccer, softball, ping-pong, volleyball.
What a -- you're full of [bleep.]
.
What about improvisation skills? Does that do anything for you? Do we got a shot? No.
Joe: [ laughs .]
this turned into america watching Murray crash and burn when he's hitting on a woman.
[ ding! .]
Narrator: None of the jokers ran out of ink, So they're all safe from the loser board.
All: Here we go! We're here in times square speaking to new yorkers About everything movies.
While conducting the interview, We've got to do and say what the other guys tell us.
And if you refuse any of it, you lose.
And cut! Action, joe.
And action! That's -- mm.
Hi, this is james murray, reporting for "screen gab", And I'm here with Phil.
Yeah, murr, listen.
Put that mike in your pants and interview him from there.
Start normal, and let it end up in your pants.
Can you tell me what is a sequel That you think did not hold up to the original? Ooh.
I liked "die hard 2.
" "die hard 2.
" "die hard 2.
" Get that mike lower and lower, buddy.
What is your favorite action movie of all time? Speak into the mike? Yes, please.
I would have to go with -- I like "the matrix.
" "matrix.
" "the matrix.
" the original.
Do you think "the matrix" trilogy was the best one ever? Do you enjoy keanu reeves as a performer? Yes, I do.
I -- I couldn't hear.
I'm sorry.
Into the mike.
Oh.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
[ laughter .]
And then the final question is, um Do you think the "lethal weapon" movies should be remade? Uh, they shouldn't remade because [ laughter .]
You've taken stuff out and then you add it again.
Nothing original.
Great.
Thank you so much.
And this is james murray Reporting for "screen gab" with my new friend.
[ ding! .]
So, I'm here with anthony, who just came out of the movies, And he saw "straight outta compton"? Joe, aggressively, but nonverbally Disagree with everything this guy says.
If you could take about, like, Some of your favorite movies growing up.
I guess a lot of action films, like arnold schwarzenegger, Sylvester stallone, wesley snipes.
No.
Guys like that, so, yeah.
All three of them? Those three? Yeah, that's my three.
That's my top three.
Sal: He's losing his mind out there.
Yeah.
Okay.
And what would you say for heartthrobs, like girls? What are hot actresses? Oh, I want gabrielle union.
Ah! I want gabrielle union on Monday, Halle berry on Tuesday [ laughter .]
I am here with Limo.
Limo, and Kobe.
Kobe.
So, you may or may not know from watching the show, Joe sweats a lot from his lips and chin.
So we're gonna have our friend shae Keep reaching in and drying his lips and chin.
[ laughing .]
in the middle of the interview.
In the middle of the interview.
Okay, have you been to new york before? I've been.
Okay.
Are you enjoy it so far? Yeah.
Sorry.
[ laughs .]
Do you enjoy animated films? Yeah.
Very much.
He's lying.
He watched it and told me, "ehh.
" [ laughter .]
Well, thank you so much.
For "screen gab", I'm joe, this big, sweaty mess.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
Now, what are you guys' names? My name is caroline.
I'm christine.
Smell the mike.
The -- [ sniffs .]
Oh, that's so weird.
The question for today is, Can a bad ending ruin a great movie? Yeah, I think it can.
You think it can? Yeah.
All: Smell the mike.
[ sniffs .]
[ murr laughs .]
Where you guys from originally? We're from denmark.
Sal: Smell the mike.
Denmark? [sniffs.]
[ laughter .]
"screen gab.
" what is your name? José.
José.
Try to get him in the middle of the street.
Hey, come out here, josé.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
All right.
[ horn honks .]
Keep going.
Keep going.
José: [bleep.]
! Murr: Do the interview right in the middle.
All right, today on "screen gab", We're talking with José.
And we're gonna be talking about your favorite movies.
What's one of your favorite movies? Get further out.
Get further out.
"the perks of being a wallflower.
" "the perks of being a wallflower.
" What is that about? It's about a kid that does -- what is going on? Come on.
Um, it's about a -- [ horn honks .]
[ laughs .]
This is brian quinn for "screen gab" with José.
Thank you, buddy.
[ ding! .]
Hey, this is sal vulcano reporting for "screen gab" In times square with Ulgana.
Sal, make the "she's talking too much" gesture when she answers.
Tell me about one of your favorite movies That you saw as a child.
That was a movie -- "the green mile.
" You remember the tall, black, big guy? [ murr laughs .]
I'm boring, or what? No, no, no.
[ laughs .]
It was sad in the end.
Murr, joe, and q: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He helped that guy in the -- [ laughter .]
Do you know "screen gab"? Q: Well, sal, Before you start, I want you to do some vocal warm-ups.
Okay.
Uh Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
[ joe laughs .]
Just gonna do some vocal warm-ups.
Rob slobbed On bob's cob.
[ laughter .]
Keep going, sal.
Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
Bob's cob, bob's cob.
Bob's cob.
Bob's cob.
Slobbed, slobbed, slobbed.
Bob's cob.
Okay, here we go.
I'm not doing it anymore.
[ laughter .]
Hi, this is sal vulcano for "screen gab," And I'm here with josie.
Quick question for you.
Quick question for you, josie.
As a man, what's your favorite movie? [ laughter .]
As a Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.
As a -- as a -- as a -- As a strong, fierce woman, What is a movie that inspires you? [ buzzer .]
Narrator: This story has no happy ending for sal, So he's first up on the loser board.
Today, we're at the staten island ferry Trying to get people to join our protest.
But we don't know what we're protesting Because the signs have been made by the other guys.
The goal is to get a stranger to grab a sign And join your ridiculous protest.
Your line, sal.
What are you, protesting? [ laughs .]
Narrator: It's joe and sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
Just a guy out here with a cause, fellas.
Do what you can to make a difference In this cold, unforgiving world.
"impeach general tso.
" [ laughter .]
Sal: General tso.
Joe, you take that cause and you get behind it, buddy! Tell you what, man.
General tso's got to get his ass out of office.
[ q chuckles .]
Let's impeach general tso, everyone! The region's in shambles.
He's got no backbone.
The man's a chicken.
Impeach general tso.
I'm just trying to raise awareness about general tso And the injustice in the mongolian region.
Yeah.
It's a real beefy region.
[ laughter .]
You know, he shouldn't be in office.
Him and his running mate, they were a bad combination.
They were like combination number 2.
This is just pun-tastic.
Chinese food puns.
He got rid of the low-income housing down on main street And we need that lo mein.
[ laughter .]
He caused all sorts of problems.
About a half hour later, he does it again.
[ q laughing .]
You want to just help me out and just carry a sign? I got two here.
Oh.
He gives millions of people heartburn every year! [ buzzer .]
Let's see what my fate is.
It's an important cause, bud.
What the [bleep.]
does this mean? "don't stop letting people not help"? I mean, we wrote the sign, and I don't even know what it means.
Yeah.
You want to let people continue to not help anybody? Murr: Don't stop.
You shouldn't stop.
No, this is a good thing.
No, it's a bad thing.
Don't stop letting people not help.
No, no, no, no.
People that don't help.
You should not stop people who don't help.
Sal: No, okay, so look down here.
You have people that don't help, right? Then you have "stop people that don't help.
" That's good.
No, don't stop the people from not helping Is the thing, right? You -- is this good or bad? I don't know.
Don't stop letting people not help! [ laughter .]
People who do not help Do not need you to stop them from trying to not help! I cannot express this any clearer! [ laughs .]
I think my message Is a little not as clear as I had hoped.
"don't stop letting people not help.
" Too many negatives.
So if you strip away the double negative, So "stop letting people help.
" Oh, wow.
I just amazed myself.
[ laughter .]
So this sign is not good.
Nevertheless, I have to get someone to help me.
So, are you not going to help me? No, we're not gonna help you.
Oh, I can't stop you.
[ buzzer .]
Narrator: Sal can protest all he wants, But he's still tonight's big loser.
Hey, sal's our loser, and it's five o'clock somewhere, So that means it's time for your punishment.
We brought you to the cheers ny beverage festival, my friend.
Okay.
And I have to, what? Tend bar? Actually, the opposite of that.
These people have paid top dollar To sample unlimited amounts of liquor.
You have to cut them off.
Cut them off.
Alcohol and aggression -- what could go wrong, man? [ laughter .]
So, we're here at a big event thrown by The brooklyn chamber of commerce That has all local alcohol vendors.
This is the biggest open bar in new york city.
That's right.
And the event just opened, so nobody's drunk.
It literally just started.
Yet Sal has to cut them off.
Sal, smell his breath.
This is incubated.
Right.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
Let's see what happens.
Oh, you've been drinking.
A little bit.
This is yours here? Yeah, yeah.
You enjoying it? Yeah, yeah.
It's good.
It's good.
Sir, you're cut off! You are cut off! I got to cut you off.
Yeah, I got to cut you off.
[ laughter .]
Throw it away.
Yeah.
[ laughter .]
Cut off.
It's in the -- it's in the garbage now.
I don't know what that was all about, but that quite unusual.
It's just -- just -- it's just a -- I just smelled beer on your breath.
Thank you, but cut off.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
.
This is [bleep.]
rough.
[ laughs .]
So, a sweet action cream ale.
Uh, what's the word I'm looking for? All: UhCut off! [ laughter .]
What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Q: Here we go, here we go.
He's got all three cups.
Murr: Throw it in, throw it in! Cut off.
[ laughter .]
Are you serious? You're all drunk, clearly.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[ laughs .]
"I paid $50 for that glass"! There is a customer service booth.
But they're not gonna help drunks like you.
But they're not gonna help three drunks, though.
[ laughter .]
No.
I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm -- [ laughter .]
I'm not drinking the beer.
I'm not the alcoholic.
[ laughter .]
Sal, call over to the customer service booth.
"hey, tony.
Three drunkies coming your way!" Tony, three drunks! What? You'll probably see three tonys.
Pick the one in the middle.
Tony's at the front door.
If you see three tonys, pick the one in the middle, ladies.
[ laughter .]
How are you? How you doing? Murr: Sal, there's a pair of scissors behind you.
Just reach down and grab it.
He's got his "all you can drink" bracelet on -- cut it off.
Uh.
Can I see the bracelet? This is the "all you can drink" bracelet? Yes.
Okay.
Uh, cut off.
Both literally and figuratively.
I think you're great.
[ laughter .]
I mean, in another life, we could probably be friends, But you're cut off right now.
Murr: "in another life"! [ laughs .]
Which one would you like? I'll get you whatever you like.
Ma'am, you're cut off.
I'll get you whatever you like, sir.
Ma'am, no, you are cut off for now.
[ laughter .]
Oh, she's cut off.
I see that you're getting frustrated.
And I understand that.
Murr: Sal, there's a hammer under the table.
Grab it and smash the cup in the pail.
Q: Oh! Sorry.
I can't let anyone use it again.
Joe: Ah! Look at her face! Look at her face.
[ laughter .]
Well, sal, you did a great job with the punishment, buddy.
Cheers.
Crack a cold one and just have a sip.
I'm -- I'm cutting myself off.
[ laughter .]
Sal's cut off! Cut off!
What is sal talking about? Rob slobbed On bob's cob.
[ laughter .]
Narrator: And which joker will be taking cover In tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
Prepare for something amazing.
[ horn honks .]
Hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! Larry! [ laughter .]
Today, we're teaming up as employees at unique copy center.
While working behind the counte We'll have to do and say whatever the other guys tell us.
If you refuse to do or say anything, you lose.
Copy that.
[ laughs .]
That's it.
That's your joke for the intro.
[ laughs .]
you're wasting staples.
Q: You're the copy center cut-up.
All right, dude.
Stop it.
You're wasting -- come on.
Now you're -- I'm gonna write you up.
I'm gonna write you up.
[ laughter .]
All right.
You're picking up.
Do you have the name you're picking up for? Try to get his wife's e-mail address.
Okay, uh, it needs delivered, and today's -- What's today's date? Today the 1st.
October 1st.
Uh-huh.
And then your wife's e-mail? [ q laughs .]
Wife's e-mail? Yeah, for right here.
See, phone number, name -- joshua.
Q: He's trying to slip it in.
This is the wife -- your wife's e-mail address.
Uh [bleep.]
@aol.
Com Q: He did it! Murr: Sal, tell this guy, "you know, you have a really great forehead.
" You got a -- you have a good forehead.
Really great.
Were you just -- I was just saying that to myself.
[ laughter .]
Q: This dude right here.
Hypnotize him with your jiggling.
[ q laughs .]
Joe: Just getting copies? E-mail.
Look at how stupid they look.
Try and get this guy's attention, 'cause he's not looking up.
[ laughter .]
Guys, both go in at the same time.
So he wants to copy this.
He's got four scans.
[ laughs .]
he just noticed! Okay.
Now both go to the left.
Jiggle.
And now right, jiggle.
Now back, jiggle.
And forward, jiggle.
[ laughs .]
Okay.
Joe, stand between sal and the customer, Blocking everything they do.
So, basically -- Yeah.
I'll give it a count.
How many did you get? So we're looking at 280 copies.
Do you want to just hold on for them right now? [ laughter .]
okay.
Let me just double-check that I have the right amount.
So you want 20 of each? Yeah.
Okay.
Be right back.
Can I help you? Oh, he's got you.
Okay, great.
[ both laugh .]
How's it going, bud? Oh, wow.
We can print as many as you want.
Yeah? You can do anything here, bro.
We could fax your balls if you want.
Yeah, we're able to do anything.
I mean, you can come in here, Let's say you want to fax your balls.
We can accommodate almost any request here, we'll full service.
If someone came in and wanted to, like, Fax their balls, we could do that.
Yeah, we do glossy, matte, color, Black and white, card stock.
Or if you need to facsimile your balls To someone across the country.
If someone wanted to facsimile their balls, we could do that.
[ laughs .]
Q: You laugh, but in 2004, We were kept in business by ball faxes.
You laugh, but in 2004, Most of our business came from ball facsimiles.
What? [ laughter .]
How you doing? You want to fax those nuts? [ ding! .]
Q, grab a thing of post-its and just start covering murray.
I'll be with you in one minute, one minute.
Okay.
Do I fax right here? Shh.
One minute, one minute.
I'm almost done with this customer.
Looks good.
Yeah? Just -- All right.
Yeah? The customer's always right.
Q, say "20 bucks.
That'll be 20 bucks.
" All right.
So, that's gonna be20.
Joe: Okay.
Murray, take out your wallet and pay him.
[ sal laughs .]
Walk out the store, murray.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks.
No problem, man.
See you -- see you next week.
Hi, how can I help you? [ both laugh .]
Um, I ordered my business cards.
You came here to pick it up? Yeah, yeah.
That's a nice scarf.
That is a nice scarf.
This? It's a really nice scarf.
Oh, thank you.
May I? I bought it yesterday.
May I? [ chuckling .]
yeah.
Yeah? Yeah, come on.
Sal: Oh, wow! It just looks so nice.
[ laughs .]
Goes with the outfit.
It's so soft and luscious.
Thank you.
Okay.
Okay, yes.
She's capable of lying, this woman.
You seem, um, capabl e of lying.
Oh? [ chuckles .]
Murr, murr.
"am I good-looking?" Am I good-looking? [ laughs .]
All right.
I'm cool.
Joe: Oh! Would I be the kind of guy that No? Why? You're not tall enough.
[ laughs .]
Since we're not lying to each other What about this? [ sal laughs .]
He used to have more hair.
Yeah, you want to see? You want to see? We put murray's old head shot.
This is his real head shot.
Musical theater when he was 18.
Yeah, he used to have a lot more hair.
You're killing my chances! You're killing me.
See? Yo! [ both laughing .]
Do you like regional theater? Are you a fan of regional [ both laugh .]
Your other skills including drawing, piano, Typing, baseball, basketball Sal: Look at her! Soccer, softball, ping-pong, volleyball.
What a -- you're full of [bleep.]
.
What about improvisation skills? Does that do anything for you? Do we got a shot? No.
Joe: [ laughs .]
this turned into america watching Murray crash and burn when he's hitting on a woman.
[ ding! .]
Narrator: None of the jokers ran out of ink, So they're all safe from the loser board.
All: Here we go! We're here in times square speaking to new yorkers About everything movies.
While conducting the interview, We've got to do and say what the other guys tell us.
And if you refuse any of it, you lose.
And cut! Action, joe.
And action! That's -- mm.
Hi, this is james murray, reporting for "screen gab", And I'm here with Phil.
Yeah, murr, listen.
Put that mike in your pants and interview him from there.
Start normal, and let it end up in your pants.
Can you tell me what is a sequel That you think did not hold up to the original? Ooh.
I liked "die hard 2.
" "die hard 2.
" "die hard 2.
" Get that mike lower and lower, buddy.
What is your favorite action movie of all time? Speak into the mike? Yes, please.
I would have to go with -- I like "the matrix.
" "matrix.
" "the matrix.
" the original.
Do you think "the matrix" trilogy was the best one ever? Do you enjoy keanu reeves as a performer? Yes, I do.
I -- I couldn't hear.
I'm sorry.
Into the mike.
Oh.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
[ laughter .]
And then the final question is, um Do you think the "lethal weapon" movies should be remade? Uh, they shouldn't remade because [ laughter .]
You've taken stuff out and then you add it again.
Nothing original.
Great.
Thank you so much.
And this is james murray Reporting for "screen gab" with my new friend.
[ ding! .]
So, I'm here with anthony, who just came out of the movies, And he saw "straight outta compton"? Joe, aggressively, but nonverbally Disagree with everything this guy says.
If you could take about, like, Some of your favorite movies growing up.
I guess a lot of action films, like arnold schwarzenegger, Sylvester stallone, wesley snipes.
No.
Guys like that, so, yeah.
All three of them? Those three? Yeah, that's my three.
That's my top three.
Sal: He's losing his mind out there.
Yeah.
Okay.
And what would you say for heartthrobs, like girls? What are hot actresses? Oh, I want gabrielle union.
Ah! I want gabrielle union on Monday, Halle berry on Tuesday [ laughter .]
I am here with Limo.
Limo, and Kobe.
Kobe.
So, you may or may not know from watching the show, Joe sweats a lot from his lips and chin.
So we're gonna have our friend shae Keep reaching in and drying his lips and chin.
[ laughing .]
in the middle of the interview.
In the middle of the interview.
Okay, have you been to new york before? I've been.
Okay.
Are you enjoy it so far? Yeah.
Sorry.
[ laughs .]
Do you enjoy animated films? Yeah.
Very much.
He's lying.
He watched it and told me, "ehh.
" [ laughter .]
Well, thank you so much.
For "screen gab", I'm joe, this big, sweaty mess.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
Now, what are you guys' names? My name is caroline.
I'm christine.
Smell the mike.
The -- [ sniffs .]
Oh, that's so weird.
The question for today is, Can a bad ending ruin a great movie? Yeah, I think it can.
You think it can? Yeah.
All: Smell the mike.
[ sniffs .]
[ murr laughs .]
Where you guys from originally? We're from denmark.
Sal: Smell the mike.
Denmark? [sniffs.]
[ laughter .]
"screen gab.
" what is your name? José.
José.
Try to get him in the middle of the street.
Hey, come out here, josé.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
All right.
[ horn honks .]
Keep going.
Keep going.
José: [bleep.]
! Murr: Do the interview right in the middle.
All right, today on "screen gab", We're talking with José.
And we're gonna be talking about your favorite movies.
What's one of your favorite movies? Get further out.
Get further out.
"the perks of being a wallflower.
" "the perks of being a wallflower.
" What is that about? It's about a kid that does -- what is going on? Come on.
Um, it's about a -- [ horn honks .]
[ laughs .]
This is brian quinn for "screen gab" with José.
Thank you, buddy.
[ ding! .]
Hey, this is sal vulcano reporting for "screen gab" In times square with Ulgana.
Sal, make the "she's talking too much" gesture when she answers.
Tell me about one of your favorite movies That you saw as a child.
That was a movie -- "the green mile.
" You remember the tall, black, big guy? [ murr laughs .]
I'm boring, or what? No, no, no.
[ laughs .]
It was sad in the end.
Murr, joe, and q: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He helped that guy in the -- [ laughter .]
Do you know "screen gab"? Q: Well, sal, Before you start, I want you to do some vocal warm-ups.
Okay.
Uh Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
[ joe laughs .]
Just gonna do some vocal warm-ups.
Rob slobbed On bob's cob.
[ laughter .]
Keep going, sal.
Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
Rob slobbed on bob's cob.
Bob's cob, bob's cob.
Bob's cob.
Bob's cob.
Slobbed, slobbed, slobbed.
Bob's cob.
Okay, here we go.
I'm not doing it anymore.
[ laughter .]
Hi, this is sal vulcano for "screen gab," And I'm here with josie.
Quick question for you.
Quick question for you, josie.
As a man, what's your favorite movie? [ laughter .]
As a Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.
As a -- as a -- as a -- As a strong, fierce woman, What is a movie that inspires you? [ buzzer .]
Narrator: This story has no happy ending for sal, So he's first up on the loser board.
Today, we're at the staten island ferry Trying to get people to join our protest.
But we don't know what we're protesting Because the signs have been made by the other guys.
The goal is to get a stranger to grab a sign And join your ridiculous protest.
Your line, sal.
What are you, protesting? [ laughs .]
Narrator: It's joe and sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
Just a guy out here with a cause, fellas.
Do what you can to make a difference In this cold, unforgiving world.
"impeach general tso.
" [ laughter .]
Sal: General tso.
Joe, you take that cause and you get behind it, buddy! Tell you what, man.
General tso's got to get his ass out of office.
[ q chuckles .]
Let's impeach general tso, everyone! The region's in shambles.
He's got no backbone.
The man's a chicken.
Impeach general tso.
I'm just trying to raise awareness about general tso And the injustice in the mongolian region.
Yeah.
It's a real beefy region.
[ laughter .]
You know, he shouldn't be in office.
Him and his running mate, they were a bad combination.
They were like combination number 2.
This is just pun-tastic.
Chinese food puns.
He got rid of the low-income housing down on main street And we need that lo mein.
[ laughter .]
He caused all sorts of problems.
About a half hour later, he does it again.
[ q laughing .]
You want to just help me out and just carry a sign? I got two here.
Oh.
He gives millions of people heartburn every year! [ buzzer .]
Let's see what my fate is.
It's an important cause, bud.
What the [bleep.]
does this mean? "don't stop letting people not help"? I mean, we wrote the sign, and I don't even know what it means.
Yeah.
You want to let people continue to not help anybody? Murr: Don't stop.
You shouldn't stop.
No, this is a good thing.
No, it's a bad thing.
Don't stop letting people not help.
No, no, no, no.
People that don't help.
You should not stop people who don't help.
Sal: No, okay, so look down here.
You have people that don't help, right? Then you have "stop people that don't help.
" That's good.
No, don't stop the people from not helping Is the thing, right? You -- is this good or bad? I don't know.
Don't stop letting people not help! [ laughter .]
People who do not help Do not need you to stop them from trying to not help! I cannot express this any clearer! [ laughs .]
I think my message Is a little not as clear as I had hoped.
"don't stop letting people not help.
" Too many negatives.
So if you strip away the double negative, So "stop letting people help.
" Oh, wow.
I just amazed myself.
[ laughter .]
So this sign is not good.
Nevertheless, I have to get someone to help me.
So, are you not going to help me? No, we're not gonna help you.
Oh, I can't stop you.
[ buzzer .]
Narrator: Sal can protest all he wants, But he's still tonight's big loser.
Hey, sal's our loser, and it's five o'clock somewhere, So that means it's time for your punishment.
We brought you to the cheers ny beverage festival, my friend.
Okay.
And I have to, what? Tend bar? Actually, the opposite of that.
These people have paid top dollar To sample unlimited amounts of liquor.
You have to cut them off.
Cut them off.
Alcohol and aggression -- what could go wrong, man? [ laughter .]
So, we're here at a big event thrown by The brooklyn chamber of commerce That has all local alcohol vendors.
This is the biggest open bar in new york city.
That's right.
And the event just opened, so nobody's drunk.
It literally just started.
Yet Sal has to cut them off.
Sal, smell his breath.
This is incubated.
Right.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
Let's see what happens.
Oh, you've been drinking.
A little bit.
This is yours here? Yeah, yeah.
You enjoying it? Yeah, yeah.
It's good.
It's good.
Sir, you're cut off! You are cut off! I got to cut you off.
Yeah, I got to cut you off.
[ laughter .]
Throw it away.
Yeah.
[ laughter .]
Cut off.
It's in the -- it's in the garbage now.
I don't know what that was all about, but that quite unusual.
It's just -- just -- it's just a -- I just smelled beer on your breath.
Thank you, but cut off.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
.
This is [bleep.]
rough.
[ laughs .]
So, a sweet action cream ale.
Uh, what's the word I'm looking for? All: UhCut off! [ laughter .]
What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Q: Here we go, here we go.
He's got all three cups.
Murr: Throw it in, throw it in! Cut off.
[ laughter .]
Are you serious? You're all drunk, clearly.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[ laughs .]
"I paid $50 for that glass"! There is a customer service booth.
But they're not gonna help drunks like you.
But they're not gonna help three drunks, though.
[ laughter .]
No.
I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm -- [ laughter .]
I'm not drinking the beer.
I'm not the alcoholic.
[ laughter .]
Sal, call over to the customer service booth.
"hey, tony.
Three drunkies coming your way!" Tony, three drunks! What? You'll probably see three tonys.
Pick the one in the middle.
Tony's at the front door.
If you see three tonys, pick the one in the middle, ladies.
[ laughter .]
How are you? How you doing? Murr: Sal, there's a pair of scissors behind you.
Just reach down and grab it.
He's got his "all you can drink" bracelet on -- cut it off.
Uh.
Can I see the bracelet? This is the "all you can drink" bracelet? Yes.
Okay.
Uh, cut off.
Both literally and figuratively.
I think you're great.
[ laughter .]
I mean, in another life, we could probably be friends, But you're cut off right now.
Murr: "in another life"! [ laughs .]
Which one would you like? I'll get you whatever you like.
Ma'am, you're cut off.
I'll get you whatever you like, sir.
Ma'am, no, you are cut off for now.
[ laughter .]
Oh, she's cut off.
I see that you're getting frustrated.
And I understand that.
Murr: Sal, there's a hammer under the table.
Grab it and smash the cup in the pail.
Q: Oh! Sorry.
I can't let anyone use it again.
Joe: Ah! Look at her face! Look at her face.
[ laughter .]
Well, sal, you did a great job with the punishment, buddy.
Cheers.
Crack a cold one and just have a sip.
I'm -- I'm cutting myself off.
[ laughter .]
Sal's cut off! Cut off!