Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s05e03 Episode Script

Hello, my dearest, dearest friends.
What do you want?
As you know,
planning has begun for my wedding
to the delicious Chukwuemeka.
Delicious?
Trust me.
Some are calling it the
social event of the season.
Who's calling it that?
Some!
Ah, I took too much fruit.
GLORIA: Oh, give me some. No grapes.
- ABISHOLA: Okay.
- Focus!
Sorry.
There's one question
on everybody's lips
who will have the honor of
being Kemi's maid of honor?
- Me.
- Abishola.
It was a hard choice,
many good candidates
faithful Abishola, old, wise Gloria.
Hearts will be broken
We only have an hour for lunch.
I have chosen Abishola!
Oh, my goodness! Thank you.
You knew.
It is still thrilling.
I've already started making plans.
That's why you are the chosen one.
Worked out for everybody.
I will contact the pastor
and see what dates the
church has available.
Oh, no. We are not doing a
traditional church ceremony.
I am planning a destination wedding.
- Lagos?
- Close.
Vegas.
Hot damn!
Oh, while we're there,
you gonna have to hold
onto my debit card, child.
Even if I beg, don't give it to me.
She is joking.
Kemi knows she cannot get
married in such a godless place.
God was at my first wedding.
I'm going to try Satan.
You deserve better than
a ten-minute ceremony
conducted by a Filipino Elvis.
Filipino?
I saw it in a show.
I hear your concerns, Abishola.
Thank you.
So Gloria is my new maid of honor!
Congratulations!
Pass.
Good news, you're back in.
["IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING]
All right, Kofo. Floor's yours.
[KOFO CLEARS THROAT]
Thank you for taking
time to hear my idea.
It came to me while I was in the bathtub
enjoying my evening soak.
I didn't take you for a bath guy.
You think this glowing
skin just happens?
All right, bubbles, move it along.
Okey dokey, here it goes.
What if, every week, we decide
I have terrible news.
Our factory workers are
threatening to strike.
Oluwa mi o.
Are you Nigerian?
No.
Then don't do that.
What are you talking about? Why?
The head of the union says that
They have a union? Oluwa mi o.
Mom, he doesn't like that.
No, she's fine.
The workers are demanding
a ten percent pay increase.
Ten percent? Don't they know
they're gonna be replaced by robots?
They're also demanding not
to be replaced by robots.
They can't do this.
If it wasn't for me,
our socks would still
be made in Malaysia by nine-year-olds.
And all they wanted
was cigarette breaks.
CHRISTINA: You did a great thing,
Bob, but I do support their
right to stick it to the man.
You're part of "the man."
It's one of the many things
I dislike about myself.
Where's that ten percent
increase supposed to come from?
We're barely breaking even now.
Yeah, we're all cutting back.
You're not cutting back.
It's just what you say.
Before I was promoted,
I thought you were all
fat cats looking down
from your high tower.
Now I like it up here.
It's the looking down on people, right?
Let 'em strike.
When they start losing
their houses and condos,
they'll come crawling back.
For what we're paying them,
I don't think they
have houses and condos.
That's sad.
Anyway, Kofo,
what's your little bathtub idea?
KOFO: Okay, here we go.
Vegas of all places.
What is she thinking?
- Who?
- Kemi.
Are you not listening?
Uh, sorry.
I was just dealing with some work stuff.
But now you've got my full attention.
No matter what I say,
she will not listen.
Yeah, that's terrible.
A wedding is a sacred thing.
It should be in a church,
surrounded by your loved ones.
Yeah, that's terrible.
She'll regret it.
And then I will be left
to pick up the pieces.
Terrible.
I have a feeling you're not listening.
You could not be more wrong.
Are you sure you don't want
to talk about what's going on at work?
No, no. Go on.
What am I supposed to do?
Just stand back,
let her have this tacky wedding,
and ruin the most important day
of her and Chukwuemeka's life?
Terrible?
- Bob.
- All right, sorry.
Thank you for dinner, Mummy.
Of course.
You know, after the wedding,
I will also have to
start calling you Mummy.
No, you won't.
I have some ideas about the ceremony.
That's wonderful,
and I am eager to hear them.
- Good, 'cause I'm thinking
- But first I would like
to share with you the decisions
I've already made for us.
Oh, okay.
Caesars Palace.
Morning matching gold outfits.
Afternoon
matching rhinestone outfits.
Evening
no outfits.
I just do not think all
our family and friends
will want to fly to Vegas.
That is true.
But on the other hand, I am the bride,
and this is what I want.
I think Vegas is a perfect idea.
Nobody asked Wait, what?
It will not be a traditional marriage.
Why should it be a traditional wedding?
But what about our church,
with our pastor and
choir and congregation?
No, this is better.
It is?
It makes sense that you would want
to get married far from home.
It does?
Then no one from our families
will be there to judge you.
I'm confused.
Why would they judge our love?
Because this one is old
enough to be your mother.
Mummy.
Is it not true?
I'm only 44.
What year were you born?
Give me a moment.
Let me reassure you
that this strike will
not affect our deliveries
to our wonderful friends at Target.
Is that true?
Quiet. I'm lying to
our friends at Target.
Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
- I have a question.
- Yes, Douglas?
Will we still be getting paid
during the strike?
Are you living paycheck to paycheck?
I'd be happy to tell
you if you loan me $500.
CHRISTINA [OVER LAPTOP]:
I refuse to take money
until our workers are
fairly compensated.
Christina? Where are you?
I'm on the picket line with
my blue-collar brothers.
And two sisters.
We really got to hire more women, guys.
What the hell are you doing?
Showing solidarity.
Do you understand that
if this strike succeeds,
I got to start firing
mid-level executives?
Well, you gotta do
what you gotta do, Bob.
Well, guess which level you're on.
Good luck, everybody.
Kemi
I would like to say something.
Really? We were having
such a nice silent lunch.
If the wedding of your
dreams is in Vegas,
then we will go to Vegas.
Oh. So you suddenly
had a change of heart.
I should have supported your
wishes from the beginning.
Interesting.
Just yesterday, you called Vegas
"the devil's hot tub."
Yes, filled
with magicians and prostitutes.
But that shouldn't stop you
from having your special day.
Isn't that sweet, Kemi?
Kemi, say it's sweet.
You just want me to hide my shameful
relationship with Chukwuemeka.
What are you talking about?
You think I'm too old for him.
Of course.
But that's not why I'm doing this.
And you think I'm
making a fool of myself.
That has never bothered you before.
And here I thought you were my friend.
I am. I am supporting you.
If you really wanted to support me,
you'd be honest.
You'd look me right in my eye
and tell me that I'm old,
ugly and stupid!
You just had to talk.
This is not negotiating.
This is the same list of demands
they opened with.
They know we will start
missing deliveries tomorrow.
They have our gonads in a mousetrap.
You know, if I was the evil CEO
they think I am,
I never would've moved the factory
back to the States.
I'd be sailing on my yacht
to wherever greedy bastards sail to.
Turks and Caicos.
Yeah, there.
Perhaps it is time we bring
in replacement workers.
You mean scabs.
No, we do not use that word.
And, for the record,
a scab is a sign of healing.
Well, I don't care what you call 'em,
we're not doing that.
Do you have a better idea?
Yeah, burn the friggin' place down
and collect the insurance money.
Your father did that twice.
If you want,
I still have the guy's number.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hello, Bob.
Kemi, what are you doing here?
I'm sorry, is this a bad time?
Uh, it-it kind of is.
Well, I took two buses,
so we will talk now.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Uh, do you mind leaving, please?
This is my office.
Well, then, you know the way out.
What's going on?
Well,
I am older than Chukwuemeka,
and you are much,
much older than Abishola.
Okay, and?
I need to know how you do it.
How is she not disgusted
by your decomposing body?
All right, thanks for stopping by.
[STAMMERS] I-I need your help.
Well, then,
don't open with I'm decomposing.
I'm sorry.
Did Chukwuemeka say something?
His mother did.
Well, what do you care what she says?
Chuey's crazy about you.
Today. But one day he
will wake up and realize
that the ripe plum he
married is a prune.
A big-breasted prune.
Well, there's an image.
Can I tell you a secret?
I'd rather you didn't.
He has never seen me
without a wig or makeup.
Wow, that's a wig?
The hair is real,
but it's from a woman in Mumbai.
[SIGHS] What do I do?
Well, I-I'd say you have two choices.
You can spend every day
hiding who you really are
or you can trust that Chuey loves you,
warts and all.
- How did you know about my warts?
- [GROANS]
[WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
- Abishola?
- I'm up.
Sorry, did I wake you?
It's okay. I wanted to see you.
These are for you.
Ah-ah. Why?
For loving me for who I am.
- Mmm.
- You know, it's not lost on me
that you could've had
your pick of any guy.
Ah-ah. There were one or two.
Michael, Raheem,
David, the other David.
Okay. All right.
I chose you because
you have a good heart.
It was not working
when I met you, but
it was good.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Sometimes I do miss Big Bob.
Big Bob?
Yes, you know.
Big Bob.
What could you possibly miss?
Your tummy pillow.
Now it's like laying on a park bench.
KEMI: Are you ready?
One moment.
I am now, my love.
Close your eyes.
Okay.
They are closed.
Can I open them?
Okay.
Oh.
You are not naked.
Yes, I am.
This is me.
The real me.
Ah. You are more beautiful than ever.
Tell the truth. You are repulsed.
My darling,
I have been waiting for this day.
And not just because your makeup
has been ruining my pillows.
I have wrinkles on my chin
and circles under my eyes.
I do not see them.
What about my hair?
It is nicer than mine.
It is gray.
Because I'm an old hag.
Eh-eh. Eh-eh.
Do not be mean to my Kemi.
Wait a moment.
Now you close your eyes.
Will you be gone when I open them?
Okay, open.
Ta-da.
What is that?
My mouth guard.
I put it in after you fall asleep
because it is embarrassing.
Oh. It is nice.
Do you love me any less?
No. You are my Chuku bunny.
And you are my Kemi bear.
Take it out first.
That's much better.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing?
Trying to drink these numbers right.
Is it working?
Well, at least I can't see 'em anymore.
[SIGHS]
Here.
What's this?
My letter of resignation.
Very funny.
I'm not kidding.
Oh, well, then, no, I don't accept.
It's the only move, Bobby.
Chop up my bloated one percent salary
and feed it to the hoi polloi.
The hoi polloi?
The rabble, the riffraff.
You know what I'm talking about.
There's got to be another way.
Your bloated salary?
Let's keep thinking.
Honey, if you want
to keep the place going,
you got to let me do this.
No. You and Dad started this company.
I'm not gonna be the reason you quit.
Oh, just like a man
to take all the credit.
I'm quitting because I'm done.
Really?
Stick a fork in me.
So, what are you gonna do?
I don't know. Travel?
I got some friends in Turks and Caicos.
Thanks, Mom.
You're welcome.
Who would've thunk it?
Dottie Wheeler,
friend of the working man.
To hell with the working man.
I'm doing it for you
and your idiot siblings.
There's my mom.
[SIGHS]
What are we drinking?
Scotch. You want a glass?
I don't need a glass.
I got tomorrow off.
[EXHALES] Thirsty.