The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s05e02 Episode Script

NARRATOR: On the last Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hey, Uncle Phil, man, I got to give you props for investing in this record store.
That must have been a lot of money.
How much are we really worth? "We"? [LAUGHS.]
[SINGING.]
Hey, DJ, keep playing that song All night On, and on, and on Hey, Mr.
DJ, all the girls are ready Ching-ching! Boy, it's time I told ya I can't wait no longer Got to make up your mind I heard enough.
She's a knockout.
I definitely wanna sign her.
Will, you better be sure you know what you're doing.
Uncle Phil, I know exactly what I'm doing.
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
Six is completely unacceptable.
It's Will Smith you talking to.
I want 10.
Oh, no, no, no.
You got to give me 10 or I'm taking Ashley Banks elsewhere.
That's what I thought.
You're a very smart man.
No, no, love you.
Ciao.
Negotiating for a bigger royalty? No, a better table.
I got a business meeting tomorrow night at the Roxy.
Boy, this management thing is love.
Trust me.
People tripping all over themselves just to make you happy.
Hey, now I know how Hammer must have felt the week he was famous.
Look at you, Will.
These insincere, sycophants ply you with gifts shower you with money, and why? Is it because you have any discernable talents? No.
It's because you control someone else who does.
- You want a job, don't you? - Yes.
Well, I ain't got no problem keeping it in the family.
You can handle the money, business manager.
Yes! You're gonna be watching me, aren't you? Like white folks watch Wings.
Hi, everyone.
Hey, Hil.
I got a great idea for your talk show.
Divas: Past, present and future.
On the same show you have Aretha, Whitney and Ashley.
Who's Ashley? Your sister.
Well, Ashley hasn't even released a single yet.
I need guests who can deliver ratings.
I mean, if she wants to come sit in the audience or something, you know [INTERCOM BUZZES.]
WILL: Yes, Martha? MARTHA: Mr.
Berry and his associates are here.
Yes, send them in, please.
All right, let me do all the talking.
All you got to do is agree with everything I say and disagree with everything they say.
Why don't I just smile and nod? Better.
- Ahh! - Ha-ha-ha.
Gordy.
What's up? You look fabu.
It's nice to see you, Will.
Carlton.
What that? What that? Brother, you got to show me love.
Hey! Thanks.
Listen, you know my associates.
Yeah, Rob, Fab.
Blame it on the rain, brothers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Will, Will, Will, this is quite an office you've got here.
You like it? Actually, I'm not even finished yet.
I'm having a bust of my head made.
It's getting helicoptered in on Thursday.
Hey, suppose we get right down to business? Yes, sir.
Hey, y'all fellas have a seat.
Watch them beads on my leather, bro.
- All right.
Now, Gordy GORDY: Yeah? What is the best way to launch a new act? - Well, I've always found WILL: Ease up a second there, bro.
That was one of them there rhetorical questions, you know? Ain't that right, Carlton? All right.
We are gonna introduce Ashley to the world in person.
Announcing the Ashley Banks North American tour.
Right.
Okay.
Now, we gonna start right here in New York.
And then blang, over to Phoenix.
Then bap, bap, bap, bladow, over to Orlando.
Then blip-bloop, we gonna slide up to Seattle.
Next we Will, Will.
We would need a jet to meet that kind of schedule.
I mean, we simply don't have those kind of resources.
Y'all got a couple of weeks to come up with the funds.
I got dates in all these cities.
You've already booked the tour? Oh, no, no, no, bro, I said "I got dates.
" See, I got Tina in New York.
I got Beth in Seattle.
Ohh.
Actually, I might need a couple days in Seattle.
Beth is a big girl, you know? Oh, you laughing.
You must like them a little rotund yourself.
Will.
Will, now wouldn't it be more effective to shoot a video for Ashley? Oh, come on, Gordy, video is dead, man.
Ain't that right, Carlton? Absolutely.
Most of the arcades are losing money.
I mean Right.
Moving on.
Next, I got a publicity stunt planned for Ashley.
We gonna set up lunch with her and Tevin Campbell.
Midway through, she gonna stand up, take a drink and splash it in his face.
Right? Then she slap him, call him a punk.
Just "punk.
" Just scream it out.
Next, we plant a story that Tevin been sleeping outside her crib with a rifle.
Now, it ain't gonna do too much for Tevin's career but Ashley becomes America's favorite victim.
Now, Will, Tevin is a great kid.
- Oh, no, no, no, this just business here.
- He's also my godson.
Then you can be there for him.
Why don't you sleep on it? - Let that marinate a little bit, all right? - Yeah, I'll do that.
Uh This meeting has been very interesting.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Hey, this is just the first of many, man.
- Okay.
- Hey, Gordy.
- Yeah? - I can feel it.
We are gonna make history.
History? That's just the word I was thinking.
Goodbye, Will.
Bye.
That went great.
Whoa, whoa.
Carlton, slow down, man.
I was with Tisha last night.
I can't walk that fast.
Will, we're late.
Relax, Carlton.
Look here, I'm Ashley's manager.
You see all this? I run all this.
They can't start none of this thing without me.
ASHLEY [SINGING.]
: Boy, you're running out of time Got to make up your mind CHORUS [OVER RECORDING.]
: Tell me, tell me I gotta go, I gotta go, baby This is how I feel inside I won't waste your time or mine - Who the hell are all these people? - I don't know.
ASHLEY: After all I do for you WILL: Ashley, why don't you take a five.
We'll hit it hard in a bit.
Will, I'm so glad you came.
Of course I came, I'm your manager.
- Will, didn't you talk to Daddy? WILL: About what? - What's going on here? - Ashley, I'll take care of this.
Why don't you go listen to some of the playback.
You're doing great.
- Who are you? - Jerry DeCarlo.
Gordy thought you might need help from a more experienced manager.
But you're the man, Will.
You're the man.
I'm just the man behind the man.
Oh, uh-huh.
And what you doing back there? Will, we'd like you to focus on one of our more established clients.
Oh, really? Who? Tito, Jermaine.
Your pick.
Look here, buddy.
I don't think you quite understand what's going on here.
I run all this, okay? And Ashley is not having this at all, right? So you need to get to going, all right? Go ahead, take care.
Will, I wish you had come home last night.
I didn't mean for you to find out about it this way.
Oh, you knew about this, huh? Jer, would you excuse us for a minute, please? [SCOFFS.]
"Jer"? Oh, no, no.
I'm calm.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
- How could you sell me like this, man? - Will.
You're making this more difficult than it has to be.
The decision has been made.
- Carlton, that's eavesdropping.
- So? This is better than television.
I put this whole thing together.
I will not be thrown out on my Ashley, would you quit it? Will, you are no longer in charge.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
Oh, great.
Now we'll never know how Will took the news.
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: three weeks and the way you folks have been requesting it it'll be there forever.
Here's smoking Ashley Banks with "Make Up Your Mind.
" [MAN SPEAKING SPANISH.]
smoking Ashley Banks.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING.]
ASHLEY [SINGING ON RADIO.]
: Tell me why you're playing with my [YELLS AND GRUNTS.]
All this money for rent and I still got roaches.
Will, I want you to come home.
- Home? Oh, I have no home.
- Oh, come on, the whole family misses you.
- Family? Oh, I have no family.
- All right, you made your point.
Point? I have no Very clever, Uncle Phil.
But then again, you are this big-time lawyer.
Will, this wasn't an easy thing for me to agree with.
We both know that you were in over your head.
I was just trying to do the best thing I could for Ashley.
You can push me out and take everything over but we both know I made Ashley Banks.
Well, gee, I could have sworn that Vivian and I had something to do with it.
You know what I'm talking about, Uncle Phil.
I got the deal, then I got the shaft.
I understand you're angry, but I'm asking you to come home.
- Home? I have no home.
- All right.
You cannot live here forever.
I ain't planning on living here forever.
Just till I'm dead.
Smith, we gotta talk.
Look, not now, Mr.
Weisman, I'm in the middle of a meeting.
No, you're not.
Your lease ran out last week.
I want you out of here by the end of today.
I got the worst luck with tenants.
Can I still come home? Home? I thought you had no home.
- Uncle Phil.
- Uncle? What? - I thought you had no uncle.
- Tell me where the car is.
PHIL: I have no car.
Will.
- Hey, Aunt Viv.
You happy to see me? - Yes.
It's so hard to smack you upside your head when you're not here.
I thought you said everybody wanted me back.
Come on, now, Vivian.
We can't blame Will for what's happened to Ashley.
Okay, wait, wait.
Time out.
What happened to Ashley? This singing contract has gone straight to her head.
These new managers are putting pressure on her and she's doing the best she can with it.
They must be doing something right.
She is in heavy rotation on The Box, heh, heh whatever that is.
I'm glad you're okay with this because I don't like it.
Not one little bit.
Gee, she hides it so well.
Hey, yo, man, is Ashley really that bad? I'm afraid so, Master William.
Perhaps later on we could pour some water on her and watch her melt.
Carlton, do you hear that? You mean your song on the radio? No, I mean the cash registers racking up my record sales.
Isn't she funny? Don't just stand there, Ashley.
Call him a good boy and toss him a treat.
Will, don't be mad.
I'm thanking you on my album cover.
Oh, really? So thanks.
What the hell is my problem? There she is, America's sweetheart.
Watch the hair! I have some very exciting news for you.
Make it quick.
Miss Banks has to mentally prepare for her appearance tomorrow at Dad's record store.
I have the greatest idea for my talk show.
It's a salute to divas.
Past, present and future.
Hilary, that is my idea.
Right, just like you launched Ashley's career? So how about it, Ash? Hilary, it sounds really wonderful and I'd love to do it but, well, my managers have this silly little idea about me only doing important shows.
Oh, so, what you doing, 60 Minutes? So young, so bitter.
Carlton! Oh, she is so self-centered.
I hear that.
After everything I've done for her.
You? Who's talking about you? Well, I'm talking about Miss Thing.
Somebody need to snatch her big helium head down out the stratosphere.
Excuse me, I need to talk to Queen Sheba.
Alone.
Will, I never wanted to fire you.
- Really? - Of course not.
I would have been happy paying you a token salary while someone else did the real work.
I discovered you.
And don't think I'm not grateful but it's time for me to take my career to the next plateau.
And, face it, you're small potatoes.
Small potatoes? I'll show you how small my potatoes are.
Carlton! Sorry, no.
Next.
Sorry, too tall.
You're a little too big-boned.
Well, okay.
Okay.
Get a tan.
No.
No.
No.
Would you think? Hey, Will, look what I found.
Jazz, she looks just like Ashley.
The resemblance, much like the beat, goes on.
Sing something, honey.
Although I'm crazy about ya I can live without ya And you wasted my time [LAUGHS.]
Jazz, she's great.
I'm back! You? Get your own client.
This one's mine.
Come on, Bashley.
What are you doing here? Doesn't Ashley got some boots that need licking? Well, she found out I was skimming money off the top, so she fired me.
Her own brother.
Face it, man, family means nothing to Ashley no more.
Look what she did to me.
Well, at least you still have your 15 percent.
All I got was a promise she wouldn't press charges.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Whoa.
What are you talking about? I don't have no 15 percent.
Will, you had an oral agreement with Ashley.
That's legally binding.
Just ask Kim Basinger.
You're right, man, I didn't even think about that.
Thanks a lot, C.
I think I'll slide down to this record store and give the good news to Little Miss Fat Head.
Where are all the people? Philip, I don't know, but you've gotta do something.
She's been sitting there for hours.
Hey, kid, how'd you like to have your own personal CD of "Make Up Your Mind"? Man, that song is weak.
Last week.
- I thought you said it was gonna be a hit.
- It was.
We had such positive feedback that we threw extra promotional muscle behind it saturated our key demo playlist and topped out.
- What does that mean? - The kids got sick of her.
Hey, what's up, y'all? How you doing? Man, let's see, I guess I'll get one of these.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Nas in the house.
- Oh, Partners In Rhyme.
I love that CD.
- What are you doing? Oh, I just want my piece of the pie.
Well, you know, seeing as how Ashley and I have a legally binding oral agreement which guarantees my 15 percent.
[CHUCKLES.]
I guess you got me there.
So tell me something.
How much is 15 percent of nothing? It's Okay, 15.
Hold up, 15, carry the zero.
Fifteen Nothing, you math whiz.
Fifteen percent of nothing is nothing.
All right, what are you talking about? PHIL: Well, evidently Ashley is not gonna be as big a star as they thought she was going to be.
- And I can't say that I'm not happy about it.
- Me either.
Well, it's nice to know my family was rooting for me to fail.
Ashley, that is not at all what we Ashley.
- This is all your fault, Will.
- This is all your fault, Will.
ASHLEY [SINGING ON RADIO.]
: Tell me why you're playing with my mind, boy Hey, Ashley.
Hey, you mind signing my CD? Very funny.
No, come on.
I'm being serious.
One day you're gonna be famous in something and a signed CD is gonna be worth some real dough.
Or if not, we can use it to prop up an unlevel table.
You know, so it don't wobble.
- Is that a smile? - No.
Yes.
Why are you being so nice to me? I was such a jerk.
Well, you learned from the master.
Look, this whole thing had us all acting a little crazy.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
Why don't we forget the apologies call it even.
Deal? Deal.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
[CRYING.]
- Will? - Hmm? Are you crying too? No, cold-and-flu season.
Oh, you guys.