Bewitched (1964) s05e03 Episode Script

Oh, hi, sweetheart.
You' re home early.
I planned it that way.
No nibbling.
You' II spoil your dinner.
We' II compromise.
I' II nibble you.
Delicious.
Oh, sweetheart, that tickles.
What's that? Tabitha, fooling around with the stereo.
I told her not to do that.
- Tabitha, what are you doing? - Playing the piano.
To be exact, she's playing Bach.
- And beautifully.
- And by witchcraft! Oh, how utterly clever of you to figure that out.
Sweetie, why don't you run upstairs to your room? Mommy and Daddy would like to have a nice little chat with Grandmama.
- Okay, Mommy.
- Right.
That's a good girl.
Sweetheart.
- When did you swoop in? - Two minutes ago.
To give my dear grandchild a little present.
Isn't it cute? Why couldn't you give Tabitha a piano without turning her into a Van Cliburn? Sweetheart, Mother didn't exactly cast a spell on Tabitha.
- Not completely.
- Just on her fingers.
She merely brought out the hidden talent that lies within all of us.
Mortals excluded.
- Endora! - Yes, Durweed, what is it? What it is is that I'm sick and tired of you corrupting my daughter.
Corrupting? How dare you! Mother, Darrin doesn't exactly mean corrupting.
- Oh, yes, he does.
- Darrin.
I mean, she's worse than the Wicked Witch of the West! Samantha, I refuse to stay here another minute and be compared to an amateur.
Three-to-one she takes back the piano.
That's fine.
When Tabitha's old enough to play the piano l' II buy her one.
- Provided- - Provided what? That she learn to play it normally.
- Or is that impossible? - Of course not.
Anyone can learn to play the piano.
That's exactly what I mean.
Could you learn to play the piano? Starting from scratch, without any witchcraft? Well? Why would I want to do a thing like that? Because it would set your daughter an excellent example.
Darrin, are you challenging me? Yes.
As a matter of fact, I am.
All right.
I accept your challenge.
You rent the piano, and I' II learn to play it normally.
And if I can't- Yes? If I can't, I' II be more careful about accepting your challenges.
That was good.
It wasn't great, but it was good.
- Thank you.
- One may be born a witch, Samantha but it takes practice to become a virtuoso.
- Where's little Tabitha? - Napping.
She' II be up in a minute.
I take it Durwood is at work doing whatever it is he does.
Yes.
And Darrin went with him.
Samantha, if you wanted to whip up a piano why didn't you whip up a new one? I didn't whip this one up.
We rented it.
- And I'm about to take my first lesson.
- Lesson? - Mm-hmm.
- From whom? I am going to study and learn the mortal way.
It's a challenge I accepted of my own free will.
Plus a little pressure from Darrin.
That must be my teacher.
Mother, when Tabitha wakes up, would you keep her busy in her room? Gladly.
I'd hate her to see you set such a poor example.
Thanks.
Samantha Stephens? Johann Sebastian Monroe? Yes.
I am to be addressed either as Mr.
Monroe or sir.
Yes, sir.
Won't you come in? You' re beginning rather late in life, aren't you? Well, better late than never.
That remains to be seen.
Let me evaluate your fingers.
- How are they? - Adequate.
No more, no less.
- Where is the instrument? - In the living room.
For what we are about to do to you I apologize.
They said it was in perfect tune.
- Is it? - Approximately.
At this stage of the game it doesn't make much difference.
Please be seated.
- I demand attention and obedience.
- Yes, sir.
Now, then, these are the black keys and these are the white keys.
- I know.
- Silence.
- I'm sorry.
- Mrs.
Stephens silence means no talking.
Is that clear? We shall start with the white keys and we shall play all the notes of the scale, otherwise known as- Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do Did you observe my fingers? Can you imitate them? Very well.
Try.
Just a second.
This is no insult to your ability but in my profession, eardrums have a tendency to become brittle and my doctor advises me to protect them.
Now inspire me.
Mrs.
Stephens you are playing a piano.
You are not plucking a chicken.
Again.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello, Mother.
- What is new? - About what? About that absurd idea of yours to learn to play the piano their way.
What is new is that my normal piano lessons are coming along normally.
And I'm having another one this afternoon.
- Oh? - Mm-hmm.
- That's your granddaughter.
- Well, it sounds dreadful.
I know.
She's trying to copy her mother.
Watch her for me, will you, while I go out back and cut some flowers? Hello, my little precious.
I was playing a big piano.
So I heard.
Why don't you play some music? Mommy and Daddy don't want me to.
Come on now, Tabitha.
Please, please, play some pretty music for Grandmama.
Please? That's my good girl.
Do you remember how we did it? Put your little hands on the piano, yes.
Now we will begin.
Good afternoon.
I'm Mrs.
Stephens's piano teacher.
Good afternoon.
I'm Mrs.
Stephens's mother.
Won't you come in? - Can that be your daughter? - That's my granddaughter.
Your granddaughter? How old is she? - Four.
- Four.
Four! Up to your old tricks, eh, Mother? Good grief, Mother.
I wish you- - Bravo.
- Incredible.
Hi, there, Mr.
Monroe- Sir.
Mother, would you please keep Tabitha busy in her room while I take my lesson? - Just a second.
- Yes, sir? Mrs.
Stephens, this child is a musical genius.
- She is? - She just picked it up, as if by magic.
I can't believe it.
Four years old, no lessons and she plays like a virtuoso.
Mr.
Monroe, it's very kind of you to say that, but- Why am I wasting time on you when I should be working with her? Well? - Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, sweetheart.
Be careful! Don't crush her fingers! - Who are you? - Johann Sebastian Monroe.
My fingers you can crush for I am a humble piano teacher whose distinguished career is spent in the search for one magnificent pupil.
But now destiny has rewarded me for my years of suffering.
Really? With my wife? No.
With your daughter.
- You' re kidding.
- Mr, Stephens I have just heard your daughter play the piano.
I consider her the greatest child prodigy of this century.
Sam, you didn't let Tabitha play by: Hello, Durwood.
Endora, for two cents, I'd- Madam, will you please occupy the child so the parents and I may plan her future? Certainly.
And, by the way she gets her talent from her mother's side.
Come on, darling.
Come with Grandmama.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Stephens, do you realize what you have on your hands? Yes, sir.
I think we do.
It is the beginning of a golden era in musical history.
The era of Tabitha Stephens.
Mr.
Monroe, if you don't mind, I've had a rough day at the office.
The road ahead will be a difficult one for all of us.
At least.
I dream of your daughter as a concert pianist adored by music lovers everywhere.
I suggest we arrange a recording session for Friday afternoon, yes? - No.
- Why not? - Why not? - That's when she takes her nap.
- Nap.
- Naps are out.
From now on, it's work, work, work.
At $10 a lesson, lesson, lesson, we could end up in the poorhouse.
I shall accept no fee while I prepare her for the concert tour.
Who said she was taking a tour? Her first recital will be at Carnegie Hall.
Then 40 major cities in 40 weeks.
I shall take good care of her.
And I promise to bring her home for Christmas.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Mr.
Monroe, we do not want Tabitha away from us for 40 weeks.
How about 30? Mr.
Monroe, my wife and I are sorry to disappoint you but the answer is no.
We do not want our daughter to be a concert pianist.
I am speechless.
Good.
Then we can end our discussion.
I beg you to reconsider.
And remember that time is of the essence.
Because the talent of a child prodigy must be gently nurtured like a delicate flower so that the world will benefit from its unfolding.
- Good day, Mr.
Monroe.
- Don't make a snap decision.
Sleep on it.
Oh, darn.
Now what's wrong? He left without giving me my lesson.
Just a little tension breaker.
I just gave the child prodigy her bath.
Swell.
Now I think I' II practice my piano.
I think you better practice your speech.
What speech? The one that gets rid of Johann Sebastian Monroe.
- You want me to quit? - No, just change your piano teacher.
Into what? Sam, this is serious.
He thinks that destiny has rewarded him with a child prodigy.
He' II never stop bugging us.
I guess you' re right.
- Unless- - Unless what? Unless I can find him another child prodigy.
How about your mother? She can turn herself into a four-year-old.
She can go on the concert tour.
She wouldn't even have to come home for Christmas.
If I could find him a really talented pupil it would take his mind off Tabitha, wouldn't it? - Sure, but- - I' II bet there are lots of talented kids who'd love to be concert pianists.
True.
But how do we find one? - Well.
- By supernatural hocus-pocus! Darrin, do you want to get Mr.
Monroe off our back or not? - I guess so.
- Thank you.
Now stand back and give me room to operate.
Piano child prodigy, if I am near you send vibrations so I can hear you.
I hear music.
You do? It's Franz Liszt's "Liebesträume.
" Good-bye, sweetheart.
I' II be back soon.
Youthful genius, keep on playing.
I'm flying now and later paying.
Sorry.
Please, go on.
May I help you? I hope I'm not intruding.
I was out taking a stroll, and I heard the music.
It sounded so lovely, I wanted to find out who was playing.
Please continue.
- He plays beautifully.
- Thank you.
He's my son.
- You must be very proud of him.
- Thank you.
I am.
- I'm Mrs.
Darrin Stephens.
- Robert Williams, the school custodian.
- And this is Mathew.
- Hi.
Hi.
You' re a very talented young man.
Where did you learn to play like that? I learned music from a correspondence course.
But I just like to play a lot.
We have no piano at home, so I bend the rules a little and let him come to work with me and practice here.
My ambition is to be a concert pianist.
Mathew, somehow I have the feeling you' re gonna make it.
But, first, you have to continue practicing.
- I'm sorry I interrupted you.
- That's okay.
It was a pleasure meeting both of your, Mr.
Williams.
- Good night, Mathew.
- Good night.
Good night, Mrs.
Stephens.
Thank you for the encouragement.
- Bye-bye.
- Good night.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Did you find a prodigy? - Mm-hmm.
I certainly did.
Where'd you get the coat? I wonder who that could be.
Maybe it's your travel agent.
Good evening.
Mr.
Monroe! You said you'd let us sleep on it.
I was too excited.
I had to return.
With me I brought the internationally celebrated symphonic conductor Maestro Alfredo Ferranini.
Really? Well, Maestro, this is an honour.
We have several of your records.
Naturally.
Who doesn't? The maestro has agreed to listen to your daughter play the piano.
Since you will not accept my judgment, perhaps you will accept his.
Maestro, this is my husband, Darrin.
Darrin, this is Maestro Ferranini.
He has agreed to listen to Tabitha play the piano.
He has? Who asked him? I did.
I'm president of his fan club.
Maestro, with all due respect, my wife and I refuse to- Johann, these people bore me.
Fetch the pianist.
- Yes, Maestro.
- Wait, wait.
- I' II fetch her myself.
- Samantha- Darrin, if the maestro insists, the maestro insists.
Please, wait in the living room.
Fair.
Johann this better be good.
Yes, Maestro.
Trust me.
Not so close.
Maestro, this is Miss Tabitha Stephens.
No formalities.
Just command her to play.
All right.
Okay, sweetheart.
Come on.
All right.
Now, play.
Halt! Halt! Maestro, she was brilliant this afternoon.
I don't understand it.
That's enough piano, sweetheart.
You run off to bed.
Daddy and Mommy will kiss you good night in a minute.
What was that, a joke? Please, gentlemen, if I can have your attention.
We have found you a real child prodigy.
His name is Mathew Williams.
I am not interested in any more child prodigies! Johann, so it finally happened.
You were neurotic to begin with, and now you've cracked up! Please.
Please, Maestro, don't- Maestro- Maestro, I give you my word of honour.
Johann, you' re a sick man.
Your word of honour doesn't mean beans.
Until you get medical attention you' re suspended from my fan club.
I don't understand it.
What happened? We tried to tell you we didn't want Tabitha to be a concert pianist, but you wouldn't listen.
No, you just forced us to discourage you.
- You succeeded.
- Please- Tabitha said when she grows up she wants to be a normal housewife.
Just like her mother.
But don't let it discourage you, Mr.
Monroe.
As I said before, we have found you a real prodigy.
Would you like to sit down and hear about him? His name is Mathew Williams.
Actually, I found him by coincidence.
Mathew, that's the best news I've heard in weeks.
You' re entirely welcome.
Give my regards to your father.
Bye-bye.
- Guess what? - What? Mr.
Monroe had Mathew play for Maestro Ferranini who was favourably impressed.
- So, Johann is back in the fan club? - Mm-hmm.
And destiny has finally rewarded Mr.
Monroe.
Swell.
Now, from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Honey, you' re playing a song.
Mr.
Monroe said I was ready for it.
You did it.
You said you could learn to play without witchcraft, and you did it.
- Am I proud of you.
- Thank you.
Mother, once and for all, cut that out.