Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (2007) s05e02 Episode Script
Puberty
1
NARRATOR: It's "I-Jammer,"
from Cinco Toys!
KIDS: It's fun!
The first digital music box
with two revolutionary
dance tones
--I-Jammer and E-Bumper!
I-Jammer!
I-Jammer's frequency tone is
off the hook!
(angry) E-Bumper!
Hype the bumping.
Monitor your friends'
progress.
(voice dropped a few octaves)
Look! They're "E-Bumping!"
Recharge and keep dancing
with "Oh- Hungee."
KIDS: Oh Hungee,
"OOPY DOOPY"
Oh Hungee!
It's real food.
KIDS: I-Jammer!
"Jizzle Jammer! "
(with attitude)
I don't need no dinner!
I have Oh Hungee!
No parents allowed.
E-Bumper!
(kids screaming)
I love my I-JammerAAAAAAH!
NARRATOR: These little kids
are jizzle jammed.
Plug it in and I-Jam. Yeah!
(moaning) I just need
one more bump.
Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric: Awesome Show!
Great Job!
Action. Begin.
Time, uh Welcome to "Tim and
Eric Awesome Show."
(octaves lower) Hi. I'm
Eric Wareheim. How are you?
What's going on with your
voice?
Oh, nothing. Just went
through puberty last night.
Feeling pretty good.
Puberty? It's a little early
for that I think.
No, my dad says I'm right on
time and actually you're
the one with the problem.
He was talking about you and
your family a lot last night.
How you guys are late.
Late with your house
payments, and late with
Now I got these really cool
"pumples" going on and a
mustache. And the
icing on the cake is this fat
pube mess.
It's a whole forest of pubes
that I have down here and it's
thick.
And my dad says that it's A-OK.
I did have one hair growing
on my nipple,
but my mom made me cut it off.
It's greasy-
Well, anyway. I don't care
about that. Um Do you wanna
come over this weekend to
play?
(laughs) No way!
Tim, I'm gonna be out
trolling for some tight slit
while you're here playing.
I'm really gonna try to push
my "mushroom" through this
thick forest and show it off.
I'm not gonna sit here and
play with you,
you [bleep].
Well, I wish I was also going
through puberty,
but unfortunately I'm still
a boy and will not be graduating
to puberty any time soon.
Hopefully.
I love spending time with
you, Son.
Hey, Dad. When am I gonna
turn into a man?
You're a hard green tomato.
And you're gonna ripen from a
green tomato to a red,
hairy tomato.
(lower voice) You don't know
what you're talking about,
Daddy!
Yes, uh Oh, yes I do.
And I made a song to teach you
this lesson about puberty.
Puberty!
Makes me fall in love sexually
I have no hair on me
Puberty!
Puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pupuberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-p upuberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Hello, I'm Will Grello.
And welcome
to "Fortin' With Will."
I'd like to welcome these
children.
None of them are my own. Let's
talk about forts.
Couch forts.
You know, as a child things
are not always rosy.
I think we can agree on that.
'Cause you might have somebody
that's like my father!
"DON'T FLUSH THOSE TOILETS!!!
I WANT YOU TO LEAVE THOSE
LOGS IN THERE FOR ME TO
INSPECT!!!
I wanna see them
"I wanna see what you've done."
(still as his dad)
"YOU WENT OUT AND YOU GOT ICE
CREAM!!
AND YOU DIDN'T GET ME ICE
CREAM!"
I thought you were away on a
business trip.
"WELL, I CAME BACK EARLY!!
YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN MY SCHEDULE!
YOU SHOULD'VE CHECKED FOR
RESCHEDULING!!!"
Excuse me. When I think about
my father sometimes there is an
involuntary release of urine.
I wet my pants. I'm gonna need a
new pair of pants.
("Fortin'" music fades up)
I need a new pair of pants.
Hey, stay tuned for more
hilarious bits on
"Tim and Eric"
"Awesome"
You gotta let me do my part.
DIRECTOR: Cut!
That's a wrap on the day.
That's it?
You sure you got that?
Thanks everybody!
All right.
All right. I'm gonna go out
and pound some "beav, "
so, um have fun with your
toys.
See ya', loser.
(sighs) I guess I'll go play
with myself.
(audience laughs)
(Sad music plays)
Well, I wish I was a man
like my friend Eric is
Big tufts of pubic hair
coming out of my shorts
Oh, puberty,
why don't you come to me?
And I will make love
to every kind of woman
My pubic hair's long
Like a longharied woman.
Hey, how's it going?
(on the TV)
Cinco Man Shake! CINCO CINCO!
MAN
SHAKE! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
BODY BUILDER: (puny voice)
Go from looking like this--
--to this!
Cinco Man Shake!
Yeah! Yeah! YEAAAAAH!
Jump start that puberty with Man
Shake. Oh, yeah!
Just add one cup of water
--and a fistful of your friend's
pubic hair-
Yeah! You are going to get a big
thick pube mound right on your
crotch! Oh, yeah! Girls are
gonna love your huge pube mound!
Yeah!
(Tim thinking) Sounds like a
plan to me.
Cinco Man Shake!
Thanks, Cinco!
Well, I guess I'm gonna have
to ask Eric for some
pubic hair.
(humming and chanting)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(clinking)
"GREAT JOB!"
Well, you'll come over and
I'll show you my mound and if
you wait a little bit
maybe my mushroom kinda will
present itself to you.
(knock at door)
Yes? Hello? Who is it?
Um Hello. Yeah, it's me.
Hey, Tim.
Hey. Uh I got great news.
I found a way to go through
puberty overnight.
Really?
Yep, so we can go out and
make love to all the women we
want!
That's great news, man.
All I need though is, um
some of your pubic hair so-
Oh. I don't know, man. I got
a perfect mound going here. I
just I
wouldn't want to lose any.
It'll grow back.
I mean you just
I guess I could use a
"Mushroom Buddy." A way to
exploring those wet holes.
All right, Tim.
You can have some.
I brought my own scissors
and everything.
This is is this okay?
Yeah.
Just this much.
Ouch! Just kidding.
All right. We'll just mix
it up.
Bottoms up.
(Eric almost barfs)
Just a little bit more left
to go and I'll be a man.
When I look at this thing,
what you've created is like
LOOK AT THIS!
Bah! Nice Job NONE OF YOU!!!
You know what would happen if I
did that with my dad?
"THERE ARE HOLES IN MY
BELTS!!!
WHO PUT THESE HOLES IN MY
BELTS?!?"
Dad, it's a belt.
That's what happens.
People need to latch them up
through those holes.
"NOT IN MY BELTS!"
I wet my pants again! I need
some new pants.
Well, just have a bunch of
them ready for me. I need a
bunch of dry pants.
Gimme a towel, too, please.
Yeah, now.
Prance's pants's pants's
pants!
Well, that's our show.
Thanks for watching our
comedy segments and
short films.
(extremely low voice)
Thanks for watching our show.
We'll see you next time.
What happened, man?
(a little slurred)
I'm, uh I'm a man. No No
more puberty boy.
I'm a man with puberty.
What? I can't understand what
you're saying, dude.
I'm a man. I'm
No more boy.
I'm a man.
I can't understand what
you're saying at all.
Oh, uh My finger's wet.
Yeah.
Huge mound.
So, let's go get a nice piece
of stinky fish.
I really think you took it
too far.
(mumbling)
Tim and Eric Awesome Show!
NARRATOR: It's "I-Jammer,"
from Cinco Toys!
KIDS: It's fun!
The first digital music box
with two revolutionary
dance tones
--I-Jammer and E-Bumper!
I-Jammer!
I-Jammer's frequency tone is
off the hook!
(angry) E-Bumper!
Hype the bumping.
Monitor your friends'
progress.
(voice dropped a few octaves)
Look! They're "E-Bumping!"
Recharge and keep dancing
with "Oh- Hungee."
KIDS: Oh Hungee,
"OOPY DOOPY"
Oh Hungee!
It's real food.
KIDS: I-Jammer!
"Jizzle Jammer! "
(with attitude)
I don't need no dinner!
I have Oh Hungee!
No parents allowed.
E-Bumper!
(kids screaming)
I love my I-JammerAAAAAAH!
NARRATOR: These little kids
are jizzle jammed.
Plug it in and I-Jam. Yeah!
(moaning) I just need
one more bump.
Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric: Awesome Show!
Great Job!
Action. Begin.
Time, uh Welcome to "Tim and
Eric Awesome Show."
(octaves lower) Hi. I'm
Eric Wareheim. How are you?
What's going on with your
voice?
Oh, nothing. Just went
through puberty last night.
Feeling pretty good.
Puberty? It's a little early
for that I think.
No, my dad says I'm right on
time and actually you're
the one with the problem.
He was talking about you and
your family a lot last night.
How you guys are late.
Late with your house
payments, and late with
Now I got these really cool
"pumples" going on and a
mustache. And the
icing on the cake is this fat
pube mess.
It's a whole forest of pubes
that I have down here and it's
thick.
And my dad says that it's A-OK.
I did have one hair growing
on my nipple,
but my mom made me cut it off.
It's greasy-
Well, anyway. I don't care
about that. Um Do you wanna
come over this weekend to
play?
(laughs) No way!
Tim, I'm gonna be out
trolling for some tight slit
while you're here playing.
I'm really gonna try to push
my "mushroom" through this
thick forest and show it off.
I'm not gonna sit here and
play with you,
you [bleep].
Well, I wish I was also going
through puberty,
but unfortunately I'm still
a boy and will not be graduating
to puberty any time soon.
Hopefully.
I love spending time with
you, Son.
Hey, Dad. When am I gonna
turn into a man?
You're a hard green tomato.
And you're gonna ripen from a
green tomato to a red,
hairy tomato.
(lower voice) You don't know
what you're talking about,
Daddy!
Yes, uh Oh, yes I do.
And I made a song to teach you
this lesson about puberty.
Puberty!
Makes me fall in love sexually
I have no hair on me
Puberty!
Puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pupuberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Pu-pu-pu-p upuberty!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-puberty!
Hello, I'm Will Grello.
And welcome
to "Fortin' With Will."
I'd like to welcome these
children.
None of them are my own. Let's
talk about forts.
Couch forts.
You know, as a child things
are not always rosy.
I think we can agree on that.
'Cause you might have somebody
that's like my father!
"DON'T FLUSH THOSE TOILETS!!!
I WANT YOU TO LEAVE THOSE
LOGS IN THERE FOR ME TO
INSPECT!!!
I wanna see them
"I wanna see what you've done."
(still as his dad)
"YOU WENT OUT AND YOU GOT ICE
CREAM!!
AND YOU DIDN'T GET ME ICE
CREAM!"
I thought you were away on a
business trip.
"WELL, I CAME BACK EARLY!!
YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN MY SCHEDULE!
YOU SHOULD'VE CHECKED FOR
RESCHEDULING!!!"
Excuse me. When I think about
my father sometimes there is an
involuntary release of urine.
I wet my pants. I'm gonna need a
new pair of pants.
("Fortin'" music fades up)
I need a new pair of pants.
Hey, stay tuned for more
hilarious bits on
"Tim and Eric"
"Awesome"
You gotta let me do my part.
DIRECTOR: Cut!
That's a wrap on the day.
That's it?
You sure you got that?
Thanks everybody!
All right.
All right. I'm gonna go out
and pound some "beav, "
so, um have fun with your
toys.
See ya', loser.
(sighs) I guess I'll go play
with myself.
(audience laughs)
(Sad music plays)
Well, I wish I was a man
like my friend Eric is
Big tufts of pubic hair
coming out of my shorts
Oh, puberty,
why don't you come to me?
And I will make love
to every kind of woman
My pubic hair's long
Like a longharied woman.
Hey, how's it going?
(on the TV)
Cinco Man Shake! CINCO CINCO!
MAN
SHAKE! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
BODY BUILDER: (puny voice)
Go from looking like this--
--to this!
Cinco Man Shake!
Yeah! Yeah! YEAAAAAH!
Jump start that puberty with Man
Shake. Oh, yeah!
Just add one cup of water
--and a fistful of your friend's
pubic hair-
Yeah! You are going to get a big
thick pube mound right on your
crotch! Oh, yeah! Girls are
gonna love your huge pube mound!
Yeah!
(Tim thinking) Sounds like a
plan to me.
Cinco Man Shake!
Thanks, Cinco!
Well, I guess I'm gonna have
to ask Eric for some
pubic hair.
(humming and chanting)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(clinking)
"GREAT JOB!"
Well, you'll come over and
I'll show you my mound and if
you wait a little bit
maybe my mushroom kinda will
present itself to you.
(knock at door)
Yes? Hello? Who is it?
Um Hello. Yeah, it's me.
Hey, Tim.
Hey. Uh I got great news.
I found a way to go through
puberty overnight.
Really?
Yep, so we can go out and
make love to all the women we
want!
That's great news, man.
All I need though is, um
some of your pubic hair so-
Oh. I don't know, man. I got
a perfect mound going here. I
just I
wouldn't want to lose any.
It'll grow back.
I mean you just
I guess I could use a
"Mushroom Buddy." A way to
exploring those wet holes.
All right, Tim.
You can have some.
I brought my own scissors
and everything.
This is is this okay?
Yeah.
Just this much.
Ouch! Just kidding.
All right. We'll just mix
it up.
Bottoms up.
(Eric almost barfs)
Just a little bit more left
to go and I'll be a man.
When I look at this thing,
what you've created is like
LOOK AT THIS!
Bah! Nice Job NONE OF YOU!!!
You know what would happen if I
did that with my dad?
"THERE ARE HOLES IN MY
BELTS!!!
WHO PUT THESE HOLES IN MY
BELTS?!?"
Dad, it's a belt.
That's what happens.
People need to latch them up
through those holes.
"NOT IN MY BELTS!"
I wet my pants again! I need
some new pants.
Well, just have a bunch of
them ready for me. I need a
bunch of dry pants.
Gimme a towel, too, please.
Yeah, now.
Prance's pants's pants's
pants!
Well, that's our show.
Thanks for watching our
comedy segments and
short films.
(extremely low voice)
Thanks for watching our show.
We'll see you next time.
What happened, man?
(a little slurred)
I'm, uh I'm a man. No No
more puberty boy.
I'm a man with puberty.
What? I can't understand what
you're saying, dude.
I'm a man. I'm
No more boy.
I'm a man.
I can't understand what
you're saying at all.
Oh, uh My finger's wet.
Yeah.
Huge mound.
So, let's go get a nice piece
of stinky fish.
I really think you took it
too far.
(mumbling)
Tim and Eric Awesome Show!