The F Word (2017) s05e02 Episode Script
Season 5, Episode 2
and the F Word's maitre d', Jean Baptiste, we checked out the places you love to eat.
All three of us are searching across the country, high and low, to put these restaurants under scrutiny.
We've had 10,000 nominations, but there can only be one winner.
Who will be crowned the F Word's best local restaurant? Tonight, our competition continues with one of the nation's favourites - Indian.
Curry Corner from Cheltenham and Lasan in Birmingham will be battling it out in the F Word kitchen.
Serving samosas, monkfish and saffron cream curry verses sea bass in a Bengali fresh broth.
And poached pears with mint and cardamom custard.
Plus I'm off to Scotland on the ultimate Indian stag do.
Safety off.
Venison masala is on the menu.
In the recipe challenge, Lenny Henry demands some unusual ingredients.
Put your willy on this block and let's make toast.
Janet's mixed grill continues to grow.
Oh my God.
It's like a coat of pubic hair! Welcome to the F Word kitchen.
How are you feeling? Very good.
Fine, thank you.
What's the secret? What you gonna do different? We're going to do everything perfectly.
We're going to do everything perfectly.
Everything perfectly? Yes, chef.
Yes, chef.
Glad to hear it.
How are you? I'm very excited.
I want to serve my customers.
Only one of you can walk out a winner.
Yes, chef.
You're here because you're the best.
You've got to prove it.
Curry Corner from Cheltenham and Lasan from Birmingham are our top two Indian contenders.
Here's how I found them.
We're a nation of curry fans.
It's one of Britain's favourite dishes and you nominated hundreds of Indian restaurants.
But we could only choose two to compete in the F Word kitchen.
The search took us all over Britain.
Determined to find the very best, we went to visit your culinary heroes.
From Nottingham to Portsmouth, London to Tamworth, Southampton to Leeds.
All of these things have definite flavours.
It's absolutely delicious.
We tasted food fit for the Maharaja.
But sometimes the surroundings weren't so impressive.
I hope the food's good.
The decor's shocking.
I feel like I'm in Pete Docherty's bathroom.
This is proper authentic Indian food.
Served inside a cafe with cafe prices.
The food is delicious.
It looks as if this menu's been sitting here for ages.
It's absolutely disgusting.
After months of whittling down the nominations, we finally found two outstanding restaurants.
Curry Corner in Cheltenham gave us a fantastically warm welcome.
Nestling in the heart of the Cotswolds, it's one of the oldest Bangladeshi restaurants in Britain.
How are you? Good to see you.
What a lovely place.
Head chef Shamsul Krori is still going strong at 59.
Helped in the kitchen by his wife, Saleha and his daughter, Monrusha.
This kitchen is minute.
You're not the head chef, are you? If I claim to be the head chef, my head would be off.
So I won't even bother.
So I won't even bother.
Right.
Good.
Mother.
You have very nice eyes.
That's why you see everything nicely.
Jesus.
People have nice eyes.
Can you leave us alone while I have a quick chat with your mother? Thank you! Talk about a proper family-run friendly business.
In the kitchen with your wife, your daughter and your son at the front of house.
He's been cooking for 42 years.
That's before I was fucking born.
Every person in this family loves food, cooks it, eats it, thinks about it every single moment.
First up, samosas.
Extraordinary food.
You'd have to travel to Bangladesh to get that flavour.
He's managed it.
Lamb shank for you, Gordon.
The lamb shank slides down the bone.
It's cooked perfectly.
I haven't tasted it yet, but you can just tell.
That is fucking amazing.
It would be an absolute dream come true to win the F Word Best Local Restaurant.
It would mean the world to us.
I'm hoping we're going to win.
Thank you for that.
My problem is that this is a tough category because there are amazing Indian restaurants across the country.
Sadly, the bad news is there is only two restaurants that can go through to the F Word restaurants.
Congratulations, you're one.
Oh, my God! Next time, it will be the F Word restaurant for 50 diners.
Trust me.
They're tough cookies.
Congratulations.
See you in London.
Definitely the right decision.
No doubt.
This place is unique.
It's refined.
They've managed to focus on flavour.
Gordon's expecting great things from us.
We hope we can deliver.
Oh, yes, you don't worry.
OK.
So, Curry Corner from Cheltenham is through.
In a group with such high standards, we found a brilliant and worthy opponent.
Lasan in Birmingham.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Stunningly stylish, Lasan is a city centre favourite.
Head chef Aktar Islam was just 22 when he opened the restaurant with his best friend Jabbar.
The young guns from the Midlands are determined to be different with cutting edge cuisine.
For Birmingham, we were the first restaurant to break away from the mainstream and offer alternatives to baltis and masalas.
That's exquisitely presented.
Finesse.
Very competitive.
We've set out to be number one and hopefully one day we'll make it.
Chicken, thank you.
Wow, with fried ginger.
Mm.
What's the ambition? It's not food for people who haven't got an educated palette.
It's a sophisticated cuisine.
I haven't come across Indian cuisine anywhere with fried leeks, sun dried tomatoes.
Fried ginger.
That's fried in the oven.
Everything that goes into the actual food itself, that is as authentic.
We're trying to bring the food forward a bit.
You're looking for a Michelin star? I'm hoping to get a Michelin star.
Yeah.
That's the plan.
I love his arrogance because he's very similar to myself 15 years ago.
The biggest problem you have today is that you're trying too hard.
The arrogance verses the confidence.
You've got a little bit of me in there.
And you know, there's only two restaurants that can go through and cook in the F Word.
You're one of them.
Congratulations.
Chef, thank you very much.
I do want to kiss you! Woo! We done it! It's amazing.
It's probably the biggest thing that has ever happened to any of us.
I think I've made the right decision at Lasan.
One hell of a cocky chef, young but bloody talented.
So, I found my top two Indian restaurants.
Will the F Word diners prefer Curry Corner's traditional charm or Lasan's modern take on Indian food? Who will be crowned the F Word's Best Local Indian Restaurant? We're about to find out.
Both teams will cook 25 portions of the starters and make sure those customers pay for your food.
Right.
Yes.
Excited? Yes, chef.
Let's go.
On to your stations.
Ready for the starters.
Next on the menu, I'm up before dawn on a mission to bag a deer for my venison masala.
Are you ready? I was born ready.
In the recipe challenge, a jealous Lenny Henry squares up for a fight.
You had a snog with my wife.
R-r-argh! We're back in London at the F Word restaurant.
Tonight is Indian night.
The value of the Indian food market in Britain is around 500 million.
Who does it best? We've searched the country and found the top two local Indian restaurants.
Lasan in Birmingham and Curry Corner in Cheltenham.
First couple of tables coming in.
Lasan, listen up.
Four covers, Table 1.
Four lamb samosas.
Yes, chef.
Yes.
You don't have to shout for theirs.
Curry Corner listen up.
Four covers, table four, yes? Four lamb samosas.
Yes, chef.
Tonight, both brigades are kicking off with samosas.
Here's my recipe for this delicious Indian starter.
Chick pea samosas.
Delicious, simple and so straightforward.
First, the filling - vegetable oil.
Not too hot.
Don't wanna burn the spices.
Curry powder.
Garam masala.
Cumin, turmeric, fry.
Onion.
Into the spices.
Season.
Cream chilli.
It wakes everything up.
Garlic, ginger.
Next, add chick peas and peas.
Water.
Nice.
Simmer.
Lemon juice.
Lightly crush.
Cool.
Samosa dough, roll, cut out.
Take the disk and cut it in half.
Form a little cone.
Fill.
Water.
Seal.
Nip together, nice and gently.
Hot pan.
Vegetable oil.
Fry.
Salad.
Out.
Chick pea samosas with salad and raita dressing.
Done.
Guys, this is not a race.
It's a restaurant.
Aktar.
Yes, Chef? Give me time on the first four, please.
Hassan, how long? Two minutes.
Good man.
Both restaurants are cooking their own samosa recipes.
It will be interesting to see who comes out on top.
Lasan in Birmingham pride themselves on taking authentic Indian cooking in an exciting and modern direction.
It's an old boys' club and we are the new generation.
For their lamb samosa, they marinade the meat in raw papaya paste for 24 hours to make sure it's exquisitely tender.
They're using a special thin pastry call nimki.
Adding nigella seeds for an aromatic flavour.
The filling inside the samosa is The filling inside the samosa is Lamb.
That is spiced with chilli, turmeric.
Braised.
It is, but we totally evaporate the sauce.
We pound it, mix it with mint and coriander, and put into the pastry.
I think you will enjoy it.
I hope the diners like it as well.
Those first four, Aktar? Well done.
You are using a cutter for yours, yes? What is the secret behind that? The secret behind it is it will seal the pastry off.
Also, this is how it's made at home.
Family-run CurryCorner in Cheltenham have been serving their traditional home-style Indian food for 32 years.
We've got probably 100 years worth of cooking experience between all of us.
Our family is all about food.
I don't think you can beat that.
For their samosa filling, Curry Corner cook the lamb with roast spices.
Cinnamon, cardamom, bay leaves and cloves.
For their dough, they're using a light whole-wheat flour that can be rolled out into a much thinner pastry.
This recipeis my grandmother's.
Wow.
So there's a lot more home-style as opposed to Lasan? In all my cooking, in samosa, my home cooking I followed my mum's steps.
They look fast fantastic.
Away now.
Five more please.
Beautiful, well done.
Aktar, you're a modern young cook.
Does it annoy you when lager louts turn up expecting a chicken tikka masala and a beer? It does.
Is not an experience I have to endure very often.
Indian food can offer so much more why take up menu space with a tikka masala? In my kitchens I'll never serve that.
You would never serve chicken tikka masala? Never.
If you try my masala nobody make in the UK.
My masala.
You have the best masala? I challenge any chef! You challenge Aktar? Any chef.
How long have you been cooking? 41 years.
41 years.
How old are you, Aktar? I'm 29, chef.
When was the last time you ate a chicken tikka masala? Erm About 12 years ago.
Horrible.
I didn't like theamount of food colouring in there.
It wasunnatural in colour.
Do you want him toe-mail the recipe for you? More than welcome.
But itwouldn't find its way into my menu.
Aktar, I don't use any colour in my restaurant.
What colour is it? Natural colour.
What colour is it? What colour is it? The colour of curry, like a lovely orangey colour from the browning of the onions and all the rest of the masala.
You freshly grind the spices down.
In, release flavours.
It will colour up the curry naturally.
All right.
If you said it was red I would say We didn't tell you that.
That's fine.
Well done.
What I would say, when you mentionedtikka masala from Bangladesh They don't have that practice of cooking in Bangladesh.
They don't use the tandoor.
Oh, Jesus! Aktar, you know nothing about Bangladesh or India.
Let's agree to disagree.
Aktar is an Indian snob.
Yes? OK? I need two tables of four from you.
Yes, chef, it's coming.
I don't fancy my chances, chef! Oh, my God.
Everybody loves a curry.
But as Aktar would tell us, there's so much more to Indian cookery than a chicken tikka masala.
Over 6,000 Indian restaurants in the UK serve three million happy customers a week.
The vast majority of dishesthey offer are either chicken or lamb.
It's all delicious.
But I believe with such a limited range of meats, we are missing out on a world of culinary opportunity.
To prove this I will re-create a true Indian classic using a piece of meat you won't find on your average Indian menu anywhere, venison.
It's a wonderfully rich, gamey ingredient that's a perfect match for highly spiced flavours.
I've come to Scotland in search of the finest wild deer for my delicious new dish.
One that deserves a place on any Indian menu.
Venison masala.
I'm hunting with Mobarak Jan who regularly stalks deer up here.
Most Indianrestaurants use halal meat.
I'm keen to know how wild venison can be halal.
Mo is a Muslim hunter and he will show me how he does it.
What attracted you? It's sort of the hunter gatherer kind of thing, shooting for your own food.
Taking it home, taking venison home, cooking it up and having beautiful food.
Joining us is Jim McErlean who will help us track down a deer.
If you spot one and I haven't seen it, just go, "psst.
" That's all.
Psst.
I'll hear it.
Don't point at it.
Don't point or raise any hands.
Are we ready? Let's go.
I was born ready.
But deer are elusive creatures and incredibly difficult to shoot.
What could spook him? Noise, scent.
After two hours Jim spots our first deer.
See those tall trees up there, he's just come out.
Here he comes.
He's running along the bottom.
(Fuck, I still can't see him.
) (Top left.
See him?) (Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
) Just as I'm getting ready to take the shot I lose it.
(Gordon, that deer won't be coming back now.
) (Little bastard, come back.
) (Shit.
) Next day, we set off again.
But the deer always seem to be one step ahead of us.
Finally, after several hours of hard slog, Jim spotted a roe deer.
Look, he's side on.
Come on, let's go.
(No, stay there.
) (Can't see him now.
) (He's in the dark.
) (Wait until he turns sideways.
) Safety off.
Now! Yep.
SHOT FIRES I follow up with a second shot.
He's dead.
Quite strange feeling to begin with, isn't it? Quite strange feeling to begin with, isn't it? Yes.
When you've got it in your sights your heart is beating, beating.
Absolutely.
They call it buck fever.
Then it's time for Mo to show me how he makes sure his deer is halal.
As well as saying a prayer when he pulls the trigger, he slits the throat in a special way.
What I would do to make it halal, repeat the prayer.
And that's it? That's it.
One swift back and forth.
That's the main thing with halal.
The knife has to be razor sharp.
We do it this way to get the blood out of the carcass.
So it's nice and clean.
Well done, Gordon.
It's the moment of truth.
Time for me to cook my venison masala for Mo and Jim.
I will use venison that Mo shot at the weekend.
It's been hung and chilled, and more importantly, he shot it so therefore, it's halal.
The first thing I'm gonna do is make the most amazing dry rub.
Mix cumin, fennelseeds, chilli powder, coriander seeds and chilli flakes.
Grind that down.
Nice.
Rub the spices into the meat.
Into the pan.
Nice.
Cook for about four minutes, basting continuously.
Then remove from the heat.
As it cools down in the oil, it takes on all that wonderful flavour from the spices.
For the masala sauce, grate one onion.
Season and add garam masala, turmeric, garlic and ginger.
We can make it more spicy because it's going up against the dense rich venison.
Add chillies, chopped tomatoes and a splash of water, grate a whole cauliflower and add to the mix.
The masala paste starts to absorb it.
Add chopped coriander and a squeeze of lemon.
There you go.
If that's not worth six hours pissing around in the bushes, I don't know what is! I'm keen to find out if Mo likes my venison masala.
That's good that.
You like that? That's good stuff.
That's what I want to see, thatsmile.
Everyone thinks venison's associated with posh dinners.
I've always thought it goes well with Indian spices, Indian cooking.
Quite dense, quite gamey.
Why don't they use it across Indian cuisine? It's not readily available as lamb and chicken.
There's a new business for you.
halal venison.
Last table of four.
Last table.
Aktar, you have one table of two.
Last two, yeah.
It goes out exact same as the first two, yeah? Last table.
Good.
Well done.
Well done.
I really enjoyed it.
All the flavours work together.
The meat was really tender.
The coating was nice and crispy.
It wasn't too spicy.
A nice balance.
Really flavoursome, I was really impressed.
How is he doing tonight? He's doing very well.
Are you agitated you are not in there helping him? No, leave him to it.
You had the Curry Corner samosa.
How was it? Not impressed, I'm afraid.
The approach was good.
It was authentic and how it was intended with the pastry.
Too heavy.
Too thick.
The filling wasn't flavoursome or it lacked salt and other spices.
They are getting a kicking from you! They are getting a kicking from you! They are.
Are you going to pay for it? No.
Enjoy your main courses.
Starter was great.
Soft and succulent inside.
Spices complimented each otherreally well.
The lamb was cooked really well.
Crispy pastry.
It was to die for.
Really, really good.
Nice to see you.
How are you? Welcome to F Word.
You look beautiful.
Thank you very much.
How do you think Shamsul's bearing up under pressure? Very well.
He's doing very good.
Are you a proud wife? Of course I'm proud.
Do you want to jump in there and give him a hand? No, he's all right.
He can cope.
What did you think of Lasan's samosa? The filling is OK.
But the pastry is too thin.
Too oily for me.
The most important question - are you going to pay for it tonight? No.
No.
Wow.
How was it? The samosa itself was all right.
The lamb was very well cooked.
Yes or no, are you paying for it? Yeah, I'll pay for it.
You will.
Good to see you.
So Curry Corner first.
Nice and crispy.
Pastry is fantastic.
The samosa filling I want it to be more spicy.
It's a shame cos you start cutting through the pastry and it's like, wow, crispy, delicious, blistered all over.
You get to the centre and it's not as exciting as the outside.
Aktar's.
Inside peas, braised lamb.
Wow, that's delicious.
Itdoesn't look like a classic samosa.
However, the flavour is extraordinary.
Time to get the scores.
How well do you think you did out of 25? I think very good.
Aktar? 25 out of 25.
I love your confidence.
OK, JB, let's go.
Curry Corner, first, the number of customers out of 25 that are happy to pay for your samosa is Wow 18 out of 25.
Well done.
Thanks.
Really well done.
Really good.
APPLAUSE Really good.
Feedback, please.
What was it? Too oily, the pastry.
Too oily? Lasan's, the number of customers out of 25 willing to pay for your samosas is .
.
24 out of 25.
Well done.
Really well done.
Really well done.
Fantastic.
Really good news.
Really good news.
Well done.
Now, here we go, 18 out of 25.
24 out of 25.
Two very good results.
Clear down, get ready for main course.
Let's go.
Well done.
APPLAUSE Next on the menu, Janet's mission to raise all the meat for my competition final continues and when it comes to chipolatas, size matters.
And what sex is it? I can't tell.
I don't know what I'm looking for.
It's a boy.
It's a boy.
It's got a willy.
Lenny Henry shows me his MarcoPierre White impression.
Will Curry Corner be able to come back and teach Lasan a lesson? Shamsul, you can't let this boy beat you, come on! Now, both restaurants have got to cook their main courses.
First up, Lasan.
OK, gentlemen, pan-fried fillet of bass with Bengali fish broth, please.
Lasan's fillet of seabass in Bengali fish broth is a modern Indian dish, derived from a traditional recipe.
First, Aktar heats mustard oil, add mustard seeds Just a generous pinch andwe wait for that to start popping.
.
.
curry leaves, onions and garlic, and allows to sweat.
He then adds two whole chillies, snapping them at the ends.
The seeds stay inside, we're trying to get the flavour, because we don't want to make it too hot.
Aktar adds turmeric, coriander and chilli powder.
A bit more than the coriander and three times as much as the turmeric.
Next, fish heads, full of intense flavour.
Aktar is using rui - Bengali carp which adds to the authenticity of this dish.
Then he adds tomatoes, coriander, water and simmers.
After an hour, the broth is strained.
He cooks potatos in the broth and adds lime juice.
The sea bass are seasoned with turmeric, chilli, then coated in rice flour.
It helps get the skin very crispy.
They're fried skin-side down and turned.
Pan-fried fillet of seabass in Bengali fish broth, served.
Aktar, what is the secret behind that broth? The major flavours that are coming through are the coriander, garlic and tomatoes, with a hint of chilli for a bit of a kick.
Looks very nice.
Lovely.
Aktar, from a chef to chef, I know if you don't get 15 out of 15 paying for your main course, you're going to be gutted tonight.
I'm gonna cry.
Shamsul.
You can't let this boy beat you, come on.
This is what Curry Corner have on tonight's menu.
Curry Corner's signature dish is monkfish in saffron cream curry.
First, Shamsul fries fresh garlic and ginger.
He than adds salt, cardamom pods, cloves Bay leaves.
.
.
and stirs in a whole crushed cinnamon stick.
Shamsul adds onions and red peppers with tomato puree.
Cumin, turmeric, coriander and chilli powder, measuring by eye with his 40 years of experience.
Then he lets the flavours really infuse.
Now it's fish.
Shamsul then coats the monkfish with pepper, mustard seeds, fennel seeds and ajwain, an Asian spice that tastes a lot like thyme.
He then fries the fish.
To finish the sauce, Shamsul heats a spoonful of his spice mix in a pan and adds cream.
Then milk with saffron and lime leaves, a chopped spring onion, vine tomato and fresh coriander.
Finally, he adds his monkfish, coconut milk and shredded coconut.
It's complete.
Monkfish and saffron cream curry, served.
What makes that dish stand out? The very subtle flavouring from the spices.
It's a very delicate flavour.
Aktar's broth has a strong, pungent kick to it.
Yours is very delicate.
It's very delicate because the fish is very delicate.
We need something to just lift the sweetness of the fish, which is the most important part.
Each dish is looking like the first.
Let's go.
Well done, Shamsul.
Service please, let's go.
Right.
Time to check on Janet Street-Farmer.
This year I'm challenging Janet Street-Porter to raise all the meat for the competition final at the F Word restaurant.
Last week, she started a farm with seven miniature Dexter cattle.
Look, I'm in charge now.
This week, I'm adding to Janet's challenge, with the rarest breed of pork we've ever had in the F Word kitchen, the woolly mangalitsa.
To help her choose three piglets, I've sent her to meet an old friend, pig expert, Christine Coe.
I've forgotten my wellies.
I hope they're not going to be very wet.
Is that a pig? That is a pig.
Looks like she's wearing a wig.
You're sure this pig hasn't got a toupee on? No, look, give her a stroke.
Has she got fleas? No, she'll be all right.
Mangalitsas were first bred in Hungary in the early 19th century.
Closely related to wild boar, and with a nervous temperament to match, Mangalitsas produce beautiful meat with a stronger, gamier flavour.
As the fattiest pig in the world, they're perfect for salami, cured loin and bacon.
Ooh, it's so wirey, isn't it? I know, it's wonderful.
Oh my God, it's like a coat of pubic hair.
Well, not like any pubic hair I've seen.
Anyway, enough about the sow.
It's time for Janet to meet her piglets.
This was taken a couple of weeks ago.
Eurgh There's the first one.
It looks like a little rat, doesn't it? They're so tiny when they're born.
Absolutely.
But they're straight out to the teat.
So they're highly intelligent.
They are.
They always sniff the mum's bottom, cos that's how they recognise them.
Oh, no! It's all about bottoms.
Well, I know they're going to be tasty because I've just eaten a sausage made from one of their ancestors.
Six weeks have passed, so they're ready to go to their new mum.
And Janet's three now not-so-little pigs are arriving in Yorkshire.
Sorry! Before they go into the brand-new pen, Janet needs to give them a quick health check.
Can I wear these? I'm not going to wear them, I need to be able to feel Christie, you're at one with pigs, I'm on a learning curve.
SQUEALING Oh, calm down! Now we have to try and stay very relaxed around them.
Look at it its eyes.
Nice, clear eyes.
They're not runny.
Nose not runny? Not very runny.
No, you're fine.
Trotters? Trotters look perfect.
What dinky little trotters.
Can you just have a look at the bottom to see if he's got the runs? Eurgh, how do I know? Just look and poke about a bit.
Eurgh.
Nothing.
I'm not waiting for him to have the runs.
What sex is it? What have we got underneath? Well, there's a lump.
What does that mean? Anything at the back? I can't tell, Christine, I don't know what I'm looking for.
It's a boy.
How do you know it's a boy? Cos it's got a willy.
I saw a lump! That'll do.
Oh, stand still, for God's sake.
11 kilos.
Right, meet your mate.
So that they're ready for the F Word restaurant, I need each pig to gain from 1.
5 to 2 kilos in weight each week, the equivalent of two bags of sugar.
This one's much heavier.
But you're leaning on it.
It's really important to do these checks, particularly after they've had a little bit of stress and a long journey, just to make sure they're starting off healthy.
You are now the proud owner of three of the rarest pigs in the UK.
They look fantastic.
Meet the neighbours.
Janet's chosen her pigs and cows, and all she needs now to complete her mixed grill is some chickens.
Her challenge is about to get even harder.
Janet.
Fancy meeting you here.
Really good to see you.
Now, cows last week, pigs this week.
How are they? They're fantastic.
They're so lively.
I picked a special breed of pig, mangalitsa pig.
Do you like them? Yeah.
I like their hair.
Oh, really? Blonde.
Bit pubic.
More sort of the Grecian 2000, greyish, as opposed to blonde.
No, it's like your hair but a bit curly.
OK.
That's why you picked them, isn't it? So I'vegot pubes on top of my head? You had trouble finding their penises as well? That is the kind of thing you're obsessed with.
I'm not.
Let me tell you Has it been a problem for you in the past?! In my journey through life, I've never been obsessed with searching for penises.
Funnily enough, I know where they are.
If it's not worth finding .
.
It's not worth having.
Really good to see you.
Please look after my animals.
Safe trip back to the farm.
Every time I comb their hair, I'll be thinking of you.
(CACKLES) Guys, you're the best restaurants, so prove it, yes? You won't get another chance, so make it count.
The seabass was pan-fried to perfection.
It was really lovely in the broth.
It was absolutely perfect.
The seabass was quite lively.
I think it was quite a modern take on Indian cuisine.
Everything together complimented each other.
It was beautiful.
I would definitely pay for it.
The seabass I like very much.
But this dish, I find it's too hot for me.
Oh, the monkfish was amazing.
The flavours really worked and it wasn't too rich.
It was really beautiful.
The monkfish, it was quite tough.
And I think the spices, there was no kick to the dish.
Right, so Lasan's seabass looks amazing in terms of presentation.
Yeah.
It's bold, but it's incredibly delicious.
That broth is very, very rich and that wakes up the seabass.
Very good.
Curry Corner's monkfish looks more traditional.
It's very delicate.
I like it, but it's not spicy enough.
That needs to be a little bit more aggressive in terms of flavour.
The seabass for me, the broth seals it.
Let's find out how you did.
Out of 50, take an educated guess? What shall we say? No, I can't Sorry.
Don't know.
35? 35 out of 50? Aktar, out of 50, how well do you think that seabass went down? I'm hoping we will be in the high 40s, fingers crossed.
OK, Lasan, let's do you first.
The number of customers happy to pay for your seabass out of 50 is 40 out of 50.
Well done.
Really well done.
40 out of 50.
That's good.
Really well done.
40 out of 50.
That's good.
So, JB, ten customers didn't pay for the sea bass.
Why? Too spicy.
40 out of 50, bloody good.
Right, Curry Corner, the number of customers willing to pay for your monkfish out of 50 is .
.
27 out of 50.
Damn, that's tough.
23 customers out of 50 not happy to pay.
Why not? Too bland.
And the fish, too rubbery as well.
And the fish being too rubbery.
OK.
Don't be disappointed.
No.
You can pull this back on dessert.
Yes? You've got to get 25 out of 25 for dessert.
You're both talented enough to do it.
Clean down, let's go.
Well done.
You never know, they might be able to turn it around.
I'm still optimistic that they will win.
He's one of Britain's most-loved comedians, is his cooking as good as his jokes? I'mabout to find out.
Ready? Yes, very excited, Very happy to be here.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) I'm going to cook some Jamaican food.
I need dumpling.
I need pumpkin.
I need yam.
Yes, chef.
What are you cooking? I'm cooking pepperpot soup.
My mum used to cook it.
It's something that Jamaicans have.
She used to serve it in a terrine for each member of the family.
It's why our family's so big.
We just go, "Come on now, the food's ready, get a spoon.
" What are you making over there? I'm going to do my childhood favourite soup, Scotch broth.
Using mutton and barley.
I don't know if you've got food like this, but it's one of those things where you miss it.
My mum passed away in 1998, so when I eat it anywhere There's a place in London called Savannah Jerk, a very good Jamaican restaurant I love going to.
And they gave it to me the other day, and I sort of burst into tears.
Really? That memorable? Well, it's one of those evocative meals, you know.
So how did Dawn and your mum get on? Really well.
They bonded straight away? Oh, yeah.
The first time Dawn came to my house, my mum used to do a cooking test with every new girlfriend.
My mum used to bring this plate of food out, like this, that was like eight feet high.
Chicken and rice and dumpling and green banana and yam and sweet potatoes.
And literally, Dawn's head was like that, over the top like that.
"Enjoy yourself, darling.
" And so, what you've got to do, you've got to show you've got some heart and eat it, you know? And she did eat it.
She passed the test.
Yeah, she passed.
How is your namby-pamby Scotch broth with barley going? This is my mother's recipe.
she'll be mortified.
I apologise.
Your mother is a fine woman.
(LAUGHS) So, Scotch broth, like Lenny I will be using mutton.
Partly cooking the mutton in a light stock for 20 minutes ao it gets really nice and tender.
Bring it to the boil and skim the top.
Vegetables - celery, carrots, swede, turnips, and then barley.
OK, what I've done, I've put the meat and the kidney beans in to boil.
It says boil.
Typical Jamaican, "Boil the meat "and the beans for 20 minutes non-stop until them done.
"Then put in the vegetables and and let them simmer.
" So I'm doing the meat bit first.
You've had some fantastic reviews for Othello.
Is Othello a character you can relate to? I can relate to him a lot, he's the only black guy in the village! One of the first schools I went to, I was one of three black kids.
If anything got stolen, they'd just go "Black kid! "Black Kid 1, get over here! Did you do this?" As you know, Dawn was a guest on the F Word, and we had the most amazing snog.
You had a snog with my wife? It was just You don't mind, do you? Yes, I do mind.
Put your willy on this block and let's make toast.
She left something.
Would you give it to her when you see her, please? Aah! A handkerchief! Very good joke, Gordon, it's not like you.
Are there any times, across the show, live, that you forget your lines? It's a live performance.
There are going to be times that your concentration might slip for a second.
Do you ever get tempted to throw in a joke, an "OK" or something? No? You can't say "OK" in the middle bloody Othello! Are you nuts! I grew up in Stratford upon Avon, the home of "Where is the handkerchief? Katanga, my friend.
" I was very tempted the other night.
I started saying something three times.
"The tyrant "the tyrant ".
.
the tyrant" And I was so tempted to go "Chaka Khan The tyrant.
" So the mutton's been cooking now for 25 minutes.
It's nice and soft.
All that fat has been removed.
Adding that into the vegetables, and then topping that up with the stock.
Barley's in, so it's just started to open up.
This is the stock that the mutton has been cooked in.
Bring it to the boil, add seasoning, turn it downand simmer.
I'm trying to make the dumplings.
I have Scotch bonnet pepper in my eyes.
I've had to take one of my contact lenses out because I'm clearly dying.
Right, now both soups have to cook for 20 minutes, then the blind tasters will pick a winner.
And I can already smell victory.
Is something burning over there? (HIGH-PITCHED) Goddamn! Goddamn! I think I put too much Scotch bonnet in there.
Next on the menu, Curry Corner have to pull out the stops to win the title of the F Word's Best Locallndian Restaurant and have a chance of a place in the final.
We are behind, but we think we can pull it back.
We can win.
And Lenny Henry suggests a new careerfor the F Word's maitre'd.
Are you doing an audition for a boy band or something? Love me for a reason Right, welcome back to the F Word.
Now Time for the results of the recipe challenge.
First, we plate up.
Ready? Mmm.
Mmm! Your's smells delicious.
Right, JBYes? Off you go.
Good luck.
Thank you, JB.
Are you doing an audition for a boy band or something? Love me for a reason Let the reason be love Bon appetit.
Thank you.
Mmm.
Spicy.
It's quite thick.
Yeah, it is.
The lamb could be a bit more tender.
It's quite nice.
It's a bit spicy.
It's quite nice.
It's a bit spicy.
The dumplings are a bit doughy.
That is really nice.
This looks nice.
Mmm.
Fresh herbs, deeper flavour.
I just had a peppercorn! I just had a peppercorn! The barley gives a lovely texture.
Right, good luck.
Good luck, good luck.
Oh, no, he's got that look about him.
OK, let's go.
How did it go down, first? They loved the fact it was very, like, homey-style.
Homey-styleVery nice Yep.
He stole it from his mother.
Right The score is? Four to one.
Four to one.
Four to one! Mm-hmm.
The winner is Yes! Yes! I liked yours, it was nice.
Perfect winter soup.
I liked yours.
Perfect winter soup.
I liked yours.
Alas, poor Lenny, I beat him well.
Well, of course you beat me(!) You're a nine Michelin-star chef, I'm like a comedian.
Get thy Shakespearean arse out of my kitchen! Yes! How competitive is he? That's bad, isn't it? Look how happy he is! Come on! Right, now it's time for dessert.
It's fantastic to spice up desserts.
This is a delicious saffron-poached pear with a cardamom custard.
First, peel your pears.
Halve.
Core.
Add 150 grams of caster sugar to boiling water.
Then a pinch of saffron.
Poach the pears for 20 minutes.
Mint and cardamom custard.
Add 300ml of milk to a saucepan.
Four crushed cardamom pods.
Slowly bring to the boil.
Sieve.
Three egg yolks.
50 grams of sugar.
Add the cardamom-infused milk.
And return to the heat.
Stir constantly and allow to thicken.
Mint.
Drain the pears.
Caster sugar.
Glaze.
That smells delicious.
Saffron-poached pear with mint and and cardamom custard.
Done.
Once you've added the sugar into this, you've got to whisk, yeah? If you leave it, OK, it goes grainy.
There you go.
Whisk, whisk, whisk.
Good, good, good.
Don't slice them too thin otherwise they'll break.
Good.
That's it.
Shamsul, I was talking to your dear lady, earlier, your wife.
She's very proud of you tonight, you know that? And Monrusha too.
She doesn't think Aktar's the man for you, by the way.
Just in case! There will be a lot of mothers who think that! (CHUCKLING) Good, good, good.
Service please.
Very nice.
That custard looks fantastic.
OK.
Well done, good.
It must be hard in Cheltenham.
Do they ask for autographs thinking you're George C Er Do they? No.
Yes, all the time! See? Easy.
OK.
How are we doing? That's it.
OK? Yes, chef.
Are we ready to go? Good.
Lovely.
Good.
Excellent.
It was marvellous.
I loved the contrast of savoury and sweet.
It was absolutely beautiful.
The crispy mint was just perfect.
It just blended everything together perfectly.
Thoroughly enjoyable.
Really enjoyed.
Very light.
Very nice.
It was light.
It was fragrant.
Generally, I really enjoyed it.
I might finish my sister's.
First off - end of the night, well done.
I think all four of you have done brilliantly well.
And you are a legend.
Thank you.
Yes? Well done.
Really well done.
OK.
Ready for the results? JB - please.
OK.
Thank you.
Curry Corner - let's start with you first, yes? The number of customers that are happy to pay, out of 25, for their dessert, is 19 out of 25.
Well done.
Really fantastic! That's great news! That means, in total, you have got 64 out of 100.
Well done.
Really well done.
Really good indeed.
OK, Lasan - this is the big moment.
It is, chef, yes.
The number of diners that are happy to pay out of 25, yeah, for your poached pears is 12 out of 25.
But there is good news.
Because you have a total of 76 out of 100.
You're the winners.
Well done.
Congratulations.
Well done.
Really well done indeed.
Well done.
Great start.
Great meal.
Mediocre ending.
Well done.
Really well done.
Well done, my darling, congratulations.
Now, all of you do me a big favour and get out of here and get yourself a lassi.
Well done.
Really well done.
Excellent.
The sensation is absolutely amazing.
I mean, we've made it so far, and to have won as well, I mean, I'm just shaking inside.
It's just So, Lasan are in first place on the F Word leaderboard.
But can they hold on to the top spot and go through to the next round? Next week, we'll be crowning the F Word's best local French restaurant.
Does your local have that special ooh-laa-laa? That's how they serve food at The Ritz.
I'll be in Paris, learning about pastry, and teaching the French a thing or two while I'm there.
It's like you're caressing a booby.
What is a booby? And Janet Street-Porter gives birth There's a leg.
I have a leg out.
.
.
as the final ingredient for her mixed grill arrives.
That's it! It looks knackered.
Thank you for watching.
To cook the recipes, or find out about the nominated restaurants, visit the F Word website.
Good night.
All three of us are searching across the country, high and low, to put these restaurants under scrutiny.
We've had 10,000 nominations, but there can only be one winner.
Who will be crowned the F Word's best local restaurant? Tonight, our competition continues with one of the nation's favourites - Indian.
Curry Corner from Cheltenham and Lasan in Birmingham will be battling it out in the F Word kitchen.
Serving samosas, monkfish and saffron cream curry verses sea bass in a Bengali fresh broth.
And poached pears with mint and cardamom custard.
Plus I'm off to Scotland on the ultimate Indian stag do.
Safety off.
Venison masala is on the menu.
In the recipe challenge, Lenny Henry demands some unusual ingredients.
Put your willy on this block and let's make toast.
Janet's mixed grill continues to grow.
Oh my God.
It's like a coat of pubic hair! Welcome to the F Word kitchen.
How are you feeling? Very good.
Fine, thank you.
What's the secret? What you gonna do different? We're going to do everything perfectly.
We're going to do everything perfectly.
Everything perfectly? Yes, chef.
Yes, chef.
Glad to hear it.
How are you? I'm very excited.
I want to serve my customers.
Only one of you can walk out a winner.
Yes, chef.
You're here because you're the best.
You've got to prove it.
Curry Corner from Cheltenham and Lasan from Birmingham are our top two Indian contenders.
Here's how I found them.
We're a nation of curry fans.
It's one of Britain's favourite dishes and you nominated hundreds of Indian restaurants.
But we could only choose two to compete in the F Word kitchen.
The search took us all over Britain.
Determined to find the very best, we went to visit your culinary heroes.
From Nottingham to Portsmouth, London to Tamworth, Southampton to Leeds.
All of these things have definite flavours.
It's absolutely delicious.
We tasted food fit for the Maharaja.
But sometimes the surroundings weren't so impressive.
I hope the food's good.
The decor's shocking.
I feel like I'm in Pete Docherty's bathroom.
This is proper authentic Indian food.
Served inside a cafe with cafe prices.
The food is delicious.
It looks as if this menu's been sitting here for ages.
It's absolutely disgusting.
After months of whittling down the nominations, we finally found two outstanding restaurants.
Curry Corner in Cheltenham gave us a fantastically warm welcome.
Nestling in the heart of the Cotswolds, it's one of the oldest Bangladeshi restaurants in Britain.
How are you? Good to see you.
What a lovely place.
Head chef Shamsul Krori is still going strong at 59.
Helped in the kitchen by his wife, Saleha and his daughter, Monrusha.
This kitchen is minute.
You're not the head chef, are you? If I claim to be the head chef, my head would be off.
So I won't even bother.
So I won't even bother.
Right.
Good.
Mother.
You have very nice eyes.
That's why you see everything nicely.
Jesus.
People have nice eyes.
Can you leave us alone while I have a quick chat with your mother? Thank you! Talk about a proper family-run friendly business.
In the kitchen with your wife, your daughter and your son at the front of house.
He's been cooking for 42 years.
That's before I was fucking born.
Every person in this family loves food, cooks it, eats it, thinks about it every single moment.
First up, samosas.
Extraordinary food.
You'd have to travel to Bangladesh to get that flavour.
He's managed it.
Lamb shank for you, Gordon.
The lamb shank slides down the bone.
It's cooked perfectly.
I haven't tasted it yet, but you can just tell.
That is fucking amazing.
It would be an absolute dream come true to win the F Word Best Local Restaurant.
It would mean the world to us.
I'm hoping we're going to win.
Thank you for that.
My problem is that this is a tough category because there are amazing Indian restaurants across the country.
Sadly, the bad news is there is only two restaurants that can go through to the F Word restaurants.
Congratulations, you're one.
Oh, my God! Next time, it will be the F Word restaurant for 50 diners.
Trust me.
They're tough cookies.
Congratulations.
See you in London.
Definitely the right decision.
No doubt.
This place is unique.
It's refined.
They've managed to focus on flavour.
Gordon's expecting great things from us.
We hope we can deliver.
Oh, yes, you don't worry.
OK.
So, Curry Corner from Cheltenham is through.
In a group with such high standards, we found a brilliant and worthy opponent.
Lasan in Birmingham.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Stunningly stylish, Lasan is a city centre favourite.
Head chef Aktar Islam was just 22 when he opened the restaurant with his best friend Jabbar.
The young guns from the Midlands are determined to be different with cutting edge cuisine.
For Birmingham, we were the first restaurant to break away from the mainstream and offer alternatives to baltis and masalas.
That's exquisitely presented.
Finesse.
Very competitive.
We've set out to be number one and hopefully one day we'll make it.
Chicken, thank you.
Wow, with fried ginger.
Mm.
What's the ambition? It's not food for people who haven't got an educated palette.
It's a sophisticated cuisine.
I haven't come across Indian cuisine anywhere with fried leeks, sun dried tomatoes.
Fried ginger.
That's fried in the oven.
Everything that goes into the actual food itself, that is as authentic.
We're trying to bring the food forward a bit.
You're looking for a Michelin star? I'm hoping to get a Michelin star.
Yeah.
That's the plan.
I love his arrogance because he's very similar to myself 15 years ago.
The biggest problem you have today is that you're trying too hard.
The arrogance verses the confidence.
You've got a little bit of me in there.
And you know, there's only two restaurants that can go through and cook in the F Word.
You're one of them.
Congratulations.
Chef, thank you very much.
I do want to kiss you! Woo! We done it! It's amazing.
It's probably the biggest thing that has ever happened to any of us.
I think I've made the right decision at Lasan.
One hell of a cocky chef, young but bloody talented.
So, I found my top two Indian restaurants.
Will the F Word diners prefer Curry Corner's traditional charm or Lasan's modern take on Indian food? Who will be crowned the F Word's Best Local Indian Restaurant? We're about to find out.
Both teams will cook 25 portions of the starters and make sure those customers pay for your food.
Right.
Yes.
Excited? Yes, chef.
Let's go.
On to your stations.
Ready for the starters.
Next on the menu, I'm up before dawn on a mission to bag a deer for my venison masala.
Are you ready? I was born ready.
In the recipe challenge, a jealous Lenny Henry squares up for a fight.
You had a snog with my wife.
R-r-argh! We're back in London at the F Word restaurant.
Tonight is Indian night.
The value of the Indian food market in Britain is around 500 million.
Who does it best? We've searched the country and found the top two local Indian restaurants.
Lasan in Birmingham and Curry Corner in Cheltenham.
First couple of tables coming in.
Lasan, listen up.
Four covers, Table 1.
Four lamb samosas.
Yes, chef.
Yes.
You don't have to shout for theirs.
Curry Corner listen up.
Four covers, table four, yes? Four lamb samosas.
Yes, chef.
Tonight, both brigades are kicking off with samosas.
Here's my recipe for this delicious Indian starter.
Chick pea samosas.
Delicious, simple and so straightforward.
First, the filling - vegetable oil.
Not too hot.
Don't wanna burn the spices.
Curry powder.
Garam masala.
Cumin, turmeric, fry.
Onion.
Into the spices.
Season.
Cream chilli.
It wakes everything up.
Garlic, ginger.
Next, add chick peas and peas.
Water.
Nice.
Simmer.
Lemon juice.
Lightly crush.
Cool.
Samosa dough, roll, cut out.
Take the disk and cut it in half.
Form a little cone.
Fill.
Water.
Seal.
Nip together, nice and gently.
Hot pan.
Vegetable oil.
Fry.
Salad.
Out.
Chick pea samosas with salad and raita dressing.
Done.
Guys, this is not a race.
It's a restaurant.
Aktar.
Yes, Chef? Give me time on the first four, please.
Hassan, how long? Two minutes.
Good man.
Both restaurants are cooking their own samosa recipes.
It will be interesting to see who comes out on top.
Lasan in Birmingham pride themselves on taking authentic Indian cooking in an exciting and modern direction.
It's an old boys' club and we are the new generation.
For their lamb samosa, they marinade the meat in raw papaya paste for 24 hours to make sure it's exquisitely tender.
They're using a special thin pastry call nimki.
Adding nigella seeds for an aromatic flavour.
The filling inside the samosa is The filling inside the samosa is Lamb.
That is spiced with chilli, turmeric.
Braised.
It is, but we totally evaporate the sauce.
We pound it, mix it with mint and coriander, and put into the pastry.
I think you will enjoy it.
I hope the diners like it as well.
Those first four, Aktar? Well done.
You are using a cutter for yours, yes? What is the secret behind that? The secret behind it is it will seal the pastry off.
Also, this is how it's made at home.
Family-run CurryCorner in Cheltenham have been serving their traditional home-style Indian food for 32 years.
We've got probably 100 years worth of cooking experience between all of us.
Our family is all about food.
I don't think you can beat that.
For their samosa filling, Curry Corner cook the lamb with roast spices.
Cinnamon, cardamom, bay leaves and cloves.
For their dough, they're using a light whole-wheat flour that can be rolled out into a much thinner pastry.
This recipeis my grandmother's.
Wow.
So there's a lot more home-style as opposed to Lasan? In all my cooking, in samosa, my home cooking I followed my mum's steps.
They look fast fantastic.
Away now.
Five more please.
Beautiful, well done.
Aktar, you're a modern young cook.
Does it annoy you when lager louts turn up expecting a chicken tikka masala and a beer? It does.
Is not an experience I have to endure very often.
Indian food can offer so much more why take up menu space with a tikka masala? In my kitchens I'll never serve that.
You would never serve chicken tikka masala? Never.
If you try my masala nobody make in the UK.
My masala.
You have the best masala? I challenge any chef! You challenge Aktar? Any chef.
How long have you been cooking? 41 years.
41 years.
How old are you, Aktar? I'm 29, chef.
When was the last time you ate a chicken tikka masala? Erm About 12 years ago.
Horrible.
I didn't like theamount of food colouring in there.
It wasunnatural in colour.
Do you want him toe-mail the recipe for you? More than welcome.
But itwouldn't find its way into my menu.
Aktar, I don't use any colour in my restaurant.
What colour is it? Natural colour.
What colour is it? What colour is it? The colour of curry, like a lovely orangey colour from the browning of the onions and all the rest of the masala.
You freshly grind the spices down.
In, release flavours.
It will colour up the curry naturally.
All right.
If you said it was red I would say We didn't tell you that.
That's fine.
Well done.
What I would say, when you mentionedtikka masala from Bangladesh They don't have that practice of cooking in Bangladesh.
They don't use the tandoor.
Oh, Jesus! Aktar, you know nothing about Bangladesh or India.
Let's agree to disagree.
Aktar is an Indian snob.
Yes? OK? I need two tables of four from you.
Yes, chef, it's coming.
I don't fancy my chances, chef! Oh, my God.
Everybody loves a curry.
But as Aktar would tell us, there's so much more to Indian cookery than a chicken tikka masala.
Over 6,000 Indian restaurants in the UK serve three million happy customers a week.
The vast majority of dishesthey offer are either chicken or lamb.
It's all delicious.
But I believe with such a limited range of meats, we are missing out on a world of culinary opportunity.
To prove this I will re-create a true Indian classic using a piece of meat you won't find on your average Indian menu anywhere, venison.
It's a wonderfully rich, gamey ingredient that's a perfect match for highly spiced flavours.
I've come to Scotland in search of the finest wild deer for my delicious new dish.
One that deserves a place on any Indian menu.
Venison masala.
I'm hunting with Mobarak Jan who regularly stalks deer up here.
Most Indianrestaurants use halal meat.
I'm keen to know how wild venison can be halal.
Mo is a Muslim hunter and he will show me how he does it.
What attracted you? It's sort of the hunter gatherer kind of thing, shooting for your own food.
Taking it home, taking venison home, cooking it up and having beautiful food.
Joining us is Jim McErlean who will help us track down a deer.
If you spot one and I haven't seen it, just go, "psst.
" That's all.
Psst.
I'll hear it.
Don't point at it.
Don't point or raise any hands.
Are we ready? Let's go.
I was born ready.
But deer are elusive creatures and incredibly difficult to shoot.
What could spook him? Noise, scent.
After two hours Jim spots our first deer.
See those tall trees up there, he's just come out.
Here he comes.
He's running along the bottom.
(Fuck, I still can't see him.
) (Top left.
See him?) (Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
) Just as I'm getting ready to take the shot I lose it.
(Gordon, that deer won't be coming back now.
) (Little bastard, come back.
) (Shit.
) Next day, we set off again.
But the deer always seem to be one step ahead of us.
Finally, after several hours of hard slog, Jim spotted a roe deer.
Look, he's side on.
Come on, let's go.
(No, stay there.
) (Can't see him now.
) (He's in the dark.
) (Wait until he turns sideways.
) Safety off.
Now! Yep.
SHOT FIRES I follow up with a second shot.
He's dead.
Quite strange feeling to begin with, isn't it? Quite strange feeling to begin with, isn't it? Yes.
When you've got it in your sights your heart is beating, beating.
Absolutely.
They call it buck fever.
Then it's time for Mo to show me how he makes sure his deer is halal.
As well as saying a prayer when he pulls the trigger, he slits the throat in a special way.
What I would do to make it halal, repeat the prayer.
And that's it? That's it.
One swift back and forth.
That's the main thing with halal.
The knife has to be razor sharp.
We do it this way to get the blood out of the carcass.
So it's nice and clean.
Well done, Gordon.
It's the moment of truth.
Time for me to cook my venison masala for Mo and Jim.
I will use venison that Mo shot at the weekend.
It's been hung and chilled, and more importantly, he shot it so therefore, it's halal.
The first thing I'm gonna do is make the most amazing dry rub.
Mix cumin, fennelseeds, chilli powder, coriander seeds and chilli flakes.
Grind that down.
Nice.
Rub the spices into the meat.
Into the pan.
Nice.
Cook for about four minutes, basting continuously.
Then remove from the heat.
As it cools down in the oil, it takes on all that wonderful flavour from the spices.
For the masala sauce, grate one onion.
Season and add garam masala, turmeric, garlic and ginger.
We can make it more spicy because it's going up against the dense rich venison.
Add chillies, chopped tomatoes and a splash of water, grate a whole cauliflower and add to the mix.
The masala paste starts to absorb it.
Add chopped coriander and a squeeze of lemon.
There you go.
If that's not worth six hours pissing around in the bushes, I don't know what is! I'm keen to find out if Mo likes my venison masala.
That's good that.
You like that? That's good stuff.
That's what I want to see, thatsmile.
Everyone thinks venison's associated with posh dinners.
I've always thought it goes well with Indian spices, Indian cooking.
Quite dense, quite gamey.
Why don't they use it across Indian cuisine? It's not readily available as lamb and chicken.
There's a new business for you.
halal venison.
Last table of four.
Last table.
Aktar, you have one table of two.
Last two, yeah.
It goes out exact same as the first two, yeah? Last table.
Good.
Well done.
Well done.
I really enjoyed it.
All the flavours work together.
The meat was really tender.
The coating was nice and crispy.
It wasn't too spicy.
A nice balance.
Really flavoursome, I was really impressed.
How is he doing tonight? He's doing very well.
Are you agitated you are not in there helping him? No, leave him to it.
You had the Curry Corner samosa.
How was it? Not impressed, I'm afraid.
The approach was good.
It was authentic and how it was intended with the pastry.
Too heavy.
Too thick.
The filling wasn't flavoursome or it lacked salt and other spices.
They are getting a kicking from you! They are getting a kicking from you! They are.
Are you going to pay for it? No.
Enjoy your main courses.
Starter was great.
Soft and succulent inside.
Spices complimented each otherreally well.
The lamb was cooked really well.
Crispy pastry.
It was to die for.
Really, really good.
Nice to see you.
How are you? Welcome to F Word.
You look beautiful.
Thank you very much.
How do you think Shamsul's bearing up under pressure? Very well.
He's doing very good.
Are you a proud wife? Of course I'm proud.
Do you want to jump in there and give him a hand? No, he's all right.
He can cope.
What did you think of Lasan's samosa? The filling is OK.
But the pastry is too thin.
Too oily for me.
The most important question - are you going to pay for it tonight? No.
No.
Wow.
How was it? The samosa itself was all right.
The lamb was very well cooked.
Yes or no, are you paying for it? Yeah, I'll pay for it.
You will.
Good to see you.
So Curry Corner first.
Nice and crispy.
Pastry is fantastic.
The samosa filling I want it to be more spicy.
It's a shame cos you start cutting through the pastry and it's like, wow, crispy, delicious, blistered all over.
You get to the centre and it's not as exciting as the outside.
Aktar's.
Inside peas, braised lamb.
Wow, that's delicious.
Itdoesn't look like a classic samosa.
However, the flavour is extraordinary.
Time to get the scores.
How well do you think you did out of 25? I think very good.
Aktar? 25 out of 25.
I love your confidence.
OK, JB, let's go.
Curry Corner, first, the number of customers out of 25 that are happy to pay for your samosa is Wow 18 out of 25.
Well done.
Thanks.
Really well done.
Really good.
APPLAUSE Really good.
Feedback, please.
What was it? Too oily, the pastry.
Too oily? Lasan's, the number of customers out of 25 willing to pay for your samosas is .
.
24 out of 25.
Well done.
Really well done.
Really well done.
Fantastic.
Really good news.
Really good news.
Well done.
Now, here we go, 18 out of 25.
24 out of 25.
Two very good results.
Clear down, get ready for main course.
Let's go.
Well done.
APPLAUSE Next on the menu, Janet's mission to raise all the meat for my competition final continues and when it comes to chipolatas, size matters.
And what sex is it? I can't tell.
I don't know what I'm looking for.
It's a boy.
It's a boy.
It's got a willy.
Lenny Henry shows me his MarcoPierre White impression.
Will Curry Corner be able to come back and teach Lasan a lesson? Shamsul, you can't let this boy beat you, come on! Now, both restaurants have got to cook their main courses.
First up, Lasan.
OK, gentlemen, pan-fried fillet of bass with Bengali fish broth, please.
Lasan's fillet of seabass in Bengali fish broth is a modern Indian dish, derived from a traditional recipe.
First, Aktar heats mustard oil, add mustard seeds Just a generous pinch andwe wait for that to start popping.
.
.
curry leaves, onions and garlic, and allows to sweat.
He then adds two whole chillies, snapping them at the ends.
The seeds stay inside, we're trying to get the flavour, because we don't want to make it too hot.
Aktar adds turmeric, coriander and chilli powder.
A bit more than the coriander and three times as much as the turmeric.
Next, fish heads, full of intense flavour.
Aktar is using rui - Bengali carp which adds to the authenticity of this dish.
Then he adds tomatoes, coriander, water and simmers.
After an hour, the broth is strained.
He cooks potatos in the broth and adds lime juice.
The sea bass are seasoned with turmeric, chilli, then coated in rice flour.
It helps get the skin very crispy.
They're fried skin-side down and turned.
Pan-fried fillet of seabass in Bengali fish broth, served.
Aktar, what is the secret behind that broth? The major flavours that are coming through are the coriander, garlic and tomatoes, with a hint of chilli for a bit of a kick.
Looks very nice.
Lovely.
Aktar, from a chef to chef, I know if you don't get 15 out of 15 paying for your main course, you're going to be gutted tonight.
I'm gonna cry.
Shamsul.
You can't let this boy beat you, come on.
This is what Curry Corner have on tonight's menu.
Curry Corner's signature dish is monkfish in saffron cream curry.
First, Shamsul fries fresh garlic and ginger.
He than adds salt, cardamom pods, cloves Bay leaves.
.
.
and stirs in a whole crushed cinnamon stick.
Shamsul adds onions and red peppers with tomato puree.
Cumin, turmeric, coriander and chilli powder, measuring by eye with his 40 years of experience.
Then he lets the flavours really infuse.
Now it's fish.
Shamsul then coats the monkfish with pepper, mustard seeds, fennel seeds and ajwain, an Asian spice that tastes a lot like thyme.
He then fries the fish.
To finish the sauce, Shamsul heats a spoonful of his spice mix in a pan and adds cream.
Then milk with saffron and lime leaves, a chopped spring onion, vine tomato and fresh coriander.
Finally, he adds his monkfish, coconut milk and shredded coconut.
It's complete.
Monkfish and saffron cream curry, served.
What makes that dish stand out? The very subtle flavouring from the spices.
It's a very delicate flavour.
Aktar's broth has a strong, pungent kick to it.
Yours is very delicate.
It's very delicate because the fish is very delicate.
We need something to just lift the sweetness of the fish, which is the most important part.
Each dish is looking like the first.
Let's go.
Well done, Shamsul.
Service please, let's go.
Right.
Time to check on Janet Street-Farmer.
This year I'm challenging Janet Street-Porter to raise all the meat for the competition final at the F Word restaurant.
Last week, she started a farm with seven miniature Dexter cattle.
Look, I'm in charge now.
This week, I'm adding to Janet's challenge, with the rarest breed of pork we've ever had in the F Word kitchen, the woolly mangalitsa.
To help her choose three piglets, I've sent her to meet an old friend, pig expert, Christine Coe.
I've forgotten my wellies.
I hope they're not going to be very wet.
Is that a pig? That is a pig.
Looks like she's wearing a wig.
You're sure this pig hasn't got a toupee on? No, look, give her a stroke.
Has she got fleas? No, she'll be all right.
Mangalitsas were first bred in Hungary in the early 19th century.
Closely related to wild boar, and with a nervous temperament to match, Mangalitsas produce beautiful meat with a stronger, gamier flavour.
As the fattiest pig in the world, they're perfect for salami, cured loin and bacon.
Ooh, it's so wirey, isn't it? I know, it's wonderful.
Oh my God, it's like a coat of pubic hair.
Well, not like any pubic hair I've seen.
Anyway, enough about the sow.
It's time for Janet to meet her piglets.
This was taken a couple of weeks ago.
Eurgh There's the first one.
It looks like a little rat, doesn't it? They're so tiny when they're born.
Absolutely.
But they're straight out to the teat.
So they're highly intelligent.
They are.
They always sniff the mum's bottom, cos that's how they recognise them.
Oh, no! It's all about bottoms.
Well, I know they're going to be tasty because I've just eaten a sausage made from one of their ancestors.
Six weeks have passed, so they're ready to go to their new mum.
And Janet's three now not-so-little pigs are arriving in Yorkshire.
Sorry! Before they go into the brand-new pen, Janet needs to give them a quick health check.
Can I wear these? I'm not going to wear them, I need to be able to feel Christie, you're at one with pigs, I'm on a learning curve.
SQUEALING Oh, calm down! Now we have to try and stay very relaxed around them.
Look at it its eyes.
Nice, clear eyes.
They're not runny.
Nose not runny? Not very runny.
No, you're fine.
Trotters? Trotters look perfect.
What dinky little trotters.
Can you just have a look at the bottom to see if he's got the runs? Eurgh, how do I know? Just look and poke about a bit.
Eurgh.
Nothing.
I'm not waiting for him to have the runs.
What sex is it? What have we got underneath? Well, there's a lump.
What does that mean? Anything at the back? I can't tell, Christine, I don't know what I'm looking for.
It's a boy.
How do you know it's a boy? Cos it's got a willy.
I saw a lump! That'll do.
Oh, stand still, for God's sake.
11 kilos.
Right, meet your mate.
So that they're ready for the F Word restaurant, I need each pig to gain from 1.
5 to 2 kilos in weight each week, the equivalent of two bags of sugar.
This one's much heavier.
But you're leaning on it.
It's really important to do these checks, particularly after they've had a little bit of stress and a long journey, just to make sure they're starting off healthy.
You are now the proud owner of three of the rarest pigs in the UK.
They look fantastic.
Meet the neighbours.
Janet's chosen her pigs and cows, and all she needs now to complete her mixed grill is some chickens.
Her challenge is about to get even harder.
Janet.
Fancy meeting you here.
Really good to see you.
Now, cows last week, pigs this week.
How are they? They're fantastic.
They're so lively.
I picked a special breed of pig, mangalitsa pig.
Do you like them? Yeah.
I like their hair.
Oh, really? Blonde.
Bit pubic.
More sort of the Grecian 2000, greyish, as opposed to blonde.
No, it's like your hair but a bit curly.
OK.
That's why you picked them, isn't it? So I'vegot pubes on top of my head? You had trouble finding their penises as well? That is the kind of thing you're obsessed with.
I'm not.
Let me tell you Has it been a problem for you in the past?! In my journey through life, I've never been obsessed with searching for penises.
Funnily enough, I know where they are.
If it's not worth finding .
.
It's not worth having.
Really good to see you.
Please look after my animals.
Safe trip back to the farm.
Every time I comb their hair, I'll be thinking of you.
(CACKLES) Guys, you're the best restaurants, so prove it, yes? You won't get another chance, so make it count.
The seabass was pan-fried to perfection.
It was really lovely in the broth.
It was absolutely perfect.
The seabass was quite lively.
I think it was quite a modern take on Indian cuisine.
Everything together complimented each other.
It was beautiful.
I would definitely pay for it.
The seabass I like very much.
But this dish, I find it's too hot for me.
Oh, the monkfish was amazing.
The flavours really worked and it wasn't too rich.
It was really beautiful.
The monkfish, it was quite tough.
And I think the spices, there was no kick to the dish.
Right, so Lasan's seabass looks amazing in terms of presentation.
Yeah.
It's bold, but it's incredibly delicious.
That broth is very, very rich and that wakes up the seabass.
Very good.
Curry Corner's monkfish looks more traditional.
It's very delicate.
I like it, but it's not spicy enough.
That needs to be a little bit more aggressive in terms of flavour.
The seabass for me, the broth seals it.
Let's find out how you did.
Out of 50, take an educated guess? What shall we say? No, I can't Sorry.
Don't know.
35? 35 out of 50? Aktar, out of 50, how well do you think that seabass went down? I'm hoping we will be in the high 40s, fingers crossed.
OK, Lasan, let's do you first.
The number of customers happy to pay for your seabass out of 50 is 40 out of 50.
Well done.
Really well done.
40 out of 50.
That's good.
Really well done.
40 out of 50.
That's good.
So, JB, ten customers didn't pay for the sea bass.
Why? Too spicy.
40 out of 50, bloody good.
Right, Curry Corner, the number of customers willing to pay for your monkfish out of 50 is .
.
27 out of 50.
Damn, that's tough.
23 customers out of 50 not happy to pay.
Why not? Too bland.
And the fish, too rubbery as well.
And the fish being too rubbery.
OK.
Don't be disappointed.
No.
You can pull this back on dessert.
Yes? You've got to get 25 out of 25 for dessert.
You're both talented enough to do it.
Clean down, let's go.
Well done.
You never know, they might be able to turn it around.
I'm still optimistic that they will win.
He's one of Britain's most-loved comedians, is his cooking as good as his jokes? I'mabout to find out.
Ready? Yes, very excited, Very happy to be here.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) I'm going to cook some Jamaican food.
I need dumpling.
I need pumpkin.
I need yam.
Yes, chef.
What are you cooking? I'm cooking pepperpot soup.
My mum used to cook it.
It's something that Jamaicans have.
She used to serve it in a terrine for each member of the family.
It's why our family's so big.
We just go, "Come on now, the food's ready, get a spoon.
" What are you making over there? I'm going to do my childhood favourite soup, Scotch broth.
Using mutton and barley.
I don't know if you've got food like this, but it's one of those things where you miss it.
My mum passed away in 1998, so when I eat it anywhere There's a place in London called Savannah Jerk, a very good Jamaican restaurant I love going to.
And they gave it to me the other day, and I sort of burst into tears.
Really? That memorable? Well, it's one of those evocative meals, you know.
So how did Dawn and your mum get on? Really well.
They bonded straight away? Oh, yeah.
The first time Dawn came to my house, my mum used to do a cooking test with every new girlfriend.
My mum used to bring this plate of food out, like this, that was like eight feet high.
Chicken and rice and dumpling and green banana and yam and sweet potatoes.
And literally, Dawn's head was like that, over the top like that.
"Enjoy yourself, darling.
" And so, what you've got to do, you've got to show you've got some heart and eat it, you know? And she did eat it.
She passed the test.
Yeah, she passed.
How is your namby-pamby Scotch broth with barley going? This is my mother's recipe.
she'll be mortified.
I apologise.
Your mother is a fine woman.
(LAUGHS) So, Scotch broth, like Lenny I will be using mutton.
Partly cooking the mutton in a light stock for 20 minutes ao it gets really nice and tender.
Bring it to the boil and skim the top.
Vegetables - celery, carrots, swede, turnips, and then barley.
OK, what I've done, I've put the meat and the kidney beans in to boil.
It says boil.
Typical Jamaican, "Boil the meat "and the beans for 20 minutes non-stop until them done.
"Then put in the vegetables and and let them simmer.
" So I'm doing the meat bit first.
You've had some fantastic reviews for Othello.
Is Othello a character you can relate to? I can relate to him a lot, he's the only black guy in the village! One of the first schools I went to, I was one of three black kids.
If anything got stolen, they'd just go "Black kid! "Black Kid 1, get over here! Did you do this?" As you know, Dawn was a guest on the F Word, and we had the most amazing snog.
You had a snog with my wife? It was just You don't mind, do you? Yes, I do mind.
Put your willy on this block and let's make toast.
She left something.
Would you give it to her when you see her, please? Aah! A handkerchief! Very good joke, Gordon, it's not like you.
Are there any times, across the show, live, that you forget your lines? It's a live performance.
There are going to be times that your concentration might slip for a second.
Do you ever get tempted to throw in a joke, an "OK" or something? No? You can't say "OK" in the middle bloody Othello! Are you nuts! I grew up in Stratford upon Avon, the home of "Where is the handkerchief? Katanga, my friend.
" I was very tempted the other night.
I started saying something three times.
"The tyrant "the tyrant ".
.
the tyrant" And I was so tempted to go "Chaka Khan The tyrant.
" So the mutton's been cooking now for 25 minutes.
It's nice and soft.
All that fat has been removed.
Adding that into the vegetables, and then topping that up with the stock.
Barley's in, so it's just started to open up.
This is the stock that the mutton has been cooked in.
Bring it to the boil, add seasoning, turn it downand simmer.
I'm trying to make the dumplings.
I have Scotch bonnet pepper in my eyes.
I've had to take one of my contact lenses out because I'm clearly dying.
Right, now both soups have to cook for 20 minutes, then the blind tasters will pick a winner.
And I can already smell victory.
Is something burning over there? (HIGH-PITCHED) Goddamn! Goddamn! I think I put too much Scotch bonnet in there.
Next on the menu, Curry Corner have to pull out the stops to win the title of the F Word's Best Locallndian Restaurant and have a chance of a place in the final.
We are behind, but we think we can pull it back.
We can win.
And Lenny Henry suggests a new careerfor the F Word's maitre'd.
Are you doing an audition for a boy band or something? Love me for a reason Right, welcome back to the F Word.
Now Time for the results of the recipe challenge.
First, we plate up.
Ready? Mmm.
Mmm! Your's smells delicious.
Right, JBYes? Off you go.
Good luck.
Thank you, JB.
Are you doing an audition for a boy band or something? Love me for a reason Let the reason be love Bon appetit.
Thank you.
Mmm.
Spicy.
It's quite thick.
Yeah, it is.
The lamb could be a bit more tender.
It's quite nice.
It's a bit spicy.
It's quite nice.
It's a bit spicy.
The dumplings are a bit doughy.
That is really nice.
This looks nice.
Mmm.
Fresh herbs, deeper flavour.
I just had a peppercorn! I just had a peppercorn! The barley gives a lovely texture.
Right, good luck.
Good luck, good luck.
Oh, no, he's got that look about him.
OK, let's go.
How did it go down, first? They loved the fact it was very, like, homey-style.
Homey-styleVery nice Yep.
He stole it from his mother.
Right The score is? Four to one.
Four to one.
Four to one! Mm-hmm.
The winner is Yes! Yes! I liked yours, it was nice.
Perfect winter soup.
I liked yours.
Perfect winter soup.
I liked yours.
Alas, poor Lenny, I beat him well.
Well, of course you beat me(!) You're a nine Michelin-star chef, I'm like a comedian.
Get thy Shakespearean arse out of my kitchen! Yes! How competitive is he? That's bad, isn't it? Look how happy he is! Come on! Right, now it's time for dessert.
It's fantastic to spice up desserts.
This is a delicious saffron-poached pear with a cardamom custard.
First, peel your pears.
Halve.
Core.
Add 150 grams of caster sugar to boiling water.
Then a pinch of saffron.
Poach the pears for 20 minutes.
Mint and cardamom custard.
Add 300ml of milk to a saucepan.
Four crushed cardamom pods.
Slowly bring to the boil.
Sieve.
Three egg yolks.
50 grams of sugar.
Add the cardamom-infused milk.
And return to the heat.
Stir constantly and allow to thicken.
Mint.
Drain the pears.
Caster sugar.
Glaze.
That smells delicious.
Saffron-poached pear with mint and and cardamom custard.
Done.
Once you've added the sugar into this, you've got to whisk, yeah? If you leave it, OK, it goes grainy.
There you go.
Whisk, whisk, whisk.
Good, good, good.
Don't slice them too thin otherwise they'll break.
Good.
That's it.
Shamsul, I was talking to your dear lady, earlier, your wife.
She's very proud of you tonight, you know that? And Monrusha too.
She doesn't think Aktar's the man for you, by the way.
Just in case! There will be a lot of mothers who think that! (CHUCKLING) Good, good, good.
Service please.
Very nice.
That custard looks fantastic.
OK.
Well done, good.
It must be hard in Cheltenham.
Do they ask for autographs thinking you're George C Er Do they? No.
Yes, all the time! See? Easy.
OK.
How are we doing? That's it.
OK? Yes, chef.
Are we ready to go? Good.
Lovely.
Good.
Excellent.
It was marvellous.
I loved the contrast of savoury and sweet.
It was absolutely beautiful.
The crispy mint was just perfect.
It just blended everything together perfectly.
Thoroughly enjoyable.
Really enjoyed.
Very light.
Very nice.
It was light.
It was fragrant.
Generally, I really enjoyed it.
I might finish my sister's.
First off - end of the night, well done.
I think all four of you have done brilliantly well.
And you are a legend.
Thank you.
Yes? Well done.
Really well done.
OK.
Ready for the results? JB - please.
OK.
Thank you.
Curry Corner - let's start with you first, yes? The number of customers that are happy to pay, out of 25, for their dessert, is 19 out of 25.
Well done.
Really fantastic! That's great news! That means, in total, you have got 64 out of 100.
Well done.
Really well done.
Really good indeed.
OK, Lasan - this is the big moment.
It is, chef, yes.
The number of diners that are happy to pay out of 25, yeah, for your poached pears is 12 out of 25.
But there is good news.
Because you have a total of 76 out of 100.
You're the winners.
Well done.
Congratulations.
Well done.
Really well done indeed.
Well done.
Great start.
Great meal.
Mediocre ending.
Well done.
Really well done.
Well done, my darling, congratulations.
Now, all of you do me a big favour and get out of here and get yourself a lassi.
Well done.
Really well done.
Excellent.
The sensation is absolutely amazing.
I mean, we've made it so far, and to have won as well, I mean, I'm just shaking inside.
It's just So, Lasan are in first place on the F Word leaderboard.
But can they hold on to the top spot and go through to the next round? Next week, we'll be crowning the F Word's best local French restaurant.
Does your local have that special ooh-laa-laa? That's how they serve food at The Ritz.
I'll be in Paris, learning about pastry, and teaching the French a thing or two while I'm there.
It's like you're caressing a booby.
What is a booby? And Janet Street-Porter gives birth There's a leg.
I have a leg out.
.
.
as the final ingredient for her mixed grill arrives.
That's it! It looks knackered.
Thank you for watching.
To cook the recipes, or find out about the nominated restaurants, visit the F Word website.
Good night.