Mom s05e02 Episode Script

1 Previously on Mom My mom wanted to say hi.
- Hey, it's nice to meet you.
- Get over here, you! Thank you so much for taking care of my girl.
I'm Christy, Jill's friend.
Did you ever dance at Live Nudes? I used to work there, too.
As long as you're in here, why not give it a real try? - I have tried.
- How about this time I help you? - You would do that? - We're pole pals.
Hey, great news, baby.
Christy's gonna help me get out of here so you and me can move to L.
A.
Help Natasha, and when they take Emily away from me, and that woman puts her through hell, and she gets stuck in another foster home, you can feel real proud of yourself.
You were in rehab over and over, and we never gave up on you 'cause we don't throw people away.
- Who are you? - Who are you? This is my mother with my father.
Wow, there's Grandma (whispering): with a black man.
I'm sorry, that was weird.
I don't know why I whispered.
We have black friends.
Here's the e-mail we got from a lawyer.
Are you saying you're my sister? I'm not sayin' nothin' to nobody.
Boy, this is hard to say but I guess you're probably the best people to say it to.
I've gotten to a point where I'm snorting coke every day.
- Welcome to the family! - We're here! What are you so happy about? Just look at Natasha.
I know I'm sitting here on my ass, but in a small way, I'm over there cleaning that table with her.
(drops dishes) Well, neither one of you is doing a very good job.
You go right ahead and be proud of yourself, Christy.
You've been a big help to that girl.
Thank you, Marjorie.
- Did you hear that, Mom? - (dishes clattering) Did you hear that, Christy? I like your top, Wendy.
Thank you.
Jill gave me a bunch of her clothes she can't fit int Doesn't want.
Doesn't want anymore.
Please, God, tell me it's almost 4:00.
It's 12:30.
Damn it.
Scooch.
(sighs) You probably shouldn't sit with us while you're working.
Yeah, and some kid probably shouldn't have puked up waffles on the bathroom floor.
I'm just hoping nobody slips on it.
You should be very proud.
This job sucks.
I made more stripping, and I worked the brunch shift.
Yeah, but if you were stripping, you probably wouldn't stay sober.
Was that brunch a buffet or We're not eating at a strip club, Wendy.
Why not? We ate at the gas station that you wanted to go to.
Hard work is a part of recovery.
She's right.
When I was in rehab, I spent every morning slicing up cucumbers for the spa water.
Hasn't seen many cucumbers lately.
Vomit.
Ladies room, now.
Yay, sobriety! Oh, like she never cleaned up vomit when she was stripping.
(phone chimes) Yeah, well, she better clean it quick, 'cause I gotta pee.
Hey, Christy, Ray's coming to town.
Oh, that's great.
How's your brother doing? Well, he kicked the blow three months ago, so he's probably twitchy and angry and wants everyone around him to die a slow and painful death.
Funny how you never got past that.
Wow, an unmotivated shot.
I like it.
Oh, he's such a pretty man.
Is he still a homosexual? Yeah, I don't think, when you marry a man, that's a phase.
What a waste.
Well, if I can't have him, I can sure as hell have a waffle.
Server.
(groans) No.
No beer.
Why? It's after 4:00.
My brother is newly sober.
He doesn't need to be tempted.
I'll finish it before he gets here.
- (knock on door) - CHRISTY: That's him.
Ray! - Hey, Christy.
- Get in here.
Ah.
Hey, Bonnie.
Ah.
How are you? Great.
Really great.
(belches) You remember Adam.
Of course.
What's up? Good to see you.
You look so healthy and rested.
What can I say? Sobriety suits me.
Oh.
Oh, man, when I first got sober, all I did was sleep, cry, and listen to Jewel.
I only wish I'd done it sooner.
If I'd gotten sober sooner, she wouldn't be here.
Oh, I'd be here.
I'd just be younger and taller.
Seems like it's going really well.
Yeah.
I'm going to meetings, I got a sponsor.
I even joined a sober basketball team.
We suck, but it's fun.
Really? That is not what happened to me.
You like basketball? The black part of me does.
The gay part hates it.
- No, no, I didn't mean it - I'm just messing with you.
I love sports, but I hate tiny little dogs and Halloween.
What about musicals? Oh, you gotta like some of that stuff, they kick you out.
- Halloween's a thing? - Where you been? That's gay Christmas.
Last year, I was in a bar with 300 guys dressed as Hamilton.
So, how long you in town for? Couple days.
Frog's Creek Winery is a client.
Is David with you? - David's his husband.
- Yeah, I pieced that together.
Nah, he's home binging Love It or List It.
That's a real estate makeover show.
Got that one, too.
Hey, you should come with us to our meeting tomorrow.
Ooh, you could speak.
Your story is so inspiring.
Or you could come to the Warriors game with me.
I got great seats.
Buddy of mine is Steph Curry's dentist.
Steph Curry is a famous basketball player.
Yeah, I know who she is.
And you're not staying in a hotel.
You're staying with your family.
On our lumpy couch.
Okay, but heads up, I get up at 6:00 a.
m.
to run and do yoga.
He's doing better than you.
I'm getting another beer.
(Adam and Ray laughing) Why aren't you in bed with your boyfriend? 'Cause he's busy talking to his boyfriend.
It started with basketball, now they're bonding over Mark Wahlberg movies.
Sounds like Ray's doing great.
Yeah, I don't get it.
Have you ever met anyone, anywhere, at any time that gave up cocaine that easily? - Lots of - Without prison? - My friend Jenny - Switched to meth.
- Joe - Died.
Joe died? Yeah, Super Bowl Sunday.
Ray's your brother! Be happy he's doing well.
I am happy.
I just wouldn't mind seeing some night sweats, a few days in jail, maybe a mild seizure.
(Adam and Ray laughing) All right, I've got to put a stop to this.
You're really upset that they're getting along? Apparently.
My date ready yet? You are ten years younger than me and quite good-looking Please don't refer to him as your date.
Oh, Bonnie, I'm 15 years younger than you.
Must have forgotten your sunscreen 'cause you got burned.
Yeah, that was a lot funnier in seventh grade.
Let's hit it.
Have fun.
All right.
Mwah.
Are you wearing cologne? I don't know, maybe.
You put on cologne for my brother? I put on cologne for Steph Curry.
You never know, he might jump in the stands and land in my lap.
And I'm the gay one.
Can we go, please? - Let me get my keys.
- No, I'll drive.
I got a Mercedes.
I got handicap parking.
I love this guy.
Look at 'em, they're like a '70s cop show.
ADAM: Come on, Huggy Bear.
Right behind ya, Wheels.
They are so cute.
I still say something's not right about him.
Are you kidding? He's thriving.
Nah, I'm not buying it.
You don't go right from coke fiend to (deep voice): "I get up at 6:00 a.
m.
to do yoga.
" - Well, I'm glad for him.
- Ugh, that is so you.
Come on.
Let's go to our damn meeting.
(sighs) My car or yours? Ray's.
I'll hate the world a little less in a Mercedes.
Mind slowing down? Hey, I'm going over 50 and the windows aren't rattling.
Let me have this.
(sighs) Look at the temperature control.
- We each have our own zone.
- (chuckles) I can make your zone really hot.
I'm gonna make mine really cold.
Let's see if it rains in the middle of the car.
(chuckling) Ooh, what do you think this button with the squiggly lines does? Will you look at the road?! I tell you, if I had a car like this, sobriety would be easy for me, too.
That is the stupidest thing you've ever said.
Impossible.
Check it out.
Massage seats? (soft gasp) - You feel that? - Feel it? I'm ready to turn around and straddle it.
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want I wanna, ha, I wanna, ha, I wanna, ha, I wanna, ha I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah If you wanna be my lover So, married to a guy, huh? Yep.
How is that? You know.
Marriage.
We fight over the remote just like the rest of the world.
Hmm.
Ha.
Do you guys share socks, or do you have your own? We have our own.
They get mixed up sometimes.
Good question, though.
- Okay, my turn.
- Shoot.
I'm assuming, since you're with Bonnie, everything works? Everything but the legs.
So, you're pretty much always on the bottom.
Yeah.
What do you guys do, flip a coin? You said I could drive again.
When do I get to drive again? I'm not gonna just pull over on the freeway.
(siren wailing) Or maybe I am.
I didn't think rich people got pulled over.
Any chance he's just gonna congratulate us on how well our lives have turned out? Get the registration.
(glove box opens) - Oh, no.
- Relax.
We haven't done anything wrong.
We're two law-abiding, sober women Who are carrying about $300 worth of cocaine.
Maybe it comes with the car.
Are you sure it's coke? Either that, or Ray's gonna do a teeny, tiny load of laundry.
Get rid of that.
- (knocking on window) - (gasps) Be cool.
Good evening, officer.
License and registration.
Absolutely.
This is my brother's car.
He's at a basketball game with my boyfriend.
He's in a wheelchair.
Not my brother, my boyfriend.
My-my brother's black.
I'm not saying that because you're black.
He's also gay, you might be gay.
That's not my business.
Anyway, here's the license.
That's Christy, she's my daughter.
Say hi, Christy.
Hello.
- Are you okay, ma'am? - Menopause.
Cold one second, sweating balls the next, You'll see.
Not now, not for a while.
Are you aware your driver's side taillight is out? Again, uh, my brother's car.
He's at a basketball game with my boyfriend.
I keep saying "boyfriend.
" He's really "fiancé," look.
See? - Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Be right back.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.
(exhaling): Oh, my God.
Okay, I don't want to alarm you, but I don't know where the coke went.
That is alarming.
Don't worry.
Finding drugs in the dark is, like, my superpower.
Hold on.
(sighs) Find it? Nope.
Just a big bag of pot.
(gasps) She's coming back.
- All right, ma'am.
- Oh Hello again.
Make sure your brother gets that taillight fixed.
- And you ladies have a good night.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank you! - Too many thank yous.
Thank you.
(both sigh) Okay.
Your turn to drive.
What happened to us? We used to smuggle suitcases of this stuff without breaking a sweat.
Mm.
We've gone soft.
We're worse than soft.
We're civilians.
You shut your mouth.
I'm not even a little bit tempted to use it.
Mm.
I'm a little tempted to sell it.
Something about that comforts me.
(door opens) - (both laughing) - Crazy.
Hey.
Adam bought me a shirt! - Something wrong? - Very.
Something I did? - No.
- Great.
Good luck, buddy.
- What's up? - You tell us.
- What's that? - Oh, come on, Ray.
- We found it in your car.
- What were you doing in my car? I'm asking the questions here.
So why does a guy who's been sober three months have coke and weed in his car? I must've just forgot about it.
Oh, because that's a thing that happens.
Nobody forgets about three grams of blow.
Unless they've smoked a giant bag of weed.
Come on, admit it, you're still getting high.
Occasionally.
In the last three months, did you go to any meetings? Yeah.
A few.
And I realized I don't have a problem.
- Have you gone - I don't have a problem.
I just didn't tell you because I knew you'd overreact.
Does David know you're still using? - Yeah.
- And? David and I are on a break.
Well, guess what, buddy, if you want to keep using, we're gonna be on a break, too.
Listen to you.
Straight up Marjorie.
Yeah.
Could the day get any worse? (sighs) This brings back memories, doesn't it? Yeah.
You can almost hear the cops banging on the door.
(chuckles) Dogs barking, helicopters circling overhead.
There were never helicopters.
You were just really high.
- Mm.
#Sad.
- (toilet flushes) There's gonna be a party in Fish Town tonight.
Okay, so tomorrow, we'll take Ray to a meeting.
- In his car.
- And I'll drive.
Not happening.
(water bubbling) Uh-oh, the drugs are coming back.
How about that.
After all these years, the toilet's finally throwing up on us.
Hey.
Uh, hey.
Want some coffee? Uh, you know, I'm gonna pass.
I got to head out.
Oh, really? Thought we were gonna have that hot sauce eating contest.
Rain check.
Listen, I don't want to wake up Bonnie and Christy.
Would you thank them for me? Uh, sure, but, uh, what's the rush? I just got to go.
Okay.
Call me.
(door closes) - Where's Ray? - He left.
What? We're supposed to go to a meeting.
I don't know what to tell you, Bonnie.
He's gone.
- Who's gone? - Ray.
- Gone gone? - Yeah, he took his bag.
- (sighing): Oh, damn it.
- Yeah.
I thought of trying to talk him into staying, but didn't really know what to say to him.
There's nothing you could've said.
I had a gay black friend.
That was gonna be my thing this year.
Hey, Natasha.
Used to the new job? No.
You know what's more disgusting than the food people leave behind on their plates? Having to pick through that food to find some stupid kid's retainer.
Oh! I always used to lose my retainer.
Then my mom gave me a little plastic bag - to put it in when I was - What is wrong with you? Don't take it personally, she's still pretty raw.
I'm with Natasha, that story was going nowhere.
- Have you guys heard from Ray? - Nope.
I talked to his husband, but they haven't spoken in weeks.
He did say Ray lost his job, and owes money all over the place.
You forget how hard it is to get sober.
I'm afraid the next time we hear from him, he's gonna be in jail.
Or worse.
Well, not everybody makes it.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Sure.
Mm.
She got ketchup on your shoulder.