Spin City s05e02 Episode Script

Judging from this resumé, you might be overqualified to be my assistant.
Two years at Smith Barney, fluent in Spanish very impressive.
Gracias.
Now I know you're not lying.
What were we talkin' about? Uh There's a sign-in sheet.
Does anybody here n dot their I's with little hearts? "University of Hawaii" were you there two years or four? Don't tell me that's a 4-year tan.
Charlie What is going on here? Well, I-I'm supposed to hire us an assistant, and I'm interviewing miss January? Caitlin, these are all very qualified candidates.
Don't hate them because they're beautiful.
That's a shampoo commercial.
Does that make it wrong? "Do you work out?" He's already asked that.
Good memory We'll we'll be in touch.
Thank you.
Was that necessary? One of miss January's turnoffs is rude people.
Look, if you don't trust my instincts, why don't you be the one to pick our assistant? Fine.
Fine.
Can I still interview the twins? We got a lot of stuff to get through today, soLet's get started.
Shouldn't we wait for Stuart and Carter? We can go.
They'll catch up.
Yeah.
Why not? The big guns are here the brain trust the power brokers that run this city.
Okay, Paul, why don't you get us started? I got nothin'.
Good morning, everyone.
Listen, I'm on my way to the morning briefing.
Did we decide how we were going to allocate the funds from the mta surplus to the housing-finance referendum, or do you just want me to wing it? No, no we have the numbers.
Whoa! I was way off.
Oh, sir, the tourist board came up with a new city slogan.
Did they pick mine "I reall love New York"? They went with "smile, New York," which narrowly beat out the second choice, "what are you lookin' at?" We set up a photo shoot for you.
Your face will be on subways, bus stops, an 8-story building.
That's impossible.
I'm not taking any photos.
Sir, we've talked about this.
Photos do not steal a part of your soul.
You see this crack in my tooth here? Hmm? No.
No.
Well, it's there, and it's hideous, and on the side of an 8-story building, this crack would be the size of a mid-size sedan.
Sir, the press conference is tomorrow.
There's time to get you to a dentist.
I could set you up with my guy yevgeny.
No offense, but I don't like having my dental work done in a van.
Besides, I've already got someone Dr.
marsh laughlin.
He's been my dentist for 50 years.
Yeah, but can he give you a root canal on the ride to the airport? Thank you, Blake.
My God, he's pretty! Who was that? Oh, that was our new assistant Blake.
That was fast.
What did you do, call the chippendales temp pool? I thought I told you about him.
No.
No, you must have forgotten to do that while you were staring at his ass.
Please, I hired Blake strictly based on his qualifications.
Not on his looks? No.
Why? You think he's good-looking? Oh, for God's sake, open your eyes the man's delicious.
Look at this! The messenger's bike is in our spot again.
That's the fourth time this week.
Take it out.
What?! I'm not movin' it again.
Take it out! I'm as annoyed as you are, but violence is not the answer.
I know how to handle this.
I'll compose a strongly worded note.
Like they say, "the pen is gayer than the sword.
" "Dear cyclist, "it is with great sadness that I find myself pushed to the point of note-writing.
" Easy, Carter.
You don't want to make him cry.
You're right.
"Great sadness" is too strong.
"It is with some sadness" oh! What? Hey, this is Blake.
I'm not home right now.
I'm at work, leaving a message on my machine.
Wait a minute! Uh, Blake, could you get me some coffee, please? Absolutely.
It's the dark, hot liquid.
You know, you have done exactly what you accused me of doing hiring based on looks.
I'll have you know, he comes with great recommendations.
From who, his trainer? Aw, is someone worried that he's not the cutest boy in the office anymore? You know, maybe a little less time worrying about Blake and a little more time doing crunches.
She didn't mean it.
So, uh, I take it you work out? Nah, I like to look more natural.
You and me both.
You know, we have a mentoring program here.
I'd like to take you under my wing.
You know, I look at you, and, uh I see myself 10 years ago.
What happened? You know, Charlie, I've been comin' to old doc marsh since 1952.
I think that's the last year he bought medical equipment.
Yeah, they don't make 'em like they used to.
"This degree certifies that Dr.
marsh laughlin is licensed to use ether in all 48 states.
" You know, Mike used to love coming here with me.
I hope you're having fun.
Oh, yeah, I just wish we could have saved it for the weekend.
Little Randall Winston! Good to see you.
Good to see you.
So, is it the big-boy chair today or the racecar? Big-boy chair.
Hi, I'm Charlie.
I'm the deputy mayor.
There's a slight chip in his front tooth maybe a porcelain glaze something simple.
You a dentist? DependsYou a single gal who likes 'em? Obviously you've heard that one.
Why don't you park it over there? I've counted those magazines.
Would you like some of the usual to take the edge off? You're not gonna bleed him, are you? Now, sit back, young prince, and take heed, for this is the tale of Mickey the molar and his trusty steed.
Sir Shh! You're ruining it.
Long ago, in a far-off land, Mickey awoke, toothbrush in hand.
Hey, doc! Where's the ether? I can't believe this! We're gone for an hour, and the bike is back! Carter, when words fail, it's time for action! Aren't you fed up?! Yeah, but no "buts"! What do you feel in your gut? Anger.
What else? And and rage! Good! What are you gonna do about it?! I'm gonna run over that bike! I can't hear you! I'm gonna run over that bike!! Do it! Whoooo! Aaaahhh! How do you feel? I feel alive! I don't care what the hell paper you work for! I don't like your tone! So get out of here, buddy! Hit the bricks! Awesome! You really say stuff like that? Yeah, all the time! Now, here's what I do when a reporter gets physical two fingers unh! Right in the Adam's apple! Blake! I have been looking all over for you.
Oh, yeah, I'm in here.
Yeah, I can see that, but we need you out there.
Listen, we'll pick this up later, all right? Bring your workbook.
Paul, can you please leave Blake alone? Me-ow! He's easily distracted.
That's why I had to turn off his screen saver.
You know what? You just don't get him, and I'll tell you something else you never will.
Paul, you're acting a little strange around Blake.
If guarding the career of a promising young man is strange, then you're looking at the strangest man on the planet.
Well, I can't argue with that.
And Mickey shouts, "follow me, incisors! We'll banish lord plaque forever!" Make room for Mr.
thirsty.
I'll go dust off a crown.
You okay there, doc? Maybe you should sit down for a minute.
Hogwash! The day I sit down in the middle of an appointment is the day that I I'm very sorry about Dr.
marsh, sir.
If it's any consolation, at 2:00, they're going to stop doing suction all over Manhattan, followed by a citywide spit.
He would have loved that.
He served the people of this city for 65 years, as a competent dentist.
And his last act was to fix your tooth for our "smile, New York" campaign.
His legacy lives on in your smile.
Yeah, I guess it does.
What a meeting! I was on fire! The police commissioner was howling every time I opened my mouth.
Yes, sir, I never realized how funny homicide rates could be.
Now, sir, about this "smile, New York" campaign oh, very excited about it let's get smiling, New York! Sir, I think we need to get you to a dentist.
I'm not seeing a dentist.
Marsh was my dentist, and I've always been loyal to him.
You know, I remember when that was considered a virtue.
Sir, we just want you to look good for the picture, and right now, you don't look as Delicious as you could.
Paul, be honest how do I look? Flawless, sir! Never better.
Thank you, Paul.
You betcha.
Ever since I ran over that bike I'm like a new man I'm strong! You should have been running over bikes years ago.
All my life, I was always the nice guy, and people took advantage, but no more! From now on, Carter Heywood gets nothing but respect.
Morning, Carlos.
Hey! It's Carter.
For the hundredth time, it's Carter Heywood.
I'm the head of minority affairs.
Learn my name! Is that so hard?! I think he was talking to Carlos.
Carlos That sounds pretty close to Carter a little too close.
From now on, su nombre es reynaldo, ¿comprende? Anyone else want their name changed? I didn't think so.
Hey! How's it going? I think I've come up with a solution to the mayor problem.
It involves a horse tranquilizer, and you dressing up as a saucy hygienist.
Now, hear me out, 'cause there's a catch.
We have another problem Blake is completely incompetent.
You have to fire him.
Me?! Why don't you fire him? Well, I would, but it might be awkward because I'm spearheading his going-away party.
Fine, I'll fire him, but you have to admit that you hired him based on his looks.
Will a shallow victory like that really make you feel better about yourself? I don't know, Caitlin.
Maybe if I had tighter abs I'd be more secure, and I wouldn't need it.
Fine you win.
His looks may have clouded my judgment.
Now fire his hot, sculpted ass! You think he sees it coming? I don't think Blake sees anything coming.
Okay, ladiesBack to work.
No! Spf-9 In August?! Ha ha ha ha! Hey, Charlie.
I gotta talk to Blake.
All right, don't get pushy.
my office.
Ladies, ladies, just 'cause Blake is gone doesn't mean the party has to end.
We'll talk later all right.
Blake, working in an office like this can be very difficult.
Oh, don't give up, bro you're doin' fine.
How do I put this delicately? As great as it is to have you here, it would be even greater to not have you here.
Charlie, I forgot to am I interrupting? No, no, I was just telling Blake that we have to let him go.
Just like that?! Wow, I-I never saw that coming! It's a shock to all of us.
Well, the least we could do is throw a going-away party.
It's kind of last-minute, but I can probably pull something together.
Here's a flier.
Sir? Can I talk to you for a second? Sure, as long as it's not about seeing a dentist.
Who's he? He's Ian TheBudget analyst.
What's in the bag? BudgetTools.
Look, sir, there's gonna be a lot of numbers coming your way, so why don't you lean back, relax, take your shoes off.
All right.
Say "ahhh.
" Let's take a look at the next fiscal quarter.
Wow, you take your numbers seriously.
Why does the budget analyst have his hands in my mouth? Sir don't "sir" me! The man's a dentist! I don't believe this! I specifically told you that this issue was closed! I'm just trying to help.
By trying to trick me? I know you haven't been in city hall that long, but that's not how things work around here.
Mike never tricked you? No, he never did.
Oh, sure, he occasionally hid the truth to manipulate me into doing things I didn't want to do, but he never tricked me! Sir, I'm not trying to sell you a used car here.
I'm just trying to help you.
You need to see a dentist.
My dentistls gone.
All the people that I care about are gone Dr.
marshMike.
Everything'sChanging.
So, then, you just tell that goon squad of yours to keep their hands out of my mouth once and for all.
I am not a child, and I won't be treated like one.
Sir, you forgot your shoes.
I don't care.
Charlie Why is the mayor running around in his socks? I had a dentist pose as the budget analyst to try to trick him into having his tooth fixed.
And that plan didn't work? I am a political strategist, not a therapist.
The mayor's looking for someone to hold his hand, and I'm just not very good at that.
So you're feeling frustrated right now a little hurt taken advantage of? Yes.
You are such a girl! This guy's personal problems are really interfering with my job.
His personal problems ar your job.
Running a city isn't just policy.
It's about feelings.
I tried it didn't work out.
The mayor's on his own here.
And while we're on the subject of feelings, that girl thing that really hurt.
It's crowded in there.
Are you sure you don't want to reschedule? Absolutely not! Why would I? No reason, sir.
Paul, you're my most trusted advisor, and right now I don't need a yes man.
I need your honest opinion.
Do I look okay? Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today, ironically, to smile.
Why is it ironic? I'll tell you because today, one of the best young assistants I ever had was summarily dis Paul! Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor.
Where's Charlie? I don't know.
Well, New York, let's get smilin'! Over here! Over here! Over here! Smile! Over here! Mr.
mayor! Excuse me.
Mr.
mayor, show New York what you got smile! Charlie, what am I gonna do? I should have gone to the dentist.
Good idea, sir.
I wish we'd had it sooner.
Wait here.
Folks, the mayor has an idea for a different kind of photo shoot one that celebrates the distinctive character of this great city in all of its diversity and its imperfections.
And with that in mind Gentlemen.
Now, smile, New York.
Try to relax, sir.
Don't be alarmed by the sanitary precautions.
I just want to say that if I don't pull through this, I appreciate everything you did for me back at that press conference.
Anytime, sir, and actually, the fatality rate for tooth-capping is very low.
Same for bear attacks But they still happen.
I ca no, I can't do this.
One second.
Everything's gonna be okay, sir.
Just relax, sit back.
Sit bac young prince and take heed For this is the tale of Mickey the molar And his trusty steed.
Go on.
W-well, Mickey had been out late the night before with a stewardess, a nurse And zsa zsa gabor.
Ooh, a twist.
Go get 'em, Mickey.
You ran over my bike! What was your bike doin' in my spot? I came here to thank the mayor for funding my project.
I deliver hot meals for the aged and infirm, but now, I guess I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'll buy you a new bike.
Let me get my checkbook.
Thanks, grandma.
Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.